|
>>
|
55c4cf.jpg
Lilac Dream Song
55c4cf
Upcoming Events
Christmas Break: Dec. 22-Jan. 3rd. Will not be bringing workstation, so if there is an update it will be LDIRFO and not Lilac in this time period.
Further Confusion: Jan. 15th-Jan. 19th. Will try to update early, will update second time late.
End of 2011 til Now
(tl;dr warning)
When twenty odd eleven was coming to a close I had been struggling to get all my school work done, and keep a 4.0 GPA. While I accomplished that task somehow, the time I was spending on my quest was really draining me. At the time I was intending to stay where I was and finish my two year program, and the next semester was going to be grueling work so I decided I needed to pull back from updating as much as possible to drown in school work. I did. I got straight A’s again during Spring 2012 and I was not nearly as stressed out.
The month of my exams, a lot of things happen. My mother took hundreds of dollars from me and gave them to my sister to help her. My sister left that money on her dresser and some “guy that was over stole it.” I was starting to really be impacted by my health problems, and I had no means to get any help with it. My sister got into an argument with my mother and said sister threw me under the bus to trip my mom up in conversation. My entire family is very strict pentecostal and my lifestyle, if you want to call it that, does not compute with them. I was almost homeless, but the community here saved me.
Money was raised rather rapidly to help me with my quick move to DoubleHope’s place, who had offered to take me in. I didn’t get an excess of money, just enough to get necessary things there, as well as the prizes I had purchased for Sea Wizards. During the move, my computer was busted in shipping. This put me without a main work station for some months. I was glad I at least had a home, and I had a moment to breathe while I was trying to be less rude to people.
I started to get medical assistance after I settled in, and in less than a year I was finally feeling like a human being instead of just a flesh and blood shell for my ideas that felt out of place with literally everything. This was unfortunately also when I stopped being able to draw. I was born androgynous/intersex. I had no estrogen, I had no testosterone. I don’t mean like, a bit low, I am talking like 5% of what a healthy adult would have of either.
So in simpler terms I’ve been going through puberty for the first time in my twenties and my base reaction to these stimuli and changes have ruined my sense of a lot of things. I feel better despite my heart problems, bad lungs, blood pressure, kidney risk, I have a lot of problems but all of them but my heart have been managed. My diet was completely limited August 2013 and since I joined tgchan I have lost at least 111 lbs. I don’t feel like I am balancing on death every day anymore. I am starting to be happy with myself. This is new, and it’s been quite a climb.
This year I came out in the open of being Intersex because I was rather tired of the minority of people who were being extremely hateful. The response has been entirely positive, and I am deeply thankful. I’ve been extremely off if not just offputting for my time around and I am self-aware. I am apologetic and I am trying to do better.
Since I started updating Lilac again, I’ve kept going, I’ve done it consistent. I am not happy with my output for my drawings. Drawing now feels like I am learning how to do the things I already know I can do from scratch. It takes me about eight times as long to do things I used to be able to churn out in 4 hours. I’m starting to feel more comfortable again.
I’ve felt like the old me is dead. I’ve been really screwed up for about two years. I don’t necessarily know why I decided to share all of this today but like, I say thank you to this community a lot. I am excited for peoples’ quests, their characters, just talking to people (when I can handle it). You guys are my family. When I say “Thank you,” it’s not just a pleasantry. The smile that is on my face is only possible through this community.
I’ve been pushing myself to draw more than my updates again. It’s frustrating, but I’m starting to feel comfortable again. I’ve been stumbling around since fall 2012 and people have been holding my hand and trying to keep me standing. I am really sorry to the people who had to deal with me crying, kicking and screaming during that time period. I’ll see what I can do to make it up to myself, my friends, and the people who are still creating.
|