>>
|
f2cf5a.jpg
Twilight Cake
f2cf5a
>>141074
Okay, so I'm going to spill a bunch of thoughts I've had for a while now.
I really enjoyed Dead Dust, but primarily the reason that I enjoyed it was the mystery of who we were, as well as coming up with plans to escape the Vesper Society. Now, I'll admit, part of me thought they were actually malicious, but I also felt like it would've been an interesting relief if they really were largely what they were on the surface and we were just paranoid/not wanting to deal with their crap. I had really hoped we weren't some big fancy Chosen One, and we'd be free to escape and then move into the next arc of exploring a city and trying to find ourselves, whether it's our new self or old self. I had seen Chapter 2 as the start of a bit of a lengthy tutorial after the opening cutscene.
And then Nickle or whatever her name was showed up, and things started going off the rails. Suddenly we had a super-imposed presence telling us we were super special, and then we had the all too typical cult betrayal. It was frustrating, but as I said, I'd kinda expected it, so I just more or less sighed and went along with it, hoping maybe it would be one of those situations where it'd be an interspersed matter that wouldn't take front row. Maybe an excuse to get out of the Vesper Society and get into the overarching world properly quicker? I'd be down for that. Something that would particularly allow us to refocus on the bigger mystery of Who We Were and Where We're Going, which would be amazing- while also giving us an overarching task to focus on instead of meandering through a quest with no planned, defined end, which is a common pitfall of quests.
And then Chapter -1 happened and ruined everything. I mean no offense and not to hurt you, but IMO -1 was just a completely bad call, as it just utterly ruined the mystery and PRIMARY MOTIVATION OF THE QUEST THAT YOU SET UP. I want to reiterate this:
YOU, by nature of how you opened the quest, set up that 'your memories are missing, find them' was a big issue, something that would take time, effort, and energy on our part. A task that, sure, might not take the whole quest, but would be a cornerstone and lynchpin for our choices and moves in the quest overall, whether in pursuit of it, escape of it, or something else. But it was read as something that would be IMPORTANT, and something wherein the discovery of which would be satisfying due to our own investigative efforts.
And you just...GAVE it to us. No fanfare, no real input on our part, just 'yup, here's the solution to all that mystery that I very strongly implied was important in a narrative sense, now ignore all your efforts and choices to that purpose in favor of this soup-stock plot involving weird spirits that I want you to write'. And okay, that sounds rude, I'll grant that, but I've been holding onto this for a while, so I honestly beg your pardon in my brief venting. Point is, I feel like Chapter -1 ruined the quest, and wasn't necessary in the LEAST. The fact that even you're considering the consequences of -1 tells me that it's worth retconning and there should be NO SHAME in doing that. A lot of QMs considered retcons and rewrites to be anathema, or a mark of a 'bad writer'. I say 'there's a reason professional editors exist, so don't be so conceited about the quality of your work'. Sometimes, what you cook up tastes bad. That doesn't necessarily mean you're a bad cook, it just means you made a bad dish the once. Chuck it and try again!
Ultimately, despite all of that, I STILL want more Dead Dust. I really do. However, I honestly would strongly recommend a reset to before the weird alterverse shenanigans in Chapter 2, and VERY MUCH would suggest retconning Chapter -1 out entirely. The story was simple, but very much hinted at intriguing depth already, and you didn't need to force it at all. (If you didn't, then perhaps it was just an issue with pacing.) You had the most interest and curiosity, IMO, right before that part, and I'd love to get back to that. I know a lot of people will be like 'this is your story, do as you like, it's only right for you to write what you want', and I feel like though that's honest and true, it's also not what you asked for and a bit dismissive. You asked for honest feedback, right? Feedback will be opinionated, and this is my honest opinion, warts and all, but 200% from a place of sincerity, hope, experience, and observation . You're a great writer, but you needed to keep what brought you to the dance, not shift as hard as you did and through out all the maneuvering and effort we'd made up until that point. I'll say it again just to sum up: great story up until about Chapter 2's midpoint. Don't be afraid to junk all the stuff from beyond that point, cut the fat, keep the mysteries alive and keep going. It's no condemnation to do so, and I'd happily delve back into Penny's strange life if that happened.
|