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Evening Dancer
e31d52
ALRIGHT I DON'T READ THIS QUEST OR ANY OF YOUR QUESTS, HOWEVER, I DO SEE YOUR UPDATES AND AS ANOTHER WRITER I FEEL YOU NEED TO BE TOLD A FEW THINGS.
If you want to write a screenplay or a play, write one. But you're writing a Quest. Quests are not that. They aren't scripts. Yes, it's easier to write like that, and yes, it makes things simpler on yourself, but it... look, it hurts to read. Period. It's why I haven't and won't read your quests, it reminds me too much of bad fanfiction.
The format, not the content.
When writing, either use '"____"____ said' or something similar, or preface the dialogue with '___ says'. This isn't infringing on 'your style' this is basic english and literature. You look at Bones, or any of Bob's quests, or any of my text (hell, arted) quests, and then you look at yours. There's a difference, a rather marked one.
Look, you could stand to improve. I'm not saying you're absolute shit, I'm saying you need to work on your lazy style. In all of your quests. Look, just... Look.
Hattori: Hello, my dear wonderful wife, what is for dinner?
Ella: Why, this wonderful boar I killed this afternoon and prepared!
Hattori: Wonderful job, my dear!
Hattori stretched widely and yawned as he entered his home, sniffing the air. Something was cooking, something wonderful. He walked into the kitchen and took a seat.
"Hello, my dear wonderful wife, what is for dinner?" he asked intently, causing Ella to turn around, revealing the carcass she was butchering.
"Why, this wonderful boar I killed this afternoon and prepared!" she replied, smiling, and going back to work on it.
"Wonderful job, my dear!" he replied, rising and kissing the back of her neck. He needed to play with his son, for he had neglected to today. So with that, he headed into the backyard.
Both scenes use the same mental image and the same dialouge. But which one would you prefer to make suggestions to, A or B?
Again. I'm not saying you're shitty or intending this to be flaming. I'm merely pointing out how you could VASTLY improve. Yes, I've seen you use B. But only sometimes. You should be doing that, ALL THE TIME. I want to see you improve, Goldude, so that's why I'm going to the effort of posting this. Please don't take offence.
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