Turn it inside out
hip right?

For starters, stop fucking around with that parking cone and go get an actual hat.

Well, first, you need to put a sweet wizard eye on it. Make sure the pupil is the most bomb-ass jewel you've got, too. Then you may as well cover the rest of the sucker with jewels.
Also, it's got to have a ridiculously large brim that almost obscures your face completely. That should do it, unless you ensorcell it to be able to talk, as well.

Step 1: Wear a cowboy hat
Step 2: Shoot anyone who complains with magic and/or pistols
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Profit

put a feather in it.

put a bird on it

Apply bismuth.

Suggestion 2014/12/06(Sat)21:31 No. 609613 ID: 4c5cf2
File 141793031761.gif - (127.53KB , 400x300 , improved wizard hat.gif )

>>609602
You need to work some magic and bling that shit up.

Immediately.

Apollo 2014/12/06(Sat)21:57 No. 609620 ID: 3ec38a
File 141793182685.png - (13.73KB , 800x600 , Hat02.png )

You throw away the parking cone, get a cowboy hat, turn it inside out, add wizard eye and like a MILLION gems, enlarge the brim, put a feather on it, put the rest of the bird on it, give it some bismuth, and then enchant it to speak. It then talks at length about how it SMOKES WEED EVERYDAY.

This is pretty cool now! But nowhere near as cool as...

Make it orange, with a wide, horizontal white stripe in the middle.

Or make it look like it's made from the night sky. A constantly shifting, swirling night sky. As if it's always in motion, even if it's not.

Apollo 2014/12/06(Sat)22:02 No. 609623 ID: 3ec38a
File 141793217567.png - (19.14KB , 800x600 , Hat03.png )

...Sir Sirrah Serrah's hat! He wore a comfy snow hat with a small warship, a baby panda, an anchor, a surround sound system, communism incarnate, three illuminati symbols, the Declaration of Interdependence, a moustache, and enchanted to repeat everything you say in a mocking tone!

That smug bastard! You need to make your hat EVEN COOLER.

>>609620
Use your wizard hat as an additional magical focus to summon an efreeti, then use your wish to make Sirrah Serrah's hat totally lame. Then, just to rub it in, add a few drink dispensers to your hat for quick potion access, and don't forget to put a giant red #1 on it so everyone will know who is number one. (Hint: it's you.)

it needs to be able to read minds and say whatever they say at the exact same time they say and in an even more stupid voice. double redundant in case they have mind shields in their hats, one probe distracts the shield spell and the other actually read's their mind.

>>609623
Get a demonic hat that eats other hats, thereby absorbing their coolness into itself.

>>609623
...put LEDs on it.

Put a micro planetoid floating around it.
And make the planetoid be inhabited by snarky jocks.

Apollo 2014/12/07(Sun)00:35 No. 609657 ID: 3ec38a
File 141794132576.png - (26.14KB , 800x600 , Hat04.png )

You summon an efreeti which makes Sir Sirrah Serrah's hat TOTALLY LAME. Taken that!

Then you add drink dispensers, a giant number one, a bunch of LEDs, a small orbiting planeload full of MINDREADING jocks who say what the other person is going to exactly when they say it in a stupid, snarky voice, and make your hat a hat-eating demonic hat. Then you make it the color of the everchanging night sky. If the night sky were bright orange with a white stripe.

Now THIS is really cool! But it's not quite as cool as....

You need your hat to be made of enchanted gold, ultra light with miniature rock and roll gods performing on the brim of your hat, eternally playing what you command, on a concert stage.

Apollo 2014/12/07(Sun)00:46 No. 609660 ID: 3ec38a
File 141794198609.png - (20.35KB , 800x600 , Hat05.png )

...Sir Nahn Canoon's hat! He is wearing a top hat bearing a pear tree with twelve drummers drumming, eleven pipers piping, ten lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and one extremely rude Partridge. He even has a stocking, a tiny Santa, and rose-tinted holiday glasses! The hat is enchanted to sing THAT ONE SONG that annoys you the most.

What a seasonally appropriate asshole! You need to step up your game!

Put your wizard tower on top of your hat.

Let's see anyone beat THAT.

Put your hat on a hat that's on a hat while you put THAT hat on a hat that's on your head

#hatception)

Make it exist at all points in time at once. Also install a pez dispenser.

Give the hat tons of glitter and borrow the ideas from Sir Nahn Canoon by ripping him off entirely, but adding jingle bells and a red nosed reindeer

add all the hats from Tf2 to your hat and enchant it to automatically summon any new hats that appear.

You need to hat a hat so you can hat a hat. It's simply logic, really.

Also, get professional help from a couple of Mercenaries if all else fails.

It's all Christmas themed Sir Canoon's hat would lose so much credibility if you were to abolish Christmas. Also your hat should be more on fire that'll really make it look snazzy.

Get a bigger bird sitting in a nest containing the infant savior, orbited by angels singing praise. enchant the hat to burn eternally and shine an annoying light into the eyes of people who annoy you.

Make your hat fractal. Your hat needs to be constructed out of ever smaller versions of itself.

Infinite hats on fire = infinite energy. Your hat will solve the world's energy crisises.

take the cone hat from before, add the third round of doo-dads to it, and stack it on the hat you've got!
And add to those doo-dads a hannukah candlier thing. It's HAPPY HOLIDAYS GOOD SIR!

You are overdoing it.

You're a WIZARD. THINK WITH YOUR BRAIN.

Create magic systems that produce illusions that make your wizard hat look cool without using too much weight or overheating! Hologram magics, interactive magics, anything!

Putting too much heavy stuff just makes you look like an idiot - what kind of wizard thinks that strength is everything?! A STUPID wizard, that's what! Putting on a big show using little resources makes you look smart! All the other wizards will be asking "Holy crap, how are you doing all this" and then you'll be all like "I figured out how to divide the work into submagics which are really easy to create" and they'll all take notes from you and admire you for your smarts which is what wizards are about!

Well?

START BRAINSTORMING EFFICIENT MAGIC ILLUSIONS AND TRICKS!

>>609738
Seconding this idea. Mandelbrot set hat ftw!

Alternatively, less is more. Get one of those Swedish Minimalist hats. It will really stand out among all the stupid looking hats.

>>609874
Make your wizard hat larger on the inside.
Put your tower inside it, but make your tower fractal so that it expands throughout all time and space. all hats are in your tower, and your tower is part of your hat. categorically, no hat can be cooler than your hat.

Apollo 2015/01/05(Mon)18:41 No. 618394 ID: defceb
File 142051210736.png - (1.23MB , 800x2400 , Hat06.png )

You enchant your hat to be made out of gold and then set up a miniature band of rock gods to play on it, add your wizard tower, put your hat on a hat on a hat on a hat(ception), add a pez dispenser, throw tons of glitter all over it, rip of Sir Nahn Canoon's hat entirely but with jingle bells and a red nosed reindeer, add ALL the hats from TF2, hire some mercenaries, abolish Christmas, light your hat on fire, add a bigger bird with the infant savior, some singing angels, MORE fire, a blinking light that will shine at anyone who annoys you, make it all fractal, EVEN MORE fire, then add all of those things to the traffic cone from earlier which you add on top, add the hanukkah stuff, make it all larger on the inside then add more fractal hats on the inside for infinite hats and infinite energy.

Then you make your hat exist at all points in time, destroying relativity in it's wake. Somewhere off in the distance, Albert Einstein cries.

You then go to add a Swedish minimalist hat, but you can only find a picture of Swedish minimalist architecture so you add that too.

Goddamn, this is all so cool! You can't think of a single hat that's cooler than this. But that just means you don't know of...

Apollo 2015/01/05(Mon)18:48 No. 618396 ID: defceb
File 142051250598.png - (451.54KB , 800x7000 , Hat07.png )

...Miss Swiss Miss' hat! Framed by her GLORIOUS DRILL HAIR, her hat has the ancient pillars of Cthulean horror, a swarm of majestic unicorns, the entirety of the Greek pantheon fighting against the ancient titans, the crushing weight of their parent's disappointment, speed racer wearing a slightly more comfortable hat, a mirror that reflects you but with slightly more muffin top and chin fat. Upon all of this rests their allocation of alliteration arrays allowing thirteen thundering tornadoes, a collection of clipart claxons, vivacious vivid vuvuzelas, terrifying tigers, naughty yet noble knights wearing horned hats that are hard of hearing, with wise wizards wandering woefully, quacking quandrious quails, and a macabre macaw making malicious melons.

They also have a certificate of authenticity for the hat. It's a collector's item don'tcha know?

AAhhhg! Alliteration! That's a real force multiplier. And look at how tall it is! Not to mention they were the third coolest person at last year's conference. Everyone is gonna think they're super cool to begin with. You'll need to muster every ounce of literary and linguistic might to surpass them!

Okay, STOP.

This is getting out of hand. You need to upshow your rivals, not obsess with near-impossible goals!!!

Why not make your wizard hat start out small and grow bigger holograms and more complex lightshows as time passes?

Alright it's obvious we need to break out the big guns now. Outfit your hat with a black hole that will devour and incorporate all lesser hats into itself. It will steadily grow larger and larger as it devours the weakest hats allowing it to grow and eventually devour greater and greater hats until it can devour that greatest hat ever conceived by wizard and become a hat even greater than has ever been conceived before.

>>618419
Are you mad? That's untested technology. Even with a best case scenario, we end up destroying the hats of completely innocent people who just want their heads covered. Worst case, shit gets metaphysical and it ends up eating the entire concept of hats, and I'm NOT sticking around to clean up that kind of shit again.

Apollo 2015/01/05(Mon)21:42 No. 618428 ID: defceb
File 142052294756.png - (9.03KB , 800x600 , Hat08.png )

>Okay, STOP.
>This is getting out of hand. You need to upshow your rivals, not obsess with near-impossible goals!!!

Maybe it is time to stop. Your obsession with extravagant hats has gotten out of hand. It used to be all fun and games, adding flair to hats. Now it's all wizards do day in and day you.

The therapists' number sits unused in your notebook.

You used to have a family.

Apollo 2015/01/05(Mon)21:42 No. 618429 ID: defceb
File 142052296701.png - (11.08KB , 800x600 , Hat09.png )

Now you just have an unhealthy obsession with absurd hats.

Apollo 2015/01/05(Mon)21:43 No. 618430 ID: defceb
File 142052301888.png - (9.24KB , 800x600 , Hat10.png )

You create the black hole hat.

>Are you mad? That's untested technology.

AND THEREFORE THE COOLEST TECHNOLOGY.

>>618430
...this should be enough. Show up with that one.

Apollo 2015/01/05(Mon)22:40 No. 618444 ID: defceb
File 142052645196.png - (11.58KB , 800x600 , Hat11.png )

You show up with the black hole hat. It promptly consumes every hat in the vicinity. And the building.

Apollo 2015/01/05(Mon)22:41 No. 618445 ID: defceb
File 142052650041.png - (12.29KB , 800x600 , Hat12.png )

No mortal hat is safe against your all-consuming power. The world crumbles under the might how damn cool it's become.

Apollo 2015/01/05(Mon)22:42 No. 618446 ID: defceb
File 142052656255.png - (13.34KB , 800x600 , Hat13.png )

Not even the stars are safe! The great cosmic hats are absorbed into your own.

Apollo 2015/01/05(Mon)22:45 No. 618448 ID: defceb
File 142052669973.png - (28.31KB , 800x600 , Hat14.png )

"Enough!" A great voice echoes across the increasingly barren cosmos. The void cracks open revealing the very Heaven of all hats. The clouds part, angels sing, and the great God of hats glares down upon you.

"You have gone too far! If you don't redeem yourself with a hat so splendorous even I am impressed I will smite you this instant!"

Fire Hawking radiation into his face then assume the Hat Throne.

Use the black hole as a wormhole- tap into all possible alternate universes. Express all possible hats as the superposition of greatest hat possible.

Make the hat that contains his brain.

>>618448
Bend the very fabric of the universe into a hat shape. MAKE THE UNIVERSE INTO A HAT.

>>618448
Make... a perfectly simple hat.

Not just simple.

PERFECTLY simple. A return to the basics. A hat that not just looks good, but makes the wearer look good.

>>618463
You have transended to a state of perfect oneness with hats.

Create a simple and classy hat, practical. Something someone would want to wear, something thats fashionable and something you want to wear, but something perfectly simple.

Apollo 2015/01/06(Tue)19:57 No. 618607 ID: defceb
File 142060305702.png - (7.49KB , 800x600 , Hat15.png )

>Use the black hole as a wormhole- tap into all possible alternate universes. Express all possible hats as the superposition of greatest hat possible.
>Make the hat that contains his brain.
>Bend the very fabric of the universe into a hat shape.
>Make... a perfectly simple hat.
>You have transcended to a state of perfect oneness with hats.

Apollo 2015/01/06(Tue)20:00 No. 618609 ID: defceb
File 142060322035.png - (13.52KB , 800x600 , Hat16.png )

Scientists of all ages have looked out to understand the greater nature of the universe. The named atoms and peered into the hearts of galaxies in their pursuit. But they were all wrong.

Apollo 2015/01/06(Tue)20:01 No. 618610 ID: defceb
File 142060327319.png - (15.53KB , 800x600 , Hat17.png )

It's just hats. All the way down it's hats. With your magic you've warped the very basis of reality into hats.

Apollo 2015/01/06(Tue)20:01 No. 618611 ID: defceb
File 142060330509.png - (7.52KB , 800x600 , hat18.png )

Everything is now hats.

Apollo 2015/01/06(Tue)20:02 No. 618612 ID: defceb
File 142060334695.png - (28.64KB , 800x600 , Hat19.png )

"It's so beautiful!" The God says while weeping at your creation.

Apollo 2015/01/06(Tue)20:02 No. 618613 ID: defceb
File 142060336771.png - (25.34KB , 800x600 , Hat20.png )

THEN you shoot him with Hawking Radiation and ascend to the Hat Throne.

>>618614
But were the wizards at the conference impressed?

Hat/Hat would hat again.

Bravo, wizard! Bravo!

Hat hat hat hat hattily hatter hatter.
Hat Hat.

Heh what's going on? What was that about hats?

Hat/Hats hats hat hat. Hat hat hat, hathatathat hat hat my hat. So hat i hat everyhat.

>>618617
And no, the ungateful unappreciative snobs.

>>618660
What! Seriously! Dammit I missed the whole thing!