>>934768
"Swallow now, vomit later" if the drugs would affect us when we fully digest her, not merely swallow.
Otherwise, we either find a way to keep her silent and still, or go Bennie Troung on the bitch except with a knife instead of your dick.

>>934759
>...hang on, is this the "messenger" that was seen talking to one of the vampires?
Shit. If she is the messenger, then that means the vampire hunters might be nearby looking for her or they’ve followed her here and are waiting for the right moment to kick in the door to come interrogate her!

And if they kick in the door and catch us in the middle of eating her, then they’ll be chasing after us! Which would be even worse if it turns out the drugs in her system affects us, even if we don’t absorb her!

Not only would a drugged up Ema have a hard time running away, she would also be more likely to eat innocent people!

>>934752
>You’ve never knocked anyone out before…
Shouldn't you have a memory of how to do that from one of the swords previous owners?

I'm pretty sure knocking someone out with either the sheath or the butt of your sword falls under "skills associated with swords" that you should be able to use. Unless that's something else the swords failed to mention that you don't have access to.

Perhaps she's drugged up enough that, once you touch her head and paralyze her, she'll pass out?

>>934772
I also don't like how there's a possibility Athena and Kern could show up any moment now.

We really don't need them catching us eating someone nor do we need Ema so drugged up that she could attack them or accidentally reveal herself as an undead.

Kaktus 2019/06/05(Wed)16:16 No. 934932 ID: 1301e8
File 155977660639.png - (88.84KB , 700x550 , 94.png )

>Shouldn't you have a memory of how to do that from one of the swords previous owners?
You do know hitting someone over the head with the hilt of the sword with enough force will generally make them stop moving. Now, if it’s because they are dead or because you just gave them enough head trauma to give them some permanent brain damage depends on how hard headed they are. Either way, knocking out people is surprisingly hard if you want to keep them in a good shape afterwards, apparently?
>Perhaps she's drugged up enough that, once you touch her head and paralyze her, she'll pass out?
Hmm, it’s possible… or her drugged up state might just make it harder to knock her out, as her body won’t feel that it’s supposed to go unconscious.
>Now we know what exactly was Oran selling and to whom. We need to have a serious chat with that boy.
You still aren’t sure what exactly this substance is and what its effects are, but yes, you’ll need to give him a stern talking to and attempt to convince him to stop this nonsense.
>Karn can be stopped in another way. Find the people he's hurt, find out which of them are innocent and which are guilty, and confront him with that information.
And then make sure he feel guilty about it and redeem himself. He can’t continue causing harm like that.

>...tell her if she wants out, you can arrange things.
Arrange things? Why can’t we just leave? Just grab our stuff and leave for the horizon at sunrise? Just… fly away! Weee….
We can’t just leave like that, can we?
Why not? Haha, it’s not like anyone would come looking for us or anything… we’ll just disappear… and be gone… poof… like magic! MAGIC! HAHA!
How are we supposed to live without any gold to our names?
Hah… haha… Terti, Terti, Terti. I have so much fucking coin after all those suckers we’ve sold… don’t you have it too? Or did it also go poof? Haha…
Err… sure…
Also, you’re a fucking gold mine! Gold fucker! Whatever! Haha!
>We need to know who else knows of their dirty deeds, just to make sure who else is our next target.
So… hey, do you know when we’re supposed to… sell the next sucker?
Haha, why are you asking me that, Terti? You and your ugly sis are the ones who take care of that shit. I just sell the stuff we pilfer from the corpses! Haha! I mean… not actually corpses, but you get it! Wait, why are you suddenly asking me about that? Are you… not Tertian? Gasp! I knew it!
Wha-
You’re his evil twin! AWESOME! Let’s have a threesome!
I’m not my own evil twin, love.
Aw…
Anyway, speaking of my Sis… what do you think she does with everyone we… catch?
Eh, probably sell them to some silver mines or something? It’s those creepy twins that pick them up right? Don’t they own some mine or something? But who the fuck cares? They are probably going to be dead in a few years anyway. Those fucking silver mines are death traps, Haha!
…if you say so.

>No mercy, she knew she was doing bad shit, she knew his sister was sending people to their slavery, and she did nothing but benefit from it. And Tertian too, he even got pleasure of knowing you would be a next victim. They all fucked up. To the belly with them.
She is clearly evil and needs to be stopped.
>Even if she is super guilty and shows no signs of remorse when sober, we DO need someone to interrogate! She's a drug addict and we have access to her drug dealer.
You’ve already tried asking her a few questions, but it’s clear she either doesn’t know anything or she’s too high to really talk. Either way, you’ll need to wait for her to sober up a bit first.
>Let's schloomp her up now and vomit her out when we're done casing the place.
Let’s make sure she can’t get away in a way that someone can’t accidently walk in on. You also need to know if you actually can get people out from there and it would be better if you tried it on someone that you wouldn’t miss instead of one that you would. Though, you have to wonder… just how out there is she? Hmm…

Hey, I just remember where I put that ring. See, I kind of accidently… swallowed it?
What? Really? Haha, I guess we just have to… ew… wait for it to come out then?
You got long arms, don’t you? Maybe you can pull it out?
What? You mean… you want me to just reach into there and… pull it out?
Have you ever tried? Your arms are longer than my upper body after all, so it wouldn’t be a problem, right?
…wait, you can do that? I didn’t know that! Haha! Why haven’t anyone else told me that before? Open up, I’m going in!
You’re wh- MFF!?

She practically shoves her arm into your maw before you can do anything else. You didn’t expect her to be this easy to convince.

Open wider! I can almost reach it! I… think? Haha… geez… I didn’t think this was possible?
Mff!?

Kaktus 2019/06/05(Wed)16:16 No. 934933 ID: 1301e8
File 155977661554.png - (79.50KB , 700x550 , 95.png )

The original plan was to trick her into leaning close enough for you to gobble her up, but instead she practically feed herself to you. Even as her head and shoulders disappear into you she continue pressing herself further, seemingly desperate to find out just how deep the rabbit hole goes. By the time her feet loses their footing you can simply lean your head back and let gravity do the rest. She has to have been the easiest meal yet… to bad you’ll probably need to get her out later…

Either way… err… whatever her name was, she’s been dealt with for now.

>I think they're being fed to the vampires.
…that sounds way too plausible. It would explain both why so many people have disappeared, but also why they don’t seem to leave the city either. This place is just a huge smörgåsbord for those fiends!
>...hang on, is this the "messenger" that was seen talking to one of the vampires?
…she was a fence, not a messenger. Unless she was selling stolen goods to them, you don’t think she had anything to do with them personally. There’s a ton of Hivers in this city after all, so the chances of it being her is rather slim.
>If she is the messenger, then that means the vampire hunters might be nearby looking for her or they’ve followed her here and are waiting for the right moment to kick in the door to come interrogate her!
You’re pretty sure they would have kicked down the door long before you even got here! Otherwise, they are probably waiting for you to leave, if they know you’re here. Less witnesses that way, right?
>If they kick in the door and catch us in the middle of eating her, then they’ll be chasing after us!
Even if they kicked in the door the moment you started eating her, you gobbled her up so fast that she would be gone by the time they reached this room. You’re really getting the hang of this eating business after all.

Kaktus 2019/06/05(Wed)16:17 No. 934934 ID: 1301e8
File 155977662362.png - (58.64KB , 700x550 , 96.png )

>Don’t forget that the main reason you’re here is to take any clothes that can fit your male forms and take any money you can find.
Right, remember your priorities. Time to search this place from top to bottom.

…

Having gone through every cupboard, shelf and cabinet, you can safely say that you’ve found everything that might be interesting to you. Not counting all of his… “working tools” and the like.

You found several boxes full of clothes, both male and females ones, coming in all kind of shapes and sizes. (Is that a freaking wizard hat?). It would be enough to find new clothes for every last of your forms.

Beyond that you also found a huge bag filled to the brim with coin, enough for any kind of purchase you might need for the near future.

Then there’s this small bottled labeled as a very potent sleeping drug, which might come in handy?

The curfew is probably starting soon, so if you don’t want to spend the night here you’ll probably need to leave right now. The problem is, there’s no way you can take all of this with you… and most of this stuff would probably be rather bad to have on your person in case the guards find you. Which means that you might need to stay here for the night? It would give you enough time to go through the clothes, right?

Oh, and there’s drugs. A lot of drug bottles, though most of them are empty.

Maybe you can gobble these things up? I mean, you can do it with the swords, right?

You can put a new set of clothes now too.

I don't like the idea of spending the night here. Unless we have no other choice, i would look for somewhere else. If you must stay here, use your Bird guy form, just in case. AND make sure all entrences are closed.

>>934932
>And then make sure he feel guilty about it and redeem himself.
It's his choice. You can't force someone to be good, only convince them to try to change. Stop threatening to eat him, for starters.
>She is clearly evil
There you go with that word again. At least state their sins when you judge them. But yes, she's a slaver who expects the slaves to die, which basically makes her an accessory to murder. She and Tertian deserve the death penalty. She wants to run away, but apparently that's not because she empathizes with her victims, so she's not likely to redeem herself either, and neither will Tertian I expect.

>Tertian and his sister did all the selling of slaves
...how long will Tertian stay fresh? We need to at least find out who one of their contacts is so "Terroza" can visit them for the next link in the chain... I wonder if his bedroom is soundproof? That would make it an excellent interrogation location. Any way to tell?
>>934934
>STUFF
He didn't have a diary? Or anything like that? No clues as to who he's dealing with?
We may have to search Terroza's place if we're absolutely not puking up Tertian. ...or maybe that edible lady outside is one of his contacts?

Take a portion of the gold so you don't have to carry around a conspicuously large bag. I'm not sure how to handle the clothes, aside from packing them in a suitcase or something. Don't take any drugs outside at night.

First up, pour out all the drugs

Could you eat the clothes and vomit them up later, or would you absorb them? Is your stomach a Bag of Holding plus a Bag of Devouring?
If not, wear a pair or two of the skimpier clothes beneath your other clothes, and wear whatever you have/found that's more concealing on top. Easy.

Just take some of the gold - a decent amount, but not enough to where you jingle like a greedy gold goblin.

Also, we're totally taking that pimpin' wizard hat.
+5 to pussy slaying when you wear one of those.

>>934942
Once we're done, vomit up the insect inside the house and give 'er a brand new hole on the neck.

>>934944
Or just stab right through her head. Iunno where the best place to stab insects is, so that's probably the best choice.

>>934944
>>934945
Why kill her without eating her?

>>934946
Swords said we'd get the drugs inside her.

>>934934
Let's not stay here. There's no telling if those "twins" will show up.

Head for Oran to spend the night with him.

>Clothes
Make sure you get some that are Varkian sized and Serpent shaped, since you've also got Varkian and Serpent forms.

And look for some stretchy clothes, so that you don't have to worry about destroying them when you change sizes.

>Money
Only grab some of it. Grab what you think you'll need to spend on the date tomorrow.

And grab what you think you need for a breastplate to protect your core. Try to buy one that's small enough to be concealed under your clothes.

>>934937
>Eat these things?
Can't do that. The clothes will be dissolved because they're made of organic materials. The coins will be rusted beyond use. The drugs are too dangerous to be eating.

>>934950
We can wait until she's not drugged to eat her.

Take the clothes and gold, bury or hide the probably illegal sleeping drugs in a place only you will know to look. You'll sneak past curfew no problem; As you've proven in both the forest and the sewers, you're worlds better at sneaking than you are at, well, anything remotely social or cerebral. Even if you do manage to get caught, you can either bribe or eat a (almost certainly corrupt) guard that tries to stop you and probably get away with it since you've technically got nothing illegal on you. That seems unlikely so long as you keep to the alleyways or rooftops though, or try to make your way through the sewers.

>>934934
I’d say close up the shop early & hunker down for the night. Spit out our hiver girl & tie her up and I guess make conversation some more through the hours as we wait for drugs to get out of her system.
Decide if we’re hungry enough to eat her than vs normal killing vs more storing her in our hammerspace vs letting her survive when the time for it comes (strongly in favour of making her a more long-term character)

Actually maybe we can put her to use on the side of good by drugging her back up to cloud 9 & keeping her there after we’re done with extracting info out of the hiver while she’s sober. She can be a malleable tool while she’s drugged and this store & body can be as good a hiding place as any for the time we can set her to any number of simple jobs a least for a little while tommorow. Take all ‘our’ cash to a stash site, send her onher drug dealing rounds but with the addendum that she ask for her buyer’s names & addresses, lots of things.

Personally I think that we at some point should drop our disguise & declaring our righteous existence for purging evil in front of her during the ‘sober’ interrogation at some point. If we kill her after, no biggie, if we go with the drug her plot I suggested she’ll just think she had another trip.

>>934944
>>934945
This seems to be a problem based solely around us lacking in education about Hiver anatomy. I think that it a a problem which requires amending, when we get around to spitting her up for a sober interrogation & possible execution we should go about poking around her body. Strip down the bug, ask about the history & culture of her people & test for chinks in the chiton, bodily features of note, where her sex hole is, areas of sensitivity on her hiver body are, all in the persuit of fucking the brains out of a hive-I mean acquiring scholarly on hands knowlage for future slaying of evil.

>>934958
Still don't think it's a good idea to digest her now or later. We do inherit slight impulses from those we eat - don't want one to be "crippling drug addiction".

>>934966
I doubt a drug-addled criminal will be of any use to us.
I especially doubt she's willing to try to get off the stuff, or able to keep secrets.

Though I am in 100% favor of fucking an insect, I am not interested in this one. Going off what she's told us so far, she barely knows anything more.
We can garner anatomical knowledge from books at the library, most likely - there, we shall learn whether insect has pusspuss or cloaca.
Yes, I am extremely fun at parties.

>>934932
Explore the shop layout, lock the doors, close the shade, flip the little open/closed sign thingie. Spit the hiver out/truss up & prepare on the some kind of setup to keep blood splatters to a minimum. Ideally once sober she’ll put 2&2 together from the setup that she’s on a very thin line between life and death. We do some serious talk & I guess see what her plea case is for us to not murder her. ( Death by overdosing?)

>>934966
Wow, that’s actually even more brutal than what I was going for. I’ll +1 behind some of this as well. Namely the sex anatomy inspection. I doubt that keeping her alive & drugged to do some work for us while high will really take off but I still dig it all the same and kinda hope it happens. This story needs more Hiver.

>>934934
Take some of the money, take some of the clothes, turn off all the lights, lock all the doors and windows, leave the house. Make sure you bring the key with you.

>>934958
>Make sure you get some that are Varkian sized and Serpent shaped, since you've also got Varkian and Serpent forms.
Better include some Hiver shaped clothes for when we eventually get a Hiver form.

>>934966
>(strongly in favour of making her a more long-term character)
With how evil she is, the only way she’ll be a long term character is as another form for Ema to turn into.

>>934975
>We do inherit slight impulses from those we eat
The key word there is slight. We easily got rid of Vivian’s impulses when we turned into her the first time. And when we turned into her in front of Karn, Ema didn’t have any sort of reaction towards Karn that would suggest that those impulses still remained.

I’m thinking that once we turn into someone, those “slight impulses” only stick around for a little bit and then they go away, which would remove any risk of becoming a drug addict.

>>934981
>Explore the shop layout
>flip the little open/closed sign thingie
This isn’t a shop, this is a house. Why do you think it’s a shop?

why is the picture of people we see as food always a chicken leg
i get it for varks but

>>934981
nonconsensual sexual acts are not just

>>934988
Maybe Ema just really likes chicken.

>>935008
It would be consensual if she’s high at the time of inspection. Loophole acquired.

>>935009
That’s not even close to being consensual! That’s taking advantage of someone while they’re unable to think clearly!

Kaktus 2019/06/06(Thu)18:15 No. 935030 ID: 1301e8
File 155987012007.png - (70.39KB , 700x550 , 97.png )

>Why is the picture of people we see as food always a chicken leg.
Because it’s something that’s easy to draw and is instantly recognizable as food even at a gl- you mean, you like chicken?
>It's Karn’s choice. You can't force someone to be good, only convince them to try to change. Stop threatening to eat him, for starters.
It’s indeed Karn’s choice if he wants to change… but if he don’t… well, you can’t let him continue and there’s only one way you can make sure he doesn’t.
>There you go with that word again. At least state their sins when you judge them.
You can’t really smell the specific sins, so you have to find those out some other way. The one thing that the smell tells you is if they’ve bathed themselves in someone’s soul, as in, killed someone.

>He didn't have a diary? Or anything like that? No clues as to who he's dealing with?
He had a diary, but it was filled with entries about makeup and pretty butterflies. Nothing about what he was doing here...
>How long will Tertian stay fresh?
The swords said a day or two before you absorb him no matter if you want to or not. So… he’s fresh until at least tomorrow evening?
>I wonder if his bedroom is soundproof? That would make it an excellent interrogation location. Any way to tell?
You can only guess that it is, but you have no idea what to look for to see if it actually is. This is quite the good place to use as a base, though, as long as no one else comes here regularly.

>Once we're done, vomit up the insect inside the house and give 'er a brand new hole on the neck.
And waste a perfectly good meal? No way. She’s food.
>Spit out our hiver girl & tie her up and I guess make conversation some more through the hours as we wait for drugs to get out of her system.
Hmm… not here. At least, not now. Maybe tomorrow?
>Strip down the bug & test for chinks in the chitin, bodily features of note, where her sex hole is, areas of sensitivity on her hiver body are, all in the pursuit of fucking the brains out of a hive-I mean acquiring scholarly on hands knowledge for future slaying of evil.
That’s… um… you’re pretty sure she wouldn’t actually agree to that and… you’re justice, you’re supposed to protect the innocent by removing the evil in the world. Not fuck it against their will.
>It would be consensual if she’s high at the time of inspection. Loophole acquired.
…that’s not how that works. That’s not how it works at all!
>Actually maybe we can put her to use on the side of good by drugging her back up to cloud 9 & keeping her there after we’re done with extracting info out of the hiver while she’s sober.
Yeah, no, you’re pretty sure keeping her constantly drugged will end badly. An easier way to turn her to the side of good? Absorb her and take her form. After she’s sobered up, of course.

>Still don't think it's a good idea to digest her now or later. We do inherit slight impulses from those we eat - don't want one to be "crippling drug addiction".
You usually only experience them when you’re in the form of the person in question, so if it’s to crippling you’ll simple not use it.
>We easily got rid of Vivian’s impulses when we turned into her the first time. And when we turned into her in front of Karn, Ema didn’t have any sort of reaction towards Karn that would suggest that those impulses still remained.
Well, there was this huge urge to punch Karn in his smug face as well as plowing him like a field in spring. Not sure if that was just you or Vivi, though. Who wouldn’t want to punch a smug male like Karn in the face after all, Ohoho…

>Let's not stay here. There's no telling if those "twins" will show up.
You rather meet those two on your own terms, so let’s get out of here even if it means leaving most of the sweet booty behind.
>Head for Oran to spend the night with him.
Great idea. He’s bound to have somewhere you can sleep! And you know he’s home!
>Maybe you can gobble these things up? I mean, you can do it with the swords, right?
The swords are part of you, thus they can become one with you at will. Otherwise you can only consume living things, you know, like people. Besides, anything organic would still be digested… and the coin would be corroded beyond use. As for the drugs… yeah, no.

>First up, pour out all the drugs.
Into the sink they go! Woo!
>Bury or hide the probably illegal sleeping drugs in a place only you will know to look.
…you guess you can bury it outside in one of the flower beds?
>Just take some of the gold - a decent amount, but not enough to where you jingle like a greedy gold goblin.
You fill all your pockets with sweet, sweet gold! GOLD!
>Grab what you think you need for a breastplate to protect your core. Try to buy one that's small enough to be concealed under your clothes.
There’s definitely enough here for a breastplate, don’t you worry.
> I'm not sure how to handle the clothes, aside from packing them in a suitcase or something.
…or you can just grab one of the boxes, you guess? While you can’t grab everything, one box would be enough, no?
>Make sure you get some that are Varkian sized and Serpent shaped, since you've also got Varkian and Serpent forms.
You make sure to grab at least one pair for each form you already have…
>Better include some Hiver shaped clothes for when we eventually get a Hiver form.
…and another two for your up and coming forms. Oh, and then you add a few extra, just to fill out the box completely.
>Also, we're totally taking that pimpin' wizard hat. +5 to pussy slaying when you wear one of those.
Well, duh.

>Use your Bird guy form, just in case.
Right, beerd form it is! You bet this sweet wizard hat looks awesome on your feathery head!
>Turn off all the lights, lock all the doors and windows, leave the house. Make sure you bring the key with you.
You turn off the few lights that were still on and make sure everything is locked up tight before you take your leave with the key.
>You'll sneak past curfew no problem; As you've proven in both the forest and the sewers, you're worlds better at sneaking than you are at, well, anything remotely social or cerebral.
Sneaking around someone is way easier then navigating the mine field that is social interaction, okay? Anyway, you’re off towards Oran’s for the night, with a ton of gold, a box full of clothes and a belly full of girl! This mission was a huge success!

Kaktus 2019/06/06(Thu)18:15 No. 935031 ID: 1301e8
File 155987012969.png - (82.75KB , 700x550 , 98.png )

You’re sure Oran will have a sofa or something for you to sleep on, as you’re not really in the mood to sleep in one of those bath tubs Serpents sleeps in.

End of thread stats:

Kills: 10
Items: 4
Secrets: 0
Consumed: 4

Allies: 6
Enemies: 134
Forms: 5

Cheeses: 2
Grains of Dust: still 0
Mating Presses: 2

Hardest fight: Terroza’s fat ass.

Current rating: B. (As in, you went balls deep into Alisa.)

Tips: Make sure to eat all the sinners, friends or foe. The more you feed the more powerful you’ll become and more food will become available to be consumed.

>Tips: Make sure to eat all the sinners, friends or foe. The more you feed the more powerful you’ll become and more food will become available to be consumed.
Evil Kaktus! Stop that!

Also, 134 enemies?! Really? How come?

>>935030
>Ema is good at sneaking
I thought we picked the warrior archetype? Oh well.

>>935031
Oh dear that's a lot of enemies.

>>935031
>Hardest fight: Terroza’s fat ass.
She wasn’t fat, she was all muscle! Though, I guess when we turn into her we can check for ourselves.

>Tips: Make sure to eat all the sinners, friends or foe. The more you feed the more powerful you’ll become and more food will become available to be consumed.
Friends are not food!

>>935032
Word is most likely spreading. We've been mostly very careful, but making high profile targets like vivian and terroza vanish into thin air doesn't mean no one's gonna notice their sudden absence from reality.

Kaktus 2019/06/07(Fri)12:56 No. 935055 ID: 1301e8
File 155993739908.jpg - (305.88KB , 1920x1080 , Welcome to Egypt.jpg )

>I thought we picked the warrior archetype? Oh well.
Cracking heads is even easier than sneaking.
>She wasn’t fat, she was all muscle!
Oh, she likes to say that, didn’t she?
>Friends are not food!
Friend and food is basically the same word, if you disregard the middle part!
>Also, 134 enemies?! Really? How come?
Who cares! More food!

-----------------------------------

Last time on Polnareff Peculiar Pursuit…

Your mother was hamster and your father smell of elderberries!
*GASP* How dare you insult my hamster! Have at thee, you elderly milkmaid!
Milkmaid? How appropriate, because you fight like a COW! Hon hon hon!
His insults are too strong, Mr. Joestar! We have no choice but to retreat!
To the sea! Only a mitey pirate can teach us how to defend against such insults!
Yare yare daze…

---------

-and that proves once and for all that COMMUNISM is the superior ideology when it comes to the amount of booty calls per capital.
OH NO! BASIC LOGIC! MY AND ‘MERICAN ONE WEAKNESS! CURSE YOU!
Something that’s more powerful than SCIENCE!? I did nazi that coming! I admit defeat.
…nothing of what you just said made any sense, Mr. Kakyoin.
Shhh, not so loud.
Yare yare daze…

--------

My name is Polnareff. You killed my sister. Prepare to die!
Silly Polnareff, guns don’t kill people, violent video games does!
…wait, didn’t we already do this joke last ti-
The only way to stop this wave of violence is to introduce more gambling! By adding loot boxes to every game and forcing all the children to become heavily in debt gambling addicts can we make ‘merica somewhat decent again!
…you don’t want them to have any money so they can’t buy weapons?
What? NO! It’s our AMERICAN RIGHT to have guns! As president, I promise that there will be a loot box in every game and two guns in every newborn hand! Only by giving toddler gun can we fight gun violence! Vote Hol Horse in the 1989 election!
Sacre bleu! You’re a worse monster than I thought! Die monster, you don’t belong in this wo- wait, you don’t left hands! That means you didn’t kill my sister! Pardon, but it seems like I’ve mistaken you for someone else.
Don’t mention it, it happens all the time. Good luck with murdering someone in cold blood… like a real ‘merican!
Adieu.

-------

We’re finally here, Mr. Joestar. In Egypt.
Ah, to finally reach our destination after such a long and dangerous journey. Why, to just think back to the many perils we conquered on the way here…

Kaktus 2019/06/07(Fri)12:56 No. 935056 ID: 1301e8
File 155993741197.jpg - (119.47KB , 1280x720 , Just another plane.jpg )

This is your captain speaking. We are currently leaving Japan airspace in will be arriving in Egypt, Cairo in 16 hours. Today’s movie will be… The Last Airbender: The movie on and endless loop. Please have a pleasant flight.
OH MY GAAAD! This is the end of us!
My only regret is not banging everyone’s mom!
Stay strong. We can make it if we work together.
I love that movie.
Peanuts? Where are the croissants? You wound my honor with this insolence!

Kaktus 2019/06/07(Fri)12:57 No. 935057 ID: 1301e8
File 155993742494.jpg - (94.29KB , 1200x630 , Dio's EVIL lair.jpg )

Perils? We sat on a plane for 16 hours and absolutely nothing happened.
Nothing happened? We almost lost Jotaro to those dastardly peanuts!
I didn’t even know he was allergic to peanuts.
I’m not. I just ate a few to many too fast.
But none of that matters, as we have finally arrived at DIO’s dastardly LAIR! BEHOLD!
…
…
… Yare yare daze…
That’s a McDonalds?
Mr. Joestar, are you sure this is-
Of course I’m sure! Have you ever seen such an evil place ever before!? It’s clearly been corrupted by DIO’s very presence!

Now, we’ll need a plan. You can’t simply walk into a McDonalds and-
Times up. Let’s do this! Hon Hon Hon!
OLLLYYY SHEEET! Polnareff just went in! Quick, come up with a plan before DIO kills us all with his awesome powers!!

>>935057
Okay the best way to fight against an enemy stand is to figure out what its power is and then counter it.
So let's watch Polnareff get his ass handed to him, and use that information to figure out how to fight DIO.
If he starts fighting someone who isn't DIO just pile in there and help.

The amount of references you managed to pull out of your ass is incredible. I am actually dumbfounded. Do it again. Please.

>>935057
Buy a shit ton of garlic.

>>935057
Cease with your vile Chinese cartoon antics.
I won't allow this on my good Christian website.

Kaktus 2019/06/08(Sat)14:51 No. 935183 ID: 1301e8
File 156003067758.png - (0.97MB , 914x852 , KFB.png )

>Buy a shit ton of garlic.
GREAT IDEA! Wait… I have an even better idea! Quick, Kakyoin, go and buy all the garlic bread you can find!
…why garlic bread, Mr. Joestar.
Because it’s delicious! Not even a master vampire like DIO can resist the urge to eat garlic bread!
And you’re sending me because…
So that you’ll be conveniently gone at the start of the fight with DIO. That way, when everything looks lost, you can come to the rescue… and then get horribly murdered.
Wait, what was that last part?
RUN, KAKYOIN, RUN! We need that garlic bread!

>Okay the best way to fight against an enemy stand is to figure out what its power is and then counter it.
But Mr. Joestar, the only way to figure out his stand power is to see it in action.
Exactly!
…don’t tell me we’re going to let Polnareff get his ass handed to him just to get some information?
Why do we care what happens to him? It’s Polnareff!
Besides, if anyone would survive a fight with DIO it would be Polnareff. You know how brave those Frenchmen are and how they can never surrender! I bet he would survive even something like getting all his limbs chopped off before being thrown from a cliff into the sea… though he’d probably need to possess a stand using turtle or something after that…
That does make sense… except for the turtle part, at least. Now, what’s he doing? Is he still in good shape?
He’s… eating?

Om nom nom! At least I got chicken!
What’s going on? Why haven’t DIO or one of his underlings attacked him yet?
A better question is where did you get those chicken wings? These is a McDonalds, not a KFC.
MAGICAN RED!? NOOO!!! HE’S EATING HIM! HE’S EATING MY STAND!
And then his going to eat me! OH MAH GAAAAAD!!!
What? No, he… what?
Spicy!
But where is D-

Kaktus 2019/06/08(Sat)14:51 No. 935184 ID: 1301e8
File 156003068932.png - (974.90KB , 914x852 , KFDIO.png )

You expected the first chicken wing to be spicy? TO BAD! IT WAS ME, DIO!
*GASP* DIO! HE WAS THE FRIED CHICKEN ALL ALONG!
…what.
…how?
…did I just… eat… what?
…what.
This doesn’t even…
No, seriously… what.

Kaktus 2019/06/08(Sat)14:51 No. 935185 ID: 1301e8
File 156003070468.jpg - (161.52KB , 1280x720 , Vanilla ICE.jpg )

DIO! What dastardly plan do you have in store for us!?
And why are you in a McDonalds?
…Because I, DIO, work here?
…an all-powerful vampire works… at a McDonalds?
Even an immortal vampire needs to earn his bread after all. Do you know how expensive bread crumbs are? Trust me, I, DIO, have counted every one.

I, DIO, is wondering what do you three wish to order? Our tasty burgers will ANNIHILATE your taste buds!
WATCH OUT! HE GOT KNIVES!
You’ll need a knife if you want to DECIMATE our fine burgers. Now, how about I, DIO, put on some of my favorite music and-
WATCH OUT! HE GOT A CD OF VANILLA ICE!
The only thing you need to watch out from these sweet tunes is how they will ASSASINATE your ear drums! Trust me, I, DIO, got only good intentions with-
WATCH OUT! HE GOT GOOD INTENTIONS!
*Sigh* I, DIO, would EXTERMINATE for a better job right now…

Avdol, quick, attack him before he can put that cd on! We have no protection something so… so… WHITE!
How!? Polnareff ate my fucking stand!
Yeah, about that… aren’t you supposed to be dead because of-
NO TIME FOR THAT! Quick, Avdol, act like my stand!
…what?
I will control you! Like Pokemon battle! Quick! Attack!
…if that is your wish, Mr. Joestar.
Avdol, use… let’s see…

Choose an attack for Avdol.
A) Self-destruct.
B) Explosion.
C) Final Gambit.
D) High Jump Kick.

WHAT THE FUCK IS MY MOVE SET!? I don’t want to do any of those!
You know, I would consider this quite rude. I only wanted to offer you gents a glass of fine Chianti with some of my favorite music and you’re already trying to EXTIRPATE me. Quite rude indeed.
Yare yare daze…

You fools! You are in a Mcdonalds and he works there! You must ask for the mystical.. Hot Coffee.. Even DIO cannot deal with the power of Lawyers!

DIO, if you trully work here, then you must know... is the ice cream machine, BROKEN?!

>>935185
If he works here, then you must invoke the name of McDonald's greatest rival! That's right, you must call upon the Burger King!

Kaktus 2019/06/20(Thu)15:44 No. 936579 ID: 1301e8
File 156107067301.jpg - (479.85KB , 1280x720 , Isummonthee.jpg )

>You fools! You are in a Mcdonalds and he works there! You must ask for the mystical… Hot Coffee… Even DIO cannot deal with the power of Lawyers!
I, DIO, will serve you a cup of coffee that will ERADICATE YOU…r taste buds. Here we go.
HAH! You fell right in my trap! Now I’ll simply spill this in my… lap… wait, what does this say? “Caution: Contents VERY HOT & VERY DELICIOUS! This small label makes McDonalds and DIO completely immune to lawsuits.”!? What in the world!?
Haha! I, DIO, have already seen through your pathetic attempts to harm me! It’s useless! MUDA MUDA Mu…eh, you get the idea…
But… it was such a perfect…
Also, you forgot to pick up the optional lawyer PC in the first chapter.
Curses!
…at least I don’t have to do one of those suicide moves…

>DIO, if you truly work here, then you must know... is the ice cream machine, BROKEN?!
…no, it’s fully functional.
HA! Then you’ll… wait, what?
Also, that’s a bit of a myth. The machine isn’t usually broken, they are usually just being cleaned and maintained, which takes over 4 hours at the best of times.
But… that means…
I, DIO, simply never CLEAN OUR ICE CREAM MACHINE!
YOU MONSTER! How dare you serve bad McFlurries!?
…this is a fast-food restaurant so… yes?
He got a point. Also, one McFlurry please.
I, DIO, will be very happy to serve you that in a moment.
…after all, I really like being alive… really, really like being alive…

>If he works here, then you must invoke the name of McDonald's greatest rival! That's right, you must call upon the Burger King!
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Burger King R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.
What are you doing, you fool! You’re calling upon powers far beyond anything a mortal is meant to control!
I am simply calling upon the King! Do not worry, I will be in charge of it!
Trifling American! Your arrogance will be your undoing!
… … …so, is something supposed to happen? This is kind of an anticlimax…
Yare yare daze…
Any second now…
YOU FOOL! You are in the heart of nest of its greatest rival! THE ONE WHO CANNOT BE NAMED HAS NO POWER HERE!
I’m pretty sure I can see a burger king from here, actually…

Kaktus 2019/06/20(Thu)15:44 No. 936580 ID: 1301e8
File 156107068448.jpg - (78.23KB , 1280x720 , ThisIsYourBrain.jpg )

BUT ENOUGH OF THESE PATHETIC DISTRACTIONS! IT’S TIME FOR ME, DIO, to show my hospitality to my guests! I’ll buy you all a McFlurry while we listen to my favorite song from Vanilla ICE. Let me just put this into the cd player and…
WHAT!? NO! STO-

*Click*
Yo, VIP, let’s kick it!

Kaktus 2019/06/20(Thu)15:44 No. 936581 ID: 1301e8
File 156107069490.jpg - (5.88KB , 299x168 , OnVanillaIce.jpg )

GAAHH!! GRGRLGRUGLE FLESHTRUMBONE EGUH!
*Implosion sound!*
Ice ice baby!

AVDOL! NOOO!!
Ice Ice baby!
WHAT HAPPENED!? He just exploded!?
All right stop.
…it… it was just too much! Vanilla ICE is so white that Avdol simply ceased to exist!
Collaborate and listen.
I, DIO, must apologize for the inconvenience.
Ice is back with my brand new invention.
I did not mean for your friend to be out whited from existence.
Something that grabs a hold of me tightly.

Eh, don’t worry. At least he died on the sacred grounds of his people.
Then I flow that a harpoon daily and nightly.
…in a McDonalds?
Will it ever stop?
Yes.
Yo, I don't know.
…I, DIO, is an ancient psychopath vampire mass murderer and even I think what you just say is fucked up. You should be ashamed of yours-

Kaktus 2019/06/20(Thu)15:45 No. 936582 ID: 1301e8
File 156107070481.jpg - (72.70KB , 1280x720 , HaveItYourWay.jpg )

*Knife in throat sound.mp3*
Grlk!?
Turn off the lights and I'll glow.
NOT AVDOL! NOOO!!
To the extreme, I rock a- wait, is anyone actually reading these lyrics anymore?
I am the dead?
I’m pretty sure I can say whatever I want here and no one would notice.
Who threw that knife!? Where did it come from!?
Avdol death was an inside job!
Oh no… I, DIO, sense a dark, evil presence with us! A being from beyond the veil, a horror so terrifying that even to gaze upon it will drive you mad! The monster in your nightmare, the mother of a thousand screaming young, the endless one that is prophesied to consume all creation!
Kaktus is a dork.

Kaktus 2019/06/20(Thu)15:45 No. 936583 ID: 1301e8
File 156107071251.jpg - (478.81KB , 765x628 , HeComes.jpg )

IT IS THE BURGER KING, EATER OF FRIES!
Yo, this is some messed up shit.
The what in the what now?
That’s it, I’m done here. ICE, OUT!
Everyone, stand very still. It hunts by sight! As long as we, DIO AND GANG, stands still, we will be fine!
But he has a pair of burgers…
It’s a trap! Don’t fall for its evil-

Kaktus 2019/06/20(Thu)15:45 No. 936584 ID: 1301e8
File 156107072198.png - (741.85KB , 754x894 , YOUCANNOTRUN.png )

I’m going for it! Cover my back!
French man I don’t know the name of, NOOO!!!
HORY SHEEET!
*Cough* That’s my grandson… *Cough*
IT’S COMING RIGHT FOR US! RUN!
BUT BURGERS!?


https://youtu.be/cPCLFtxpadE?t=40
To be continued?
Watch the thrilling conclusion next time on… DIO AND THE GAND MYSTERY HOUR!

>I, DIO
Someone’s been watching antfish’s jojo abridged.

>>936582
>wait, is anyone actually reading these lyrics anymore?
Yes.

>I’m pretty sure I can say whatever I want here and no one would notice.
Nope, we’ll notice.

>Kaktus is a dork.
Yes, they are.

> I’m pretty sure I can say whatever I want here and no one would notice.
Think again asshole!

>Kaktus is a dork.
Agreed.

I wish i could post a image here, related to the song for >>936584, but last time i did that, i got ban.

Oh wait, i can just do this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9EjTAgiswM