A night of drinking alone.

You get pick the next game, Shade Sprinter 5077 or Ace Elite.

You have won two words: Monster. Cock.

How about, the prize is she gets to pick where we go to dinner? Or what we do next in general? Or maybe a massage? Full body massage...?

>>875154
We have dinner plans with Qarka already.

>>875174
Yeah, let’s check and see how much time we have left before we have to go over there.

Kaktus 2018/03/24(Sat)11:20 No. 875262 ID: 65a774
File 152191565282.png - (50.61KB , 700x550 , 106.png )

>We have dinner plans with Qarka already.
You do indeed have plans with Qarka today… but seeing as the days here are 30 hours long…
>Yeah, let’s check and see how much time we have left before we have to go over there.
The dinner wasn’t until 20 hours, so you still have plenty of time. It’s only 13 hours right now and you got time with the virtual machine until 14 hours, which means you’ll still have 6 full hours after this before your dinner date. Of course, you’ll probably need an hour to get ready… and maybe another 2 to nap… but that still leaves 3 hours?

>How about... a night drinking alone?
”Was my backstabbing really that bad, Vic?”
>Why, Xi, you broke my very heart with your ill deeds and besmirched my paladin honor as-
”I get it, I get it, no need to get overly sappy, dork. Also, I’m pretty sure you were a cleric?”
>Potayto, Tomahto…
“Hymenoptera, Coleoptera… but how about this, big guy, if you drop the grudge I promise you I’ll make it up to you?”
>I can accept that.
“Sweet.”

>You get pick the next game, Shade Sprinter 5077 or Ace Elite.
“Didn’t we already agree on Ace Elite?”
>Oh, right…

>You have won two words: Monster. Cock.
“…Dammit, Vic, can you stop with the sex talk. It’s getting a bit annoying.”
>Sorry.
“Besides, we both now we’re going to fuck like feral insects after this anyway, so…”
>Err…
“Don’t give me that look. You’ve already sent me nudes and booped my face with your… ‘Monster. COCK.’ So it’s only fair you get to see some abdomen action as well, right?”
>I-I g-guess?
“Also, if I don’t get a chance to sample that beast I’m going to be so cross with you.”

>You win three wishes. As long as they're in my power to grant and conform to the rules of genie wishes.
“Three wishes you say? Why, now that is a deal. Wait, what are the rules of the genie?”
>No wishes for more wishes, I can’t kill anyone and I can’t make anyone fall in love with you… of course, two of those rules don’t really fit so… how about, no wishes for more wishes, only wishes that involves me somehow and… your wishes must rhyme!
“Rhyme? Really? You really are a dork, big guy!”
>And you love me for it.
“Well, I’m a huge fucking dork myself so…”
>So, what is your first wish, my cute little ladybug?
“Oh, the possibilities are endless… but… I think I already have three wishes…”
>Which are.
“Let’s start small… how about a kiss?”
>A kiss?
“I wish for a kiss, to bring me bliss.”

>>875262
"Saliva wasn't one of the things that can make each other sick, right?"

If not, give the lady her wish.

>>875262
Err, better ask how kisses work for her usually. You've got different mouthparts.
If it's pretty much what you'd expect then make out with that bug. Exploration-like!

You're lucky that rhyme makes it through the translator. Otherwise we could be here all night.

>>875262
“Right now while we’re in the game or later in the real world?”

>>875264
The death screen is still behind Xi, meaning we’re still in the game. So I’m pretty sure we don’t have to worry about that here in the virtual world.

sweep her off her feet and use lots of tongue. mind her flagellum thingies.

Kaktus 2018/03/24(Sat)17:12 No. 875294 ID: 65a774
File 152193675727.png - (17.58KB , 700x550 , 107.png )

>Saliva wasn't one of the things that can make each other sick, right?
You’re pretty sure Saliva was fine. Besides, you’re still in the virtual world right now anyway.

>You're lucky that rhyme makes it through the translator. Otherwise we could be here all night.
“Wait, what rh- I mean, yeah, sure, very lucky.”
>…you didn’t actually rhyme, did you?
“…no… I just assumed it wouldn’t get through the translator anyway so… um… so yeah…”
>So, right now while we’re in the game or later in the real world?
“Why choose one when we can do both?”
>Err, so how do kisses work for you usually? We got different mouthparts after all.
“Well… mouth to mouth, tongues intertwined while our… um… mandibles massages… I think we can skip that part?”
>So… experimentation?
“That’s probably what we’ll need to do, yeah…”

>Sweep her off her feet and use lots of tongue. Mind her flagellum thingies.
She lets out a cute skittering sound as you grab her and lift her light frame up from the floor. Embracing her completely, you guide her head towards yours, her mandibles already opening up to “kiss” you. With her mandibles biting down on each of your cheeks, she starts to suck slightly on your jaw and as you part your lips to free your tongue, it is greeted by her own.

…when you were thinking about kisses, this is not the sensation you pictured… but it’s not bad… not bad at all.

Kaktus 2018/03/24(Sat)17:12 No. 875295 ID: 65a774
File 152193677458.png - (39.22KB , 700x550 , OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT.png )

As you disengage from your kiss, you WHAT THE FU-

You expected Xi be your first kiss with an insect? TO BAD! IT WAS ME, DIO!

>…what.

Kaktus 2018/03/24(Sat)17:13 No. 875296 ID: 65a774
File 152193678431.jpg - (201.39KB , 1366x706 , OHMYGAWD.jpg )

OH MAH GAAWWD!
What is wrong, Mr. Joestar?
It’s terrible, Mohamed! Dio, that sexy son of a bitch, has taken over the quest!
…my name is Avdol, not-
Quick! We must form a party of five super buff men to stop him! …and maybe grab an ugly ass dog later as well. It’s the only way!
…and where are we supposed to find these buff men, Mr. Joestar?
Why, we can find one right here in town! My own grandson, Jotaro, will make a perfect addition to our team!
…the same grandson that is currently in prison for life?
I told him to not download those MP3’s but did he listen? But this is just a small bump in the road for us! We simply need a plan to get him out!
*Sigh* Of course we do, Mr. Joestar.
Now, how do we break him out? We’ll need a cunning plan…

I heard that there's a pretty good lawyer in town, goes by Phoenix Wright. You should give him a call.

use your stands idiot

This is fantastic, can this be the next game?

This must be the work of an enemy stand

Bad Kome, give Kaktus his quest back right now!

「Ｂａｄ Ｋｏｍｅ」

Kaktus 2018/03/25(Sun)09:09 No. 875389 ID: 65a774
File 152199417221.png - (476.34KB , 1031x734 , FuckThePolice.png )

Well, Mr. Joestar, I do know of this lawyer called Phoenix Wright that lives nearby…
Lawyer? What is his stand? What’s his abilities?
His stand is called “Justice for all” which has the ability to object-
HOLD IT! That’s neither a colored Tarot card nor a music reference! What kind of fake is this lawyer!?
Err… either way, Mr. Joestar, I’m sure he can free your grandson within three days.
Three days!? We don’t have that kind of time! No, come up with a better plan!

Hmm… what if this is the work of an enemy stand?
Of course it is! That’s why we need to defeat Dio as soon as we can!
No, I meant the imprisonment part.
Oh… no, my grandson just a pirate.
…what if we use our stands?
Brilliant idea! Whip out your huge flaming cock and we can use it and my tentacles to pound those cops from both sides until they blow!
… … …by flaming cock you mean my Magician red, correct?
Of course I do! What else would I refer to!? Now let’s go!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
OH GODS, PLEASE SPARE US!
Feel the wrath of my stand, FIST!
…you mean Hermit-
FIST!!!
Why are you attacking us!? You’re free to go get your grandson whenever you want to.
But wasn’t he sentenced to life for pirating?
Bah, who cares! He didn’t download any violent video games, after all! Just state your name and profession and we’ll release him for you.

I am Joseph Joestar, professional Indiana jones impersonator and this is Mohamed-
My name is Avdol.
Mohamed Avdol-
Actually, my first name is Mu-
AND HE IS A TERRORIST!
…what.
A terrorist, eh? You don’t happen to have a... pair of nail clippers, do you?
…no?
Good! Do you know what kind of damage a TERRORIST can do with those? How about a gun?
NO!
What!? No gun!? What kind of American are you!? Here, you can have one of mine!
America? But this is Japan?
Japan is the fifty eight state of America after we conquered it at the end of world war 2 when we single handedly defeated liberal Hitler and his political correct Nazis! Those fuckers tried to force us to give the Jews rights! What kind of monster would do that!?
… … …what have you been smoking and where can I get some?
Why, I’ll show you. Right this way, Mr. Terrorist.

Kaktus 2018/03/25(Sun)09:09 No. 875390 ID: 65a774
File 152199418318.png - (529.74KB , 900x460 , 「MENACING」.png )

Here we go. This here is Mr. Jotaro. Don’t mind his death glare, he does it to everyone.

「MENACING」

Whoa… why is there, like, letter floating around in the air, dude?
I hate to say it, but I think you’ve smoked enough for now.
Don’t be a buzz kill, man.
Give me that joint.
Aw…

[Avdol won’t, like, remember this man.]

Kaktus 2018/03/25(Sun)09:09 No. 875391 ID: 65a774
File 152199419360.png - (488.96KB , 1150x659 , PERSONA.png )

It’s time to go home, grandson.
Grandson? Who are you old man? What are you doing here?
I am your grandfather, Joseph Joestar, and I’m here to enlist your aid in taking down an old, sexy enemy of our family, DIO!
…our family enemy is god?
No, I am talking about Dio, the ageless vampire who has stolen your great great grandfathers body to use as his own. Now, he wishes nothing but to total destruction of the Joestar bloodline… and the way he’ll achieve this goal is… by taking control of this quest and turning it into a bad Stardust Crusaders parody.
… … …you’re clearly completely mad, old man. And probably dangerous as well. Good thing I got this to protect myself with!
What? Why does he have a gun!?
Because we gave him one, duh.
Why did you give a convict a gun!? Aren’t you afraid he’ll kill someone!?
Guns don’t kill people, violent video games does!
Dude… what.

This isn’t a gun! It’s the tool I use to summon my PERSONA!
That’s a gun, Jotaro, not one of those-
PERSO-

Kaktus 2018/03/25(Sun)09:10 No. 875392 ID: 65a774
File 152199420489.png - (1.02MB , 1384x732 , Bang.png )

*BANG!*

…
…
…
…
…well, he’s dead. Let’s go, Mohamed.
He is, like, still twitching, Mr. Joestar.
…well, he’s dying. Let’s g-
Dude, can’t we… I don’t know… try and save him, man?
Fine… we’ll try to save him… got any ideas how, Mr. high as a kite.
Pretty butterflies…
Of course not…

I feel compelled to mention that may be your most hilarious ending non-sequitur yet.

>>875392
CPR!

>>875392
Kill Death

I think it's time to take off your VR headset and complain that someone just hijacked your game.

Kaktus 2018/03/26(Mon)09:28 No. 875495 ID: 65a774
File 152208172009.jpg - (39.85KB , 500x300 , Lali-ho.jpg )

>CPR!
For a bullet wound? What do you think this is? Trilby’s notes?
>I think it's time to take off your VR headset and complain that someone just hijacked your game.
This is the real world, Neo.
>Kill Death!
Now that sounds like a plan! Mohamed, do it!
Of course Mr. John Starr…

-----------

Lali-ho!

Lali-ho.

Lali-hoooo…

Lali-hoooooooow bored I am… I wish something would happen…

…

Lali-

Kaktus 2018/03/26(Mon)09:28 No. 875496 ID: 65a774
File 152208173013.jpg - (66.83KB , 500x281 , CHICKEN.jpg )

Go giant fire chicken! Use flame thrower!
Buk buk BUKWAAAK!
-Ho?

Kaktus 2018/03/26(Mon)09:29 No. 875497 ID: 65a774
File 152208174284.jpg - (79.00KB , 575x360 , AWYEAH.jpg )

It is done, Mr. Joestar.
Yes, I can see that. He’s waking up.

…what just happened?
We just saved you after you shot yourself in the head, son.
Mr. Joestar, I don’t think this kid has it in him if he was beaten that easy.
Beaten easy? Really? Star Platinum!
UGH!! *BREAK BARS!*
Hmm… your stand is indeed strong… but will it be enough?
Yare yare daze…
UGH!! *FLEX!*
Mohamed, test him.
It’s Avdol, but very well. I challenge you to a battle, chose your Pokémon!
Wha-

Kaktus 2018/03/26(Mon)09:30 No. 875500 ID: 65a774
File 152208181399.png - (136.47KB , 492x501 , ORAORAORA.png )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Jmty_NiaXc

Blaziken I- I mean Magician’s Red, I chose you!
Buk buk BUKWAAAK!
…star platinum, I chose you?
UGH!!!

Magician’s Red, use scorch!
Star Platinum, counter with… um...

>ORA!
>ORA ORA!
>yare yare daze…
>ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ETC…

Run.

Throw a master ball

>>875500
ORA!

Wait, couldn't Avdol have forced Death to kill Dio instead of killing Death so Jotaro wouldn't die? Hell, Wouldn't it be impossible to defeat Dio now considering Death is dead? Nice going Avdol, you fucked it up.

But onto the situation at hand, for our counter that last one sounds like a perfect idea.

Am I the only one reading this in Antfish's JJBATAS voices?

>>875507
>for our counter that last one sounds like a perfect idea.
Yes, let’s use that one.

>Am I the only one reading this in Antfish's JJBATAS voices?
I’m doing that too. So, no, you’re not the only one.

Hey polnareff why does your roast chicken keep yelling about Bukkake?

I'm reading Josephs' voice in vargskelethor grump old man voice. jotaro kujo we need to defeat dio fuck off we need to go to egypt

>>875507
I doubt it, mean Dio is a vampire, so death probably holds no sway over him. I mean look at literally any Castlevania game.

Also, you don't want to use a Hot-Blooded type move on Magicians Red so use "yare yare daze…" instead.

>>875587

I'm guessing you haven't watched Jojo. Vampires in Jojo can die.

Though you could be right considering how Death itself was easily killed by a fire chicken.

By the way I just remembered, there was a metallica album called "...And Justice for All."

Kaktus 2018/03/28(Wed)06:00 No. 875671 ID: 65a774
File 152224202011.jpg - (116.46KB , 946x528 , ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA.jpg )

>Am I the only one reading this in Antfish's JJBATAS voices?
Shh, don’t let people in on where I stole all these jokes I got the inspiration from.

>Run.
You cannot run from this high-class bout! A brawl is surely brewing! IT’S ON!
>For our counter that last one sounds like a perfect idea.
Star Platinum, quick, counter with ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA-
...this is going to take a while, won’t it?
- ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA-

>Hey polnareff.
Huh? Bonereff? Who the fuck is Bonereff?
Sounds like a cowardly, cheese eating Guile impersonator.
- ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA-
>Why does your roast chicken keep yelling about Bukkake?
Because it makes my COCK HARD!
… … …you mean your stand, Magician Red, right?
… *Wry smile* No.
- ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA-

>By the way I just remembered, there was a Metallica album called "...And Justice for All."
Oh yeah, you’re right… maybe we should recruit the lawyer as well then… Nah, too late for that now.
- ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ora ora ora ora ora ora-
>Wait, couldn't Avdol have forced Death to kill Dio instead of killing Death so Jotaro wouldn't die?
I am pretty sure Death 13 was already under Dio’s employ, making Dio even more powerful than DEATH ITSELF!
HOORYYY SHEEET! Is this actually a Castlevania game!?
- ora ora ora ora ora ora… ora… or… a… o… o… *GASP!* ORA ORA ORA-
>Hell, Wouldn't it be impossible to defeat Dio now considering Death is dead? Nice going Avdol, you fucked it up.
Weren’t we just going to throw him in a casket and drop him into the sea or something? I mean, he only stole a quest, no need to kill him for that…
- ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!

UGH! ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA-
Hmm? How can your Stand still stand after a barrage like that!?
No matter how hard you pound it, no matter how many times it unleashes its fiery load, my mighty cock will still stand!
-ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA-
Buk buk?
The more you work it over, the harder it will become!
-ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!
Buk!
Do you not see, Mr. Jotaro, you Stand type doesn’t stand a chance against me!
You used a fighting move against a fighting Pokémon, you fucking idiot!
Also that.
Yare yare daze…

>Throw a master ball.
Now, where did I put that master ball!?
Do you honestly believe massaging the balls will make my Cock go down faster?
…we are still talking about the fight, correct?
… … …maybe?~

Kaktus 2018/03/28(Wed)06:01 No. 875672 ID: 65a774
File 152224206616.jpg - (157.21KB , 613x700 , AnkhAnkhAnkha.jpg )

But enough play! Let me show you the true power of my COCK!
Please… don’t…
Magician’s Red! Throw a bunch of Ankh’s at him!
…what?
ANKHS!!!
Buk Buk… BUKKAKE!
Aw yeah, that hit the spot…

「SUPER EFFECTIVE!」

Ugh!?
[Star Platinum have fainted!]
Yare yare daze… it seems like I lost.
You are powerful, but you have yet much to learn, grandson.
He might be useful in our travels if he get a bit more experience.
So, are we done here or-

Not so fast!
Oh for…
One of Dio’s minions are attacking! Quick, Avdol, grab the COCK!
Of course Mr. Joestar.
OH! That… that wasn’t what I meant but… go on…

Kaktus 2018/03/28(Wed)06:01 No. 875673 ID: 65a774
File 152224207761.png - (354.74KB , 330x499 , Number1MilfHunter.png )

Kakyoin? Are you one of Dio’s minions now?
What? No! I’m just here for those 1000 yen you owe me.
Oh, that… right, I got-
AND THUS WE HAVE TO FIGHT TO THE DEATH!
…or I can just repay you?
Oh… oh, right… but I wanted a fight…
To bad?

Then how about this! I FUCKED YE MUM!
… … …and?
…what do you mean and? You’re supposed to be mad!
…I don’t really care about that bitch? I mean, I bet her very soul on a game of cards once. On a bluff, I might add.
Well… err… then…
I’m not going to fight you, Kakyoin.
…then I’ll simply have to prove my might by fighting someone else!
Yare yare daze…
HEY OLD MAN! I FUCKED YOUR DAUG- WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING!?

Kaktus 2018/03/28(Wed)06:01 No. 875674 ID: 65a774
File 152224208815.jpg - (191.00KB , 955x774 , MagicianBlowing.jpg )

…
…
…*cough*
…
…
…it’s not what it looks like?

It isn’t? Then I’m dying to hear your explanation.
Well, you see...

Kaktus 2018/03/28(Wed)06:01 No. 875675 ID: 65a774
File 152224210007.png - (717.82KB , 955x774 , TheEndQuestionMark.png )

https://youtu.be/-Tdu4uKSZ3M?t=40

AW COME ON!
…
Say yare one more time and I’ll punch you!

Well, that was a strange undertaking, a bit of an unusual encounter if you would.

> Weren’t we just going to throw him in a casket and drop him into the sea or something? I mean, he only stole a quest, no need to kill him for that…

Well I mean that didn't work the first time considering he escaped, but I guess so.

But you should know he fucked your mom.

so this no attempt will be made to reclaim this thread