What is your name, oh forsaken soul?

Suggestion 2009/12/20(Sun)10:25 No. 95249 ID: 4b3fb1
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I was once Gustaf von Hibbelschlosser, but that name's totally lame and bummer, so just call me Gus.

Oh, and the damn doorbell's been ringing for like 5 minutes and my lame-ass excuses of foster parents aren't home.

>>95249

Sigh heavily and go answer it.

Will you never find rest? I suppose you'll need to answer this intruder before you can reach any calm.

Suggestion 2009/12/20(Sun)10:34 No. 95257 ID: 4b3fb1
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Shit!

...it's a Witness. He asks if he can come in.

>>95257

Sure, I don't see any sort of danger here whatsoever.

Tell him you don't believe in it and he has to deal with your misbelief.

>>95257

Witness? As in, Jehovah's Witness?

Man, those guys have gotten significantly more badass since the last time I threw one out of my house.

>>95259
Oh man, now I gotta listen to his bullshit. He's also soaking wet and makes a weird clinking sound when he walks.
>>95260
He replies he's prepared to deal with my misbelief.

Now I have a damn JW in my house. Man, my life is so hard.

Suggestion 2009/12/20(Sun)10:52 No. 95265 ID: 4b3fb1
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((Picture))

>>95265
uhm. excuse me but he looks rather more like a, how shall I say this, deamonhunter than a door to door witness.

Suggestion 2009/12/20(Sun)11:03 No. 95269 ID: 4b3fb1
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He asks me if I'd like to make a confession.

Oh man, we're not supposed to tell anyone we're vampires, but no one's reading my LiveJournal or Twitter! I, like, really need to tell people all about me, you know.

What should I do?

>>95269

Start telling him how, like, due to your disease, like nobody at all will listen to you, you know?

Tell him about all of your highschool drama. I think that's what he wants to hear.

Suggestion 2009/12/20(Sun)11:21 No. 95274 ID: 4b3fb1
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Wow, this guy is a great listener.

He says he's got a present for me. I bet it's a bible or something.

Should I accept?

It's present, man. What kind of question is that?

>>95274
It's a real-life friend request.

Accept, of course. It's probably gum or something.

It's probably a red-hot poker of righteousness.

Of course you should accept it.

Suggestion 2009/12/20(Sun)11:41 No. 95282 ID: 4b3fb1
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I accept.

He gets up and drops his pants.

Now stuff that red-hot poker of righteousness in your mouth and enjoy it.

>>95282
Glare at him and tell him to get out of your house.

>>95282

Awkwardly tell him that you're a vampire.

Vampires are allergic to human penises.

Suggestion 2009/12/20(Sun)11:54 No. 95300 ID: 4b3fb1
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STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM

Suggestion 2009/12/20(Sun)11:59 No. 95304 ID: 4b3fb1
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You're pretty lucky we were raiding your house for drugs, kid.

Well, not really, since we found hundreds of dead bodies buried under your house. You're under arrest, boy.


The end.

Congratulate the police officer on his dick shaped nose.

>>95304
...Kill him?

Because you are a vampire, and one fucking cop is nothing?

Become filled with hatred and a thirst for vengeance at the sight of this man's nose. Tear him apart with your bare hands, and feast! Feast upon the fresh blood of the former living!

>>95308
>>95313
You guys must be thinking of a different type of vampire. This vampire sparkles in sunlight...

>>95328
>>95304
Then destroy his will to live with the depressing tale of your life!

Fucking epic.

Best Quest = this.