The Philip you knew died long ago. Grab your garlic and your stakes and let's go a-vampire huntin'.

I second the above with all the passion in my body

>>686592
stake him in the balls

>>686592
Yea, DO THIS!

PM 2015/12/02(Wed)14:25 No. 686601 ID: 61ec19
File 144909513097.jpg - (91.05KB , 620x400 , kit.jpg )

>>686590
You put the letter down on the table, and head over to your closet. You open your closet, and pull out your toolkit. Opening it up, you see the key items in your vampire hunting business.

A stake.

A hammer for hammering in that stake.

Some really cool black hunting clothes so you can look cool when hunting vampires.

Garlic. It's starting to go bad so you might want to pick up some more.

An old silver locket from Phillip Dollarfield, before he fell to the vampiric side. Inscribed inside, it says "stay cool."

Suddenly, you hear a knock at the door.

"Hey," a gruff man's voice shouts out, "you in there? I saw you got mail. You don't have any friends, what's going on?"

This is the voice of your neighbor, Jacob Ladder. He's a dick. He doesn't know that you've been keeping this farming village safe for years now. No one does. You're really good at keeping that vampire hunting stuff a secret.

>>686601
but why?

>>686602
Because you don't have a vampire hunting license.

>>686601
Meh, lets just save her ourselves. Or at least scope out the situation.
Vampire Hunters are like ninja barbarians, so we're hardly defenseless.

Yell at old man to get off your lawn.

>>686604
Maybe we can ask for one as a reward for saving the princess. What do the neighbors think you do, carpentry? Call him a weirdo for stalking your mail habits. Leave out the back door.

PM 2015/12/02(Wed)15:35 No. 686615 ID: acc3d2
File 144909932793.png - (11.48KB , 400x400 , piq_48914_400x400.png )

>>686601
Your goals are clear in your head.

1. Kill Phillip Dollarfield
2. Save the Princess
3. Yell at the old man on your lawn

Well, those first two are still just ideas mulling around in your head, but getting Mr. Ladder off your lawn is something you're going to do. You hide your sweet vampire gear back in the closet, and go to the front door.

Jacob doesn't look too hot.

"Well, who's the letter from? Your mom dead or something?"

Look at his bloodshot eyes and his dead expression.

Vampire.


Do what you do.

>>686590
>stares at image
So... Phillip has enormous balls?

>You don't have any friends, what's going on?
It's not from a friend, it's from the government tax offices. Some tedious bureaucratic nonsense that's probably going to cost you money. (Wave the envelope so he sees the government seal).

You aren't my accountant, do you really want to talk about this?

>>686620
>has blood
>vampire
what?

Whether or not I'm receiving letters is none of your business, just as what you do when your wife isn't around is none of mine. Now get the fuck off my property.
The secret to keeping your own secrets is to know everyone else's, that's what I always say.

>>686633

It's probably not his blood.

PM 2015/12/02(Wed)16:08 No. 686637 ID: acc3d2
File 144910127978.jpg - (91.05KB , 620x400 , kit.jpg )

>>686615
You wave your envelop in front of Jacob, telling him that it's just some beuqacratic mess that's none of his business. You then tell him to fuck off your lawn or you'll be spreading information about what he does when his wife isn't around.

"You're garbage, bud. Just like my wife."

He spits on the ground in front of you and leaves. You're not positive if he's a vampire or not, but you really do wish he is so you have an excuse to kill him.

...now that he's gone, I guess it's back to getting your vampire hunting gear and setting off to kill Phillip or go look for the princess...or whatever. Maybe you should just walk around aimlessly for a bit.

Dude, dude, who the heck would send a letter trying to tug on your heart strings about poor, dead Phillip like that? This is probably a vampire conspiracy that managed to take control of part of the government.
The problem is that this gives us two conflicting goals, and both are significantly important. The obvious one is to figure out what the vampires are up to. We need to trace this letter back to where it came from and verify the humanity of everyone along its path until we find the nest of monsters that was smart enough to come up with this idea. Smart monsters are incredibly dangerous, that's why we try to kill them first whenever we have a choice.
The other thing we have to do is continue protecting our town. Never lose sight of the fact that some of the best plans are actually really damn simple, and the letter may only be a dumb ploy to get us out of town for long enough that a prepared action can do something. We don't know enough about this to guess what kind of something, but some plausible answers are putting some monsters around town, wrecking our place so we've got no home base, or even go full scale night of the monsters and assault the whole town.

We don't have time for aimless walking, what we need to do right now is get in contact with our friends, apprentices and allies, find out what they know, and make a plan to do both those things.

PM 2015/12/02(Wed)19:13 No. 686655 ID: aef4bc
File 144911238745.png - (2.67MB , 2000x2000 , medieval_village_by_blind_ice.png )

>>686637
Your crippling paranoia is at it again. You are convinced that there is a very high likelihood that this is all part of a grand vampire conspiracy. You can't trust anyone right now, except your closest companions.

The thing is, you don't have many friends in this village. Or friends in general. Phillip was always the more charismatic one in your little pair.

But there's always that bartender in the local pub, he usually knows what's up.

Then there's Janet, the village psychopath. She knows a lot of stuff if you can decipher whatever she's talking about. She likes to play by the fountain.

You could always go to Sheriff, the town guard. He doesn't like you, but he might know if there's any vampires near by.

>>686655
Talk to the village psychopath because WHAAAT?

Also, is this a puzzle?

>>686655
Psychopath.
Ask her if she wants to murderize a bunch of dumbfucks keeping a princess hostage.

Hey, at least the psychopath is human, and maybe we can get her to kick some monsters' asses. At the very least she ought not balk at the notion of violence so much as normal people do.

PM 2015/12/02(Wed)21:03 No. 686664 ID: aef4bc
File 144911899289.png - (12.76KB , 400x400 , piq_52692_400x400.png )

>>686655
You decide to head over to the village fountain, where you see Janet chasing the local ducks. Everyone else going about their way attempts to ignore her, as usual. Janet likes to think she's some sort of werewolf sometimes, though those ears on her head are clearly glued on. She's become somewhat of an unwanted mascot for the town.

She sees you and crawls over on all fours.

"Have you seen those people watching me I know they're trying to take my bone and they keep saying I'm not a dog but they're lying I know it."

You ask her if she knows anything about vampires.

"My friend Suzy is vampire-kin so she's not a real vampire but her soul is a vampire soul and she draws really good art you can see it on the village notice board if the knights didn't take it down yet they hate vampires did you know that?"

You ask her if she wants to help you kill a bunch of people and save the princess.

"Didn't you hear dummy? Only Phillip Dollarfield can save the princess have you seen the size of his penis I sometimes wish I had one of those okay I'll help you- AAAAAAHHHHHH!"

She leaps into the air and climbs on top of your hear.

You know have a Janet equipped.

The towns people shake their heads at you.

>>686664
SO WORTH IT.

Alright, you're now high-profile, unsocial, and ready to throw a neurotic ball of sugar wrapped in a little girl at the first bandit you see. Get to the nearest bounty board and "deal with" a few outlaws

and by "deal with" I mean recruit them, fake their deaths, take the bounties on their heads, and assault Dollarfield's base. Take Dollarfield alive (Yes I know) and use him and his minions in a ritual sacrifice to turn "anyone within two miles of the princess (except her) into ingredients for a permanent shapeshifting potion that is force-fed into the princess' mouth"

Or whatever.

Inform Janet that the "flap" she see's in the front of your outfit is actually a large pouch that contains your junk.

Well we now have a nice distraction. No one will wonder if you're a vampire hunter with her around. They'll wonder why you're stuck looking after the nutjob.

>have you seen the size of his penis I sometimes wish I had one of those okay
Sidequest unlocked?

Let's go visit Suzy.

PM 2015/12/02(Wed)22:23 No. 686691 ID: aef4bc
File 144912382411.jpg - (1.15MB , 1920x1200 , 70260-2-1443838787.jpg )

>>686664
With Janet now equipped on your head, it's time to build yourself a militia of bandits so you can either defend the village from the upcoming vampire attack, or attack Dollarfield if he really is the only hope of saving the princess and is a vampire, but you won't kill him because...look your paranoia is confusing you, let's just see what's going on with the notice board.

You head over to it, Janet barking and yelping constantly at the other villagers. You bring great shame upon everyone by supporting her ways.

You look at the jobs on the board.

1. HELP, BANDITS ARE IN THE WOODS AND THEY STOLE MY FUCKING MONEY SACK. GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY SACK AND I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR OWN MONEY SACK THAT'S EVEN BIGGER THAN THE MONEY SACK THOSE FUCKING BANDITS STOLE.
-Bobby Dingle

2. I require assistance delivering some baked goods from here to the noble city. I am assisting in a bake sale to raise funds to pay Phillip Dollarfield to save the princess. I know he's already said he doesn't want to do it, but maybe if we all pitch in he will. I just need someone to protect the food as we travel.
-Gloria Ploop

3. ...it's just a drawing of some spiky haired, sword wielding man with one large angel wing and another large demon wing.
-Suzy. OC DO NOT STEAL

Steal the OC, then help the bake sale.

Janet should equip the drawing for the stat bonuses, if willing.
Also, follow up on Bobby Dingle's job, this seems totally legit and we need a large money sack.

Janet doesn't make a very good hat while we're about town, and we should probably try to address that situation somehow. Since she's a psychopath I'd rather not risk angering her more than necessary. Start by assessing the possibility that Janet equipping herself to your head is a poor attempt at seduction, or non-verbal demand for oral sex. Proceed from there as necessary.

>>686691
1. Idiot. Take the job. DO NOT GIVE HIM BACK THE ORIGINAL MONEY SACK; there might be some intel written on the sack or a key hidden in one of the coins. Just count the money and the material/volume/shape of the original and turn that in after you recruit the bandits.

2. You wouldn't care about giving money to people who already have some stored away and do not provide services for the public except COOKIES! Use the publicity stunt to sneak into the Nobles District, infiltrate Dollarfield's key structures. Make sure that you limit Janet's sugar intake to the weight of her stomach.

3. Janet, draw some inappropriate sexual characteristics on the OC. Go crazy and show us the image when you're done.

>>686691
If we are to travel, we need a big sack to put all our stuff in. Let’s talk to Bobby Dingle.

Draw an eye patch on the OC and claim it as our own. Afterwards proceed to increase the size of our sack by kicking some bandit ass.

Also ask Janet how she is doing.

Equip the OC to Janet's forehead.

PM 2015/12/03(Thu)05:05 No. 686749 ID: acc3d2
File 144914795014.png - (7.91KB , 400x400 , piq_86708_400x400.png )

You grab the nearby pencil and draw an eyepatch on top of the OC's face, followed by scratching out Suzy's name and replacing it with your own. You take the drawing off from the board and stick it onto Janet's head.

Janet now has OC DO NOT STEEL equipped.

"Wow I didn't know you drew your drawing is really good I hate you so much right now I want to be this good at drawing can I take a commission and then say what you draw was done by me pretty please?"

You then decide that Bobble Dingle's job seems the most appropriate right now. Everyone needs a big sack. You take Bobby Dingle's notice off the board, and head over to Bobby Dingle's little cottage. Bobby Dingle is right outside eating a sandwich as you approach.

"Hey, you're that weirdo in that little farm hut, huh?" Dingle says, "you here for the money sack job? Why do you have that little girl on your head? She trying to hump ya or something?"

Say she is but you are ignoring it easily due to the lack of penis

PM 2015/12/03(Thu)06:58 No. 686754 ID: aef4bc
File 144915472584.jpg - (147.01KB , 1024x768 , spooky-woods.jpg )

>>686749
You confirm Bobby Dingle's assumption that Janet is trying to hump your head.

"Yeah, that kid's a fucking loon, huh?" he says.

"Don't make fun of me you're just jealous because you can't get any head yourself!" Janet yells back. Bobby ignores her.

"Anyway, buddy, those assholes ran off with my money sack into these spooky woods outside the village. I don't know if they're still there or anything, but you should go in there, kill them, and bring me back my money sack. I'll give you an even bigger sack if you do. It's still day time and stuff, so you shouldn't worry about any spooky spooks out there."

>>686754
Just... get going. Now.

PM 2015/12/03(Thu)08:05 No. 686761 ID: aef4bc
File 144915872182.jpg - (75.33KB , 736x736 , 7c4ccdfc914bb099a5e86ede16fa8eec.jpg )

>>686754
No time to delay, you head out into the spooky woods.

---

These woods sure are spooky. A perfect place for vampires to hide. It's a good thing it's still daylight, or else all the vampires who probably hide out here would be out, along with the other nasty spooks. The only real problem right now, besides your neck feeling sore from letting Janet hold onto your head for so long, is the chance that you won't find the bandits. These woods are pretty big, and by now the bandits would probably head out to somewhere safer- hey look the bandits.

There are four of them. They are all dirty and uncool. It's a toss up though as to who is uncooler at the moment, you or them.

"What the fuck do you want?" says the apparent leader of the bandits. You can see one of the bandits in the back is holding a distinctive money sack. You also notice that these people seem a whole lot less blocky than everyone else, which usually means they're not afraid to battle you right now.

"How would you like a bigger wallet?"

Then proceed to defeat them in combat. Offer them a job to kill a noble and steal his stuff.

PM 2015/12/03(Thu)10:08 No. 686775 ID: aef4bc
File 144916609873.gif - (72.70KB , 579x428 , NEW-FIGHT-LOGO.gif )

>>686761
You ask them how they would like a bigger wallet.

"What? Yeah, I could go for one."

Before the conversation can continue, you engage them in battle.

FIGHT TIME

YOU
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [garlic]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [OC DO NOT STEEL]
>Guard
>Run

>>686775
TARGETS
>Bandit Leader
>Bandit spearman 1
>Bandit spearman 2
>Bandit archer

Use the stake and hammer to punch a hole in the leader's armor, steal his weapon while he's distracted. Janet, go straight for the archer.

>>686775
You run forward and slam your stake into the bandit leader's chest. He shouts out in pain as you give the stake a good smash with your hammer. The bandit leader falls onto the ground. Judging by the insane amounts of blood coming from his chest, his armor wasn't that strong. You take the bandit leaders sword.

Janet rushes over to the archer and starts smashing his leg with a bone. Her bone is not very strong, and this is only a minor annoyance for him. The archer puts down his bow and lifts Janet up by the back of her dress as she kicks and bites the air.

"I'm not gonna hurt a kid!" yells the archer.

The first bandit spearman, horrified by your brutal assault on his leader, vomits a little and misses his turn.

The second bandit spearman pokes your left nipple with his spear. Ouch! That smarts!

YOU (minor wounds)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [garlic]
>Guard
>Run

JANET (bound)
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [OC DO NOT STEEL]
>Guard
>Run

TARGETS
>Bandit Leader (CRITICAL CONDITION)
>Bandit spearman 1
>Bandit spearman 2
>Bandit archer (scuffed leg)

>>686794
Use the "none" spell to remove the spears.

Ignore the nipple poker, stab the archer while he's distracted. Then throw your pet dog at the closest spearman.

Throw sword at Janet. The archer should drop Janet in horror, and then Janet attacks his legs and beats him senseless.

Grab the spears and pull. Throw the spears at the two guards to shock them and then knock them out with your hammer.

>>686794
Ignoring the man who has made your left nipple bleed, you rush over to the archer holding Janet. In terror, he throws the little girl at you, which you successfully dodge. You slice at the archer's stomach, and though it does draw blood, the blade isn't very effective. The archer stabs your right nipple with an arrow in response.

Meanwhile, Janet in mid-flight has clung to the face of the first spearman. The spearman vomits in terror, ruining Janet's dress, and missing his turn.

The second spearman runs at you and stabs you in the back. It feels almost as if you had a third nipple on your back which was pierced.

YOU (painful wounds)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [garlic]
>Guard
>Run

JANET (dress ruined)
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [OC DO NOT STEEL]
>Guard
>Run

TARGETS
>Bandit Leader (CRITICAL CONDITION)
>Bandit spearman 1 (blinded by head grapple)
>Bandit spearman 2
>Bandit archer (scuffed leg, cut belly)

>>686805
Stake Bandit Spearman 2 in the chest and take his spear. Janet can have the sword.

Eat garlic to regain health.

Let's finish off that archer by slashing at their neck.
Janet, please poke the bandits eyes out.

PM 2015/12/03(Thu)16:01 No. 686829 ID: acc3d2
File 144918728026.jpg - (17.33KB , 320x290 , tumblr_mk5zn1SWNZ1r413h3o1_400.jpg )

>>686805
It's time to finish this archer off once and for all! You quickly slide the blade across the archer's neck. Blood spews all over your face as the archer falls to his knees and dies. Judging by the mess that the bandit leader you first attacked is now, the bandit leader is dead too.

You yell out to Janet to poke out the eyes of the bandit she's holding onto. Hearing this, the bandit spearman vomits for a third time.

"Stop blowing chunks on me you're acting just like my mom I hate you so much mom I hate you so much!"

Janet shoves her tiny fingers right into the eyes of the bandit, blinding him permanently. Vomiting one more time, he falls to the ground, now in critical condition.

The second spearman backs away and drops his spear, and throws you the money sack. It's a small, but heavy sack.

"Okay, okay, you win! Just let me go!"

VICTORY!
>Bandit Leader: DEAD, 3 Cool Points
>Bandit Spearman 1: CRITICAL, 2 Cool Points
>Bandit Spearman 2: Surrendered, 1 Cool Point
>Bandit Archer: DEAD, 2 Cool Points

>TOTAL CP EARNED: 8
>PLEASE DISTRIBUTE YOUR CP.
>YOU: 0 CP, JANET: 0 CP

>>686829
CP!? We can't be seen with child pornography! Give it all to Janet.

Keep 2 and give the rest to Janet.

PM 2015/12/03(Thu)17:56 No. 686838 ID: 43cfa4
File 144919416527.jpg - (39.63KB , 736x414 , big_thumb_f1ad958422d156c6a4da9c564a808154.jpg )

>>686829
>CP DISTRIBUTED
>YOU: 2 CP, JANET, 6 CP

The remaining able bodied bandit drags off his blinded companion deeper into the woods. Weren't you going to try recruiting some of them? Ah whatever, it's not important, you got the money sack, you feel just a tad bit cooler, Janet even more-so. This money sack sure is heavy. Probably full of lots-of money. You should probably return it to Bobby Dingle though, as he did say he would give you an even bigger money sack.

"Oh my gosh that was so cool we killed a bunch of people we're like real werewolves I mean I am a real werewolf but you were like a werewolf too we should have kids- DON'T TOUCH ME I'M FILTHY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Janet leaps onto your head again, and you feel the vomit on her dress on the back of your neck. It is not a good feeling.

The sun is starting to set. The spooks will be out soon.

We need to clean her dress somehow

Take Janet back to your place and engage sweet bathing of one another's bodies. If Janet is too young then bathe separately.

Take a little gold from the sack, then return the rest for more gold.
Then let's go clean up Janet and her dress.

PM 2015/12/03(Thu)19:27 No. 686851 ID: 43cfa4
File 144919963368.jpg - (79.24KB , 900x675 , witch_hut_at_night_by_bagam-d52q4v2.jpg )

>>686838
After mulling it over in your head for a bit, you decide that it's best to first take a little advanced payment from the money sack, and then get Janet to your home so you can wash the vomit off of her and her dress. You open up the bag...only to find rocks. There is no money in the money sack, only rocks.

Ignoring that for now, you head out of the woods with Janet on head and bag in hand.

---

You return to your little home. Night has fallen, and the land outside of the village is probably spook central, but you should be safe right now. When you head inside, you pry Janet off of your head and begin to pour some water into a bath bucket for her. Janet wanders around aimlessly, until crawling on top of your table and grabbing the letter you seem to have left there.

She reads it while you begin to warm the water for her.

"You know Phillip Dollarfield is his penis really as big as they say it is I just want to see how fancy his clothes are I'm writing a fan fiction about him do you want to hear it later it's not ready but anyway what's with this letter?"

>>686851
No it isn't, he just has huge balls, it's really weird. He's a vampire and I'm going to kill him. Now get in the bath.

>>686851
"His dick was smaller than mine back when he was alive, and vampires being like eunichs just means his dick is useless now, too.
If he saved the princess they'd make him marry her, which would be pointless, frustrating, and annoying for both of them. He is actively disinterested in both the quest and the reward, but we live in a nation of brick-headed idiots so they're just going to dumber and dumber things to convince him to do it.
So we'll save the princess, they'll give him credit, and he'll pay us to rescue the princess from him. Then maybe I'll stake him - haven't decided yet."

We have fancy clothes and we will show you them once you're clean. Now do you have any other clothes or do we need to find you something else to wear?

I wonder if "save the princess" means raping and murdering her to sire an heir, because she's now "deflowered with the corruption of free spirit and joyous mercy to all sentient beings - oh, and deflowered too". Because ew.

What do YOU intend to do to the princess? Hold her ransom, demanding a brand-new Hunters Guild? Or do you intend to tie her up and leave her next to Janet for three whole days with nothing to eat but whatever Janet shares via regurgitation? Do you loathe the government?

So when was the first time you met Janet? Why didn't you take her in yourself (She might be unstable but you're paranoid enough to handle her).

Check your nipples for piercing.

Ask, determine or remember where Janet sleeps, we've gotta get her home if we can. Stealing little girls and having them sleep at our place overnight can't be good for our reputation, even if it's entirely voluntary on the girl's part.

>>686852
Don't be so hasty about telling her Phillip is a vampire! We don't know if this little psycho, who thinks she's a werewolf, *likes* vampires. We need to ask her what she knows about vampires first

PM 2015/12/03(Thu)21:10 No. 686870 ID: 43cfa4
File 144920581837.png - (7.91KB , 400x400 , piq_86708_400x400.png )

>>686851
You don't want to reveal that Phillip is a vampire to Janet just yet. She said her friend Suzy is "vampire-kin", whatever that means, so for all you know Janet might be a closet vampire lover. You explain that Phillip's penis is not as big as yours, and that everyone is just too stupid to realize he only has weird, abnormally large balls. You then continue to badmouth Phillip and explain how it's up to you and her to help save the princess.

Janet nods.

"You're a snake in the grass but I'll believe you since you're sharing your water."

She begins to drink from the tub. When you tell her the tub is for bathing in, she takes off her dress and jumps in...and then continues to drink the water. You take her dress to wash it, but as soon as she jumped into the water, she jumps out.

"Okay thanks I gotta go home now my mom is probably drunk on elves again I think she's hiding things from me okay bye."

She puts on her vomit covered dress and marches out into the night...you then notice that your nipples are still bleeding pretty badly, along with that wound on your back. You simply patch them up with a few bandages you have lying around and go to bed. You should probably go see a doctor about your wounds in the morning.

---

You wake up to find that Janet is clinging to your head again. She doesn't smell like vomit and her dress seems clean. There's a knock on the door.

"Hey, you find my money sack yet?"

Bobble Dingle waits for you.

>>686870
Smack him silly with the sack of rocks (and remember, you did murder two outlaws and blinded another FOR A @#$%ING SACK. OF. ROCKS.)

Then steal from his house.

Say you have it and go fetch from within the house. Remove a rock just in case it becomes important later then return the sack.

PM 2015/12/03(Thu)23:01 No. 686891 ID: 43cfa4
File 144921248650.jpg - (316.47KB , 1200x1200 , 1_jpgaf636e4b-1c91-4e19-b47d-0953cdc4c0c0Original.jpg )

>>686870
You have the strong desire to grab the bag of rocks and smash Bobby Dingle across the face. However, you force yourself from doing so.

"Still got that dumb kid on your face, huh? You some kind of pedophile?"

It's not very easy to remain calm. You walk back inside, taking out one of the rocks as a souvenir. You then come back, and hand him the money sack. Bobby fills with glee as he opens the sack.

"Ah yeah, my rock collection is all intact! Thanks for getting it back for me, that was really cool of you. You two aren't as awful as everyone says."

QUEST COMPLETE!
>TOTAL CP EARNED: 5
>PLEASE DISTRIBUTE YOUR CP.
>YOU: 2, JANET: 6

Keep two and give the rest to Janet.

We should for reals ask how old Janet is... So we don't like get in trouble.

>>686906
She's 'too young.' We don't need the details of when her birth date was unless you want to give her a birthday party. It would be a nice thing to do if we had the time, but we've got vampires to hunt.

Ask about the promised reward, we need a money sack even if it doesn't have money in it.
When this meeting is over, we should talk to Janet's folks and ask them what to do about the fact she seems to want to be our new hat. This is obviously pretty bad socially if we're getting people remarking about whether or not we're a pedophile to our face: That's fighting words normally. If she were grown up or formally our apprentice vampire hunter it would be different to hang around with her, but this ends badly as we're going right now.
After that we should visit the doctor to get our wounds properly treated.

>>686891
Even split. 2.5 for each.

How old IS Janet, anyway? She seems kinda short to be going through the angsty-teenager-werewolf-kin thing, unless she has Gary Coleman syndrome or something.

PM 2015/12/04(Fri)10:19 No. 686943 ID: 43cfa4
File 144925314032.jpg - (50.49KB , 275x352 , pixel_art_girl_5_by_cale8-d4mgtfh.jpg )

>>686891
>CP DISTRIBUTED
>YOU: 4 CP, JANET, 9 CP

Completing that quest fills you with a sense of being cool, but it's nothing compared to how cool Janet must be feeling right now. If she looked just a little bit cooler, there's a good chance she'd go from a social outcast to...well, nothing really great, but something slightly better than social outcast.

"Hey wait a minute," says Bobby, "one of my rocks is missing! Those damn bandits probably pawned it off before you could get to them. Ahhh damn it. Anyway, here's that money sack I promised you."

He hands you a very large money sack. It's incredibly light, but you hear some jingling inside. Looking into the bag, you see it contains 5 gold coins.

"Alright, see you freaks later."

Bobby wanders off. With him now gone, it's time to go deal with Janet's folks. Don't want to be seen as a child kidnapper now, that would be uncool. Then once you get that mess settled, you'll go to the doctor to get your nipples and back properly fixed up.

You walk out of your house and head over to Janet's home, a dingy, but slightly better than your own, hovel. You knock on the door, and a tall woman answers the door.

"What are you doing with my kid on your head?" she asks you.

"Mom look at this man he's like my dad except he doesn't cover you in cinnamon roll cream all the time we should feed him food but not any of my food." Janet leaps off of your head and runs behind her mother, suddenly acting nervous.

>>686943
"Oh hello. We're on a quest to kill Dollarfield before he ritually sacrifices the princess and takes over the nation. See, I was one of his close friends, but we all left him when he finally went insane; he keeps it better hidden.

Oh, and we're going to rescue the princess. Even though I think that an unfettered monarchy can go @#$% itself. I suppose we'll tie up Dollarfield and use him as a meatshield in the battle against the Overlord or whoever the whatever screw the forces of darkness. Seriously, what's wrong with being dark and terrible so long as you help some people?

Look, you can't take care of Janet forever. She's a good fighter, I can teach her the ropes."

>"What are you doing with my kid on your head?
Damned if I know, she just gets up there, somehow.

"she likes being up there I think? ask her, not me. I'm just here to apologize for getting her into danger yesterday.
She killed a bandit though, she's pretty cool now."

PM 2015/12/04(Fri)12:10 No. 686958 ID: acc3d2
File 144925985349.jpg - (50.49KB , 275x352 , pixel_art_girl_5_by_cale8-d4mgtfh.jpg )

>>686943
You enter a tirade about how Phillip Dollarfield is planning on sacrificing the princess and how dark forces might not be so bad and how you're going to use Phillip as a meat shield to defeat whatever captured the princess. Janet's mother isn't quite sure what you're talking about, and it seems to confuse and frustrate her. You then discuss how you want to take Janet off her hands so you can train her...and she likes to be on your head for some reason, but you're not sure what that reason is.

"...yeah, sure, whatever, just don't get her killed or anything."

Janet's mother pushes Janet out from behind her, out of the house, and then closes the door slowly. Guess this means Janet's your apprentice now.

"Bye mom!" yells out Janet as she climbs on top of your head.

Maybe it's time to get your nipples checked out by the doctor.

Yeah, our nipple injuries could go really bad if they get infected. Alternatively, we might now have an equip slot for magic nipple piercings to use. We should definitely seek a medical opinion about that as our first order of business.

We gotta get Janet a sweet black coat so people know how cool she is.

PM 2015/12/04(Fri)13:19 No. 686968 ID: 43cfa4
File 144926396203.jpg - (30.92KB , 480x800 , WUPP_WF2_drM_char01_2_R_ad.jpg )

>>686958
You head your way to the local doctor of the village, Doctor Dario. He's outrageously good at patching people up, so it shouldn't be too hard to get your nipples fixed up. You enter his nice little cottage just as he finishes sewing an unconscious man's leg back on.

"Someone stab your nipples again? This is the 3rd time this month!"

You've had a few nipple related accidents in the past.

"No matter, I just got a fresh batch of nipples from the part market yesterday. Two gold for two fresh new nipples...unless you want to keep your old nipples and just want me to clean them up...then it's still two gold. Oh, and one gold for fixing that nasty scratch on your back."

You have 5 gold.

Can we get a detailed explanation as to what the purpose of cool points are? Could we possibly use them to bump down these prices for the doctor? Also I vote we keep our nipples... We only got poked a bit.

>>686968
Okay, how EXACTLY do your city's doctors "replace nipples"? Because even with regeneration magics, the new flesh may be incompatible in the long run without the appropriate genetic-manipulation magics.

Fix / disinfect the scratch and clean/replace the nipples, you're not sure what those bandits smeared all over their weapons.

Well that leaves you with 2 gold. So how much is two gold worth anyway?

PM 2015/12/04(Fri)15:07 No. 686979 ID: 43cfa4
File 144927042640.png - (19.29KB , 281x254 , earn-cool-points-1.png )

>>686968
Before answering the doctor, you suddenly feel the urge to contemplate the concept of coolness. More specifically, cool points. Cool points are earned through the completion of specific tasks, the defeating of enemies, and certain actions that are just really bodacious. The more cool points you have, the more people will respect you, and the more opportunities for growth you will experience. For example, you and Janet are currently Complete Outcasts, but Janet has 9 cool points. If she were to get one more cool point, she would probably go from a Complete Outcast to a Hopeless Loser, which is still bad, but will give her a few more opportunities to grow. Coolness is all subtle mumbo jumbo, so it may not be clear at first, but the point is that coolness is important.

"...hey, you alright there? You want your nipples replaced or not?"

You say that you just want a good repairing, no replacements.

"Pfffft, you're no fun." says Dr. Dario.

---

After a quick surgery, your nips are cleaned and disinfected, along with your back wound. You feel good and ready for whatever new battles come your way.

You pay him the three gold you promised, and head out with Janet.

The question is, now what do you do? Check the notice board and finish up that other quest you didn't do? Go shopping and see what two gold can get you? Leave immediately to find Phillip Dollarfield? Leave immediately and try to find the princess? Sit on the ground and do nothing? The world is your oyster!

Let's go visit Suzy, she sounds like Janet's friend so maybe she'll want to help us out somehow.

Suzy seems like she would have the inside scoop on anything vampire related. let us try to subtly prod her to see if she knows about Philip's condition.

Find some more weapons. Disposable knives would be a good choice.

Can Suzy come out to play "Murder Time"?

Seek out the most savage rapper in all the land, his defeat would most certainly net you a ton of cool points.

PM 2015/12/04(Fri)17:15 No. 687002 ID: 43cfa4
File 144927810804.png - (6.80KB , 400x400 , piq_303880_400x400.png )

>>686979
Though getting better weapons and getting cooler are high priorities, you decide that it's best to check out Janet's friend Suzy. One, because she might be a potential companion, and two, she might know a thing or two about Phillip Dollarfield and vampires in general. You ask Janet to guide you over to Suzy's house.

"Okay just follow where I'm pointing Suzy's house is where I'm pointing at I bet she's almost done on her new OC it's going to be so good but not as good as my stuff I'm a golden god you know."

You knock on Suzy's front door, and are greeted by a skinny girl wearing plastic vampire teeth and a gaudy dress.

"Hello mortal...I am Suzan the vampire. What brings you to my lair- oh hi Janet what are you doing here?"

Janet leaps off your head and hugs Suzy.

Ask her about herself and if she would be interested in gallivanting around the country in the pursuit of adventure.
If she isn't interested would she mind sparing some supplies so that we are less likely to fail and/or die trying?

>>687002
Ask her what it's like being a vampire.
Ask her what a man is.

Janet, subtly place pirated OC back in Suzy's collection.

And by "pirated" I mean draw a bodacious rogue who raids little castles on the cliffsides and butchers their way through nobles for their stuff. That's right

A VAMPIRE HUNTER!

(Hopefully this will convince her to get into the Dhampyr Hunter business)

>>687026
Vampire hunters are basically land pirates, if you think about it.

PM 2015/12/04(Fri)20:46 No. 687045 ID: 43cfa4
File 144929077269.png - (39.82KB , 271x346 , 5644189+_40ff41d27ff32e72d5d88d52dae770ab.png )

>>687002
There's a test you want to pull, just to make sure she's not an actual vampire who only looks like she's a fake vampire. You ask her what a man is. Her eyes brighten up.

"Oh oh!" says Suzy, "I know this one!"

She clears her throat.

"A miserable pile of secrets! Mwahahaha!"

You're just about to stake her in the heart when her fake teeth fall out mid laugh, and she has to put them back in. She's not a real vampire. Suzy and Janet begin to discuss comic books and original characters. You subtly take out Suzy's OC that you stole from the notice board, and add a few adjustments to it to make it look like a badass vampire hunter. You slide it on top of a massive pile of drawings on Suzy's table. When Suzy draws her attention back to you, you ask her if you want to join you and Janet on adventures around the countryside.

Suzy stops to think, stroking her chin as she looks at the badass picture you created.

"Mom!" shouts Suzy, "can I go out with some friends and go on adventures?"

"You have friends? As in, more than one? Finally! Yes, you can!" yells back a voice from the darkness.

Janet foams from the mouth with excitement (more of a thick spit, really), leaping back onto your head.

"Come on Suzy let's get going we're going to meet Phillip Dollarfield and touch his balls I bet he has them signed by other celebrities."

"Alright, alright, let me just get on." replies Suzy. Suzy jumps onto your back, wrapping her legs around your stomach and putting her arms over your shoulders.

You know have a Suzy equipped.

>>687045
If we get a few more party members we'll have a full suit of meat armor.
Anyway, about that rap battle...

>>687045
Oh, you'll "sign" his balls, all right. Should you go with the stainless-steel "@at@a" or that iron barbed-lotus-flower? You're not sure which will hurt more, but the one that injects steam burn straight into the testicles seems like a better choice.

Well, this just went from "wolf on your head" to "old-rpg party glomp". You still need more squad members to take on Phillip (Enemy A), and many more still to taken on whoever captured the princess (Enemy B).

So, who else is enough of a loser to follow a vampire hunter and his two fuzzball psychopaths? You're still going to need to consider hiring outlaws, but those bandits probably spread the word by now...

Off to have a 3 year vampire hunter training montage! Hopefully the girls will be old enough for you to not get in trouble with the law just by hanging out with them. You could just get like a signed document from their parents stating that everything is fine; kinda lame though if you ask me.

PM 2015/12/04(Fri)22:18 No. 687066 ID: 43cfa4
File 144929633270.jpg - (1.77MB , 1920x1200 , the-path-to-sunset.jpg )

>>687045
You find yourself at a crossroads right now, mentally. On one hand, you could really use some more cool points, and fighting someone cool, like a rapper, would really help with that. On the other hand, you want to find more companions, since taking down Phillip Dollarfield and saving the princess (or killing here, you're not sure what you're going to do half the time) will be even harder.

Thinking about it, a few options come to mind. You remember hearing word of a bard in the village on the other side of the spooky woods that is of some note. Any good adventure party needs a bard, maybe finding them would be a good idea. On the other hand, if they're cool enough, you could beat them up and feed off the coolness that would result in. Then again, sunset will probably come soon. Maybe you should just stay in town and look for more potential companions here, though there probably aren't a lot of other social outcasts here. Or hell, what about waiting until nightfall, going into the spooky woods, and fighting some spooks? Is that dangerous? Yes, extremely dangerous, but imagine how cool that would make you, Janet, and Suzy feel. Of course, you could check the notice board for more quests, if straight traditional grinding feels more right.

We must grind until we have adventure blueballs, then we must either ignore or defeat Phillip Dollarfield. I propose we start grinding by finding something really cool to do, like becoming a jazz band.

>>687066
Head towards bardtown, ignoring the danger of spooks we have to fight some.

Back to the notice board for one last good grind in town.

PM 2015/12/05(Sat)13:51 No. 687132 ID: 43cfa4
File 144935226496.gif - (26.98KB , 500x500 , tumblr_mvehi0bexs1rt0oi0o1_500.gif )

>>687066
You are compelled to grind cool points, that much is clear, but this dirt town is running low on good quests. It's time to do something really cool, like start a band, or fight some baddies, or something else. Point being, you head out of the town and start moving through the woods to the next village, Snickersberg, where that musician is supposed to be.

---

Looks like Snickersberg is taking longer to get to than usual, and the sun has set much faster, it seems. You start picking up the pace in the hopes of avoiding any spooks. If only you could convince Janet and Suzy to get off of you, maybe you wouldn't be so slow. But before any discussion on travel accommodations can be made, a TERRIFYING SPOOK APPEARS!

"Oooooooooooooooo"

Janet and Suzy shriek in terror, squeezing both your head and your stomach respectively as they do so.

But wait, the spook is still blocky. Maybe you don't need to fight it right away.

>>687132
Unleash the skeleton inside, everyone knows that skeletons are spookier than ghosts.

Yes, we can defeat this ghost with the power of our bones. Let us now bone this ghost.

Actually, why not just set the ghost on fire?

The ghost will probably start crying when it realizes that it will never have the power of bones like us.

PM 2015/12/05(Sat)14:57 No. 687150 ID: 43cfa4
File 144935624693.jpg - (25.32KB , 450x338 , 606533-bigthumbnail.jpg )

>>687132
The only way you're gonna out spook this ghost is by releasing your inner skeleton. Everyone knows skeletons are scarier than ghosts, no bones about it. You shake Janet and Suzy off of your body and dig your fingers into your chest. You begin pulling pack, hoping to tear through your flesh and release your skeleton onto the world. However, ripping off enough flesh for your skeleton to escape through all your clothes is really hard, and you can hardly make a real impact on your flesh. Plus, doing something like that would be extremely cool, and you are not that cool.

"Hey, are you trying to attack me with your skeleton? How rude!

The spook bursts into its combat form!

FIGHT TIME!

YOU
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [garlic, rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

Physical attacks probably won't work, unless they have a mental element attached.

You, Janet, and Suzy: chew raw garlic and bad-breath the ghost into a coma.

>Physical attacks probably won't work
Suzy / Janet combo: make a psychological attack. Expose the ghost to the horrors of their deluded little minds.

We don't have many cool points, so we can't do attacks that require the user to be cool, but can we use attacks that require the user to be... uncool? Consider that ghost are undead, just like vampires, so they're likely to share many weaknesses. Consider further that our vampire hunting mc eats garlic with every meal as vampire deterrent. Finally, consider that a Wario-style garlic fart attack is one of least cool attacks possible. I think our path is clear.

>>687150
Attacking the ghost spook with physical attacks probably won't be very effective, and since you don't have any magical weapons or spells to cast, your best bet would be some classic psychological warfare. You order Suzy and Janet to talk about their favorite comic books.

"Janet, have you read the latest issue of Ms. Fortune?"
"Yes I have it's so amazingly and good her breasts are so big she's a role model for all of us if only she was a little bit fatter I would want to hug her so much right now."
"I really think she and Mr. Mystery are going to get together! It's gonna be so hot!"
"Their marriage is going to fall apart he's going to die in some alley and she's going to keep his teeth as a souvenir and wear them around her neck on a necklace."

The ghost is very confused and uncomfortable, weirding him out and lowering his effectiveness in battle.

You eat the garlic, giving yourself stinky breath. You are unsure if the ghost can smell or not, but if it can, he's in for a world of stink!

The ghost, weirded out by the girls, grabs you and goes "OOGA BOOGA BOGGA!"

This spooks you, but not too much.

YOU (Stinky, Slightly Spooked)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

TARGETS
>Ghost Spook (weirded out)

Try getting Suzy to make some really spooky OC to scare the ghost away.

Also, get Janet to discover her latent werewolf powers and transform into a badass werewolf to intimidate the ghost.

>>687172
You order Suzy to draw the most spooky OC she can. She works right away, scribbling out a knight with a skull for a head and lots of hyper realistic blood.

The ghost is spooked...by how bad it is!

You then tell Janet to transform into a full on werewolf. She barks and howls at the moon above...but she's just a little girl, and it's more adorable than scary, causing no effect.

The ghost grabs you yet again, trying to avoid eye contact with the weird littler girl and her friend that draws scary bad pictures. "BOOOOOO" he shouts.

You are now straight on spooked.

YOU (Stinky, Spooked)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

TARGETS
>Ghost Spook (weirded out, spooked)

Have Janet say it's sexy and she wants to have ghost babies with it.

Sing the "We R Friends Again" song!

Remember to take off your pants, you don't want to ^&*( them.

Suzy, please bite Janet in the neck.

Janet, pretend you're going into heat. Scrach off your fur and breathe deeply to cool the excess body heat.

hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is janet but u can call me t3h WeReW0Lf oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… im ?? years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!!
DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again _^ hehe…toodles!!!!!

love and waffles,

t3h WeReW0Lf oF d00m

Eat the ghost, consume its soul, regret nothing.

Janet has that crappy bone, it's a little bit of a skeleton and she might be able to threaten or even attack the ghost with it.

PM 2015/12/05(Sat)22:03 No. 687254 ID: 43cfa4
File 144938180654.png - (12.83KB , 250x322 , white-ghost.png )

>>687219
You're feeling pretty darned spooked right now, but with the power of two insane little girls, you can spook this ghost out to infinity! You order Janet to seduce the ghost.

"Oh I want your ghost babies so bad is it alright if I eat your babies too I bet they taste delicious kind of like a yogurt where does that stuff come from anyway I'm getting so hard right now."

The ghost is looking really uncomfortable. You then order Suzy to bite Janet on the neck. It's only more of a nibble, really, but it's strange enough for the ghost to be grossed out even more.

Finally, you rip your pants clean off, and begin to singing like a maniac.

The combined strangeness weirds the ghost out so much that the ghost reverts back to its blocky form.

"You people are weirdos. I'm out of here."

The ghost leaves.

VICTORY!
>Ghost Spook: Retreated, 3 Cool Points

>TOTAL CP EARNED: 3
>PLEASE DISTRIBUTE YOUR CP
>YOU: 4 CP, JANET: 9 CP, SUZY: 0 CP

Janet gets 1, Suzy gets 2. Not many cool points for creeping a ghost out, but you couldn't exorcise them anyway.

Right, put your pants back on, there are girls present.

Put your pants back on, before someone finds you pantsless with two crazy little girls and accuses you of being a pedophile again.

Everyone gets one CP.


Please put your pants back on.

If ripping your pants clean off meant they are unwearable now, try finding some new pants. If you can't find any new pants, have Suzy make a ton of awesome drawing, and glue them together in the shape of pants.

PM 2015/12/06(Sun)00:15 No. 687295 ID: 43cfa4
File 144938975013.jpg - (101.47KB , 736x546 , 22e20dc2bef9371b1221a00e97917c21.jpg )

>>687254
>CP DISTRIBUTED
>YOU: 5 CP, JANET: 10 CP, SUZY: 1 CP
>JANET LEVELED UP
>JANET WENT FROM...Complete Outcast...to Hopeless Loser!

You feel coolness emitting from Janet. She's still pretty damn lame, but between the three of you, she's the face now. Janet squees with joy.

"I feel so cool right now I bet I could piss on people and no one would even care I am having so much fun right now!"

The two girls get back into position on your body while you put your pants back on. You continue down the road to Snickersberg.

---

The small village of Snickersberg, much like your home village, isn't very cool on a grand scale. However, since it does have some big walls, and a few places of note, people remember the name Snickersberg more. There's a local in, a local wizard shop, a nice little dive bar, an a little circus tent...thing.

I'm starting to seriously question our taste in party members. Also maybe we should have a name by now? I vote on Roderick Belmont.

I second finding out/creating your name.
I also think you should go to the inn to rest since you were up all night, if you can afford it.

>>687295
Food and sleep after a productive day-night cycle.
Also I propose "Future redeadeners of Phillip Dollarfield and maybe murderers (also future) of the Princess"

PM 2015/12/06(Sun)11:18 No. 687353 ID: 43cfa4
File 144942949346.png - (8.65KB , 400x400 , piq_171893_400x400.png )

>>687295
You head over to the inn and go inside. It's a small but cozy little place. The innkeeper, a chubby woman with bright red hair and a scar going down from her nose to her lips, looks at you three with sympathetic eyes...actually, come to think of it, she's not looking at you three, she's looking at Janet.

"Oh, you poor little dear," the innkeeper says, getting out from behind the front desk and prying Janet off your head.

"Dressed up like a dog, being in the care of these...people..." she looks at you and Suzy with contempt. "Let me get you a place to sleep for the night, my treat," she says to Janet, and when she looks back at you and Suzy she says "...oh and I guess you two gotta sleep there too."

Point being, the three of you are given an extra room in the back off the inn that hasn't been properly cleaned yet...but it's free! I guess being a hopeless loser made Janet look a lot more sympathetic, and you and Suzy got to ride on her coattails.

The three of you sleep.

---

You dream about yourself.
What is your name?

Penny Screwplow

Phillip Dollarfield, obviously.

>>687353
You name is [INSERT NAME HERE].

Person Man.

Dale Pennymeadow

>>687359
Obviously the best name

Johnathan Joestar.

PM 2015/12/06(Sun)14:54 No. 687374 ID: 43cfa4
File 144944248291.jpg - (99.14KB , 640x640 , whats_in_a_name_2.jpg )

>>687353
You think long and hard...has anyone actually called you by your name...ever? I mean your mother and father, obviously, and you know Phillip used to call you by your name back when you were partners, but it's been awhile since you've heard your name out loud...are you...
>Phillip Dollarfield
No, that's not you. Phillip Dollarfield is a vampire and a traitor and he needs to die, maybe.
>INSERT NAME HERE
No way, you're not Insert "name" Here, he's a famous jouster. You don't think you've ever been a jouster.
>Jonathan Joestar
Somewhere deep in your mind, you imagine Suzy and Janet would go nuts if they learned that was your name. You don't know if you can handle that.
>Person Man
Sounds like a comic book character. Let's try something else.
>Penny Screwplow
No...but close...
>Dale Pennymeadow
That's it! Your name is Dale Pennymeadow.

---
You wake up, and the scar faced innkeeper sends you and the girls out to the village. The sun is shining brightly and the spooks are all gone.

So, what now? Go check out that wizard shop? That notice board with potential quests? That dive bar with the crummy music coming from it? That circus tent thing? Maybe just wander around and see if anything happens?

Check the notice board. Gotta keep farming cool points until you've made it above the gum underneath people's shoes.

Maybe you can go to the little circus tent thing to find some circus performers that hate their job and can join you on your quest.

Notice board. Sadly you have very little money to spend at the wizard shop. Might be worth taking a look just to see the prices though.

PM 2015/12/06(Sun)18:33 No. 687389 ID: 43cfa4
File 144945561067.png - (3.35MB , 1920x1080 , Tw2_noticeboard.png )

>>687374
You all need money, and the only good way you can think of to make some cash is to do a few quests from the notice board. You head over and read what's going on.

1. Hey dudes, this is Ryan Rockstone here and I've got myself in a little trouble. You see I was doing a music gig for some goblin dudes outside of the village, near those goblin caves and stuff, but after the show I was jumped by some goblins and they stole my sweet guitar. If you could get it back for me, that would be really cool. I'd also give you like, 10 gold for doing it. Thanks guys.
-Ryan Rockstone

2. BEHOLD! I require Blood Berries for my magical potions, but I do not wish to go out and get them myself. I will give a free magic lesson to anyone who can get me a bushel of Blood Berries!
-Chumbles the Wise

3. For a good time, come by the hole in the wall at midnight.
-XOXO Cindy

>>687389
FREE MAGIC LESSONS?! OH BOY!!!

Be sure to take their assets (rip out spellbook pages, threaten to let loose their latest biological affronts to society, "recruit" their kids on your dangerous little adventure) hostage right before turning in the quest in case they decide that because you probably don't have magic (which is true) and they do they can just spam magic at you until you stop moving.

That goblin quest seems reputable, but I don't feel good about murdering a bunch of rock-and-roll kids.

Candy's an obvious trap, but you've got two psychopaths in your party. You can handle this if you fight from a distance, so consider purchasing some bombs. Throw into well and let all havoc loose.

Let's go a berry picking. If anyone is allergic to these things speak now.

Side note, is anyone curious what would happen if we stuck a carrot into a hole in a wall at midnight? Because the temptation is there and the curiosity isn't helping.

Huh. The first one sounds pretty good. Very little is more rock and roll than lethal mosh to the death, this is a serious opportunity to pick up a lot of cool if it is what it says it is. I like, but be wary... if this is as cool as it sounds why hasn't someone else already done it?

The second one is berry picking in the forest, for a, 'magic lesson,' which may only turn out to be, "Getting hit with magic fireballs hurts!" if we're not careful: Wizards can sometimes be immense, diarrhea-spewing assholes. Do you know anything about those berries or how difficult they are to get, or what they may be used for besides booze?

A hole in a wall and a promise of, "A good time." This traditional way for prostitutes to advertise, sexual deviants to search for each other and annoyed ex-lovers to harass their former romantic partners. This could actually mean lots of different things, which may actually be rather hazardous, and expensive. This seems like a questionable opportunity at best until we've exhausted everything else available, because our finances, social-power and party dynamics are not optimized for making use of this kind of opportunity.

I say check them out in order, if we get to the last one at all.

Blood berries. Maybe we can teach one of the twerps magic, make them the party mage. (I guess vampire mage makes more sense than a werewolf mage? She should get some kind of physical upgrade).

Try asking Suzy if magic is good against vampires as tastefully and non-suspiciously as you can. If it's good, i'd say go with the berry quest, if not, than the guitar quest.

Also before you go, carve something cool into the notice board for some potential cool points. Something like your team logo which you need to make up soon. Get Suzy and Janet to make a cool team logo so you feel like more of a team.

PM 2015/12/06(Sun)20:56 No. 687444 ID: 43cfa4
File 144946421157.jpg - (15.13KB , 204x204 , tumblr_muvp77fXKF1r413h3o1_250.jpg )

>>687389
It's a hard decision, but magic is really damn cool. If one of you can learn a few spells, that should really boost your coolness in the long run. You rip the wizard's notice off the board and march off back into the spooky woods in search of blood berries.

"Are blood berries good they sound really good we should rub them on ourselves and then kill somebody and eat them" says Janet.
"Janet, you're allergic to blood berries" says Suzy, "if you eat any your face starts to bleed all over."
"Oh...okay."

You keep walking until you find some bright red berries with little skulls on them growing on a bush. You're pretty sure these are blood berries. Suddenly, a strange old man pops out from the bush. This man smells dirty and probably doesn't bathe often. It's your best bet that he's some kind of druid.

"Halt, I am Don the Druid. Did Chumbler send you to get blood berries? If he did, then get out of here. Chumbler's an asshole and he doesn't respect nature. Every time I try to grow blood berries in these parts he sends someone to go pluck them all. I think he's doing this in spite of me. You people don't look that stuck up, you probably get it, right?"

We don't need all of them, just a lot of them. Also if you try to stop us we'll stop recycling, and it will be your fault Don.

Nudge Janet, get her talking about how much wolves are in tune with nature and how much she respects it.

>>687444
"Okay, what are the conditions for growing this stuff? Chummer's newest reward is one magic lesson per bushel, so you could teach us some healing magic or something and we'll leave you alone for now."

Ask him if there is a quest you can do for him for the blood berries?

PM 2015/12/07(Mon)01:16 No. 687468 ID: 43cfa4
File 144947981805.png - (248.55KB , 400x320 , GREEN-MAGIC-psd70279.png )

>>687444
You decide that the best course of action is to explain that, yes, "Chumbles", not Chumbler, wants you to get these berries in exchange for magic lessons, and if the druid were to teach one of you some magic, maybe you wouldn't need to take the berries.

"Hmmm..." Don scratches his neck, thinking... "well, you and that girl with the fake teeth seem to be druid material..."

You're not sure if you should take that as an insult or not.

"...your little dog girl is a bit too cool though...okay, I'll teach you a quick little spell. I'll teach a healing spell, how about that? But I can only teach one of you the spell. I'm old and it takes awhile to learn it."

Given your history of nipple injury, I think you should learn this.

Dale you need this spell man.

You're the fighter / ranger type, not the healer.

Suzy can be the healer.

>>687468
Learn it ourselves. Saving gold is great.

Take the healing lesson for now, you'll need it.

Ask Donny if he can teach another lesson later. You're bound to find something that he wants.

PM 2015/12/07(Mon)09:32 No. 687482 ID: 43cfa4
File 144950957317.jpg - (127.96KB , 1024x768 , green_magic_orb_by_toast_sama.jpg )

>>687468
You say that you want to be the one to learn the healing spell.

"What? Oh come on I'd be a cool druid!" says Suzy.
"Exactly," says Don, "but cool and druid are things that should not be combined. Unlike other magic, to embrace nature is to ignore things like coolness. If you don't fully embrace being an outcast, I can't feel comfortable teaching druid magic."

Don looks back at you.

"Anyway, let's get teaching."

---

It is now the late afternoon, and after hours of awkward hand touching and rubbing, you have learned the spell druidic healing.

You ask Don if he can teach another spell later if you do a quest for him.

"Maybe, maybe...actually, yes, there is something I could use your help with. I've heard word that a group of hunters from one of those nasty hunter guilds is going to come to the woods for some general animal slaughter. As you can probably tell, I'm not very okay with that. If you three can help me ward them off tomorrow, I'll teach another druid spell. You'll even get some coolness out of it for everyone not learning my magic."

Well, a job's a job. Just make sure that Don isn't talking about a vital hunting party.

See if you can find some other healing magic that Janet can learn. For now, get to the hunting grounds.

PM 2015/12/07(Mon)15:18 No. 687557 ID: acc3d2
File 144953029193.jpg - (15.13KB , 204x204 , tumblr_muvp77fXKF1r413h3o1_250.jpg )

>>687482
You ask Don if this hunting party is vital in anyway.

"...naaaaaaaaaah."

Well, you can trust that. You think about getting some healing magic taught to Janet or Suzy, but the druid is all tuckered out right now, and the only other wizard you know is Chumbles, who won't teach any of you magic unless you get those berries. Though you can go to the hunting grounds now to wait for the hunters to come, they won't be here until tomorrow.

>>687557
Power nap?

Right. That's a quest for tomorrow. Let's hunt for something to do in the meantime.

...Hey druid guy, you know, if we bring that jerk some berries, he'll teach us his magic. Then we can use his power against him to protect more berries in the future.

See if your healing spell works on inanimate objects by healing one of Suzy's bad drawings.

Yes try mending the drawing!

PM 2015/12/07(Mon)17:31 No. 687599 ID: dd50f8
File 144953829531.jpg - (106.89KB , 1024x819 , yuki_snow__bad_oc__by_cptn_quint-d83bnom.jpg )

>>687557
It's time to give your druidic healing a test run. You ask Suzy to give you one of her OC drawings. She shows you a wolf girl with two wings and weird sword.

You attempt to heal the OC to improve it, your hands glowing green and letting out a nice minty scent, but deep down the OC believes in itself and knows that it's perfect just the way it is. There is no effect.

Without much else to do, you tell the girls that you're going to take a power nap until something interesting happens or you somehow sleep all the way to the next day to fight the hunters.

Don the druid pulls out some little beds of leaves for you all to sleep on.

---

You are now dreaming.
What is your favorite fruit?

Bananas.

Blood oranges.

kiwi

Blood bananas

>>687599
Blood Tangerines

Yggdrasil and the various blood fruit that fall off its branches.

Gum-Gum

PM 2015/12/07(Mon)19:37 No. 687626 ID: dd50f8
File 144954586427.jpg - (5.01MB , 3840x2400 , Nature___Forest_Stream_in_the_forest_at_night_0654.jpg )

>>687599
You
Love
Blood
Bananas

You used to eat them all the time back when you had your vampire hunting license. In vampire claimed areas of the land, blood fruits and blood vegetables grew all over the place, but you always liked the blood bananas the most. Now most of the vampires have been defeated, and the lands reclaimed by the kingdom, but the blood fruits and veggies still remain...don't worry, they don't actually have any real blood in them...you think.

---

You wake up in the middle of the night. Don shakes the two girls awake.

"Hey...hey guys...the hunters...those hunters came earlier than I thought...help me kick their asses, let's get going."

Janet, get to cover and start howling. Suzy, play the role of the scared little girl in da hood. Janet, attack from above and wait. Once they let their guard down from the show, open fire and give them PAIN. Nonlethal attacks only.

Five more minutes!

Watch out for the earthquake coming.

PM 2015/12/08(Tue)06:08 No. 687686 ID: acc3d2
File 144958373046.jpg - (87.68KB , 736x1007 , 12421ab0995230204c885e19fbbea262.jpg )

>>687626
Uuuuuugh, why does he has to wake up right now? You twist and turn, asking for five more minutes.

---

You are dreaming.
What is your favori-

---

"Get up, lazy bones!" Don shakes you awake again. Alright, alright, you're up. It's time to go to these hunting grounds. Sneaking through the bushes and past the trees under the cover of night, you see three bow wielding hunters, stumbling around looking inebriated.

"Ahhh...lovely night for a...hunt, don't ya think, boys?" asks one of the drunken hunters, reading his bow at nothing in particular.

You break the plan down to Suzy and Janet, Don listening in as well. Suzy is to go out looking scared and confused in front of the hunters, while Janet makes wolf noises. Janet will then pounce onto Suzy, confusing the hunters long enough for some non-lethal action.

Suzy walks out in front of the hunters.

"Ooooooh, poor me! I am, uh, lost and scared! I'm just a poor, defenseless girl (who's secretly a beautiful fairy seductress or something really cool like that) and I'm afraid of the scary wolves in these parts!"

Janet howls and barks like crazy. The hunters are tense and ready for action. Janet then leaps out from the bushes, in all her might...and is shot in the leg by one of the huntersmen's arrows while she's in the air. Janet falls to the ground in front of Suzy, yelping in pain.

"Ah shit!" yells out one of the hunters, "what the fuck I thought you were a wolf!"

>>687686
Rush in with expletives, Don should stay low-profile. Threaten the hunters for attacking a little girl under your charge; your cover story is that you were looking for basic mercenary / odd-jobs work and that these kids are so weird that you were the only person in your town who was willing to give them an apprenticeship. Blackmail them into giving you money and tell them that hunting while drunk is stupid. Also ask if they use poison.

Heal Janet after they leave.

Guilt trip the hunters into stopping this drunken hunting spree. If that doesn't work start punching faces, preferable the hunter's.

Try to make them feel really bad about shooting Janet, and ask them to stop hunting.
And heal Janet after they are out of sight so they feel they really messed up.

>>687713
yup

>>687713
Yes, maximum guilt trip them.

If we're lucky, they'll try and pay you off and get the hell out of there before they get in trouble for shooting a kid.

Have Suzy tease the hunters by flashing them with her gazongas.

>>687686
Janet may be bleeding and whimpering in pain, but that doesn't mean all is lost. You tell Don to stay in the bushes while you rush out with a new plan.

The hunters have gathered around the girls, unsure of what to do. You come up and try to give them the best solution. You say that you were just out for a late night stroll with your apprentices, looking for mercenary jobs, and that these hunters will be in a lot of trouble if they don't give up their hunting ways and leave these grounds. You then bend over and attempt to use a healing spell...but something doesn't feel right.

The hunters look at each other, and then back at you.

"You know," says one of the hunters, "if we kill all of you, then there's no way you can tell on us!"

FIGHT TIME!

DALE PENNYMEADOW (you)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword]
>Magic [spells: druidic healing]
>Items [rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET (leg pierced)
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

>DON will act on his own accord

TARGETS
>Hunter 1
>Hunter 2
>Hunter 3

Attain MORAL HIGH GROUND bonus! Resorting to child murder just to stay out of trouble! Tut tut. Why can't they be fine, upstanding (child throwing into danger) citizen like us?

>what do
Archers aren't much good at melee range, and Janet can't close with a hurt leg.

Throw her at one of them.

Have Suzy break out the fake vampire teeth and have her start biting them all.

First off, get Janet to grab your head and run to cover so you can fix up her leg.
Also try throwing that rock at the face of whoever looks like they are the best shot.

Stab one of them in the stomach with the sword.

>>687745
Child killers are worse than vampires. Steak them in the heart.

They can't shoot if they don't have ammo! Yell at Don to turn their arrows into gnarled roots.

Do you get more cool points for starting battle with a handicap?

>>687745
You order Suzy to bite one of the hunters as you grab Janet in your arms, and then drop her on top of your head. Rushing to cover, you watch as Suzy runs up to the first hunter and bites him in the neck. He shakes her off, and she leaves behind a few puncture wounds. Nothing too crazy, but he's starting to bleed lightly.

You consider whether you should throw a rock at the hunters or start healing Janet right away. Morality gets the better of you, and your heads release the minty healing freshness. You begin to repair Janet's leg, removing the arrow in the process.

Don speaks in an ancient tongue and leaps from the bushes. A vine bursts out from the ground under him, speeds over to the second hunter, and whips them in the head, knocking them over and leaving some head trauma.

The first hunter, a little peeved off that a teen girl bit his neck, stabs her in the chest with one of his arrows. The third hunter joins in, pulling out a dagger and stabbing her in the back.

DALE PENNYMEADOW (you)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword]
>Magic [spells: druidic healing]
>Items [rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET (healing)
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY (chest and back stabbed, heavy pain)
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

>DON will act on his own accord

TARGETS
>Hunter 1 (light bleeding)
>Hunter 2 (head trauma)
>Hunter 3

Whack archer number 2 with your hammer to keep him stunned for the rest of the battle. Stake archer number 3! Hammer the nail straight into the lung! Heal that after the battle if you can. Stab archer number 1.

Janet, rush in while they're distracted and bite an archer hard until you feel the flesh rip into your throat!

Suzy, begin screaming. Make it loud enough to stun the archers.

Tell Suzy to stay strong like one of her really cool OCs, and try to finish healing Janet as quick as you can.
Also ask Don to help her not get hurt any more if he isn't doing that already.

>>687792
You finish healing Janet, and immediately spring back into action. You rush towards the first and third hunters, and shove your stake right into the neck of the first hunter. He falls to the ground, bleeding heavily now. Janet runs over and bites the leg of the third hunter as hard as she can, leaving nasty teeth marks and causing some pretty strong pain. Suzy attempts to limp away from the action. Don starts dancing around in a circle. Is he performing a spell? You're not sure. The second hunter has finally pulled himself up. He's still too woozy to attack, but he is standing. The third hunter kicks Janet off of his leg and stabs you in the back.


DALE PENNYMEADOW (back stabbed)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword]
>Magic [spells: druidic healing]
>Items [rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY (chest and back stabbed, heavier pain)
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

>DON will act on his own accord

TARGETS
>Hunter 1 (heavy bleeding)
>Hunter 2 (head trauma)
>Hunter 3 (hurt leg)

Tackle the third hunter and use your sword with his throat!

Suzy, steal any bows and/or arrows you find! Focus on stalling the second hunter!

Janet, jump up and down on the first hunter! Ramble about the physics of banana bombanas!

Don had better be ready with that spell!

>>687865
Don finishes his dance, and you start to hear growling from the darkness surrounding you. A massive wolf runs out from behind a tree and bites the third hunter. The wolf begins to maul the third hunter as Janet joins in, putting the third hunter in critical condition.

You take your time to pin the first hunter to the grand and stab him in the neck one more time with your crappy sword, killing him.

Suzy grabs one of the fallen arrows and lunges towards the second hunter. She stabs him in the chest, but he fights through it, kicking Suzy to the ground. Suzy's not looking too good.


DALE PENNYMEADOW (back stabbed)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword]
>Magic [spells: druidic healing]
>Items [rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY (CRITICAL CONDITION)
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

>DON and WOLF will act on their own accord

TARGETS

>Hunter 2 (head trauma, stabbed)
>Hunter 3 (being mauled, CRITICAL CONDITION)

Heal Suzy and have Janet and her wolf brethren attack the Suzy's target if possible

Heal Suzy as soon as you can, and have Janet cover you while you heal Suzy.

Heal Suzy and have Janet beat the heck out of the 3rd hunter with her bone.

>>687877
heal suzy but ask if she wants to keep the bitchin' scars, scars are radical

PM 2015/12/09(Wed)15:55 No. 687930 ID: acc3d2
File 144970533260.png - (8.96KB , 400x400 , piq_28290_400x400.png )

>>687911
The wolf leaves the third hunter to drown in his own blood as Don points at the second hunter. The wolf pounces on top of him, and begins tearing at his face. Howling and giggling, Janet helps the wolf by smacking the second hunter with her bone. You rush over to Suzy and begin healing her, though it will take a little while to get her up and running again. Good thing you made it to Suzy as soon as you did, she could very well have died.

Luckily for you, the third hunter has finally given in to his wounds and gives up on life, and with the second hunter now in critical condition, the battle is finally over.

VICTORY!
>Hunter 1: DEAD, 5 Cool Points
>Hunter 2: CRITICAL CONDITION, 5 Cool Points
>Hunter 3: DEAD, 5 Cool Points

>TOTAL CP EARNED: 15
>PLEASE DISTRIBUTE YOUR CP
>YOU: 5 CP, JANET: 10 CP, SUZY: 1 CP

>DON (and his wolf) refuses to take CP.

Give 9 to Suzy for not dying, and the rest evenly between Janet and you.

Give 8 to Suzy and the rest to Janet.

I take that back, if Suzy gets cool, she can't learn the healing spell. Make Janet the coolest mascot ever.

Better not take any CP for this or that druid might get angry at you. Give 9 to Suzy and the rest to Janet.

Can we just wait to distribute the CP until after we're done with the druid, here?

Then I say 9 Suzy, 5 for 1, 1 for Janet. You'll be equal-cool again.

PM 2015/12/09(Wed)17:00 No. 687945 ID: cb0c25
File 144970923250.jpg - (12.68KB , 460x250 , Ivy-Plant-460x250.jpg )

>>686590
>CP DISTRIBUTED
>YOU: 8 CP, JANET: 13 CP, SUZY: 10 CP
>SUZY LEVELED UP
>SUZY WENT FROM...Complete Outcast...to Hopeless Loser!

Suzy, still very out of it due to her wounds, feels an intense rush of coolness filling her body.

"I was really...cool, right?"

Suzy lifts a weak hand into the air, expecting a high five. You give it to her, and she feels totally awesome. Don sits by you and Suzy, and performs his own druidic healing spell on her, speeding up the healing process.

Janet, riding on the back of Don's wolf, is having the time of her life. The wolf rests by Don's side.

"So...that got pretty hectic there," says Don, "sorry about the girl here...say, after we heal her up, how about I teach you that other druid spell you wanted. How about vine whip? It's a good way to smack your enemies around, and if you aim it just right, you can disarm people with it too. Hell, just for all the trouble I caused you, I'll even teach the spell to one of your friends here if you want instead, even if they aren't druid material, just this once though."

Vine whip is tempting, but the girls got hit more than you did for all that CP. They probably deserve a healing spell more than you do. Ask Don if he'll teach an advanced healing spell to one of the girls.

Also, take the bows of the hunters. See if you can heal the second hunter, keep him captive for a while until you can turn him in for a reward. Or maybe Don would like to experiment on the guy; death-row guinea pigs are expensive these days.

Ask don to teach Suzy the healing spell so you have two healers in case one is incapacitated.
Also ask Janet to draw a cool drawing of Suzy to give to her once she gets better.

A whip is a pretty vital spell for a vampire hunter!

Woo hoo whip powers!

PM 2015/12/10(Thu)00:21 No. 687972 ID: cb0c25
File 144973566828.jpg - (452.48KB , 1366x768 , 14030-sunrise-in-the-forest-1366x768-nature-wallpa.jpg )

>>687945
You ask Don if he can teach one of the girls an advanced healing spell instead.

"Ehhhhh...maybe, but I've already got my hands all ready for a vine spell...come back to me in a little while, we'll talk about it. For now, give me your hands, it's time for you to learn vine whip."

---

After many hours of rubbing hands and plant touching, you have learned the spell vine whip.

Don is all tuckered out again and falls asleep right after teaching you just as the sun rises. You and everyone else are feeling pretty tired too. Suzy is limping, but she can at least walk.

Maybe you should just rest a bit here too with Don, then ask him about learning another spell for the girls later...then again, with Don asleep, nothing's stopping you from grabbing those blood berries he was guarding, rushing over to Chumbles' place, and getting him to teach some kick ass spells.

Absolutely nothing could go wrong with betraying a violent druid's trust, let's go! Make sure to plant some of the berries before turning over the rest so that we piss off both magic men.

>>687972
be honorabru and don't steal your druid friend's berries, he promised us a better healing spell

Please don't steal from Don after that fiasco. You don't want to betray his trust, not after he taught you some powerful spells. What if he has a way to disable your magic?

For now, time to go on another adventure. Unless you want to guard the berry bush. It will probably be fine, so find another berry bush in the woods.

And PLEASE scavenge the dead hunters. Those were BOWS.

Stealing from Don after him being so nice would be really uncool, and you still want that other spell. Maybe try asking Don where you can find other berries that aren't his?

PM 2015/12/10(Thu)13:11 No. 688029 ID: cb0c25
File 144978191345.jpg - (1.15MB , 1280x1904 , blood_berries_by_bert13one12.jpg )

>>687972
You stumble over to the dead hunters and take their bows from them. With three bows in total, you give one bow to Suzy, one to Janet, and one to yourself. Splitting the arrows up amongst you, you each have 10 arrows.

You decide to not be a dick, refusing to steal the berries while Don is asleep. Instead, you'll gently nudge him awake.

"Wuh...what's up?"

You ask him if there's anyone else he might know who could have blood berries.

"Uuuhhh...well, besides for just buying them in another town, I think I might have an idea, maybe...there's a carriage that comes by the road every once in awhile. It belongs to some noble guy who has a cottage out in these parts. Rich people like berries, right? Just watch the roads and follow the carriage when it comes by, you can't miss it."

>>688029
That's not solid logic for investigating, but thank Don anyway.

Either complete the goblin quest or go stalk the noble for loot.

I guess wait for the carriage to show up, and ask if they have any berries. If not, go do the goblin quest, but if they do then ask if there is a way you can get some.

It's the middle of the night, and we're hanging out near the scene of a murder. Either we should stay here to try and get that healing spell, or we should go clean up and find some place in town to be--far away from the scene of the crime--while we sleep.

>>688029
Well we shouldn't resort to highway robber just cause these guys might know where some berries are.

Yeah, let's try talking to them. Maybe our slightly cooler party members will be able to diplomacy through this.

PM 2015/12/10(Thu)19:15 No. 688101 ID: cb0c25
File 144980374816.png - (442.42KB , 714x536 , 20.png )

>>688029
Well, let's hope that nap from before keeps you moving. The sun is up now, and you and the crew are going to wait by the roads until a carriage comes by. You thank Don for all his help, and leave. Don goes back to sleep.

You go through the woods until you can find the road again. You and the girls sit down and wait for any interesting carriages to come by.

"I really wish I could ride that wolf again hey maybe now that you know that vine spell you can smack lady butts with it my mom really likes it when dad does that" says Janet.

"Ugghhh...my body still hurts" whines Suzy.

You wait for a long while until a fog begins to roll in. Even though it is day right now, this strange fog seems to darken the sky. You worry that the spooks might come out. You hear the clopping noise of horses and the spinning of wheels, and see a large black carriage going down the road. The windows of the carriage are covered by thick curtains, and a strange looking hunched man is in control of the horses. Maybe that's the guy Don was talking about.

You and the girls stand in front of the road, and the carriage comes to a stop. The man driving the carriage looks down at you, and throws you 10 gold pieces.

"Here. Now buy yourselves some food and get out of here. My boss needs to get home."

You ask him if he, or whoever is actually in the carriage, has any blood berries.

"...no."

The man gets his horses moving again, and the carriage rides off. The fog lifts soon after.

well damn, that seemed suspicious. Is there any way to tell where they were headed? If so, I think you should investigate once you are all well rested and ready in case there is a fight.
For now i'd say get some sleep and do that goblin job from before.

>>688101
Blacked out windows? Hunched backed coachman? This is a vampire carriage if I've even seen one, follow it!

>>688101
Okay, normally it's dishonorable to rob a guy who gave you money to get out of his way. But

>>688121
Yeah. If the people inside are vampires, this may be your only chance to attack them while they're away from their base. Stalk the carriage and knock out the driver.

Just make sure you're attacking criminals and not little girls. In terms of experience that is; don't hesitate to murder a withering old mafia vampire loli if ya have to.

PM 2015/12/11(Fri)03:48 No. 688158 ID: cb0c25
File 144983449831.jpg - (7.09KB , 300x300 , img-thing.jpg )

>>688101
That carriage is suspicious, and you know you need to investigate it. Luckily enough, it seems to have left a trail of horse hoof-prints behind it. You will simply need to follow those from a good distance and hopefully you will be able to find where that carriage is going.

So...taking into account that crazy fight last night, and how Suzy isn't perfectly ready to get moving yet, you decide another quick nap for everyone is a good idea. Finding some comfortable underbrush, you and the girls sleep.

---

You are now dreaming.
What is your favorite animal?

Dogs, especially the big and fluffy kinds.

That most noble of Nature's creations, the giant centipede.

You love really fluffy sheep.

Wolves, even if they are a little annoying.

>>688158
Vampire bats. Named that way because they eat vampires. Not the other kind, that one sucks.

Wombat.

>>688158
Boa constrictors

>>688158
Man is the greatest animal

PM 2015/12/11(Fri)11:48 No. 688195 ID: b781f4
File 144986330586.png - (37.13KB , 212x159 , pixel_sheep_by_sheepolution-d498rk9.png )

>>688158
Ah yes, the sheep. You always wanted to have a sheep of your very own. Maybe that's why you moved to that little farm village, because of all the cute sheep. Never really got to have a sheep of your own when you were hunting vampires with Phillip Dollarfield, and you never actually took care of your own sheep ever since, but still, they're pretty great.

---

You and the girls wake up. It's later in the afternoon, and Suzy looks like she's generally better. The hoof-prints are still up there, and hopefully you will be able to follow them right to where this suspicious carriage leads. Then again, who's to say you can't head into town and goof off a bit first?

Forget the possible vampire for the moment, go have some fun.

You have been working really hard the past couple days, you all deserve to have a little fun. And who knows, you might find something worth while too, like a new friend.

Follow the trail, you know how much nobles pay for dinner and a show of the socially inept and basically they want to see stupid.

You should also case the mansion / fortress / whatever during daylight. Afterwards, scavenge for nuts and blood berries on your way back. See what's new on the bounty board.

You should go secure your-self a pet sheep to join you on your journey. Every rag tag team needs some kind of pet to help keep morals high.

PM 2015/12/12(Sat)09:58 No. 688284 ID: e0e3fe
File 144994311721.jpg - (101.47KB , 736x546 , 144938975013.jpg )

>>688195
You know what? You've been doing a lot of hard stuff lately, and you and the girls deserve a little break. The tracks aren't going to disappear anytime soon, probably. With Janet getting back on your head and Suzy riding on your back, you march on back to Snickersberg.

Well, it's time to relax a bit...but how? You believe you hear a ukulele playing from inside the bar. You also see that there's a group of clowns walking into the circus tent thing. Besides that, nothing too fun seems...oh hey look, there's a bake sale going on.

>>688284
Bake Sale!

But seriously, go buy some weapons for the vampire raid.

>>688284
Bake sale!

Two of the party will be much more dangerous once you get them high on sugar.

PM 2015/12/12(Sat)13:03 No. 688340 ID: e0e3fe
File 144995423671.png - (7.79KB , 400x400 , piq_226522_400x400.png )

>>688284
You head over to the little stand in the middle of town selling various treats. A little old lady is working at it, handing out cookies and taking gold. Upon closer inspection, you recognize this woman as Gloria Ploop, someone from your home town.

"Oh hello dearies, would you like to buy some treats? All funds go to hiring Phillip Dollarfield to save the princess."

>Sugar cookie: Great for a boost of energy: 1 gold
>Slice o' cake: Win someone over with a delicious slice of cake: 2 gold
>Donut Roll: Some say this has minor healing properties, being so delicious: 3 gold
>Cookie helmet: A helmet made out of cookies. You can wear it and eat it!: 4 gold
>Shiny Dagger: Good for shanking someone trying to take your cookies: 7 gold

>You have 12 gold.

>>688340
Hell no, boycott that shit.

>>688340
Buy 3 cookies, one for each.

>>688340
Knock her out and give the cookies and profits she made directly to the poor and downtrodden, the ones you can trust on intuition to spread the wealth to the best of their ability.

After all, you ARE going to "hire" Phillip yourself - even if you have to nail him to a Wooden Horse and push him straight into the kidnappers at the crack of dawn.

>>688351
How is he going to knock her out when she has that dagger?

Get a cookie each. The girls deserve a treat after all their help.

No stealing cookies, that's work, and we're trying to relax.

Besides, any money in that fund will end up funding our mission eventually, so the cookies are basically free.

>Besides, any money in that fund will end up funding our mission eventually, so the cookies are basically free.

No you fool, the money goes towards funding the corrupt symbols of hierarchy from l'ancien regime that we as an anarchist outcast must resist! Paying money to feed the obsessions of the rich (like rescuing some damn figurehead princess) is figurative vampirism sucking the financial lifeblood of the poor to sustain the vampiric rich. Combat the vampirism, steal the money from Gloria Ploop!

PM 2015/12/12(Sat)23:28 No. 688440 ID: e0e3fe
File 144999168362.jpg - (106.04KB , 1008x662 , sugar_cookies.jpg )

>>688340
This may be one of the toughest decisions you have ever had to make in all your life. On one hand, you and the girls could use some sugar cookies. On the other hand, you have the strong urge to murder this old woman for daring to support someone as vile as Phillip Dollarfield. You cookie lust overcomes your blood lust, however, and you by three sugar cookies for each of you.

You now have 9 gold.

Now, this is an important decision. Do you eat the cookies now for that great taste and sugar high, or save them for now and investigate the other things going on in town...or just get back to investigating that weird carriage?

Janet really needs a better weapon than a bone, and a dagger seem the perfect size for her.
I say get a dagger for Janet, and a cookie for each of you.

Also, I think eating the cookies now would be good. They look like they'd crumble or go stale pretty easily, and you bought them to enjoy them, not for items.

1 whole gold piece for a freaking cookie?

Whatever, go to the job board and the bar. Take the shortest route.

Eat them slowly throughout the day and savor every bite.

>>688440
Eat cookies, snoop around town.

PM 2015/12/13(Sun)10:30 No. 688510 ID: e0e3fe
File 145003139990.gif - (8.39KB , 440x220 , bard.gif )

>>688440
You're all hungry, right? You eat your cookie right away, and so do Janet and Suzy. You feel an immediate rush of energy fill your body.

"Oh my gosh this is the greatest cookie I've ever had I want to capture this old lady and force her to make cookies for me forever in my basement it would be the best thing ever please please please I need more!" Janet's mouth is basically foaming at this point.

"Ohhhhhh this is a really good cookie!" Suzy is jittery and twitchy. "Let's go do some cool stuff, I can take on the whole world!"

In your sugar high state, you slam down seven coins on Ploop's counter and buy the shiny dagger. You then throw the dagger over to Janet, who catches it in her teeth. You now have 2 gold.

"I am going to be the greatest werewolf cookie knife girl ever just you wait and see!"

You then run over to the notice board. No more new jobs to be had, just the missing guitar and the blood berry quests. Suzy spits on the board for wasting your sugar high time. The three of you then rush into the bar, knocking over stools as you do. The drinkers look at you all, confused. You see the source of the ukulele music, a young man rocking out on a small stage.

>>688510
Janet and Suzy, latch onto the bard.

>>688510
RAP BATTLLLLLLLLLLEEE!

Challenge the bard to a rap battle, winner gets the loser's shoes.

>>688548
No, the winner gets ALL of the loser's cool points.

PM 2015/12/13(Sun)14:45 No. 688568 ID: e0e3fe
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>>688510
It's time to get crazy!

You run over to the bard and start calling him out. You insult his musical skills and challenge him to an intense rap battle. Winner takes ALL the loser's cool points. In the heat of the moment, Suzy latches onto the bard's chest while Janet leaps on top of the bard's head. The bard doesn't seem to mind to much.

"Uh...dude, I'm not much of a rapper, man. I mean if this were a guitar off, maybe I'd take you up on the offer, but all I got on me right now is this ukulele. Goblins stole my guitar...oh, pleasure to meet you though. The name's Ryan Rockstone."

Introduce yourself, then immediately Rush over to the goblins, take his guitar back, and challenge him.
Also ask him if you can recruit him on your adventure.