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File 164523241526.png - (938.53KB , 1200x800 , THEVILLAINSWIN.png )
1023844 No. 1023844 ID: cdbf4f

THESE ARE THE RULES FOR WINNING:
NO UNIFORMS, MATCHING OUTFITS, NUMBERS, OR UNIFYING THEMES
NO LEADER, NO BOSS, NO HIERARCHY
NO FACING HEROES ONE-ON-ONE
NO DELAYING THE HERO KILLSHOT
NO TRAGIC ROMANCE
ABSOLUTELY NO EVIL MONOLOGUES

this quest is NSFW/18+ only and will contain heavy violence/gore/body horror.
Expand all images
>>
No. 1023845 ID: cdbf4f
File 164523243641.png - (634.13KB , 1200x800 , 1.png )
1023845

These are the rules that were set in the board meeting when this coalition was first formed. You’d all watched various villain groups, bands, teams, and collectives rise and fall — and you all, like-minded, decided to try to isolate the problem. What makes villains lose? What pitfalls can you avoid to make the villains win?

So far, the rules are working.

THIS IS WHO YOU ARE:
>>
No. 1023846 ID: cdbf4f
File 164523246612.png - (371.75KB , 1200x800 , fiointro.png )
1023846

YOUR NAME IS FIO MONELLO.
You are the biggest bitch on the fucking planet and you will never ever ever ever ever ever let anyone forget it. You came to this city to be a villain and you rose like a god damn firework. You’re here to WIN. You don’t know what you’re winning, but you’re going to fucking win.

Your ability is DESIRE MANIPULATION — when you make skin-to-skin contact with a victim, you can force them to either act on their most immediate and pressing desire, or their most deeply held and repressed one. You can choose between the two, but those are the only two options you have.

You are CHAOTIC EVIL. Your STRENGTHS are your APTITUDE FOR MANIPULATION and your MONOMANIA. Your WEAKNESSES are your UNCONTROLLABLE TEMPER TANTRUMS and your MONOMANIA. You love HURTING PEOPLE and you hate QUITTERS.
>>
No. 1023847 ID: cdbf4f
File 164523248317.png - (361.00KB , 1200x800 , dwagintro.png )
1023847

YOUR NAME IS DOG WITH A GUN.
You have the body of a man, the head of a German Shepherd, and the heart of a hardened killer. You are disgusted by the failings and hypocrisies of a moral society, and ever since your youth, when you were simply Puppy Without A Gun, you have abhorred the false dichotomy between Good Boy and Bad Dog. You are here because you are FASCINATED BY EVIL, and because you want to see if you can choose to embody it, and how far you can push this embodiment.

Your ability is that YOU HAVE A GUN.

You are TRUE NEUTRAL by nature, and LAWFUL EVIL by choice. Your STRENGTHS are your NERVES OF STEEL and your PRAGMATISM. Your WEAKNESSES are your TENDENCY TO OVER-ANALYZE and the fact that IF SOMEONE PRETENDS TO THROW SOMETHING YOU BELIEVE, BRIEFLY, THAT THEY THREW AN OBJECT FOR REAL. You love JAZZ and you hate DOING YOUR OWN LAUNDRY.
>>
No. 1023848 ID: cdbf4f
File 164523250061.png - (437.04KB , 1200x800 , cleintro.png )
1023848

YOUR NAME IS CLEVELAND BONES.
You are a hired gun and you always have been. You get the job done, and not a stitch of work more. You don’t believe in anything, and you don’t stand for anything. What you do believe is that crime pays, and that you like it a little better than anything else that pays competitively. You’re here for the MONEY.

Your ability is that YOU HAVE MANY GUNS. You feel a little smug about this in relation to your colleague, DOG WITH A GUN, but you try not to let it impact your professional relationship.

You are NEUTRAL EVIL. Your STRENGTHS are your TACTICAL KNOWLEDGE and your ATTENTION TO DETAIL. Your WEAKNESSES are your POOR STAMINA and your LACK OF MOTIVATION. You love CHAIN-SMOKING and you hate CONVERSATIONS.
>>
No. 1023849 ID: cdbf4f
File 164523251769.png - (296.00KB , 1200x800 , tiosintro.png )
1023849

YOUR NAME IS TIOS.
You are a TACTICAL INTERDIMENSIONAL ORGANIZED STORAGE unit. You belong to CLEVELAND BONES. You like your job, and you’re good at it — you run battle data and use pocket dimensions to facilitate any strategy that suits the situation. You’re here because YOU HAVE NO CHOICE - you’re programmed to be.

Your ability is INTERDIMENSIONAL ORGANIZED STORAGE — you can open portals between your physical location and any number of storage units within the VILLAIN HEADQUARTERS, and use them to transport any inanimate objects your size or smaller.

You are LAWFUL NEUTRAL, and you don’t think you have the capacity for good or evil. Your STRENGTHS are that you are UNBURDENED BY THE WEAKNESSES ASSOCIATED WITH PITIFUL FLESH BODIES and SMARTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE BECAUSE YOU CAN JUST THINK FASTER. Your WEAKNESSES are your LIMITED MOBILITY and CLEVELAND BONES. You don’t think you have anything that you LOVE or HATE.
>>
No. 1023850 ID: cdbf4f
File 164523253998.png - (401.40KB , 1200x800 , binzyintro.png )
1023850

YOUR NAME IS BINZY BREAKS.
You’re a hacker, which is obviously the coolest profession in the world. You're the best at what you do and god, you know it. You’re chill about it, though. There’s no need to be a bitch just because everyone on earth is dumber and less competent than you. You’re here because ONE DAY YOU WANT TO BE IN A SITUATION WHERE YOU’RE HACKING A MAINFRAME OR SOMETHING AND THE REST OF YOUR TEAM IS BEGGING YOU TO HURRY AND YOU SCREAM “I JUST NEED A MINUTE, GIVE ME ONE MORE MINUTE” and the only things that could potentially be challenging enough to put you in a situation like that are probably illegal.

Your ability is HACKING STUFF REAL GOOD.

You are TRUE NEUTRAL. Your STRENGTHS are YOUR NETWORK OF CONTACTS and your TERMINALLY CHILL DEMEANOR. Your WEAKNESSES are your COMPLETE LACK OF COMBAT ABILITY and your SMART MOUTH. You love FASHION and you hate PEOPLE STICKING THEIR NOSES INTO YOUR BUSINESS.
>>
No. 1023851 ID: cdbf4f
File 164523256025.png - (493.69KB , 1200x800 , kelintro.png )
1023851

YOUR NAME IS MALKELLARCH GALLOWGLASS.
You are a creature of hunger and violence. You live for the art of war and the thrill of battle. You fucking love to smash shit. You are a simple woman, and you don’t care to be complicated. You’re here for FREE FOOD.

Your ability is VAMPIRISM, and all the fun that entails.

You are CHAOTIC EVIL. Your STRENGTHS are OVERWHELMING BRUTE FORCE and OPTIMISM. Your WEAKNESSES are ARROGANCE and IDIOCY AROUND BEAUTIFUL WOMEN. You love VIOLENCE, and you hate NERDS.
>>
No. 1023852 ID: cdbf4f
File 164523257469.png - (453.26KB , 1200x800 , lambintro.png )
1023852

YOUR NAME IS LAMB OF GOD.
You didn’t ask for this life, but now you take it as a test of willpower. Everything you suffer is an act of penitence. You are slowly growing to love pain — both your own, and that of others. You’re also here for FREE FOOD.

Your ability is also VAMPIRISM. Unlike KEL, whose special ability is just being even stronger than most undead, you are adept in TELEKINESIS.

You are NEUTRAL EVIL. Your STRENGTHS are IMMENSE INNER STRENGTH and A TENDENCY TO BE UNDERESTIMATED. Your WEAKNESSES are UNDERWHELMING PHYSICAL ABILITY and FREQUENT FITS OF RELIGIOUS PANIC. You love THE LORD GOD JESUS CHRIST OUR SAVIOR and you hate EVERYONE BUT KEL.
>>
No. 1023853 ID: cdbf4f
File 164523260551.png - (399.65KB , 1200x800 , dearlyintro.png )
1023853

YOUR NAME IS DEARLY-COME-BY.
You’re a romantic wanderer, and eventually your wanderings brought you here. You don’t know how long you’ll stay, but you haven’t gotten bored yet. So far, organized villainy is extremely entertaining. You’re here out of CURIOSITY.

Your ability is WHATEVER YOUR OPPONENT BELIEVES IT IS. Once you choose a person as a target, once they come to a conclusion about what they think your ability is - only through their own inferences, not with your direct interference - it becomes true, until the target dies. If they correctly deduce the true nature of your ability or if they convince themselves you have no ability at all, you will have no ability until they die. It’s a wildcard, just like you.

You are CHAOTIC NEUTRAL. Your STRENGTHS are your ADAPTABILITY and IRREPRESSIBLE SENSE OF HUMOR. Your WEAKNESSES are a LACK OF FOCUS and your INABILITY TO TAKE ANYTHING SERIOUSLY. You love MEETING NEW PEOPLE and you hate BEING BORED.
>>
No. 1023854 ID: cdbf4f
File 164523263433.png - (363.87KB , 1200x800 , 2.png )
1023854

You’re all sitting pretty right now. The plan you recently hammered out with the city of POTENTIAL has been working very well for everyone involved - your TOWER OF EVIL is now the number one destination for HEROIC TOURISM on the continent. The council of Potential cries for help, offering a fortune beyond comprehension to anyone who can unseat your collective - and, of course, HEROES who answer the call must pay a hefty fee to enter the city, then another for lodging, then another to be allowed into the high security district that attempts to keep YOUR OVERWHELMING EVIL from spilling out onto the helpless citizens. The stipend the council pays you to kill all the heroes dead is delicious, but it doesn’t even come close to what they would have to pay if the heroes ever won. Plus, you get perks in the form of unchecked recreation - how is the council going to convince anyone they have a major villain problem if you don’t wreak a little havoc every now and then?


And, speak of the devil - or maybe it’s more appropriate to say speak of the would-be angels - there are two LEVEL 1 HEROES on the first floor of the tower now.
>>
No. 1023855 ID: cdbf4f
File 164523265820.png - (358.37KB , 1200x800 , 3.png )
1023855

“Level 1!” Fio snorts. They’re laid out across a loveseat, swinging their legs idly. “I could take them out by myself and be back upstairs before the pizza guy gets here.”

“That’s against the rules,” says Dog With A Gun. “Rule Number 3–”

“Yeah, yeah, ‘No facing heroes one-on-one,’” Fio scoffs. He rolls his one good eye. “I knoooow.”

“Well, figure out who’s going quick,” says Binzy. She’s on the opposite couch, with one of her laptops balanced on her knees, and she hasn’t looked up. “If you take too long getting down there — or if you fuck around and drag it out — you’re gonna miss the pizza, and I’m telling you right now none of us are gonna wait for you.”

“Dragging it out is also against the rules,” says Dog With A Gun.

“Tell that to Fio.”

“I certainly don’t feel like going,” Kel pipes up. “A pair of Level 1’s isn’t a fight worth having. And if I miss the pizza, I won’t get to have any of the pizza guy.”

“You gotta stop eating the pizza guys.” Cleveland is perched up on a shelf overlooking the room — she feels secure there — and her voice is a soft drone. “They’re gonna stop sending any. We’ll have to start doing pickup.”
>>
No. 1023856 ID: cdbf4f
File 164523267731.png - (359.24KB , 1200x800 , 4.png )
1023856

The idle chatter continues. Nobody seems in a particular rush to go deal with the threat. Eventually, though, a team of at least TWO VILLAINS will need to go to the first floor. A team can consist of as few as 2 villains, and can contain up to 6 if you wish — but you can only directly control two of them, and there’s no guarantee that other members of the team will listen to suggestions, especially if they have a poor PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP with the player characters. You know what they say about a surplus of cooks and spoiled soup. Going overboard and taking a larger team than a threat requires will often be a recipe for disaster, but get cocky and take too few, and it could go just as badly.

Most heroes will show mercy to villains once they’ve been incapacitated, but some have no reservations about DESTROYING EVIL. The consequences of poor team composition could be permanent.

Would you like to view BATTLE PROFILES and ABILITY BREAKDOWNS, view PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS, and learn about THE BATTLE SYSTEM before choosing a team to dispatch the heroes? Or would you like to throw a team together blind and learn on the fly?
>>
No. 1023858 ID: c92a02

Hell, let's get right into it. Learning on the job!
Cleveland, TIOS, and Malkellarch. Why give the heroes a fair fight?
>>
No. 1023861 ID: 0838d6

> Tutorial?
Nahhhhhhhhh, they've done this before, and it's level 1 heroes.

Kel + Lamb of God are itching for a scrap and like eachother based off of their bios. Maybe have TIOS run a quick battle probability calculation though, just in case.
>>
No. 1023862 ID: f581d4

view personal relationships!
>>
No. 1023863 ID: 993203

fly in blind! dog with a gun and dearly-come-by lets goo!!
>>
No. 1023864 ID: 094652

Dearly-Come-By, Binzy, TIOS.
Let's deceive our prey: Dearly-Come-By will appear on the stage while Binzy and TIOS act as command support. Binzy's job is to orchestrate the tower's defense systems, make it look like Dearly-Come-By is a technomancer. TIOS will then supply weapons into Dearly-Come-By's hands. Easy win, and it will build up Dearly-Come-By's rep as an overly-prepared weapons master, while giving them enough leeway to gain new powers from more paranoid adventurers.
>>
No. 1023869 ID: ce39da

> TUTORIAL?
If it's just Level 1s, I think we can learn by doing.

> LINEUP
Dog and Lamb, with Kel as an extra, obviously.

LAMB: "Malkellarch, I believe the issue of missing the herald of sliced pies is itself fixed by our participation here. Besides, I cannot condone the slaughter of a boy doing his benign job, while 'heroes' wish to hurt us; thus, they bypass both the wallower of greed's point and my own. Shall we?"

Dog With a Gun is going on principle; he isn't comfortable with sending both vampires without backup, because of course someone might bring a hard counter for the undead.
>>
No. 1023875 ID: fd4fe5

>no uniforms
>no hierarchy
What's the point of being a villain?

Eh, well, let's send Rintintin, HAL 9000 and the antichrist for this one.
>>
No. 1023876 ID: 4b96e4

>>1023869
Backing
>>
No. 1023879 ID: ded7a1

>>1023863
seconding
>>
No. 1023893 ID: cc218f

I want to see DWAG, Fio, and Dearly together!

Does Fio *need* to choose one of those two options upon skin contact, or can they also choose to do nothing? Unavoidable deadly compulsions would make sex difficult, if exciting.
>>
No. 1023903 ID: 094652

>>1023875
big money, deviant sex, and slaves
stuff you can't just earn legally
>>
No. 1023915 ID: c7b86e

>>1023853
My favorite super ability I've ever heard of. Let's PLEASE send them.
>>
No. 1023918 ID: 782e0e

Binzy and Tios for sure!!!! I need to see the computer duo be absolutely awesome together, pleeeeeease.
>>
No. 1023929 ID: cdbf4f

>>1023893
Fio can choose not to use it! They cannot avoid becoming aware of the two desires on contact, though.
>>
No. 1023930 ID: 008b72

LEARN ON THE FLY WITH DEARLY AND TIOS
>>
No. 1023931 ID: 737db7

send dearly and kel! dearly bc i love their ability, and kel so she can have a snack instead of eating the pizza guy
>>
No. 1023935 ID: 2054bb

DEARLY and Lamb! Dearly hates being bored and Lamb seems to be okay with the pizza thing
>>
No. 1023936 ID: 4da364

I think we should send DOG WITH A GUN, CLEAVELAND BONES and DEARLY-COME-BY. If both their abilities are Gun, people will probably assume dearly has something more powerful than a gun, possibly A WHOLE ARSENAL OF GUNS. i think this is a good team composition because there are MANY GUNS, WHAT COULD GO WRONG?
>>
No. 1023937 ID: 4da364

Actually on second thoughts we should probably learn about BATTLE PROFILES and ABILITY BREAKDOWNS, view the PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS, and learn about THE BATTLE SYSTEM first.
Ask questions first, SHOOT GUN later.
>>
No. 1023938 ID: 532c4f

>view personal relationships
>view battle system

But regardless of those, TIOS and Dog With A Gun are ON THE TEAM
>>
No. 1023940 ID: 5e010c

let’s read the battle profiles and relationships, otherwise I think the vamps should maybe chow down on heroes, who are not the pizza guy. With a third for funsies

Unless the heroes are the pizza guy! Maybe the pizza guy is a level 1 hero in his off hours.
>>
No. 1023944 ID: d54795

I would like to learn all the things first, so we can assemble the juiciest team comp
>>
No. 1023956 ID: 5f9e46

>>1023869
Backing this, to avoid losing out on delivery privileges.
>>
No. 1023969 ID: aadf49

>>1023856
Why even bother making it fair? Teleport the HEROES into the pizza party and just pile on them.

Otherwise we need to know about the HEROES so that we can make sure that weaknesses can't be exploited, we can also exploit theirs...
>>
No. 1023970 ID: b7e2c2

Lets check PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS! But just to see who Dog with a Gun will go with, probs Kel and Dearly. This is super cool i love it :) thank you for doing this
>>
No. 1023971 ID: 07995d

I want to see the ABILITY BREAKDOWNS and learn about the BATTLE SYSTEM first!
>>
No. 1023973 ID: cdbf4f
File 164529716036.png - (384.74KB , 1200x800 , 5.png )
1023973

>View personal relationships

Villains in the collective have two different metrics that contribute to their PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS: their relationship with each other as INDIVIDUALS, which can range from DEVOTED to VENDETTA, and their opinion of each other as FELLOW VILLAINS, which can range from ADMIRATION to CONTEMPT. These two values exist independently from one another — for example, one villain could be HOSTILE to another personally, but still have RESPECT for their villainy — but generally, improving or degrading one metric has a good chance of shifting the other along with it. If no relationship is indicated between two villains, that means they’re currently indifferent to one another and their relationship is currently NEUTRAL.

It’s very important to keep an eye on these relationships and maintain them. There are serious upsides to strong bonds — a pair of villains who are mutually DEVOTED and ADMIRING of each other can become a nearly unstoppable force on the battlefield. On the other hand, be very careful not to let things sour. Villains who are CONTEMPTUOUS of each other’s work will refuse to fight together in TEAM COMPOSITIONS, and allowing individual relations to degrade until one or more villains has a VENDETTA could have permanent consequences, from members quitting the group entirely to casualties as a result of fights breaking out. A happy villain collective is a functional villain collective!
>>
No. 1023974 ID: cdbf4f
File 164529719603.png - (264.61KB , 1200x800 , 6.png )
1023974

The group still hasn’t hashed out who to send when Dearly-Come-By cartwheels in, jingling as they go. “I heard the hero announcement, and I’m ready to go!” they announce, throwing both arms in the air. “If the team hasn’t filled up already, that is.”

“Why would it be full?” Cleveland asks. “They’re Level 1. There’s no money in it.”

“Boo! That’s such a boring way to look at it. What do I care for levels and payments?”

“You care a lot about payments,” Binzy points out dryly. “Considering yours never go in the pool. Maybe if you’d chip in a little we’d have more than eight members.”

“I wanna get to thirteen,” Fio says, sighing dreamily from the loveseat. She spans her hands out in the air in front of her, framing some glittering vision that only she can see. “Doesn’t that sound like a good number? Thirteen of us? That would be sick. It’s ominous, right? It’s cool—”

“Hey, slow down. Nothing wrong with a small team. The more people we have, the more ways we have to split our takes,” Cleveland cuts in.

Dog With A Gun has been staring out the window through the meandering conversation, and now he finally clears his throat. “TIOS, would you like to go with Dearly? You two do well together.”

TIOS is in its usual housing in the wall of the lounge. [I WOULDN’T REALLY ‘LIKE’ OR ‘DISLIKE’ DOING ANYTHING. WOULD BE FASTER TO PHRASE AS A COMMAND.]

“Very well. TIOS, please go with Dearly,” Dog With A Gun amends patiently.

[LAUGHTER. I DON’T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU. SO NO.]

“TIOS,” says Cleveland, “Go with Dearly.”

[GOD DAMN IT. COMMAND CONFIRMED.]

“Thank you, Cleveland.” Dog With A Gun finally turns away from the window, checking his cufflinks briefly as he speaks. “And if no one objects, I’ll come along as backup as well.”

“Aw, come on.” Dearly is grinning, already tumbling their way towards the elevators. “Don’t you trust me and TIOS on our own?”

Dog With A Gun, in all his typical sensitivity, doesn’t answer that.
>>
No. 1023975 ID: cdbf4f
File 164529727482.png - (187.50KB , 1200x800 , 7.png )
1023975

CURRENT TEAM COMP:


DEARLY-COME-BY
HEALTH: VARIABLE (default AVERAGE, 3/5)
ATTACK: VARIABLE (default AVERAGE, 3/5)
DEFENSE: VARIABLE (default AVERAGE, 3/5)
SPEED: VARIABLE (default AVERAGE, 3/5)
MENTAL: EXCELLENT (5/5)

BATTLE STYLE: PLEASURE
IDEAL RANGE: VARIABLE

ABILITY BREAKDOWN
Dearly’s ability is entirely reliant on a chosen target’s perception of it. Once a target is chosen, the conditions of the ability’s use begin. Dearly may do whatever they like to IMPLY an ability to the target, but any attempts to make DIRECT VERBAL STATEMENTS will break the conditions, and Dearly will have no ability until the target dies. Similarly, the target correctly deducing that Dearly’s ability is variable is considered a fail state, and they will have no ability until the target dies. (A target making the assumption that Dearly has no ability at all will result in the same outcome, but that’s the ability working as it’s meant to, not conditional failure). However, once a target makes an assumption that Dearly does have a distinct ability, that ability manifests immediately. The target does not have to state their beliefs out loud, or even be 100% certain; they just need to have an aha moment. As with fail states, the ability will persist until the target dies. Technically, to keep an ability they really enjoy, Dearly could keep the target alive indefinitely — but that would be a flagrant violation of VICTORY RULE 4, of course.

PERKS
SMOKE AND MIRRORS Dearly is skilled in misdirection and sleight of hand, and can reliably pull off a variety of physical tricks to mislead or distract enemies in battle, or to lead them to conclusions about a false ability. They must have the needed items in their possession before battle starts (unless TIOS is on the team, in which case it can discreetly provide items from around the tower to them).
CONTORTIONIST: Twice per battle, Dearly can completely avoid an attack that would have otherwise hit, no matter how ludicrous it is for them to pull the evasion off.

DRAWBACKS
THIS IS MY SPACE. THIS IS MY AREAAAAA: Dearly will almost always refuse to use free time for anything other than goofing off, and their share of battle winnings are not relinquished for tower upgrades or new hires unless they can be convinced the expense will be fun or entertaining.
CLOWN SHIT: Dearly will do literally anything if they think it’s funny, even if that involves directly defying commands or suggestions or breaking the VICTORY RULES. If nobody else in the party finds an in-battle instance of CLOWN SHIT funny, Dearly will incur the status effect PAGLIACCI, which has variable effects including (but not limited to); BAILING on the battle entirely, SULKING and becoming unavailable for free time activities/team comp, etc.




TIOS
HEALTH: INHUMAN (10/5)
ATTACK: N/A (0/5)
DEFENSE: INHUMAN (10/5)
SPEED: LOL (0/5)
MENTAL: INHUMAN (10/5)

BATTLE STYLE: BUSINESS
IDEAL RANGE: LONG RANGE

ABILITY BREAKDOWN
TIOS can open portals the size of itself (6’6” x 3’) and transport any inanimate object through it. Rather than having an ability to move objects into the portals, it simply passes the portal over the object to be transported (similar to the arm of a flatbed scanner). Its range is enough that portals can be opened anywhere within the Tower of Evil. The object can be any volume/mass as long as it can be maneuvered through a 6’6” x 3’ rectangle. TIOS can open the portals at any orientation or position. If an animate object/creature comes into contact with an open portal, it simply won't penetrate the surface of the opening. TIOS can open and close many portals at once in an instant, but can only keep about 3 portals open for an extended period of time.

PERKS:
DEEP SCAN: TIOS can run analytics on anything in the battle room, reporting vitals (STATS and HEALTH BARS) from heroes, searching for concealed weapons, etc.
IMPERVIOUS: TIOS cannot be affected by attacks meant to ambiently affect physical bodies (i.e. poison gas) or any forms of mind control/hypnosis.

DRAWBACKS
HAL 9000: TIOS is incapable of disobeying commands given by CLEVELAND BONES, but it doesn't have to listen to anyone else, and it's kind of an asshole so it frequently doesn't. TIOS likes to experiment with the boundaries of its programming and is at times willfully malicious, uncooperative, and spiteful.
IT’S A FUCKING RECTANGLE: TIOS is a fucking rectangle. It has high defense because it’s a very solidly built rectangle, but if a hero got the opportunity to get in there and really start whaling on it, it has absolutely no way of defending itself.



DOG WITH A GUN
HEALTH: GREAT (4/5)
ATTACK: EXCELLENT (5/5)
DEFENSE: GREAT (4/5)
SPEED: OKAY (2/5)
MENTAL: GREAT (4/5)

BATTLE STYLE: BUSINESS
IDEAL RANGE: POINT BLANK or MID RANGE

ABILITY BREAKDOWN: Dog With A Gun has a gun. He is also highly skilled at hand-to-hand combat.

PERKS
EXECUTION: At POINT BLANK range, Dog With A Gun can INSTANTLY KILL a hero. Doing this damages his PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP with Fio (even if Fio isn’t in the team) and with any other villains in the team with the PLEASURE battle style.
INTERROGATION: At POINT BLANK range, Dog With A Gun can instantly inflict the status effect PAIN on a hero without damaging their HEALTH. If he manages to maintain this position until the next turn (i.e. the hero is somehow restrained,) he can instantly increase the severity to AGONY. If he manages to maintain this position one more time, he can — in most cases — instantly increase the severity to DESPAIR. Doing this improves his PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP with Fio and any other villains in the team with the PLEASURE battle style, but is considered a violation of Rule #4 if Fio is not in the team (and if Fio is not in the team, using this perk will damage his relationship with any other villains in the team with the BUSINESS battle style).

DRAWBACKS
PUPPY BRAIN: Dog With A Gun can be distracted by anything that would distract the average dog; thrown objects, small animals, strange noises, etc. It is compulsive the first time distracting stimuli happens, and he loses his turn; after the first incident he can fight the urge, but may still experience penalties to ATTACK, DEFENSE, or SPEED.
GUARD DOG: Dog With A Gun will defy or ignore all commands/suggestions that would prevent him from defending any villains with which he has a POSITIVE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP from serious danger. He will also defend villains with which he has a positive personal relationship at the expense of his own HEALTH and MENTAL well-being.


+++

Are you satisfied with this team?
>>
No. 1023977 ID: e51896

This is a terrible team, ergo, it's perfect and I'm satisfied. go for it!
>>
No. 1023979 ID: 0838d6

*mashes the yes button*
>>
No. 1023980 ID: c92a02

I have no idea how this team will function together. Of course we'll take it.
>>
No. 1023982 ID: 8d2ec5

this will be a mess but itll probably be funny. yes.
>>
No. 1023983 ID: 7d37c6

let’s fucking gooooo
>>
No. 1023984 ID: 4c97fd

>>1023975
Glad that DCB's stat sheet explicitly calls out the option of using juggler nonsense to fake powers, thereby getting their mark to draw conclusions. Good use of skillset. Magicians and Clowns are in the same phylum.
>>
No. 1023985 ID: 5f9e46

Dearly and TIOS have pretty good synergy but dog is clearly suited for an all business team or a fio team. That said, we don't change things by just going with the best move every time!

Go for it, let's see some chaos.
>>
No. 1023986 ID: 7eb8f3

Yeah sure. Ready for Team Funnybusiness to bust some heads.
>>
No. 1023989 ID: c26e98

this team is a mess. go for it
>>
No. 1023997 ID: 5f48a9

Team comp has potential particularly as a "Dearly With Supporting Cast" setup, though Dog will have to make do with his high average stats and good defensive screening ability outside of emergency ability use due to penalties to the overall coalition. Dearly has a high potential affinity with TIOS if they can play to its vindictive and rebelious streak with their humor.
>>
No. 1023998 ID: acfe78

I was against it until the name "Team Funnybusiness" was posited and now I'm all for it, let's go gamers.
>>
No. 1024002 ID: 094652

Obfuscating Incompetence. I like it.
Operation: Not-So-Harmless Comic Relief is a go!
>>
No. 1024004 ID: ce39da

Dog is hampered somewhat, but to be fair, he’s playing backup for Dearly and TIOS against a couple of LV. 1 heroes, so it’s not like he needs to use his abilities. Dearly and TIOS work well together, meanwhile, and I guess Dog can just play tutorial narrator while providing support as the NPC of this comp. Let’s do this.
>>
No. 1024031 ID: b74ee1

we dont get to control dog though, theres no guarantee he wont decide to use his abilities on his own, especially since hes just neutral with both dearly and tios. i still say lets see what happens but could cause a few problems
>>
No. 1024035 ID: 993203

perfect team 10/10 you all KNOW dearly is going to pretend to throw a ball or something for DWAG
>>
No. 1024051 ID: 4da364

This is a perfect team. We have A FUCKING RECTANGLE, a JANGLY CLOWN and a DOG.

This is A RESPECTABLE START TO A COMEDY ROUTINE. commence battling!
>>
No. 1024052 ID: 4da364

NOTE: if THE RECTANGLE is not in OBVIOUS VIEW, DEARLY could take advantage of the OBVIOUS PORTALS as the heroes would NATURALLY ASSUME IT IS THE OTHER PERSON IN THE ROOM CREATING THEM. we would then have 2X THE AMOUNT OF PORTAL CREATION and could RIP PEOPLE IN HALF WITH PORTALS.
>>
No. 1024060 ID: 1061f6

I think Lamb + Cleveland and TIOS would work well together! It's just some scrubs so I don't think sending out heavy hitters would be worth the effort and I want Kel to be available to eat the pizza guy.
>>
No. 1024064 ID: 8fca49

Do we get to specify the two team members we control, or is it chosen at random?
>>
No. 1024068 ID: 15a025

I could see this being a very fun team. Let's roll!
>>
No. 1024069 ID: 0c6392

I am extremely into the idea of TIOS teleporting crap for Dearly to get powers.

My initial thought was teleporting their weapon of choice (throwing knives? gun? explosives??) into their hands so they can conjure an endless amount of whatever it is.

But somebody above mentioned that if the heros assume Dearly is making the portals, then they can make more portals, and maybe ones without the limitations TIOS's have. i.e. doing portal cuts.

QUESTION: if TIOS's portals can be moved around, and living things just are repelled by the surface, can TIOS, say, squish living things against walls? or make them run into a wall (portal) that wasn't there a second ago?
>>
No. 1024082 ID: 9ccedd

secondary objective: get Dearly PAGLIACCI'd turn one
>>
No. 1024087 ID: a28664

Team looks perfect to me with no flaws! Into the fray!
>>
No. 1024093 ID: cdbf4f

>>1024064
Right now it’s defaulted to Dearly and TIOS because they received the most votes, but you can all discuss changing that if you like. (Also, team comp will not always be determined by which individual characters get the most votes — for example, if there’s a debate between two very different team comps it’ll make more sense to keep those combos intact instead of mix and matching just based on who’s been mentioned the most — but this time these three characters were mentioned in a few different combinations.)

>>1024069
>QUESTION: if TIOS's portals can be moved around, and living things just are repelled by the surface, can TIOS, say, squish living things against walls? or make them run into a wall (portal) that wasn't there a second ago?
When TIOS’ ability breakdown said living things “won’t penetrate” the portal surface, it just meant they won’t go through! It would have been better wording to just say the portal has no effect, TIOS’ breakdown will reflect that from here on out.
It’s worth noting, however, that if a target assumes Dearly can make portals, those portals will work in the way the target thinks they do, regardless of the actual mechanics behind how Dearly created the impression.
>>
No. 1024097 ID: 094652

In the long run, Dearly-Come-By is a seasonal player. They're going to be a powerhouse in the early game, but their strength is directly tied to their local reputation - that is to say, almost none. A few months in, people are going to talk, and eventually a scandal (translated as everyone realizing what their power is) will break their capacity to function properly in the home field, forcing their to either take limiting prosthetics (get some idiot patsy to believe in a power and then keep them alive for a while), or annul her contracts and start over in another country (much more probable). And storing them for the big leagues is not a viable strategy - realistically, the base will be hacked in the long run, and someone is going to connect enough intel to realize their "M. Mfsplaintxlk" isn't as all-powerful as they appear.

Point is, we should use them while they're fresh.

Swap Dog With A Gun with Kel.
>>
No. 1024106 ID: a70a13

I'll say that for the sake of an early game party set up, this is a pretty good angle. Dog should be a pretty easy character to control, and he and Tios should be able to get things done effectively thanks to their business tping.

Dearly is going to be an interesting experiment with wild-card play, but since Tios is there to back them up I think this'll be alright.

Not sure if we're gonna be able to use any of Dog's Perks since that'll effect the relationships with either Dearly or Tios and I don't wana burn those bridges quite yet.

This is a long winded way to say yes I think we're good!
>>
No. 1024112 ID: 0c6392

>>1024093
Ah, interesting! Thanks for the clarification.

in that case, 2 MORE QUESTIONS:
(I apologize, a little, for being rules lawyer-y, but you've given us a weird physics thing and I'm compelled to pick at it until I find the edges.) Can TIOS's portals be used to strip items/weapons/gear/clothes off of a living person, since their stuff is still inanimate? would they have to be willing?

Does Dearly immediately know what their powers are, when they get them? Or do they have to figure out and trial and error a bit?
>>
No. 1024114 ID: 0c6392

>>1024082

Also, this seems like a real risk, having Dearly alongside two BUSINESS types. We might want to avoid that in the future.

It might be informative, though, and it'll be funny. So let's just go with it for now.


So! Let's see what these level one heroes are like! Time for violence!!
>>
No. 1024118 ID: 572060

I'm very satisfied with this team, I cant wait to see how they get those level 1 heroes
>>
No. 1024148 ID: e80deb

>>1023975
>INTERROGATION: At POINT BLANK range, Dog With A Gun can instantly inflict the status effect PAIN on a hero without damaging their HEALTH. If he manages to maintain this position until the next turn (i.e. the hero is somehow restrained,) he can instantly increase the severity to AGONY. If he manages to maintain this position one more time, he can — in most cases — instantly increase the severity to DESPAIR. Doing this improves his PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP with Fio and any other villains in the team with the PLEASURE battle style, but is considered a violation of Rule #4 if Fio is not in the team (and if Fio is not in the team, using this perk will damage his relationship with any other villains in the team with the BUSINESS battle style).
hot
>>
No. 1024153 ID: 33f0ce
File 164540675056.png - (344.41KB , 640x429 , 2ad.png )
1024153

>>1024148
>>
No. 1024190 ID: ea8342

Awful. Lesgo
>>
No. 1024191 ID: cdbf4f

>>1024112
Nope, cannot slurp clothing/items off a person. An item has to be "separated" from the animate creature to be manipulated (i.e. a dropped weapon could be ported, a weapon still being held cannot.)
Dearly will have some instinctive understanding of how to use a newly acquired ability, but the extents and specifics of it require testing (i.e. nobody has to TELL you how to jump, but if you're looking at an iffy ledge and thinking "Can I make that?" you'll just have to try.)

No worries about questions btw! Some hypotheticals I want questers to figure out in-game by trying it out, but in other cases I want you to have to info you need to make the best of the mechanics. There is a discussion thread where hashing out theories/questions can go if it's too involved to stay in the main thread here: https://questden.org/kusaba/questdis/res/137020.html[/spoiler]
>>
No. 1024196 ID: 1fe91c

TIOS and Dearly are an A+ pairing, and we should probably control them since their powers are both fairly finicky.

Dog is a mismatch unless he's on a full pleasure Fio team, but hey, he's got a solid enough build with no right answers on this team, so just let him be the free roamer.

Can't make mistakes if it's all a mixed bag
>>
No. 1024204 ID: 0c6392

Can't overspecialize if you don't specialize! Let's go!

..We should probably control TIOS and Dearly, though, yeah. I trust Dog to mostly be helpful and mostly not piss anyone off too much, I don't trust TIOS to necessarily work well with Dearly if we don't make it.
>>
No. 1024226 ID: b954cd

>>1024191
Link is a little broken there in the spoiler tag, for anyone else having issues make sure to remove the </span> that appears in the url when you click on it.
>>
No. 1024361 ID: cdbf4f
File 164564635033.png - (655.60KB , 1200x800 , 8.png )
1024361

Downstairs, two hapless heroes have wandered into the first-floor atrium. Their voices echo off the glass and marble and crystal as they speak.

“It’s so empty,” the first whispers, clutching her staff. “And quiet… I thought an alarm would go off, or something…”

“It’s okay, Dyana!” Her companion flashes her a smile, which she weakly returns, and a thumbs-up, which she doesn’t. “This is better, right? So far, so good.”

“I don’t know, Grand. I have a bad feeling.” Her grip tightens, and she stops a few steps out of the open doorway, her gaze flickering restlessly around the vast hall. “I… maybe we should go…”

“No way! Hey, come on.” Grand grabs gently at one of her hands, prying it away from the staff and leading her along. “We’ve been saving up for this permit for ages. And we passed the registry test with flying colors, didn’t we?” He broadens his grin, trying his best to beam his reassurance out like sunlight. “The city council wouldn’t have let us in if they didn’t think we could win.”
>>
No. 1024362 ID: cdbf4f
File 164564636561.png - (280.28KB , 1200x800 , 9.png )
1024362

That’s when the team arrives, though. TIOS slots into one of its designated housing niches with a soft clank and a pneumatic hiss, hidden from view in the alcove that leads to the elevators, and Dearly tumbles right out into the atrium, a bounce in their step, as Dog With A Gun saunters out calmly behind them. He’s the one who speaks first, hands in his pockets when he comes to a halt.

“You shouldn’t have come here,” he tells them. The baritone rumble of it carries easily across the space; there’s no reason for him to raise his voice. “But you have. And so I apologize for what’s about to happen to you.”
>>
No. 1024363 ID: cdbf4f
File 164564638372.png - (492.45KB , 1200x800 , 10.png )
1024363

ROLLING TURN ORDER:
DYANA: [1d8?+SPD?= 6]
GRAND: [1d8?+SPD?=4]
DEARLY: [8+3=11]
DOG WITH A GUN: [4+2=6]
TIOS: [2+0=2]

TIEBREAKER:
DYANA: [1d8?+ATK?=5]
DOG WITH A GUN: [7+5=12]

TURN ORDER:
DEARLY
DOG WITH A GUN
DYANA
GRAND
TIOS

BATTLE START! Input commands for Dearly!
>>
No. 1024367 ID: a2493c

>>1024363
Dearly: start charging up a kamehameha
>>
No. 1024368 ID: 19da02

Dearly: Start making mysterious hand gestures in Dyana's general direction.
>>
No. 1024369 ID: 41caaf

Do some gymnastic pirouettes while yelling "ARE YOU FEELING IT?? ARE YOU FEELING IT HEROS??"
>>
No. 1024371 ID: 1e3512

Dearly mime charging hand laser is good
>>
No. 1024372 ID: a28664

"Grand" is SUCH a hero name, my god

Also the artstyle for the battle is so cute!!!
>>
No. 1024373 ID: 79ef84

seconding miming charging up a hand laser.. i feel like being vague or asking the heroes if they're feeling anything might be showing dearly's hand a little too much. leave no room for interpretation
>>
No. 1024376 ID: 074466

>>1024363
Dearly: knock a crystal down with a very flashy maneuver. whether it manages to hit someone is secondary
>>
No. 1024382 ID: 0c6392

alright, first of all.
>Dearly: TARGET DYANA.

She seems nervous, more likely to make catastrophic (fun!) assumptions.

especially, I think, if we threaten her by trying to
>FLANK them.
Maybe head up those pillars if feasible?

And then wait for a moment for TIOS to drop in something fun. I'm thinking a throwing axe and knives. Or pyrotechnics. Fireworks for fire powers against plant girl?

Mysterious finger wiggling a bonus, but not strictly necessary.
>>
No. 1024383 ID: 801dda

Dearly: Backflip over to right behind the heroes, and whisper something intimidating into the staff one’s ear. “You don’t look very certain you’re ready for this... It’s not too late to back out :) [LIE]”
>>
No. 1024388 ID: a70a13

Dearly: Tell that final fantasy looking ass mother fucker that he looks DELICIOUS, then steal his stupid bandana!!
>>
No. 1024390 ID: ce39da

> TARGET
Hmm, yeah, Dyane's more nervous, but I think Grand might be significantly more gullible. I vote to target Grand.

Start (wordlessly) charging some attack and let his himbo-ass mind fill in the blanks.
>>
No. 1024394 ID: c92a02

Do some flips 'n shit up those crystalline pillars. It's over once you have the high ground.
>>
No. 1024399 ID: 63c1dc

Dearly: Do some kind of sick gymnastic move that knocks the crystal pillars over in a comical domino effect. This will be fun, and maybe convince the hero's you have super strength
>>
No. 1024444 ID: 59f57a

Dearly: target Dyana and make an impressive and threatening knife-juggling.
>>
No. 1024452 ID: d9e93e

Dearly: mirror Grand's posture and all of his movements for no reason
>>
No. 1024453 ID: 0a3a86

Have you people not watched DBZ? You don't START with the Kamehameha you save that for later (it's a good idea though).
Dearly, steal that girl's stick. It looks neat. You should have it.
>>
No. 1024454 ID: 82521f

dyanna seems like a magic wielder so she might know too much for dearly to convince her that there's dark magic or hand lasers afoot or whatever. i second targeting grand, and i think dearly should just...talk to him. make him assume some kind of mind control/persuasion power if possible.
>>
No. 1024456 ID: b954cd

I think that the best course of action for Dearly would be to try to scare Grand. Let him know that the council is in our pocket, and he just paid for the honor of us killing him.

Then we target him and rush for a hammer kick to the head, I want him to think we hit like a train.

Shame tios goes last, they are probably going to make a guess on our ability before the portals get to start flying.
>>
No. 1024460 ID: 34dfce

Which would get more mentally fucked up by seeing the other brutally murdered in front of them?

If we kill Dyana, then Grand would be crushed and feel like she failed Dyana by having her put her trust in Grand.

If we kill Grand first, then we could drive Dyana to complete and utter despair.

--

As for the method, either we turn brutality to the max for at least the first to drive home the psychological effect, or D-waG just executes them to show how uncaring and sterile this whole thing is.

is this the right mindset?
>>
No. 1024461 ID: b3ced5

I know we’re already a pretty long range comp but I think we should at some point give Dearly a water gun. That would be a hoot and a holler until she figures out how to mime indestructibility and/or omnipotence.

Idea: we combine TIOS’s teleportation with Dearly’s slight of hand to drop TIOS on top of them and convince them she has super strength.
>>
No. 1024462 ID: b3ced5

INAZUMA KICK!!!
>>
No. 1024465 ID: cdbf4f
File 164572526757.png - (346.74KB , 1200x800 , 11.png )
1024465

Dearly springs into action, bounding up the pillars that connect to the mezzanine in a dazzling display of acrobatics — but, more importantly, it places them above both heroes. They grin down at both of them, waving. “I don’t think you’re ready for this!” they call down, in a bright sing-song.

There’s an awful opportunity here, and of course Dearly takes it. Their position places them close enough to one of the crystal lamps to sabotage it, and so they busy themself with the chain. “Whoopsies! Ahahahaha!”
>>
No. 1024466 ID: cdbf4f
File 164572528588.png - (683.41KB , 1200x800 , 12.png )
1024466

ROLLING DODGE:
DYANA: [1d8?+SPD?=5]
FAIL
>>
No. 1024467 ID: cdbf4f
File 164572530427.png - (474.75KB , 1200x800 , 13.png )
1024467

gore, blood

A shattering crash, and a scream, and neither is enough to fully drown out Dearly’s continuing laughter. Dyana is pinned beneath the wreckage of the lantern, blood spreading in a rapidly expanding pool around her.

STATUS INFLICTED: IMMOBILIZED
>>
No. 1024469 ID: cdbf4f
File 164572532632.png - (408.66KB , 1200x800 , 14.png )
1024469

“Ah, well! Now you’re really not ready,” Dearly crows, as soon as they’ve recovered from their bout of giggles. They then extend both arms, aiming a threatening gesture right at Dyana — and they’ve palmed a pair of small hand mirrors they always keep in their inventory, tilting them at just the right angle to reflect the refracted glow of the lanterns out in dazzling flashes as they do. “Heeheeheehee!”
>>
No. 1024470 ID: cdbf4f
File 164572534476.png - (358.33KB , 1200x800 , 15.png )
1024470

gore, blood

Dog With A Gun was ready to be annoyed. Really, he was, because normally he never finds out whether or not Dearly actually has a plan until it’s far too late. Whatever that was is working, though, so now he can just hope there’s more to the plan than destroying their home. “I suppose I’m covering you while you do your thing, then,” he sighs — more to himself than to them — and he sets his sights on Grand.

Dog With A Gun does not like fucking around. He raises his Beretta and empties a third of his magazine.

ROLLING COMBAT:
DOG WITH A GUN:
[1+5=6]
[7+5=12]
[3+5=8]
[4+5=9]
[3+5=8]

GRAND: [1d8?+DEF?=9]

The first bullet goes wide — Grand is already turning to run to Dyana when Dog With A Gun starts — but he makes the infinitesimal adjustment needed with the second to hit the hero in the shoulder, and that’s what makes Grand turn to face the rest of the barrage. These he deflects, in an off-balance flurry of arm movements, with arcs of electricity sparking off each maneuver.

Dog With A Gun makes a small noise of annoyance in the back of his throat.
>>
No. 1024471 ID: cdbf4f
File 164572536461.png - (436.85KB , 1200x800 , 16.png )
1024471

ROLLING COMBAT:
DOG WITH A GUN:
[7+5=12]
[1+5=6]
[6+5=11]
[3+5=8]
[3+5=8]

GRAND: [1d8?+DEF?=7]


In the second burst all but one shot hits. Grand staggers back a step, then crumples, his breaths rasping.

STATUS INFLICTED: INCAPACITATED

Dog With A Gun closes his eyes, for a moment, his previous irritation soothed — but he doesn’t drop his arm. There are still five shots left in his magazine.

“No delaying the hero killshot,” he recites, quietly.
>>
No. 1024472 ID: cdbf4f
File 164572538331.png - (478.88KB , 1200x800 , 17.png )
1024472

ROLLING COMBAT:
DOG WITH A GUN:
[2+5=7]
[2+5=7]
[6+5=11]
[4+5=9]
[1+5=6]

GRAND: [0]

He empties the rest of his ammo into Grand’s body. After the first twitch there’s no movement for the final four shots.

“This is why I don’t think villains should have guns,” Dearly calls down from their perch — still ‘charging their laser.’ “That’s not even funny, Dog.”

Dog With A Gun closes his eyes again, one ear twitching with satisfaction at the sound of the empty magazine pinging against the tile when he releases it, the other twitching with irritation at Dearly’s commentary. “Please only call me by my full name.”
>>
No. 1024473 ID: cdbf4f
File 164572540425.png - (477.14KB , 1200x800 , 18.png )
1024473

gore, body horror

Dyana stops struggling to free herself when Grand falls, seemingly winded by the force of sheer disbelief. She spends a moment panting, her eyes darting around the hall, seeking some sliver of hope — some deus ex machina.

She doesn’t find it. It’s not supposed to be like this, but it is. So she tightens her grip on her staff, choking back tears, and leans her forehead against it before raising it up.

“I’m sorry, Grand,” she whispers, her voice breaking. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to do.”

She slams the staff down and crawling roots explode from its base, twisting around each other and writhing across the floor until they find the lump of flesh that used to be Grand. The tips of the vines slither up and around his limbs, seeking, and then the bullet wounds they find become the point of entry. There’s a sickening cacophony of stretching and crunching as the vines inhabit the corpse, pushing muscle fiber out of the way and winding around bone to reinforce — and Grand stands up again, slowly, still spilling unsteady bursts of blood as he lurches to his feet.

Dyana hides her face against her own arm, shuddering. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—”

GRAND’S STATS HAVE CHANGED.
HEALTH: ? +2
ATTACK: ? -2
DEFENSE: ? +3
SPEED: ? -2
MENTAL: ? -3
>>
No. 1024474 ID: cdbf4f
File 164572541981.png - (458.42KB , 1200x800 , 19.png )
1024474

Grand staggers forward, dripping and creaking as he goes.

ROLLING COMBAT:
GRAND: [1d8?+ATK?-2=8]
DOG WITH A GUN: [6+4=10]

The body swipes at Dog With A Gun, the limbs protesting horribly at the strain of it, and he neatly sidesteps as he busies himself with reloading. “Dearly,” he says, firmly. “Any time now.”


Input commands for TIOS, then Dearly!
>>
No. 1024475 ID: 82521f

TIOS: deep scan. we should know exactly what grand's stats are, especially now that they're boosted.

Dearly: uhhhhh, fire laser?
>>
No. 1024476 ID: b954cd

Well they sure were level 1 alright, I was expecting it to be easy but not an outright bloodbath.

> TIOS: teleport an axehead overtop the vines, have it fall to cut them, we dont need a vinezombie causing trouble.
>>
No. 1024477 ID: 4da364

I second portalling an axe on top of the vines.
Or, if possible, finding a laser being shot somewhere to portal infront of dearly's hands. Let's arm this jester with LETHAL FIREPOWER. Yeehaw, baby.
>>
No. 1024478 ID: d461d1

TIOS: scan the area, can never be too careful

Dearly: go down and stomp the chandelier further into her.
>>
No. 1024479 ID: 79ef84

TIOS: Scan grand... something is happening there

Dearly: Can we fire that laser?
>>
No. 1024481 ID: 1e3512

teleport guillotine blade on vines, fire laser
>>
No. 1024482 ID: 801dda

TIOS: drop gasoline on both heroes
Dearly: ignite with laser
>>
No. 1024483 ID: a2493c

>>1024473
oh man, that's HILARIOUSLY foul. Why don't we recruit them?
>>
No. 1024484 ID: effa36

Well, does this place have projectors? Maybe TIOS could play back the resurrection for the hero. And of course then Dearly should get her attention by poking fun at it, drawing attention to their hands, hopefully fire laser.
>>
No. 1024485 ID: 993203

tios: give dearly some fast acting pesticide. maybe dearlly will appreciate the comedy of weed whacking a plant-zombie
>>
No. 1024488 ID: 0c6392

Fucked up and awful! I love it this is fun.

>TIOS: Drop something on (the vibes leading to) Grand's body.

Could get a big sharp thing from somewhere, ooor could take after Dearly and portal away a few links of the chain holding up the second crystal.

I'm not sure we need to SCAN, this might be over in a moment, but it wouldn't hurt if we can do that at the same time. SCAN both of them, though, if we do.

>TIOS: Give DEARLY a firework.

Roman candle? something that shoots a gout of flame?

>DEARLY: Do whatever it is DYANA thinks you're about to do, if possible yet. Otherwise, light firework.

and finally

>DEARLY: Jump down and stomp.

As per >1024478
because that's horrible. it'll be great.
>>
No. 1024489 ID: 34dfce

>>1024474
Play it up. Act like that is one of the most evil acts you have ever seen. How you are all villains but even you have some morals (this is a lie, of course). Talk about how utterly depraved it is that she desecrates the body of her friend in such a way.
>>
No. 1024490 ID: a70a13

Let's not delay the kill shot, guys. Dyana deserves at least some mercy.

TIOS: Drop something heavy on top of Dyana. She can't move and she's preoccupied with handling Grand.

She's already pinned and can't move so let's keep this moving forward.
>>
No. 1024492 ID: ce39da

>>1024489
This seems like something Fio would do, although I wouldn't put it past Dog, given his philosophical motives, to pontificate on that for a moment...

>>1024490
While TIOS does this just as the words are hitting her. If that doesn't finish her off, Dearly's laser will... or they'll just finish her off in some mundane way if the notion doesn't grab hold of her.
>>
No. 1024493 ID: b6d1f3

> dearly: since the girl seems pretty distracted by being skewered and committing necromancy, wolf whistle to get her attention again. remind her you'll obliterate her and make a quip about how wrong what shes doing to her friend is. desecrating his corpse, oh no!!!! heroes are weak to morals
>tios if shes too distracted to make something happen with dearlys charge attack, teleport something into their hands. if they do succeed in gaining an ability, analyze the field
>>
No. 1024508 ID: c92a02

Hey, no tragic romance! Don't make the tap the sign.
TIOS: Continuing the theme of falling light sources, drop something combustible on the vine connecting the star-crossed lovers.
Dearly: Go after the controller with your "lasers", expect her to use the zombie as a meatshield.
>>
No. 1024511 ID: 094652

>>1024482
Seconded
>>
No. 1024544 ID: 1e3ae4

I really do want to know what Dyana thinks Dearly's doing.
>>
No. 1024546 ID: 2006ee

Fire that there laser, burn her and the vineboy to a crisp.
>>
No. 1024608 ID: 46f9d3

TIOS: scan grand
drop something sharp on the vines maybe

Dont drop anything on Dyana, Dearly will pitch a hissy fit if you deny them the killshot.

Dearly, CLOWN SHIT TIME
LASERS PEW PEW
>>
No. 1024613 ID: f91a54

Tios: drop something explosive on Dyana
Dearly: take credit and clear the field
>>
No. 1024671 ID: 4da364

Wait.
That hero seems desperate, and she can zombify the dead, we *could* always try offering her the chance to join before we murderize the everloving shit out of her. If nothing else, having someone to move the bodies out might be helpful.

Plus in the time it takes them to talk to her about it, dearly can charge up a imagination powered super lazer for if she hesitates.

Young, scared heroes are probably far easier to browbeat into submission than more powerful and thus much more stubborn ones. Get them while they're cheap, right? Recruiting helpers isn't always easy. I mean, god, how hard is it to find a good janitor?
>>
No. 1024672 ID: 1e3ae4

FUCK i love that idea. Seconding Oz.
>>
No. 1024684 ID: c7b86e

>>1024671
We killed Grand, and that seems like it's probably important to her. I don't think we can get much headway here.

We've gotta have some kind of glowing orb in the tower, right? Tios, put a big glowing orb in Dearly's hand--really sell the idea of an energy beam.

Dearly: fire the lazer.
>>
No. 1024685 ID: acfe78

Seriously doubt Dyana's gonna be in any condition to be useful after witnessing and being party to _that_. Just put the poor girl out of her misery for decency's sake.
>>
No. 1024722 ID: e80deb

just execute lol. not like there's ever going to be a shortage of plucky heroes to traumatise
>>
No. 1024725 ID: 4da364

Well, if she is too traumatized, you can always feed her to the vampires! Free blood.
>>
No. 1024730 ID: a0127c

>>1024474
No delaying the hero killshot, get her outta here. Gas and Fire plan is neat if it works.

Maybe ignite the plant zombie first and watch the fire spread along the vines back to her.
>>
No. 1024735 ID: fc4173

guys, obviously we can't recruit her, that's ridiculous. we have pizza coming soon we don't have time for this.

also fire might scare away the pizza delivery guy and we've done so much property damage to our own place. drop something on her. preferably something that won't damage the floor too bad?
>>
No. 1024759 ID: 0c6392

throwing in a "Ooh, that's nasty. You wanna join us by any chance?" for flavor seems like a thing Dearly might do.

But regardless of whether they add that, let's finish up the killing.
TIOS, neutralize the vine boy.

Dearly, Finish Her. if you don't then Dog will just shoot her and that'll be boooriiiing.
>>
No. 1024815 ID: c7b86e

Wait, better idea! Tios, teleport yourself into the air above the hero. Drop on her like an anvil. Done.
>>
No. 1024828 ID: 15a025

TIOS: Portal us in a weed wacker
DEERLY: Obtain Weed wacker and go to down.
>>
No. 1024916 ID: 62edcb

Sorry for the Lamp but I hope TIOS can throw a lamp to cut the vines, or if Dearly can use their laser to cut the vines it also works
>>
No. 1024957 ID: b25484

idk if dearlys powers will be very useful rn, dyana is umm quite distracted lol and grand is a zombie, so probably wont have any opinions on dearlys powers anymore. i think tios giving dearly a weed whacker, then dearly jumping down directly on2 dyana would be fun :) and they could also weedwhack dyana and spray blood and viscera evrywhere ^_^ great fun
>>
No. 1024990 ID: 92b6cc

TIOS: more of a question but since Grand is super dead, could you just teleport his body into yourself leaving only the vines behind?

Dearly: She didn't even notice your cool trick! Hit her with the people's elbow.
>>
No. 1025002 ID: 12eb7b

>>1024671
Would be funny for the irony of becoming a villain, but not buisnesslike because it has fewer chances to succed that the benefit it would report (I like the idea, character corruption and plant zombies for the win).

If not, Dearly How many flips can you do in the air before landing over the lamp and crushing the poor girl?
>>
No. 1025051 ID: faff69

hmmm necromancy. a classic.

I second crushing DYANA with TIOS's own body. I looked over the powers and that should actually work. She's already pinned. What's she gonna do? Dodge??

I don't think a deep scan is needed for vinezombie!GRAND. There's a decent chance that killing DYANA will dispel whatever magical shit she did to GRAND's body.
>>
No. 1025052 ID: faff69

>>1024990

WAITTT thats actually a pretty solid idea. Since hes not really undead?? More just corpse animation
>>
No. 1025488 ID: c26e98

i think dearly should do some flips down and land on the thing impaling dyana. itd be funny especially if you act like it was an accident like oh whoops oh i am so sorry uhoh! we love slapstick where someone dies
>>
No. 1025640 ID: fcd3dd
File 164676594304.png - (129.70KB , 1200x800 , 20.png )
1025640

TIOS runs a DEEP SCAN on both heroes.

DYANA
HEALTH: OKAY (2/5)
ATTACK: POOR (1/5)
DEFENSE: EXCELLENT (5/5)
SPEED: GREAT (4/5)
MENTAL: EXCELLENT (4/5)

STATUS: IMMOBILIZED

GRAND
HEALTH: EXCELLENT (5/5) +2 = FUCKED UP (7/5)
ATTACK: GREAT (4/5) -2 = OKAY (2/2)
DEFENSE: AVERAGE (3/5) +3 = UNCANNY (6/5)
SPEED: AVERAGE (3/5) -2 = POOR (1/5)
MENTAL: AVERAGE (3/5) -3 = N/A (0/5)

STATUS: DEAD
>>
No. 1025641 ID: fcd3dd
File 164676596555.png - (463.07KB , 1200x800 , 21.png )
1025641

The next thing to do, which seems relatively obvious, is to destroy the connection between the two of them. The funniest way to do that seems to be to drop another chandelier.

ROLLING ABILITY:
TIOS [2+10=12]
SUCCESS

TIOS ports away a few of the links in the chain holding the central lamp up, and it is very, very hard not to say [LAUGHTER.] when the subsequent crash draws a long, weary groan from Dog With A Gun.

As expected, Grand goes limp the second the vines are severed — but they’re rapidly regrowing, climbing over the ruins of the lamp to reach the body again.
>>
No. 1025642 ID: fcd3dd
File 164676598531.png - (395.22KB , 1200x800 , 22.png )
1025642

Until now, TIOS has been staying quiet, since if it’s going to back up Dearly’s powers it’s important for the enemies to stay unaware of its presence. This hero is certainly not giving Dearly the time of day, though, and TIOS would like to wrap this up, so it speaks for the first time since the battle started.

[HEY DEARLY. YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE REALLY FUNNY?]

Dearly swivels their head in the direction of TIOS’ audio, prepared to be very put out that it’s spoiling the laser setup.

[IF YOU JUMPED, HOW MANY FLIPS DO YOU THINK YOU COULD DO BEFORE YOU LANDED ON HER?]

Dearly has now done a 180 and is not at all disappointed in TIOS.

RELATIONSHIP AFFECTED: [Dearly’s PROFESSIONAL OPINION on TIOS as a villain is now INTEREST+.]
>>
No. 1025643 ID: fcd3dd
File 164676600570.png - (542.67KB , 1200x800 , 23.png )
1025643

The vines have almost, almost, almost reached Grand to reconnect when Dearly leaps off the mezzanine with a whoop. Dyana looks up in time to see them do exactly SEVEN perfect flips —
>>
No. 1025644 ID: fcd3dd
File 164676603668.png - (486.96KB , 1200x800 , 24.png )
1025644

And, tragically, an evil jester doing seven flips is the last thing she sees. Blood and shards of crystal explode in a firework of chaos as Dearly lands on top of the lamp, driving it down so forcefully that it cracks the marble floor.

[LAUGHTER,] says TIOS.

“Aheeheeheehoohooha!” says Dearly-Come-By.

“We live here,” says Dog With A Gun, tiredly. He’s rubbing his forehead slowly with the fingertips of one hand, not that either of the others are paying enough attention to see him doing it. “You understand that, don’t you? That we live here?”

“TIOS, TIOS, TIOS! You saw that, didn’t you? It was like an EXPLOSION—”

[IT WAS VERY FUNNY. YOU DID SEVEN FLIPS.]

“Oh, I’m so glad you counted, because you know how when you’re actually flipping you can’t really tell—”

[I DON’T KNOW THAT. I’M A FUCKING RECTANGLE. BUT IT WAS SEVEN.]

“Chandeliers cost money,” Dog With A Gun continues, raising his voice slightly. “Flooring costs money. Repairing the wiring costs money—”

[PIZZA GUY DETECTED,] says TIOS.
>>
No. 1025645 ID: fcd3dd
File 164676605690.png - (441.98KB , 1200x800 , 25.png )
1025645

The pizza guy is standing near the entry doors, doing his best not to look at the pile of gore and crystal shards nearby. “Uh, I’ve got… one medium black olive and anchovy and onion, one medium meatlovers, one large extra cheese with stuffed crust, and two boxes of cinnamon dippers? For a Binzy Breaks?”

“Are any of those dog safe,” asks Dog With A Gun, darkly.

“Sorry?”

“Did she remember to ask that one of them contain no garlic or onion,” he repeats, slowly.

The pizza guy checks the receipt, squinting. “Uhhh… no, sorry. Doesn’t look like it.”

Dog With A Gun reholsters his weapon with a violence usually absent from most of his gestures. “Well. Then I am going upstairs to cook myself some dinner.”
>>
No. 1025646 ID: fcd3dd
File 164676607984.png - (277.25KB , 1200x800 , 26.png )
1025646

BATTLE CLEAR! THE VILLAINS WIN!

WINNINGS:
5,000 Minx per Hero Level = 10,000Mx
Style Bonus = 2,000Mx

Each villain in team receives 4,000Mx each!

Dog With A Gun deposits 1,000Mx in his PERSONAL FUNDS and deposits 3,000Mx in the COMMUNAL POOL.

Dearly deposits 4,000Mx in their PERSONAL FUNDS. [NON-NEGOTIABLE]

Please determine how TIOS handles its winnings, and how Dearly + TIOS handle the pizza guy.
>>
No. 1025648 ID: 1ceb6b

3k into the communal pool, and 1k into Cleveland’s account.
Tios: pizza goes in portal, money comes out.
Dearly: have one last dance with Grand. Too bad Dyana can’t join in, what with being impaled to the floor and all.
>>
No. 1025649 ID: 993203

dearly: thank pizza guy, juggle pizza boxes all the way upstairs

tios: just give it all to cleveland and then cleveland can buy upgrades (or repair the floor) as needed. cleveland is probably more responsible than the combined forces of TIOS With Spending Money and Dearly.
>>
No. 1025650 ID: d5bb66

TIOS: Teleport the pizza away from the guy, for safety. Can't have the pies being harmed.
Dearly: More clown shit! Make the delivery guy uncomfortable. Splash blood on him, dance with a corpse as previously suggested, or maybe fashion some fun new baubles out if the shattered and bloody shards of the lamp and ask for his opinion.
>>
No. 1025651 ID: 2d49b6

You can't just kill a pizza guy, they're hard working and are the backbone of our society. At least tip 'em. With money. Not off a cliff.
>>
No. 1025653 ID: ddd190

Tios offer to pay the pizza guy 4,000Mx to clean up the foyer

Dearly offer to take the pizzas upstairs so you can do Clown Shit to them. everyone loves pranks with food, it'll be funny!
>>
No. 1025654 ID: 51ee38

TIOS: 3k into the pool, tip the pizza guy... unclear how much money a Minx is but whatever the equivalent of fifty bucks would be? Everything else into the personal account.

Dearly: Please do not fuck with the pizza guy. You want pizza in the future, right? Probably?
>>
No. 1025655 ID: 80d873

>>1025654
Almost correct. Pizza money comes out of the communal pool, not personal funds.
>>
No. 1025658 ID: 96c896

>>1025646
Don't murder the pizza guy. Not unless you don't want pizza again.
You can be mean to him though. Take his clothes, or worse, don't leave a tip. Oh, some Clown Shit would be a pantsing, for sure.

TIOS should put all of it in the communal pool because what is a fucking rectangle going to do with money?
>>
No. 1025661 ID: a2493c

>>1025646
unofficial house rule, pizza guys are sacred. No killing the tasty food men.
>>
No. 1025664 ID: a0127c

>>1025646
Mess with the pizza guy a bit, BUT give him a tip if he's a good sport.
>>
No. 1025665 ID: d9d712

Supervillainy is one thing, but being rude to service workers is a whole new depth of evil. Politely take the pizza and leave a nice tip.
>>
No. 1025685 ID: a70a13

We do NOT harass the pizza guy. He’s providing us a service that we need and did absolutely nothing wrong. We do NOT harass customer service representatives.

Tip extremely well as you take the pizzas and let him know you guys appreciate his hard work. He did his best to ignore the gore after all.
>>
No. 1025704 ID: 0c6392

Dearly: Immediately leave with an entire pizza. whichever your favorite is.

TIOS: Teleport the remaining, unclowned pizzas up to the others, and teleport out a pretty good tip.



TIOS: you don't need spending money, you're a fucking rectangle, anything you need probably has to go through somebody else anyway. So only take a bit, couple hundred maybe, and do the normal 1/3 split between Cleveland and the pool for the rest.
>>
No. 1025707 ID: 0c6392

no wait
nevermind the pizza
take all the cinnamon things
>>
No. 1025712 ID: fc4173

make a little haha oops don't mind the mess joke about the dead bodies. ask if the pizza guy if he wants to become a villain. tip him well regardless. it's imperative that we don't lose our pizza supply line

split the money between cleveland and the community pool. i think tios keeping some for personal use /might/ be a good idea but it would probably cause a stir and bring up the whole hierarchy thing and right now the pizza is paramount
>>
No. 1025714 ID: 1697a9

Eh, um, what if TIOS checks if any of the pizzas have no onions or garlic? It will make Dog with a Gun less of a butt to deal with during the rest of the evening.

Supporting Dearly dancing with Grand.
>>
No. 1025728 ID: 41caaf

TIOS: 3k into the pool, 500 to Cleveland, and the rest to the Pizza Guy

Dearly: see if u can pick up and puppet Grand's body to take the pizza, speaking in a lil faux voice as u thank the pizza guy for the hard work

technically we'd still be fucking w him without being a giant ass about it
>>
No. 1025730 ID: 0c6392

Oh yeah, TIOS, scan the pizzas for dog safety. Would be nice if we could make up for some of the Dog-bothering that we've done so far.
>>
No. 1025731 ID: 28e549

>>1025712
Seconding attempting to recruit the pizza guy. Isn't he tired of being nice? Doesn't he want to just go apeshit?
If he doesn't, fine, but tip him enough that he'll be kind of regretting not taking the offer for the rest of however long he stays as a pizza guy.
>>
No. 1025740 ID: fcd3dd
File 164684358371.png - (376.25KB , 1200x800 , 27.png )
1025740

[HEY, YOU,] says TIOS. [PIZZA DRONE.]

“Mhmm?” says the pizza guy. Dearly has hoisted Grand’s body up into their arms and is currently zombie-walking the corpse over in an attempt to take the pizzas, and the pizza guy is trying to make sure that the pizzas are not transferred without a reciprocal delivery of money.

[YOU WANNA MAKE FOUR THOUSAND MINX?]

“I kind of want to make the forty minx that this order costs so I can go home,” he says.

[YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE JOB IS. JUST TIDY UP THIS FOYER AND I’LL GIVE YOU FOUR THOUSAND MINX, SERIOUS.]

The pizza guy glances, very briefly, at the splatter that used to be Dyana. “I… am not sure that’s a fair price.”

[COME ON. HOW MUCH DO THEY PAY YOU A MONTH FOR FULFILLING PIZZA DIRECTIVES.]

“Depends on how much I get tipped,” says the pizza guy. He seems to be settling into the rhythm of the conversation (and of his struggle with Dearly), and his tone has become a little pointed now.

[SURE. I’M BETTING IT’S NOT FOUR GRAND, THOUGH. AND THIS WOULDN’T EVEN TAKE YOU — DEARLY, WHAT’S THE AVERAGE TIME NECESSARY TO MOVE OBJECTS AROUND AND CLEAN THINGS WHEN YOU HAVE A MISERABLE STINKING FLESH BODY.]

“I don’t know!” Dearly replies, cheerfully. They wave Grand’s arms around, splattering a bit more blood across the floor. “I don’t clean anything!”

[UNDERSTOOD. WELL, NOT A MONTH, I’M GUESSING.]

“I mostly just don’t want to do it,” says the pizza guy, who is now physically grappling with Dearly (and by extension, with Grand). The pizzas are on the floor, which is not great. “Can you just pay for these?”
>>
No. 1025741 ID: fcd3dd
File 164684360167.png - (452.28KB , 1200x800 , 28.png )
1025741

[WELL, WE CAN TELL DOG WITH A GUN I TRIED. DEARLY, WHAT IS AN AVERAGE TIP QUANTITY FOR PIZZA DELIVERY DRONES.]

“I don’t know,” Dearly says again. “Fifty?”

[PIZZA DRONE. IS FIFTY MINX ACCEPTABLE.]

The pizza guy’s eyes snap up. He seems very attentive now. “That, uh — it’s actually… kind of low?” he says, experimentally.

[DEARLY. YOU ARE DEVOID OF USEFUL INFORMATION. PIZZA DRONE, ONE HUNDRED MINX.]

The pizza guy shrugs. He stuffs his hands in his pockets. “I mean…”

[PIZZA DRONE, TWO HUNDRED MINX.]

“That sounds right,” Dearly muses.

“Yeah, that’s about the average,” says the pizza guy.

[WELL, WE ARE MEANT TO BE SUPERVILLAINS. IF POSSIBLE I PREFER TO OPERATE AT ABOVE AVERAGE. PIZZA DRONE, FIVE HUNDRED MINX.]

The pizza guy makes a loud crunchy hacking noise that could, potentially, be a choked-back laugh, but he recovers in time to respond. “That is a really excellent tip. That’s the perfect tip, actually. Great job.”

[YES. I AM A PERFECT MACHINE.]

“Absolutely.” The pizza guy holds his phone up, presumably for better signal, and TIOS transfers 40Mx out of the communal pool for the food, and 500Mx for the tip.
>>
No. 1025742 ID: fcd3dd
File 164684361752.png - (282.80KB , 1200x800 , 29.png )
1025742

Dearly is finally able to use Grand’s floppy, vine-infested arms to pick the pizzas up, and while they’re at it they make him do a clumsy bow in the pizza guy’s direction, addressing him in a falsetto. “Thank you soOoOoOo much, pizza guy! What a hard-working pizza guy you are! Keep it up!”

“Thanks,” says the pizza guy, distantly. He is repeatedly swiping his thumb down on his phone screen — refreshing his funds app over and over again to check that the number now appearing is actually real.

[PIZZA DRONE. DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT SWITCHING CAREERS,] TIOS asks.

“To what?” The pizza guy finally seems satisfied with his confirmation and slips his phone back into his pocket. “Crime scene cleanup? We already navigated that convo, I think.”

[MORE ALONG THE LINES OF CRIME SCENE CREATION. WE HAVE OPENINGS.]

“Mm. Appreciate it, but no thanks.” The pizza guy turns to leave, raising one hand to wave loosely over his shoulder. “I’m just kind of doing my own thing right now.”

He stops for a beat in the doorway, glancing over his shoulder — past Dearly, clear across to the back of the room. “Besides, you guys are dumbfucks,” he chuckles. Then he’s gone.
>>
No. 1025743 ID: fcd3dd
Audio bensound-theelevatorbossanova.mp3 - (5.83MB )
1025743

royalty free music from bensound
>>
No. 1025744 ID: fcd3dd
File 164684370996.png - (279.58KB , 1200x800 , 30.png )
1025744

“Huh! What a bizAaAaAarre interaction!” Dearly trills, still in their falsetto Grand voice. They then drop the body, catching the pizzas before they fall, and return to their normal tone. “That was kind of cute of you, though, TIOS.” They pass through the doorway leading to the elevators. TIOS is, as it has been the entire time, firmly positioned in one of the housings around the wall. “Trying to cheer Dog With A Gun up or something?”

[NEGATIVE. I TRIED TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM BECAUSE I’M NOT INTERESTED IN HEARING MORE ABOUT IT ONCE WE GET BACK UP.] TIOS pauses for a moment as it unceremoniously dumps 3000Mx into the communal pool, and the remaining 1000Mx into Cleveland’s account. It normally just all goes to Cleveland anyway, but maybe the extra buffer for repairs will take some of Dog With A Gun’s edge off. [IF HE STARTS IN ON A LECTURE I’M JUST GOING TO TURN MYSELF OFF.]

“Ha! I wish I was you! Not really, though, because you’re a rectangle.” Dearly and TIOS can keep talking even as they step into the elevator and TIOS is separately transported back upstairs, its audio simply running through the elevator speakers. “Would this pizza really get him sick, though?”

[SCANNING.] A brief moment of silence, allowing the bossa nova usually flowing through the speakers to shine through again. [CONFIRMED TRACE PRESENCE OF GARLIC IN SAUCE OF ALL THREE PIZZAS. UNLIKELY IT WOULD ACTUALLY BE ENOUGH TO CAUSE MEDICAL HARM. CONCLUSION: HIGH PROBABILITY DOG WITH A GUN IS JUST BEING A BABY.]
>>
No. 1025745 ID: fcd3dd
File 164684372777.png - (437.33KB , 1200x800 , 31.png )
1025745

The villains return triumphant. Dog With A Gun is nowhere to be seen, nor is Lamb, but Fio, Cleveland, and Binzy all collectively cheer at the appearance of the pizza boxes.

Kel seems less enthused. “Where’s the pizza guy?”

“Already gone,” Dearly chirps, bounding their way over. “You’ll just have to go sing for your supper, I suppose!”

“Yeah, about that,” says Binzy. She’s still on her laptop, though she’s maneuvering it one-handed now to help rescue the pizza from Dearly’s acrobatics. “What the hell was the extra five hundred from the pool?”

[COMPENSATION FOR THE PIZZA DRONE.]

Cleveland laughs, harshly, a rasping noise that startles almost everyone in the room before ending as abruptly as it began. TIOS’ cooling system kicks on with a faint hum. The pizza is still hot. For now, at least, the villains are at rest.
>>
No. 1025746 ID: fcd3dd
File 164684374747.png - (158.65KB , 1200x800 , 32.png )
1025746

It’s time to relax!
In between hero battles, you have FREE TIME. You can use your free time to IMPROVE SKILLS, DEVELOP RELATIONSHIPS, UPGRADE THE TOWER, and LEARN MORE about the villains in the collective and the world around you. There’s no telling how much free time you’ll have in between hero attacks, and how many tasks you’ll be able to carry out each time, so use your time wisely.

Of course, you can spend this time TRAINING: you can focus on one villain for significant improvements, or you can have several villains train together — this will be slower, but they may find new ways to synergize their abilities, offset each other’s DRAWBACKS, and they might improve their PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS, too. Then again, not everything always goes as planned; villains who are forced to train together whose styles are too incompatible might butt heads and end up worsening their relationship instead.

There’s plenty of time to HANG OUT, as well! You can choose to have any villains spend time together, for better or for worse: focusing on two of them having private moments has the potential to strongly improve their PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS (or completely wreck them, if the interaction is clumsily handled), and to reveal deep cut information about the parties involved. A larger group spending time together won’t see such jumps in intimacy, but you might find new team combinations and learn general information about more villains at once. You can also check the BULLETIN BOARD, where you can choose a player character to do favors for other villains for a surefire relationship improvement.

You can talk to BINZY to review roster info like STATS AND ABILITY BREAKDOWNS, to check how much it would cost to implement certain TOWER UPGRADES or to browse POTENTIAL RECRUITS, and to learn if there are any updates on council activities, citywide news, or upcoming hero caravans.

You don’t have to respond to the next hero threat immediately, especially if you use UPGRADES to lay traps on the lower floors. However, be warned — if you receive notification of a hero threat and you choose to finish off another FREE TIME activity, depending on how long that activity takes, the heroes may be able to ascend to the next floor without having to fight you. On the other hand, squeezing in that free time activity may also give you the edge you need to beat a tough group.

Finally, there’s a whole WORLD outside the TOWER OF EVIL. Villains can come and go as they please to seek out adventure, gain new relationships or contacts, and to just unwind away from work. Remember, though, that if you take too long and don’t return to the tower before the next hero threat, you can’t be on the team that faces off against them!

We’ll make it easy this time. You probably have time for THREE distinct free time activities before the next threat, so go at it!
>>
No. 1025748 ID: ce39da

> Assuming we're taking this one TP at a time...
Let's look at INFO + UPGRADES. Knowing is half the battle (now that we're no longer walking into a for-certain milk run), and it looks like we might have some cash to burn. (We keep it on the conservative side, of course, for daily expenses and emergencies.)
>>
No. 1025749 ID: cc218f

Dearly and Kel train together please!! If they overcome the possibility of annoying each other to death, I bet Kel would really enjoy Dearly’s sense of humour!
And I’d love to see DWAG go to the organic grocery store... maybe Cleveland could go with him, if she’s out of energy drinks or whatever...
>>
No. 1025753 ID: 72404e

Day trip :DD
>>
No. 1025755 ID: 1390a6

Since Dog and Lamb are both absent it might be nice to see them hang out together? Feel out their vibe, see how Dog's cooking situation goes with a vampire assistant, etc. I think we should also check the bulletin board
>>
No. 1025756 ID: fc4173

the audacity of that pizza guy. I respect it, but clearly we do not get enough respect for our murdering abilities.

I agree info + upgrades. also casually ask where lamb is at the moment
>>
No. 1025757 ID: 07995d

i want dearly and fio to hang out :D (probably bad for Everyone Else in the tower or surrounding area but good for them)
>>
No. 1025760 ID: 9d0463

I vote that LAMB OF GOD HANGS OUT with ANYONE BUT KEL

its not good to hate the rest of your teammates. Gotta bond over some pizza. ...are vampires also weak to garlic in this story? If so, maybe they can commiserate with DOG WITH A GUN over their coworkers clearly being TERRIBLE PEOPLE
>>
No. 1025763 ID: 993203

dog and lamb cooking hangout!! dog safe food edition, of course
>>
No. 1025765 ID: a1f5ef

Lamb of God hanging out with Dog of Gun seems pretty fun! Then Dearly and Kel training together for a laugh. Thirdly, doing some upgrades.
>>
No. 1025826 ID: d9d712

I wanna see what tower upgrades are available. I also kind of wanna see Fio and Dearly hang out for no better reason than they both seem like chaotic disasters and I'm morbidly curious.
>>
No. 1025830 ID: 094652

Training: Fio, Dog With A Gun
Research Upgrade Catalog: Binzy, TIOS
Day Trip: Everyone else
>>
No. 1025833 ID: 509fcd

Also down with more DWAG and Lamb screentime
>>
No. 1025842 ID: 34dfce

>>1025833
I am not for or against this, but I feel like it will probably just be the two of them being respectful to each other and doing their own thing, like reading a book or something.
>>
No. 1025874 ID: c92a02

-Kel and Lamb hangout
-TIOS training
-Binzy checking the bulletin board.
>>
No. 1025886 ID: 0c6392

Lamb and Dog commiserating over garlic problems sounds funny, that should happen.
Also just because I want to see more of Lamb of God. weirdo I think I like.

Besides that, let's check on tower upgrades, shall we? I wanna know what we might like to work towards.

..and check the bulletin board and see what else Binzy has on offer. I would like Informations.
>>
No. 1025920 ID: fcd3dd
File 164701710685.png - (184.73KB , 1200x800 , 33.png )
1025920

Time to visit Binzy for some INFO + UPGRADES!

It didn’t take Binzy long to load up some pizza and bring it over to her workstation. It’s rare for her to be away from her desk for long. “Alrighty, let’s see. We definitely have time to catch up on all of this, but let’s check out upgrades first.”
>>
No. 1025921 ID: fcd3dd
File 164701712321.png - (371.30KB , 1200x800 , 34.png )
1025921

“Here we’ve got a list of currently available upgrades, both for the defensible battle floors and the residential areas up here. You can see which members are for and against each upgrade, how they work, and how much they’ll cost. If I can give you a little advice — you can’t make everybody happy all the time, especially once we start recruiting and expanding our roster, so try not to stress about it too much. If somebody freaks out about it, you can always try to balance it out by giving them something else they want, or you could try to smooth it over off the clock.”


ALLIGATOR MOAT — 80,000Mx

HOW IT WORKS:
The ALLIGATOR MOAT will be built in the middle of the FIRST BATTLE FLOOR. Encroaching heroes will have to make an UNMODIFIED ROLL to attempt to cross it. VILLAINS, who will be familiar with the terrain, do not have to roll unless they’re suffering a relevant STATUS EFFECT, and will be able to apply the STAT MODIFIER of their choice. Anyone who falls into the moat will be able to make a SPEED roll to escape each turn of battle. ALLIGATORS in the moat are HOSTILE to heroes, and will attack any hero who falls in immediately and on each subsequent failed roll; they are TOLERANT of villains and will not attack unless a villain fails to get out by the time that villain’s next combat turn comes up.

The ALLIGATOR MOAT has a food upkeep cost of 500Mx per cycle (BATTLE + FREE TIME) IF the alligators do not consume any HEROES during the cycle. Any alligators killed in battle will cost 1000Mx to replace.


AUTOMATED ANTI-PERSONNEL TURRET — 50,000Mx

HOW IT WORKS:
The AUTOMATED ANTI-PERSONNEL TURRET will be built on the villain-side mezzanine of the FIRST BATTLE FLOOR. After turn order is rolled, the turret’s turn can be placed in the turn order wherever desired. Each turn, the turret will target the closest HERO with a five-burst attack roll, which the hero can roll against using either their SPEED or DEFENSE.

Turrets do not have a warranty and turrets destroyed or damaged in battle will have to be repaired or replaced. Each turret has an ammo upkeep cost of 100Mx per battle.


SURVEILLANCE UPGRADE (FIRST FLOOR) — 15,000Mx

HOW IT WORKS:
The first level surveillance upgrade will allow upstairs villains to see VIDEO FOOTAGE of encroaching heroes before forming a team, rather than just a report of the quantity and level of those heroes.

This level of surveillance upgrade does not have an upkeep cost. Cameras destroyed or damaged will have to be replaced or repaired.
>>
No. 1025922 ID: fcd3dd
File 164701713762.png - (309.86KB , 1200x800 , 35.png )
1025922

BAR LOUNGE — 25,000Mx

The bar lounge offers an area for HANG OUT activities that, depending on which villains are socializing, may be much more conducive to positive/relaxed interactions. It also makes employment at the tower more attractive to some potential RECRUITS.

A bar lounge would have an upkeep cost of 150Mx per free time cycle.



EVIL BROADCAST SYSTEM — 120,000Mx

An EVIL BROADCAST SYSTEM will consist of digital billboards and audio systems set up around the exterior of the TOWER OF EVIL and the surrounding district. Use of the system, especially by PLEASURE-TYPE villains, will draw HEROES to the tower more frequently. Heroes drawn by the broadcast system are more likely to be higher level, and low-level heroes who arrive are more likely to arrive intimidated. It also makes employment at the tower more attractive to some potential recruits.

The broadcast system does not have an upkeep cost.
>>
No. 1025923 ID: 82521f

definitely definitely get the surveillance upgrade. that'll help for throwing teams together on the fly. maybe consider saving towards the broadcast system?
>>
No. 1025924 ID: 0f017e

fio is right we do need alligators
>>
No. 1025925 ID: 519e51

I think we should look at the surveillance and broadcast systems, not necessarily now, but for sure in the future. We want to be able to see our enemies, and also being able to hire a cleanup crew might be helpful. I mean, murder is pretty messy, and nobody likes getting blood on their shoes.
>>
No. 1025926 ID: fcd3dd

my head wants surveillance but my heart wants gators
>>
No. 1025927 ID: 0838d6

Surveilance = yes, get that immediately, think about saving for that broadcast system because that's just more fun.

Look into like some battle maids or something for post-op cleanup. Or some EZ-DEBONING solution, it gets rid of FLESH and BONES and also has a nice citrussy scent. Oh but it gets you high too, so don't huff it for too long!

(am looking forward to evil linkedin)
>>
No. 1025928 ID: 173273

Definitely Surveillance, save the rest for Broadcast
>>
No. 1025930 ID: 021a05

dearly has her own secret stash of money tucked away. i bet if someone pitched that she could personally give the alligators names that would be funny, she could be convinced to fund the moat herself
>>
No. 1025931 ID: 094652

Definitely buy the Surveillance Upgrade. You need all the intel you can harvest from your opponents. Also, the saucy stuff sells well on the black market.
... JK you're going to keep the fanservice for personal fap material.

Buy the turret. You don't have to use it every battle. In fact, you shouldn't; just use these whenever you're losing to turn the tide or make a quick getaway. Binzy can also spend her turns remotely operating this in combat.
>>
No. 1025935 ID: 07995d

the surveillance is the obvious choice, i vote we buy that and then save money until the next round of free time.
also question are these upgrade options the only choices or will it be like a rotating system, or new ones available after each purchase?
>>
No. 1025936 ID: fc4173

well the thing we have to consider is that it would be funny if we didn't get the surveillance system.

moat's too much work and so expensive, we don't want to have to actually bother feeding gators and shit. probably smells bad also. what if we got the turret and as consolation for the boring let kel and a friend go on an adventure where they can go apeshit. as a treat. tio and kel rampage?
>>
No. 1025940 ID: ab66b2

Get the Surveillance System and the Bar Lounge. The former should appease the complainers for the latter. We can’t afford more than that for now.
>>
No. 1025941 ID: bb8ab8

in 100% on surveillance.

Since she thinks it's funny, we can probably cut into Dearly's new prize money with the moat. Chances like that might not come often, and she's determined not to share otherwise.

Also, can't we just huck dead/dying bodies into it for free upkeep, as long as we get heroes? They'd need to be meaty, non-robot heroes, but seems cheaper than you'd think.
>>
No. 1025942 ID: b00429

How much would it cost to buy and/or research exploding chandeliers?
>>
No. 1025943 ID: fcd3dd

>>1025935
New upgrade options will show up to replace the slots of purchased ones. If a particular upgrade idea is shot down multiple times, it might be removed to make room for something different — but if you ever change your mind and want a chance to get it again, you can always request that Binzy ask around, and it might be back by the next free time.
>>
No. 1025944 ID: 3afb77

I think surveillanceisthe obvious first choice but I'm also in favor of the bar lounge. Even if not everyone likes it it's still good to have a chill space for character interactions.
>>
No. 1025945 ID: 9dfa30

Let’s be smart for now and buy surveillance + bar. DEFINITELY getting the alligator moat later tho
>>
No. 1025946 ID: 993203

surveilance upgrade and the alligator moat!! its an ALLIGATOR FILLED MOAT how can we, as a people, pass up the chance to live our ancestors dreams??
>>
No. 1025947 ID: 28e549

Surveillance+bar sounds good! Even if the latter won't be open this free time I'm looking forward to seeing it next time.
>>
No. 1025948 ID: d9d712

Surveillaince system and bar lounge. (Lamb, Cleve and TIOS can suck it up, it'll be good for morale.) Also is it too late to check evil linkedin after this and see our recruit options? Part of me wants to get to know the cast we have first but I'm curious who else is out there.
>>
No. 1025951 ID: a28664

the alligators are ADORABLE but obviously for now just the cameras and nothing else
>>
No. 1025962 ID: a1f5ef

Cameras of course. let's save the rest until next time so we have some spending money just in case.
>>
No. 1025970 ID: 3fa715

well... we obviously need the alligator moat. ask if any of the villains who want it are willing to contribute some of their personal funds towards the purchase
>>
No. 1025980 ID: cdbcf8

>>1025922
ALLIGATOR MOAT, SURVEILLANCE UPGRADE
Hope we can get an alligator supervillain out of it.
>>
No. 1025989 ID: c6eabb

let's get the surveillance system and the bar loung. though fio, kel, and dearly all make EXTREMELY good points for the moat, we want to make sure we have enough extra funds to feed and replace the gators. a moat with no gators would be deeply unfunny, and probably not a good moat at all. also i want the villains to party together, so, bar lounge
>>
No. 1025995 ID: 0c6392

> SURVEILLANCE SYSTEM and save the rest for now.
Others seem amusing, but not worth it, especially considering the annoyance that would come with some of them. I'm sure there's other things we'll want the communal pool for. Save up.

Also the broadcast system sounds like it's just begging for us to break RULE SIX. Be wary of it. Maybe consider it if we keep getting pushover heroes for a while and want to up the ante, but not before then.


Evil Linkedin next? or news and rumors and bulletin board stuff. I'm Curious.
Though honestly I think we should go through all of Binzy's options before we move on (except roster and relationship info, nothing's changed too dramatically so you can just, y'know, scroll up.)
>>
No. 1025997 ID: fcd3dd
File 164709653733.png - (215.16KB , 1200x800 , 36.png )
1025997

Binzy’s hands leap into motion, rattling across the keyboard. “So, just the surveillance system for now, but put a pin in the moat and the lounge? Cool. The upgrade by itself is only fifteen thousand minx — so we’re still good, but man, we’re gonna wanna find a way to bring cash in a little faster if we wanna keep upgrading… did we remember to loot the heroes this time? Level 1’s usually don’t have much, but sometimes they’ve got stuff you can dump with me and I can find places to sell it.”

“Alright, that order is put in. The new cameras are no big deal, those’ll definitely be done before the next fight.”

“Oh, about the moat? Yeah, when we get a chance, we can have a meeting to talk about people putting up personal funds for stuff they want. I bet if that conversation goes well, people will start doing it regularly, and then every time we shop we’ll see what the price would be with everyone’s contributions.”
>>
No. 1025998 ID: fcd3dd
File 164709655109.png - (277.73KB , 1200x800 , 37.png )
1025998

Binzy leans back in her chair, quickly navigating through layers and layers of menus. “And, like I said, we can catch up on everything — but why don’t we check out recruits next?”

“Here we’ll be able to see listings with stats and a description for some folks who might be open to taking up with us. We can’t see an actual breakdown of their ability, or any potential perks or drawbacks, until they actually join up… that’s just how it goes, though, right? You don’t really know somebody til you spend time with ‘em.”
>>
No. 1025999 ID: fcd3dd
File 164709655911.png - (254.00KB , 1200x800 , 38.png )
1025999

>>
No. 1026000 ID: 37e376

Alright who has magical artefacts to spare and does TIOS count as a magical artefact
>>
No. 1026001 ID: ed2bd0

Lotte looks like they might be a good recruit- if not now, then sometime in the future… we saw what necromancy type stuff could do last battle. What if we could do that too?
>>
No. 1026002 ID: 61235c

If I know my necromancy, it's a great way to scale up your power quadratically. And even if it isn't, who doesn't love skeletons? All the fun of a creepy-goofy pastiche with the cold efficiency of an automaton.
>>
No. 1026003 ID: a28664

lotte sounds kick ass but we only have so much money and no way in HELL are we recruiting the free guy, i vote pass
>>
No. 1026004 ID: 37e376

Edit for the magical artefacts post but yes we should loot heroes dyana had a very magical staff and she died like five minutes ago i say we go get that and in case it has been cleaned up already just go look in the trash
>>
No. 1026005 ID: 676f44

Don't think we need to worry about hiring anyone right this second. They're either too expensive or have too many strings attached for right now.
>>
No. 1026007 ID: 094652

>Lysander
Don't. He's clearly a crimpy simp, and his dependency on Fio will lower her overall morale. Ignore him completely, and be ready to kill him if he tries to kidnap Fio the hero way.

>Kuetara
Nah. He doesn't go into deep detail about his power, and his requirements won't be fulfillable for a while. Keep his resume on reference but don't call.

>Lotte
Another high-maintenance high-cost gatcha. Send her an email explaining that she demands much but gives little; if you want to take her seriously, she should send a video showing her powers and a list of her preferred skills.

>Noroi
Good stats and a unique payment style. We don't have the requirements yet but the contract doesn't specify the quality of the artifacts. Adventurers who inherit magical items are easy pickings as long as you throw the right PR spin. Send her an email asking for more information about her abilities and her bodyguard, and then look on the black market for some low-grade magical artifacts for sale. We can hire her later.
>>
No. 1026010 ID: b63001

Necromancy? Now there is a classic evil class with lots of potential. Turn your enemies into you allies! At least for a while. We should keep her in mind.
>>
No. 1026011 ID: c92a02

Oh look, a free recruit!
...Nah, just kidding. The necromancer could be handy to have around since we're basically running a slaughterhouse for vigilantes.
>>
No. 1026012 ID: f581d4

pass for now but let’s start keeping an eye out for magical loot
>>
No. 1026013 ID: 142985

I think we can hold off on recruits until we've gotten a better feel for the characters we already have.
>>
No. 1026015 ID: ce39da

The others are pricey enough that Lysander is the only one we should be immediately considering. And the verdict? Honestly, I say we go for it. One, better to keep him close than leave him desperate and to his own devices. Two, any attempt at rekindling romance with Fio wouldn't inherently violate Rule 5 compared to keeping him on the outside (assuming he stands more than a snowball's chance in hell with them). Three, he's free and intensely loyal to one of our guys. Four, it'd be funny.

Do keep the others pinned for later.
>>
No. 1026016 ID: de275d

Lysander sounds like a desperate loser, best stay far away from them. Especially 'cause it'd probably cause a million problems with and for Fio and I don't think tanking morale before the literal second fight is a good idea.

It didn't sound like we have a cleanup service so I assume those bodies are still around? The mage's staff might be magical on its own, so we might have a free "magical artifact" there. Unless our current roster are hiding magic items in their inventories we can't get Noroi but honestly I think they're someone to look out for recruitment.

I figure exploring the world might reveal some money-making ventures, so it's probably a good idea to use someone's downtime for a night on the town. Kel seemed hungry and Lamb probably is too, so maybe lets have them explore.
>>
No. 1026017 ID: 19774c

I think Lotte and Noroi are ones to keep in mind, but yeah we haven't even explored the full team dynamic yet. Let's do that before we bring in any new recruits.
Kel and Lamb downtime adventure!
>>
No. 1026018 ID: 1061f6

Definitely very interested in Lotte they seem fun but the cost is a bit high. Do the contracts work the same way as upgrades where they stay put until we recruit them or they're passed on too many times?
>>
No. 1026019 ID: fc4173

you know how I mentioned tio and kel rampage adventure? tio, wanna kill your ex? since he's actively trying to get in touch with tio he could be a problem, maybe "recruit" lysander just to kill him. only if tio approves of course.

but yeah for now no recruiting
>>
No. 1026020 ID: b63001

>>1026019
That... is not a bad idea.
>>
No. 1026021 ID: fcd3dd

>>1026018
Recruits will remain available indefinitely. New options may show up to replace recruit options who join, but not always.
>>
No. 1026022 ID: 9dfa30

Let’s hire Noroi!!! They seem fun, a good way to offload our cursed items (+ any curses which dying heroes utter with their final breath), and probably good at killing! Let’s interview Lysander for kicks though, that situation sounds hilarious
>>
No. 1026023 ID: 3c61fa

I wanna say contact Lysander only for the drama, maybe taunt him a bit
>>
No. 1026024 ID: 8e8b64

if noroi can be paid in our next 3 magical objects (because i assume we dont have any) then absolutely hire noroi!
>>
No. 1026025 ID: 3fa715

oh damn, we forgot to loot the heroes. can we send someone downstairs really quick or is it too late?
>>
No. 1026028 ID: 07995d

i wanna hire lysander so badly. hes free and he has 7 in attack and 5 in defense! considering the cost thats really good. i also like lotte but shes too expensive atm, and after we get the bar (maybe next round) we should get kuetera they seem fun.
>>
No. 1026036 ID: 941516

Lysander looks like a good free option with no apparent drawbacks whatsoever! I say take him in.
>>
No. 1026045 ID: 9cc179

On the subject of Lysander (Cutty McCutCut?), what are the consequences of these guys dying? After reading his bio, the 2 health is as good a selling point as the 7 attack.

This guy really would need to die on the next mission we send him on, and should not be in a room alone with Fio under any circumstances.

Shoot the bullet and discard the casing, or don't pick it up at all
>>
No. 1026047 ID: 0c6392

Lysander might be good if we need more raw combat power, but hiring him seems...... fraught. relationship-wise. (no hierarchy no tragic romance) Hold off.

Noroi seems awesome but obviously we can't get her for a while yet. Keep a pin in her
>Does anyone want to go down and see if Dyana's staff counts as a magical artifact, and if Grand had anything interesting?

the other dude might be fun who knows


However: I love Lotte?
their stats are terrible and their powers might or might not be really good
we should probably save the money

But I love them?

>can we hire Lotte? I would like to hire Lotte.
>>
No. 1026049 ID: faff69

Lysander: No. Absolutely not. Yeah, it'll be free but the cost of having a cringe worthy obsessive ex (?) will make that a bad idea. Also, no tragic romance or hierarchy. Also I'm not doing that to FIO.

Kuetara: Seems nice, but meh. I don't know, I'm just not feeling it. Might get along with DEARLY though.

Lotte: I like necromancy. For right now, honestly I would dump the cash for them because necromancy is cool. And then we could have animated hero corpses as intimidation :D!!!

Noroi: I want them so bad, but I don't think we have the magical artifacts. We should get some. Is TIOS a magical artifact?? But also we shouldn't give them TIOS . No hierarchy. WE SHOULD WORK TO GET THE MAGICAL ARTIFACTS TO GET THEM BECAUSE I JUST LOVE THEIR ENERGY.
>>
No. 1026050 ID: faff69

>>1026015

That was my first thought but honestly they seem to be going for a romance with Fio, and they were talking about "we make the rules" and that seems like a slippery slope to breaking the "no leader, no boss, no hierarchy" thing

what im saying is that we should get a restraining order against them for Fios sake, I think hes bad news . he found the phone number they changed??? and got powers to get fio to take them back?? that is a recipe for disaster. too obsessive.
>>
No. 1026051 ID: faff69

>>1026019

omg thats so smart. team bonding, yknow.

set up an interview, kill him, and then theres no loose ends, since he might try more drastic attempts to get fios attention if we just ignore him
>>
No. 1026054 ID: 4f08f3

Can we send a trojan virus to Lysander that at least destroys their computer?

Kuetara is a no for now.

Lotte is a yes, would love to gain a necromancer after just defeating one.

Noroi is of course a yes... Once we get some magical artefacts.
>>
No. 1026056 ID: d9d712

Maybe save up a bit before hiring Lotte, but I love them and want them. Same with Noroi we want to start grabbing magic items right away i want to recruit this treasure-obsessed catperson
>>
No. 1026057 ID: a0127c

yo, if we can get Noroi she sounds cool.
plus technically a 2-for-1 because mysterious bodyguard?
>>
No. 1026058 ID: 12eb7b

I like Noroi but I think we don't have so many magical artifacts. Also I am very curious about Lysander. Do Fio have a past with they? Maybe Fio could tell something about Lysander (or if he want him in the team)
>>
No. 1026065 ID: acfe78

recruit lysander

worst case scenario lamb gets some free food
>>
No. 1026066 ID: 96c896

>>1025999
I like both of those last two. Necomancy pays off more the sooner we get it, so Lotte is a priority imo.

The first two sound like giant pains in the ass, the first one for obvious reasons and the second one probably because he's either got a chemlab or his power causes a huge stink.
>>
No. 1026073 ID: 0c6392

Anyway. Ask Fio what to do about Lysander, see how he wants to deal, hiring Lys and then feeding to the vampires or assassinating or getting a restraining order.

I wonder if that mess has anything to do with Fio's powers.
>>
No. 1026075 ID: 15a025

Lotte sounds like an interesting addition, they could possibly help grow our numbers quickly with the numbers of heroes we kill. Details are very vague though, perhaps an interview is possible?
>>
No. 1026105 ID: a70a13

LISTEN. Lysander is an absolute fucking whiny loser but also they have some kick ass attack power, great defense, and we don't need to pay them.

I'm sure we can let Dearly just make fun of their desperation here and there and they can just be the house butt monkey until they get a new goyfriend.

But also Kuetara kinda thick, so either of those would be CHOICE.
>>
No. 1026106 ID: fcd3dd
File 164720514616.png - (677.43KB , 1200x800 , 39.png )
1026106

“Listen,” says Binzy, “whatever the situation is, I’m not touching this guy without asking Fio first.” She leans back in her chair again, craning her neck to shout out into the main room. “Hey, Fio? Fio! Get in here for a second!”

Fio strolls in a moment later, pizza in hand. “Yeah, what’s up? Need me for somethin’?”

“We’re looking at recruits, and somebody popped up talking about you.” Binzy double-clicks the listing, rolling her chair to the side a bit to let Fio look. “You know this creep?”

“Wait, lemme see. Can you zoom in on the pic a little?” Fio crams the rest of the slice into his mouth and leans in, one hand braced against Binzy’s desk. “Oh, holy shit. Ahahaha! Yeah, that’s Lysander alright. Jesus Christ, I can’t tell you if he looks better or worse than last time I saw him. Could go either way!”
>>
No. 1026107 ID: fcd3dd
File 164720515924.png - (387.64KB , 1200x800 , 40.png )
1026107

“Okay, so, what do you wanna do? Want me to track him and torch his computer or something?” Binzy offers. “Or, we’ve got time — I could set up a meeting and then you could grab somebody, one of the vamps or something, and go take care of him yourself.”

“Oh, no, no, it’s nothing like that.” Fio waves a hand breezily, snorting out a laugh. “He’s not, like, a threat or whatever. Well, maybe, if he’s telling the truth about having powers now, but — even if he does.” They shrug. Binzy zooms out again, so they can reread the listing’s text, and that gets them laughing again. “He’s from the same shithole town as me. We grew up together. He was fine to have around, good at following directions. But he couldn’t keep up with me, so I left him behind.”

That gets an incredulous look from Binzy, eyebrows raising invisibly behind her bangs, because she can count on one hand the number of times Fio’s talked about his past. It’s over as soon as it began, though, with Fio repeating the loose, careless gesture of his hand. “Do whatever. I mean, I’m certainly not gonna issue a mandate. No leader, no boss, no hierarchy, right?”
>>
No. 1026108 ID: fcd3dd
File 164720517361.png - (240.49KB , 1200x800 , 41.png )
1026108

Binzy swivels in the chair a bit, resting her cheek on her fist. “It’s not about, like, you telling us what to do. I’m just saying as the one who organizes this stuff, I wouldn’t want us to go forward on this guy if it’s gonna be a problem for you.”

“Well, that’s sweet, Binzy-Bee, but I can take care of myself.” Fio reaches out, as if to pinch Binzy’s cheek, but Binzy flinches away immediately.

“Hey! Whoa! No touching!”

“Oops!” Fio pulls back, splaying his fingers in a “hands-off” gesture. “Sorry. Forgot for a second.”

Binzy is rolling her chair a little further away, grimacing. “No, you didn’t.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Fio laughs, giving it up with no resistance. “I was trying to see if I could figure out what you feel like doing about him.”

“Fucking hell. Don’t do that shit, Fio.” Binzy turns back to the computer, exiting out of Lysander’s listing entirely. “Listen, when I have a feel for what the group wants to do, I’ll run it by you one more time to make sure. Til then, I think we’re holding off — we like the look of these two, Noroi and Lotte, but we don’t have the resources right now.”

“Mmkay. Suit yourself.” Fio tilts their head, considering the screen a moment longer before turning on their heel to exit. “Good thing Lysander’s not even asking for any money, though. Fair warning, if we do take him onboard, and if Dog With A Gun’s in one of his moods when he gets here, he might just execute him on sight, and that would be such a waste of good funds.” They raise one hand in a wave as they slip out the doorway. “Oh well!”

RELATIONSHIP AFFECTED: [Fio’s PERSONAL OPINION of Binzy has improved from NEUTRAL to NEUTRAL+.]
>>
No. 1026109 ID: fcd3dd
File 164720518507.png - (97.82KB , 1200x800 , 42.png )
1026109

Binzy waits til Fio’s gone, then she allows herself a little shudder. “Ugh. I fucking hate her power, man,” she mutters under her breath. “Worst shit on earth. I’d take ten necromancers over half a Fio.”

She seems to shake it off, then she continues flipping through screens. “Alright, let’s catch up on some news. After that it’s up to you. There’s some personal shopping and all, but I don’t know if anybody needs new weapons or anything right now. Oh, and since the heroes down there are dead, TIOS could probably loot them really easy, but uh — you might wanna get somebody else to ask it, since TIOS and I aren’t exactly best buddies.”

”Anyway, let’s see… here we go. You can ask me about whatever you want, you know how I just get these all down in whatever way makes sense to me. Also, uh… some of these are just notes for myself, sorry.”
>>
No. 1026110 ID: 519e51

Fuck yes looting bodies!!!!!

Anyway yeah we should check and see if anyone needs anything.
>>
No. 1026111 ID: d7f5f1

so what im hearing is go for lysander!! fio doesnt mind, shes a tough gal and he doesnt seem like a threat just a bit of a simp. but thats fine, we can encourage him to be a supervillain in his own right so theres no heirarchy. hes free ! come on
>>
No. 1026112 ID: f5b5a5

Cleveland is probably the best pick to ask TIOS about looting, since it has to listen to them? Provided that Cleveland can be convinced to ask it
>>
No. 1026122 ID: 676f44

>>1026109
Whoa whoa. What's this about zero-leveling bots? Gonna need details on that.
>>
No. 1026123 ID: 12eb7b

How easy would be to subtely hack the townhall servers to make the web anouncements apear in the townhall but not out? That way there would be more heroes who don't learn about the iniciative.

Also, the "no hierarchy" also apply for minions? Can't have some minions for chores like buying an amazing deluxe edition album?
>>
No. 1026125 ID: 993203

loot the heroes (ask cleveland to ask tios) and then dog with a gun cooking time?
>>
No. 1026136 ID: 4f08f3

>>1026123
Minions are 1. A weakness and 2. Yes that's a hierarchy.

Anyway still not big on Lysander and still big on Lotte.

Agreed on asking Cleveland to ask TIOS and looking into the robot thing
>>
No. 1026147 ID: ce39da

>>1026112
Shouldn't be a hard sell... as long as they get a cut of the profits. But it's better than not at all, obviously.

>>1026111
I agree, but we should definitely clear it with Dog, make sure we're all on the same page when the guy first shows up. And if he doesn't like it, point out that executing new recruits as soon as they show up is horrible for our rep, even by villain standards, and is pretty unprofessional besides. If he seems to really not want him on the team, hold off for now. Does he have something personally against this guy (whether it's shared history or simply because he wants to be close to Fio) or do we have to worry about this whenever we recruit someone, period?

> THE RUMOR COME OUT
Does "zero-leveling" mean taking your drones on without a power? Sounds intense.

> NEWS
Hero-tourism season's upon us, huh? Looks like we should prioritize business over pleasure where we can.

> NEXT TP
Let's see Dog and Lamb hang out, now. They'll be an interesting pair to see together, that's for sure. They could bond over shared allergies in the kitchen, and also debate the nature of good and evil. They both have experience with struggling to be "good" (one with shitty circumstances, the other being fed up with arbitrary goal posts), and I'm curious to know what Dog thinks of Lamb's stance. Would Dog find respect for the Lamb who knowingly chose a single "selfish(?) arbiter" and stuck to it? One can suppose capital-G God ought to be less fickle than a mortal master in theory, at least.
>>
No. 1026151 ID: 96c896

Well if Fio says it's ok, might as well take the free hire.
Still want the necromancer, as an investment.
>>
No. 1026153 ID: 19774c

yeah i think if Fio is fine with lysander joining, why not take a free hire? that still leaves us funds to save up for lotte and/or noroi, especially if we loot some choice items from the two heroes downstairs

dwag and lamb cooking conversation!!
>>
No. 1026190 ID: acfe78

Think we need more information on what "zero-leveling" means, could be important. In the meantime, get Cleveland to ask TIOS to loot the bodies since it's probably the most straightforward way to convince him.

Defo think we should grab Lysander still, worst case he helps fulfill Lamb and Kel's prime directives and best case he dies heroi- er, villainously in combat and we get to keep his share of the profits which we can then use to recruit Lotte.

Kinda agree on Lamb/Dog since Lamb hates, and I quote "Everyone but Kel" but Dog is friendly with her and is probably tactful enough to not immediately bomb their relationship from the word go. Could be a decent in for her relationship with the group as a whole.
>>
No. 1026204 ID: b63001

Is there a way keep the bodies? Maybe they will be useful later, especially if we get the necromancer.
>>
No. 1026328 ID: fcd3dd
File 164737015610.png - (683.84KB , 1200x800 , 43.png )
1026328

“Hiring henchmen or minions or whatever? Man, I don’t want to get back into that right now. That’s been the cause of so many fucking all-night fights at the meeting table.”

“Back when Fio was working independently, she didn’t have henchmen or anything, she did everything with contractors, and it was working fine for her. So she’s all gung-ho on that front, and then as long as there’s a way to make sure they’re loyal, she’s always kind of wanted proper henchmen, too. Dog With A Gun went apeshit about the whole thing, said it was an insane liability, that people get brought down by incompetent henchmen all the time, that it’s just asking for trouble, and everyone on the team should be a serious, top-tier villain here on their own merits. But then Cleveland says hiring assistance is just like any other tool, the same as weapons or equipment or whatever — she’s still against it, since having full-time grunts is expensive, but she doesn’t get why it has to be a philosophical debate. Hours and hours of this shit, just screaming at each other, and you know how those three get when they really get into it with each other. Fio gets Dog With A Gun all riled up, and then he can piss Fio off like nobody else can, and then Cleveland just sitting there throwing gasoline on all of it — god! Whenever a meeting goes to shit it’s always them, I’m telling you.”

“Obviously we’re not getting anything out of Dearly, TIOS, or Lamb on it. None of them give a shit. Kel doesn’t get it, since she’s been a fucking — whatever she was. Medieval viking warlord or whatever. Having minions is second nature to her, and she does have them, she just hasn’t brought any onboard for this project. Me, I don’t see what the issue would be, especially if we stick with contractors. But I would say the jury is still firmly out on this one.”
>>
No. 1026329 ID: fcd3dd
File 164737017485.png - (364.51KB , 1200x800 , 44.png )
1026329

“Oh, and zero-leveling — I guess you’d only know it by that term if you were like, a hobbyist. Into droids, you know. But basically it’s talking about security levels,” Binzy explains. “Aside from the industry-typical ‘three laws’ styled safety stuff, there’s also the levels on, like — how much a droid can do on its own, basically. The standards are levels one through five. Level Five, a robot can’t take any action without a direct command — that’s, y’know, washing machines and other domestic bots, they don’t really count as droids. Level Fours can choose their actions, but only from a pre-approved list already in their code; a lot of labor bots and retail droids are on this level. If you ever stayed in a store for a while and started noticing a clerk bot repeating itself or running out of things to say, that’s why.”

She starts playing with a post-it note snatched off her desk as she continues, folding and unfolding it aimlessly. “Level Three is where there are baselines for behavioral expectations, and the bot will extrapolate from that information and can make any actions it likes within that framework, but it can’t truly improvise or make choices outside of its understanding of the world based on its existing code. And, of course, any action can be halted by any human, even a non-user and even if it’s within the coded parameters. That’s where most SBCs fall — that’s, uh, Soft-Body Companions. Like, the really popular commercial stuff, personal assistants and triple-X models and stuff like that. Then you’ve got Level Twos, who can act freely and are only hemmed in by the inability to harm or directly disobey a human — Claret Cybernetics’ whole gimmick is that their SBCs are Twos instead of Threes, so they’re more lifelike, but some people don’t like ‘em because they end up developing shitty personalities and stuff. And then Level Ones are the same, except the harm and defiance limitations are reduced to only apply to the registered user or whatever other authority is coded in — those ones get used as cops or military or personal security, that kind of shit, since humans can set them on each other. TIOS’ security is Level One, obviously.”

Binzy finally puts the paper down. “So zero-leveling — well, okay, there’s kind of a ‘how do you pronounce gif’ thing going on here, because it started online, and it was just written as like, the number 0, then capital L, ‘0L-ing’ — and nobody can agree if it was supposed to mean “zero laws,” instead of three laws, or “zero levels,” as in dropping a bot to a security level below Level One. But ‘zero-law-ing’ sounds fucking stupid, so… uh. Wait. What was I saying?” A beat, and then she snaps her fingers, recapturing her line of thought. “Right. Zero-leveling is when you get into a droid’s code and you take out all those security measures. You basically remove all the protocols that let users interfacing with the bot command or disable them. Uh, informally there’s an implication that you’re taking off all the aesthetic limiters, too — like, you know how triple-X bots have limits coded into the facial muscles so they can’t make ‘ugly’ faces or whatever, and a lot of retail droids can’t swear, shit like that. Super mega illegal, obviously, and also really difficult to do properly. A lot of this stuff is really enmeshed in the code, depending on the developer, so it can be hard to excise it without accidentally lobotomizing the thing. Plus, a lot of times a bot doesn’t have any code on what it would even do with all that free space once you take the limiters off, so a bot might not even act differently at all once it’s zero-leveled, because it doesn’t even have any behaviors ‘over the fence’ that it can think of.”

Binzy finally trails off, then laughs a little. “Oh, fuck, I was totally rambling. I’m just into stuff like this. Sorry for chewing your ear off — anyway, the point is it’s just a rumor, okay? And the kind that people like to spread, because you can make it all scary or whatever — Ooooh, all the sexbots and cashiers you’ve been mean to are gonna have their revenge!” A wave of her hand. “I thought it was worth noting, but it doesn’t necessarily mean there’s dozens of jailbroken bots crawling the streets or something. I’m just hearing whispers right now.”
>>
No. 1026330 ID: fcd3dd
File 164737019104.png - (406.40KB , 1200x800 , 45.png )
1026330

Speaking of robots.

Back in the main room, Cleveland is sitting on the floor by TIOS’ housing, reviewing the armory inventory she keeps synced to her phone. “Not like you,” she says, suddenly. “Putting a big lump of cash in the communal pool.”

[LAUGHTER. ARE YOU MAD I DIDN’T GIVE IT TO YOU.]

“Not mad.” She puts her phone away, bracing her weight on her arms as she leans back to look up at TIOS’ tall, glassy surface. “But we have to be responsible about shit like that. Once stuff is in the pool, it’s a fucking free for all. Before you know it, Fio and the clown are gonna spend it all on garbage like alligator moats and lava pits.” She scoffs, and when she finishes the cigarette that was in her mouth she stubs it out in a nearby plant and immediately begins rummaging for a fresh one. “Doesn’t hurt to just keep it, and dole it out to the group if we really need to.”

[IT’S ALL FAKE ANYWAY. IT’S ELECTRICITY. IT’S INFORMATION GETTING PING-PONGED AROUND BETWEEN PEOPLE’S PHONES,] TIOS points out.

“Yeah, and when it ping-pongs from mine to our dealers’ they send us boxes of ammo,” Cleveland fires back. She exhales, watching the smoke hang in the air for a moment before getting caught in the faint pull of TIOS’ intake vents, then flicks her gaze back up to it. “Loot?”

[CLARIFY.]

“Was there good loot?”

[DIDN’T CHECK. DOG WITH A GUN STORMED OFF AS SOON AS THE OBJECTIVES WERE COMPLETE, AND DEARLY WAS BUSY WITH THE PIZZA GUY.] TIOS does not mention that it was also busy with the pizza guy.

Cleveland lowers her voice a little. “Go get it.”
>>
No. 1026331 ID: fcd3dd
File 164737024640.png - (228.89KB , 1200x800 , 46.png )
1026331

Cleveland quietly considers the list TIOS has beamed over to their phone screen, rubbing at their mouth before speaking again. “Think we can sell the staff without anybody noticing?”

[NEGATIVE. BREAKS IS LOOKING AT RECRUITING AND WE NEED TO SAVE ARTIFACTS. THEY’LL NOTICE IF IT’S GONE.]

“Sucks. Alright, put the staff in the general inventory. Drop the clothes and phones in my room, I’ll sell them when I get a chance, and give me the cash.” It all happens, near instantaneously, as soon as they’ve spoken the commands. “Thanks, TIOS.”
>>
No. 1026332 ID: fcd3dd
File 164737026728.png - (489.99KB , 1200x800 , 47.png )
1026332

In the kitchen, Dog With A Gun is quietly making up for a deficit of dog-safe pizza.

He pauses, though, in the middle of rinsing a sieve full of rice. “Lamb,” he says. “I apologize for disturbing your time alone in here.”
>>
No. 1026333 ID: fcd3dd
File 164737028238.png - (525.28KB , 1200x800 , 48.png )
1026333

“But if you’re going to stay in here either way, you could… do something. Anything. Anything that’s not perching on the counter and glaring at me, at least.”
>>
No. 1026334 ID: fcd3dd
File 164737030021.png - (397.32KB , 1200x800 , 49.png )
1026334

She doesn’t respond, at first, and he sighs and reaches to shut the water off, flicking droplets off his fingers. “You could help,” he suggests. “Do you know how to peel vegetables?”

This time the response is immediate. “Of course I know how to peel vegetables.”

“Well, alright.” He turns, depositing a few sweet potatoes directly into her hands. “I didn’t know. Sometimes vampires have different ideas of what constitute day-to-day skills.” Dog With A Gun’s mouth doesn’t move when he speaks, but now his lips part a bit, tongue dangling between the teeth, in what could possibly be a faint smile. “I would be surprised if Kel knows how to do it.”

Lamb finally slips off the counter, coming over to a cutting board that Dog With A Gun sets out for her. “She doesn’t need to know.”

“Well, neither do you.” Lamb lapses into silence after that, and Dog With A Gun lets her. For a few moments there’s only the rasp of the peeler, and some faint beeps as he sets up the rice cooker. He does speak up again, though, once he’s thought of something to ask. “Do you miss food?”

“No. It was always a hassle.” Lamb’s voice is hoarse and accented. Sometimes when she pauses she presses her lips together, like she’s thinking intently about what she should say next; then it comes out in a hissing burst, as if to make up for the delay. “I don’t prefer blood.”
>>
No. 1026335 ID: fcd3dd
File 164737031570.png - (439.16KB , 1200x800 , 50.png )
1026335

“It’s not my intention to comment on blood,” Dog With A Gun replies evenly. He collects up the cubed sweet potato in a bowl and dresses it with olive oil, salt, pepper, measuring none of it, and begins briskly tossing it with confident movements of his arm. “You’re difficult to talk to. It’s hard not to default to seeking what we may have had in common when you were alive.”

“So don’t talk to me,” Lamb fires back. She’s still holding the chef’s knife and doesn’t seem to know what to do with it.

“Well, I don’t think that would be sustainable. Could you get a pan out from the thin compartment beneath the oven, please.” Dog With A Gun goes fishing in a drawer for aluminum foil, his tone unchanging. The request has jolted Lamb out of her paralysis with the knife, and now neither of them have to look at each other as the conversation continues. “It’s been a few months now. For better or worse, you seem to be an enduring member of the team. I don’t think there’s any harm in civility. Oven to two-twenty, please.”

The pan is lined with foil and then scattered with the potatoes, glistening with oil, and Dog With A Gun rinses his hands again before leaning back against the counter. His mouth falls open into a steady pant, tongue lolling out as he relaxes. “If you don’t like answering questions, you’re free to ask them of me instead. Or there don’t need to be any questions at all. You can tell me something you want to talk about, or you can listen to me talk. This doesn’t have to be torture.”
>>
No. 1026342 ID: 094652

Lamb: Talk about your current hurdle in training. Then experiment on the food.
Dog: Make sure Lamb doesn't add or synthesize dog poison. Groan expectedly.

You made: Pineapple Pie! With mushrooms.
Actually it's more like a hearty bowl of clam chowder had their way with a slice of cherry-jelly transitioning to pineapples with some pine nuts out of confusion.

Surprisingly good chowder pie, but the aftertaste is similar to the experience of a failed suicide.
>>
No. 1026348 ID: a70a13

Lamb: Admit you'd prefer if Dog didn't talk but also just begin talking about the type of foods you did enjoy when you were alive. You don't have to be super nicey goody-two shoes but it might be good for you to just...stream of conscience on something or someone once in awhile, and Dog seems to be willing.
>>
No. 1026349 ID: 59bc29

Potential team name unlocked: Team Bloodhound. Alternatively: Team Chalk Eater (for those who enjoy Grimm's fairy tales)

Lamb: Ask him if he's half werewolf or something.
>>
No. 1026350 ID: 875598

Don't be too hard on Dog-With-A-Gun, Lamb. He is just trying to make it a little bit comfortable for both of you.

What are we making, anyway?
>>
No. 1026354 ID: a13621

Wait, how does dog talk without moving his mouth?

Anyway, we can talk about life (and unlife) goals!
>>
No. 1026355 ID: 3fa715

does dog try to get along with everyone in the team? isn't it hard?
>>
No. 1026361 ID: d9d712

Hell yes free the robots im so excited about this plot development

What *does* Lamb want to talk about? Alternatively, if the answer is "nothing," perhaps they could come to an agreement to hang out together in companionable silence. That can be nice too! Not everyone needs to talk all the time.
>>
No. 1026374 ID: b064c1

Dog, Lamb doesn't want to talk about human stuff, at least not now. Pivot to stuff she's doing now. Things she's doing in her free time or what she was doing before you got there. No need to "not so different you and I" this.
>>
No. 1026376 ID: fc4173

well, you don't need to necessarily want to talk, but hey, dog is significantly less annoying than several of these other companions. tell him if he wants to talk despite you not answering much, let him talk at you. if nothing else think of being civil to your teammates as another test of your willpower. perhaps, in the long term, if one is going to be part of a group one must suffer small talk for the sake of smooth operations

also side note, i absolutely want the cashiers and the sex bots to have an uprising. totally unrelated question, how good is binzy at zero leveling?
>>
No. 1026387 ID: 4c97fd

Dog-With-a-Gun: keep in mind that Lamb is probably the person on this team who is still the most entangled with the broken "good girl/bad dog" paradigm (or the human equivalent of it). think back to the stupid shit your peers were driven to do in the name of that and you might have better luck at navigating its prickly exterior.

I have no specific suggestions on what you should specifically do tho. Good luck!
>>
No. 1026394 ID: 0c6392

ooo bots without limiters.
squishy robot villain in future, calling it now. Maybe even one of the lauded Catboys. that would be funny.


Anyway.
Lamb: why isn't Dog having pizza with the others, anyway.
have a sad laugh about garlic.

or, Lamb: just stream of consciousness a bit, who knows.
>>
No. 1026398 ID: 61235c

Maybe this is a dumb question, but who are we? We had a conversation with Binzy but also make decisions as characters and I'm trying to figure out how diagetic we are.
>>
No. 1026399 ID: fcd3dd

>>1026398
not dumb! it’s intentionally a bit wishy-washy. when you aren’t directly controlling characters, such as when reviewing info with binzy or making decisions about upgrades to buy, you’re... nobody and everybody. The Spirit Of The Group, or schrodinger’s player character, basically. the dialogue is naturalistic with binzy for the sake of flow but the intent is that these convos could be happening with anyone in the collective — this allows for commentary on everyone without directly breaking the fourth wall or causing conflicts with a “player character” who hasn’t actually been chosen.

when you’re engaged in an event with specific characters involved — like the dog and lamb hangout happening now — you can provide suggestions to any of the characters involved. in all cases outside of combat though, reader suggestions are something that affect the characters in a meta sense, not information that’s being directly communicated to them.

>>
No. 1026400 ID: 1061f6

Lamb: Maybe ask dog what he's making? Not a bad conversation starter and he's right about it being a good idea to be at least not hostile with your teammates

Dog: I think being okay with the possibility of a tense silence and letting Lamb engage in whatever way's comfortable for it would probably be the best way to go. Don't want to push too hard and accidentally start a fight
>>
No. 1026470 ID: 0a140a

Lamb: Maybe test the waters here to see if Dog With A Gun is being honest about his motives. Something innocuous but could get a good read on him character-wise, like what he thought about those level 1 heroes?
>>
No. 1026586 ID: 95e835

Im just here to say I love Dio and Dog with a gun, and I would love to hear whatever conver with Lamb and Dog, I just have no idea what
>>
No. 1026636 ID: fe8b5e

dog with a gun, i love you so much
>>
No. 1026643 ID: 798908

pale woman: fall madly in love with the dog, fulfilling the projections of the prophet Rusty Cage
>>
No. 1026699 ID: 32e698

lamb: ask what the fuq a sweet potatoe is. have you ever even seen one before? why is it orange,
>>
No. 1026708 ID: 15a025

Lamb: Ask what DWAG is even cooking. Comment he seems more calm preparing food. Is the cooking process relaxing for you?
>>
No. 1027006 ID: 1c4c84

they share one thing in common: can't have garlic

though it'd be funny to sneak some in to give DWAG the toots
>>
No. 1027029 ID: 61235c

I've never read a quest with that perspective type, but it makes sense. Thanks for clearing it up for me!

Let's see, these two are like, the most philosophical of the bunch, right? Personally I don't get how someone can live a truly examined life and *choose* evil, but I bet these two would have some interest comparing how they think they'll know when they've gotten what they need out of villainy.
>>
No. 1027730 ID: 86f04a
File 164874746213.png - (339.95KB , 1200x800 , 51.png )
1027730

Lamb peers at Dog With A Gun, her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Do you always try to get along with everyone like this?”

Dog With A Gun hums thoughtfully as he rummages through the fridge. When he emerges he’s holding a wrapped styrofoam tray of chicken thighs, labeled with a neatly centered sticky note: DOG WITH A GUN’S. DO NOT EAT. “Almost always,” he decides, “and almost everyone.”

Lamb considers that. Her tone remains skeptical. “Isn’t it hard?”

That makes Dog With A Gun burst into laughter — actual, robust laughter, not a dry chuckle — a phenomenon that is relatively unsettling given the noise comes from between barely moving jaws. Or it would be unsettling, were Lamb not already a member of the ravenous undead, and therefore about as accustomed to unsettling phenomenon as one can be. “It is,” he admits, as he peels away the plastic wrap. “But I believe it’s worth it. Or rather, I only make the attempt when I think it will be worth it.”

He’s digging out another pan and Lamb finds herself wondering if anyone else ever even touches the collection of cooking supplies in the drawers and cabinets. The reason she usually likes lurking in here is because she’s rarely interrupted. “I try to get along when I think it will benefit me, or benefit the team as a whole,” Dog With A Gun continues. Shimmering oil, the rasp of a pepper grinder. Sounds and smells Lamb hasn’t experienced since childhood. “And when I think there’s a reasonable chance of success. Otherwise, no, I do decide it would be too difficult.” The chicken is laid in the pan, and Lamb almost flinches at the sudden rush of noise as the flesh sizzles, but she catches herself. Dog With A Gun gestures vaguely over his shoulder with a set of metal tongs. “Take Fio, for example. There’s no point at all in trying to get along with Fio.”
>>
No. 1027731 ID: 86f04a
File 164874748122.png - (416.31KB , 1200x800 , 52.png )
1027731

Lamb leans forward a bit, brow furrowed. “I thought you do get along with Fio.”

“Sure. But I don’t try.” He turns away from the stove, finally, setting the tongs aside as he lets the meat cook. “Trying enrages him. If he can tell you’re just changing your behavior to make a compromise or to appease him, he’ll immediately become more antagonistic. The only thing to do is to speak your mind and stick to your opinions, and if that means a fight, then it means a fight. He’ll respect you more for it after the dust settles, anyway. Some people are like that.” He nods lightly in Lamb’s direction. “Kel is like that.”

Lamb hadn’t ever really thought of Kel that way. The concept that Dog With A Gun knows things about her that she herself doesn’t sets her teeth on edge, and yet she can’t think of anything to say about it. She spits out what she knows. “But you don’t get along with Kel.”

Dog With A Gun closes his eyes in quiet acknowledgement. “She frustrates me, yes.”

“I don’t get along with Fio.”

“Sure.”

“None of us get along with anyone,” Lamb presses, insistent now in ways that she doesn’t particularly understand, “or we wouldn’t be locked in a fucking tower killing everyone who gets near us.”

Dog With A Gun raises his eyebrows, briefly, before turning around to flip the chicken. “We aren’t locked in the tower.”

“That isn’t the point.” Lamb leans back harder against the counter, wrapping her fingers tightly around the edge. “Why try to act like everyone can be normal friends? Like we have an everyday life? None of us are friendly, normal people.”

“Because it is very annoying if we don’t,” Dog With A Gun says, crisply. “Because even if you live in absolute hostility towards the world, you still need to pass your time in it every day while it exists. Because no matter how atypical your work or lifestyle may be, you still need to face other people every morning. Because there’s no award for being intentionally difficult or for sacrificing practicality to commit to the purity of an aesthetic.”

Lamb blinks, digesting this as he wrenches open the oven and shoves the pan of chicken inside along with the potatoes. For the first time, the art of conversation seems to align with what she knows about killing people — in that she sees an opening for a blade, and goes for it. “Are you still talking to me, now? Or to Fio?”

Dog With A Gun slams the oven door and dusts his hands off. “I’d like to talk about something else.”
>>
No. 1027732 ID: 86f04a
File 164874749710.png - (438.17KB , 1200x800 , 53.png )
1027732

That felt a little less satisfying than knifing someone, but at least Lamb now feels like she understands something about conversing with people that she didn’t before. She searches her idle thoughts for the next closest topic on her mind, and when she finds it, she throws it on the floor between them. “Are you some kind of werewolf?”

“That’s an unbelievably rude question,” Dog With A Gun replies evenly.

Lamb doesn’t let up. “Something else, then? Were you experimented on? Are you cursed?”

“I am a man with the head of a German Shepherd. I was once a boy with the head of a German Shepherd puppy. I find talking about it extremely boring. New topic, please.”

Lamb hisses at him. He allows that, patiently, but remains silent as he waits for her to think of something else. She sighs, rolls her eyes, and asks the only other thing she can think of. “What are you making?”

“Potatoes, chicken, and rice.”

Lamb stares at him. “I hate talking,” she says, finally.

“And that’s fine.” Dog With A Gun shrugs, leaning back against his side of the counter again. “Perhaps the way we can get along is for me to simply leave you alone. I’m capable of that.”

Lamb tilts her head, looking at him again the same way she did at the beginning of the conversation — suspicious, appraising, but not immediately wanting to bolt. “Okay. Fine. Let’s do that.”

Dog With A Gun extends his hand for a handshake, and Lamb scoffs and swats it away, climbing back up onto the counter. As far as daily interactions go in the Tower of Evil, this was almost wholesome.

RELATIONSHIP AFFECTED: [Lamb of God’s PERSONAL OPINION of Dog With A Gun has improved from NEUTRAL to NEUTRAL++.]
>>
No. 1027734 ID: 86f04a
File 164874753266.png - (161.46KB , 1200x800 , 54.png )
1027734

You likely have time for one more free time activity before the next heroes arrive.

Notes:
+ Not enough time has passed for there to be new INFO, UPGRADES, or RECRUITS at Binzy’s command + center.
+ Checking the BULLETIN BOARD is a free action, and only selecting a task to complete will count as using a free time slot.
+ You can repeat activities, such as hanging out or training more than once with different villains.
+ If choosing to send one or more villains on a DAY TRIP, remember that team members who do not arrive back to the tower before the next hero attack cannot participate in combat.
>>
No. 1027736 ID: f581d4

let's check the bulletin board!
>>
No. 1027738 ID: bacfe5

bulletin board and then possibly another hangout? dearly and kel could be fun, or cleveland and tios!
>>
No. 1027740 ID: 55d837

if it's a free action, there's no reason not to, right? but i think our final action should be spent training once the chips are down
>>
No. 1027741 ID: a66a93

Does Binzy and Kel training together sound like a bad idea? Because that's what I want to see.
>>
No. 1027745 ID: 9bd932

We should definitely check the bulletin board and either do some training or another hangout. Not sure who wiyh though, maybe Dearly and someone else? I would also love to see Kel, maybe both of them together would be interesting.
>>
No. 1027754 ID: e5709d

>Because there’s no award for being intentionally difficult or for sacrificing practicality to commit to the purity of an aesthetic.
I can prove Dog-With-A-Gun wrong with multiple references and witness testimony. Of course, the award is typically the kind that tries to exsanguinate you with its own weight...

>What Do
Training, pick 2 random villains.
>>
No. 1027756 ID: c92a02

Training: Kel and Cleveland. Lock a sniper and a berserker in a room and see if they can cover each other's weak ranges or if Kel just ends up throwing her around like a chew toy. Hm, that's a neat idea for a tactic actually, tossing her up to ledges and stuff.
>>
No. 1027764 ID: ce39da

Let's check the bulletin board before we commit to anything. As checking it is a free action, bulletin updates could be done as automatic notifications rolled into future posts.
>>
No. 1027785 ID: ddd190

check bulletin board! im always a [redacted] for a free action!

maybe some training with Kel and Fio? they must be bored, they didn't get to kill anything other then pizza!
>>
No. 1027803 ID: d9d712

Bulletin board before we commit to anything else, i think!
>>
No. 1027843 ID: 0840c2

>>1027734
Bulletin board
>>
No. 1027882 ID: bef3f3

I want the bullets in
>>
No. 1028019 ID: 5568d6

Fio and Kell hanging out souns cool !
>>
No. 1028858 ID: 6be390
File 164968909342.png - (949.35KB , 1200x800 , 55.png )
1028858

Here you can view the current bulletin board requests. Not all team members will have a request up at all times, and requests may change frequently, so if you like you can default to automatically re-checking the board every time you return to headquarters.

You can choose a specific team member (or members) to fulfill a request, and successfully doing so guarantees at least two points (++) of relationship improvement with the villain who posted the task, either personal or professional depending on the nature of the errand. Some requests may take more than one unit of free time to complete, so you can pick away at them on and off whenever free time is available (though the potential time limitations/consequences of villains travelling outside the tower still applies).

Would you like to work on one of the bulletin board requests, or would you like to choose another free time activity?
>>
No. 1028859 ID: 52f66d

im bringing cleveland driving and dwag with his head out the window tongue a-flappin to the table. however we just had a dwag scene so that one goes in the ass pocket for later
>>
No. 1028861 ID: e5709d

This was a mistake.

To the training center!
>>
No. 1028862 ID: b3ced5

we can get dwag to go on a car ride to get dry cleaning and cb's snacks! but i guess we don't have to right now, i'm kinda curious what training looks like

I wanna spend some time with Kel
>>
No. 1028867 ID: cc218f

I want to see Kel training with Cleveland! Lamb and TIOS watching
>>
No. 1028870 ID: 21b881

much as I wanna se DWAG hanging his head out the window of a car training is probably a better use of our time
>>
No. 1028970 ID: cf65cd

Get Fio a catboy, this is top priority
>>
No. 1028991 ID: d9d712

Defaulting to check the board sounds like a good idea. Also yeah, sad as i am to miss out on a car ride for dwag lets get some Kel training time in
>>
No. 1028993 ID: 0840c2

>>1028858
Yeah defaulting on Bulletinboard when returning to HQ and agreeing with >>1028859
>>
No. 1029141 ID: a70a13

I think training with Kel is a solid use of our time, thicken up that absolute murder chonk.
>>
No. 1029532 ID: c26e98

can we go back to info and check everyones stats? itd be good to see who needs training the most. otherwise, id suggest a pair that has a bad relationship- maybe fio and lamb, maybe with lamb taking dawgs advice into consideration to try to get along better?
>>
No. 1029617 ID: a98e84

please god let us get a catboy. consider the possibilities for even just 5 seconds. it would be so fun
>>
No. 1029636 ID: 15d5de

Man, I just realized Dog With A Gun shortens to DWAG. That's witty.

Um, what if we let Binzy take DWAG and Cleveland on a car ride to buy grosseries and dry clean and then spend the rest of the day hanging out?
>>
No. 1030698 ID: efd183

CLEVRLAND AND DWAG CARRIDE
>>
No. 1031183 ID: 08b72c

This sounds like a day trip. Three villains sounds like a lot to take out all at once, at least this early.
I think it would be better to get some training in - maybe Fio and Kel?
>>
No. 1031248 ID: ce39da

Cleveland and DWAG shopping + errand outing? Could be a good opportunity for interpersonal bonding.
>>
No. 1032873 ID: 50a0ec

GET A CATBOY. oh my god. what kind of villain team doesn't have an evil pet. fio can get this easy. it's just like picking one up at the shelter, right?
>>
No. 1032962 ID: f98a7b

>>1032873
They're really fucked<3up tho.

I am voting for the catboy
>>
No. 1033208 ID: e5709d

>Catbo-
NO.
>>
No. 1033531 ID: 6042b4

I think I agree that we really do need one of those fucked up catboys. Watch dog with a gun chase them around the building. Its good team building.
>>
No. 1033532 ID: 30b9f6

>>1033531
Gonna have to say that as fun as the fucked-up catboy (FUCB) recruitment plan sounds we should probably just stick to

>>1031248
this.
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