Fuck that ladder. Bash a hole in the wall instead.

up up(the ladder) down down(the other side) left right left right (defend and counter attack) b a start (...uhhh, yes)

Punk 2014/04/22(Tue)18:12 No. 571984 ID: f93bc2
File 139821554547.png - (92.41KB , 600x600 , pg3.png )

>>571977

YEAH, GET FUCKED, WALL!!!!

Punk 2014/04/22(Tue)18:12 No. 571985 ID: f93bc2
File 139821556526.png - (57.20KB , 600x600 , pg4.png )

Looks like they didn't see THAT shit coming. They're hardly prepared at all, look at these two schmucks who you obviously caught unawares. This is going to be so fucking easy. What's the next step of your epic quest, you badass.

Toss your spear through one of them and then point at the other one and scowl. If he does not instantly throw down his weapons and join your side then rush him and beat him to death with your shield.

Impale one with your spear then use that new corpse-spear combo to beat the other one to death.

Punk 2014/04/22(Tue)19:02 No. 571992 ID: f93bc2
File 139821855968.png - (47.96KB , 600x600 , pg5.png )

>>571986

He pathetically pulls up his shield, intending to block. What a laugh. A guard just makes it STRONGER!

Punk 2014/04/22(Tue)19:02 No. 571993 ID: f93bc2
File 139821857249.png - (11.08KB , 600x600 , pg6.png )

ULTIMATE BADASS TECHNIQUE SPEAR OF 1000 FUCK YOUS

Punk 2014/04/22(Tue)19:03 No. 571994 ID: f93bc2
File 139821858836.png - (59.44KB , 600x600 , pg7.png )

What remains of the man lies caked on the fortress wall. The occasional drip can be heard in the stony silence that follows this devastating attack.

Punk 2014/04/22(Tue)19:03 No. 571995 ID: f93bc2
File 139821860468.png - (32.11KB , 600x600 , pg8.png )

You turn to the other soldier, but find that the plan worked a bit TOO well. He sits on his knees, weapons tossed to the ground haphazardly as he grovels and begs for his life. Only one thing to do with him now, before going inside. It will be the real tone setter of the legend, of course. It will be a tale of..

(Choose Mercy, brutality, slaughter, etc.)

Mercy. He understands all too well that he is no match for your strength, and your awesomeness need not be visited upon him, for now.

Punk 2014/04/22(Tue)19:18 No. 571998 ID: f93bc2
File 139821950319.png - (32.74KB , 600x600 , pg8pause.png )

(something came up. Continue tomorrow)

>>571995
Brutality. Push his face in. Or maybe throw him through the door as an introduction to the ensuing massacre. He'll live.

Tell him if he wants to live he must follow you and bear witness to your amazing deeds. Once you have taken the fort you can let him go and he will spread the tale of your Badassness.

If he hesitates slap him around until he agrees.

>>572001
This. All true badasses need a chronicler/temporary meat shield.

>>572001
YES.

>>571995
Mercifully brutal slaughter. Obviously.

What is a story without a witness? Have mercy on his sorry ass and start recording

Punk 2014/04/23(Wed)18:16 No. 572132 ID: f93bc2
File 139830217946.png - (33.38KB , 600x600 , pg9.png )

You decide, in your gracious saint-like nature, to spare the man and use him as a conscript for your siege of the fort. He anxiously accepts, thanking you profusely as he greedily takes the quill and parchment you hand him. He immediately starts writing on the events leading up to you Jackson Pollocking his best friend all over the castle wall.

Punk 2014/04/23(Wed)18:16 No. 572134 ID: f93bc2
File 139830220492.png - (63.49KB , 600x600 , pg11.png )

YEAH GET WRECKED, DOOR! FUCK YOOUUUU!

Punk 2014/04/23(Wed)18:17 No. 572135 ID: f93bc2
File 139830222103.png - (68.39KB , 600x600 , pg12.png )

Before you stands the fort's measly defens- Holy SHIT who are THESE GUYS?! You take one look at these two hard motherfuckers and instantly know that they're are BADASS TO THE MAX. You recognise them as BLACK LOVE LUGO, a scourge to all men except the one who's paying the MOST. And TEPI EYARA, DEVIL OF THE SAND, known to most as banished Prince of the Land of Eyara, where he's probably also equally as badass. They've both obviously been hired as mercenaries by the owners of this PUNY FORTRESS. A DAMN shame considering just how badass they are.. But they stand in your way.

Your GANGLY SQUIRE readies his parchment and quill behind you.. What do you do?

>>572135
Time to make some fucking HISTORY! Take them both on at once and prove yourself to be the ultimate badass! Make sure your squire draws and writes about every last muscle flex of this fight, this story will make you known forever!

>>572135
Disarm the two-sword guy somehow then kick the sword at the other one in midair.

Run between the two and do a taunting dance.

Then evade both attacks so they kill each other while trying to hit you.

>>571995
Mercy, on the condition he follows you around and carries your extra shit.

slying roundhouse kick sword guy into mace guy, stab through both of them, killing sword guy, then when you pull the spear back twist it so it launches sword guy's corpse away and then shield-uppercut mace guy into the roof.

Sprint forth and almost surprise the mace guy, grab his weapon while he holds it and smash it against the sword guy. The sword guy isn't wearing any body armor but has a BADASS helmet. His weakness is his head because those swords must be able to defend his body perfectly. Aim the morningstar towards his head and BLACK LOVE LUGO's body towards his sabre protected body.

When TEPI EYARA stands up kick him in the knee or something.

Aren't you supposed to first talk smack when you meet other badasses?
Like something something banished Princess and his lover Hugo. Then point your thumb at the ground to indicate that you will wipe the floor with them and so forth.

Pick up the closer of the two, and throw him through the other as if he were a spear.

stick 'em with the pointy end.

They're your bros man, EPIC DRINKING CONTEST!

Cutscene Punk 2014/04/24(Thu)17:14 No. 572250 ID: f93bc2
File 139838487020.png - (45.79KB , 600x600 , pg13.png )

Your (newly)loyal squire readies his quill and parchment in anticipation as the entire room hears the flexing of your muscles through your chain-mail...

Punk 2014/04/24(Thu)17:14 No. 572251 ID: f93bc2
File 139838488312.png - (36.25KB , 600x600 , pg14.png )

HAAAAA!

Punk 2014/04/24(Thu)17:15 No. 572253 ID: f93bc2
File 139838490542.png - (41.12KB , 600x600 , pg16.png )

OOF!

Punk 2014/04/24(Thu)17:15 No. 572256 ID: f93bc2
File 139838493298.png - (13.37KB , 600x600 , pg19.png )

MEGA

Punk 2014/04/24(Thu)17:15 No. 572257 ID: f93bc2
File 139838494441.png - (10.03KB , 600x600 , pg20.png )

DRAGONSLAYER UPPERCUT

Punk 2014/04/24(Thu)17:16 No. 572258 ID: f93bc2
File 139838496009.png - (54.14KB , 600x600 , pg21.png )

The two BADASSES have been defeated with ease. Though if you had done even slightly a lesser move, they would have undoubtedly defeated you. TEPI EYARA lies motionless, dead against the wall.. You hear a conversation and several panicked voices coming from upstairs as BLACK LOVE LUGO apparently has a conversation with whoever is up there, his body wedged into the ceiling. He lives for now.

Cutscene End Punk 2014/04/24(Thu)17:16 No. 572259 ID: f93bc2
File 139838498458.png - (32.26KB , 600x600 , pg22.png )

Your squire timidly approaches. He gratuitously praises your SWEET MOVES, and begins to favor calling you Sire. It seems any apprehension he may have had was wiped out by witnessing that beauty. He suggests that it would have been super cool if you had said something witty, like called them princess or something. Or even had a cool drinking contest and gotten them to join your side instead of beating them up... THIS FUCKIN' GUY WITH HIS LATE IDEAS. You stand silently in frustration. "A real man doesn't need to do things like that." You lie, utterly. You missed a chance, big time. He asks what you're going to do now that the people upstairs obviously know you're here.

(A- Rush upstairs like a BADASS caring not for silly things like planning)
(B- Go through the door to the West)
(C- Go through the door to the East)
(D- Go outside and survey the fort for other entrances)
(E- Other. Insert suggestion)

>>572258
Jump up through the ceiling, kill everyone in the room, then slowly walk up to Lugo and cut his head off with one of Tepi's swords- wait if we jump up through the floor the squire can't see our awesome fight. I guess we'll have to use the stairs. Or maybe you could throw Tepi through the ceiling to create an entrance hole then grab the squire and jump up through with him?

Or pull Lugo out of the ceiling and jump up to where he was... or maybe you could estimate how long it'd take the squire to get to the top of the stairs and time your jump through the floor to make sure he sees the fight.

This fuckin' guy. Come ON, we can't just start out our legendary tale with tea and princesses and shit. Ya gotta draw people in first, THEN show 'em how REALLY badass you are. Bring out the wit in response to REAL challenges. Continue with the 'loudest man in Fort Brudis' tactic for now.

>>572259
befriend the helmet guy, just tell him you did all that so he knew who was boss around here.

The poor boy can't fathom the ways of a true badass. Inform him that if he wants to be a true squire to a badass he must suggest less and study more. Prove your point by throwing your spear up Lugo's arse and then jumping through the ceiling to kill everyone upstairs. Bonus badassery: do all the killing near the hole you make so the squire can still chronicle it all from below.

Other: Pick up one of those railings for the stairway, use it to poke through the ceiling and kill Lugo and whoever else is up there.

Go West life is peaceful there.

Cutscene Punk 2014/04/26(Sat)15:49 No. 572447 ID: f93bc2
File 139855254562.png - (30.91KB , 600x600 , pg23.png )

You take your loyal squire in your arms as the muscles in your legs tense up, preparing to jump."Sire, what are you doing?! This pose is.." He shouts as he shifts uncomfortably, looking in your eyes.

Punk 2014/04/26(Sat)15:49 No. 572448 ID: f93bc2
File 139855256128.png - (16.37KB , 600x600 , pg24.png )

You pause, taking a deep breath and returning his stare..

Punk 2014/04/26(Sat)15:49 No. 572449 ID: f93bc2
File 139855258586.png - (17.21KB , 600x600 , pg25.png )

FffffffFFFFFFFFF....

Punk 2014/04/26(Sat)15:50 No. 572450 ID: f93bc2
File 139855260681.png - (58.65KB , 600x600 , pg26.png )

FFFUUUUCK YOU, FLOOOOOORRR!!

Punk 2014/04/26(Sat)15:50 No. 572451 ID: f93bc2
File 139855262295.png - (47.24KB , 600x600 , pg27.png )

You immediately realize you've put yourself into a very precarious situation.

Punk 2014/04/26(Sat)15:50 No. 572452 ID: f93bc2
File 139855264779.png - (31.80KB , 600x600 , pg28.png )

It occurs to you that you are currently surrounded by nearly 60 guards all with crossbows pointed in your direction. You also observe that there are 3 more UTTER BADDASSES up here, probably from the same mercenary group as the two downstairs.

Punk 2014/04/26(Sat)15:51 No. 572453 ID: f93bc2
File 139855266030.png - (35.59KB , 600x600 , pg29.png )

...One downstairs..

Punk 2014/04/26(Sat)15:51 No. 572454 ID: f93bc2
File 139855268128.png - (30.62KB , 600x600 , pg30.png )

The head BADASS steps forward, a wicked grin on his face. He introduces himself as HORUZ WAITZ, HALF SON OF A GIANT. That kind of seems like some bullshit, you comment idly. He vehemently denies your accusation, pointing out that he 'towers over you' as he releases a cackle.

Punk 2014/04/26(Sat)15:51 No. 572455 ID: f93bc2
File 139855269927.png - (40.37KB , 600x600 , pg31.png )

You're not THAT much taller.. You comment. He says you just have bad eyes, and that everyone else can tell it's super obvious.

Punk 2014/04/26(Sat)15:51 No. 572456 ID: f93bc2
File 139855271679.png - (56.18KB , 600x600 , pg32.png )

His men look as though they're suffering second-hand embarrassment. You are in a deadly situation. You can't just go into this without thought. One wrong move and it will spell your doom. One thing has become abundantly clear...

You're gonna have to do something SUPER FUCKING BADASS.

[Cutscene End]

Completely fucking annihilate the floor in a single blow, causing everyone to fall to the ground floor.

Then use the creepy-faced guy with the helmet as a projectile against the dude with the big nose before you start cutting Horuz down to size.

Ooh that's a good one, say that.

Jump up through the ceiling again. If there is another ambush just keep jumping up until you reach a safe floor.

Since you're such a hardcore badass, you could obviously slaughter the whole room or smash the floor so everyone falls or something. Your squire, however, would probably be caught in the collateral badassery and get himself killed.

I suggest picking up the squire again and starting to jump up floors until you find a safe one. From there, you can find a fitting place to wreck the garrison in a BLAZE OF BADASSERY without endangering your new chronicler.

Look around, and then order the crossbowmen to fire.

When they do, explode up a floor and out of the way, leaving the circle or archers to shoot each other / themselves to death.

Then slam back down in the middle of the ring or arrow-riddled corpses and challenge the remaining, now minion-less, badasses.

Is using Horuz Waitz as a melee weapon sufficiently badass? Because beating up your foes using your foe as a club seems pretty badass, but this might not be quite sufficiently badass.

Headbutt him so hard his stupid hair flys off and kills the guy behind him.

Then tell them you are the new leader of the group and you are taking this fort one way or the other.

Reveal the reason behind your pitch-black eyes. YOU ARE NO LONGER HUMAN.

>>572456
"Hey, you guys in the back there. Wanna ditch this loser and go get some drinks? I mean shit, just look at this fucking dork, he thinks he's straight outta the animes or something.
I mean, the alternative here is I kick everyone's ass while my slave-bard here documents the whole thing, so its either that or death, right?"
Also, be sure to give a nice hello to pirate-king usopp back there

Punk 2014/04/30(Wed)18:38 No. 572798 ID: f93bc2
File 139890829608.png - (49.11KB , 600x600 , pg33.png )

The two Badasses consider your proposal, but ultimately reject it, commenting that they'd follow their captain to the end of the earth.... because he pays the most. The captain seems super satisfied with this answer.

Punk 2014/04/30(Wed)18:38 No. 572799 ID: f93bc2
File 139890831023.png - (22.17KB , 600x600 , pg34.png )

"Enough of this. Prepare to fire." Horuz commands, his troops complying "Any last words?" You don't even hesitate to reply..

Punk 2014/04/30(Wed)18:38 No. 572800 ID: f93bc2
File 139890832368.png - (54.41KB , 600x600 , pg35.png )

"FIRE!!" You roar as you explode upward, grabbing your squire. Arrows fly in all directions below you as you burst through the floor, you hear Horuz yell at his men, "YOU TEAMKILLING FUCKTARDS!"

Punk 2014/04/30(Wed)18:38 No. 572801 ID: f93bc2
File 139890833579.png - (35.25KB , 600x600 , pg36.png )

You land up a floor, clutching your pained chest as you hear distant words in your mind.. "YOU COWARD! HOW DARE YOU RETREAT FROM BATTLE!! DO IT AGAIN AND YOU'LL PAY DEARLY!!" The voice roars in a deep growl. The voice of the BADASS GOD, AZ THE AEGIS SHREDDER. The very same BADASS GOD that gave you your AMAZING ABILITIES in exchange for your VERY HUMANITY!

Punk 2014/04/30(Wed)18:39 No. 572802 ID: f93bc2
File 139890834473.png - (23.33KB , 600x600 , pg37.png )

You find yourself one floor above Horuz with your squire. The room is completely empty, Horuz apparently having instructed all of his men downstairs. This is your chance for a counterattack, or you can continue upward. What will you do, and how?

There is only one course of action that will restore your tarnished reputation, and that is returning to the carnage and finishing what you started.

>>572802
You see this floor?
Collapse the entirety of it onto the floor below.
M-M-MULTIKILL

>>572802
Ask the squire to just watch you from the ceiling. Then you can go down and unleash attacks in all directions, using the fallen men's weapons as projectiles. Maybe swing your spear around in a big arc to get some of them too. Decapitations are extra badass. So is throwing your shield through someone's torso or using things that aren't weapons as disturbingly effective weapons.

What abilities do you have aside from ridiculous strength? If you have ridiculous toughness you could even take a hit and FLEX the weapon away.

>>572804
If this is possible you should get on top of this proposal. If not we have no choice but to return to the scene of the slaughter and use Horuz Waitz as a club TO FINISH TAKING THE FORT or die trying.
You always knew being a badass wasn't going to be easy. Are you enough of a badass to restore your tainted honour in proper badass style, by using weapons that shouldn't work and making them do the job anyway?

That was no retreat! When you fire a siege weapon into the air, it's not running away. What goes up must come down, after all.

Counterattack.

Your squire's safe now, so there's no holding back. Place him at a safe spot, then smash the entire floor and counterattack! Use only the corpses of your enemies as weapons and slaughter everyone!

Do not attack Lugo unless someone pulled him out of the floor, it is not badass to attack a helpless opponent.

>>572823
...unless...
We attack him to get him out of that pinch, AND THEN WE GO FOR THE KILL.
As in, we jump down, uppercut him from below just to get him loose, and then we do the 'fuck you, floor' move on him.

Punk 2014/05/01(Thu)22:10 No. 572862 ID: f93bc2
File 139900743570.png - (33.72KB , 600x600 , pg38.png )

You were gifted with super strength and whatever else might have come with AZ THE AEGIS SHREDDER super charging all of your muscles. You ask your squire to step aside and take notes from up here.

Punk 2014/05/01(Thu)22:10 No. 572863 ID: f93bc2
File 139900745050.png - (39.36KB , 600x600 , pg39.png )

STRONGEST UNDER THE HEAVENS

Punk 2014/05/01(Thu)22:11 No. 572864 ID: f93bc2
File 139900746305.png - (12.30KB , 600x600 , pg40.png )

DESTRUCTION!!!

Punk 2014/05/01(Thu)22:11 No. 572865 ID: f93bc2
File 139900748593.png - (49.34KB , 600x600 , pg41.png )

You land down with agility before surveying your surroundings.. Why didn't the entire floor shatter?! Your punches are usually more than enough to do tha- AZ! AZ THE AEGIS SHREDDER must have taken away some of your power as a punishment! You are currently at 80% BADASS LEVEL.

Punk 2014/05/01(Thu)22:11 No. 572866 ID: f93bc2
File 139900750147.png - (66.25KB , 600x600 , pg42.png )

You quickly find the BADASSES in the crowd of wounded and dead. The Smiling Fellow lies in a heap with some soldiers, apparently wounded badly from your bombardment. The Long Nosed Fellow stands strong still, having some apparent damage from wooden shrapnel, he appears to have drawn his weapon, and is aiming at you. Lugo is missing from his hole, probably having been knocked down from some falling debris. You scan the room for Horuz...

Punk 2014/05/01(Thu)22:11 No. 572867 ID: f93bc2
File 139900751904.png - (37.50KB , 600x600 , pg43.png )

HOLY SHIT! HORUZ WAITZ stands tall, using his larger frame to SHIELD HIS SOLDIERS, as he takes large damage to his upper body. WHAT A FUCKING BADASS. You guess that HORUZ must be a SWEET LEADER. This is your chance to strike, while their guards are down. Your last attack raised your BADASS % to 90%. You figure you might attempt using one of the men as a club, but if one of their badass levels is higher than yours, you might be in trouble doing that.. What do you do?

Longnose may be badass, but his slingshot isn't. Throw your shield like a frisbee to break it, then blow him the fuck out.

Let what's his face fire his slingshot at you, and then punch the oncoming shot so hand it reverse direction and goes right though him like a bullet. And then hits the wall and explodes or something.

Reflect the Long-Nosed Man's projectile with your shield so it hits someone important. Or just straight up PUNCH IT BACK AT HIM.

Head straight for Horuz and his group, blocking any of Long-nose's shots with your shield. If you take out the leader in the most badass way possible, he may have no more reason to fight you and consider joining you.

Pick up a nearby dead or dying mook and use his body as a shield while you charge at the slingshot man and then proceed to slap his shit.

We're at 90% Bad-ass now, eh? Let's boost that by TARGE CHARGE towards Longnose! Deflect, or badassitude permitted, CATCH his projectiles in your fist! And then... when your fist is full of his shots... PUNCH HIS NOSE! BOOP! BOOP!!

If you can't risk using one of them as a weapon then you throw your shield at one of them and headbutt the other. Is it not obvious?

a slingshot is such a pussy-ass weapon. he probably has some pussy-ass trick bullets, otherwise you coulda just stood there and took the shots to be badass enough to get back to 100% badass rating.

...it occurs to me that maybe with trick bullets, you'll get to 110%.

Punk 2014/05/04(Sun)22:03 No. 573166 ID: f93bc2
File 139926618385.png - (38.64KB , 600x600 , pg44.png )

Long Nose-Kun releases his slingshot at you, but you're prepared..

Punk 2014/05/04(Sun)22:03 No. 573167 ID: f93bc2
File 139926619669.png - (21.45KB , 600x600 , pg45.png )

You reel back and prepare to PUNCH the bullet RIGHT BACK AT HIM.

Punk 2014/05/04(Sun)22:03 No. 573168 ID: f93bc2
File 139926621554.png - (17.84KB , 600x600 , pg46.png )

>a slingshot is such a pussy-ass weapon. he probably has some pussy-ass trick bullets

You change the course of your punch quickly, narrowly missing Long Nose's Bullet.

Punk 2014/05/04(Sun)22:03 No. 573169 ID: f93bc2
File 139926622801.png - (30.62KB , 600x600 , pg47.png )

It EXPLODES behind you, killing a guard. That was close. While your BADASS skill doesn't go up, your CLEVER GIRL skill increases to 5%!

Punk 2014/05/04(Sun)22:04 No. 573170 ID: f93bc2
File 139926624157.png - (35.55KB , 600x600 , pg48.png )

As he prepares another shot, you CAPTAIN AMERICA your shield at him.

Punk 2014/05/04(Sun)22:04 No. 573171 ID: f93bc2
File 139926625139.png - (12.52KB , 600x600 , pg49.png )

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE, MOTHERFUCKER!

Punk 2014/05/04(Sun)22:04 No. 573172 ID: f93bc2
File 139926626355.png - (34.29KB , 600x600 , pg50.png )

Long Nose is down, but his SWEET THICK PHYSIQUE busted your sad wooden shield which was sadly, not made of VIBRANIUM.

Punk 2014/05/04(Sun)22:04 No. 573173 ID: f93bc2
File 139926627255.png - (18.49KB , 600x600 , pg51.png )

HORUZ has recovered, and glares at you, fists at the... He has no weapon? He only uses his bare hands?? SWEET JUMPING JESUS WHAT A BADASS. Your recent shield use put you at 95% BADASS. What do you do now?

>>573173
If you know one thing about badassery, it's badass to go against overwhelming odds.
CHARGE at Horuz! No shields just makes it more badass! Then fisticuffs/insert wrestlemania moves here!

>>573173
Engage in GLORIOUS FISTICUFFS with the man.

I thought I already answered this one: Headbutt.

>>573173
C'mon, man, don't you wanna try and fit a throat rip in here somewhere?

>>573180
Sweet Az, yes. You cannot let this challenge pass! Battle him in the most badass bout of hand-to-hand combat this part of the country has ever seen!

Rip off someone else's hands, and equip bare hands for bare handed fighting.

Punk 2014/05/05(Mon)07:29 No. 573206 ID: f93bc2
File 139930018761.png - (11.91KB , 600x600 , pg52.png )

You stare eachother down.. For a moment, the world seems to come to a stop around you. Any remaining guards begin to have an animalistic sense of dread and fear, and flee like so many hunted deer. The air is still. Somewhere, AZ is pleased.

Punk 2014/05/05(Mon)07:30 No. 573207 ID: f93bc2
File 139930020374.png - (24.26KB , 600x600 , pg53.png )

It begins in an instant, with punches so fast, a humming bird would get lost. Like two bucks, RELEASED WITH RAGE, you fight for what seems like ages, each punch a calculated but powerful strike that would cause death to a lesser man. You suddenly realize, with this sweet BADASS fight, your BADASS SKILL HAS RAISED TO 100% ONCE MORE. A LEVEL UNATTAINABLE BY MORTAL MEN. You pause momentarily as you find an opening in the assault, smirking as you drop down preparing your attack.

Punk 2014/05/05(Mon)07:30 No. 573208 ID: f93bc2
File 139930021746.png - (34.04KB , 600x600 , pg54.png )

TENACIOUS

Punk 2014/05/05(Mon)07:30 No. 573209 ID: f93bc2
File 139930022668.png - (9.74KB , 600x600 , pg55.png )

HEADBUTT OF WORLD SPLITTING

Punk 2014/05/05(Mon)07:30 No. 573210 ID: f93bc2
File 139930023884.png - (149.75KB , 600x600 , pg56.png )

Horuz, with a final, accepting cough of blood, flies through the fortress wall, and into the distance. Defeated.

Punk 2014/05/05(Mon)07:30 No. 573212 ID: f93bc2
File 139930025422.png - (38.92KB , 600x600 , pg57.png )

You stand amongst bodies, some unconsciousness, some dead. You are the victor. You have defeated the guards of the fortress. All that's left, is the top floor, and the owner of the fortress.. Your squire anxiously praises you from above. How do you approach the top floor?

You don't. Make the top floor approach you. Put your loyal squire a good distance out of the way, there's going to be a lot of shrapnel and this fight should be visible from a good distance.

Go down and destroy the foundations of the castle with a single roundhouse kick. Make it collapse.

>How do you approach the top floor?
Fist first.

Explode upwards.

Ask your squire what's upstairs and where, then punch your hands through the floor and push them down one by one

>>573218
We're trying to take the fort, not demolish it. We can do plenty of cool destructive things without making the entire place a ruin.

Tell your squire to get a running start up the castle's stairs so he can get there in time to watch the big fight. Then grab a bladed weapon from a fallen guard in each hand, and jump upwards through the floors in a spinning drill of badassery until you cut your way to the top floor.

>>573212
Don't forget the guy that fell through the floor. You should try to convince him to serve you.

Go downstairs and break the bad news to Lugo; he won't be getting paid. Offer him a share of the loot you'll get when you double up on the badass running this show and take him down.

>>573257
Hell yeah, everybody knows that two-part teams of BADASSES improves the badass rating multi-fold.
Just look at double dragon!

If we're here to take the fortress it wouldn't be right to destroy it in the process.
It is time for the mighty challenge:
"I dare you to come out and strike me!"

Punk 2014/05/11(Sun)15:42 No. 574014 ID: f93bc2
File 139984817439.png - (26.05KB , 600x600 , pg58.png )

You walk downstairs, finding Lugo on the floor bandaging his wounds. You inform him that his boss is history and that he won't be getting paid. He should join you. He seems very confused as he looks upon you and your squire, but shrugs and agrees.

Punk 2014/05/11(Sun)15:43 No. 574015 ID: f93bc2
File 139984819168.png - (33.21KB , 600x600 , pg59.png )

FUCKIN' SWEET ASS TWO BADASS TEAM FORMED! (and squire)

Punk 2014/05/11(Sun)15:43 No. 574016 ID: f93bc2
File 139984820767.png - (25.72KB , 600x600 , pg60.png )

Heading back upstairs, you ask your squire what lies up there. "The owner of the fortress lives there of course!" he answers, in a somewhat proud tone. Not very helpful. You decide to take a surprise approach to the boss, and instruct your men to grab your shoulders..
You can just make like a banana and...

Punk 2014/05/11(Sun)15:43 No. 574017 ID: f93bc2
File 139984821902.png - (46.42KB , 600x600 , pg61.png )

GO FUCK YOURSELF, FLOOR GRAAAAAHHGH!!!

Punk 2014/05/11(Sun)15:43 No. 574018 ID: f93bc2
File 139984823559.png - (71.46KB , 600x600 , pg62.png )

You stand in a.. pretty normal looking room. Around you stands a COMFY CHAMBER BED, a HOMELY CHAMBER DRESSER, and a MODEST DESK.. And nothing else. No mega-boss stands before you, ready to fight.. but.. this isn't right. All signs point to the boss being here... Can.. Can you find him?

Punk 2014/05/11(Sun)15:44 No. 574019 ID: f93bc2
File 139984824501.png - (67.82KB , 600x600 , pg63.png )

WHERE IS THE MEGA BOSS OF THE FORTRESS? CAN YOU SEE HIM?

Is the mega boss the bed? The dresser? Dora? Your squire? You?

...Oh that's clever. That's VERY clever.
There is no way to be badass while beating up a little girl.
If we run... we are cowards who ran from a little girl, which would be even worse.
Clearly, we simply need to talk her into leaving the fort, and then quickly patch the hole in the wall we made coming into here. PROBLEM SOLVED!

>>574022
Don't you see? This is obviously some BADASS RUSE! Show no mercy and attack or the three of you could be dead in an instant!

no no no, the TRUE route here is CLEARLY to ADOPT the final boss and raise them Spartan-style as your own.
See, this is allowed as badass due to the following:
-you chose the MERCIFUL route, making you a heroic badass. this would fit in line.
-You would become the MENTOR TYPE badass. While this will inevitably spell your doom, it will usually wait until old age and the forming of a dojo happens, and the fact you still choose this path knowing the outcome makes it even MORE badass.

Think about it too, all the adventures you could have training squire and this young child the ways of the true badass, then having them team up DOUBLE DRAGON STYLE.

>>574022
Dora is an immortal, reality-bending demon, not a little girl. Terminate with maximum prejudice.

Watch out for the hell-spawned gibbon that creature calls "Boots".

oh dear god. if you have any holy-elemental attacks, now would be the time to use it.

>>574019
"Dora no exploring."

you gotta say it three times!
"Dora no exploring!"

>>574274
>>574274
Dora, no exploring!

1/9 Punk 2014/05/18(Sun)17:52 No. 574973 ID: f93bc2
File 140046072578.png - (25.90KB , 600x600 , pg64.png )

Many thoughts race through your head as you catch a glimpse of the fabled DORA from the corner of your eye.. Although you'd never heard of her prior to this very moment she was probably super threatening. Your decision made, you rush the small child, ramming your knee squarely against her head with a sickening CRACK. She falls limp to the ground.

2/9 Punk 2014/05/18(Sun)17:52 No. 574974 ID: f93bc2
File 140046074909.png - (14.84KB , 600x600 , pg65.png )

"Holy shit, man! You fucking brained her!!" Lugo shouts in shock. "You fucking brained her, man! Oh my god!" In response, you proclaim that you'll do whatever it takes to take over the fortress.

3/9 Punk 2014/05/18(Sun)17:52 No. 574975 ID: f93bc2
File 140046076701.png - (20.12KB , 600x600 , pg66.png )

From behind you comes a voice "I guess she won't be exploring anymore..." You turn to find.. your squire?! Reaching into a drawer with a evil look on his face "Welcome to the owner of the fortress' chambers, sire. That is to say... MY CHAMBERS!"

Punk 2014/05/18(Sun)17:53 No. 574976 ID: f93bc2
File 140046079873.png - (8.39KB , 600x600 , pg67.png )

He tears something from within the drawer, giving you no time to act! "Now would you kindly...."

Punk 2014/05/18(Sun)17:53 No. 574977 ID: f93bc2
File 140046081583.png - (7.91KB , 600x600 , pg68.png )

"..Sign here please." Your squire holds a deed before you, the deed to the fortress. "You should've just mentioned that you wanted to take over the fortress, silly. I've been looking to secede from the kingdom for months! Just haven't found any takers for the fort!" Oh. You think to yourself, how underwhelming. You sign. Shake hands. And successfully take the fort. A legend finished. A job well done.

Punk 2014/05/18(Sun)17:53 No. 574978 ID: f93bc2
File 140046082878.png - (5.92KB , 600x600 , pg69.png )

The End.

Punk 2014/05/18(Sun)17:54 No. 574979 ID: f93bc2
File 140046084303.png - (108.40KB , 600x600 , pg70.png )

BUT NOT REALLY!!! A PISSED OFF voice THUNDERS from the distance, shaking the entire fortress! "WHAAAAAT!!!??? THAT'S SUCH A SHITTY ENDING!!!!"

Punk 2014/05/18(Sun)17:54 No. 574980 ID: f93bc2
File 140046085465.png - (39.13KB , 600x600 , pg71.png )

You rush to the window and look outside your heart dropping at the sight you behold.

Punk 2014/05/18(Sun)17:54 No. 574981 ID: f93bc2
File 140046087476.png - (141.89KB , 600x600 , pg72.png )

There, coming over the forest horizon is your god, AZ THE AEGIS SHREDDER riding upon his steed, MEGLAHORSE THE SUFFERER, it's massive hooves tearing craters in the ground below. "THAT ENDING ISN'T NEARLY BADASS ENOUGH!!! I WON'T ALLOW IT!!" The god of all BADASSES is coming your way. What do you do?

Accept your dread God's challenge. The avatar of badassitude will fight the god of all badasses for the very essence of badass itself.

Start by transforming your new fortress into a giant castle-mech so you are of appropriate size to fight.

>>574982
I cannot improve on this suggestion.

>>574981
He wants a more badass ending? I'm sure killing the god of all badasses would suffice. Seconding the Ultra Castle Battle-mech idea, don't forget to add lasers or flamethrowers.

Does this fort have a catapult?
The fort isn't a weapon, its the prize. Launch yourself over the walls and unhorse that God.

Alternatively, just keep him out in the sun. That fucker is pale, he'll get all crispy in no time.

Make sure the lasers and/or flamethrowers are crafted from the corpse of Dora duplicated endless times via sheer badassery. Get a dead-baby macross missile massacre up in this bitch.

Wait! What if this was the scribe's plan all along? To lure you here and just hand over the fort without a fight to force Az to appear? Maybe this is a plot to kill the god of badasses!

>>574982
This is pretty much the only reasonable course of action here.
Obviously we gotta start with a dramatic-tension rising staredown, like in those rad old westerns.

Punk 2014/05/23(Fri)17:29 No. 575544 ID: f93bc2
File 140089136254.png - (4.96KB , 600x600 , pg73.png )

There is only one solution. You have to battle your god. You instruct your loyal(?) scribe to take notes carefully. He abides.

Punk 2014/05/23(Fri)17:29 No. 575545 ID: f93bc2
File 140089138380.png - (91.31KB , 600x600 , pg74.png )

Using sheer force of will, you force your new fortress into a gigantic battle-mech in order to stand on equal ground as your god. You and your faithful men now pilot...

Punk 2014/05/23(Fri)17:30 No. 575546 ID: f93bc2
File 140089140863.png - (142.56KB , 600x600 , pg75.png )

THE MAJORIS BAD RIDAH

AZ appears very ready for battle, but MEGLAHORSE begins to sweat at the prospect of wicked mech fights. What a bitch. What will be your SICK ACTION FIGHT MOVES?

>>575546
Bitches have no place in this battle of the ages! UBER STONE ROCKET PUNCH the FUCK out of Meglahorse's bitchass head!

Follow this up with a shot from your PELVIC-THRUST ACTIVATED DICK CANNON

>>575560
also, favicon is up in the thread for review. enjoy, m8

You need a weapon to cross swords with your god.

Is there a nearby mountain we could rip one out of or something?

>>575571
You see that ground?
Punch it, sending shockwaves of badassitude towards Az. Then, pull out a badass sword, either gleaming steel or encrusted with jewels the size of heads, out from the ground. THAT'S RIGHT WE PULL A SWORD OUT OF THE VERY EARTH ITSELF!

I don't know, can we get away with literally pulling our dick out and cockslapping Az in the face with it? There is no higher expression of badassness than this move, but it's risky.

Punk 2014/10/29(Wed)22:34 No. 599810 ID: cf5f21
File 141464725116.png - (127.86KB , 600x600 , pg76.png )

BITCHES GET STITCHES!! UBER STONE..

Punk 2014/10/29(Wed)22:34 No. 599811 ID: cf5f21
File 141464726566.png - (19.28KB , 600x600 , pg77.png )

ROCKET PUNCHUUUUUUU!!!!

Punk 2014/10/29(Wed)22:34 No. 599812 ID: cf5f21
File 141464728627.png - (195.45KB , 600x600 , pg78.png )

MEGLAHORSE flies into the distance, crashing through trees as he grinds to a halt upon the earth. But wait, where is AZ?!

Punk 2014/10/29(Wed)22:35 No. 599813 ID: cf5f21
File 141464730047.png - (140.05KB , 600x600 , pg79.png )

A surprise attack!!

Punk 2014/10/29(Wed)22:35 No. 599814 ID: cf5f21
File 141464731883.png - (143.04KB , 600x600 , pg80.png )

NO CHANCE! PELVIC-THRUST ACTIVATED...

Punk 2014/10/29(Wed)22:35 No. 599815 ID: cf5f21
File 141464733003.png - (105.53KB , 600x600 , pg81.png )

DIIIIICK CANNONNNNN!!!!!!!

Punk 2014/10/29(Wed)22:35 No. 599817 ID: cf5f21
File 141464734484.png - (228.82KB , 600x600 , pg82.png )

He takes the brunt of your mighty attack, but doesn't fall. "AHAHAHAHAHA! PERFECT!" He comments in mad elation, preparing to charge you.

>>599817
Clearly you must catch his sword in both hands and begin a POWER STRUGGLE. Mash B to win and toss his sword away! Then mash B some more to throw punches faster than he can!

>>599820
You know what would be more badass? TANKING. As in, grabbing hold of that sword WITH YOUR BODY (as in letting Az stab you), catching Az flat-footed. Then go do the Cherno Alpha Beatdown, mixed with the Fist of North Star on Az' ass.

>>599836
I really can't suggest a more badass thing to do, so do this

>>599836
No, you must parry the sword with your FACE!

No, you must catch the sword with your teeth and EAT IT!!!

>>599820
Totally seconding this as our next move.

also WOOOOOOOOOO I LOVE THIS QUEST

Jump out of your mech, land in that guys skull, and hijack his brain so you can use him as zombie thrall.

Trip him over and laugh. Nothing is more badass than belittling another person.

Punk 2014/11/11(Tue)11:27 No. 601541 ID: ac3f4f
File 141573403129.png - (195.83KB , 600x600 , pg83.png )

>Clearly you must catch his sword in both hands and begin a POWER STRUGGLE.

Yes! You quickly manuvuer and catch his sword in your BARE giant robot HANDS!!

>Mash B to win and toss his sword away!

YES! YOU WILL PROVE WHO THE MOST BADASS IS BY MASHING B AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE! B-BUT... You don't seem to be winning!! The MAJORIS BAD RIDAH doesn't seem to be strong enough to compete against AZ'S button mashing skills!! He must have been amazing at that torture scene in MGS: Peace Walker! Fuck that sequence, man!!

Punk 2014/11/11(Tue)11:27 No. 601542 ID: ac3f4f
File 141573404742.png - (13.86KB , 600x600 , pg84.png )

>You know what would be more badass? TANKING. As in, grabbing hold of that sword WITH YOUR BODY

You release your grip and the sword immediately stabs deeply into MAJORIS BAD RIDAH, AZ seems surprised.

Punk 2014/11/11(Tue)11:27 No. 601543 ID: ac3f4f
File 141573406429.png - (13.55KB , 600x600 , pg85.png )

Your two lackies- er, friends look on you in shock.. They don't know..

Punk 2014/11/11(Tue)11:28 No. 601544 ID: ac3f4f
File 141573408361.png - (3.19KB , 600x600 , pg86.png )

That this is what you were waiting for!

>Then mash B some more to throw punches faster than he can!

>Fist of North Star on Az' ass.

Punk 2014/11/11(Tue)11:29 No. 601546 ID: ac3f4f
File 141573419682.png - (271.56KB , 600x600 , pg87.png )

AZ lies in a heap, bloody and beaten, he looks to you and speaks words you won't forget for the rest of your life.

Punk 2014/11/11(Tue)11:30 No. 601547 ID: ac3f4f
File 141573420685.png - (6.35KB , 600x600 , pg88.png )

"F..F...FAGGET..! YOU WON'T.. GET AWAY WITH THIS... MY... MY DAD WORKS AT NINTENDO... F..FUCK YOU... I CAN GET YOU... BANNED FROM THE SERVER IF I WANT..."

Punk 2014/11/11(Tue)11:30 No. 601548 ID: ac3f4f
File 141573421937.png - (15.53KB , 600x600 , pg89.png )

And with that, the glory and majesty of AZ THE AEGIS SHREDDER passes on from this existence. You proclaim that you've truly won your fort, in victory. To this, BLACK LOVE LUGO speaks up..

"But.. But the fort is..."

Punk 2014/11/11(Tue)11:30 No. 601549 ID: ac3f4f
File 141573424009.png - (334.28KB , 600x600 , pg90.png )

Oh. Balls.

Punk 2014/11/11(Tue)11:30 No. 601550 ID: ac3f4f
File 141573424818.png - (7.46KB , 600x600 , pg91.png )

THE END.

>>601550
It's okay! YOU CAN REBUILD IT! Make it better, stronger... faster?

That was Sofa King good.