Heck with it, I'll post the PDF anyways. Note that it has no art in it currently, so yeah. I do have some pieces ready, but they won't go in until it's ready for sale.

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0ByNzvCjNfmfMWTI1VmVxUUNWZGc/edit?usp=sharing

Below is a rule system I'm considering for Skills. It's based really loosely on the White Wolf system for skills and attributes, where you "prioritize" skills.

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0ByNzvCjNfmfMZUt3UmNMc2NIWnc/edit?usp=sharing

fucking wings EVERYWHERE

can i make buttwings

>>10177
I would take out all those disclaimers and the stuff about nerds. it's unnecessary and distracting and makes you look defensive and petty.

>>10181

Not even a disclaimer about the fact that this is a game? I suppose I can cut out most of that, yes, and make the rest a lot more professional.

Thank you for your feedback, I will do that right now.

Why are you attempting to make an RPG based off of Slightly Damned...
when the author already made one, and a video game RPG as well?!

>>10183
wait what

For one, the video game is RPG Maker, and isn't made by her, per se. So there's that.

For another, I haven't seen any tabletop RPG for this, other than my own...could you link me, please?

>>10182
I don't think you really need that one either, no.

I haven't even gotten to the rules yet! This is a huge problem. Put the example of play at the END of the rulebook. Put the game terms there too. There's a whole lot of them, and you really should explain them in the context of the rules instead of dumping them on us this early. For the reader, none of this stuff makes any sense yet. It's better to let 'em dip their toes in first and get a feel for how the system works a little better before you dump a whole lot of terms without references.

Also, put the special racial attributes and junk after the actual explanation of what stats are. If you wanted, you could put all the flavor descriptions on a seperate page like you have it, and just put the special bonuses and junk after the chart with the stats on it.

Sorry I am just doing this piecemeal as I read through it.

I think the mixling rules are kinda bad. What you might want to do is just average the dice to roll and round down, and then roll those dice, instead of rolling the dice and then averaging the actual result. The reason that I say this is that you will end up with mediocre stats just based on averaging most of the time. Because you're rolling twice and averaging the results, it will be a whole lot harder to get high or low scores.

I think there's an error in Persuade. It says that a success on a hostile person makes them hostile.

Also why would you ever need to roll persuade on a friendly person? It should probably say "auto succeeds" like "Vicious" does.

First of all, thank you for even bothering, Anon! I was starting to wonder if I'd posted in the wrong section.

>>10202

K, removed the disclaimer, and will place the terms and example of play in the back.

>>10203

Not sure I understand what you're saying, so I'll try to reword it: Move the race chapter to a point after the Attributes/Stats chapter?

>>10204

Okay, that makes sense when you say it. XD

>>10205

Well, I was thinking you'd have to do well just to improve a hostile person's attitude, but I guess it is out of sync with everything else. Yeah, I'll change that.

>>10206

You mean "helpful", but otherwise you're right, I'll edit that too. Oops! (This is mostly just editing stuff so far, so I have no problem changing it.)

>>10207
I'll clarify by what I meant about the race stuff.

Right now we get race descriptions and then special powers that we can't really make sense of because we don't know enough, then the rules for what everything means, then a list of what are really significant factors in choosing a race.

I think you could leave the descriptions and pictures, and move the special attributes to after or near the chart. At that point, we can make general sense of what the special things DO, and we can make a better decision in choosing our race. Plus it's all in the same place. You don't have to flip back and forth when you're looking at which race you want.

>>10208

Oh, okay! That's a lot more clear, thank you; and yes, that does make sense. Learn by doing/screwing up, I guess!

>>10209
tbph it's because you know how everything works. You have to have somebody who doesn't know the rules at all (Hell, I don't even know the setting- I've never read the comic) to put shit in the right order.

>>10209
I'd also put the basic combat rules before the spell list and equipment list. The spells should probably go after combat and equipment rules.

>>10209
How does losing an archetype benefit work? Do you have to pay back the experience you earned? Also, the benefits are way, way not balanced. Almost all of them are worth more than 3 perk points worth of experience like, off the bat. There's no initial cost. You are literally always better off picking one and then dumping it later to level up the deficient stats. You're going to have earned more than 4xp that it costs to drop the archetype in like, one session probably.

>>10209
I also don't understand how negative hitpoints are supposed to work. if they heal before hitpoints and you lose 1 a minute when you're relying on them, how could you ever rest to recover them? You'd have to be at least back to normal hitpoints to stop losing one a minute, and by then you don't need to recover them.

>>10211

In a separate chapter from Skills, or in the same chapter?

>>10212

Yeah, I figured Archetypes was screwed up. I'm almost (almost) considering dropping them, but I REALLY like the idea...

>>10213

K, I'll do some looking over on those, see if I can't find a more efficient and elegant way to do that.

Again, thank you for your help. I need this brutal honesty! XD

>>10215
Yeah that's right, they're grouped that way because they're skills. I would put a breif description that magic skills are all seperate spells or whatever in the skills chapter, and then put them in their own chapter. They take up a lot of space and are before the rest of the actual rules.

>>10212

Okay, so the "Benefits" are different from the "Starting Benefits" for this purpose. (I should probably differentiate them better!) This means that the Archer does NOT lose his bow and arrows.

He also doesn't lose any increases in skill gained as a result of leaving the Archetype. If he spends 2+2+2+3+3 = 12 experience increasing his Bows skill, then leaves the Archer Archetype, he doesn't lose any skill points, nor does he lose any experience now that the cost has gone back up.

Yeah, it's unbalanced. I should probably adjust EXP gain or costs to compensate, at the VERY least. Any other suggestions?

>>10217
Yeah I understood that. The problem is that some of the INITIAL BENEFITS just by themselves alone are worth more than the 3 perk points it costs to buy the Archetype. What you need to do is go through and make sure that the starting benefits, the initial benefits, are all worth less than the cost to purchase the Archetype, and all worth about the same amount as each other. Beguiler is the worst that I've seen so far.

You might have to increase the cost to buy them to start with if you can't shave enough starting benefits off to balance them. Because it should be an initial cost for a long term gain (cheaper stats) so that there is some actual cost associated with picking one. Right now it's nothing but a pure benefit. There is literally no reason not to take an Archetype. You make up your "lost" experience immediately with pretty much all of them.

I'll have to read through again. I didn't really read the spells or equipment to look for things that seemed unbalanced.

>>10218

Question: Do you think the game would be better served by dropping the Starting Benefits, and just having the experience cost benefits?

>>10219
What you could do is make some of the starting benefits prerequisites (like having to be able to use a bow for the hunter) instead of just giving them to them for free. If you took away the starting benefits, then the person is actually paying for cheaper stats, so it's a lot more balanced.

>>10220

Anything else major, or minor, that you've noticed?

Also, do you think (compared to damage values) that the current setup of HP is too much? Should I up damage values? I suddenly realized that as-written, even a critical hit from a dagger is not really going to do a lot to someone's health. I'm wondering if I should remove critical hits entirely, and have something like "each 6 that comes up allows you to roll another 1d" or something.

>>10226
I'll have to look through everything again. I wasn't really looking at HPs or damage and more general like, large scope organization and clarity. I am not 100% sure I understand how magic works exactly to be honest, but I'll read it again and see if it makes more sense.

>>10228

What do you not understand, currently?

>>10229
Like, I get that you have to buy the spells in order and you only buy your element. Factor is the amount over the target number you need to roll to cast successfully.

That's what I understood. Can you give me a quick example of like, shooting a spell at a guy? With all the dicenumbers?

>>10230

Under, not over, but yeah.

Okay, quick scenario: Character A tries to shoot B with Burning Bolt (why is it burning shot in some places, need proofreader).

Burning Shot is at 17, he rolls 5,2,2 (9 total). Factor is 8. Making sure he hits, he rolls ATK + Spells + 1/5 POW, minus his foe's DEF + Dodge. This ends up with a target of 13; rolling 12, he hits. Factor on attack rolls applies to DBR, so that +1 doesn't modify anything.

A then rolls damage (2d-1), dealing 10 - 1 (base) + 8 (Factor) [Fire] damage, minus any Protect.

>>10231
and how does like, the strain and the subsequent castings go? Also the original roll is his skill in the spell vs 17, right?

>>10232

Strain? If you mean how MP costs works, one successful casting drains you of the cost's MP, while a failed casting drains you of 1. Subsequent castings are not made more difficult or easier.

And yes, it's compared to your skill in the spell (in this case, we're assuming 17).

>>10232

Anything else? And...

>>10228

How's progress here?

>>10247
Yeah sorry I haven't really had time for this recently. I'm still alive, I swear!

>>10256

XD I was more worried I'd chased you off or made you mad or some shit. Damn you depression + pessimism!

>>10257
No worries. No, it's interesting. I'm just stupid busy.

>>10260

Still busy man? :/

>>10321
Unfortunately. My new job is pretty killer time-wise.

Okay, updated the PDF. Hope it's all decent; made some edits to formatting and game design itself, based on earlier feedback.

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0ByNzvCjNfmfMdXRtNnI0dm1oYkk/edit?usp=sharing

Skill Focus thing again.

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0ByNzvCjNfmfMOFZrZVNHT0NPY0E/edit?usp=sharing

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