Shit's about to get real...

Hello, self.

Please review the agenda for this day/night cycle.

Muschio 2009/07/17(Fri)23:14 No. 7951 ID: c01408
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Our concern now is for the present, and immediate future. With the conquest of Red Fang's Den, I have acquired a base of operations from which to control my future plays and gambits.

It's going to need some cleaning up and some remodeling, of course, until it better suits my intentions. It may be small now, but in time, I am determined to make this into a formidable dungeon fortress.

The destruction of the Monster Portal, however unavoidable, is certainly a setback. Without a working Portal, I'll be lacking monstrous minions of any considerable caliber.
However, I'll still be able to utilize hirelings and your more standard-variety servants. It should be all right, for a start.

I must rebuild the Portal, I must expand, I must make moves for power, I must begin developing an army, and I must begin fortifying and defending this dungeon as well as maintaining it.

So much to do, so little time.

What shall we do?

>>7951

Use some of your gold to hire some mercenaries to guard your fortress while you get to work on cleaning the place up.

>>7951
Hi Boss! Me and the voices have been talking, and... well, you pretty much covered everything.
I guess that's why you're the boss, Boss.
We all pretty much agree that the first thing you should do is get some minions. I mean, resetting traps? Manual labor? Cleaning? That's grunt work, boss! We gotta hire some mooks, and quick.

Preferably before any wouldbe adventurers show up. I mean, we thought to come here. It's only a matter of time before some 'hero' shows up, too, right?

I'm sure the other voices will have some ideas for how to go about it, but for now, I really think we should find some lackeys. Everything else comes second, boss!

What is the nearest source of manpower? Do we have the ability to rebuild the Portal ourselves, or do we need to contract? How much time will this take?

Is there some way we could feign an altruistic or at least non-villainous motivation for repairing the monster portal? Pretending to have no ill intent will be to our benefit until this current period of vulnerability passes.

Minions! Every bad-guy boss-man has minions. Since we destroyed the monster portal, Let's look into repairing it.

What do we know about monster portals and their workings? If we don't know enough to go on, do we at least know of some place that we could find some more information on them?

Might want to publicize that this dungeon has been cleared out, so we do not have some random adventurer show up *tomorrow* when it is just you, some rotting corpses, and a bloody spear trap to face off against them. Need to buy some time to get established.

Make sure that if you plan to leave the dungeon, you first fortify it somehow. We don't want someone squatting on our turf while we're out hiring minions.

Muschio 2009/07/17(Fri)23:28 No. 7962 ID: c01408
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>>7955
>I mean, resetting traps? Manual labor? Cleaning? That's grunt work, boss!
I'm glad you think so. I agree wholeheartedly.
First order of business is decided then: I need some hired help to various ends:
1. Reconstruct the Monster Portal.
2. Clean and repair the dungeon proper.
3. Guard the dungeon from any immediate threats or intruders.

Lacking a monster portal, I'll have to recruit locally. Which brings us to our next issue:
>>7956
>What is the nearest source of manpower?

Luckily, I have something for just this occasion.

Muschio 2009/07/17(Fri)23:32 No. 7966 ID: c01408
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This is a map of the known world. Landmarks have all been laid out.
My new dungeon and base -- as yet unnamed, it occurs to me -- are located neatly in the center of things.

From this we can find just about anything we need.

The two nearby towns appear roughly equidistant. Which would more quickly offer a portal repair service for competitive rates? Perhaps I'm making a mountain from a molehill, but the church drawn on the non-forest town seems worrisome given the task at hand.

>>7966
We should think of a name for our dungeon while we're doing other stuff. It's a simple enough matter.

How about something befitting the great Muschio? Something well achieved of our vocabulary. What're some good, noblesque, obscure words to describe this place?

... Abderian Keep?

>>7966

We can't be just like every other villain when it comes to naming our fortress. There are probably dozens of "Daggercave of No Return" or other pretentious names like that out there, but we should be different. We should have a name that lulls our enemies into a false sense of security, only to leave them humiliated when they inevitably fall victim to our might.

Let's name it "Sparklestone."

Ruination's Somnolence

I recall now. The town in the woods is Iniziare Citta. Near to the forest cottage where we have lived the majority of our lives.

Funny how we can forget things like that.

>>7973
Flip it around.
Somnolence's Ruin.

Muschio 2009/07/17(Fri)23:50 No. 7976 ID: c01408
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>>7969
You raise a good point. Seeing as the dungeon is currently fully unprotected, I should keep today's journeys limited in scope, so as not to leave myself open to attack. Therefore, one of the four nearest locales should be my destination.

To the north lies Sepia Town, a rough-and-tumble walled city filled with a mix of peoples from all areas. The town is crude, dangerous, and untamed. It holds loyalty to no one, but this also makes it weak on a political and economic level.
To the east, Iniziare Citta, the town I lived nearest to and routinely bought my supplies from. Quiet, peaceful, and largely unprotected -- save by their faith.
To the south, my old home of Piacevole, the Kingdom which was stolen from me. I have not ventured there for many years.
Lastly, to the west lies the Timore woodlands, an untamed wilderness that many demi-humans and lesser races call home.

>>7976

Sepia Town seems like a good place to get our hands on some mercenaries and interior decorators. We can save off on repairing the portal for when we have our fortress operational.

Any idea on how much this restaffing project is going to cost? I must confess that I am at a loss when it comes to the current pricing of quality goons.

Iniziare Citta and Piacevole are to be our prime targets once we're up and running. We want to stay a shadowy and mysterious figure to them, rather than 'that man who wanted a monster portal rebuilt inside this dungeon.' Sepia is promising, but a town of savvy criminals is also dangerous.

For these reasons, I would choose the Timore woodlands. It seems the nearest locale of all, (if not necessarily the easiest journey) and lesser races seem the first choice for most dungeon dwellers. I assume this is not without reason. Let us go there.

...As for a name, I might consider an ironic immortalization of our victory. Shattered Shield. Or perhaps the Severed Escutcheon, if you prefer.

>>7976
Well, it seems Sepia Town or the Timore Woodlands would work, if we want to skip right towards the cutthroats and monsters. But it might be dangerous, using either of those.

On the other hand, we could probably pick up some impressionable idiots in Iniziare Citta, if we know where to look. Doubtless any of them will prove any threat, and willing to do whatever if we play our cards right. But we'll probably want to replace them as soon as we're able.

Your call, boss.

>>7983
Actually, it's our call. If his decision-making faculties were still intact, he would have no need of the Orb at all.

>>7985
And yet we're about tied between Sepia and Timore.
Should we vote?

>>7986
Sepia seems further. Our knee and chest are not yet healed. Timore is full of, I hope, archetypal villain species, rather than cutpurses out to, well... cut our purse. To be certain, both present dangers, but to this voice, the choice is clear.

>>7989
Timore it is, then.

Don't forget to bring along that scepter. (Watch your nose this time!) We might be able to get it recharged, or at least pawn it for more gold.

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)01:42 No. 7999 ID: c01408
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Timore it is, then.
I set off for the demi-human's woods and leave my new home behind for the first time.
I'm sure it will survive in my absence.

>>7999
I got a bad feeling about this boss...

But I suppose it's necessary, so onward to Timore!

>>7966

You are going to go through with this aren't you?

*sigh*

Fine, just make sure you construct a well hidden escape route in your boss room. Currently there is only one entrance in your dungeon and if that gets blocked and you are faced with overwhelming odds then you’re pretty much dead.

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)01:57 No. 8002 ID: c01408
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As I enter the forest -- a conifer ecology, very unlike the forests to the northeast -- I very uncomfortably pass a group of ventripotent woodcutters.
There is an awkward silence as I head into the realm of non-men.

I'd recommend doing stealth raids on Sepia for loot to fund this venture. We can't fight anyone face to face and be guaranteed victory. Do everything you can to lay low and not attract attention.

.....hiring minions and raiding other dungeons would be a good way to cover up your intentions and gather resources. People might even be hard pressed to believe that you could be the one raiding the town. After all, look at all the good you've done.

>>8002
...Remember their faces so you can kill them later for looking at you funny.

Also it occurs to me... What ARE you? You don't look human, and you said you weren't a bird...

>>8003
... what good is that exactly?
I agree with lying low, though. No need to arouse suspicion until you can crush them beneath your heel.

Too many low-tier villains end up dead because they didn't have a realistic assessment of where they stood at the time.

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)02:07 No. 8006 ID: c01408
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If memory serves me, this forest is home to a number of lesser races and demi-humans, but most especially goblins, kobolds, and ogres.

I should consider my options.

You keep talking about demi-humans and non-men.
What exactly are you?

>>8006
I think we should start small. Shouldn't we start small? Let's start with Goblins or Kobolds -- they're both equally good choices for starting villains such as ourselves.

We'll probably be able to recruit them with promises of a roof and possibly candy. Shouldn't be too hard.

Ogres are larger and more dangerous, and therefore more difficult to handle. We can try recruiting some later, maybe as soon as after this initial recruitment 'test run'. Either way, having smaller squishables to pick on in their off time will keep them distracted.

>goblins, kobolds, and ogres
...Either they or we know how to fix a monster portal, right? Which amongst them would?

Kobolds are the obvious choice for a low-level dungeon. I am sorry to say, but we are starting off at a low-level. That, of course, assumes that they are merely cheap but not utterly ineffectual, and can build a monster portal.

>>8002
I wonder what their problem is? As far as they know you're just a man taking a walk in the forest. What's wrong with that?

WE WILL NOT TAKE RISKS WITHOUT REASON. BRING THE SMALL ONES UNDER CONTROL FIRST. AS LONG AS THEY ARE OBEDIENT, THEY WILL SERVE OUR PURPOSES WELL.

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)02:26 No. 8011 ID: c01408
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>>8007
I'm a Volto. As was my father. One of the races of men.
Not many of us left though.

Now, you raise good points. Kobolds are the cheapest and most easily gulled of the three, though Ogres are hardly more intelligent -- just more confident from their physical prowess.
Of course, that counts against us too. Weak and stupid does not a great minion make. Guards and builders need both, depending on the job, but I have to take what I can get I suppose. Still, I doubt they'll be up to much heavy lifting.
It's very likely the only ones capable of repairing a Monster Portal would be the innovative Goblins, but even then I'd need luck to find one skilled enough. I may have to find a more specialized worker.

For now though, my main priority remains the same: recruit hireling(s) to guard and begin repairs/construction on the dungeon.

>>8011
Try to get an smart looking Goblin for repairing the Monster Portal and setting traps.
Furthermore hire a bunch of kobolds for general grunt work.

>>8011
We may be overthinking this. Unless you have another, more detailed map on hand, we're just going to be walking around until we stumble across some potential minions.

That said, Red Claw had a portal working. I would keep an eye out for Gnolls, who we have evidence posses such skills as we need: Strength, at least acceptable intellect, and knowledge of portals.

>>8011
Eventually, we're going to have much more than these cretins. Why, some day, we might have all three, and then some.

For now, we just need someone to fill space and do gruntwork. Someone to take orders, and who isn't going to get ideas above their station.
Let's just go with the Kobolds, for now. They can hold a broom and look passably menacing, right?

We'll look for more effective flunkies later. Maybe we'll even keep one as a pet, in remembrance for how far we'll have come.

I think it's highly unlikely that Red Fang himself made that portal.

That being said, we should hire goblins to be our initial grunts. They're smart enough for complicated orders but cowardly enough not to rebel immediately. And they're more likely to be able do some decent quality construction than either of the other two.

For the portal, I think we need some kind of a magical artisan (hence specialized worker). We should be careful in picking one as they are likely not cheap, and we might have a use for someone like that even after the portal is fixed.

>>8014
Nope, goblins are more cost-efficient.

If you need someone keeping your dungeon clean of meddlesome adventurers I know the perfect guy for the job.

He's called... Sigmund.

Some ideas:

How isolated is Timore? Do people from outside ever go in? I would suggest that we covertly take over the place. We don't want a "OH GAWD MONSTERS IN THE HILLS"-kind of a reaction, at least not early on since that would attract a military response. I'd prefer it if we went unnoticed by the powers that be for as long as possible.

Secondly, I think we should totally look into imbuing the Portal with the power of the Orb. That oughta make the monsters easier to control, possibly even letting us affect their form and/or control them directly?

Kobolds would probably do it for respect and shelter.

Goblins might want a little more.

go for a goblin right hand man with a bunch of kobold henchmen.

Personally, i think we should aim to trick an ogre into service with us, Muschio is after all, quite the dapper gentleman, I'm sure he could convince some shit-for-brains to join us if it was promised gold, food or just some big pointy stick.

Although i do agree we should get the goblin and one or two kobolds for remedial work.

tl;dr: get everything, but in smaller quantities.

>>8034
Seconded

Ogres can wait for later.

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)18:01 No. 8393 ID: c01408
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Very well. I'll seek out a Goblin first, for our more crafty requirements, and multiple Kobolds for grunt work thereafter.

It doesn't take long to find a Goblin camp in these woods. Thin plumes of black smoke and the smell of roasting horseflesh is compass enough.

The camp is small, but the presence of a watchtower suggests these Goblins are vigilant to intruders. I should be certain I know how to approach this situation.

>>8393
Might i suggest a rather unorthodox friendly wave to them? Let them know we're here and want to talk to them. They're vigilant against intruders, so, as long was we don't go where we're not wanted they shouldn't attack us on sight, right? We could easily suave our way through this.

>>8393
Try to approach in a friendly manner. Friendly as we ever are, at least.
We're not here to dominate -- we're here to offer a once-in-a-lifetime offer, for one lucky goblin to get in on the ground floor of a new empire as our first second-in-command!

Leave out the part where they might get demoted if we find a more suitable second down the line.

>>8393
Offer a peaceful gesture. I'd tell you to look the part with a dangerous smile, but you seem to have that well in hand, you devilish rogue.

Say, "Greetings, goblins! I am hiring!"

Open approach is probably the best, but be ready to use the shield to block incoming arrows. You know, in case they don't like the cut of our jib.

An impressive introductory speech wouldn't hurt either.


Also, curse you, I was just going to bed. SCREW SLEEP, MORE DIVEQUEST.

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)18:21 No. 8399 ID: c01408
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Diplomacy is better than force in this situation. I approach with hands high to show I come in peace and don't have any weapons in-hand.

"Greetings, goblins! I am hiring!"

Unhh, we do speak goblin, right?

>>8400
If we don't, just shout LOUDER and SLOW-ER, they are bound to make something of that, the ungrateful savages, camping out here, taking our jobs.

>>8399
"This is your lucky day, for one of you at least! To kick-start an empire! One of you will be walking away today with an entire fort (We can exaggerate, right?) under his belt! Which one shall it be?"

Aaaand hope they understand our language.

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)18:29 No. 8403 ID: c01408
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"One of you lucky individuals will be rewarded with the opportunity to help me found an empire of power unlike any the world has yet seen! Who will it be?"

>"...what are you doing?"

>>8403
Tr... trying to hire you? Or some other thing of your species?

>>8403
"I have a fort in need of expansion. I want you to help me. I can pay you money. How hard is it, really?"

This sheepish behavior is UNFITTING for the MIGHTY MUSCHIO.
Glare at the like they were dirt and demand to see their leader.

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)18:37 No. 8410 ID: c01408
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"Er... tr-trying to hire you? Or one of you, anyway."

>"We have a life here. We have jobs and responsibilities among our own kind already. Why should any of us come with you?"

>>8410
I can... pay you. In gold or in eventual power over your peers and subordinates.

"Look, just let me in the camp. I won't cause trouble. I'll talk to a few people and see if I can find a volunteer, ok?"
(if that doesn't work, palm him a few coins to grease the way)

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)18:42 No. 8413 ID: c01408
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>>8407
"Look here! I won't have you standing in my way! I'm a man of great ambitions and I demand to speak to the elder here, immediately!"

>"All right, fine. This way."

>>8413
Follow politely. Try not to get shot for being kind of a jerk.

FUCK YEAH

OK, so a quick infosearch: How does one become the leader of a goblin tribe? Kill the previous leader and eat his flesh?

But for now, let's follow the guard to the elder and probe our possibilities. Perhaps we can come to a mutually beneficial agreement with said elder. A win-win if you will.

>>8413
That guy is the real Muschio.
I never want to see this >>8410 loser again.

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)18:50 No. 8423 ID: c01408
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The Goblin leads me to the elder's hut, and parting the curtain, I enter. A decorative shield and pair of weapons hangs above the doorway.

Before me stands the tribe's elder, a man of great stature covered in tattoos and piercings of bone.

>"Why have you come to this place, son of man?"

>>8420
Woah, easy there bub, Muschio already admitted he gets a little tongue tied around people cut him the barrels he lacks, jack.

>>8423
I seek to hire one of your people to be a gadgeteer in my rising empire.

"I have come to recruit the services of you skilled tribe, honorable elder. I can pay both in gold and in power."

Explain that we are trying to hire soldiers for our dungeon, and also a repairman for a monster portal. If his town has no one willing or able to do either, ask if he knows anywhere with such work available.

>>8423
If this does not go as planned try to inflict misfortune upon them without them noticing, then reap upon this to recruit them into your legions.
The perfect plan.

>>8424
Hmh. The fact that he gets tongue tied doesn't mean he cannot strive to be better. Fortunately he does excellent menacing poses and a wonderful icy stare. Perhaps we should look into hiring someone to do his talking for him.

>>8423
> son of man

Hey now, there's no need to be so rude.

>>8423
"Hello there good sir. I am looking for engineers or even simple craftsmen to enter into my employ. I understand and appreciate the high value of goblin craft; I can pay well and I assure you high quality lodgings in my, completely safe and secure, fort for those who i employ. What say you?"

>>8423
"I have plans.
GRAND plans.
But first I need allies.
That is why I am here.
I need someone with knowledge of traps and construction, and someone with knowledge of monster portals."

>>8434
Oh good lord man! Don't go mentioning a monster portal so casually. For all we know these goblins might hate monster portals.

>>8423
There is no need to be rude.

"I desire the services of a mystic artisan to repair a shattered dimensional portal. I thought this village might contain a goblin of such talents. I am willing to pay in gold. I have no desire to harm your village. I simply wish to do business."

>>8435
Well what are we supposed to say? 'I need a dude who can do some stuff in a place?'

>>8437
Bah, we should approach the subject carefully. Maybe start with magical artisans, then start talking about those specializing in dimensional magic and so forth.
Although the "Stuff at a place"-approach might just work.

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)19:09 No. 8439 ID: c01408
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"I have no desire to harm you or anyone else in this village. I've only come searching for a Goblin who has knowledge of traps and construction, so that I may keep him with honest wages of gold under my own employ."

>"There is such a Goblin here, but he will not go with you!"

>>8439
And why the hell not?

"Why?"

>>8439
Not even for a quick commissioned job?

"May I inquire why that is?"

>>8439
"And why not? If i may ask? Perhaps you seek a better deal? I could appease you all with wealth, should you want it"

>>8439
Gosh. A seller's market for goblin labor. Who would have dreamed?

"Not even temporarily? Why not?"

>>8440
>>8441
Manners!
We're not some two bit thug smacking his hoes, we're the Illustrious Muschio!

>>8439
"I was trying to be nice, I really was. Fine them, tell me why he will not go with me." say so as you attempt to loom over them in a vaguely (but not quite yet) threatening manner.

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)19:17 No. 8452 ID: c01408
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"And why not? Surely that is his own decision to make."

>"It is not! This village must band together and unite as one if we are to stave off Red Fang's Gnoll raiders!"

>>8452
...Oh really.

You see, I have a funny story about that...

"Red Fang? Red Fang is long since dead, my friend. I defeated him and all of his allies in the very same place I am asking for help rebuilding."

Laugh for ten solid seconds, then say "Oh, pardon me. Please, pardon that outburst. I have killed Red Fang."

>>8452
"Oh ho~? Red Fang? Then you must know of where my new fort is located. Yes, i have dealt with him. Should you require proof i shall bring his husk down for you to see with your own eyes. Would you like that?"

>>8455
No, goddamnit, don't tell him where we live.

They'll just kill us right here and march over to take it.

>>8452
"Ah. Then you're in for a pleasant surprise for you see, I, have slain Red Fang, he and his raiders are no more."

"Hmm. Perhaps I could slay this monster, should you agree to place your village into my service for the next year or so?"

>>8460
Wait, that's actually a better idea. But that would need more direct proof we killed him. We left his corpse for scavengers.

>>8463
We have his sword. The goblins should be fairly accustomed to that, right?

>>8467
That's a good idea. Unless it's too late (I fear it might be due to the chorus thus far, including my own voice) we should say "Very well. If I bring for you Red Fang's sword, will your fair village reward me with your talents?"

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)19:35 No. 8471 ID: c01408
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>>8456
This twist of fortune is too good to ignore. After an impulsive laugh, I calmly inform the elder that Red Fang has been destroyed, and his forces undoubtedly scattered.

They need not fear him anymore.

[animated]

Well maybe if we become the village hero we can get cheap labor?

Explain to them that the place needs a good solid garrison to prevent other foes like Red Fang from occupying it.

>>8471
Well you certainly have this evil villain thing down. Almost too well. Might want to cut back a bit before it gets you into too much trouble.

>>8471
Ahahaha! Incredible, Muschio! If we play our cards right, we could drag the whole village with us.
I still think we should get some Kobolds, though. They make good expendable footstools.
They can be underling to the Goblins.

"Ah. The laugh. It's a human thing. Please excuse me."

>>8471
Yeahh... Muschie. Maybe try to tone down the crazy a bit, ok?

>>8471
EXCELLENT evil laugh.
Now is the time for BOLDNESS!
Inform them that you intend to replace Red Fang as the master of his dungeon, and that you would like to forge an alliance with the denizens of this village.
If they respond hostilely remind them that if they kill you someone ELSE will take over Red Fang's dungeon and THEY would probably not be so kind to the poor goblin village.

Make a note to keep the heads of our future opponents, in case proof of their demise becomes necessary, and as disincentive to cross us. We will need a taxidermist in the future...

Smile and say, "So, how about it?"

If you brought the gnollboss' sword, show them.

>>8479
After our trials and torments thus far, can we not at least accept what pleasures life provides?

>>8479
Why? Don't tell him not to laugh. Look at him -- he's so happy.

obviously they're smart enough to know what an evil laugh is.

this is why we're hiring one.

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)19:56 No. 8486 ID: c01408
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My response to their risible comments have obviously sparked some reaction.
To dismiss their skepticism, I proudly display Red Fang's signature flyssa.

>"That is indeed the scourge's sword! Then it's true!"

"I will make my offer one last time. You can side with me and allow me to employ your cleverest citizen and his peirastic mind, and in return this village and I will henceforth coexist peacefully."

>"Accepted, and gladly. You will always be welcome in our village, O Slayer of Red Fang.
>You will find our tinker in the wooden shack at the edge of the village."

Awesome! Allies! High-five, Muschio!

...but not in front of the goblin elder.

NEXT, KOBOLDS!

>>8485
Go get the fellow.

If he is substandard, run him through and then leave the village, noting to yourself to burn it to the ground later.

>>8488
uh no

Well, no sense dallying. Make haste for the shack.

>>8488
Now, now, we haven't enough power to be so picky... yet.

>>8486
Heheheh~! Peaceful coexistance.
Well, backup allies never hurt. Who knows what the future will bring? There may come a time when we need them.

But for now, let's go get that tinker.

Before we go we need to ask the elder about the relations with the nearby villages, we don't want to put kobolds and goblins in the same room if they hate each other, same goes for the ogres.

A villain with genuine friends is one that dies of old age rather than from a knife in his back I always say.

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)20:17 No. 8496 ID: c01408
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With the elder's guidance, I find the hut of the Goblin Tinker.
He's busy at work on something at his desk. The room is neatly organized.
Burning incense in a hanging basket overhead fills the room with a pleasant scent that mixes strangely with what I perceive to be burnt powder.

>>8496
Your life has been granted to me, gobbo slave.

Bow down before your new master.

>>8496
"Greetings, tinkerer! I require your assistance in recreating a dimensional portal that has been broken. Your chief has dictated that you help me."

Cough politely to catch his attention, then introduce yourself.

>>8496
Politely ask him what hes working on.

Ask to see if there is anything you can do to help. It may be relevant to your "noble" cause.

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)20:29 No. 8502 ID: c01408
File 124797418435.gif - (14.40KB , 800x600 , 151.gif )

"Greetings, tinker. My name is Muschio Malto, and I am seeking your service. Your chief has decreed that you help me."

The Goblin responds without looking up.
>"What's in it for me?"

>>8502
What else? Money. Power. The satisfaction of seeing your devices slay those who would call you a monster.

>>8502
"Uh... we won't kill you and your village like we did Red Fang?"

Ask him what he's working on, from that derive/ask about his specialties, explain the slaying of red fang and his subsequent relocation.

>>8502
"The continued safety and prosperity of your tribe. I slayed Red Fang, freeing your people from his shadow."

After he inevitably stares silently at you, quirk an eyebrow and say "A fair wage of gold concurrent with your skill."

>>8502

"Payment in gold, and a large, quiet workspace."

>>8502
"You'll get to boss around a bunch of Kobolds."

>>8502
Why, nothing more than carte blanche in regards to your mechanical pursuits, my dear fellow! All I ask is for the occasional assistance with a portal or two, and perhaps some traps.

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)20:45 No. 8512 ID: c01408
File 124797510282.gif - (8.29KB , 800x600 , 152.gif )

"Wages in gold and an opportunity to practice your experiments in the safety of my purview."

>"200 gold."

"All I ask for is your assistance with basic repairs, as well as traps, and the reconstruction of a monster portal."

>"...120 gold."

>>8512
A fair deal for services you are in need of. Pay him honestly.

Try to lower it to 100. If he won't take it, accept his offer.

Once that's done with, we have kobolds to recruit!

>>8512
He seems intrigued by the idea of the monster portal. Meet his offer of 120 gold, and expound upon the details of our device.

>>8512
"You reduced your price? Why? Can you do the repairs?"

"One hundred."

>>8512
"Oh...?
You can reconstruct a monster portal then?"
If yes, meet his price. We need him and the more he likes us the better.(If he's lying we can deal with him appropriately later)
If no, start to hagglin'!

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)21:00 No. 8523 ID: c01408
File 124797605518.gif - (7.90KB , 800x600 , 153.gif )

"One hundred."

>"One-ten. And I get to put the portal up myself."

>>8523
Deal.

>>8523
Deal, assuming monster portals can be keyed to specific people for control and not just whoever puts them up.


We don't want to be under the goblin's thumb just because s/he is the only one who can control the monsters.

>>8523
"Why do you consider this important? Don't lie or I'll know."

>>7947
>I get to put the portal up myself.
...That doesn't entail him getting control of the monsters or something stupid like that does it?
If not and he's just very interested in the monster portal then agree.

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)21:11 No. 8529 ID: c01408
File 124797665760.gif - (7.25KB , 800x600 , 154.gif )

"Why is that so important? Don't lie, or I'll know."

>"Monster Portals are high arcana technology. I so rarely have a chance to toy with that level of complexity. Don't worry, I'll have it running smooth for you in no time, no matter how badly it's broken right now."

>>8529

Well, so long as I can still control what monsters come out if it without your assistance, then fine.

Come. We need to recruit some manual labor. What do you know of the kobolds in the area?

>>8529
goblin moe~

Very well, ask her to prepare her stuff for moving.

That's quite the difference in hand size.

>>8529
"Very well. One hundred and ten. Any other caveats I should know about?"

>>8529
Very well. Deal accepted. Ask for the tinkerer's name.

>>8529

Just wondering, what's your opinion on Kobolds?

Muschio 2009/07/18(Sat)21:41 No. 8537 ID: c01408
File 124797850814.gif - (11.97KB , 800x600 , 155.gif )

The tinker, who calls itself "Finesse", says there are Kobold tree-dwellers a short ways north of the Goblin camp, and they make cheap if easily-distracted workers.
It also insists it is female, but it hardly concerns me.

>>8537
Try not to stare at her freakishly huge hand.

Realize you have killed only one gnoll, and the elder was quite specific about there being raiders plural. Groups of them may return to our new home at any time.

With this in mind, should we return home as quickly as possible, or try to recruit some muscle in case more gnolls have set up shop?

I vote we head straight home, and trust in our swords (both for swinging and as trophy) to win over any possible hyenids. They would make far superior muscle than Kobolds.

>>8537
Alright! Tinker acquired! *FANFARE*
Now let's get some Kobolds! We need someone to clean up the mess all those monsters made.
They bleed. So much.

Then we'll get the portal working, and the traps reset, and then... then we can do more interesting things!

Like redesigning our boss room. I'm thinking we need a new wallhanging...

>>8537
Hardly concerns you? Once you go Gobbo, the others you'll drop-o~

Anyhow, time to acquire some kobold minions.

That goblin seems smart enough to have an intelligent conversation with. You dont wanna be lonely at the top...

or maybe you do actually i'm not really sure of your prerogatives..

"So, Finesse. Do you have any long term plans career-wise? I mean, do you really wish to spend the rest of your life as the town tinker? You said it yourself, you hardly ever get to play with the cool toys."
If she seems amicable to that approach, suggest that "If things go smoothly, there may be permanent openings available in my employ."

>>8547
continued with "Your own workshop, the very best tools, your own lackeys. Think it over."

And prepare to wow the kobolds with your fire magic.

Finesse kiss Muschio

>>8543
LONELINESS IS THE LEAST OF THE SHATTERED PRINCE'S WORRIES.

>>8622
I am loneliness, spirit-weakening, masturbation-inducing.

>>8548
We don't actually have lackeys or tools yet.

>>8695
Why should that stop us from promising those?

>>8697
Because she's not stupid and will quickly be able to assess our situation. We're basically saying "If you build me a workshop... you can use it."

Muschio 2009/07/19(Sun)15:21 No. 8904 ID: c01408
File 124804206031.gif - (8.83KB , 800x600 , 156.gif )

Through Finesse's directions, we shortly arrive at the Koboldhomes. A harpocratic still pervades the scenery, and the numerous windows and doorways carved to the tree-trunks are sealed, betraying no motion from within.

>"Hiding, of course."

>>8904
Kobolds! I am Muscio Malto! I seek to provide a number of you with food and protection in exchange for your work reconstructing a fortress I have come into possession of. You will not be harmed.

Say, "Hello! I mean you no harm! I wish to provide fair wages for your services as lookouts and laborers."

Muschio 2009/07/19(Sun)15:31 No. 8915 ID: c01408
File 124804269444.gif - (8.87KB , 800x600 , 157.gif )

"Kobolds! My name is Muschio Malto! I have not come to harm you. I am here because I wish to hire you -- manual labor in exchange for payment, food, and shelter!"

The silence yet persists.

>"No dice, master Muschio."

>>8915
Perhaps this situation could use some Finesse.

What do you suggest?

>>8915
"... if you don't come out, I will harm you."

>>8915
Right. You asked for it.

Burst into their homes and kidnap.

They're just shy.

Go knock on a door.

>>8916
Good call. Ask her if she could smoke them out with something? Or see if she has any bright ideas?

Ask Finesse if she knows a better way to get them out of hiding.

Muschio 2009/07/19(Sun)15:55 No. 8956 ID: c01408
File 124804412887.gif - (7.54KB , 800x600 , 158.gif )

I ask Finesse for a little help in what I'm doing wrong.

>"Beats me. Kobolds are usually skittish, but the mention of gold usually brings 'em running. Something must be going on."

Enter a dwelling and investigate!
Then hug Finesse!

>>8956
Now would be the time to investigate the doors. Knock first, be a proper gentleman, if there's no reply just start smashing shit up to find these bastards.

>>8956
Well, scout around a bit then, Muschio. Is there any obvious danger? Repeat your plea for service in exchange for food and protection periodically.

>>8956
"Come out come out where ever you are! I have gold!"

Jingle your purse in a seductive manner.

Go knock on a door.

Maybe they're all dead. Then you'll feel foolish for spending so long standing around and yelling.

>>8956
"Understood. Let's search out our will-be laborers and find out why they didn't respond."

>>8956
Indeed, let's pick a door at random, knock, and try to open it. We're going to make contact with someone, damnit.

Yell out that we can see that the kobolds are scared of something. Offer to help them with whatever problem it is they have in return for labor.

Muschio 2009/07/19(Sun)16:05 No. 8975 ID: c01408
File 124804472449.gif - (11.62KB , 800x600 , 159.gif )

I decide to attempt a less violent approach, at least at first. Door-breaking will follow if I am still denied answer.

"Hello? I said I have gold..."

Be on the lookout for traps. Don't want a repeat of last time.

Muschio 2009/07/19(Sun)16:09 No. 8987 ID: c01408
File 124804498142.gif - (10.14KB , 800x600 , 160.gif )

After a pause, a small Kobold answers the wood-carved door.

>"Hello. We would very much like your gold. But we are having a problem that gold will not help. We must attend."

>>8987
What problem is that? Perhaps I can assist.

"Is this about Red Fang?"

>>8987
"And what may that be? Perhaps I could provide assistance in exchange for later service?"

Those kobolds don't seem as idiotic as previously feared. They will make good minions.

Aww, he's cute.

>>9003
Adorabolds. I bet they wear little Victorian era outfits and drink tea!

Muschio 2009/07/19(Sun)16:32 No. 9014 ID: c01408
File 124804632426.gif - (14.31KB , 800x600 , 161.gif )

"Perhaps I can assist."
>"We would gladly listening to your offer if you help."

The kobold leads me up the inside of the treehouse, through a winding stairway and into a small hollow where a child lies in bed, its skin tinted with a strange purpureal hue.

>"Daughter, a man has come to make you better. You will be fine again soon, my little whisker."

Another Kobold, perhaps the young one's mother, stands on the opposite side of the bed.
>"She ate a bad mush. Now she is very sick and will getting worse. We have had enough death this year."

>>9014
Does muschio's experience lend him any knowledge on herbalism?

>>9014
Well, if she ate something poisonous and not caustic, vomiting would be a good idea.

Where is that succimer machine?

>>9014
Finesse, any ideas? If she has any then... make the Kobold vomit.

This shit is a waste of Muchio's time, these guys really don't look as if they're in the mood, or the ability to put up much resistance if push came to shove. They say they've lost people, ask how?

>>9018
HASN'T! Not has! Woops.

>>9014
Goddamnit
Why did they have to be so adorable...
...I don't think I have the heart to use them for cannon fodder.

Obviously the poison's in her blood now. Letting out the bad blood should fix her right up.
Three-four liters should do it.

>>9014
Ask if they've induced vomiting.
If it's too late for that, we may need to find an antidote.

But probably try vomiting first.

"I have a magical healing device, but it's out of charges. Do any of you have the ability to provide etheric energy?"

Muschio 2009/07/19(Sun)16:52 No. 9042 ID: c01408
File 124804753448.gif - (10.45KB , 800x600 , 162.gif )

My skills never encompassed herbalism, and I know of no cure for ingrained mycetism. From the look of her skin, the case is serious. A celadon haze surrounds her like an aura of death, and her wan expression and ceaseless algor tell me she is not long for this world.
>"Hope you've got a healing spell up your sleeve, Master. I'm a tinker, not a healer."

>>9042
Oh no. The adorable kobold is going to die.

I still say induce vomiting... do we have any potions from the dungeon left? She's dead either way, toss it down her gullet if we do.

So recharging the sceptre is a no go? Wouldn't hurt to ask. Maybe they've got some fancy tribal recharging thingy.

If not, give the critter a sip of the mystery potion and hope for the best. Be ready to run if it doesn't work.

Ask if Finesse can recharge our healing wand.

>>9042
Hey, we still have that potion from the dungeon, right?
Now's as good a time as any to test it out.
I mean, she's gonna die if it doesn't work anyway, right?

>>9042
Flip it over, look for more symptoms.
It won't survive vomiting, so don't induce that.
The thing seems to be shivering, would it not be a good idea to cover it up in something other than rags?

Muschio 2009/07/19(Sun)17:04 No. 9062 ID: c01408
File 12480482568.gif - (8.33KB , 800x600 , 163.gif )

>>9045
>"We are simple folk. We no have any magic to help. If we did, my little whisker would be running about."

...I still have that cesious and foul-smelling elixir, but... I'm unsure of its effects.

>>9062
DO IT VOLTO

POUR THAT POTION DOWN THE LITTLE BOLDS THROAT

>>9062
Good medicine always tastes bad. Go for it.

If you're unsure, take a sip of it yourself first and see what happens.

>>9069

That seems awful altruistic for a villan. Oh well, we can work on being repulsive when we can afford to.

I suppose taking a sip yourself would be a good idea as any.

Muschio 2009/07/19(Sun)17:11 No. 9073 ID: c01408
File 124804868616.gif - (11.37KB , 800x600 , 164.gif )

I administer the questionable elixir to the young kobold, in the hopes that it is miraculously some manner of cure.

>>9073
Please don't explode ;-;

Brace for "OH GOD WHY ;_;"

Be prepared to haul ass.

Get ready to leg it if he starts puking up organs.

Also we are a terrible villainous mind
The first sign of some thing cute and helpless and we have him giving up potions to save them.

>>9078
Oh please. All we know about that stuff is it smells bad. Red Fang could've been collecting his spit in a jar for all we know.

Testing it out on some random youth in hopes it will win us manpower sounds about right.

>>9079
Not only does it smell bad, it smells of bad body odor.

>>9081
Who knows what Red Fang liked to collect in jars?

Muschio 2009/07/19(Sun)17:31 No. 9083 ID: c01408
File 124804987071.gif - (104.19KB , 800x600 , 165.gif )

A few minutes of nervous waiting post-medication are finally met with the Kobold sitting up in bed. Her shakes seem to have subsided.

Perhaps fortune smiles on us yet.

[Animated]

>>9083
WELL HOPEFULLY THAT WAS TEH POISON SHE WAS VOMITING AND NOT BLOOD JESUS

>>9083
I GUESS IT WORKED I HOPE.

Pause in silence for several seconds.

"Uh."

Pause for several more seconds.

"So how do you feel?"

well that was.....kind of expected.

Muschio 2009/07/19(Sun)17:37 No. 9088 ID: c01408
File 124805025271.gif - (19.81KB , 800x600 , 166.gif )

>"I feel betters!"

>>9088
Goddamnit.

You kobolds owe us a month's free labor for that.

>>9088
haha, oh wow.

>>9079
Fair enough, it just seems like we're being so nice t-
>>9083
OH GO-
>>9088
JUST AS KEIKAKU

Disgustingly adorable.

mostly disgusting. Proceed to offer them jobs!

>>9088
... victory!

You need to pretend you knew this was going to happen.

Awesome. Now we're friends with two different tribes of monstrous minions, affordable manpower with which we can begin our quest of vengeance.

Today has been very productive, and it's not even over. Now get a fucking towel.

Muschio 2009/07/19(Sun)17:46 No. 9097 ID: c01408
File 124805080870.gif - (5.71KB , 800x600 , 167.gif )

"Yes. All according to plan. You see? I've cured your daughter."

Finesse looks at me with a very unimpressed expression, but the Kobolds are both ecstatic.
One quick toweling-off later, I inspect the child, who is still dripping an ichorous fluid of blood and detritus from her facial orifices. It doesn't seem to cause her any discomfort.
The black contagion in the fluid grows thinner by the moment, suggesting a purging of the system.

Her sickly pallor has been replaced with a rather striking rubor. I consider this while examining her to the best of my abilities.

>"Mommy says you made me betters! When I grows up I'm gonna be just like you!"

Oh boy.

>>9097
Hope that she does not die.

>>9097

"I certainly hope not. I intend to be the best. And I don't like company."

>>9097
Excellent... Steeple your fingers for a second, and then ask the parents if they would be willing to part with a few villagers as paid-laborers.

>>9097
Oh god, I have to speak up. We can't do this, she's too innocent.

Confide in her.
"That is not a good idea. You see, I am... evil."

>Rubor: inflammation: a response of body tissues to injury or irritation; characterized by pain and swelling and redness and heat

Look visibly concerned so as to cover your ass.

... Get ready to run the fuck away.

>>9097

Get her a glass of water or something.

AND SO THE HEIR TO THE EMPIRE WAS CURED OF HER ILLNESS!

Reel back and headbutt her to cause further blood loss to fix her excess of blood.

>>9104

AND THEN EXPLODED

Muschio 2009/07/19(Sun)18:00 No. 9109 ID: c01408
File 124805165294.gif - (5.84KB , 800x600 , 168.gif )

The flow begins to subside a bit, now fully cleansed of ichor and returned to clean blood. Still, the trickle continues. If I didn't know better, I'd say she's developed a sudden case of hyperaemia. The excess of blood is familiar -- my aunt had it.
It has a tendency to run in the family. I missed it, but I certainly hope I haven't tainted this young girl's bloodline.

"You don't want to be like me, little girl. You see... I am evil."

Add "And hiring" quickly.

Muschio 2009/07/19(Sun)18:02 No. 9111 ID: c01408
File 124805174318.gif - (5.30KB , 800x600 , 169.gif )

Her nose continues to bleed.
>"Then I wanna be evil too!"

She smiles sweetly to me, and her eyes gleam as she takes in my appearance.
>"You're handsome! Are you a king? I wanna be a king too! I'm gonna be an evil king!"

"Girls can't be kings."

This situation is making me vaguely uncomfortable.

>>9111
Fine, we can use an apprentice. Just... make sure you follow orders.

>>9111
Oh dear, it seems you have an admirer.

>>9111
Look, we'll just...
Tell her she can be a princess if it'll shut her up.

Now when can these kobolds start cleaning up the bloodsplatters we left behind?

Muschio 2009/07/19(Sun)18:16 No. 9116 ID: c01408
File 124805259814.gif - (8.23KB , 800x600 , 170.gif )

That's enough of that! It's time to get back to business. Since this family will be too busy tending their own affairs to help, I return to the commons.

"I have cured the ill girl! Now I say again: I have gold, warm food, and a place to sleep! I am offering employment for honest work!"

This time, there's a more significant response.
I suppose I get my pick of the litter.

That's silly. Girls can't be kings at all.

Never mind. There is no point arguing with children.

"Well, now that's settled. May we now speak recruitment?"

Well let's round up the strongest looking of the group

>>9116
Well, pick a couple of the stronger looking of the adorable buggers and get going.

Round up some gullible looking strong backs.

What sort of pay rate does a kobold minion merit, Muschio?

Even if you do have the dormant form of a blood-borne illness in your genetics, it is doubtful that you passed it to her as you never actually put your genetic material into the flask.

More likely, the voiding of the ichor from her nose, mouth and eyes damaged the mucous membranes in those areas. If it doesn't subside in a few days, we may have a problem, otherwise, it's fine.

Be prepared for her to follow you back, however. She seems to be attracted to you on some childish level.

>>9116

Try to find a few that have some sort of combat experience. They may not make optimal guards, but at least they're better than nothing.

>>9116
See how much each is willing to work for. Remember we only have 10 gold left.

>>9126
If by '10' you mean '91' then yup.

Muschio 2009/07/19(Sun)18:33 No. 9133 ID: c01408
File 124805362759.gif - (14.05KB , 800x600 , 171.gif )

Kobolds are a diverse bunch, but the traits that run common to them are their dogged resilience and determination, their crafty and underhanded ways, their limited intellect and simplistic mindset, and their near-bestial status.

I have quite a selection before me. The going rate is 40 gold a head. After spending 120 on Finesse, I have 81 left.
That gives me enough to hire one Kobold, or spend up the last of my savings and hire two.

On the one hand, money is always good to have on one's person.
On the other hand, more money will come.
Decisions.

I'm still trying to decide exactly what manner of Kobold to hire.

Having some guys to stand around and raise an alarm is handy. They can do nothing but sweep floors and that's still handy since it's stuff we don't have to do ourselves.

And if they're useless, their pay rates will be minuscule. The only concern is food. How do we get food?

>>9133
Back left, and bottom center. Then go home and devise a way to make some money.

>>9128
Ah yes, my mistake.

>>9133
Serrated knife kobold, bottom left looks good.
I would definitely choose that one, if only one were to be chosen.

back center and use the rest of the money for food

>>9133

Ask each of them what they are good at.

>>9139
actually this.

>>9133
Fisty, back right looks smart. I'd go for her (?) or the big knife one, front left.

Take bottom-left and top-right. Worry about money later.

>>9133
Upper middle has a hammer which is promising, but I don't like his face. Upper right, then.

Ask them what they're good at and take bottom left anyway.

We don't really have a lot of food. We could use some money on hand.

Bottom left and back center.

for fucks sake don't take the one with the bent spear and the whiskers. If I have to keep looking at that one my eyes will bleed from all the ugly.
Bottom left and top right!

Pick the cutest most adorable yet sexually attractive one. Bonus points for only just being able to fit your entire penis in.
Don't feel bad about giving it a testdrive.

>>9149

Bottom left and top right*

By bottom I mean the one with the serrated knife

Guys, they're 40 gold a head. What we need to do is cut off all their heads, and then take the whole village for free.

Suggestion 2009/07/19(Sun)18:57 No. 9158 ID: 7eda8b
File 124805502073.gif - (5.25KB , 330x459 , spearbold.gif )

This one.

Suggestion 2009/07/19(Sun)19:03 No. 9163 ID: fb5d8e
File 124805539732.png - (4.83KB , 400x600 , koboldling.png )

No, this one.

Bottom left

>>9133
Get the Classic Cutebold.

>>9158
>>9163
This is 80 gold worth of kobolds.

>>9163
and serrated knife kobold

>>9133
Lets see.. I shall dub them
Cutebold, ????, Deerbold,
Foxbold, Ratbold, Goatbold.

>>9174
Might I suggest Musclebold or Oldbold?

It's too soon to pick one out. All we know of them is what they look like. Talk to each one for a bit and get to know them. Ask them if they have any particular skills.

We should look for someone hardworking with a good memory who can understand new things easily. That should make for a versatile and dependable henchman.

>>9174
Hammerbold maybe?