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Smooth Whisper
a445b2
It's corrections time again! Just for reference, when I say [character]'s left or right [something], I mean their right or left, not the viewer's. I think it's a bit more consistent that way.
For Experimentation:
- Page 1, Panel 1, Alison is missing the band of her top that goes around her ribcage, it should be visible under her arm. Speaking of her arm, in panels 1 and 2 of page 1, and possibly panel 2 of page 2, Alison has a set of bands/bandages around her upper left arm which is missing everywhere else. Back to page 1, panel 1 Iso has no eyebrows, it might just be loss of detail to being in the background but it's noticeable. So is Chief's(?) arms just behind him. It wouldn't matter but he's right where the line of the eye travels from Shopkeep to Alison. In panel 6 of Page 1, "Like I think this one is a saw?" doesn't have a speech bubble, though that could be an effect to make it read "quieter"? Like he's muttering it to himself or similar. And in the final panel of page 1, Alison has no eyebrows or eyelashes, she's a little funny-lookin' there. Same panel, Recluse's robe isn't shaded.
- Page 2, panel 1, one of the lines of the neck strap on alison's top isn't drawn, on her right side. Panel 3, the line from Recluse's cloak intruding onto his face is very noticeable, there are a few overreaching lines around but that one's really blatant since it's right at the intersection with a background character's face. Panel 6, it looks like a line of Alison's hip should be visible past her skirt/sash strap, from the way it's been drawn.
- Page 3, panel 2, some of the background shade should probably be visible in the space between Alison's body and her right arm. Her new dicks also seem to have twisted around a little. Panel 6, I'm not sure what's going on with Iso's butt. If that's supposed to be one of the spikes on his tail to the right of him then it probably should be in front, and it it's part of his clothes (since he seems to have a coat-tail or something on the other side) then he's missing his tail entirely. I'd assume the former only it looks like some of his pants are bunched up further down, below Alison's hand, the way they would be on a leg. Panel 7, I'm not sure what's supposed to be between Recluse's chest and Alison's tail, I would have assumed it's part of his robe from the way there are deformation lines on it, but it isn't shaded.
- Page 4, panel 2, Alison's body is kind of oddly proportioned, it would probably be better if she didn't have the black shadow sections cutting into her waist and making it look so thin, and if her bellybutton was aligned a bit differently, so it seemed more tilted down to put her hips under them rather than tilted forward to bring them away? Panel 3, the neck straps on Alison's top have a few lines missing.
- Page 5, all I have to comment on is the color of Alison's fluids. I get that they're shaded to make them stand out, but it looks strange! It seems like it'd be better if the dicks had been shaded the whole time instead, and that would have added variety elsewhere too, but, that would be more work. So, not so much an error as just a thought.
On to Polo Interlude 3!
- Page 1, since the first 4 panels are a silly flashback we'll ignore them. In panel 5, Rokoa's right arm should probably be some sort of visible behind her, a bit, since it's coming up to go behind her back. Maybe if you left the outer line of her back where it is and redrew the line of her spin and added another to mark a new back line? Unless that's supposed to be what's going on anyway, in which case maybe cut off part of the back/arm intersect arm towards her neck and like, add a little turnoff towards her shoulder or something. Panel 6, one of the background lines passes in front of Polo's tail fastener pole, up next to the first speech bubble's tail. Korli has has a bunch of thin lines on the outside of her right leg and above the crook of her right arm, I'd assume they would represent her shaking or something but they're not matched with any more elsewhere on her. The speech bubble positioning is a little weird, it's set up to read from top down and then right, while the normal way to read is from top right and then down. The first time I read it, I moved from Rokoa's opening line to the CAI first, and Polo's "Tell me about it" kinda lost as to where it was supposed to go relative to Korli's lines, too. You might move Rokoa's first bubble further left, and maybe move Polo's bubble up closer to where it should be? Aside from all that, I just want to comment that in those last two panels and several times through the whole comic, Rokoa has a thick line under her mouth that makes her look like she has black lips, which makes sense and I like it.
- Page 2, panel 1, Rokoa and Polo seem to have switched from their left hands being further up to their right hands being further up. Polo is missing her left eyebrow. In this first panel, both of their eyes are filled in, while two panels later they have white pupils. Polo and Rokoa both have light-colored eyes in their own quests so, to me, they generally look more like themselves with eyes that aren't filled in (Rokoa especially looks more crazy without the black fill, I think), but it's up to you which way you want to go. Moving completely to panel 4, Rokoa appears to have a pair of hands growing out of each other. Also, the order of the speech bubble is a bit weird! The eye naturally goes from "not until you have the points to get it back, rokoa" to "clearly we never told you[...]: straight away, even though after you've read them all, Polo's lines are clearly supposed to go between them. Maybe if you swapped the position of Polo's bubble with that of the CAI's third one, and changed the tails/links to go over/under each other, it would read more naturally?
It might help in the first two pages if all their restraints were shaded, the way the CAI's "arms" are in later pages.
- Page 3, eye inconsistence again, Rokoa's are filled in panel 7 but not in the rest of the page. In page 9 her left eye is missing a line under. Panel 10, she has no areola marks on her left boob, which looks odd only because her right one does have them. She could do with her right eyebrow, too. The score card in the last panel has Rokoa on the left and Polo on the right, in future panels with a score card it's the other way around. Maybe it's a different score card, since this one gives their full names and the others are just P and R?
This page is the first in which the CAI screen's arm is shaded, in this case just the arm where it was white before (aside from the "flashback" in the first page. It continues to be inconsistent through the comic what parts of the CAI's armature/screen are shaded or not.
- Page 4, the restraint arms which previously seemed mechanical, with sharps bends and squared ends and so on, are now tentacles, and continue to be for the rest of the comic. Probably too much work to make consistent through the whole thing, though. Fully shaded CAI screen this time.
- Page 5, panel one, the arm/tentacle with the button is shaded now, though it wasn't before. Panel 2, the CAI's screen has no internal square and is fully shaded, the other panels have it with a white screen. Panel 6, the polo on the screen is missing her nose. Panel 7, the visibility of the artificial dick under Rokoa, with the pose she's in, makes it look like her anatomy is really out of position, it might be better if the dick wasn't visible, or moved further back so only an edge of it were visible beside her left thigh, or it was somehow made apparent that her spine was curved forward more. Rokoa's eyes are mismatching again, filled in panel 3 and 4 but not in panel 7.
- Page 6, panel 1, the dick look like it's going straight up into a space that doesn't exist, it could do with being curved forward or something? It looks especially odd in contrast with the last panel of the previous page, since in that it looked very far forward and here it's really far back. Panel 4, I realize it needs to help emphasize the bulge in Rokoa's belly, but the right side of her pubic mound should probably be further right, if you want a sense of the dick's mass inside her? And maybe her left thigh should be overlapping the dick a bit to make it look more under her instead of in front of her, since her right leg looks like it's angled a bit forward. I feel like that's maybe getting kinda nitpicky, though. As is me mentioning the eyes again, probably. Unfilled for Rokoa and Polo until panel 7. CAI has consistent shaded arm/frame and white screen this page.
- Page 7, panel 4, a bit of the bed under Polo's right hand is shaded her color, not the bed's. Same between her left hand and her neck/ears. All filled-in eyes this page. All white CAI screen armature.
- Page 8, panel 5, Polo's left ear seems missing, and the tentacle around Rokoa's torso is unshaded. Final panel, button is unshaded despite both being shaded two panels previous. All filled eyes this time, too. CAI back to its most proper-looking white screen with all else shaded in panel 2, and just a white square in panel 3 but that's a little one so it's ok.
- Page 9, filled eyes again, and shaded/whitescreen CAI. Panel 5, there should probably be a line somewhere under Jorli's hand on the sidie of Rokoa's face, because it looks a little weird with just the blank space there. Final panel, the tentacle around Rokoa's torso seems gone, it doesn't come back until pane 7 of the next page. I'm not sure how the speech bubbles are supposed to be read; on first read I read all of Polo's and then Rokoa's, but on reflection, it seems like Rokoa's line should be after Polo's first two, then Polo's last line, then the speech bubble in the first panel of the next page should be Rokoa's?
- That would be the first thing on page 10, then, maybe, only then the "AHHH!!" seems odd. If it's not Rokoa, though, I'm not sure who's saying "You just think that, girl!", since it seems like it fits with the lines before and after. Filled eyes for page 10. The CAI's screen is shaded.
- Not much to see page 11, there's a little line next to the tip of Rokoa's tail that looks like it's outlining a space that should be shaded. Filled eyes once more, and all-white CAI screens/frames.
- Page 12, suddenly, Polo's eyes are unfilled again in panel 1! Otherwise all filled. CAI screen is shaded. I note this page is where extra shading starts to be used. Panel 5, Polo's left thigh looks like it's outer line is missing, making it look immense and fat. Her left arm looks a bit peculiar as well, like the line of her upper arm comes down too far.
- Page 13, panel 3, all the sex toys on the table are shaded despite having been white the last time we saw them, and the edge of one being white in panel 6. Panel 6 also has Rokoa's eye unfilled, though filled elsewhere on the page. Extra shading stops after this page.
- Page 14, all-white CAI this page. Panel 5 Rokoa's eyes are unfilled again, and she's missing her left eyebrow. Panels 7, 8 and 9, the wheel is spinning the opposite direction from how Rokoa spun it. Transposing "Gang bang" with "Aphrodesiac Overload" and flipping the position of the arrow in panels 7 and 8 would fix it.
- Page 15, nothing really to remark except that there are a lot of overlapping lines on the soldiers in panel 6. And that the eyes are all filled, of course, and the CAI is back to shaded frame/arm with white screen.
- Finally, page 16, panel 1, Rokoa's snout and visible nipple aren't shaded, and the soldier she's wrangling is missing any armor lines on his left leg. There are a few overlapping lines in that vicinity, too, while I'm there. Panel 2, a bit of Rokoa's arm should probably be visible. Panel 3, what I assume is a tentacle around Rokoa's right arm, beside her boob, is unshaded. Panel 4, I think a bit of Rokoa's ear under her chin is shaded with the tentacle shade. Panel 7, I think maybe part of Rokoa's right ear got mistaken for her finger? Since if it is her finger it's very big. The belt that I assume she looted is missing its upper line going back over her hip. Final panel, some of the explosion light from the previous panel is leaking into this one. Eyes are all filled, and the CAI in panels 1 and 3 are all white. Panel 4 it looks like under the general shading its arm is shaded and the screen/frame are white.
I think that's everything! Mostly nitpicky shading stuff, but a few other things in there. I hope I'm not fussing over too much!
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