[Burichan] [Futaba] [Nice] [Pony]  -  [WT]  [Home] [Manage]
[Catalog View] :: [Graveyard] :: [Rules] :: [Quests] :: [Discussions] :: [Wiki]

[Return] [Entire Thread] [Last 50 posts] [Last 100 posts]
Posting mode: Reply
Name (optional)
Email (optional, will be displayed)
Subject    (optional, usually best left blank)
Message
File []
Password  (for deleting posts, automatically generated)
  • How to format text
  • Supported file types are: GIF, JPG, PNG, SWF
  • Maximum file size allowed is 10000 KB.
  • Images greater than 250x250 pixels will be thumbnailed.

File 134371603639.png - (199.13KB , 700x700 , 2-1.png )
437694 No. 437694 ID: f09b71

First Chapter: http://tgchan.org/kusaba/questarch/res/423771.html

It is been approximately one week since the lich has dismissed me back to my usual life until further notice! I have told my tales, with certain details omitted (and added!), alas, few kobolds believe me! I find it painful weaving tales in the crude kobold-draconic language so I cannot care to press the issue. All I have accomplished is solidifying my kobold name of Yapper, I am afraid to say.

And so another day comes, in which I secretly hope I will be summoned by the lich for something to do, lest I spend all day fishing once again!
Expand all images
>>
No. 437696 ID: f09b71
File 134371606317.png - (136.30KB , 700x700 , 2-2.png )
437696

But it appears as though she has come to me this morning, in what was once a lonesome bed. They say this Lich rarely leaves her halls, but I am steadily beginning to see this rumor as far from the truth!

>"Rise and shine."
>>
No. 437697 ID: 99090a

Rise and shine.
>>
No. 437698 ID: 4a328b

"Good morning, m'lady!"
>>
No. 437699 ID: c1a7db

Oh, hey, morning. Just thinking of you, actually.
>>
No. 437700 ID: e3f578

Sup girl. How you doing?
>>
No. 437701 ID: 32e092

>>437699
This.
>>
No. 437706 ID: f09b71
File 134371758641.png - (97.97KB , 700x700 , 2-3.png )
437706

"Good morning m'lady. I was just thinking of you! How do you fare, this morning?"
>"Morning. I was thinking of you, too. You see, the recently arrived drow have asked me for one of my mortal slaves, preferably the most hideous, ill mannered lesser race that I had. They want a challenge to turn a gruesome beast into a well mannered, hygienic, cultured individual. Normally I do not care for the drow. Normally I would not care to hand you over. But these drow are odd. Not very drow-like. They are different in many ways, and you will investigate them for me, and tell me of them. You will be a slave, but if you manage to escape and come back to me with sufficient details, you will get much of the gold they are giving me, for you. They have no reason to lie to me about their intentions, and so the only poor treatment you will receive is from doing things like yawning without covering your mouth. Are you following me so far?"
>>
No. 437707 ID: 4a328b

Ask what sort of details she's interested in. Information on what normal Drow are like would also help us spot the differences.
>>
No. 437709 ID: c1a7db

>Are you following me so far?
You're selling me into slavery, so I can spy for you, got it.

An indication of how long she'd like us to remain undercover would be useful.
>>
No. 437711 ID: b33427

Clap your hand over your mouth to cover the yawn. "Yes, clearly, mistress."

>>437707
Yeah, definitely get the rundown on how normal drow behave, and how these newcomers have been observed to deviate from the norm so far. Ask if they've solicited any other groups for slaves along similar terms.

Also ask how they mark their slaves. You'll want to know if you'll have to get a branding mark or tattoo removed afterwards.
>>
No. 437712 ID: b0abc8

I suppose she already has ways to check if they simply use a mind control spell or replace you with a doppleganger?
>>
No. 437714 ID: 32e092

>>437711
> Clap your hand over your mouth to cover the yawn. "Yes, clearly, mistress."

None of that! Confidence in the face of power is part of our shtick.
>>
No. 437717 ID: f09b71
File 134371929437.png - (111.68KB , 700x700 , 2-4.png )
437717

"Consider my mouth covered! From what I gather, you're selling me into slavery so I can spy for you! But how long would you expect me to be gone?"
>"No more than a week. I expect you simply to be able to tell me what makes them tick, I am not asking for each of their life stories, but their origins and own stories they pass down may be of interest."
"And how do normal drow tick, so I may compare?"
>"Normal drow are usually patriarchal, but occasionally matriarchal. These are matriarchal, but that is only because they are all female drow. Not a male in sight. I have only seen that once, in an ancient high elf civilization. Secondly, the drow may not roll in the mud as a pig would, but these ones appear absolutely obsessive over cleanliness and the like."
"And, do they mark their slaves with... something?"
>"I do not know. If it bothers you, then I will be able to remove any imperfections, tattoos on your return."
"That may be an offer I will take! And I suppose you will be able to tell if they send a doppelganger or something of the like in my place?"
>"Please tone your imagination back. I do not believe them to be particularly legendary in that regard."
"Alright! Sooooo.... there was something you said, about, uh, 'all female'?"
>"That is a problem, is it not? From my previous test, it would show itself to be your main weakness. Put your hand back down, that is for a yawn! And put your pants on, boy!"


I admit, I have focused my knowledge on learning common, but what manners are proper and not have always eluded me! Parts of me she has become familiar with suddenly appear to offend, and I can only be confused!
>>
No. 437719 ID: c1a7db

>Put your pants on!
What, you plan on selling clothed slaves?
>>
No. 437720 ID: bba47e

>>437719

This is the best joke.

Say it while slipping some pants on.
>>
No. 437721 ID: e3f578

"Well yeah, that's fine and dandy, but make sure you have a written contract with them. To establish that you are not responsible for my escape in any way and they will not be refunded. I would also appreciate it if you added in anti-abuse clauses, I mean, I can handle a little whipping if you know what I'm saying, but a little humanitarianism is respected amongst many cultures, especially the culture of the Bard-without-stories clan, and in some business circles."
aaaaand for good measure
"I also promise to keep my flirting as well as the contents of my pants to myself or an unrelated party unless one of my new masters demand me to perform for their own pleasure or simply desire to teach me 'civilized' flirting and lovemaking. I suspect if they want to teach me that though, it will be with another experiment."
>>
No. 437723 ID: b33427

>>437717
Chalk it up to her being on a business visit and not in the mood for that kind of thing right now.

>>437719
Well, the drow did ask for the most ill mannered member of a lesser race as a challenge, so one that wears nary a scrap of clothes would fit the bill. Still, put on some pants while saying your piece.
>>
No. 437734 ID: f09b71
File 134372288926.png - (142.47KB , 700x700 , 2-5.png )
437734

"You plan on selling clothed slaves?"
>"I do hope the drow appreciates your sense of humor as much as me."
"Well, in all seriousness, I do hope that there is some written contract! Perhaps to say that you are not responsible for my escape, and perhaps for my sake, some anti abuse clause! I might be able to handle a little whipping, but I should hope not to be put under great physical turmoil!"
>"Did I not say that they would treat you fine, except if you miss your manners? This is why I am telling you to put on your pants and cover your mouth, so you might get a shred of practice and save yourself a slap or two. I should hope you are not under the impression that I, a lich who regularly handles cadavers and meddles in the dark arts, would care if you ran around bare-assed any more than any of the other ill tempered kobolds around here. You wish to be able to be a bard, telling tales in royal courts and nobility? You will have to learn more than just proper enunciation. I have seen your habits. Excellent for a kobold. Offensive for a peasant. You are getting more out of this than gold."
"Ah... I believe I see your point! Well, I do promise to keep the flirting and the contents of my pants to myself!"
>"Yes, you will, because this is also an ideal opportunity to work on your weakness. I am going to cast a disease on your loins."
"E...erh? I hope that this is... what does it do?"
>"Nothing. Absolutely nothing, it is harmless."
"Oh. And... how, or what, should I do to go about removing it?"
>"It is cured by having a romp in bed. You will simply have to lay with another woman. Or man. If you return to me, and it is cured, you will not receive any gold."
>>
No. 437735 ID: 4a328b

Whaaaaaaaaaaat! This is outrageous! What if the etiquette classes include bedroom manners!
>>
No. 437736 ID: 32e092

>>437734
So, animals are okay then.
>>
No. 437737 ID: 96a1b7

>>437734
Filthy lucre or hot drow pussy.

FUCK, these decisions.
>>
No. 437738 ID: b85f8c

>>437734
Well that's gonna suck if their training purposefully includes sex. Aside from that this sounds like a good job.
>>
No. 437739 ID: f793db

Accept this turn of events. Go ahead with the plan, with the intent of making money, and learning manners.
>>
No. 437740 ID: e3f578

>>437734
"Well, what if I'm raped between now and then? And what about cunnilingus if I may be so vulgar?"
>>
No. 437742 ID: c1a7db

>Being sold to all female slavemasters slave-mistresses
>No funtimes conduct
Aw! That's pretty unbardlike. And unslavelike.

Well, you'll try, but you know, as a slave, there's a good chance you won't have a say in the matter. Makes it more a challenge of cleverness than libido, really.
>>
No. 437743 ID: c74c7d

>>437734

Generally sex and intimacy is a great way to extract information....

...if you're taking that weapon out of our hands it would cripple our spying purpose.
>>
No. 437744 ID: f793db

>>437739
Also, here is my reasoning. If Yapper has a romp with some drow, then he'll be back where he was. Maybe a little more polite. More so, he will have proven to the lich that he can't be trusted to handle himself around women. That even with the promise of being paid, he can't help himself.

But if he come back with the disease and makes money, he will be further on the road to becoming a proper bard, who travels around and can sleep with women everywhere. A true bard should be able to handle the ladies, and this includes knowing when it's best not to just blindly sleep with them.
>>
No. 437747 ID: 32e092

>>437744
Good point. Even if we have to resort to hijinks to avoid orders from the mistresses.
>>
No. 437749 ID: b33427

Alright, you're ready for your mistress to cast her sexy-fun-times detector spell on your nether regions. It'll be a challenge, like learning to swim by being thrown in the deep end, but you've never shied from such actions before, so bring it on.
>>
No. 437750 ID: e3f578

>>437744
These are drow we're talking about
they have sex all the goddamn time
it's hard to turn them down too (you do it in Balders Gate, an entire town will go apeshit on you if you do it badly. Granted, we've never met any Lagodrows yet, just his version of Light Elves, but previous entities from other worlds is all we got for a basis right now)

remember my question about getting raped while we were gone? That was a real concern and not a joke. Drow are like gnolls if they fought little less, have less fur and had standard 5 toed feet with pointy ears and dark skin, and are generally more polite in their evil. Gnolls rape a lot man! So drow must too!
>>
No. 437752 ID: b85f8c

Further motivation: When you come back and still have the disease, Zirkala will probably cure it herself. If you know what I mean.
>>
No. 437758 ID: 656f39

>>437694
It's Your gold and if you want to give it up for some sexing that's your business and you should say so. Also a disease that goes away when you have sex? I find that hard to believe.
>>
No. 437759 ID: 9718f3

Eh, if he gets raped by one of them, the lich can just review the memory of the event and determine it to have not been his fault. Get her to agree to that as an exception though.
>>
No. 437764 ID: c1a7db

Oh wait! We nearly forgot the most important question.

How much does it turn out I'm worth to you, then?
>>
No. 437770 ID: 68f2f2

>>437734
Jeez Yapper maybe you can keep em on this one time? They're trying to <i>My Fair Kobold</i> you, not turn you into a loveslave. You're best off not giving them ideas there!
>>
No. 437771 ID: fa9f7e

>>437759
Sounds unlikely, but probably a good idea just in case. No point taunting Murphy.
>>437764
This.
>>
No. 437775 ID: cf49fc

>>437771
He can always explain to the Drow that he suffers a horrific Venereal Disease. That should put em off, and score bonus points in the "Horrible, Unhygienic Slave" department.
>>
No. 437776 ID: 2bafff

>>437775
yes do this it is a good idea
>>
No. 437778 ID: 4dd606

Well it sounds interesting. It might be better to stay flexible as you have no way of telling what will actually happen. One interesting question would be if you should intentionally have bad manners to start off or if you should be on your very best behaviour from day one. It may be that these Drow enjoy the challenge more than the outcome and would be more pleased at making seemingly rapid progress.

Will you get any hidden tricks or proverbial aces to keep up your sleeves? Perhaps Miss Lich could send some skeletal rat or tiny minion able to bring back a short message.
>>
No. 437793 ID: c6ec33

>>437734
"My dear, you are assuming that the Drow will not try to have sex with *me*. As a slave, refusing to do their bidding would not do well for me!

I mean, you'll probably just read my memory to figure out what the Drow are doing anyways - it certainly seems like a better may to figure things out than having me attempt to report them. If I happen to have improper sexual conduct, you could easily find out when you review my memories.

Of course, if your goal is for me to have ABSOLUTELY NO SEX AT ALL under any circumstance while on this visit, even under the threat of violence, and even when commanded to do so by my new masters, I will do my best to do so. But I caution you that the information you seek on the Drow may come most easily when plied from a willing lady."
>>
No. 437794 ID: c1a7db

Mind reading? Pff. That really defeats the purpose of being a bard. We're here to tell stories, not offer up downloads.
>>
No. 437804 ID: f09b71
File 134375670224.png - (66.28KB , 700x700 , 2-6.png )
437804

"Wait one moment, if you please! What if they want to have sex with me? They might even force me! They might want to teach my bedside manners! Can't you review my memory in case I wake up with handcuffs to the bed or something?"
>"You'd wish for that, wouldn't you. Listen up. Drow are not right. Laying with one is entering a world you don't want to go in. If you must, consider it a lesson in defending yourself with tact."
"Ah, but you are aware that retreiving valuable information may be best attained from certain bed manners?"
>"I am asking for public information, not blackmail material. I have seen legions of men fall because of the political ramifications of sticking dick where it does not belong, when nothing but "harmless fun" was intended."
"Well... how much was I worth, anyway?"
>"Five thousand gold pieces."
"Oh. I must say I am flattered, despite the position!"
>"They do like their status symbols, and slaves are good ones. "
"Then shall I start with intentionally bad manners, or be on my best behavior from day one?"
>"I do not expect them to be able to tell the difference. Now, are you ready? I expect they are already waiting with hankerchiefs in hand. I do not even know if you know what a hankerchief is."
>>
No. 437806 ID: 886a4d

Of course mistress, one sullen, uncultered kobold slave is ready to be sold. I wonder if feigning ignorance to common would be too much?
>>
No. 437809 ID: c1a7db

Extend wrists as if awaiting shackles.

Take me away!

It would be nice, perhaps, if the kobold village saw you being led away and sold into slavery. It might make them more inclined to believe you when you return. It's not so early your departure will go unnoticed, is it?
>>
No. 437812 ID: f793db

>>437804
posit that a hankerchief is clearly a chief of hankering. Marvel that drow have so much desires that they need someone to manage them.
>>
No. 437815 ID: e3f578

>>437804
All right, just showing concern.
Does she have any extra information on general drow in comparison to their Light Elf counterparts before we go? Like their opinion on trees and the forest? Do they get along on anything particularly?
>>
No. 437818 ID: b85f8c

>>437815
I think the less we know about their culture the better we'll fit in as a slave.

>>437804
If we know the word for handkerchief in common then we know what it is.
>>
No. 437823 ID: 7426ae

Well all in all it's quite flattering that she's trying to restrict you from amorous bedtime shenanigans. Perhaps you exude an aura of powerful animalistic magnetism. So much that she fears you may be able to turn the tables and seduce your Drow masters?

The fact remains that you are willingly being sold into slavery. Say that it is an exciting proposal, but do ask (with a smirk) what she would have done if you said 'no' to this idea... There is also the chance that the Drow may be mightly upset at your escape, but if any ownership marks can be erased then they might not be good at telling kobolds apart.
>>
No. 437825 ID: c1a7db

>what she would have done if you said 'no' to you are willingly being sold into slavery
I'm pretty sure then she would have just unwillingly sold you into slavery. Funny how slavery works like that.
>>
No. 437829 ID: 58396a

>>437717

Might I suggest we either disguise him or polymorph our dear bold as a female?

It seems... unsettling to think this all female band of drow would specifically call upon a male slave.
>>
No. 437834 ID: b85f8c

>>437829
If we went there as a girl, we'd learn the wrong etiquette lessons.
>>
No. 437847 ID: 5a5118

>>437804
Don't forget the Queen Drake. It would probably be best if she knew.
>>
No. 437884 ID: b33427

You're fully ready to be hexed, clapped in irons, and sold into slavery... Man, your life has gotten weird.

If it comes to deflecting getting laid, perhaps spin a tale of how you've been cursed in that department; That all your partners suffer horrible itching in their groins for days afterwards. If the drow have those of magical inclination, they might be able to see the aura from the illness the lich put on your junk to confirm it.

>>437806
Do confirm whether the lich told the drow that you know the common language as a selling point for you. That could be very useful for eavesdropping if they think you don't know it.
>>
No. 437916 ID: f09b71
File 134378229880.png - (187.72KB , 700x700 , 2-7.png )
437916

"I don't suppose the other kobolds could know that I will be sold off into slavery?"
>"Are you joking? Your home will be put into a ruckus if they see me wandering through taking kobolds like some goblins."
"And lastly, do they know I know common?"
>"Yes, as they did not want to have such a language barrier in their way."
"And lastly! It seems odd to me that this all female band would call upon a male slave!"
>"They didn't call on any gender. Male was simply acceptable."
"In that case, I am ready!"

I am hardly ready, as I no longer can say that I have avoided slavery! It is merely the prospect that this is hardly slavery that comforts me.

>"Then we will teleport. Also, here is your loin hex."

>"And here we are." the Lich says, with no warning. I did not feel much for the spell, but it makes itself known! It is like a constrictive feeling. Not even uncomfortable, but enough to make itself known! Regardless, I see the drow right in front of me.

>"Ah, this must be your slave, yes?" the dark elf, the kind I have never seen before, answers.
>"Yeah. You have the gold?"
>"Of course, it is all yours! And this... thing you have brought us, he is well tamed, yes? He does not bite?"
>"Not if he wants to live."
>"Haha, I will take that to be a comforting answer!"

I must say, I have a sudden newfound pity for the shame legitimate slaves must go through. Nevertheless, I was hoping they would be..... uglier.
>>
No. 437917 ID: f09b71
File 134378232504.png - (82.95KB , 700x700 , 2-8.png )
437917

And without any indication of the existence of my personal space, one of them simply starts feeling me! And not in the sensual manner, unfor.. well, perhaps fortunately!

>"Ah! How rough!"

How... I have taken pride in my skin, but even I admit that my scales are flaked boulders if I must compare it to this girl! I did not think that hands ever had any business being this smooth! I could likely write a novel on the matter!"

>"What is your name, kobold? Tell us a little about yourself. You have permission to speak, and do speak your best in common, as we do not enjoy your native language."
>>
No. 437920 ID: 886a4d

Hmmm, your new name, or your kobold name.... I think you should go with Yapper for these ones. The more they think you lesser then them the less chance they will try to sex you. Which is apparently needed if you are enamored by the feel of their skin already.
>>
No. 437922 ID: b85f8c

>>437917
Elves are generally considered to be an attractive race among humanoids.

Tell them you would like to be known as Story Seeker, even though all the other kobolds call you Yapper. You have aspirations of becoming a bard, but right now you're stuck under the Lich's thumb.
>>
No. 437923 ID: cf49fc

>>437917
A wandering minstrel I, a thing of-

No no, just say that before you were enslaved, you spent your time going on adventures and finding stories. This statement is 100% factual.
>>
No. 437924 ID: c1a7db

Well... let's play the slave. We don't want to come off as overly brash and headstrong and needing to be broken in.

I have no name, I am simply Slave, unless you wish to call me something else, mistresses. I have no special education or training, and have largely served my mistress running errands.
>>
No. 437929 ID: de24b7

"I was a fisherbold when I was young, but I yearned for greater things. I left my camp in search of great stories and legends, and promptly fell into the service of my master. Or my former master rather. Enslaved though I be, I hope to find stories wherever I might be sold."
>>
No. 437930 ID: e3f578

>>437917
"I speak common better than I speak our native language... I think. There's quite a bit of languages floating around down here, so there's no real native language. Everything's very multicultural, if a bit brutal. May I have permission for a little personal space, if it's no disrespect ma'am?"
>>
No. 437931 ID: 997ce7

>>437930
Slaves don't get personal space.
>>437924
That's laying it on a bit thick.
>>437923
Sounds good.
>>
No. 437932 ID: e3f578

>>437931
Probably because they never ask nicely for it.
>>
No. 437944 ID: 58396a

>>437917

Yeah, I'm with >>437923 on this. You got bored of fishing in your village, wandered out for an adventure , and ended up in the service of a lich.

100% truth may be our best approach.
>>
No. 437952 ID: b33427

Say that among your kin you were called Yapper, simply because you talk too much by their low standards. You learned to speak Common out of the same sentiment as your new mistress; The mangled draconic your kin use is both harsh to the ear, and lacking in depth and subtlety.

Continue on using >>437923.
>>
No. 438095 ID: f09b71
File 134384689801.png - (78.33KB , 700x622 , 2-9.png )
438095

My name is Yapper, called that by the other kobolds that say I speak far too much! I wander the world seeking adventure, and have recently ended up in the service of the lich, leading to my stance before you!

>Mistress
I may have found myself as somewhat of a plaything of Zirkala, but with the nuances of our relationship, I cannot bring myself to ever call her as such!

>"Oh! Rather lively, for a slave." one dark elf says.
>"Yes." The Lich begins to reply. "You all did ask for one of my live ones, after all."
>"Well, we shall have to keep a close eye on this one! Now, young kobold. Would you like a coin purse of gold, so that you may buy yourself material goods while inside of our town walls, and perhaps get out of those... rags?"
>>
No. 438096 ID: 0c2247

>>438095
"If that is your will."
>>
No. 438097 ID: e3f578

"New clothes? Awesome! We have jack down there. I don't have an eye for fashion though, so I won't exactly know what would go good with my figure or color. Honestly, from my perspective, anything would be better.

Any kobold with strong skills in weaving and fashion usually ends up having to work for one of the other races near my home. So it's not that we're all dumb at stuff, it's just all the really good kobolds are taken away. So, we don't really get to practice stuff like that, we're forced into only doing what's practical, not fun or nice looking like fashionable clothes."
>>
No. 438098 ID: 9202a9

>>438095
"I would certainly like a purse."

Right now I think they are just feeling us out so it would be best to act normally and start being submissive when they ask it.
>>
No. 438100 ID: c1a7db

They think they have to ask their slave what he wants, how cute. This is gonna be an easier stint than I expected.

"If you wish to be so kind, certainly!"
>>
No. 438101 ID: 96a1b7

>>438096
>>
No. 438119 ID: 35e7f8

"Sure. Anything in particular you want me to get? How many pairs of clothes do I need?"

Also ask if you can know their names or how they'd like you to address them. You don't know that yet!

This feels like it might be some sort of trap or test. Just flow with it and stay prepared.
>>
No. 438133 ID: b33427

>>438096
This, but with the addendum that you would need help choosing an outfit, as you obviously don't know what is appropriate wear for one in your position. Actually, you don't know anything of the duties and demands your new station will call for. Perhaps the lady would enlighten this humble kobold in that regard?
>>
No. 438140 ID: f09b71
File 134385547916.png - (124.17KB , 700x700 , 2-10.png )
438140

"If that is your will, then sure! Is there any kin --"

SLAP

>"No! If you are to be in our presence, you must act the gentlemen. And gentlemen are well off in their lives, and do not need additional gold and such luxuries, even should they be down on their luck!"

That was not fair at all, they tricked me right into that! To be fair, however, it was no vicious slap, merely a superficial sting.

>"Now, try your answer once more!"
>>
No. 438142 ID: e3f578

>>438140
"No, ma'am I'm fine thank you... may I still get fashion tips though? I'm really curious what looks good."
>>
No. 438144 ID: bf54a8

bitch lvl 3000%
>>
No. 438148 ID: c1a7db

How are we supposed to be a gentleman and a slave at the same time? That's sort of a contradiction. Odd drow indeed.

"Uh, no ma'am, I could not bring myself to accept your charity, even in my current state."
>>
No. 438150 ID: bf54a8

>>438148
they just want to see how long it takes before we crack under the pressure.
>>
No. 438154 ID: a3b384

>>438140
Hmm... look her in the eyes, smile and make a gesture of respect to her.

"My lady, I have no need of any charity. If you wish for me to replace these rags with finery, then I will find a way to do so. Of course, if you decide on a more expeditious means or arrangement then I will abide by that."
>>
No. 438161 ID: 58396a

>>438140

You know... we COULD very well work against this. It might not end well, but it could make for a fun ride.

Well this is confusing, but it does make sense. You'd only find more of these "rags" in a kobold village... and a gobbo village. And a lizardman village.

... Man, Yap. You don't really have the best resources to work with, do you.
>>
No. 438172 ID: 35e7f8

Just treat it as a game you're playing and try to anticipate their requirements. There might be another slap coming up so get ready to take it gracefully like a gentleman.

"No I'm fine, thanks. However I don't know either of your names or titles..."
>>
No. 438175 ID: fa9f7e

>>438148
If these are at all like D&D drow, "gentleman" and "slave" are the same thing.

Politely ask her where you are meant to find better clothing, since your native clothing is about as pleasing as your native tongue.
>>
No. 438178 ID: 4a328b

"No, I don't need any gold. I shall steal some new clothes in the town." OBVIOUSLY THIS IS THE CORRECT ANSWER.
>>
No. 438200 ID: cf49fc

"Prithee, madam, I thank you for the kind and generous offer, but I have no need for any such fiscal assistance in this matter, thanks to my massives stacks of dosh. However, I would be eternally greatful were thee to assist mine self within the area of proper fashion, as mine sorry home region is far from sufficiently stocked in the way of boutiques from whence the pinnacle of fashion may be acquired."
>>
No. 438206 ID: f09b71
File 134386587035.png - (66.59KB , 700x700 , 2-11.png )
438206

>Give a smile and continue
After all, frowning and getting uppity will not help, even if I am greatly confused by these drow! Although the aftersting may be making my fine smile a tad lopsided.

"No ma'am, thank you, but I do not need acts of charity to assist in my already formidable stacks of dosh! However, I would be most gracious if you would share some tips on replacing rags with --"
>>
No. 438207 ID: f09b71
File 134386588099.png - (114.05KB , 700x700 , 2-12.png )
438207

SLAP

>"Better, but you lost it. Gentlemen do not need assistance with such things. They are able to acquire clothes, excellent ones, by their own ability."

I am at a loss to whether or not I am supposed to be a slave or gentlemen, perhaps they are the same thing to these ones!

"Then I will find a way to do so! Also, I do not know your names or titles."

I am tempted to think that stealing new clothes IS the answer!

>"That will do. I am Lady Alia, and she is Lady Rika. Now, you must be hungry. Shall we go to our city, and have a feast?"
>>
No. 438210 ID: 886a4d

Another trick question I take it. Answer you'd love to treat them both to dinner. Though how you will do that with no money, no fine clothes and as a kobold slave I have no idea.
>>
No. 438213 ID: fa9f7e

>>438210
This sounds good.
>>
No. 438214 ID: b85f8c

You're gonna get slapped again... Say that surely a gentleman can provide his own meals.
>>
No. 438217 ID: a3b384

>>438207
>slave or gentleman
I think you're supposed to fit both criteria at the same time. In other words, a perfectly polite and completely submissive subject. An absolutely one sided relationship.

This is another trap, and test. Again, same thing. Victory at contests between deceit and skill is what amounts to virtue and worth for these folk.

I think the best response here is "I shall feast as well as I can provide for myself, of course."
>>
No. 438218 ID: 4a328b

Hmmm, she'll probably slap you if you accept this offer. INSTEAD: "Nay, I shall stay here and fish for my supper."
>>
No. 438232 ID: c1a7db

Resign yourself to getting slapped in the face a lot. Seems to be their principle training method. Oh well, beats whipping or caning, I suppose. Additional bonus: so long as you're not a masochist, you're getting lots of discouragement to ever make a move on them.

...wait, scales bruise? How does that even work?

"As gentleman, I have no place at a feast I did not provide, and as a slave I would not think to impose upon your table."
>>
No. 438270 ID: a3b384

>>438232
Oh that's better wording, lets go with that.
>>
No. 438274 ID: e3f578

>>438207
"Whatever you prefer, m'lady. I don't think it's my place to make that choice."
>>
No. 438277 ID: a37243

A gentleman would not refuse a lady's invitation. Tell Lady Alia it would be a pleasure to join them for dinner, and brace yourself for the inevitable correction. She has to teach you table manners some time, and you need the chance to observe them. As to how they expect you to obtain proper clothes, a gentleman would never stoop to outright thievery. You can obtain what you can't pay for through guile.
>>
No. 438278 ID: 58396a

I am so badly tempted to say that no, we shan't.

You shall be the gentleman and PREPARE FOR THEM ONE.

(Of fish. You will catch with your toes. In the local pond-thing.)
>>
No. 438284 ID: 6a1ec2

Stacks of dosh? Really? Oh man you are so doomed.
>>
No. 438293 ID: c6ec33

>>438207
"My ladies, so long as I am your humble guest, I would be honored to join you for whatever meals you wish to serve."

Also, ask if you're always supposed to play the role of the servant, or the gentleman, or both (depending on whatever the situation calls for).
>>
No. 438298 ID: 42c1c6

But you need to be self assured, as a gentleman.

I say we offer to provide them with a delicious meal. Remember, you are a gentleman.

It dawns on me that we will need to obtain wealth to fulfill their idea of proper gentlemanly conduct. Hmm.

Or this could really just be an excuse for some Drow to slap us around. I'm betting there are no right answers and these women are sadists, as Drow are rumored to be.
>>
No. 438325 ID: c1a7db

>Probably no right answers
>Get slapped around for every little failing.

This is probably the best incentive yet to take the lich's advice and never try to bed these ladies. If you suffer this much abuse for minor mistakes in dialog? Just imagine what could happen if (when) you make minor missteps in bed.
>>
No. 438341 ID: aa480e

I guess a gentleman would never admit hunger and would definitely not want to impose. Turn them down, but if they actually invite you then say yes.

Maybe these drow ladies don't have any men around because none will ever meet their perfect standards?

Offer to escort the ladies back to their city in any case.
>>
No. 438432 ID: f09b71
File 134394708223.png - (92.69KB , 700x700 , 2-13.png )
438432

>Stacks of dosh
I panicked!

"Thank you, but I have no place at a feast I did not provide! And as a slave, I would not think to impose upon your table. In fact, I would say that I should be the one treating you both to a meal!"

I expect a slap, but they look pleased instead! At the least, this means there are correct answers. And at the worst, this means I will not know when to expect a slap or not!

>"Ah, you can learn! Perhaps this will be easier than previously thought. Normally, we would decline, but for this, we will accept your invitation! Where would you bring us to dine?"

>Expect to get slapped a lot
An expectation that will most likely not be let down!
>>
No. 438437 ID: c1a7db

Oh you poor fool. You just offered them an invitation you can't back up. Except with raw fish. You should have declined without a counteroffer- you just delayed the slap a turn instead of dodging it.

Well... let's try for flowery excuses and open ended promises. Maybe you'll be able to fulfill them. Or you'll push the slap off till later, if/when you fail.

"Where. Hmm. The fare available in the local caves is not fit to present to you. And I have not the means or supplies on my person to prepare or purchase such a meal. I must ask you to trust in my ingenuity to find and and secure appropriate feast elsewhere, though I regretfully cannot predict now where that will be."
>>
No. 438438 ID: 4a328b

RAW FISH AT THE KOBOLD VILLAGE.
>>
No. 438462 ID: 886a4d

Do we have access to rice, and vineger? We could make sushi.
>>
No. 438466 ID: e3f578

>>438432
Tell them you'll have to look around to see if there's actually a place worthy of them nearby. You'd love to treat them, but you'll have to gain knowledge of a good place to stay and eat first, and ask if they'd like fish? If we find a good tavern anywhere, you'll also have to gather your own funds doing oddjobs around town if they'd prefer something more exotic. Or just sneak back home and get some of your gold and get a small sack for it.

If they want you to gather your own means to get better clothes to please them with your appearance, then your earlier note of having to steal good shit makes sense. Drow probably view thieves as gentlemen if they don't get caught nor speak of their ill-gained products, as that's just polite. It's impolite to get caught, it's a public display of amateur hour thievery and embarrassment, thus anti-gentlemanly. Hell, they probably wouldn't actually mind you stealing from them as long as you don't get caught, as hypocrisy might be the drow way. You're definitely going to have to read some of their own books on drow philosophy of things to get a better understanding, or one from a professional, unbiased sociologist. Also, don't get caught reading their books, saying you should know all of the book already, despite knowing it's impossible. -SLAP
>>
No. 438477 ID: b85f8c

>>438432
At some culturally-relevant place of eating. Somewhere classy. You're not familiar with Drow so you don't know where, but if you were actually a gentleman worthy of their attention, you would.
>>
No. 438480 ID: fa9f7e

>>438477
This is a bit metagaming, but it's better than nothing: http://www.eilistraee.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1773

Fish seems good, especially if you can think of some way to make it sound/seem fancy.
>>
No. 438561 ID: 42c1c6

Hmm, so we need to figure out some way to turn fish into a pleasant meal with no other food, and no spices.

Venue is an issue. We should be serving this to them in their home (you can come with a line suggesting you are their slave, and thus you should serve them in their home), but there's the issue of... well, getting and cooking food. We can probably help with the preparation, IF you can get ingredients, which... well, you can't. Fish isn't enough.
>>
No. 438568 ID: fa9f7e

>>438561
No spices? I'm sure we can find some herbs. Serve tiny portions, scatter small bits of plant on it, and speak French and they'll be totally convinced.
>>
No. 438931 ID: f09b71
File 134402925263.png - (134.51KB , 800x800 , 2-14.png )
438931

"As your slave, it shall be my honor to serve you in your own homes."
>"Very good! But first, we shall initiate you. Your home is just around the bend."

The lead me less than a minute, to show me... a mud brick shack built into a rockside. I suppose that I could not have expected much more.

>"You have made an excellent start, but before you are allowed into the secret entrance to our town, you will have to earn it. For now, this humble abode will be your new home. What do you think?"

I can practically see them getting their slap gloves ready!
>>
No. 438933 ID: 4a328b

"...does this constitute accepting charity?"
>>
No. 438936 ID: b85f8c

Thank them for their hospitality. Do not say it is a good or bad place to stay, merely be grateful for a place to stay.
>>
No. 438937 ID: c1a7db

"It would be rude of me to decline your generous hospitality. I will endeavor to return it in better condition than I find it, and to earn your trust as well."
>>
No. 438939 ID: 886a4d

>>438936
>>438937
sounds good.
>>
No. 438940 ID: a9298b

>>438933
hmm, it might. Need to be careful here.
Maybe try something like >>438937 with the stipulation that you don't need accommodations, but that you'll stay there if it's what they wish of you.
>>
No. 438944 ID: bf54a8

say it is obvious the previous tenant did not take care of it.
>>
No. 438972 ID: f09b71
File 134403559836.png - (167.30KB , 700x700 , 2-15.png )
438972

"It would be rude of me to decline your generous hospitality, even if I am not in dire housing circumstances! I will endeavor to return it in better condition than i find it, as the previous tenant does not appear to have taken care of it! ...does this count as accepting charity?"
>"For this, we will insist you accept."

We share the words as they lead me inside, to which there is already what appears to be a paint bucket.

"I admit, I am surprised at how easy you are catching on. For now, we will have to mark you with a slave's paint ring along your neck, as well as a ring to always tell us where your location is. You are only an hour's travel from your old home, and we will allow you a trip to gather the meal you have offered us. We will hold off on breakfast for four hours. Since our homes are in our city, you will not be allowed, so we will simply dine in here with our thanks to your genuine offer."

A chance! Not a very fine was, as my kobold village has little for food that is not scraps and meager gruel. I may have to steal from the goblins or the common grounds of various trading species after all.
>>
No. 438976 ID: 997ce7

Avoid the goblins. I see awkward meetings in your future if you do that.


They'll probably happen anyway but this way at least you tried.
>>
No. 438977 ID: 8109b0

Okay... so the round trip will take 2 hours, leaving only 2 hours for ingredient gathering and food preparation. Maybe you can swing someone into teleporting you for the trip back, that buys you a travel hour back.

You're going to have to be fast in gathering materials and cooking, especially as you'll likely be making new dishes for the first time.

Get going! We can plan what you're going to buy/steal on the way.
>>
No. 438978 ID: 4a328b

>>438977
Stealin' from the trading races will probably work better
>>
No. 438983 ID: 3eba16

Go acquire fish from yonder fish-pond.
>>
No. 438984 ID: b33427

It also might be possible to get the drak- dragon to place a strong illusion on what food you could get, to make it appear, and taste much, much better. Though, considering these drow have hidden their city from the lich, they're likely skilled in the arts of magical illusions, and could see right through it. Still, it's a risk that's worth taking if you run out of time.
>>
No. 438985 ID: bf54a8

use a spell to drain the lake and gather a ton of fish.
>>
No. 439002 ID: 733ae0

>>438984
If you come back with a five star meal they're going to think something is up. And that's if they fall for the illusion, if they don't then they'll wonder who you had cast it.
>>
No. 439022 ID: b33427

Give the both of them a deep bow, and bid the fair ladies goodbye. Walk away at a purposeful stride, until you're out of sight, then run, nay sprint, away.

Quickly make a mental list of the settlements down here by the likelihood of them having substantially better fare than your home village. Any of them deal in foods, spices, and herbs imported from the surface, or from far off down here? Something relatively exotic would improve the value of the meal a fair bit.

>>439002
Not suspiciously better, just somewhat better. Possibly not at all better, depending on how well things go. It's just an option in case nothing better then "edible" level can be pulled together in time.
>>
No. 439040 ID: ec9ba1

>>438937
>>
No. 439048 ID: af25e0

>>438984

If they call you on it, just explain it as being part of the presentation and compliment them on the fact that they noticed.
>>
No. 439118 ID: cf49fc

>>438931
Tis a charmingly rustic dwelling, a good, hardy structure perfect for an outdoorsman such as yourself to rest in after a long day of falconry and hounds, and then wake up in before dawn to go out and do it all again after a freezing cold bucket of water to the face.

That's right, you're a game hunter, as ALL true gentlemen are.
>>
No. 439145 ID: b85f8c

>>438972
Um, you should probably warn them ahead of time that you are gonna have to steal stuff to make anything decent. Better to let them down now and get a slap than get in worse trouble.

Also maybe you should ask them if they have any requests!
>>
No. 439187 ID: cf49fc

>>439145
Don't tell them! A gentleman hunter is NOT a gentleman thief. They're completely different.
>>
No. 439189 ID: e3f578

>>439187
I believe they're exactly the same
it's just very unpolite to mention it
drow culture is obviously full of nuances
>>
No. 439191 ID: ca06ba

>>439187
And even if we do take the path of a more roguish gentleman, a sophisticate host would never reveal his methods, or trouble the minds of his guests with such mundane unpleasantness.
>>
No. 439200 ID: f09b71
File 134409242197.png - (70.03KB , 700x700 , 2-16.png )
439200

A flourish and a bow is given to them.

"Farewell Ladies, until we meet at the designated time!"
>"We will have to work on your bows, slave. Consider yourself lucky that my slapping hand is spent. Goodbye."
>>
No. 439201 ID: f09b71
File 134409245151.png - (96.80KB , 700x700 , 2-17.png )
439201

Gotta run gotta run! The fish is no problem! There are always fish in the pond, and they will bite! But for better food and spices, I may lean on avoiding the goblins and go for the trading route! The only qualm I have on such a task is that I am far from the first kobold to have the idea of stealing. In fact, it is so bad that kobolds are reflexively thought of as thieves, and often jostled and harassed for being kobolds!

Having the Lady Dragon spice up the meal with illusions may be a good last resort, but I am not on my last legs at the beginning of this!
>>
No. 439204 ID: 962662

>slapping hand is spent
After only two slaps? That bodes well, I think. Although if you continue to make more mistakes than they have the capacity to punish, they may up the ante. Probably best not to push it.

>Kobolds regarded as thieves
...I don't suppose your new slave collar could work to your advantage here? If the caves are only an hour away from the drow city, then surely their slaves are sometimes sent to the trading area on errands. It could serve as a badge of trustworthiness (until you abuse that trust, of course).
>>
No. 439207 ID: b33427

Sounds like sneaking around the trade route is not going to work; The traders will be vigilant, and while you're fast, you're not sneaky. Attempting theft would end with a quiver of crossbow bolts sticking out of your back. You're going to have to approach this from the front, in plain sight, with no funny business.

>>439204
Yes, using your new status as a drow slave to say you're on an errand for your owners would fit the bill. Unfortunately, you're lacking in funds, and telling the shopkeep to put it on the drow's tab will cause trouble for you later.

Do you think you could convince the drake to give you a loan for this? If you pull it off, you'll pay back double within two weeks (just in case it takes longer than a week.) Now it's a question of whether you have time to go to the traders first to get prices, then the drake, or guess at the cost and go to the drake first.
>>
No. 439209 ID: 4a328b

You can put it on the Lich's bill as a business expense :3c
>>
No. 439693 ID: c0ea18

>>439201

Whats happening to our lady dragon/drake friend?
>>
No. 439694 ID: 42c1c6

Screw loans, we aren't spending money on our owners. I'd prefer a bunch more slaps in the face then spending money on them.

Failure isn't the end of the world here, but that doesn't mean the drake can't help us out. Maybe we should get an illusion To look a little more human, or possible goblin since that would be easier to pull of should it come to physical contact.

Also, if the drake can manage an illusion that would make a large sack look like a small bag (like say, a coin purse), and possible hide the contents to make them look like coins (instead of say, a quantity of stolen foods), that would be damned helpful.
>>
No. 439786 ID: f09b71
File 134428647895.png - (127.61KB , 700x700 , 2-18.png )
439786

>The Drake
She is back to business as normal, as far as I know! I admit, however, that I have not visited her as much as I should. Therefore, I will go greet and perhaps ask something of her!

>"Oh. It's you. Hello. What's the emergency?"
>>
No. 439790 ID: 48f315

>>439786
"Oh, there's no emergency, I just wanted the pleasure of your company. How are you, by the way? Your leg seems swollen. By the way, what do you know about drow cuisine?"

That's all quite true, since you don't seem to regard this as an emergency, and her leg does seem thicker than usual. Perhaps it turned into a dragon's leg and she is becoming a dragon piecemeal?
>>
No. 439791 ID: d6c330

We're back in the caves. 3hrs remaining.

Well... let's try for refuge in audacity then.

"I finally found a way to get some gold for you! All I had to do was let the Lich sell me into slavery! Well, and spy for her, put up with the drow's abuse, maintain my cover, escape, and... don't worry, it'll be fine.

Can I have a loan?"
>>
No. 439792 ID: 48f315

Also, might want to ask for her name, unless I missed us already getting that.
>>
No. 439796 ID: f09b71
File 134428828977.png - (99.86KB , 700x700 , 2-19.png )
439796

I have made excellent time, and though out of breath, made it within half an hour!

"No emergency, I simply wanted the pleasure of your company. And how are you, by the way?"
>"Oh, getting by. My gold pile is tiny but at least it is real."
"Funny you should mention that! I do have just the idea! It merely requires a small loan on your part, 500 gold tops!"
>"I'm listening."
"All I had to do was let the lich sell me into slavery! And spy for her, put up with drow abuse, so forth.. it'll be fine!"
>"I can tell, that is the slave mark of those drow that came around recently. Funny people. This sounds like a terrible idea."
"Have I failed you before?"
>"You haven't asked for loans before."
"I will pay at least double! Maybe even more! Consider it an investment."
>"Oh, very well."
"And, may I ask if your leg is alright? It appears swolle-"
>"I'VE EATEN A LOT OKAY"
>>
No. 439797 ID: e3f578

>>439796
It was another prank, wasn't it?
All right, all right, we'll have to even the sides a little later then. You're an evener, you even things.
>>
No. 439801 ID: d6c330

500g. That should easily be enough to cover breakfast. Though you probably want to save some for later, when they make further demands of you. Buy fresh, quality ingredients, but not super expensive luxuries.

Thank her for the monies. You'll have her money in about a week, once you've finished your task.

>Leg
Not to worry, it's quite flattering, really!

>Any advice?
Yeah, ask this. Couldn't hurt.
>>
No. 439804 ID: 48f315

>>439801
This. And ask if it was another prank, perhaps you can help while you're out from under the lich's eye?
>>
No. 439816 ID: f09b71
File 134429048767.png - (92.26KB , 700x700 , 2-20.png )
439816

"It looks quite flattering! I hope it was not another prank!"
>"NO, but people keep throwing food as offerings! And look around! All I do all day is sit on my gold, there's nothing to do BUT eat!"
"Ah, well, perhaps someday I will provide entertainment, being a bard! But for now I must be off and thank you for the money. I will return with double the amount in a week! Say, do you have any advice on drow meals?"
>"OH, just because I've got a little pudge, means I'm an expert on food, huh?!"
>>
No. 439819 ID: 48f315

>>439816
"No, but I could have used the advice, and I was hoping you would be wiser than I. Even if you don't, you still look fantastic, and I don't think you could look anything but."

Try and hug her as you say this if you think it's safe to risk it.
>>
No. 439821 ID: e3f578

>>439816
oh no your tattoo disappeared I wonder if that means anything! Is someone interfering with tracking magics? I hope this didn't void your contract.

Tell her no, but you imagine that she's more world weary than you are and tasted a few cultures, probably blended in as one a few times for shits and giggles. Tell her that she could go out and fly around for exercise, maybe go prank lesser beings under disguise of their own race.
>>
No. 439843 ID: b33427

No, you thought she would have more worldly knowledge than you, since she's actually been out in the world. You're sorry if you offended by insinuating anything with your question.

Since the problem is too many dragon-sized food offerings, and you need food, offer to take the excess off her hands from now on, to remove the temptation to eat. Then offer to help her with finding something to do with her day, once you're done with your current predicament. Perhaps a hobby that doesn't take her away from her hoard, such as reading and collecting books. Amassing a library does sound like something certain dragons do, doesn't it?

Scoop up a small amount of coins on the way out; Say, 200, since you don't know how much this is going to cost. You can come back later if it turns out to be more than you have.
>>
No. 439848 ID: f09b71
File 134429378505.png - (106.52KB , 700x700 , 2-21.png )
439848

Oh no my tattoo disappeared?! - Oh wait it is back and I wonder what happened there.

"No, it is because you are wiser than I, and far more experienced! Regardless, I would say you look fantastic, and I don't believe you could look like anything but! If you are so concerned, you can always fly around and perhaps prank lesser beings under disguise of their own race."
>"I am not in the mood for childish pranks. Go and take your gold and make me more.
"By the way, I don't believe I ever did know your name?
>"I like 'Miss Drake'."
"Well then, Miss Drake, I am available to take any excess you would like gone, if that is your wish!"
>"I ATE IT ALL."
"A-ah. Well then, I will take the gold and go! 500 sounds.. like a lavish meal, yes?"
>"500 better be! I'm trusting you on this one!"
"And I shall prove trustworthy again, and will find you more substantial things to do with your days! Farewell, miss drake!"
>"Bye."
>>
No. 439849 ID: f09b71
File 134429380822.png - (103.58KB , 700x700 , 2-22.png )
439849

I will catch fish after purchasing what I will to ensure freshness, and head to the commons as of next! I admit I am nervous, and I hear all sorts of voices of all sorts of species. I must tread carefully, and make sure my slave mark is visible! Another quick 15 minutes pass to get close.

>"'ey! 'ey kid! Oy! 'ey boy! 'ey bold! Bold!"

And that would be the voice of a gnoll behind me.
>>
No. 439853 ID: e3f578

>>439849
"What's up Gnoll guy? Gotta make a dinner for my masters so I gotta be quick."
>>
No. 439854 ID: 48f315

>>439853
This, and hope he isn't going to carry out some gnollings.
>>
No. 439859 ID: b33427

Okay, this sounds like a distraction for a mugging, or something worse, more than anything else. Note places you could bolt to, and glance around for hiding spots where this gnoll's buddies could be. Keep your distance while turning to say "Yeah, what's up?"

>>439853
This is not a good idea. You don't want to give him any indication that you're on an errand, and therefore have money.
>>
No. 439865 ID: e3f578

You know what, actually, yeah let's just run.
You don't wanna get horrifically gnolled do you?
>>
No. 439869 ID: d6c330

I think a generic "what?" or "yes?" is appropriate. If you're just getting close to the trading area, he may be a guard. In that case it behooves you to act like you belong here, not run like a thief.

Of course, he could also be a bandit. Or just somegnoll who doesn't like 'bolds and is out to make trouble for you.

But we don't know yet. Let's see what he wants, and then respond appropriately.
>>
No. 439870 ID: f09b71
File 134429754630.png - (106.87KB , 700x700 , 2-23.png )
439870

There are plenty of corners to dart around, but also plenty of corners that gnoll buddies could be hiding around as well! I will most certainly keep my distance away from potential gnollings!

"Yeah? What is up?"
>"'Yer up, bold! Ya came here cause ya got lucky! Found an 'ol treasure or a rich little rye, now ya wanna blow it all on.. what do ya 'bolds fling cash for anyway? I tell ya! Protection! Ya need protection, kid! An' don't tell me ya don't got any coin kid, ain't a damn kobold comes swaggerin' in like you without a pretty shine in his purse!"
>>
No. 439872 ID: e3f578

>>439870
"This gold ain't mine to spend. Got ladies at my house I have to entertain with a good meal, so hey, if you gots spices, yeah I'll buy... or is this just the standard 'pay a small toll and my boys won't rough you up later, I'm just being a little polite here for you because that generally helps business' kind of thing?
>>
No. 439876 ID: d6c330

Ah. He's not quite a bandit, he's more an extortionist. Although he could resort to outright banditry if we don't handle this right.

"I am not here as the result of luck, at least not good. I am enslaved, and on an errand for my masters. I would not think you would enjoy it if I hired you, as you would find yourself subject to the tender mercies of the drow as well."

This hinges on the drow having a bad reputation, and the gnoll wanting nothing to do with 'em.
>>
No. 439880 ID: 0c2247

>>439870
Point to the neckband
"Unless you think you can protect me from angry drow, necromancers, and dragons, I'm going to use my mistress's money as I am told."
Then walk away.
>>
No. 439881 ID: b33427

Point to the top ring marking on your neck. "See this? This is a drow slave marking. I'm on an errand for my mistresses, and their coin is not mine to spend." Point to the other marking, and embellish what it does, a lot. "Now this is an enchanted mark they use to track me, see and hear through my eyes and ears, and speak to me from far away. Oh, and lets me alert them if I'm waylaid." Look the gnoll right in the eyes. "Now, I'm sure we can come to some form of agreement without involving my mistresses, yes?"
>>
No. 439889 ID: f09b71
File 134430259004.png - (84.35KB , 700x700 , 2-24.png )
439889

"See this? This is a slave mark from the drow, and it is not my coin to spend! You may be a gnoll, but I don't think you can protect me from angry drow, necromancers and dragons! It also tracks me, alerting them if I'm waylaid! Unless this is protection from you?"
>"Ey ya well spoken dumbass, ya think that's gonna stop anyone from knockin' yer gut out?! I haven't had a meal in 2 days! Scrawny as hell, all I got to my size is fur n' bone! Ain't a damn dragon 'er lich that'll scare me when I need some damn food! And nice try, but drow? Ain't a damn drow for dozens of miles, bold! Ain't a damn drow that'd ever give a bold 2 coins to rub together! I could just wrench it from yer dead hands ya know, but I'm tryin' to earn a gold fer once in my life, ya know?"
>>
No. 439890 ID: bf54a8

"give? no it's a loan with my life as collateral."
>>
No. 439891 ID: aef1cd

You know... we could just hire this guy to steal lots more food for us than we could buy.

Give him some of our current coinage and a little of the spoils, give the leftover coinage to Miss Drake, and then the food to our lovely captors.
>>
No. 439892 ID: 8ffedb

Would a gentleman give a starving man a chance at redemption? We may be able to use him for our purposes.
>>
No. 439893 ID: 4a328b

If he helps us make this meal he can also eat some of it.
>>
No. 439894 ID: 0c2247

>>439889
"Ok, now that is something I can help with. I can get you a meal, and maybe a job. Sound good?"
>>
No. 439895 ID: e3f578

This gnoll is all right I suppose.
Will 50 gold do? We do need a guide to find the spices around the marketplace. IF he has a personal review, well that would also be nice. Anything that goes great on fish, you know?

If just 50 gold is unacceptable, we could just grab him an extra fish with our other foot, since food seems to be his main goal. Is your fishing spot secret or something? Fish bite your foot all the goddamn time how is this fool having a hard time getting food?
>>
No. 439899 ID: d6c330

Well, I don't know your running or walking speeds, but I'd have to guess they are within dozens of miles.

>but I'm tryin' to earn a gold fer once in my life, ya know?

You know, if he's honestly looking to do some work for you, and not just shake you down for 'protection', I say we may as well take him up on it. I'm kind of inclined to believe him- successful extortionists aren't as lean and worn as he is. And he's desperate. You could always use another friend.

*Nod* "I can understand that sentiment. Truth to be told, I'm not sure how well a humble bold will be received here, especially if my markings failed to impress even one mangy gnoll. *Grin* Perhaps, I could use some protection after all."

The offer your hand, trade names. You've got some muscle for a few hours. Maybe a friend for later, or when you need to escape.

If the traders don't respect your drow-marks (which they may not- from the gnoll's reaction, it seems they don't have much influence out here), maybe having a little muscle behind you will help. If nothing else, thieves don't tend to show up with bodyguards.
>>
No. 439903 ID: 886a4d

Tell him you can't promise any gold. You weren't lying about the drow. However you can at least feed him. Its not too tough to make enough for four instead of three.
>>
No. 439904 ID: b33427

Okay, let's make a deal. Say you'll hire him as a guide and guard, to keep other ruffians from getting on your case, for two or three hours. Since you're going to buy food anyway, offer him three days worth of food and drink for a gnoll, with a good meal up front, and the rest at the end.

>>439895
We don't know how much 50 gold is worth. Could be a fortnight worth of good meals to a gnoll. Best not to put any numbers out right away.
>>
No. 439912 ID: f09b71
File 134430526162.png - (128.61KB , 700x700 , 2-25.png )
439912

>Fishing pond secrets
It is a secret amongst the kobolds! And it is not hard to motivate keeping it a secret, considering that it would be overfished if it ever got out!

"If you help me get a fine meal, I'll give you enough to eat as well."
>"Don't get me wrong kid, a meal is well and good fer today, but tomorrow and the next? If I don't get a job to get a coin, I'll just be in the same spot I'm in yesterday!
"Alright, uh, I'm not lying about the drow, I can't give gold! But how about three days worth of food! Is that a deal?"

I extend my hand, and he just yanks me up!

>"Now you're talking, drow talk or not! Now what're ya willin' to pay? I know who's comin' in n' out, we got some chefs makin' rounds fer the classy ones, and even have some wizards that'll summon up a real nice meal fer some kinda exhorban.. exerbin... some kinda ripoff price, but ya might be able to afford it! Hundred's o' gold, hah! By the way, m'names Clunker!"
"A pleasure - my name is Story Seeker."
>"Real fancy name ya got. Who're ya tryin' to impress? Some cute lil' bold girl, goin' around with fancy names an' tossin' all kinds o' wealth around for a single meal?"
>>
No. 439913 ID: 5eea01

Oh my. What if you "persuade" him to not take your money?
>>
No. 439914 ID: b85f8c

What the fuck are we doing throwing around so much money for?!

ASK the gnoll how much a decent meal should cost.
>>
No. 439924 ID: 886a4d

>>439914
We never actually mentioned how much we're spending on a single meal... though we should try and get a decent suit ordered or something since the drow expect us to dress up eventually. The 500 gold should lsat us the week that we're spying on them.

Since we still have three hours we can buy supplies, and cook it ourselves. Or we can hire a chef to do so. The chef will probably be the best choice but we're kind of lacking a properly stocked kitchen to put him in.
>>
No. 439929 ID: e3f578

"the ladies I'm trying to impress are the drow.
they got this weird experiment trying to make a kobold really fancy and gentlemanly. I get slapped every time I don't do something fancy or polite. They trick me sometimes too, so I have to be clever to avoid it, which is precisely why I overstepped myself. Apparently, fashion tips are unacceptable to Drow, so heads up if you ever end up in my shoes. I kinda overstepped what I was easily capable of doing, so that's why I'm getting spices and food."
>>
No. 439930 ID: b85f8c

>>439912
Also to answer his question, the drow are having us give them a meal, and we don't want to disappoint them. Since he insists drow don't exist anywhere nearby, say that maybe they aren't drow; maybe it's an illusion or a shapeshift, or just elves in makeup. Whatever, you're their slave and they want you to feed them. It doesn't matter what they really are at this point. Ask if he knows what food drow like.
>>
No. 439932 ID: b33427

Ask Clunker if he knows of a chef that does good work with fresh fish, since you know where to get real fresh fish; Add that it doesn't have to be super fancy, just above-average. We go to that chef, and ask if they can make up a to-go order to be ready just before Yapper has to run back, and how long it would take. Pay for a meal for Clunker, have him escort Yapper to the edge of the trade area. He goes back to eat while Yapper gets the fish.
>>
No. 439933 ID: d6c330

I agree the gold should have to last us for a week of potential expenses. That means ~70 a day. Possibly going over the average today, as we may have startup costs (cookware, lessons?) We should also cache the remaining gold close it our shack glorious guesthouse on our return, so the drow can't confiscate it or anything.

I think going to a chef is our best bet, especially if we can pay a little extra so we can watch or get a lesson in the process. Then we can keep cooking ourself all week, only having to buy/obtain ingredients.

We also can't have all the food prepared here- it'll be cold by the time we run back. We will need to return with ingredients and prepare on site.

...there is a place to cook in at said site, right? At the very least you need fire, water, and the basic culinary tools (pot, pan, knife, etc). You may have to invest in those.
>>
No. 440005 ID: b33427

>>439933
Also cups, plates, and eating utensils of appropriate quality to the meal. You're also going to have to get something to go in those cups as well. A bottle of wine, or fresh fruit to juice would do.

The meal could be brought in if there's enough time to start a fire and heat it back up. It may not be the best that way, though, so ask the chef. Otherwise the meal may have to be all items that are served room temperature.

Oh, when was the last time you ate, Yapper? Before going to sleep yesterday, I gather, so while you're running around here, make sure to stop for a minute and buy something to eat to keep you going.
>>
No. 440123 ID: f09b71
File 134433692890.png - (111.49KB , 700x700 , 2-26.png )
440123

"I am attempting to impress the drow! They seem interested in making a gentleman of me!"
>"Haha, ya wanna keep up that drow story, yer gonna have to know a thing about 'im! Ain't a drow like that."
"Would you believe they're elves in makeup? Some kind of shapeshift?"
>"Hahaha, no."
"Anyways, tell me, Clunker! How much would an excellent meal go for! Also, you are free to put me back down!"
>"If yer wantin' the best food th'world has to give, there's a mage that's offerin' 'im fer the highest prices th' world's got to take! Hundred's of gold coinage for a single meal that's said to keep a belly full fer days, never had it myself. If ya just want a damn good cook an' have a meal to remember, ya can get one for 50 gold. Or so, damn merchants like to waste time hagglin'. Me, I just want a few damn slabs a' meat, an that'll run a few gold apiece. So where'll I take ya?"

>Last time I ate
Just last night! While hunger may be setting it, it is by no means a peril to wait until the Drow's late breakfast time.

>Place to cook at the site
If I cannot purchase such things at these commons for a fair price, I have crude tools for cooking back at the kobold village.
>>
No. 440124 ID: b85f8c

The 50 gold mark sounds like a good bet for a first try... but I wonder if the drow will expect you to cook it yourself?

But don't spend that kind of money on the gnoll of course. May as well get his food first, actually, just so he's happy enough to protect you fully.
>>
No. 440125 ID: 385d77

Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that he, or someone we have not noticed, has already relieved us of our gold?
>>
No. 440127 ID: 886a4d

I hope you've been keeping a close eye on your wealth.
>>
No. 440144 ID: d6c330

Well, maybe they're odd drow. Or something pretending to be drow. I'm currently just trapped into working for them, it's hardly as if I know their life story (yet).

>kobold cooking implements
Oh yeah, that's a better idea than buying 'em. Probably not the highest quality in the world, but I think they're going to be impressed if you manage to pull off a quality meal at all, and not beat you for your choice in tools.

The 50g mark seems reasonable. Unless that's per portion, in which case feeding both drow, yourself, and Clunker's 3day fee will cost 300g.

>>440125
>>440127
Yes, discreetly make sure you aren't being robbed. We've decided to trust Clunker for the moment, but it shouldn't be blind trust.
>>
No. 440147 ID: 32e092

>>440124
Probably not. Gentlemen don't need to do things themselves!
>>
No. 440186 ID: f09b71
File 134436468548.png - (205.28KB , 700x700 , 2-27.png )
440186

My eye is kept on my wealth, but I have it well hidden, and the gnoll doesn't seem to be trying to change that! I tell him that the chef will do. He leads me on through, and a short walk is made to a stall with what I presume is the cook.

>"Clunker you bum, get out of here. I don't have table scraps, and even if I did, the worms would make better use of it." he says before I can get a word in.
>"I'm not begging! Th' little guys got it made, I know he's got the metals."
>"This looks like a joke that lost its punchline. Fine, amuse me. Tell me what you want, I'll tell you how much I want. Gold up front. No funny business."
>>
No. 440189 ID: e3f578

>>440186
Hmm, either some of your primo spices for making fish taste better or food that's good to eat after more than an hour of travel. Maybe something you can warm up a little by a small fire. You got anything particular that drow might like?
>>
No. 440191 ID: d6c330

Poo. Our escort brings us no addition respect. At least he's decent muscle and intel.

Man, they're not giving us anything to go with here. There's no menu on the wall? Or anything on display?

Failing that, I guess we want cooking staples. Butter/oil, flour, basic spices / seasonings, probably some kind of rice or grain. (This is totally turning into Masterchef:Kobold edition, isn't it). I kind of don't think this guys look like they'll provide a lesson, though flashing a little gold might help.

We should also secure Clunker's three meals.
>>
No. 440195 ID: 886a4d

We should have the meal made. While we SHOULD practice cooking for the upcoming week the very first breakfast has to at least be adequate.
>>
No. 440205 ID: c7dc56

Don't spend more than 50 gold on the meals for the two drows so as to not raise their expectation of your own cooking, and get Clunker and yourself a bite as well. Then on the walk back talk to Clunker about the drows. Even if he doesnt believe you, tell him you're gonna try to pass him as a second gentleman-in-training so he might have a fighting chance when he meets them. Be sure to let him know they like slapping, and try to be patient because we don't really know how powerful drows are. Also I think we should keep him in the dark about the Lich for now.
>>
No. 440209 ID: d6c330

>>440205
I would think we leave him behind when we return. He's certainly not going to like their company, and neither a gentleman nor a slave should bring home riffraff to annoy his mistresses.

Besides, if they never meet him, we might better be able to use him in our eventual escape plan (a diversion? Bringing supplies out to us? Something.)
>>
No. 440212 ID: d8537a

First you are going to have to show him you have some money, though probably not how much money you actually posses. (This is likely a bit too respectable of an establishment to rob you, but he might charge more for wealthy customers.)

And hope your tattoo re-appears by the time you start talking :V
>>
No. 440254 ID: b33427

Show them you have at least some money by ordering up their cheapest gnoll-sized meal for Clunker; He can nosh on that while you talk to the chef. Try not to show off your sack-o-gold, otherwise they might try to gouge you on the price of the next order.

Tell the chef you need a carry-out man-sized meal for three that can be reheated easily with a very basic kitchen. The main part of the meal based on a seasoned grilled fish fillet, and you defer to the chef to choose the best sides to go with it. You'll provide the live fish yourself, once the chef tells you how many and how big will be needed.
>>
No. 440405 ID: f09b71
File 134440641612.png - (60.82KB , 700x700 , 2-28.png )
440405

"First of all, a quick meal for the gnoll! It has no need for fanciness, correct?"
>"Right, kiddo. Just hand me some food, and my stomach'll do all the cooking I need!"
>"... I know how much he eats. 8 gold."

Sounds fair so I discreetly hand the gold over without rustling the rest too much.

>"Color me surprised, not yellow painted rocks or anything. So what'll you be having?"
"Perhaps things to make a meal out of fish, and it should be good after an hour of travel! I am making something for the drow, if that helps."
>"Drow, eh? Heard about 'em. Never met 'im, but I know some drow dishes. Nasty stuff. Bugs n' leaves and things you'd never think to eat, they consider real fancy delicacies. Lucky for you, I keep some around. They don't go bad too fast, an' they're cold dishes. Good for keeping around to travel at least an hour. That sound good?"
"It does, and I would be quite gracious to have it cooked! Specifically for three people."
>"45 gold."
"Done! I don't suppose you would be willing to show me how it is cooked as well?"
>"What? You askin' me to take you on as an apprentice or somethin'?"
>>
No. 440408 ID: bf54a8

no no just roasted, baked, fried?
>>
No. 440425 ID: b85f8c

Say that you hadn't considered that possibility. Ask what it would involve. We would have to ask our owners for permission in any case.
>>
No. 440434 ID: f09b71
File 134441137126.png - (92.85KB , 700x700 , 2-29.png )
440434

"Perhaps not that far! Well, actually, I am curious what that would entail?"
>"You peel potatoes, and get to learn what it is to be a cook. The fact that you can speak half understandable common puts you a damn sight higher up than most others around here. The fact you're doing well for yourself helps too. I don't do sideshows, so it's an apprentice or nothing."

It is true, however, that I would need permission from the drow to take on an apprenticeship even if I did want to do this.

>"Think on it. Anything else you want other than the meal cooked, or can I get on with it?"
>>
No. 440435 ID: b85f8c

Is our common really only half understandable? That's another thing we'll want to work on I think.

That's all we need from him for now, though.
>>
No. 440436 ID: c6ec33

>>440434
Politely inform him that you're not sure you'll be able to do a long-term apprenticeship. However, you're willing to help for at least this one meal in return for some teaching. And you'll pay for anything you mess up, and you'll toss in some extra gold as a teaching fee.

At some point, we need to talk to the lich about memory transfers. If she can take memories, maybe she can implant them? It might be a handy way to learn some skills, like cooking.
>>
No. 440438 ID: 4a328b

We'll be back with the fish shortly!
>>
No. 440444 ID: 733ae0

>>440435
>Is our common really only half understandable?
It's a matter of speech.
>>
No. 440445 ID: b33427

"Thank you for the offer. I'll keep it in mind for when I have fewer bosses than I do now."

Ask how long it will take to prepare, and, just to make sure, ask if it is poisonous for non-drow, or kobolds, to eat; You don't want to find that one out first-hand.

While you're waiting, ask Clunker if there's a slave market in the Commons; You'd like to confirm that these markings are actual drow slave markings. They might also have records of the kind of marks certain drow groups use to compare it against, which could tell you which one you were sold to. After he's finished eating, of course.
>>
No. 440482 ID: f09b71
File 134442322416.png - (77.32KB , 700x700 , 2-30.png )
440482

I like to think of my basic as being quite adequate at the very least! I do hope that this chef is just rough around the edges.

"Then I will get fresh fish soon! I will keep an apprenticeship in mind, but when I am under fewer bosses. By the way, the dish isn't poisonous for non-drow, correct?"
>"What? No."
"I am willing to help with this meal, by the way, I am willing to part with more gold to learn how this dish is made!"
>"It's a complex dish. If you expect to see anything from running right into an advanced meal, save yourself some time and just dump your gold into my coffers."
"In that case, I will be off!"
>"Yeah yeah."
>>
No. 440483 ID: f09b71
File 134442323445.png - (94.15KB , 700x700 , 2-31.png )
440483

>Ask Clunker about a slave market to confirm the slave mark

"Hey Clunker!"
>"What is up, bud'bold?"
"Is there any slave market around here?"
>"That's fawkin' HALF the market 'round here, kid. And half the reason ya need me to keep the slave traders past arms reach! Why? You wanna go there?"
"Possibly to confirm that these marks are, in fact, drow markings! Then again, perhaps I should simply hurry to gather the fish."
>"'ey, it's your choice. I'm jus' followin' no matter where you go."
>>
No. 440485 ID: b85f8c

>>440483
Can't we get the fish for cooking then go visit the slavers while it's being cooked?
>>
No. 440515 ID: d6c330

I think our order should be something like this:

-acquire fish
-deliver fish to chief
-investigate slave market while chef cleans the fish and cooks
-pick up meal
-get back

If we want to investigate the slave market while marked as a slave, Clunker seems valuable to have around. You need to appear to be traveling with someone, or you run the risk of being picked up and resold.

You might have to have Clunker poses as your owner, as it would seem odd for a slave to be asking questions ("I bought this idiot bold, and he claims he was drow trained! Is he a filthy liar, or is that what this stupid markings mean?"). Of course, then you have to trust him not to resell you either.

Possibly, you could have him investigate while you fish, although that might not work without your neck to show off.

Gnolls gain regenerative powers when they eat, it would seem. His torn ear's grown back.
>>
No. 440520 ID: d8537a

>Gnolls gain regenerative powers when they eat, it would seem. His torn ear's grown back.
Everyone knows eating heals you, just like sleeping for a while does.
>>
No. 440540 ID: cf49fc

>>440483
Hey, if he's following you, that makes him your scruffy, ill-mannered, yet brave and loyal cohort. The Drow can hardly fault how proper it is for a Gentleman to have a Man's Man to deal with the riffraff.

Also, I do not recommend the slave market. Those are filthy places, no place for a man of your stature.
>>
No. 440556 ID: f09b71
File 134444812197.png - (82.26KB , 800x800 , 2-32.png )
440556

>Why not get the fish first?
... no reason!

"I will be heading off to get a fish, then, Clunker! I will be fine, so just wait here, please!"
>"Ey! I said I'm comin' with."
"No, really, I insist you not come with me!"
>"Sick o' me already, huh?! I told ya I had a job!"
>>
No. 440558 ID: d9db2f

>>440556
Eh, it's a secret fishing hole. If I told everyone where it was, it'd get overfished, and all the other 'bolds would start starving. Then they would eat me. They might kill me first if I was really lucky.
>>
No. 440561 ID: d6c330

Hmm. We should either have him guard the path to the fishing hole, or send him to gather info from the slave market, and meet us back at the restaurant.
>>
No. 440563 ID: f09b71
File 134445014355.png - (86.99KB , 700x700 , 2-33.png )
440563

"No, I can't say! It's a koboldy secret, and if I gave it away, we'd all starve! Then they'd eat me! Maybe even kill me first if I was lucky!"
>"Well that's why ya got a bodyguard, dumbass! Exactly so that doesn't happen!"
"I tell you what! I may need someone to guard the path, or maybe to gather information from the slave market!"
>"A bodyguard! Ya want a regular guard or a.. information.. gather informationalist... person, ya gotta hire me fer that! Each a' those things are probably another meal!"
>>
No. 440564 ID: d9db2f

>>440563
So wait, are you saying you'd guard the kobolds against starvation? By letting them eat you? You are one hell of a dedicated bodyguard.
>>
No. 440565 ID: 2a7713

Tell him to ask around about these new drow and if anyone else has heard about them. For payment he can join us for dinner with the drow :D hilarity ensued.
>>
No. 440566 ID: de90a8

Say that you're just temporarily reassigning him to bodyguard the chef until your return. It's totally cool. He's protecting your investment. You're the boss here so you're the one evaluating the risks and utilizing Clunkers ability in key areas according to the situation.
>>
No. 440571 ID: d6c330

Oh, haha. This guy is smarter than I first gave him credit for. Sticking to the letter of the agreement in such a away that it works to his employer's disadvantage, finagling a higher payment in return for actually being useful. That's the kind of dick move we'd pull.

I like it. I say he deserves to be paid for coming up with it.

Offer his another meal to upgrade from bodyguard to bodyguard and errand runner. Insist that we get more than just the one errand out of it, so we can get him to do something later (then we have an excuse to call on him during our escape plan). Then we send him off to run our question asking errand, while we fish.
>>
No. 440574 ID: b85f8c

>>440563
Alternate solution: BUY fish.
>>
No. 440599 ID: f09b71
File 134445611113.png - (55.45KB , 700x700 , 2-34.png )
440599

"Okay, okay! If you ask about the drow, I'll let you join us for dinner! In fact, if you're willing to do more errands like this, I would be willing to pay you with meals now and again!"
>"If that means I get to eat with ya an' these drow, then yeah, cause I was gonna join ya anyway!"
>>
No. 440600 ID: f09b71
File 134445617566.png - (140.53KB , 700x700 , 2-35.png )
440600

Some time later...

In the venerable wisdom of hindsight, that may have been a bad idea. Oh well, it is too late for second guesses!

>Be a big game hunter
Beginnings are modest.

>"You fish much. What is ring around neck? Dumb Yapper get enslaved?"

Ah, it's Sili. Normally she hunts for less, uh, suicidal game than the fish.
>>
No. 440602 ID: b85f8c

Tell her it's just for one week, and you might get a story out of it.
>>
No. 440606 ID: e3f578

>>440600
"Yeah, I'm a drow experiment in turning a kobold into a drow gentlemen. You said go to the dragon to get an adventure, which led to the lich giving me an adventure, and then I was going and a forth between the two and now I got this one. I have to cook for some ladies and I'm bringing my gnoll bodyguard as a dinner guest. It's crazy. I'll get free soon enough, I learn fast and I've gotten out of worse scrapes if graduating doesn't grant me freedom. It ain't dumb, I made some good gold last week and I'm gonna get some good gold this week too."
>>
No. 440609 ID: d9db2f

>>440602
This. Let's not give away too much detail, this might be Zirkala in disguise again seeing if you can keep your mouth shut.
>>
No. 440612 ID: 886a4d

>>440609
If it is someone disguised as her its probably best to simply say yes we did get enslaved and not elaborate.
>>
No. 440613 ID: f793db

>>440612
Go with this
>>
No. 440614 ID: d9db2f

>>440612
True.
>>
No. 440617 ID: d6c330

If we admit we're enslaved, when we come home, we may find the village has looted our shack and possessions. I mean, it's not like we'd be coming back and need them, right? (The litch warned us about that).

Hard to bluff, if we're limited to pidgin draconic, here.

"No, only useful 'bolds get enslaved. Yapper seem useful to you? *Grin* Is part of a cunning plan."

She'll gladly think you a fool, and will be disgusted with your stupidity rather than display any interest in your "plan".
>>
No. 440620 ID: d9db2f

>>440617
Wait, we have stuff? I thought we just had some gold, and we can carry that around.
>>
No. 440622 ID: d6c330

>>440620
We at the very least have a set of walls with enough privacy that the lich feels she won't be spotted is she teleports in, a straw bed, rudimentary cooking materials, and his fishing rod (oh wait no, we broke that). Probably other odds and ends as well.

All free for the taking if we're enslaved. I mean, at the very least you'd expect space to be a premium.
>>
No. 440623 ID: f09b71
File 134445854005.png - (106.12KB , 700x700 , 2-36.png )
440623

"For mere week, and Story Seeker may get story. Only useful kobold get enslaved! You admit Story Seeker is useful? Is cunning plan."
>"That it? For find story, you no share details. Yapper enslaved because stupid slave willing to die makes good slave. What slave wanders around kobold village?"
"Incomplete story no story worth sharing! Not in draconic. Should learn common! And, current owners let time off. Only week anyway! No steal my stuff."
>"Better things to do than learn common, like not be in danger all time."
"To each have own! Story Seeker not afraid, is doing well."
"Not Story Seeker. Yapper. You Yapper."
>>
No. 440625 ID: bdb3f8

>>440620
Yes, we have a hut. It contains at least a straw mat and blanket, as visible in the opening picture of this thread.

>>440617
Sure, something like that. Maybe something about learning to cook too.
>>
No. 440628 ID: b85f8c

She can call you whatever she likes.
>>
No. 440630 ID: d9db2f

>>440623
I note she didn't say anything about not looting your stuff. What do you have that would be difficult to replace?
>>
No. 440631 ID: d6c330

...not bad, but you kind of tried to make intelligent excuses and play off her disgust of you at the same time. Not surprising she just ended up annoyed with you.

If she hangs around:
"Yapper will be Storyteller, just will see.
What Sili doing at fishing, anyways?"

Continue fishing. You need more than just 1, I think.
>>
No. 440632 ID: e3f578

>>440623
Man should make own name.
Tired of insults.
A smart life in your terms is a boring life.
Sili what do you do for fun and fulfillment?
>>
No. 440634 ID: d9db2f

Wait, if danger is bad, why is having broken horns a good thing? Fairly sure Story Seeker mentioned in Thread 1 that he was held in low regard because all his horns are intact.
>>
No. 440635 ID: f09b71
File 134446013206.png - (123.95KB , 700x700 , 2-37.png )
440635

>What would be difficult to replace?
With a little bit of gold, nothing! My material wealth is, shall we say, not a tall pedestal to fall from should it all be stolen!

"Why danger bad? Thought Sili said broken horn is good."
>"Should find middle ground between coward safety and stupid danger. Need smart danger."
I have no idea.
"Yapper will be Story Seeker. Will see! Man should make own name."
>"And Grunk would name self Legendary Great Warrior, but all Grunk get is gravemarker that say Grunk on it."
"Sili would be Sili, but now is Downer Kobold! Tired of insults. What doing at fishing pond anyway?"
>"Not see Yapper all morning. Thought dead finally, but just off being enslaved. Fish always easy meal to get, and Sili not find any rats. Will fish too."
"What Sili do for fun and fulfillment?"
>"Live."
>>
No. 440637 ID: b85f8c

Wait, is she worried about you?

God I hope we don't have to avoid having sex with HER too.
>>
No. 440638 ID: d9db2f

>>440635
What do you live for? What's the point?
>>
No. 440639 ID: d9db2f

>>440637
I think she meant she was hoping we were dead. Might as well add "Sweet of you to worry" to annoy/fluster her, depending.
>>
No. 440647 ID: d6c330

>>440639
Yus.

Just remember to keep an eye on the clock, well, inner clock at least. You can't spend all your time living up to your unfortunate name, yapping away when we have fish to catch and things to do on a deadline.
>>
No. 440657 ID: f09b71
File 134446433739.png - (50.56KB , 700x700 , 2-38.png )
440657

"Is sweet of Sili to worry."
>"Fah. Graveyard is full."
"Downer Kobold no need worry."

And so the conversation dies down, and I eventually get another fish to make sure there is enough. As I shouldn't spend too much time, I bid Sili goodbye and head off.
>>
No. 440660 ID: f09b71
File 134446450678.png - (130.61KB , 700x700 , 2-39.png )
440660

Clunker is waiting for me at the chef's area, as I give the fish up to said Chef.

>"Lookin' like everyone's in on this whole drow bit. Feels like a some kinda joke I wasn't invited to. Yeah they say drow often mark slaves usin' the whole neck rings an' the like, supposedly. Th' new drow barely been here for long, so they haven't been dealin' with 'em too much yet. They expect the drow's business to start pickin' up real fast though, say the drow love havin' slaves." Clunker says.
>>
No. 440663 ID: b85f8c

Say that it's not too late for him to back out of the dinner, if he doesn't want to risk getting enslaved himself now that he believes us. We can just switch the deal to extra meals... and on hindsight maybe they wouldn't like it if we invited an extra person without asking?
>>
No. 440667 ID: d9db2f

>>440663
This.
>>
No. 440668 ID: d6c330

Thank him for the info. They're acting like normal drow in one respect, at least.

It'll be a joke you get to experience if you tag along. Are you really sure you want to? I'm not sure I'd want to put up with them for just food.

...we should also make it clear he absolutely cannot try to bodyguard you if they decide to smack you. That would be disastrous. If he complains, tell him a bodygaurd's role should be to protect from real threats, not annoyed women.
>>
No. 440698 ID: b33427

Dissuade Clunker from coming to dinner by pointing out that you'll get in big trouble for bringing a dinner guest without permission. He wouldn't like it anyway. These drow are real uptight about proper posh manners. Considering you only got slapped for your minor bad manners, Clunker would have them responding in a way that'd leave the smell of burt gnoll fur in the air for days.

Since you have some downtime while the food is prepared, see if you can find a bookseller and buy a book on basic drow manners and etiquette. It'll be an investment in keeping your cheeks from developing callouses from glove impacts.
>>
No. 440719 ID: f09b71
File 134447281463.png - (68.34KB , 700x700 , 2-40.png )
440719

"Hey, Clunker. It's appreciated, believe me, for you to take your job so seriously! You can back out, though! You don't want to come with me. You'd risk getting enslaved yourself, and you absolutely cannot bodyguard me if they decide to smack me! I also don't have permission, and they smacked me for minor transgressions! They'd expect far too much from you!"
>"Kid I didn't take this job to back back down! 'sides, I'm sure they'd love me! I can be real gentlemanly if I put my mind to it! A real charmer. Don't just kick me out like that! I'm insistin', here!"
>>
No. 440720 ID: 4a328b

Very well!
>>
No. 440723 ID: d6c330

Well, he was cleverer than we initially gave him credit for. Maybe he can pull off a polite act. Heck, a gentleman bringing home another gentleman caller could work.

But really, he can't interfere with them trying anything short of killing us. And if they're horrible to him, he should leave instead of fighting back. After all, getting us in more trouble is the opposite of what a bodyguard does.

We also want to stash the gold on our way back, which may be a little tricky with him in tow, but whatever. He hasn't backstabbed us yet, and he could have easily beaten you up and kept the gold earlier.
>>
No. 440726 ID: 997ce7

>>440720
I don't really see what we can do other than this.


Oh, and ask him to open his eyes, it's starting to make me suspicious. It could quite plausibly just be his face due to his personality, but I want to make damn sure he isn't some kind of weird Corinthian-demon type thing.
>>
No. 440729 ID: 4a328b

>>440726
Let's wait and see if he opens them on his own. Or we can ask him later.
>>
No. 440730 ID: 997ce7

>>440729
Fair enough, I suppose. Although I'm getting a bit paranoid after the illusionary dragon, illusionary herb seller, and uh... that's it, but let's not have it happen a third time.

Maybe ask him to show us his charming act and ask if it involves opening his eyes while not implying my paranoid fears?
>>
No. 440735 ID: f09b71
File 134447481378.png - (93.36KB , 700x700 , 2-41.png )
440735

"Perhaps you could show me your gentlemanly act now? Perhaps it involves opening ones eyes?"
>"You makin' fun o' my face?"
"Er, no, nevermind! Very well, you can come!"
>"Nice nice. Ya wantin' to do anythin' else, or jus' wait for the chef to do his thing and get on our way?"
>>
No. 440740 ID: b85f8c

The drow said something about our clothes... maybe we can get some from here. We should be able to afford a decent outfit.
>>
No. 440741 ID: d6c330

Price check! Out of curiosity, how much gold have we blown so far on all this? (I assume you've already paid or agreed upon a price with the chef).

We might need to swing by your shack and grab some plates and utensils if there weren't any at your mud hut guesthouse. Unless you were savvy enough to make fancy food you're supposed to eat with your hands, the ladies aren't going to want to.
>>
No. 440742 ID: 997ce7

>>440735
"You might want to know howt o get along with the drow."

Let's see. He cannot accept charity, so he'll have to be out gentlemanly bodyguard and earn his stay. Shouldn't be a problem.

Also, they don't like it when you ask about things they expect gentlemen to already know. Is there anything you'd like to know about, just in case?
>>
No. 440751 ID: 4a328b

>>440742
Well, tell him what you seem to have picked up about their idea of a "gentleman" so far, yeah.
>>
No. 440768 ID: f09b71
File 134447929731.png - (89.07KB , 700x700 , 2-42.png )
440768

>Gold check!
I have spent 45 on the meal and 8 on clunker's food! I have 447 remaining!

"Clunker! I may need better clothes! I have snazzy armor, but that is for fighting, not for gentlemanning! Do you know of any tailors?"
>"Yer in luck, kid, barely anyone around here cares about clothes enough to make a business at 'em, but there is one that came around recently! Follow me."

While he leads on, I share with him what I know about the Drow's idea of a gentleman. Half the time I do not even think he is listening, but when I ask, he recites the lesson in, well, his interpretation of such accurately enough.

>"Here we are, kid. Don't know much about tailorship, but it don't smell like a butcher's shop to me."
>>
No. 440769 ID: f09b71
File 134447934680.png - (97.65KB , 700x700 , 2-43.png )
440769

Some species I have never seen before comes to me, next to a tent I presume she sets up shop in.

>"Hello."
"Greetings! Are you the tailor? I have come for clothes."
>"You want clothes? Okay. I can make some for you right now, I'm really fast. What kind?"
>>
No. 440771 ID: e3f578

Got something with SWAG?
Does he/she know any drow designs? Something minimalistic, but with some nice fabric. Maybe a black tunic with some gold-colored lacings?
>>
No. 440772 ID: 4a328b

Whatever you wind up getting, don't wear it around this area. It'll make you look more like a target, and risk ruining your fancy clothes
>>
No. 440773 ID: 997ce7

>>440772
Clunker will also need one for his gentleman act.
>>
No. 440774 ID: b85f8c

That's a dog variant kobold, doofus. But since you have no way of knowing that, ask what he is.

As for what kind of clothes... something fancier, but not just for parties or whatever.
>>
No. 440791 ID: d6c330

Lizardbold, meet dogbold.

You want fancy, but workable. You have to be able to move and work in these clothes without getting the clothes ruined (so not a dress suit). Maybe a vest and pants, kinda Gatsby-ish? (style at least, his color pallet wouldn't suit you. I'd think you'd want blacks and greys rather than whites).
>>
No. 440837 ID: 82bb3b

How about a bond style tuxedo?
>>
No. 440901 ID: f09b71
File 134449786536.png - (99.95KB , 700x700 , 2-44.png )
440901

"May I ask what you are?"
>"A kobold, duh!"
"But, I'm a kobold."
>"Nuh uh."
"... anyways, I need something that appeals to drow sensibilities! Do you know any designs like that?"
>"Uhhhhhh...."
"No matter! Something simple, but with nice fabric. Preferably dark! Possibly gold colored lacings. A bit of swag, but still able to work and move while in it!"
>"Okay, I think I have an idea! Hold still."

She, I think, takes my measurements and begins to work. And she does work quickly, and it doesn't take long before, well...

>"Okay, and..."
>>
No. 440902 ID: f09b71
File 134449788882.png - (102.67KB , 700x700 , 2-45.png )
440902

She is nice, but....

>"I know it doesn't quite fit as well as I wanted to, I'm sorry, I'm a bit new to this! What do you think? "
"I think, uh...."
>>
No. 440903 ID: f09b71
File 134449791385.png - (71.39KB , 700x700 , 2-46.png )
440903

>>
No. 440904 ID: 4a328b

The left side [your left] is very well done!
>>
No. 440905 ID: 735f4f

Not bad for a first try.
>>
No. 440915 ID: 12c19f

Goddamn mammalian kobolds and their puppy eyes.
>>
No. 440916 ID: 6a5a08

"Just needs some tweaking. The left side is excellent. Perhaps you should not rush quite so much? Haste makes waste, as they say."
>>
No. 440919 ID: 348076

as much as I can see, the right side just has some parts too long. shouldn't be unable to fix^^
maybe some nice words and asking about fixing a little bit...
>>
No. 440921 ID: b33427

...Dangit, she's making that adorable face that makes you feel like any criticism will break her little heart. Here's hoping she doesn't go to pieces.

"Uh... It's real good for a first try!" Raise your left hand. "I like this half the best. Mirror it over to the other side, add the same cuff trim to the collar and hem, and it'll be perfect." Did she do a pair of pants as well? Have her add the same trim to the leg cuffs too. Get a belt to match as well.

When she's done, tell her that you'll let your drow mistresses about her; They'd be real interested in doing business with a tailor that can work this fast and good. That is, if she doesn't think they'd abduct her into slavery. That happens a lot to your kind of kobolds around here when they show skill.

>>440901
"Kobold" might be the name stuck on any species that is short and gets pushed around by everyone else a lot. Wouldn't be the first time the same name was put on two separate species.
>>
No. 440949 ID: f09b71
File 134451077845.png - (78.86KB , 700x700 , 2-47(2).png )
440949

"It is an excellent left side, my left that is, perhaps if you could mirror it! And remember, I am not in a particular hurry, so do take your time!"
>"Well... okay. I'm sorry!"

>Tell her about the Drow
I, uh, do not know if the drow, in their demand for perfection, would go easy on this one's sensibilities!
>>
No. 440950 ID: f09b71
File 134451081682.png - (106.51KB , 700x700 , 2-48.png )
440950

Some time later, she gets it.. well, better! There are some stitches and seams that are rather apparent should one look close, and the fit certainly doesn't quite feel right, but aside from the armor, this is still the best fabric I have been in.

"Thank you, miss! It is much better. How much will that be, then?"
>"Um, um. 5 gold. I- I hope the trim is okay. I sort of, um, copied it from your neck decoration."

Now, I do not know prices and appraisal well, but I am certain that this sort of labor goes over that much!
>>
No. 440951 ID: f793db

ask him how much the material cost.

Cover at least enough to pay for the material and one or two meals.
>>
No. 440954 ID: d6c330

Oh gods. Pay puppy eyes tailor what you think it's worth, don't let her undersell herself.
>>
No. 440956 ID: a9298b

Yeah, five gold would be less than Clunker's meal. Maybe ten gold plus the cost of the materials?
>>
No. 440966 ID: 98b9cc

Ask her how much she paid for the material and give her the five gold on top of that. She isn't very good yet, but you're going to need a tailor in the future. Letting her run at a loss is bad for both of you.
>>
No. 440968 ID: 997ce7

>>440951
This
>>
No. 440975 ID: f2e56f

>>440966
>>440968
Yes. Also, you can always use it as an excuse for the Drow as 'investing in business ventures like a proper gentleman' to the drow.
>>
No. 441006 ID: 4a328b

>>440966
Good payment plan.
>>
No. 441052 ID: f09b71
File 134455312801.png - (110.16KB , 700x700 , 2-49.png )
441052

"How much did these materials cost you."
>"U-uh, um.. well, after I used too much, uh, maybe about 7 gold."
"Well, you can't expect to make a profit when you use more cost in supplies than you make in payment!"
>"O-oh? Well, I hoped that if I worked enough..."
"Not to worry! I will pay you 12 gold pi- no hugs necessary!"
>"You are the nicest person!"
>>
No. 441054 ID: e455f1

D'awwwww.
Be nice and explain that, unless you're doing a favor or something for friends, you should charge the cost for all materials you spent, plus some depending on how much work you had to do.
>>
No. 441058 ID: b33427

Thank her for the compliment, and pay her for the work. Add that you'll come back when you're not in a rush so she can take her time and make these clothes even better.

Ask if she knows that most of the people around here don't put much stock in fancy, or even average, clothes, as evidenced by your previous outfit and that burlap toga Clunker is wearing. If she just does clothes, suggest she branch out into other textile work. There's always a market for quality backpacks, bags, blankets, and bedrolls.
>>
No. 441060 ID: bf54a8

now fuck. :V
>>
No. 441068 ID: 4a328b

>>441054
Yup.

Should we have her make something for our bodyguard, too? Or should we be on our way?
>>
No. 441083 ID: d6c330

We don't need to get our gnoll a whole outfit. Just get him a bowler hat or something.
>>
No. 441086 ID: f09b71
File 134455904547.png - (75.59KB , 700x700 , 2-50.png )
441086

"Unless you are doing favors for friends, you should charge for the cost and the work! Plus, perhaps you should extend your work to include backpacks, bedsheets and so forth!"
>"You think so?"
"Absolutely. Now, I do have my gnoll friend, who could likely use a good hat!"
>"Oh, sure, I can do that!"
>>
No. 441087 ID: f09b71
File 134455905440.png - (86.68KB , 700x700 , 2-51.png )
441087

And so I head back to the chef while the gnoll gets his hat, and I am brought a fanciful looking platter. A tiny one.

>"You can keep the cover. To go, right? Don't jostle it too much. Or at all."
"Isn't it, er, a bit... small?"
>"No. These are prim and proper drow, right? Every manner and aspect of their meals revolves around their silly act like they do not need to eat. Everything is a delicacy, not sustenance."
>>
No. 441089 ID: d6c330

Hmm. Well, that could very well be true. I suppose it couldn't hurt to have staples on hand if he's wrong and they're actually hungry (a loaf of bread and butter, say).

You may need to ditch Clunker if the meal is tiny though. ...or feed him again. t_t He's rapidly becoming a high maintenance buddy.
>>
No. 441090 ID: a9298b

Oh. In that case, you should probably grab something to eat before you leave so that you don't go hungry.
>>
No. 441117 ID: 997ce7

>>441087
Does anything I should be aware of happen if it gets jostled, like live poisonous spiders escaping and hiding in my bed or some such?
>>
No. 441126 ID: f09b71
File 134456820373.png - (50.56KB , 700x700 , 2-52.png )
441126

"So, uh, do I have to worry about live poisonous spiders coming loose in my bed at night if it gets jostled?"
>".... no. But a spider leg might become crooked and asymmetrical."
"Well, thank you very much! Could I purchase some regular food to go, for myself? Just bread and butter and perhaps a bit of meat will do!"
>"Certainly. An additional 3 gold, for your stature."

After that and the clothes, including Clunker's hat, I have 423 gold remaining. I shall make sure to hide it in an old personal kobold village hiding spot that hasn't failed me yet!
>>
No. 441127 ID: f09b71
File 134456822736.png - (98.57KB , 700x700 , 2-53.png )
441127

That done, I retrieve Clunker and so I head off to my new, uh, gentleman's home as I wait for the drow! By this point, it is no long wait for the first one to come through the door.

"Greetings, Lady Alia!"
>".... Hello. What, may I ask, is that large furry ball?"
>>
No. 441128 ID: 299ed3

"If I maybe be so bold, It is quite rude to refer to a gnoll as such."
>>
No. 441130 ID: b85f8c

Formally introduce your gnoll friend.
>>
No. 441132 ID: 4a328b

Introduce Clunker, an enterprising gentlegnoll who has agreed to act as our bodyguard in exchange for meals.
>>
No. 441134 ID: a9298b

>>441132
This, maybe adding something about how it would have been ungentlemanly of you to refuse an offer that would both benefit you and keep him from going hungry.
>>
No. 441135 ID: 997ce7

>>441132
I suggest replacing meal with room and board.

Also, I am somewhat puzzled as to how he seems spherical to the drow.
>>
No. 441138 ID: f09b71
File 134456980188.png - (105.51KB , 700x700 , 2-54.png )
441138

>Names
This has already been learned!

"This would be Clunkler, an enterprising gentlegnoll who has agreed to act as my bodyguard!"

Clunker, who remains sitting, tips his hat.
>"Th' kid din't tell me ya were fawkin' hot."

Just when it almost appeared that he could be polite, our first meal ends up being the taste of silent awkwardness in the air!
>>
No. 441145 ID: a9298b

>>441138
well, we probably all should have seen that coming. Maybe you could explain it away as a cultural difference?
>>
No. 441146 ID: b85f8c

Continue with the awkward silence until it becomes an uncomfortable silence.
>>
No. 441147 ID: 997ce7

>>441138
"I believe he meant to compliment you on your excellent presentation. However, when one has lived in a rural area all one's life, an accent does of course creep in. Now excuse me as I discuss his rates with him. I'm sure you don't want to sully yourselves with crass commerce." while glaring at him.
>>
No. 441148 ID: 4c133b

She's fucking hot, alright.
>>
No. 441152 ID: 997ce7

Ooh, ooh, I know! Let's drag him out and tell him they have crotch-mandibles instead of vaginas, and they eat your genitalia and inject you with lethal venom that liquidizes your internal organs so the mandibles can drink you. The mouths are just for talking. If he hits on them, or even stares at them in terror with his hands clutched protectively over his genitals, they will do that to him. And if he kills them, they will haunt his dreams and give him the worst wet nightmares ever, then eat his soul.

It'd be best for him to maintain an excellent posture via fear and never speak unless spoken to, and even then be as laconic as he can. In short, he should act like furniture so they don't decide he looks tasty.
>>
No. 441153 ID: d6c330

>fawkin' hot
...

MISSION FAILEO

>>441147
This seems appropriate. You need to serve them, get them happy, and either contain or remove Clunker asap.
>>
No. 441155 ID: af25e0

Don't explain it. Don't acknowledge that it even happened unless they say something.

Go ahead and present the food.
>>
No. 441156 ID: 997ce7

>>441155
This. If they do notice, then I'd suggest my earlier plan, and possibly telling Clunker about crotch-mandibles if there is consensus.
>>
No. 441166 ID: f09b71
File 134457462891.png - (75.43KB , 700x700 , 2-55.png )
441166

....

>"The manner of this gnoll are unacceptable! If he stays, he must learn proper manners."
"Ah, that is merely his accent! He is merely complimenting you on your excellent presentation. Now, excuse me for a second while I discuss his rates with him! I presume we are waiting for Lady Rika, yes? I will spare you the dreadful talk of business! While I pull my bodyguard outside! Do make yourself at home."
>>
No. 441167 ID: f09b71
File 134457470042.png - (102.78KB , 700x700 , 2-56.png )
441167

"That is not gentlemanly at all, Clunker!"
>"What? What? I ain't usin' my hands on her at all! Damn difficult."
"There is more to being a gentleman than not getting feely at the first sight!"
>"'ey, I'm keepin' my hands to myself here. Does a gentleman not do that?"
"Like, I am saying, there is appropriate speech as well!"
>"'ey, I'm just askin', does a gentleman keep his mitts ta 'imself, or does he NOT keep his mitts ta himself??"

>Explain that drow have crotch-mandibles
I am becoming incredibly tempted!
>>
No. 441171 ID: 4a328b

He keeps his mitts to himself, yes you've got that part down, but he also needs to speak politely, or risk getting slapped. And, I must note, a gentleman cannot strike a lady, even if he gets slapped.

Also we've been informed by reliable sources that it's not a good idea to try and sleep with these ladies, no matter how hot they are. So try not to flirt!
>>
No. 441174 ID: d6c330

A gentleman keeps his mits to himself, yes. But he should keep his verbal mits to himself as well. Telling them they're fawking hot is getting grabby with your words.

I'm increasingly thinking we need a way to get him to leave. The meal will end in disaster if he eats with them.
>>
No. 441175 ID: b85f8c

>>441167
Tell them that you've heard drow are... not right in bed.
>>
No. 441176 ID: 4c133b

Just don't talk near the drows. You can say all that is needed with a bow.
>>
No. 441177 ID: 7f2d33

Yes, it DOES mean keeping his paws off her, but at the same time he has to watch what he says, because the wrong words will lead to a slapping, possibly for both of you.
>>
No. 441178 ID: d6c330

>>441177
...and as my bodyguard, you should really try to avoid things that will get me slapped. They get testy about these things, I've got the bruises to prove it. On scales no less.
>>
No. 441214 ID: f09b71
File 134458172558.png - (79.88KB , 700x700 , 2-57.png )
441214

"A gentleman keeps his mitts and his verbal mitts to himself as well!"
>"Oh fine ya scrawny whelp. Should I just keep my trap shut, then?"
"Please! And don't flirt even if they want you to talk, I have it on good authority that they aren't right in bed!"
>"She was lookin' real right to me."
"Clunker!"
>"Fine, ya pissant. Let's go back inside an' start over."
>>
No. 441216 ID: f09b71
File 134458176221.png - (137.12KB , 700x700 , 2-58.png )
441216

SLAP
>"ey- ah right." Clunker says.

>"I will spare you the slap you deserve, kobold, as you have made an.. attempt to make yourself presentable. Those clothes are dreadfully tailored, but at least they are clothes, unlike the rags of before."
>>
No. 441217 ID: f09b71
File 134458180048.png - (65.88KB , 700x700 , 2-59.png )
441217

>"Now, Lady Rika will not be joining us, as she has other business to attend to. So! Let us see how you set up the table, with people's positions, plates and utensils! One slap for every mistake, so that you will remember your lesson. This... mud block will have to serve as our table."

... utensils? I forgot that some species even used those! Not as though I expected to get through this breakfast without a slap or two.
>>
No. 441222 ID: 4a328b

Maybe you lucked out and the chef included some utensils in the meal?

Be sure to put the food down on a stable surface before you try to figure out if you have anything that will work as plates or napkins and whatnot, as you don't want a slap to cause you to mess up the presentation of the food.
>>
No. 441230 ID: 6a1ec2

OK so plates go where they're going to be stuffing their faces, so like right below the chin so it catches food drips. The utensils go uh... on the side that they grab stuff with so like the knife goes on their sword arm side. Don't forget to make places for all the drow. Oh and I know the mud is dried but you still might want to cover it with a cloth so their food doesn't get all dusty.
>>
No. 441285 ID: f09b71
File 134458488349.png - (116.53KB , 700x700 , 2-60.png )
441285

I do set the platter down on the table, and briefly go to open it for utensils-

SLAP

>"Do not open the platter until we are ready to eat!"

I don't see how utensils would fit with the food inside, anyway!
>>
No. 441286 ID: f09b71
File 134458489546.png - (49.51KB , 700x700 , 2-61.png )
441286

So, I set the plates down!

SLAP
>"No utensils? Another slap. I expected as much, so I have brought my own."

SLAP
>"No napkins."

SLAP
>"Asymmetrical plates.

SLAP
>"No directions on where I would sit."
>>
No. 441287 ID: f09b71
File 134458490723.png - (105.71KB , 700x700 , 2-62.png )
441287

I must say that this is rather agitating, even to I, who prides myself on levelheadedness!

>"So, kiddo. Should I, uh, be doin' somethin'? M' bodyguard instincts're tellin' me to show her what fer."

He is actually snickering at my plight!
>>
No. 441288 ID: f09b71
File 134458491849.png - (129.29KB , 700x700 , 2-63.png )
441288

SLAP
>"No snickering, gnoll!"
>>
No. 441299 ID: 4a328b

Shall we unveil the food, now?
>>
No. 441309 ID: 7f2d33

Proceed with extreme caution. We may not leave with our faces intact at this rate.
>>
No. 441311 ID: 4c133b

> SLAP
> SLAP
> SLAP
> SLAP
This is quite addictive!
>>
No. 441315 ID: e3f578

If you can whisper to him without getting caught, remind him that he is by no means required to stay. And he may try to have a logical argument with the lady (That doesn't involve him hitting on her, figuratively or literally, and that it might be best to not combine words all the time and try and say words one by one like you and she does), saying that he is not her property and that she doesn't have the right to slap him like she does with you. That he has absolutely nothing to do with the contract discussed between Story Teller's previous owner and them, or their little gentlemanly experiment. Do they treat ALL strangers like this? Just slap them?

This might be the best way to get information about this little clan of theirs. Listening in on their argument.
>>
No. 441331 ID: b33427

Tell Clunker there's no need to act; You'll accept the consequences of your failures like a gentleman should. He should be guarding the door anyway, as a bodyguard should. He may wait outside if he feels he can't control his responses to your treatment. Then point out that wearing a hat indoors is bad manners, and he should fix that.

Hand the third plate to Clunker to hold until the end of the meal, since a bodyguard should guard their master, and his guests, while he eats. He may eat after the lady leaves.

Reposition the plates so that the remaining positions are on the left and right sides of the table, as viewed from the door. Politely request Lady Alia's utensils, so that you may place them for her. Place the forks on the left side, largest to smallest, from the plate outward, knife on the right, then spoons on the right, in the same size order as the forks.

Whatever the best seat available is, place it at Lady Alia's position at the table. Pull it out, so that the lady may take her seat.

Remove the cover from the dish, take the lady's plate, and serve her her portion, before doing the same for yourself. Unfortunately, you will have to use the lady's utensils to do. Make sure to ask if you may use them as such, and take the slap for it.

If the lady did not bring enough utensils for your position as well, then do not attempt to eat. It would not be gentlemanly to eat with your fingers. Besides, considering what the chef said about this meal, it's probably for the best if you don't eat it.
>>
No. 441340 ID: f09b71
File 134459878512.png - (69.96KB , 700x700 , 2-64.png )
441340

"Clunker, perhaps, as bodyguard, you should wait around and protect us while we eat! And you are not required to say, so you may wait outside by the door. And please remove your hat while you are indoors. Perhaps you could argue with her, but no flirting, keep it respectful!"
>"Shaw. It's a slap, ain't afraid of some slap. Jus' surprisin is all. But fine I'll wait, I'd eat the whole meal there anyway."
>>
No. 441341 ID: f09b71
File 134459879793.png - (128.39KB , 700x700 , 2-65.png )
441341

I put the two plates, Clunker holding the third, across from each other. Symmetrical! The Drow nods approvingly.

"May I have use of your utensils, so that I may stock the table?"
>"Certainly. I expect you know what utensils go where."
"I do believe that I have a basic idea of such... a thing. There are certainly a lot of utensils, here."
>"No, I only expected us two. There are only 2 of each kind of utensils in there."

I am certain that there are a lot of different forks. There are 8 forks. 6 knives, 4 spoons and 6 napkins. I have absolutely no idea what goes where other than fork on the left and knife on the right! And the drow expects me to guess such a combination, so I suppose that I must simply sort out the exact copies, and then... well, guess!
>>
No. 441342 ID: f09b71
File 134459880662.png - (57.12KB , 700x700 , 2-66.png )
441342

SLAP
>"No."
SLAP
>"No."
SLAP
>"No."
>"Yes."
SLAP
>"No."
SLAP
>"No."
>"Yes."
>"Yes."

.....
>>
No. 441343 ID: f09b71
File 134459881836.png - (133.41KB , 700x700 , 2-67.png )
441343

Some time later.

"S-so, are we ready to eat?"
>"Yes."

She looks quite pleased to see the dish! That may save me a few slaps.

I even manage to dish it up without incurring anything more. What I am dishing up, I do not know, but I manage to keep it intact?

But she does not eat.

>"Since you have made or attained, somehow, an approvable dish, I will let you know that it is considered more polite to be the last one to begin eating."
>>
No. 441344 ID: 4a328b

Ok, so. Put some food on your plate and just sit there. If you eat before her you might get slapped, right?
>>
No. 441345 ID: 886a4d

As a gentleman and a slave would I go first or last or somewhere in between?
>>
No. 441353 ID: d6c330

Oh gods. We should have bought a book on table setting etiquette or somethings. ...and apparently she can go for a lot more than two slaps.

>I will let you know that it is considered more polite to be the last one to begin eating
Obviously the gentlemanly thing to do is to take the hit (in stature, and face) by eating first, freeing her of the obligation to wait.
>>
No. 441357 ID: f793db

I think the proper thing to do would be to after everyone else is served, S.S. then serves himself, sits down, and, assuming the others haven't started, politely suggest that they eat, or that it would be a shame to let the cook's efforts go by unappreciated.

I don't think S.S. should be first to eat.
>>
No. 441365 ID: 997ce7

>>441343
"I assume I am to take the first bite and endure the slap rather than force you to be impolite."
>>
No. 441383 ID: f09b71
File 134461327856.png - (98.47KB , 700x700 , 2-68.png )
441383

"As a gentleman and slave, where would I fall into that?"
>"Where you decide."

After all that, I decide to take the first bite. A slap doesn't come, but she still manages to come off as disapproving with her mere gaze.

She takes one bite, and then stops eating and puts her fork down.
>>
No. 441384 ID: d6c330

...she's either impressed it came out so well, or she hates it. Or she's doing the drow slow eating thing. Best thing to do is wait a bit for her to do anything. If there's no reaction after a while, see if taking another bite prompts her to go.

How did the drow chow taste, anyways? Assuming you still can after all the face trauma.
>>
No. 441385 ID: 997ce7

>>441383
"I felt it was better to sacrifice my manners rather than force you to be rude or starve. How is the meal, by the way?"
>>
No. 441386 ID: b7169d

You are alright though aren't you? Those marks look bloody painful.
>>
No. 441387 ID: 93da66

Have you provided any drink? Provide something to drink.

There is also no conversation at the table. Perhaps you could ask if she'd like to hear a story or anecdote of some sort? Maybe something from your childhood so you have the excuse that you were young and reckless back then? You could then nudge her towards telling more about herself.
>>
No. 441473 ID: f09b71
File 134463937833.png - (80.34KB , 700x700 , 2-69.png )
441473

>Are you alright?
Although the stinging makes itself apparent, it is all superficial!

The drow food tastes.. different, but fine!

>Something to drink
Uh oh.

"So! Would you care to hear an anecdote or story of some sort?"
>"Oh, absolutely, please do entertain me with a story."
>>
No. 441481 ID: 886a4d

Hmm, we can't use anything that brags about your accomplishments. Maybe tell the story of the foolish treasure seeking goblin who managed to piss off both the local big bads. The first had him try to kill the other and when that failed he was sent back to the first to kill him as well. And so to this day he is caught between the vampire and the demon.
>>
No. 441499 ID: d6c330

If it were impolite not to serve the meal with a drink, she would have smacked you for it during the table setting. You're fine.

Hmm. We want a story that will draw her out. Eventually we need to get her talking about herself. A story that invites and encourages comment, and gets her involved.

...I'm not sure how to do that short of starting a quest within the quest though, and we don't need that nonsense. U_U
>>
No. 441503 ID: 299ed3

Recite the adventures of a cutebold named Chee.
>>
No. 441505 ID: 886a4d

>>441503
Way too convuluted... lets talk about the slime girl who worshipped the god of chaos. Should make the drow smile to see surface elves get their comuppunce.
>>
No. 441507 ID: 997ce7

>>441503
This.
>>
No. 441509 ID: d6c330

>>441503
>>441505
Retelling other quests as the source of our stories is brilliant.

I don't think we can get away with "retell <foo>" though. Someone needs to actually write up the spiel or summary we're giving.
>>
No. 441538 ID: f09b71
File 134464962566.png - (328.88KB , 700x700 , 2-70.png )
441538

Chee? I don't have all day, I'm afraid, for fantasical myths! I once heard about Muo. That is a silly tale, and it may have been skewed by rumors and mistellings by the time it reached my ears. I will tell it anyway, although there is not much to it from what I heard!

"I have a tale of one certain slime girl that, in her ambition and malice, prayed to the god of chaos! With great bravery, or, some would say, immense folly, she ventured forth out of her dank cave to do battle with the elves of the trees with the chaos magic granted by her god!"
>>
No. 441539 ID: f09b71
File 134464964116.png - (471.81KB , 700x700 , 2-71.png )
441539

"The elves, you see, stood for order and law, and the slightest hitch in the plan, hiccup in the status quo or slighest off angle in the wind would set their hearts low. And so Muo came to preach just how unorderly it came, invoking the fires of chaos--"


>"What? Wait wait wait. I know this story!" the Drow says.
>>
No. 441540 ID: f09b71
File 134464965434.png - (115.95KB , 700x700 , 2-72.png )
441540

SLAP
>"And that... that isn't what happened at all, kobold! Not even close!"
>>
No. 441542 ID: b85f8c

Ask her to tell the true version to you, you are quite interested!
>>
No. 441544 ID: 99090a

"Ah, but such stories are often skewed by many retellings and as such no one recital is identical to another! If you may, would you mind telling me the proper version so that I may spread it among my peers?"
>>
No. 441547 ID: d6c330

Truely? I apologize, and regret that the story that reached my ears was damaged by time, or in the retelling. Would you care to enlighten me with the true narrative?

(in before the drow were created by the drunken tree-Elf gobbo orgy that day).
>>
No. 441549 ID: f09b71
File 134465027625.png - (58.49KB , 700x700 , 2-73.png )
441549

"Well, please do tell me the true version, I am quite interested."
>"Certainly! Muo wasn't driven by malice or anything, she was just sent around to stir up some stuff! Not even trouble! In fact, she isn't even sure why she went to the chaos god in the first place, but she doesn't regret it."

Clunker turns his head.
>"Ya sure do know an awful lot 'bout this Muo person. Were ya there or somethin'?
>"I, uh, know Muo, okay? Be quiet, gnoll!"

She sounds different! I cannot place my finger on why, however.
>>
No. 441552 ID: d6c330

Oh gods.

She's Muo.
>>
No. 441553 ID: 99090a

"Would it be proper for me to ask of your relation to Muo? I was a storyteller by trade before I became a gentleman, and a source close to the person in question would lend an air of authenticity to my retellings!"
>>
No. 441554 ID: 7f2d33

Please, tell us MUORE.
>>
No. 441555 ID: b85f8c

Don't blow her cover! We're here to spy on them for a week, not to screw up whatever she's doing. Also it would be ungentlemanly.
>>
No. 441558 ID: d6c330

Really? How did you come to know her? I wouldn't have thought you would enjoy the company of a chaotic trouble stirring up slime girl. Whatever her motives, it hardy seems polite.
>>
No. 441559 ID: f793db

Don't suggest that she is Muo.

Thank her for the corrected story, and change the topic to a different story.
>>
No. 441560 ID: 886a4d

>>441552
I think you are right. Maybe our favorite god of chaos misses us!
>>
No. 441561 ID: 0c38ea

Ask Muo if the To- I mean, if the the Chao God put her up to this.
>>
No. 441564 ID: f09b71
File 134465126358.png - (68.69KB , 700x700 , 2-74.png )
441564

>She's Muo
That chances of that, although intriguing, are so abysmally...
>>
No. 441565 ID: f09b71
File 134465129202.png - (121.15KB , 700x700 , 2-75.png )
441565

I have been stricken with a revealing flashback!

How... I have taken pride in my skin, but even I admit that my scales are flaked boulders if I must compare it to this girl! I did not think that hands ever had any business being this smooth! I could likely write a novel on the matter!"
>>
No. 441566 ID: f09b71
File 134465130344.png - (50.45KB , 700x700 , 2-76.png )
441566

"That isn't skin! That isn't skin at all! It is way too soft and squishy!"

>Don't try and blow her cover
I can't help it! I blurt it out before even thinking it! And I expect many slaps for this!
>>
No. 441567 ID: f09b71
File 134465132839.png - (54.44KB , 700x700 , 2-77.png )
441567

>>
No. 441568 ID: f09b71
File 134465134786.png - (78.69KB , 700x700 , 2-78.png )
441568

>>
No. 441570 ID: f09b71
File 134465142292.png - (87.60KB , 700x700 , 79.png )
441570

>"WE FUCKED IT UP MUO BAIL BAIL BAIL"
>>
No. 441572 ID: d6c330

Wait, wait, no! Don't go! We won't tell anyone else! Maybe we can even work out some kind of a deal! You're trying to cause some kind of chaos, right? And I'm here for a good story. Maybe we could help each other.

...and I'm pretty sure you could pay off Clunker with food, easy.
>>
No. 441573 ID: 7f2d33

>>441572

Agreed, try to calm the situation. Chaos could possibly make for awesome pranks or something.
>>
No. 441574 ID: 7472ad

Hey, another guest. Apologize for not having prepared food for him.

Attempt to continue with the charade, because if things end early you may not get the money. Especially if the info became useless because you blurted out what you found. The Lich did in fact say she expected you to learn some manners too.
>>
No. 441575 ID: bf54a8

"calm yo tits"
>>
No. 441576 ID: b85f8c

Tell them to wait, ask what they were planning. We might even help them out!
>>
No. 441578 ID: fa9f7e

>>441572
This.
>>
No. 441579 ID: b33427

>>441572
Yeah, this sounds alright. You'll work with them in pranking the Drow and causing mischief, all in the name of a good story.

Say that even Clunker will even keep quiet about this if you keep his mouth stuffed with food. You even know of someone (Miss Drake, but don't mention her) with a problem of too much food that would be willing to hand it off to him.
>>
No. 441584 ID: f09b71
File 134465402264.png - (92.21KB , 700x700 , 80.png )
441584

"Wait just a second, don't go! We won't tell anyone else! You're looking for some kind of chaos, right? And I'm here for a story! So, uh, as long as your idea of chaos isn't like, murdering or something, we could help each other out! I'm sure clunker could be bought off with food.

>"S'true. By the way kid, totally called it. Ain't no drow around here."

>The drake with an eating problem
Ah, yes, in terms of food, the drake has a surplus! I will keep this idea in mind.
>>
No. 441585 ID: f09b71
File 134465403832.png - (103.12KB , 700x700 , 81.png )
441585

>"What do think, muo? Think they're cool?"
>"... probably?"
>"Yeah they're cool. Okay, we'll work them into our plan, then. Muo! Recite to them the plan!"
>"What was our plan?"
>"It was your plan, I don't know, I didn't want to know!"
>"Then... it was something about making a fake drow society, get some slaves under some pretext from that lich, so that we could get enough money and food to get back home! There was going to be some kind of market heist too." Muo says
>"We have no idea what we're doing."

....

>"S-sorry." Muo starts saying to me. "For all of the slaps."
>>
No. 441590 ID: d6c330

Aw. Poor Muo and Tom. They ain't much for planning without us.

Well first off, let me say what an honor it is to meet an honest to gods god! And the heroine of stories, even if I had them wrong at first.

...if the plan was to make money, why'd you pay the lich all that gold for little old me? Couldn't you have used that to get home?

And what was the deal with the other drow? Was she fake too, or are you hiding what you are from her?
>>
No. 441595 ID: fa9f7e

"You're not much good at planning without the headvoices, are you? I have to admit I'm not, either. You could have used the gold you paid for me to get back home, you know."
>>
No. 441599 ID: a9298b

okay, so where are they trying to get to, and why is the god of chaos not capable of getting them there?
>>
No. 441600 ID: b85f8c

Hey, the lich can normally sense illusions. I predict that Muo was splitting herself into three people and shapeshifting each one. She is just that good. But what about the gentleman training? Ask her if she really knows how gentlemen act, cuz it's probably still worth learning.

Also we still want to hear the real story of Muo's adventure! Multiple stories if possible! ALL THE STORIES!

As far as the food's concerned we can easily get some via the drake, but do it secretly. We don't want anyone to know where it's coming from, as she's supposed to be eating it all as a dragon. We absolutely cannot blow her cover. It occurs to me that the drake has been dropping her illusion for you at all times. Hmm.

The market heist has potential, but it's definitely a solo mission for Muo. She can disguise herself as anyone, which means Muo won't get any heat for it. If we joined in we'd get in serious trouble.

...huh, wasn't there a slime colony nearby too?
>>
No. 441601 ID: 89499d

> "S-sorry." Muo starts saying to me. "For all of the slaps."
To tell the truth...
>>
No. 441604 ID: fa9f7e

>>441601
They only stung a bit. Slime is not all that painful.
>>
No. 441607 ID: fa9f7e

Wait, does Muo count as man OR woman? She doesn't technically have genitalia, but the disease could count "sex" as occurring with any other living thing, so it seems safest not to try and hump Muo.
>>
No. 441616 ID: b33427

Tell Muo those slaps brused your scales far more than your pride, so no hard feelings.

Ask if Lady Rika was an extension of Muo, since you know the lich can see through all but the strongest of illusions. Also ask if it's only Muo and the God of Chaos who were running this Drow scam.

It's no wonder they couldn't come up with a coherent plan. Slimes are generally known for their lack of creativity; You said so yourself. And the God of Chaos doesn't strike you as the best at putting together an organized plan, since it would run contrary to his whole being. Offer to help them with their problem, if it would get you out of being a slave (since that's still your cover,) along with Muo sharing the accurate tales of her journeys with you, and instructing you in proper etiquette and manners.

...Actually, what's the God of Chaos doing bumming around down here? Aren't gods not supposed to manifest themselves down here? At least, not in front of those who are not the most devout of their followers.
>>
No. 441618 ID: bbee3d

"Tell me. Do you even know how to arrange fancy utensils, or were you just making that up?"
>>
No. 441646 ID: f09b71
File 134466015331.png - (126.09KB , 700x700 , 82.png )
441646

"No worries along the topic of slaps! Although I would much have preferred your hand rather than slapping glove. I would like to hear your tales, Muo!"

>Seems safest not to try and hump Muo. Does Muo count as man or woman?
I was not even thinking of it in the first place! As for gender, I would not know. I prefer to think of it based on their looks, rather than complicate matters. As far as I am concerned, she is female.

>"Oh, sure, uh, sometime. They're nothing that special though."
"I would like to know it myself! Now I must ask, did you know how to arrange fancy utensils, or were you just making that up?"
>"Oh, no, I've studied the drow quite a bit, I think that is how it all goes."
"And Muo, I don't suppose you know that there was a slime colony around here?"
>"I had no idea!"
"They can only shapeshift so much. Was Lady Rika you, as well? Lady Lich could see all but the most powerful shapeshifts."
>"Oh, no. I could, but I can't disconnect into multiple parts entirely, so it would have left an obvious trail between the two." Muo explains.
>"Rika was an illusion. I am the God of Chaos, mind you, so I think I can get some pretty good illusions going on!"
"And if I may ask the God of Chaos... I would imagine you would be able to teleport Muo back to her home."
>"Nah. First off, I'm not the god of Boring. Second, I only have so much magic on so many followers! And she's a loooong way from home. She'll tell you all about it apparently.
"I was also under the impression that gods did not manifest themselves to ones like myself so freely?"
>>
No. 441647 ID: f09b71
File 134466020973.png - (90.75KB , 700x700 , 83.png )
441647

>"... Tom, away!" he says, dissipating.

"....and my last question! You spent quite a bit of gold on me. Could not not have spent that much money on going home."
>"Oh, of course! But, uh, Tom, I mean, Chaos, he really just wanted to see how many slaps one of the locals could take before handng it back. Said he always wanted to experiment with that! That kind of failed, but I think he doesn't care that much anymore. If we could get that money back, I'd be able to go home. It's a long way, so I would need at least 2,000 for myself."
>>
No. 441651 ID: d6c330

...a week. I could have put up with your slaps for a week. That was how long the lich was paying me to go along with the slave act and spy on you. She was kind of suspicious, I'm afraid to say.

Now! If I uphold my end of the bargain, "escape" you by the end of the week, and report back, I'll have enough gold to send you home.

In the meantime, maybe we can have somewhat more fun. I'd love to swap stories, and learn etiquette in a less slap-happy manner. Or we could just go stir up some fun, the local lich and dragon do have a prank war on, after all.
>>
No. 441652 ID: 886a4d

We'd have to tell the Lich the truth about Muo, but I think we will still earn that gold. Hmm, I imagine the Lich will keep around a thousand gold, the drake needs that as well. That leaves 3000 left over. I suppose we could help her out with that. Its up to you but we like Muo...

First lets get all the stories we can out of her. It'll be our price for helping her home.
>>
No. 441653 ID: b85f8c

>>441647
Hah, then this is going to be easy. Tell her that you can get her that money easily after your week with her is up.

Don't reveal that you're a spy. Only that you have a way to get the money. Our loyalty is to our Drake first and foremost, second to the Lich, then to our friends.

As for what to do with the week, how about we continue the training for being a gentleman?
>>
No. 441655 ID: d6c330

Well, so long as we get 3000 from the lich, we can repay our loan at 2x as we promised, and send Mou home. Actually, we have 423g remaining, and since we don't need to spend to impress the nonexistent drow anymore, that means we'd only need 2577 from the lich to break even. ...unless we need to feed Clunker more, but that's chump change.

We could always earn more through some kind of chaos antics, if we had to. Actually, we should be planning some kind of chaos antics anyways.
>>
No. 441661 ID: 42c1c6

Why is it you are all so eager to give away our money? We already owe the drake a lot thanks to the ill advised need to impress the "drow", I don't suggest we hand our hard earned cash (which I believe is 2500 gold) away.

Muo's problem isn't your problem, and we are here to get an interesting story AND earn some gold.

That said, that doesn't mean we can't help them. The lich wanted to know about drow and drow customs... maybe for some cash Muo can tutor her, directly. Now that the cats out of the bag there's really no need to continue the charade.

Finally, I gotta say, story seeker, that you really have a nose for sniffing out secrets and subterfuge. Twice now we've managed to sniff out somewhat thorough illusions.
>>
No. 441666 ID: d6c330

>Why is it you are all so eager to give away our money?
Mostly because if we're paying her, it means for the rest of the week she's working for us. Just think of all the awesome stuff we can get up to with a chaos mage in our direct employ.
>>
No. 441668 ID: 886a4d

There is also the fact that we're getting a major priestess of a god who favors direct intervention in debt to us.
>>
No. 441674 ID: b33427

Technically, since there isn't an actual drow settlement to spy on, Story Seeker could report back to Zirkala right now and receive his payment. If it's 3000, he gives 2000 to Muo, pays Miss Drake 1000, and keeps the 423 leftover from the loan. If it's more than 3000, all the better.

However, Story Seeker's got a week that he could use to pick Muo's brain... er... mind to get her stories, and learn the etiquette and manners of not just the drow but other groups she's been in.

However, that's just plain boring. Story Seeker can do much better. Just think about it. He's got a week, a high priestess of the God of Chaos, a mangy gnoll bodyguard, and his own razor-sharp wits and silver tongue. All he now needs is a cunning plan, and they'll all be rolling in gold.

Perhaps a heist or scam on one of the Commons market businesses. One of the slave markets would be a prime target, but ask Clunker where the most gold flows through the markets, and we'll go from there.

>>441655
If Yapper gets the excess food offerings from Miss Drake, he'd easily be able to feed Clunker. In fact, there'd likely be enough for one or two more gnolls. Maybe Clunker knows of some others who'd work hard for a good meal.
>>
No. 441695 ID: 7d4f83

You have her at your mercy! Now make her go on quests to give you stories in return.
>>
No. 442233 ID: 6a1ec2

Local lich and dragon (cough) have a prank war on. Uh oh I think TomChaos will be real interested in this one.
>>
No. 442416 ID: f09b71
File 134483725080.png - (80.62KB , 700x700 , 84.png )
442416

Let's see.. thinking it over, I do prefer stories and possible hijinks more than gold, and if I get much of Zirkala's 5,000 gold for this, that should be more than enough to be a very well off kobold!

"I tell you what, Muo! I will help you go out, but I was originally planning on staying here for one week before escaping back to Zirkala! I suppose I could go back now and report a successful mission, but things have changed. I have decided that I will pay you, for your own employment instead!"
>"So... I would be your slave?"
"Er, no. I mean, I wasn't planning on that! More to teach me and or Lady Lich what you know about actual drow customs! Then again, the Lich seemed more interested in this particular, apparently fake, society because of its proximity, so I am not sure what she would care. Perhaps it is just me who needs lesson in these manners that confound me with their seemingly arbitrary standards! And stories. I want stories, fantasical ones, but they must be true!"
>"Oh, I can do that. In fact, I can't not make stories anymore, Tom doesn't let me sit still for long. So, that's it? You would give me all that gold just to share the manners I know and stories?"
"And antics around here! The local Lich and, uh, Dragon have a prank war in fact if you're interested."
>"I can work with that. Probably. Do you want to be involved, or should I just, uh, try and leave you out of to prevent things things from wrong and you get in trouble?"

Hm. I always did want true tales, and while I was glad to jump forward myself to make them, I never thought if I should do so even when there were others willing to do so in my stead!

If Muo leaves Story Seeker out of it, then control will switch directly to Muo for awhile. Suggestions will be treated as Muo's thoughts/ideas, rather than her previous branch of quests, Work of Chaos, in which suggestions were direct communication with Tom.

Also, if Muo is selected, it won't be necessary to read Work of Chaos to follow along for those who are unfamiliar with it. For those who WANT to be familiar with it, it is the first couple of threads after the main CheeQuest story, at http://tgchan.org/wiki/CheeQuest Quality not guaranteed

>>
No. 442417 ID: 735f4f

Man you got to get in on this. The best tales are the ones you make yourself. Plus getting in good with the god of chaos? Cant go wrong there.
>>
No. 442418 ID: b85f8c

>>442416
Let's join her for stuff that won't get us in SERIOUS trouble. Like, the safer shenanigans.
>>
No. 442420 ID: d6c330

...well, in character, I would think Story Seeker would want to tag along. He doesn't shirk from trouble, he boldly sticks his face in where it doesn't belong, and makes do with audacity and cheekiness.

I vote dual control. SS tags along with Muo for antics. We control Muo for for chaos shenanigans, but we can still direct bardic speeches SS's way if needed.

If that's too messy, SS tags along, but we control Muo.
>>
No. 442425 ID: 42c1c6

Forget Muo, I want to see more from story seeker. Lets have him get into some more good hijinks.
>>
No. 442429 ID: f7ae22

If we leave Story Seeker alone for more than 5 minutes he is going to cover himself in girls and get his disease cured.
Story Seeker needs to distract himself with all sorts of hijinks, he should get as involved as possible.
>>
No. 442431 ID: d6c330

>>442429
This logic makes a distressing amount of sense.
>>
No. 442566 ID: b33427

Story Seeker should come along for this ride, so he has first-hand experience of what happens. Better ask Clunker if he's willing to get in on this, or if he'll take his leave; He'll be paid in food to keep his trap shut either way, and more if he joins in.

However, does all the pranking and mischief have to start before Story Seeker is paid? What he could do is go to Zirkala with Muo in tow as evidence that the hidden drow settlement was a fake. Story Seeker introduces Muo, gives his account, and Muo conjures the illusion of Lady Rika, and changes into the form of Lady Alia as proof.

Story Seeker gets paid, pays off Miss Drake, and is now free for a week, and maybe a bit more, to plan and execute pranks. He'll even be free to have sex, which could be a useful element of a prank plan, without losing his payment.
>>
No. 442582 ID: f09b71
File 134490293993.png - (88.03KB , 700x700 , 85.png )
442582

>If we leave Story Seeker alone for more than 5 minutes he is going to cover himself in girls and get his disease cured.
I do not know whether that thought of mine should fill me with confidence or a sense of utterly inadequate self control!

>Go to Zirkala, reveal everything
Yes, I do believe that this would be the case!

"Clunker, I am going to accompany Muo on these hijinks! You will be paid food for silence on this whole thing anyway, but more food if you come!"
>"Yeh duh I'm comin', how many times I gotta tell ya I'm yer bodygaurd? Geez."
"We are going to make a stop at the Lich, first!"
>"Yeah kay."
"I am not sure if the Lich would like your presence!"
>"Well ain't that the lich's problem."

I do not know if Zirkala would mind if I brought the gnoll along to her, or bring him straight to the Drake to see about her food problem and leave him there for awhile.
>>
No. 442588 ID: 886a4d

Well if hes going to be on retainer for a while we might as well introduce him to the Lich as well as Muo.
>>
No. 442591 ID: d6c330

>sense of utterly inadequate self control
Um, Story Seeker, you do remember your last story, don't you?

Let's stop by miss drake the dragon (gotta keep the name right in front of these two, they don't know her secret!) first. We can drop Clunker off, and the Dragon is much less able to actually kill him should he piss her off. Friends don't bring friends to be fried by annoyed spellcasters.
>>
No. 442647 ID: b85f8c

If we're going to see the drake I sure hope she doesn't leave her illusion off like she has a tendency to do when we visit her.
>>
No. 442690 ID: f09b71
File 134491570978.png - (108.19KB , 700x700 , 86.png )
442690

I will bring Clunker by for some time, before heading to tell Zirkala of this whole mess.

>"You would intrude on my lair?" Lady Dragon says
>"Greetins." replies Clunker.
"This is my gnoll friend, Lady Dragon! I understand you could use a bodyguard, maybe even an errand runner, while I am not around! All he needs as payment is food, and I am sure that much could be considered table scraps!"
>"You are saying I eat too much, huh! No matter. Gnoll! Why do I not sense fear from you?"
>"Don't mind me miss, I jus' got a broken sense o', uh, whatsit... self prefermation. If'n you want me to get some o' that though, I'm sure a meal or too can make me act all scared, jus' gotta ask. I can be what ya want me to be. Real good guard. Always wanted to serve a dragon since I was a lil' pup."
>"I will consider it. But right now, I would like to know why that slimegirl is snickering?"

Oh, I'm glad I wasn't just imagining that behind me.
>>
No. 442691 ID: f09b71
File 134491573278.png - (86.38KB , 700x700 , 87.png )
442691

I never noticed that necklace of hers before.
>>
No. 442692 ID: 886a4d

This is Muo, a disciple of Tom Chaos. Who knows why someone who worships him laughs. Maybe she finds something she sees funny.
>>
No. 442694 ID: bbee3d

Oh, her? She hears voices in her head. Seems harmless enough, but it makes her laugh at inappropriate moments. Don't pay her any attention.
>>
No. 442696 ID: fa9f7e

>>442692
Also, Seeker, pretty sure that necklace is her link to Tom.
>>
No. 442699 ID: 6a1ec2

>>442690

Oh shit, you brought the holy? Muo can either see through the drake's illusion or her god informed her of it with intent to bring about chaos. Take Muo aside right now and tell her that you won't get nearly as much chaos as you could revealing the dragon's secret now as after she's scoped out the lich. She might mistakenly think either of you would be shocked if the illusion were broken, even though neither of you would, and she might jump too soon at the chance to show devotion to her cause!

Matter of fact you might want to think twice before bringing the holy priestess of a god before the lich at all, since said lich is a powerful unholy being defying the gods' very cycle of life and death.
>>
No. 442701 ID: 886a4d

The entire point of this is to bring Muo in front of the Lich so we can get that gold. Kinda defeats the purpose if we don't.
>>
No. 442702 ID: fa9f7e

>>442699
Tom gives precisely 0 shits about that kind of thing, if I remember his character with the slightest degree of accuracy. If the lich causes lulz, Tom is fine with the lich.

Anyways, hiss "We already know about that, Muo, now will not cause maximum trouble. It is also very likely to get you killed and/or eaten, and she doesn't like me enough to heed any pleas I might make to kill you first."
>>
No. 442703 ID: b85f8c

>>442691
Is it the necklace snickering? Stare at it. Accusingly.
>>
No. 442704 ID: bbee3d

>powerful unholy being defying the gods' very cycle of life and death

I don't know... That seems like exactly the sort of thing the God of Chaos would approve of.
>>
No. 442708 ID: d6c330

She's got a cursed amulet. It makes inappropriate noises at bad times. Like when laughing could get you killed by an angry dragon. Please, pay it no mind.

>Keep Tom away from the lich
But we're bringing Muo to her so we have proof when we tell our story. We caught the god of chaos red handed. That's totally worth it.

And I'm sure Tom will keep Muo (reasonably) safe, and since he's not soul eating right now, he's really got nothing against liches in particular. It's not like the God of Chaos would care about the orderly progression of life and death anyways.
>>
No. 442753 ID: b33427

Say she's wearing an amulet cursed by the God of Chaos. Or blessed. Or... something. You can't ever tell with that god. Anyway, it causes her to, more often then not, make inappropriate noises when they'll get her in big trouble. You're going to help her find a way to remove it without it turning her into a cheese golem that continually spouts insults.
>>
No. 442771 ID: f09b71
File 134492536561.png - (109.93KB , 700x700 , 88.png )
442771

"Oh, she has a Cursed Necklace of Inappropriate Noises! Please don't mind her."
>"Very well, the gnoll may stay. Remember what you owe me, kobold!"

>Glare at Tom
I give him my most intense glare, but he only giggles more. It's Muo that looks more unnerved!

>"... um..."
>>
No. 442775 ID: f793db

SS, stop staring angrily at Muo's tits.
>>
No. 442777 ID: d6c330

You're not going to make the god of chaos ashamed of causing chaos.

Also, you're inadvertently indulging in really angry looking awkward chest staring. That's hardly gentlemanly, and you could be working on your first actually deserved slap of the day if Muo decides to stand up for herself.
>>
No. 442780 ID: b7169d

You look like your staring at her breasts dude.
>>
No. 442789 ID: b33427

Realize that if the Tom, the God of Chaos, is giggling at something you're doing, it's likely inappropriate. Also, it looks like you're staring at Muo's breasts, which is impolite.

Apologize for that inappropriate display, and say she can give you a deserved slap for it, if she wishes. Then head to Zirkala and report your findings.
>>
No. 442798 ID: b85f8c

>>442771
I wish I could say I had planned this, but it is merely a hilarious accident.

NEXT STOP, LICH.
>>
No. 442813 ID: f09b71
File 134493083005.png - (105.33KB , 700x700 , 89.png )
442813

>"Oh, shoot, your sting marks have come back?"
"... yes. My sting marks. I apologize for the accident! I would deserve a slap, this time!"
>"No no, please don't worry about it. It isn't like I wear clothes to hide myself."
>"Not bashful at all!" I hear Tom talking to me somehow, perhaps telepathically? "You can stare all you like - hell, even feel them up!"
".... well then off to Lady Lich!"

I hardly call myself a bashful individual, but being caught off guard like that does induce some shame, especially coupled on.. I shall have to declare the chaos god to be a pervert! The dragon is still, and I can only imagine the drake's expression as I turn!
>>
No. 442819 ID: f09b71
File 134493102668.png - (106.61KB , 700x700 , 90.png )
442819

The trip is uneventful, and Muo and I are, as expected, allowed through the skeletal guards.

>"You're early, to make an understatement. Who is this? Aside from her... head being out there, I will say, she gives me a similar vibe to one of the drow. Explain."
"This is Muo, she is a follower of the chaos god."
>"A surprisingly satisfying explanation for being so succinct. I cannot say I am a fan of the gods, but I could have worse than chaos in here."

I proceed to tell Zirkala all that I know on this case, as she appears to prefer me telling my story than her reading my memories. No details are spared, even the embarrassing ones.
>>
No. 442820 ID: f09b71
File 134493104145.png - (68.60KB , 700x700 , 91.png )
442820

>"I suppose I shouldn't be insulted that I missed the illusion, for the drow that were illusions. Gods are not a concern of mine, but I am aware that the chaos god is very selective of followers, and doesn't spread his strength across too many like most other deitic entities. You have done your task. Hm... let's see... I will give much of the gold now. I planned on 4,000. However. This task did involve that little disease I put on you. I expect you to keep it on for the full week, whether or not you go charading around with Muo, here. If you complete that in full, then I will give another 1,000, the entire slave payment, to you. Is this fair?"
>>
No. 442822 ID: b85f8c

>>442820
Sure. Say that you expected her to leave the disease on and you will endeavor not to disappoint.
>>
No. 442823 ID: 6a1ec2

Think of Tom talking to you like there's a long passage just right next to you everywhere you go, just outside of your reach, within which he waits, whispering.

1000 gold for being unable to get on with the ladies? That sounds less than ideal! It was to protect you from the drow culture, which is now not a threat, so of course there should be no more concern! Unless the lady is perhaps feeling possessive of her little diamond in the rough?
>>
No. 442824 ID: 4a328b

YUP.
>>
No. 442830 ID: f7ae22

The gold is nice, but more importantly this will make the Lich trust Story Seeker more with crazy missions that take him to exotic ladies. A week of no bedding ladies now is an investment in a future of bedding the most exotic ladies.
>>
No. 442839 ID: b33427

Re-reading the deal, it sounds like if Story Seeker has sex at all during the week, he forfeits the entire payment. That's the 4000, plus the 1000. So the stakes are higher than a "mere" 1000. Even so, he should take the deal. 5000 gold is ample reason to keep your dick on proverbial ice for a week, and being in debt to Miss Drake is even more reason.

Man, you're going to need more gold hiding spots soon. Wouldn't want a lucky kobold to find your stash and hit the jackpot. Maybe look into where those who have lots of gold keep it safely. There banks or other organizations that rent out vault space you know of?

Now, should you tell Muo what this disease you have is? It would mean Tom will probably start coming up with creative ways to challenge your sexual resolve during the week. Only do so if you are sure in your willpower.
>>
No. 442843 ID: 061a93

>>442830
This is absolutely true. Good things come to those who wait, Story Seeker. You can bang Muo after the week is done.
>>
No. 442846 ID: b85f8c

>>442839
Uh? All she said was that she'll give an additional 1,000 to him if he retained the disease for the full week. A 1k bet for not having sex even without drow tempting him. A smaller carrot for a smaller obstacle.

DO NOT TELL MUO WHAT THE DISEASE IS. Tom will be merciless in his temptations, and you've already seen what he can do even with half an ounce of provocation. Try to imagine what he'd do if he knew he could draw it out for a full week of niggling.
>>
No. 442855 ID: b85f8c

>>442823
>possessive
Wait, SS should not imply they had sex or have a relationship or anything like that; that sabotages her status as a fearsome Lich and would likely provoke her wrath. I mean, what respectable Lich lays down with a common kobold? For that matter, it would raise uncomfortable questions.
>>
No. 442873 ID: d6c330

>I shall have to declare the chaos god to be a pervert!
It's pretty much true. Did you ever hear the story about Muo and the goblins and the elves? (Well, if you haven't, she'll tell you about it before the week is up). Or that Tom's got his own personal succubus consort?

>she prefers me telling my story than her reading my memories
Story Seeker, it would kind of defeat the purpose of your quest if you didn't tell stories. :p

>DO NOT TELL MUO WHAT THE DISEASE IS. Tom will be merciless in his temptations, and you've already seen what he can do even with half an ounce of provocation. Try to imagine what he'd do if he knew he could draw it out for a full week of niggling.
Oh gods, yes. As soon as possible, we need to find something to distract Tom with. Before he starts messing with you.

>Deal.
That's more than fair!

We'll need to stash it for now. If we give the 2k to Muo immediately, we miss out, and Tom will be bored and cause trouble.
>>
No. 442874 ID: 886a4d

From reading it, he eiher gets 4000 or 3000 now. If he doesn't have sex during that week of accompanying Muo on zany chaos work then we will get an additional 1000 gold. I think we can trust Muo to not run home before the week is up, and the other thousand we should give to the Drake. That acutally leaves us with the 400 odd gold to spend if its not 4000.
>>
No. 442879 ID: e3f578

You know, with the way the chaos god is, I'm sure if you didn't figure it out bedmanner would have been a subject. Probably with a surrogate though, I doubt the chaos god would force a follower into lovin' so it wouldn't have been with the smooth fine drow lady illusion Muo put on.

Goddamn shame you didn't get the full week of chaotic lessons, it would have been interesting to see what in the hell was in store for you should you have been unaware the entire time.

Maybe ask Tom and Muo about the intended lessons. Let's get cracking. You'll pay for her shuttle out of here in exchange for a lesson in proper manners, slaps are fine, they probably accelerate inventive thinking, just don't overdo it like they were earlier. A slap for every mistake is absurd.
>>
No. 442884 ID: f09b71
File 134495518410.png - (81.10KB , 700x700 , 92.png )
442884

I will most certainly avoid telling Muo, and by extension Tom, about this disease of mine! He has made it clear I would never hear the end of it, and even teased both me and his follower in such a manner even without that knowledge. I think that was his idea of teasing? Anyway, I will presume that Zirkala's test is still for me to show that I do have some self restraint after all!

"It is certainly fair, Lady Lich! I will keep myself to myself for the next week, if it is how you wish!"
>"Excellent. Now, there was a task that I was considering, but decided against until you came back early. You would have been a fine match for this in theory, but I figured it to be too dangerous. With Muo's help, however, your chances of survival are... satisfactory."
"As per usual, I am interested!
>"Good. I will remove your slave ring, first of all. Both the neckmark and the tracking ring, provided Tom does not mind. I am already overdue enough childish pranks from the Drake as is, and it will be a busy week. And Muo, do not worry. Outside of plain lessons in manners, I believe your deity will appreciate what will be a busy week."
>>
No. 442885 ID: f09b71
File 134495527112.png - (117.76KB , 700x700 , 3-1.png )
442885

>"Now, then. As you may or may not know, I have businesses and trades. There are imports and there are exports. Tomorrow, you will study with Muo. But the next day, I wish for your help on delivering one of my exports."
"And what, may I ask, is that?"
>"Terror."
>>
No. 442887 ID: fa9f7e

>>442885
I assume this means an illusion is to be put upon me? I am hardly the most intimidating being.
>>
No. 442891 ID: d6c330

>"Terror."
Oh, this sounds like it's going to be fantastically entertaining. Tom's bobbing up and down and spinning around already, I'm sure. Agree.
>>
No. 442927 ID: 61e7f9

"This sounds fun. What do I need to do?"
>>
No. 442942 ID: b9d767

>>442885
Terror? Oh, I think i'm going to like this...
>>
No. 443013 ID: f09b71
File 134497143387.png - (64.21KB , 700x700 , 3-2.png )
443013

"I'm listening, this sounds potentially good! I assume this means an illusion is to be put on me? I am hardly the most intimidating being."
>"Eventually, but that is a bridge a few rivers away. I require ghouls to be rooted out. More on that after I explain this. Muo, please step out of the room."
>"... okay."

Once she leaves, Zirkala continues.
>"Starting the day after tomorrow, an old little holiday quaintly called the Scythe Moon occurs. Lich uprising, yadda yadda, superstitious folk consider it a day of potential disaster. Don't care for it myself, but I may as well roll with it while everyone around is a textbook example of superstitious. That, and messing around in the outskirts of my lair, and fighting each other often enough to be a danger of kicking each other in the dirt, free for adventurer party pickings or something. Enough rambling. I am going to show them a common enemy so that they might treat each other with grudging respect while not doing enough damage to cripple them, at least not for long. Point is, almost a week of terror. So, let's start with who you hate the most. Lizards, Naga, Goblins, Kobolds, Slimes or Gnolls?"
>>
No. 443017 ID: d6c330

Well... I'm not sure I hate anyone! But those lizard guards were kind of mean to me before, I suppose we could start with them.

(Poor Muo is kind of getting pushed around a lot. You'll have to be nicer when you get the chance).
>>
No. 443018 ID: 61e7f9

>>443013
"Oooh, tough choice. What about liches and dragons?"
You are kidding, of course.
>>
No. 443019 ID: 886a4d

I don't think SS actually hates anyone. Perhaps the closest is the Lizards? And by Terror I hope she means more malicious pranks and such then outright murder.
>>
No. 443021 ID: fa9f7e

>>443013
Goblins, we've had a good time so far and the wheel of fate owes us a massively awkward event. Might as well make it predictable, and terrorizing your former lovers is good clean fun.
>>
No. 443022 ID: 886a4d

>>443021
From the way shes wording it I think she means to hit them all eventually. I say we go Lizards, Kobolds, Naga, Slimes, Goblins, Gnolls.
>>
No. 443031 ID: 53d7a2

Lizards, easily. Goblins know how to throw a party, we're a kobold, haven't met a gnoll or slime who wasn't a jerk. Haven't ever met a Naga except possibly our lichie friend here, but those lizards are just a bunch of violent jerks it seems.
>>
No. 443037 ID: d6c330

>haven't met a gnoll or slime who wasn't a jerk
Clunker and Muo: hey!

>Haven't ever met a Naga
Don't worry, I'm sure they'll be cool. I hear hugging is very important in their culture.
>>
No. 443109 ID: a3b384

>>443013
Can't really say we hate any of them, can't we spread the malice around? Although I guess lizards are the jerkiest of them.
>>
No. 443236 ID: 42c1c6

I'd say we go with the lizards. Bunch of douchebags.
>>
No. 443278 ID: b85f8c

Wasn't the Lich a lizard once? Try not to offend her.
>>
No. 443366 ID: 53d7a2

>>443037

haven't met one who was a jerk even. Whoops.
>>
No. 443369 ID: b33427

Well, the Lizard-man guard did try to choke you to death, and the rest were giving you the stink-eye everywhere you went, so them first. Kobold's second, mostly 'cause you know them the best, and some payback for the years of being rather mean to you would be nice.

>>443037
Oh, yes, Nagas'll give you the best hugs; Ones that'll that'll take your breath away.
>>
No. 443513 ID: f09b71
File 134506753065.png - (81.18KB , 700x700 , 3-3.png )
443513

"The lizards! While I may not outright hate anyone, they were all jerks!... present company excluded."
>"No, I was a jerk too. I once removed the bones of someone who looked at me in a way I felt rather offending. Anyway, good choice, except you're going back. I'm going to spread a plague there."
"... I was sort of hoping it would be more malicious pranks?"
>"I call this malicious, and a prank, so your hopes are granted. But let me worry about that. What you have to do is root out my ghouls. You see, terror can happen even without some death involved, but death does give it some kick. Some valid threat. So in several societies, I've made ghouls that are for all intents and purposes, living beings. Extremely hard to tell they're undead from even the most powerful of detectors. Anyway, they make themselves valued members of society, and then I "kill" them one to ten years later for this sort of thing. In this case, the plague won't be lethal, but it will appear that the ghouls died from it, to give the lizards the notion that they could have died. Remember Grunk?"
"Not Quite Legendary Great Warrior Grunk, yes...?"
>"Ghoul."
"This is... news."
>"Private news."
"Of course."
>"Moving along, I've lost contact with my ghouls. Just can't sense them anymore. I probably messed up the link magic, or didn't give it enough energy to last as long as I wanted. I don't know, but I need them back. Take these scrolls. Cast them on the ghouls. They won't even notice. If you cast it on someone living, they will notice, the scroll will be wasted, and I'll take it out of your pay."
"And, what do they look like?"
>"I don't remember. What I do know is that they have a small tattoo on their left hip. There are 3 of them, and they all arrived at the lizard town around the same time. That isn't unusual for groups of lizards to come at once, but it is something. They also likely know each other, and stick close as coworkers or something. Oh, and they've been there for about 5 or 6 years."
>>
No. 443515 ID: 886a4d

Ask if the Kobold ghouls arrived at the same time. It might be possible that if we identify them first we might have a better idea where the Lizard Ghouls are. Also you slept with alot of Golbins, since you can't remember much ask if the Lich saw any of her Ghouls in the Orgy

. . . . eerrrr

Welp that was a disturbing thought but you did sleep with the lich later so its not entirely a new one.
>>
No. 443516 ID: e3f578

>>443513
"So I have to charm the pants off of three men to figure out if they're ghouls? Well now that's a... challenge. Is it going to be their left or the left from my perspective?"
>>
No. 443517 ID: b85f8c

>>443513
Interesting. It sounds like our best bet is to spy on them while they're bathing. BE A PEEPING TOM.

Surely she at least knows the gender of the ghouls? I mean, it doesn't matter for this plan at all but it will help eliminate suspects.
>>
No. 443520 ID: f793db

>>443516
We do have Muo. It would ruin the point of having two people working on this if we only had one of them doing anything.
>>
No. 443524 ID: d6c330

...is it safe to assume the ghouls don't want to be found?
>>
No. 443533 ID: f09b71
File 134507157569.png - (70.96KB , 700x700 , 3-4.png )
443533

>May I assume that the ghouls don't want to be found?"
"I expect that to be the case, otherwise they likely would have come home by now. They have likely grown attached to their lizard homes. They're probably jerks too now."
"And this tattoo. Left or right side?"
>"Their left."
"And, may I ask what gender they are?"
>"Two females, one male."
"And! Did these kobold ghouls come at the same time?"
>"No, those I have sent one at a time."
"... so there is more than one."
>"And there always will be. Needless to say, I won't say who is a ghoul in the kobold village. Anyone could be, it could even be you."
"...uh..."
>"Of course you're not, you stick out like red ink. And yes, you are getting paid for this as well depending on how you do. As usual, you are being paid lavishly, I might add, depending on how efficiently you work and how much of my assistance and saving you need. If you have no more questions, then get to studying with Muo, and begin ghoul hunting tomorrow."
>>
No. 443536 ID: 886a4d

Bow to the Lady Lich, kiss her hand and lets be off! We have manners to learn and undead to unveil.
>>
No. 443539 ID: d6c330

Alright, off you go.

I don't think we need much of the Lich's help on this one. Surely we can use Muo to stir up enough chaos that the ghouls stand out. Disco ball of holy light over the lizard cave. Deprive the area of air for a little bit, and see who doesn't need to breathe. Free massage studio to look for tattoos. Something.
>>
No. 443568 ID: b6edd6

I think I can see where this is going. Dreams of undead sheep.
>>
No. 443575 ID: 886a4d

Just in case she forgot about you too... check your hips.
>>
No. 443577 ID: f09b71
File 134507729301.png - (146.66KB , 700x700 , 3-5.png )
443577

I give the lich a quick little bow and kiss on the hand, before leaving her be. Muo and I are given a cozy little room, albiet dusty, to study in as the lich has food delivered to us. Discreetly, I do check my hip just to be sure I am not some ghoul completely forgotten about!

Like most slimes, Muo is rather docile and a bit unmindful, but she is otherwise intelligent and does appears confident in her knowledge of proper manners. More practical manners at that without a dozen utensils! That, along with use of napkins, informing me it is impolite to blunt my claws at the table, and so forth.

She also tells me about the true story of the elves and what went on. I do question just how those elves... were, but I do know the struggles of telling tales that are met with nothing but skepticism, so I will give the benefit of the doubt! Tom, most likely thankfully, is largely silent during all of this.

We end the day with me getting Muo up to date on my - our - task, and Muo asks what she should do. Limitless possibilities, but only so many can be executed at once! She can perform such things as distracting lights over the lizard cave, mayyybe deplete air over the area, or try and set up a massage shop. Somehow.
>>
No. 443582 ID: 886a4d

Huh wonder if that skull is undead too... or just a decoration. Anyway this will be much easier AS lizardmen so ask Muo if she can change you both into such.

As for the actual plan the massage parlor sounds the easiest. Its gotta be stressful to be so grumpy all the time. Of course half the attraction of a massage parlour is the attractiveness of the masseures. So be sure to mention that to Muo for when being shapeshifted \ disguised \ illusioned or however its done.Just be sure to note that you are NOT on the menu. Not all will come of course so the next step would be to note where each live and find ways to check the rest.
>>
No. 443587 ID: d6c330

>>443568
>Do ghouls dream of undead sheep?
Story Runner.

Also, if she makes self-aware undead, there's the possibility of a safety net if we screw up enough and get SS killed!

How about a massive semi-transparent smoke bomb? Ghouls don't need to breathe, so they won't cough.
>>
No. 443602 ID: b85f8c

>>443587
They're supposed to be VERY difficult to detect as undead, which means they likely behave as if alive at all times. Requiring food and water and breathing are signs of life.

Personally I think this will be a game of research. Get to know everyone in the lizard camp. Be social. Get a list of likely subjects, then somehow get their pants off.
>>
No. 443669 ID: f09b71
File 134508744901.png - (69.61KB , 700x700 , 3-6.png )
443669

>Massage parlor
Yes, this sounds... well, I'm sure the details will sort themselves out! Such as if I am to be male or female. I would lean on male, on sheer account of the fact that 2 of 3 ghouls are allegedly female themselves! This is presuming that they are not lesbians. Or that their girls even care about whether or not it is a woman or man masseuse.

I will, regardless, have to become chummy with them, and I do hope they are polite to others of their own kind.

For now, Muo and I head to our respective beds. For being an immortal skeletal being, Zirkala does have comfy beds.
>>
No. 443670 ID: f09b71
File 134508748127.png - (106.15KB , 700x700 , 3-7.png )
443670

The morning comes all too soon, at least I think it is morning.

And I am wet, although far from uncomfortable, yet left wondering if this is going to be a problem in the now or future.
>>
No. 443672 ID: 886a4d

As long as she simply is a cuddler everything going to be just fine. If she does eventually want sex tell her your saving yourself for the Lich and \ or dragon... At least for this week its entirely true. The lich anyway.

Wake her up and lets get this morning started. Get your shapeshift on, gather supplies and maybe a cart that a massuagist would have and lets go to the Lizard Village.
>>
No. 443678 ID: d6c330

Wake her up, gently. It might be a good idea to check if she actually wanted to be here, or if this is the result of sleepwalking. She's prone to that, and Tom's a prankster.

If she is interested in you, just roll with it. You probably want to raise the awkward point that you're trying to prove to the lich you can go a week without any naughty business, and earning her trust is important to you. Yeah, Tom will do his darndest to mess it up, but Muo should understand. Whereas if you try to hide the reason you're putting her off, it'll just hurt her.

>Male or female masseuse.
There are two of you, problem solved. And Muo can shapeshift, and polymorph things if necessary.
>>
No. 443683 ID: b85f8c

>>443670
Well, be polite while getting up. Let her sleep if you feel you should.
>>
No. 443687 ID: 42c1c6

wait wait, don't ghouls eat dead flesh? Shouldn't this be an incredibly easy task for this reason?

I mean, corpses aren't easy to find in a small settlement. There's only so many dead things, so find their food and you've found them.

Oh, and don't sweat Muo being grabby. You are the suave story keeper, you shouldn't have any trouble keeping it in your loincloth around a slime girl.
>>
No. 443700 ID: b33427

Nuge Muo gently to wake her up, and politely ask if she's usually clingy in her sleep; You have no problem with it, you're just curious.

Now, let's figure out how to best use this massage parlor angle. How about instead of rolling into town under the guise of setting up a permanent massage parlor, SS and Muo do a traveling one instead. A traveling business that not only does massages, but sells oils, balms, ointments, herbs, and lotions in the vein of beauty enhancing, stress reducing, and similar. They'd need a one-person handcart, a large attached tent that would assembled attached to the cart, at least one padded massage table, and various bottles of said medicinals and potions. Tom could probably conjure up the whole thing, with a mix of illusions and straight up creation of things, but getting a real handcart to use as the core would make it easier.

The selling of ointments and such would also give the opportunity to create ones with magical effects that would help in finding the lich's ghouls. Say, for instance, the oil used in the massages is enchanted with a wide area of effect targeted illusion that makes it appear, to the one wearing an amulet keyed to it, as if the clothing of the effected, and all those around him or her, has vanished. That'd be very helpful, though with Tom involved he'd probably want it to make those effected appear to be naked to everyone not effected, so put that effect in on a time delay for one week later. That'll sow some chaos around there.
>>
No. 443708 ID: 6e44d2

Story Seeker, do your eyes emit light?
>>
No. 443710 ID: 886a4d

Pretty sure thats his dark vision.
>>
No. 443715 ID: b85f8c

>>443687
I believe in this case "ghoul" is just a fancy term for "stealth undead".
>>
No. 443807 ID: f09b71
File 134511507530.png - (127.63KB , 700x700 , 3-8.png )
443807

I give a little nudge, and Muo promptly flings herself off, an action I was hoping to avoid yet half expected!

>"Ahh! I'm sorry!"
"Quite alright, I take it you weren't intending on sleeping with me? While I do not mind, I was curious!"
>"Yes! I mean, no, I wasn't intending on that! I have problems with sleepwalking. And I just.. well, slimes tend to go to warm areas, and it's very cold around here except for you, so I guess I just drifted straight here."
"Don't give it a slight worry! Since you're here, I was thinking of forming a pair - us, that is - of masseuses. Masseuse? Anyway, that way we will be able to view hips of various sorts."
>"That... is actually a very good idea!"
"Why thank you. First, however, I should get breakfast!"
>>
No. 443808 ID: f09b71
File 134511508476.png - (86.44KB , 700x480 , 3-9.png )
443808

The lich, as usual, has breakfast by probable means of magic in another cozy little room. We share our greetings as she feeds us.

>"Thank you for the meal, miss. I hope I'm not imposing." Muo says.
>"No. You are welcome here, so long as you are aiding Story Seeker, and your god does not trifle negatively towards my goals. Which I do not have much hope of that lasting all week, I am half surprised that gravity was on this morning, a luxury that was robbed of me the last time I involved myself with a chaos mage. For the record, this was before Tom took over."
>"Oh, don't worry, I'll let myself out if Tom hurts anything here, which I can't promise he won't."
>"At least he does not lash out like a tantruming child at the loosest sign of offense. To business. I am thinking. While this project is not a critically important deal to me, I am still wishing for this whole scare deal to go down without a hitch, and it was embarrasingly careless of me to tell you that your pay would be deducted based on how much help you require, thus incentivizing you to maximize risk reward, when in fact I am not keen on upping the risk at all even at a higher expense. Therefore, I am cancelling this, and will only deduct payment based on partial or complete failure. Or dying. And let me tell you, resurrection is not a cheap deal. So, do tell me if there is anything you need."
"Since you ask, I am in need of certain carts and travel materials a masseuse would have! Ointments and the like as well."
>"That is a surprisingly clever idea. Yes, I can arrange for what you need with no delay. I just have one question."
"Of course!"
>"Do you have the slightest concept of how to properly massage anyone but yourself?"

I must admit that aside from a small bit of experience that I should not share, this is not quite boding well to play the part of a competent masseuse!
>>
No. 443809 ID: 886a4d

Ask if Muo has any experiance or any way we can fool the customers into believing they had a genuinely good massage. If she does have experiance massaging people we can play young incompetent apprentice. If she isn't able to do either competent or with magic we might have to ask the Lich to supply someone... and take the hit to our pay. Or come up with another plan.
>>
No. 443810 ID: 656f39

Get some sleep powder or potion. No one will complain about a massage they can not remember if they have a nice relaxing nap on your massage chair.
>>
No. 443816 ID: d6c330

>before Tom took over
...wait, she has memories from before reality was rebooted?

Oh wait, no, I see. She was in the real world the whole time, and had a run in with the old chaos god before he went to sleep.

>resurrection is not a cheap deal
Hey, at least it's a deal at all! That's not a safety net many people have access to. Still, let's avoid dying if at all possible.

>experience
Noooooo. I was kind of hoping that was the part we could use some chaos to distract from or gloss over.
>>
No. 443827 ID: e3f578

>>443808
"Do lizard men even know what a competent masseuse would feel like in comparison to an amateur one? Usually I just try for a few strong beats on the back, seeing what the lady likes, maybe push down a little hard to gently crack the spine a little. Shoulder massages aren't that hard either. Move the head gently until the neck cracks. Blah blah blah. I don't really think many people around have ever even experienced a professional massage. Though I suppose I could just hire one if someone IS nearby, just bribe him to set up shop near the lizardmen today, give him some incentive to make it a little cheaper to attract more customers, and I can pose as their assistant or apprentice... or the towel guy."
>>
No. 443855 ID: 0c2247

>>443808
Snake oil salesman tactics.

Muo disguises herself as an attractive lizard with skin that has whatever trait they consider ideal.
She claims that she has a new oil that causes that trait - the lich can provide that.
Obviously, the first massage is free.

If your theater is good enough people will believe dog food came from a five star chef. This should be easy.
>>
No. 443893 ID: b85f8c

>>443808
Well, while we're here let's ask if the ghouls need to breathe. I would assume they do, but better to confirm that they have all their bodily functions just like the living.
>>
No. 443915 ID: 0c2247

>>443893
Speaking of bodily functions, ask if they can have kids. That would really help narrow things down.
>>
No. 443947 ID: cca2c4

Tell her you're flattered she would go to the lengths of ressurrecting you should you somehow die.
I guess she's taken a liking to you, huh.
>>
No. 443991 ID: f09b71
File 134516289564.png - (70.28KB , 700x700 , 3-10.png )
443991

>Do your eyes glow?
So long as I have recently been in lit areas, yes!

"Noooooooo. Wait a moment, are lizardmen even the sort of people who could tell the difference between an amateur and professional massage?"
>"Point. Perhaps what I remember of life was skewed. Nevertheless, it can make the difference between a satisfied customer going away without toppling your cart over and a pleased customer who feels a need to spread some word of mouth to what could be a ghoul."
"Well, perhaps I could still pose as the assistant! Wait, Muo, can you do a massage well?"
>"Yes, I think so. I'll try to keep my hands as hands." Muo answers.

"I am quite flattered, Zirkala, that you would even consider resurrection on me!"
>"Consider it placing you in debt if I get the chance."
"Then, another question! Do ghouls need to breathe?"
>"Yes. Like I say, they are effectively alive as far as all mundane and almost all magic is concerned."
"Well then, I suppose I will be off now with Muo to get started on all of this! Muo, make your lizard skin have.. whatever lizard people like in their skin, we'll sell some ointment with claims of doing that! I hope, Zirkala, this is acceptable?!"
>"Yes, I will include that in the cart. Muo, show us what you can change yourself and Story Seeker into. Story, kindly remove your articles of clothing so that you do not rip through them. I will give you a bedsheet, but stop by your village to get your magic armor."
"Certainly, but my magic armor is fitted to my kobold frame, correct?"
>"No. It'll fit fine. It's magic."
>>
No. 443992 ID: f09b71
File 134516290979.png - (115.90KB , 700x700 , 3-11.png )
443992

>"Is this acceptable?" asks Muo.
>>
No. 443993 ID: 886a4d

*sigh* Yes its fine.
>>
No. 443995 ID: d6c330

>Consider it placing you in debt if I get the chance.
Pff. We already work for her, and you've let yourself be sold into slavery. How much worse could...

Oh gods. Don't let her hear any of that. Or Tom. It won't end well.

>"Is this acceptable?"
Test out what a grin looks like on that new mug of yours.

Yes, we're suitably lizard-ly, I think! Surprisingly practical, actually, for chaos magic.
>>
No. 443998 ID: b85f8c

>>443992
Looks good. Check your tail.
>>
No. 444001 ID: c31f72

I'm pretty sure we're the lady lizard.
>>
No. 444002 ID: b85f8c

>>443991
Wait a sec.
>and a pleased customer who feels a need to spread some word of mouth to what could be a ghoul.
I thought the lizards weren't supposed to know that we're rooting out the ghouls, because they need to 'die' during the plague to create fear.
>>
No. 444004 ID: d6c330

>>444001
There's the chaos I'd expect.

>>444002
The lizards don't know about the ghouls. But we're going to get all or most of village through the massage parlor to check for ghoul-tattoos. And if the first few customers spread bad world of mouth, people will stop coming in, including the ghouls.

The phoney plague won't happen till after we've tagged the ghouls for remote shutdown.
>>
No. 444006 ID: b85f8c

>>444004
Oh, I get it. I was interpreting the 'to' incorrectly.
>>
No. 444053 ID: a3b384

If we are the female that would probably be to our advantage, as Muo would likely be better at it and being a babe means the men will be less picky about our performance. Of course the guys will be hitting on us, but we are to be avoiding such things anyway!
>>
No. 444066 ID: ea36ec

>>443992
At some point before you leave on this escapade, you need to be an honest 'bold and repay Miss Drake what you owe. Once you succeed at your mission there should still be enough gold to help Muo get home, and maybe a little for yourself!
>>
No. 444071 ID: a3b384

Wait wait, what about our gnoll bro? I'm sure he'll come along. Is he going to be a problem around the lizardfolk? Does he need a disguise? Or is him as our bodyguard a good enough reason for them not to make an issue of it?
>>
No. 444157 ID: f09b71
File 134519079136.png - (70.92KB , 700x700 , 3-12.png )
444157

>Test a grin
Good idea, got to make... oh. This explains why I feel top heavy.

>"Uh.... shoot."
"No matter! At least this way, no matter how incompetent I show myself to be as an apprentice, it will end up perfectly alright!"
>"Well... okay!"
"But first, I think I will pay a visit to miss Dragon to pay back a small loan!"
>>
No. 444158 ID: f09b71
File 134519080887.png - (76.49KB , 800x600 , 3-13.png )
444158

Shortly thereafter, nearing the dra(ke/gon)'s lair!

>"What petty lizards trudge their mudd- wait, no. I need not address them. Gnoll!"
>"Onnit, boss. 'Ey, scalies! Yer all wanderin' way outta yer usual hole in the ground! Better start givin' some explanation."

Still taller than me.
>>
No. 444160 ID: b85f8c

>>444158
Say that you're here to pay back a loan. The Dragon should know what you mean by that.
>>
No. 444161 ID: c7dc56

"Hows the work Clunker. It's me the kobold, and I'M HERE TO REPAY A DEBT I OWE TO THE GREAT DAGON."
>>
No. 444173 ID: c6ec33

>>444158
Let's try to keep the illusion going a little longer. Worst case scenario, she sees right through it, and we all have a good laugh.

"We're here on the behalf of the kobold known as Story Seeker to repay a debt to the great dragon."
>>
No. 444184 ID: 53d7a2

Getting started with the cover story could help too: "We've just opened a new massage parlor and we're trying to get word out. Everyone knows how stressful our friendly neighborhood dragon can get, so we're here to offer her a freebie."

And then if that fails, you can offer him one too. Might as well get the practice in, right?
>>
No. 444194 ID: 886a4d

>>444184
This, then hand the bag containing 1000 gold to Miss Drake. Compliments of someone you both know.
>>
No. 444214 ID: d6c330

We're here to repay a debt, as promised. The dragon knows who it's from.
>>
No. 444234 ID: e3f578

>>444158
"How are the fish treating ya Clunkie my boy? How do you like my new look?"
>>
No. 444365 ID: f09b71
File 134525712376.png - (78.29KB , 700x700 , 3-14.png )
444365

"My mentor and I have just opened a new massage parlor, and we are trying to get the word out! So, I am here to repay a certain loan that I am certain you are aware of, noble Dragon, of one thousand gold pieces, along with a free first massage if that is an offer that is accepted!"

>"Ye, yer talkin' to me. I know of that debt, consider it cleared. An' sure, I'll take that massage, long as it's from you. Ain't wantin' some dude gettin' cozy on my back. But ya know th'kobold, eh? Ya sure do talk a lot like 'im. Where is th' lil' bugger?"
>>
No. 444366 ID: 886a4d

Tell him hes closer then you'd think. He just can't show his face at the moment. Lich and Chaos God problems. Long story. Ask him about it when its over.
>>
No. 444369 ID: a3b384

"Closer than you'd think." And then smile. SMIIILE~
>>
No. 444371 ID: d6c330

>>444369
This. So much this.

Clunker's proved smarter than we'd expect several times already. Let's see if we can turn that against him. XD
>>
No. 444390 ID: f09b71
File 134526054332.gif - (99.87KB , 700x700 , 3-15.gif )
444390

"Closer than you think!

>"..."

>Animated
>>
No. 444391 ID: f09b71
File 134526055875.png - (57.15KB , 700x700 , 3-16.png )
444391

>"Ye ya know what I think I'm gonna pass up that massage, no offense ya weirdo, but I ain't feelin' too comfortable 'bout that anymore. Okay well let's jus' say here that since yer payin off th'.. kobold's debt, ya get to have my bodyguard services, if yer followin' my drift here. Ya wan' me to come along with whatever thing yer tryin' to pull, or stick around 'ere?"
>>
No. 444393 ID: 886a4d

We`ll be fine. Thanks for the offer Clunker. Later Miss Dragon. Enjoy your gold!
>>
No. 444394 ID: b85f8c

>>444391
Well, ask him how likely it is for us to get robbed during the operation. I'm not expecting much trouble to be honest.
>>
No. 444395 ID: f793db

Just have him stay here.
>>
No. 444396 ID: 53d7a2

We already have a big tough burly macho lizard dude with us, so nobody should try anything. Any more than that and you're going to scare away the customers!
>>
No. 444419 ID: a3b384

"We're headed to see the rest of the lizardfolk, it might complicate things bringing you along. Unless maybe we can afford you a cover... what do you think partner, can you extend our benefit to him as well?"
>>
No. 444441 ID: d6c330

Hey wait. A gnoll, a kobold, and a slime girl, all on a chaos mission. Ha! We ended up with a party of all three after all, Tom!

Sorry about that, Clunker. Chaos magic and all that, you ask for a disguise, and, well, this is what you get. Can't complain, could always be worse.

I'd say there's nothing wrong with having a bouncer if he wants to come along. We can even disguise him too, if we need to. ...although he'd be pretty reluctant at this point, I think.
>>
No. 444486 ID: f09b71
File 134527602798.png - (139.86KB , 700x700 , 3-17.png )
444486

"I don't think that will be necessary, perhaps you should continue standing guard here!"
>"Yeh kay, I ain't goin' nowhere then. Ya should be too, before I start either judgin' ya or hittin' on ya. Hot is hot. Get outta here, ya weirdo scamp."
>>
No. 444488 ID: f09b71
File 134527612175.png - (148.17KB , 700x700 , 3-18.png )
444488

We take the walk to the lizard territory. It is nice to be able to walk through the commons without getting harassed. We decide to forego getting my magic armor, as we are masseuse, not warbands! Besides, we would make a scene going through the kobold town. Besides, togas made out of bedsheets are fashionable these days.

"So how does it feel switching genders?"
>"This isn't... my first time."
"Dumb question, in hindsight."
>>
No. 444489 ID: f09b71
File 134527615047.png - (113.01KB , 700x700 , 3-19.png )
444489

The same guard that troubled me before is on the walkway. I expect that things may not go smoothly.
>>
No. 444490 ID: f09b71
File 134527617834.png - (138.23KB , 700x700 , 3-20.png )
444490

>"Hey, welcome! I haven't seen you two before. What tribe do you come from?"

Suddenly he sounds full of friendliness and cordiality.
>>
No. 444493 ID: 061a93

>>444490
That is because he wants to bang you. Give him a little wave and tell him you have a massage parlor to run, no time to chat.
>>
No. 444502 ID: 53d7a2

>>444493

What? No brushing people off on this trip! First off, regardless of circumstances, as a bard it is your Sacred Duty to match any flirtatiousness in kind!

More importantly, we need to convince as many people to come for massages until we find these ghouls. This guy could be one, and even if he isn't he talks to everyone entering or leaving town. So... this is an important person to have liking us. I'd suggest something like...

"We're from the Longtail tribe, from the far side of the mountains. Business was slow back there though, so we figured we'd move over this way. Stop down some time if you'd like me to give you a rubdown!"

For bonus points, slap some extra innuendo on the word rubdown.
>>
No. 444503 ID: 6a5a08

Quick, roll Bardic Knowledge for tribe names.
>>
No. 444510 ID: 6a1ec2

>>444502

Your business is just going to be one letdown after another isn't it.

"I'm here for my rubdown! Wait..."
"Lay down and I will service you."
"..."
"MMmmmOoooohbodymassage machine..."
>>
No. 444550 ID: f09b71
File 134529557773.png - (135.98KB , 700x700 , 3-21.png )
444550

>It's because he wants to bang you
Excuse me but it must be because they are kind and welcoming to their own kind, I'm sure it isn't just because I've got the squishies!

"We are from the Longtail tribe, across the far side of the mountains! Business was slow, so we hoped to move over this way for our massage shop."

I suppose the next part is mandatory.

"Stop down sometime if you'd like me to give you a rubdown!"
>"They're clear, open the gates!"

Perhaps it is my experience with the goblin area that has led to my discomforting ease at this sort of thing.
>"You're pretty good at the whole charm thing!" Muo says.
"Th...thanks. Maybe I should have brought Clunker along to give them the stinkeye if they give me the eyes."
>>
No. 444551 ID: f09b71
File 134529559294.png - (153.57KB , 700x700 , 3-22.png )
444551

In fact, the guard abandons his post to help set up our tent in the market place. I would have been afraid that we would have a lot of competition, but nearly everywhere else isn't particularly luxurious. In no time at all, we have our place set up with a nice little sign up front, that the lich apparently needed no time to make!

Additionally, everyone around is quite cordial to Muo and Myself, almost a complete 180 from my previous experience.

Okay, okay, maybe the guys have treated me a smidgen nicer than the girls. Actually, I am treated nicer than Muo, who seems to get glances of disdain now and then, from males and females alike. I could not say why, perhaps it is some nuance of their culture that I am lacking!
>>
No. 444552 ID: f09b71
File 134529563455.png - (96.40KB , 700x700 , 3-23.png )
444552

I snap out of my thoughts as the guard looks my way, after setting up the table. He just kind of looks at me in that expectant kind of look, no doubt wanting that massage I so readily offered.
>>
No. 444553 ID: bbee3d

You might as well get started! He can be the first one you examine.
>>
No. 444578 ID: d6c330

>discomforting ease
Don't worry, dude. Charming the pants off of everyone you meet is what you do. All that's changed is your audience.

>Muo, who seems to get glances of disdain now and then
Hmm. That's not good if she's supposed to be the one pretending to be in charge in this scam. Cultural thing... maybe it's the lack of ornamentation? All the other lizard males we've seen wear a collar, or jewelry in their head-frills. If they signify achievements, or coming of age or something, she might not look good naked of them.

>massage
Welp, you're up. Hopefully you know what you're doing.

...I suggest you might want to keep talking. If your skills aren't up to par, you can distract him with more flirting.
>>
No. 444586 ID: 53d7a2

Yeah, you should definitely offer a free massage for helping you out, and make some smalltalk. You didn't really get a chance to see how things generally work around here last time what with all the running for your life, and learning who's who and what's in will help attract more customers faster and minimize how long you're going to be living here like this.

Also, make sure you stress the face down part of the massage deal. Granted, this time out you've been shapeshifted by divine chaos magic that's so powerful even your lich friend apparently couldn't undo it if she wanted (you sure do leap into some crazy stuff head-first these days), so you probably won't suddenly lose your disguise if he gets all handsy like what sort of happened with the goblins, but in the interest of self-preservation and not having to yell at your primary advertising vector, you want to keep him in that state where he knows you aren't going to sleep with him here and now, but suspecting the possibility is still on the table at some future point.

Keeping Muo in sight the whole time is probably the best way to do this without stressing yourself out too much.
>>
No. 444588 ID: 886a4d

Muo definately should be present, though try and keep unobtrusive. She should treat this as her students first major rubdown. She should also tell us now what major areas to concentrate on. We should also bring in the oil. If the guy gets to frisky Muo should either show some strength or use chaos magic to put him to sleep... with some good dreams.
>>
No. 444623 ID: b85f8c

You're supposed to be the apprentice. Ask Muo if we're ready to start, and explain to the guard that you're still learning. A tip: Use the flats of your hands, not fingertips.

Muo is probably getting disapproval because she doesn't have any fangs and is working in a noncombat job so she's not likely to ever get any fighting done. It's like being a kobold with no broken horns and never tries to get one.
>>
No. 444700 ID: a3b384

Well as long as you have his attention... explain that you are an apprentice but will try your best. Then when you have him laying down, talk about how you two have been traveling and been around other races or alone most of the time. Then you can ask why your partner is getting strange looks from people.
>>
No. 444864 ID: f09b71
File 134533294091.png - (129.76KB , 700x700 , 3-24.png )
444864

>"Muo! Muo, help show me the ropes! I am an apprentice, you see."
>"Cool." The guard says. "Wait. His name is Muo?"
"Errrerrr yes! Mu-Oh. Nevermind that, get face down, relax and let's get started!"

Muo, of whom I should have thought of a name for 'him' and myself, helps me out with some basic stuff. As expected, the guard wouldn't know the difference between a professional and a basic massage. In any case, I am becoming far more familiarized with a burly backside than I ever imagined I would or should be.

>Smalltalk
"Thank you again for helping us set up. We've travelled far, and often around other races or alone, and we may be rather ignorant of this tribe!"
>"Makes sense. Never even heard of the longtail tribe. Most of us here are laborers and workers, unlike you two. You, for instance, have the body of a princess and the grace and spotless hands to match."
"Why thank you. And I couldn't help but notice that my mentor has been getting odd looks!"
>"Unlike you, he has the body of a warrior. But like you, he has the outward appearance and skin of a princess as well. It is not right. Not even a single trophy of battle?"

They can always be relied on to be so blunt.
>>
No. 444870 ID: b85f8c

>>444864
Ask Muo if (he) wants to show off any of (his) trophies that (he) has stored in the cart because they are too big to wear on (his) person. I'm sure the chaos god can conjure up something, if (he) doesn't have something from a REAL adventure. As for (his) skin, well, that's due to the massage oils of course!

Your name can be Arkali. Allow Muo to supply (his) own name.
>>
No. 444871 ID: 7c515d

Would the "Bad heart" excuse work?
>>
No. 444875 ID: 4d21ee

>>444870
Yep
>>
No. 444878 ID: d6c330

>Wait. His name is Muo?
Sure, it ends in an o! That makes it masculine.

>Not even a single trophy of battle?
Hmm. It was the ornamentation. Too late now, it'll seem suspicious if get some now.

...would you really expect people to trust the hands of a proven warrior on their unprotected backs?
>>
No. 444889 ID: 53d7a2

This clearly calls for an elaborate backstory! Let's see...

"Mu-Oh" here was actually abducted and enslaved as a small child by a group of drow. This is how he picked up his massaging skills, and generally ended up so soft. He was liberated when a group of your warriors raided their village, and you've been attempting to resocialize him as you study under him, but the fact that he still doesn't fit in is a big factor in why you left.
>>
No. 444913 ID: b33427

>>444889
How about adding that he was raised to be a slave in the harem of a drow lady that enjoyed the "exotic." That's where he picked up massage skills. He's buff looking 'cause the drow liked strong guys, and put him on a exercise regime from a young age, which he never stopped doing, even after getting away.

After the raid, your tribe didn't know what to do with him. He didn't know how to fight at all, and he didn't have any skills your kin thought useful. He was going to end up doing menial labor, but you seized on the idea of making a traveling business based on his skills. You were planning to travel anyway, and this was the opportunity to do so, so you took it, and now you're here.
>>
No. 444917 ID: 886a4d

>>444889
>>444913
As much as I'd like to protest that this will get us caught.... it'd be like SS to come up with something like this. And it ties in nicely with the Drow who recently vanished from the caverns.
>>
No. 444919 ID: f7ae22

>>444864
Tell him that you have special massage oils to make skin like a princess's and also to help muscle growth. Muo has merely been testing out the effects.
>>
No. 444933 ID: f09b71
File 134533770416.png - (87.64KB , 700x700 , 3-25.png )
444933

"By the way, my name is Arkati. Mu-Oh here was enslaved to be in the harem of a drow lady that enjoyed the exotic. That's where he got his massage skills, and ended up soft. Still, the drow enjoyed their strong guys, so they made sure he grew up big! After the raid, our tribe wasn't sure what to do with him. Barely knew how to fight! But then I got the idea to make a travelling business based on his skills, and have followed as both a manager, but also an apprentice. We've also sold our secret little ointment that makes skin like a princess, and helps muscle growth. Muo is proof of its effects!"
>"Uh.. yeah. I kind of know how to fight, too." says Mu-Oh.
"Oh, really? Care to show one of your battle trophies then? I'm sure it's stuck somewhere in the cart."

Muo rummages around underneath the cart, no doubt summoning a deadly looking souvenir.
And Muo pulls out the tiniest dagger I've ever seen. The guard roars a laugh.

>"Hahaha! What insidious monster did you get in a tangle with? A midget gnome's armed with a sewing set?"
>"I just haven't gotten in many fights, but I'm very strong!"
>>
No. 444934 ID: f09b71
File 134533771550.png - (110.69KB , 700x700 , 3-26.png )
444934

After putting on some ointments that... well, honestly, I have no idea what they do. I just sort of grabbed them at random! Regardless, the guard unexpectedly rolls around without any word and puts on a pose I will not soon enough forget.

>"Well then, you want to see your soft buddy out of the tent, and I'll show you how a real fighter massages?

It is all I can do to not look like I have just bitten into a whole lemon.
>>
No. 444940 ID: 886a4d

I think Tom just played you Muo.

Anyway we're not here to have sex as educational as I'm sure you'd find it. Tell him your sorry you gave the wrong impression but that paticular activity is not on the menu. Maybe once you and your master have worked enough you'll consider it.
>>
No. 444941 ID: 4d21ee

>>444938
"Especially not for one as under-endowed as you."

Does he have a hemipenes?
>>
No. 444943 ID: a3b384

"Hmm... maybe. But only later. See me a week from now. But only if you get the word out and bring in as much business as possible. We want to get everyone to experience our wares, we can set up a permanent place here with regular business. The ointment doesn't do the really good stuff without extended use anyway."

Oh and the hip, did you check his hip?
>>
No. 444944 ID: 99090a

Chuckle and say something to the effect of "Oh baby, you could never afford me."
>>
No. 444946 ID: d6c330

Oh gods. We should have brought Clunker. You need a bouncer, you're just too irresistible, SS.

...now, normally, I'd probably suggest you man up and roll with it, but you're still on a no sex conduct and trying to prove yourself to the lich. So that's no go.

Best idea I've got is for Muo to stand up for you. She's not letting someone take advantage of her apprentice that fast. If he makes trouble, she can smack him down and earn a trophy.
>>
No. 444948 ID: b85f8c

Tell him that you're still an apprentice so you aren't qualified for that kind of thing. If he likes, Muo can serve him in private.
>>
No. 444951 ID: 061a93

>>444934
Look Story Seeker, there's only one way you're gonna get the word out about this massage parlor.

You have to jerk off the lizard. You have to. You jerk off that lizard. You jerk off that lizard this instant.
>>
No. 444953 ID: 53d7a2

>>444943

Now it gets tricky. On the one hand, leading him on and making him think he has a shot is good for The Plan, and... yeah, you kinda need to get a look at his hips before he leaves, which... he's giving you the opportunity for.

On the other hand, there are limits.

If you're feeling quite Brave, you can possibly manage some I touch you, you don't touch me thing. The safer option is to "go along with it" but play the over-eager foreigner card and try to scare him away by pulling out some threatening looking accessories or something.
>>
No. 444955 ID: b85f8c

>>444953
The danger of pulling out 'accessories' is that sooner or later one of our customers is going to be into it.
>>
No. 444959 ID: 9216d5

>>444948
Best suggestion.
>>
No. 444964 ID: f7ae22

Whether or not you insist on jerking off that lizard you need to make it clear that only you do the touching. And make sure you stare intently at his hips to check for ghoul status.
>>
No. 445020 ID: eba9b6

man up and handle that lizard dick.
>>
No. 445059 ID: f09b71
File 134534848437.png - (85.42KB , 700x700 , 3-27.png )
445059

>Check his hips
He is clear. Ghoul status: 0/3!

>Does he have a hemipene
I dare not familiarize myself with such details, and expertly weave my attention everywhere but!

I suppose it would be the noble bard thing to do to take one for the team and do my duty! It is a good thing that I am playing pretend masseuse, and have a good excuse to not act the noble bard.
"Only I do the touching around here, hun. Besides, as an apprentice, I am far from qualified from that sort of thing! If you like, Mu-Oh can service yo-"

Uh oh he's grabbing my uncouthables!

"I'm gonna insist!"

>Jerk him off
>Him off jerk
>He's a jerkoff!
I agree!
>>
No. 445060 ID: f09b71
File 134534850368.png - (104.73KB , 700x700 , 3-28.png )
445060

>"Uh, scuse me, but I'll have to ask you to stop."
"Ha, you going to stop me, man princess? Hell, I won't stop you from joining in!"
>>
No. 445062 ID: f09b71
File 134534851906.png - (169.81KB , 700x700 , 3-29.png )
445062

>Muo: Stand up for Story Seeker
Oh, Muo is pretty strong!
>>
No. 445063 ID: a3b384

Hoookay... this could be bad. But maybe good! Let's make a show of it! Lizardfolk will respect Mu-Oh a bit more after this, and we can plug the ointment too.
>>
No. 445066 ID: 886a4d

She must have rolled REALLY high on shapeshifting for herself.

Thank your master, kiss him on the cheek and say really loudly those oils really do work wonders for strength. Try to look smug, like you picked the best mate.
>>
No. 445069 ID: a3b384

Oh wait I get it, the reason Mu-Oh is buff but not battle marked and bad with swords is because he is a wrestler.
>>
No. 445085 ID: 53d7a2

>>445066

You pretty much have to do this... although I would add a saucy wink and a "Maybe next time!" to keep him from feeling bitter over the whole thing. Slightly riskier for you, but otherwise you'll have a fight coming in the future or no business.
>>
No. 445091 ID: d6c330

Okay, we can spin this! Something like that is going to draw attention. People will be interested. You can still spin your legitimate business, and get people through the door. You just have to be a smooth talker and good salesman. Luckily you're good at that!

Then normal, quote and italics -less massages can be given, and tattoos spied for.
>>
No. 445099 ID: f09b71
File 134535248044.png - (95.31KB , 700x700 , 3-30.png )
445099

>Make a show of it
"I told you, those oils do work! And I just remembered, he's a wrestler, that's why he isn't scarred. He doesn't fight with swords!"
>".... ha, fine, not bad, foreigners!" the guard says.

He can be pretty easygoing for a jerkoff.
>>
No. 445102 ID: f09b71
File 134535254642.png - (113.33KB , 700x700 , 3-31.png )
445102

That event apparently was the word of mouth needed, to throw someone out of the tent! I will not understand lizard economics, but I won't complain. Soon enough, we get a steady stream of customers, especially when word gets out that the first massage is free!

A couple exhausting hours later involve many people, some of which Muo has to toss out as well. Eventually, I find a tattoo on a hip!
>>
No. 445107 ID: 4a328b

CAST THE THING
>>
No. 445108 ID: d6c330

Don't scroll 'em yet!

Make a note of who this is, memorize their face when they get up to leave, or pay you. We can follow them and use the scroll later. We may also need him or her to lead us to the other ghouls if they don't show up for tattoos.

Also, if we get him or her now, he or she might warn the other ghouls we're looking. That would be problematic.
>>
No. 445110 ID: b85f8c

Ask how long he's been around here.
>>
No. 445113 ID: 886a4d

>>445110
Don't ask him this, it might give us away. Instead ask him what he does around here. Make some small talk. Ask if he has any family etc.
>>
No. 445115 ID: 061a93

It won't give us away you derps, the lich explicitly said they won't notice, but regular people will. Cast it! Cast it now!
>>
No. 445116 ID: d6c330

>>445115
Generally magic scrolls are activated by being read aloud. We're standing next to the target in a tiny tent. Pretty sure he or she'd catch on, even if they couldn't "feel" the spell.

We want to do this at range. When they're in eyeshot, but not earshot.
>>
No. 445117 ID: 4a328b

WHISPER IT
>>
No. 445118 ID: f09b71
File 134535385882.png - (60.71KB , 700x700 , 3-32.png )
445118

>Make the small talk, first
"So tell me, sir, what do you do around here?"
>"Ah, I am one of the town's woodworkers."
"Oh, nice, I was noticing the buildings outside! They must be your handiwork?"
>"Some of them. Some of them have been around longer than I have, and I work with a few others."
"Family?"
>"No, just workers. I left my tribe years ago, and was traveling until now."

I motion to Muo to get the scroll ready, and expect her to know to keep it out of sight! The ghoul doesn't appear at all suspicious, so I can likely keep up smalltalk if I want to ask something specific prior to reading the scroll.
>>
No. 445119 ID: bf54a8

ask him about the old tribe, and why he left, bored?
>>
No. 445122 ID: 9216d5

>>445118
I'll still agree with redaeth. Don't activate the scroll yet; wait until you've identified all three targets.

Hell, you don't even know what the tattoo looks like. He could be totally mortal.
>>
No. 445124 ID: d6c330

We know his face, we know who he is. We can easily figure out where he lives and works. No need to risk the scroll, we can get him any time.

If the other ghouls don't show up, we should investigate the woodcutters. They may live or work together.

>ask him about the old tribe, and why he left
Don't push him for a backstory he may not have. Besides, we ask to much about people's pasts, and they may ask us in return.
>>
No. 445132 ID: 42c1c6

how about we suggest we are looking to have something carpented, maybe some new shelves for the oils or a new wagon or some such. Then we have an excuse to come see him where he works, which might give us the opportunity to find other ghouls.
>>
No. 445133 ID: b33427

Idly ask if anything newsworthy has been happening around here lately, other than your arrival. Maybe he'll mention your last visit here.
>>
No. 445137 ID: f09b71
File 134535553126.png - (86.57KB , 700x700 , 3-33.png )
445137

>The tattoo
Well, I don't know how common a lizard skull on the hip is, but it might be a trend!

"What was your old tribe like?"
>"Oh, similar to this one. Got broken up by some dissent, then broken the rest of the way by outsiders taking advantage. To one travelled as you, I'm sure it's just the same old story."
"Still! How about here, then? Any nice events till we came along?"
>"Not a whole lot. Occasional pack of adventurers coming through trying to wipe us out or something, business as usual. Normally stick to myself and my wood. Er."
"Haha, I get you. I may be needing some woodworking business done as well on this old cart of ours. Perhaps we could stop by?"
>"Mmf, anytime."

I'm finishing up with this guy, so while I may not need to use the scroll right away, this is certainly a good chance if I wish.
>>
No. 445138 ID: 4a328b

use the damn scroll
>>
No. 445142 ID: b85f8c

Two females, one male. This is the male if that's the right tattoo, so Muo would be catching the other two.

I do think this is the guy, but Zirkala specifically said to not take any risks. Make sure he matches ALL of our criteria.
>>
No. 445146 ID: 886a4d

>>445142
Actually he does, came in from outside, has a tattoo on the hip thats vaguely undead-ish and is the only male so far with such a thing. He also has no family which is another thing. the Undead don't generally have kids. I think this is our target.

The reason I want to wait is because Zirkala wants to be blamed for the plague and if this guy gets plague right after visiting us we'd be blamed instead.
>>
No. 445149 ID: 42c1c6

I just realized that when we read that scroll the ghoul is going to 'die' and then turn into a more corpse like ghoul. We don't want that to happen at the masseurs tent, to make sure they don't suspect we did it.

Do NOT read that scroll here. Request to buy something or get the cart repaired right now and follow him back to where he works.
>>
No. 445150 ID: f793db

>>445146
I can't imagine Zirkala won't do something openly to take credit for the plague. If she doesn't then SS and Muo are pretty much exactly who'd be blamed anyway.

Two strangers come into town, massage everyone, leave, and plague hits? If Zirkala doesn't take credit, Lizardfolk SS and Muo are going to look pretty suspicious.
>>
No. 445151 ID: b33427

Hold on using the scroll. While this guy is a good candidate, you don't know what the tattoos are supposed to look like. It could be a coincidence. Do more massages, and if a woman comes in with the same tattoo in the same spot, then you're good to go with the scroll on her, and the woodworker.
>>
No. 445152 ID: 53d7a2

Using the scroll makes Ghoulie here croak on the spot? Or is there a time delay. If it takes a while, sure. If he'd just keel over right here though, that'd be terrible for business, and you'd want to wait until you have all 3, then sneak around playing grim reaper.

Also, ask who did his tat. It MIGHT just be a plain ol' lizard who likes skulls on his butt. If it's someone local, you can verify this, and not waste a scroll on a red herring.

Also, assuming this takes you more than one day, do you have a secure place to sleep lined up?
>>
No. 445179 ID: d6c330

>Using the scroll makes Ghoulie here croak on the spot? Or is there a time delay

The scrolls just restore the "link magic" between the lich and the ghouls, giving her the power to turn them off at will again. Her problem is the old links have broken down, or run out of juice.

The ghouls will die later, at the Lich's command, after the faux plague is released.

We're not killing these guys, we're just tagging them.

The reason I think we should wait isn't because he'll die on the spot, but because there's a good chance he'll catch us doing it, and warn the other two. We want to keep them in the dark, and tag at our leisure. They aren't going anywhere- they live here.
>>
No. 445182 ID: 061a93

>>445150
>If Zirkala doesn't take credit, Lizardfolk SS and Muo are going to look pretty suspicious.

The hell do they care? They're both under illusion spells.
>>
No. 445187 ID: f793db

>>445182
I was responding to redaeth's line

>The reason I want to wait is because Zirkala wants to be blamed for the plague and if this guy gets plague right after visiting us we'd be blamed instead.

I know they don't need to care about being blamed.
>>
No. 445195 ID: 53d7a2

>>445152

Ah. Anyway yeah, measure twice cut once is probably still the way to go. No sense wasting scrolls without being totally sure.

>>445182

Actually they're under polymorph spells from a chaos god. Hence Muo's beefy lizard strength and Story Seeker's grope-able chest.
>>
No. 445197 ID: f7ae22

Hold off on using the scroll, it's too risky to throw away the only lead we have.
Tell him about a special you're having where for every two friends he brings to try out a massage he'll get another free massage for himself.
>>
No. 445218 ID: f09b71
File 134536495311.png - (141.36KB , 700x700 , 3-34.png )
445218

I will hold off on the scroll, just in case it has any adverse effects other than letting the Lich hold her power over it! I let him go, and we continue on.

An hour later, another girl comes in, and she, too, has a similar tattoo on her hip. It is not quite the same, but it is close, and a bit out of place on all her other tattoo designs!
>>
No. 445219 ID: b85f8c

>>445218
That's not her left!
>>
No. 445220 ID: b85f8c

...but hey, that means we can ask her where she got it and not catch suspicion. Maybe she knows who else has one, and was copying it!
>>
No. 445221 ID: 6a1ec2

Incidentally these ghouls are actually already dead, and actually wouldn't die, simply being stopped and perhaps subsequently restarted by Zirkala. ...right? I mean, you should probably... ask before using the scroll on them. They should be pretty amiable when they find out you're with Zirkala, and if not well, I can't conscience using the scrolls.
>>
No. 445222 ID: 0c2247

>>445218
"You have such beautiful tattoos! Think you could tell me their stories while I work?"

Start AWAY from the skull.
>>
No. 445225 ID: b85f8c

>>445221
She said she wants the ghouls 'back', so yes. She effectively deactivates them and then retrieves their essence or whatever.
>>
No. 445226 ID: f793db

>>445219
indeed, unless the tattoo in question is not being shown, this is not one out the ghouls.

I don't see how talking about them can hurt too much. Especially if she's not a potential ghoul.
>>
No. 445228 ID: 061633

Since it's on her right we could most likely ask her about it.
Tell her some of your other customers have had similiar tattos and ask if it's popular.
If it is, we might have a problem on our hands.
>>
No. 445241 ID: 53d7a2

>>445221

None of the ghouls know they're ghouls though. It's a total Bladerunner deal.
>>
No. 445243 ID: b85f8c

>>445241
The Lich gave the impression that they did know, what with the whole asking her if they wanted to come back or not, and her saying they probably don't.
>>
No. 445258 ID: f09b71
File 134538528198.png - (81.88KB , 700x700 , 3-35.png )
445258

>Not her left
Oh, that does make this one not a candidate!

"You have very nice tattoos, miss. Where did you get them?"
>"Thanks. Most of them are customary tribal designs, but the skull on my hip I got out of respect when one of our woodworkers got me out of a jam. It was my way of accepting them into our tribe. Long time ago."
"Oh, is it a popular thing to get?"
>"No. I have only seen myself and the woodworker have it."
>>
No. 445265 ID: 061633

If we want to be 100% sure we get the right guys, we could ask her who did her tattoos, and then ask them if they've done any other tattoo jobs involving skulls on hips.
>>
No. 445267 ID: d6c330

>>445265
Not a bad idea, except I think Zirkala sent them out with tattoos. They didn't get them here.

If she hasn't seen the tattoo on anyone else, that means the other two ghouls are laying low. Hmm.

If they don't show up here, maybe we'll learn something by snooping on the woodworker when we go to scroll him.
>>
No. 445269 ID: 886a4d

You said them, who else was with him?
>>
No. 445274 ID: a9298b

>>445267
Yeah, the idea would be to avoid mix-ups between the ghouls and anyone who happened to get that tattoo in the same spot.
>>
No. 445286 ID: f09b71
File 134539408628.png - (57.98KB , 700x700 , 3-36.png )
445286

"Them, you say? Who else did you accept?"
>"Oh, a couple of the woodworkers friends. I don't think they're in part of the same tribe, but they were all outsiders and friends, so I accepted them all the same by accepting one."
"I see! Who did the tattoo, by the way?"
>"The same person who had it. You should get some, it would look nice on you."
>>
No. 445287 ID: d6c330

Why thank you! I'll certainly consider it.

Okay, that confirms the woodworker has fellow outsider friends. They're probably the other ghouls, he could lead us to them But we have to be careful, if the woodworker tattooed this girl, it seems like they're deliberately trying to throw off pursuit with false positives.
>>
No. 445304 ID: 53d7a2

Say you aren't sure how comfortable you are with the idea of leaving the shop, but if her friends want to stop by here maybe you can work out an exchange.
>>
No. 445329 ID: b433c7

>>445287
I don't know if they did that to get rid of pursuers... AS far as she knows, she is the only one aside from the tattooer that has it... of course there are at least 2 more, so maybe she just isn't aware of more, but if they would try to spread the mark, there would be at least so many that our lizard here would have noticed at least one other... We should still notice/remember the ones with the right mark at the right spot... But we should wait with our spell until we have some numbers of possible candidates, in best case after we examined most of the lizards here.
>>
No. 445332 ID: 6a1ec2

Hey I got an idea that would save you and Muo a lot of trouble. You know how the hex on your loins is broken by laying with another woman, and doing that means you don't get paid? Well, now your loins are perfect for laying with another man! The hex won't break, you won't get caught, you'll get paid, and you'll have a lot of fun too, and Muo can stop throwing out paying customers. I bet it would make a good story!
>>
No. 445334 ID: d6c330

>>445332
You are mistaken.
>It is cured by having a romp in bed. You will simply have to lay with another woman. Or man.
>>
No. 445351 ID: f09b71
File 134541762457.png - (96.12KB , 700x700 , 3-37.png )
445351

"Thank you, I'll consider it, but perhaps you could recommend they come here?"
>"Sure, I'll plug your place."
>>
No. 445352 ID: f09b71
File 134541765309.png - (86.69KB , 700x700 , 3-38.png )
445352

A couple more hours pass, but we don't see any sign of the two female ghouls.

>"Maybe we should close shop for awhile and go to the woodworking place ourselves?" Muo says, between customers.
>>
No. 445357 ID: b85f8c

>>445352
Only if there's something that needs fixing on the cart.

Maybe Muo can supply that reason.
>>
No. 445359 ID: d6c330

Yeah, sounds good. Depending on the hour you can close for lunch, or for the day. Running 24/7 will interfere with doing anything, and be somewhat suspicious anyways.
>>
No. 445363 ID: a3b384

Yeah we're already out of place enough, if we drop doing business just to make a beeline to the woodcutters that could be suspicious. We have an appointment for one to meet us, and the other two are likely to show up as well. Tomorrow is a good day to come up with or create a reason to hurry over there. It isn't like there would be time to do anything today! Also, was there much damage from that earlier scuffle? Could be a handy excuse.

Also although it's not important at the moment, it occurs to me that the purpose of the curse is entirely to see if we are trustworthy enough in matters of the loins. After all, if we can't control ourselves or our situations when so much money is explicitly on the line for that reason, the odds of us falling prey to some subtler sex baited shenanigan look rather high.
>>
No. 445383 ID: 53d7a2

>>445363

There's also the fact that our lich friend can freely read our mind at any time. Slipping things past her just is not going to happen, period, so mind out of the gutter.

Anyway, poking around too much right away seems like it'd raise some red flags. I say, just take the rest of the day off, relax some, do another day or two of business, and if they still don't show, that should be plenty of time to come up with a plausible excuse for needing carpentry.

If nothing else, with business so good the first day, you might need to expand the shop! Get another table, hire on an apprentice... when you're done here you can leave it to them, maybe end up with some more relaxed lizards as neighbors in the long run!
>>
No. 445394 ID: 6a1ec2

>>445334

Oops. Nix the romp part then. I was always notoriously bad at paying attention.
>>
No. 445411 ID: f09b71
File 134542646152.png - (93.46KB , 700x700 , 3-39.png )
445411

"You know, Muo, our business is doing very well! We could even expand, take on some apprentices, that sort of thing."
>"Ah.. I do want to leave eventually! Uh, and this is a lizard tribe, there's probably just a lot of initial novelty around at having a massage tent at all. It may not last very long, plus, they are getting their first massage for free."
"Fair point! In any case, I don't know if we can poke around the woodworkers without them getting suspicious. Supposedly, the ghouls may be laying low."
>"I could just take off the kickstand and have it go 'missing'. It would be a very easy fix, but still need a visit to the woodworker's shop. Plus, the first guy did say we were welcome!"
>>
No. 445412 ID: f09b71
File 134542650703.png - (169.37KB , 700x700 , 3-40.png )
445412

And so we tell the remaining people in line to come back later, and the tanners next to us were kind enough to tell us the way to the wood workers.

Inside their shop, I only see the male that is almost certainly a ghoul.
>>
No. 445415 ID: 6a1ec2

Say "Zirkala, I mean, we're calling on you to replace our kickstand. Business was a little too good the first day and it has gone missing!"

If they answer with "Lich kickstand do you want?" then it's safe to use the scroll on them.
>>
No. 445416 ID: b85f8c

The lich already told us that we should expect them not to want to return. We're not asking permission. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if they attack us if they figure us out.

Let Muo do the talking and wander around the shop looking at stuff. When you're out of sight, pull out the scroll and use it on him.
>>
No. 445419 ID: 886a4d

>>445415
That is incredible silly and is more likely to have him attack us or get the village to attack us then expose himself.

Instead have Muo order the kickstand while you wander the shop. Take a look at pictures and knicknacks. Ask idly if he works alone.
>>
No. 445420 ID: 6a1ec2

>>445416

So we're on a mission to enslave innocents?! That's unacceptable! Suggest quietly to Muo that it would be a shame if you got the wrong scroll mixed up somehow and everything just went crazy instead of working as planned.
>>
No. 445422 ID: bf54a8

>>445420
uhhh, no, the are more like sentient bombs. with an unknown amount of time left on their clock.
>>
No. 445426 ID: b85f8c

>>445420
We aren't enslaving innocents. These are errant ghouls. They would be essentially soldiers abandoning their posts if they didn't want to return. I mean, Zirkala is still their master, she just doesn't know exactly where they are right now. AWOL.
>>
No. 445428 ID: f793db

>>445419
This. Don't do stupid things, like try to ruin the whole point of the mission, because you're feeling bad about the undead who was made to die so that actual living people don't have to.

Zirkala needs to give the plague some oomph one way or the other, and if she doesn't have the ghouls, that probably means having random people die instead.
>>
No. 445435 ID: 6a1ec2

>>445422

If so, then why would they care about us knowing the lich? If they die either way I don't see why knowing of our intent would perturb them.

>>445426

That merely strengthens my resolve. Imagine what would have happened if Chee never left her post! We certainly wouldn't be not trapped in a crazy god's dream I can tell you that. At least we have to hear out their reasoning as to why.
>>
No. 445439 ID: b85f8c

>>445435
Chee DIDN'T leave her post. She was created by Lich Chee in order to gather enough power to kill the gods, and she went far beyond those "meager" expectations and killed the god of all the gods.

The worst thing that could happen to these ghouls is that they'll be reassigned to a different location. Chill your shit.
>>
No. 445443 ID: d6c330

Talk, chill, commission the woodwork you need done. See if you can pick up any leads on the other ghouls, on the assumption he still hangs with them.
>>
No. 445446 ID: f793db

Also, cast the spell on him, if he notices, it means you went after the wrong person.
>>
No. 445447 ID: 886a4d

Ya now would be the time to cast that scroll.
>>
No. 445448 ID: d6c330

>>445446
>>445447
Assuming we can cast in on him without him seeing or hearing us cast.

Obviously, you either want to cast while Muo is commissioning the repair work, or she casts while you chat him up.
>>
No. 445451 ID: 53d7a2

Right... let's get back on track here.

Introduce yourselves! Mention the female you met yesterday who was talking about tattoos with you, and said he had a cool one. Generally turn up the charm to 11 and make nice. Offer to give him a free massage as thanks for his labor here.
>>
No. 445452 ID: 886a4d

He already knows us, and we already saw his tatoo. Mentioning that we're interested in it might tip him off. Save that for later.
>>
No. 445457 ID: 53d7a2

>>445452

Oh you're right. Missed that. Well then, scratch that, but still turn the charm up, make pleasant conversation... past that it kinda depends what time it is. If it's still very much the middle of the work day, you're eventually going to need to return to the stall to keep up appearances.

If it's late... flirt like crazy, hope to get asked on a date? If you can find an excuse to hang out with him off hours, you can get introduced to the other two. From there, it should be possible to talk the other two onto the massage table, or hit all 3 with scrolls at once if that doesn't seem needed.
>>
No. 445462 ID: 6a1ec2

>>445439

Yeah and Tom was created to become the Devourer, uh huh. I see where you're going.

If that's the worst thing that can happen, then no harm can come of making them aware of the spell before we cast it. Keeping their ghoulishness a secret from the town is fine, but casting secret hexes on unwilling participants without their knowledge, whether undead or no, is not something you can, of a moral conscience, aid in!
>>
No. 445466 ID: 4d21ee

Do it. It does nothing harmful and will save lives.

And if the lich lied to us, we have other scrolls that can be used against the lich.
>>
No. 445470 ID: d6c330

Guys, from everything we've seen, Zirkala is pretty kind and reasonable for a Lich. She's certainly been fair and kind to us. The whole point of this mission is so she can scare some people and maintain her cred without doing serious damage. And all we have to do is reign in a few rogue ghouls.

Sure, maybe they'd prefer to stay here. But I'm sure she'll treat them well. Hell, she'll probably just make 'em look a little different and send them back in for the next time.

Plus there's the fact we pretty solidly break her trust if we try and save them here. And we may force her to use a real plague, which would be bad.

I understand the impulse to save the rebelling androids. But I don't think they really need it, or that it's worth the cost.
>>
No. 445485 ID: f09b71
File 134543600859.png - (100.45KB , 700x700 , 3-41.png )
445485

Alright... at the risk of doing something potentially cruel, I whisper to Muo to cast the scroll while I distract him, considering he's already eyeing me!

>Lay on the flirty
"Hey, babe."
>"Ah. Hello. What can I do for you?"
"We're missing our stand for our cart, and it makes it so very hard to balance the darn thing. And you're the best person to come to!"
>"Y...eah, I am the woodworker, after all."

Come on Muo, he's not looking anywhere else! Don't make me keep going like this!

"And I'd be in your debt. I'd owe you a very, very thorough massage."
>"You sure know how to bargain. And is this any regular massage?"

Muoooooooo this is too weird!

"Only if 'regular' involves full body service."

I... sure did just say something. And finally I hear Muo incant some funny words!

>"Eh, did you just-" he starts saying, not quite hearing Muo
>>
No. 445486 ID: f09b71
File 134543602435.png - (102.07KB , 700x700 , 3-42.png )
445486

>"Oh, good. 1 out of 3, good jo- what are you doing, Story Seeker?" 'he' says.
>>
No. 445488 ID: b85f8c

>>445486
Say that you were providing a distraction, and ask if he's going to go back to normal soon.
>>
No. 445489 ID: 4a328b

tell the lich that you are flirting. Make the duck-face.
>>
No. 445490 ID: d6c330

...distracting him? o_o

Ah, didn't realize you'd get immediate remote control. He still in there?
>>
No. 445492 ID: f793db

>>445486
Distracting him. We didn't know how aware they were of us casting the spell, and didn't want to risk it.
>>
No. 445493 ID: f7ae22

Insist that you were totally only flirting to distract the lizard, you definitely would not go around flirting with male lizards for no reason.
>>
No. 445497 ID: a3b384

"Being distracting. Can you read my mind through him? It would be so much simpler than trying to explain things."
>>
No. 445498 ID: 4d21ee

"Well, clearly my cover is distracting him, but you're free to think I'm flirting with you if you want."

Fem!SSxZirkala OTP
>>
No. 445499 ID: 6a1ec2

Muo you are the worst priest of chaos ever.
>>
No. 445504 ID: f09b71
File 134544143371.png - (116.02KB , 700x700 , 3-43.png )
445504

"Er hello, I was just distracting him! By flirting! I definitely would not just go around flirting with males for no reason! Unless maybe that male was you!"
>"And it has somehow worked so far. With that getup and that act, you've probably gotten in trouble. Muo has rescued you by now, I expect."
"... yeahh. Is the ghoul still in there?"
>"Yes, and he won't remember this exchange. Let's see... he'll come back just in time to remember, what was it 'full body service.' In any case, it appears I was right to only send you on this mission after you had reasonable assistance. Your knack for getting this sort of thing uncovered, Muo for saving your ass. Then again, you being female was probably her fault. Muo is here, I presume."
>>
No. 445505 ID: f09b71
File 134544147587.png - (83.30KB , 700x700 , 3-44.png )
445505

>"Yeah and I am having a bit of trouble at the moment!" says Muo.
>"... and I am sensing some people coming this way. Probably the ghoul's co-workers."
>>
No. 445507 ID: 4a328b

SKEDADDLE
>>
No. 445508 ID: b85f8c

>>445505
Inform her that the co-workers are almost certainly the other two ghouls. Can we use the scrolls in order to effectively wipe their memories of anything weird happening?

Alternatively we could just bashfully admit that Muo is a slime that is shapeshifted, and we just wanted to make some money. We might get thrown out of town but we can probably just manage to get the scroll used on the last two ghouls.
>>
No. 445509 ID: 886a4d

Any windows or backdoors to comically rush out of?
>>
No. 445511 ID: 53d7a2

> "Only if 'regular' involves full body service."

Wow, is your new body getting to your brain? That's a bit more forward than expected.

Anyway, yeah, melting Muo's going to cause problems. Uh... can she slip through a crack in the floor, or find an inconspicuous bucket to hide in? Only other thing I can think of would be hiding under your clothes or something if she's going to be goopy for a while.

As long as you can work out something better for her to do with herself though, stick around a bit, at least get a look at these other probably ghouls. Still good to confirm they have tats before you scroll them, but this doesn't seem to be the time or place, unless you can get them to invite you to a public bathing sorta deal after work, I guess. Come to think of it, if lizardfolk are into that sort of thing, that'd be a great way to ID the female ones regardless!

But yeah, probably going to end this little exchange with you giving male ghoul a knowing wink, heading back, and hoping Muo can manage to pull herself back together unnoticed.
>>
No. 445516 ID: bbee3d

On the one hand, this could be a problem. Ask Muo what the problem is, and check your own shapeshift to make sure it's not wearing off. That could be awkward.

On the other hand, the woodworker's co-workers are likely to include the other ghouls (if they're female). This is the perfect opportunity to offer them a massage. If you can't fix whatever is wrong with Muo, see if the lich can help you hide Muo, or at least keep the woodworker unconscious while you do it yourself.
>>
No. 445524 ID: 53d7a2

>>445516

I don't know about that. Just offered this guy one as thanks for the job he just did. If you keep it up you'll just seem weirdly pushy and desperate.
>>
No. 445529 ID: bbee3d

>>445524

Technically, we offered him a second massage for the job. The first one is free to everyone, including any of his colleagues who haven't gotten one yet.
>>
No. 445565 ID: f09b71
File 134546426185.png - (127.88KB , 700x700 , 3-45.png )
445565

>You were more forward than expected
If I am to play the part, I may as well play it in full! That is my excuse.

>Are there any windows or backdoors to comically rush out of>
As a matter of fact, one of the flaps on the walls was a glassless window! Zirkala and I shove Muo out and tell her to lay low. My own shapeshift appears to be intact.

>"Okay." Zirkala begins talking. "Do you want me to return the ghoul to his previous state where you left off, or should I pretend to be him? I have his memories, but I warn you that I am not an adept actor."
"Can you wipe memories?"
>"Not from this far, only a scant second or so. Just enough to clear any recollection of the scroll."
>>
No. 445566 ID: 4a328b

Act along please!
>>
No. 445569 ID: a3b384

With Muo cleared out, we have our best shot at not arousing suspicion with him as himself. As long as we do not arouse too much besides that. In the post-imaginary-second-massage state we should be able to convince the others to come along tomorrow.

Alternatively, we could jump out the window too. The ghouls doctored recollections needn't know how we left or when.
>>
No. 445578 ID: d6c330

>With that getup and that act, you've probably gotten in trouble. Muo has rescued you by now, I expect.
It's hardly my fault! It's not as if I've had a lifetime to properly calibrate the appropriate degree of female flirting. It's kind of tricky to get it right, though I am learning perhaps distressingly quickly.

...if you have his memories, could you just have him tell me who the other two ghouls are? Would certainly save us a lot of trouble.

Also, if the two coworkers who bust in are the remaining ghouls, Muo can scroll them from outside the window while we stall with pathetic escuses inside.
>>
No. 445580 ID: 0c2247

>>445565
Play along! Act completely drunk so there will be an excuse for not remembering much of anything after we showed up!
>>
No. 445582 ID: f09b71
File 134546952383.png - (120.14KB , 700x700 , 3-46.png )
445582

"Just act along, please! Act drunk or something, for an excuse about the lack of memory! Please signal to muo with a snap of the fingers if the 2 females that are coming in are the ghouls if you can check!"

Just in time, two girls come in and say hello to Zirkala's host!
>"Yeah, it's these two." Zirkala says, snapping her fingers. She wasn't kidding when she said she didn't act.
>"... hello to you, too. Who's the chick?" the big one says.

And as I hang by the window, I am able to hear Muo whisper out some scroll magic!
>>
No. 445583 ID: f09b71
File 134546959898.png - (93.75KB , 700x700 , 3-47.png )
445583

>".... introduce yourself." Zirkala says.
"Hello, I'm Arkati! Travelling masseuse."

Zirkala is looking fidgety and uncomfortable, moreso than seems right. It isn't unnoticed by the two girls, but no one says anything, instead making the atmosphere thick enough to cut.
>>
No. 445586 ID: 0c2247

>>445583
"Can you believe he was just trying to sell me a wooden dildo? Not even varnished! Is he like this with all ladies?"
>>
No. 445588 ID: d6c330

Zirkala has irrational stage fright? That or the ghoul is fighting to get enough control to warn his friends.

Time for plan blabbermouth. You need to talk, incessantly, about anything to cover Z's awkwardness and give Muo the time to cast the spell.

Yeah, I'm new in town, just stopped by to get some repair work done on my cart. How are you two doing? You look a little tense, feel free to stop by my tent later, we're giving out free samples today! Great way to drum up buisness, meet interesting people.

Ooh! Or, this might be better. You just need a better excuse for the awkwardness. Make as if he's uncomfortable because his friends caught him at an awkward moment. You were flirting outrageously with the ghoul a moment ago... try and act like they caught you about to hook up. Masseuse, awkwardness... it shouldn't be too hard to swing.
>>
No. 445615 ID: 53d7a2

> Ooh! Or, this might be better. You just need a better excuse for the awkwardness. Make as if he's uncomfortable because his friends caught him at an awkward moment. You were flirting outrageously with the ghoul a moment ago... try and act like they caught you about to hook up. Masseuse, awkwardness... it shouldn't be too hard to swing.

Exactly. Wave Zirkala down, hopefully she'll get the hint that you have this covered and she can bail since she's Not Helping, and it makes sense to shut up stammering weirdos even if she doesn't take the hint.

Past that, the best approach here is definitely to be all "Oh! Are the three of you together? I'm sorry, I didn't know!"

This should lead into exactly the sort of chaotic argument (or apology fest) needed to distract them long enough.

Other angles to keep it going, depending how things go:

- "Well, if the two of you can share him, is there room for one more?"

- Insult the big one's weight.

- Stuff your tongue down Zirkala/the ghoul's throat to keep ruse destroying words from pouring out.

Obviously, you don't want to do all of these at once. Just, whichever the situation calls for. I suppose the tongue thing works with any variation though!
>>
No. 445678 ID: 6a1ec2

Just ask the woodworker if everything is OK?
>>
No. 445682 ID: b85f8c

I agree with plan blabbermouth. Keep them paying attention to you instead of him. Ask the girls about themselves, how long they've been here, if they've done any interesting work lately or know any juicy gossip...
>>
No. 449149 ID: f09b71
File 134625417095.png - (133.35KB , 800x700 , 3-48.png )
449149

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you all were together! I'm new in town, just to get some repair work. How are you all doing? You look rather tense and should feel free to stop by and hey mister you can go upstairs if you want and...

Words just keep falling out of my mouth with no end, appropriately baffling the two others while Zirkala attempts to go upstairs with her controlled ghoul. Out of the corner of my eye, outside of the other wordworker's eyes, I see Muo waving her gooey hands through the tarp window in a concerningly franctic manner!

>"Harlots aren't welcome here." the large girl lets out as I give pause between my words.
>>
No. 449151 ID: 886a4d

Be outraged! And storm out. Tell them you'll expect the part you ordered delivered... free for the being so rude.
>>
No. 449162 ID: d6c330

Ghoul-koa there doesn't seem to like you.

Make an embarrassed, stammering apology as if she's flustered you. Take long enough Zirkala can puppet the woodsman upstairs. Then leave. Something's wrong outside, Muo needs help or else she would have already read the other two scrolls.

Hopefully Zirkala has the sense to dump the confused ghoul upstairs and not stick around for bad acting.
>>
No. 449163 ID: e3f578

>>449149
"Good thing I'm not one of those then huh?"
>>
No. 449194 ID: 6dfcb9

>>449151

Getting angry would be properly in character sure, but it would also make it harder to get into position to scroll these two in the future. Since Muo seems to be having problems of some kind that need to be explained, we need an excuse to leave, regroup, rethink and come back.

The obvious answer- Start bawling your eyes out and run blindly back to the massage stall.
>>
No. 449195 ID: 68f2f2

>>449149
Be offended! remember lizardfolk respect strength. Yours is a respectable business that doesn't indulge those sorts of 'services'! Even if the staff is a bit flirty there is a strict company policy here! Prepare to have to blast the big one with some sort of heavy swung object.
>>
No. 449397 ID: 6e44d2

>>449194
This.
>>
No. 449902 ID: 2cc3ac

>>449194
I agree.
>>
No. 450044 ID: f09b71
File 134643596894.png - (67.25KB , 700x700 , 3-49.png )
450044

"Hmph, I wasn't expecting to be treated like this! I came in for repairs, and I'll expect it.. free, because I run a respectable business, not a business of harlots! And I'll be off, and don't even wish to cross your paths, therefore I will let myself out of this window!"
>>
No. 450045 ID: f09b71
File 134643599024.png - (128.26KB , 700x700 , 3-50.png )
450045

"Muo what is going on?!"
>"I'm sorry I casted the scrolls but they did something else! The words got scrambled or something I don't know!"
>>
No. 450048 ID: 886a4d

... we trusted TOM with the scrolls...

oh dear.
>>
No. 450056 ID: 6dfcb9

Hey now. Try to come off more hurt. The idea is to make them feel guilty, so that they'll come to apologize and give you a second shot down the road.

Of course, if the scrolls aren't working as advertised, that's... not going to happen. We know it isn't just that they aren't actually our targets, because they didn't react to spells being cast on them, which is what we were told would happen if we were wrong on that. That leaves two possibilities.

1- Our scrolls are defective in some way. If there's enough spares to compare, we might still have some that work, but I doubt it. If this is the case, no amount of bluffing and flirting is going to get the job done. We'll have to retreat back to home base, get replacements, fix Muo's disguise, and try again.

2- The scrolls totally worked, Zirkala can bluff just fine, and is just screwing with us for kicks now that our little mission is complete. In which case, the thing to do is go back and congratulate her on managing to freak us out for a moment.

Either way, stuffing Muo in a chest or something and running back hope with tears streaming from your eyes seems like the thing to do. If you have to come back and take another stab at things, you can play it off as regaining your composure.
>>
No. 450083 ID: f09b71
File 134644046617.png - (99.65KB , 700x700 , 3-51.png )
450083

>Come off as too hurt
A bit late for such a thing, as it appears that the woodworkers have stopped caring about me or my exit!

"Muo get in the cart I'm getting us out of here, they were the same scrolls right? Maybe they did work!"

THUD

Zirkala fell down upstairs, it sounded like.

>"Hey are you alright?!" the large girl asks. Muo, seeing an opportunity, casts the scrolls on those two!
>"I think it worked properly that time!" says says.
"Okay let's get you in the cart!"

>"I can't stand up!" I hear the ghoul upstairs yell. He's back to his regular tone of voice, so I think Zirkala bailed out.
>>
No. 450084 ID: f09b71
File 134644047877.png - (115.36KB , 700x700 , 3-52.png )
450084

"Muo what did the scrolls do the first time?!"
>"Hold on I think... uh.. let me see... there were 2 scrolls so it casted two things!"
"Yeah, yeah?!"
>"The first was Unpredictable Momentum!"
"Okay, okay, that is something I am not following, what is the second?"
>"The second was, uh, it casted latent magic on the ointment!"
"Yeeees?!"
>>
No. 450086 ID: f09b71
File 134644050962.png - (148.78KB , 700x700 , 3-53.png )
450086

I hear a series of thuds, going faster and faster, then the ghoul flies right out the door!

>"Ointment of Zero Friction!"
>>
No. 450089 ID: 886a4d

On ALL the ointment?

Time to run. Best not be in your current bodies either.
>>
No. 450091 ID: 6dfcb9

Oh great, just a slapstick spell combos. That should probably wear off on its own, and as an added bonus, cover our escape from town.

Seeker HAS had enough of being the flirty lizard girl and getting all this attention from the males right? No wanting to stick around and give a few more massages?

If not, yeah, use your "wounded dignity" and the chaos as an excuse to slip out of town (might as well pack up the shop first, call Muo some "special oils" and have her lie still if anyone asks). Once you've reported the success of this caper, you should be able to get back to normal and take a break.

It is weird how Muo's spell wore off and yours hasn't when they were cast at the same time though. Either you got a more permanent version from Tom on a whim, or you're working on borrowed time, so I'd get a move on.
>>
No. 450104 ID: c7dc56

Ask her if the Lich's spell was cast properly on all three. Hopefully Tom only made the slapstick spells as an addition and not a replacement.

If it's all good, then its probably time to book it. Tell Tom you're thankful he chose to use ZERO friction instead of... oh lets say NEGATIVE friction.
>>
No. 450109 ID: 0c2247

>>450086
Amusing, but now there's something we have to do.
Have Muo cover the wagon's wheels with the zero-friction ointment. We are going to SKI home!
>>
No. 450229 ID: 6a1ec2

Negative friction is more the domain of the god of gratuitous death and destruction than the god of chaos.
>>
No. 450231 ID: 733ae0

>>450229
Gratuitous death and destruction isn't Chaotic?
>>
No. 450232 ID: 886a4d

Tom is the god of chaos, not chaotic stupid.
>>
No. 450293 ID: 6a1ec2

>>450231

It's quite orderly in fact. Even boring. Think like the Saw movies, except all his games are just shooting you on the spot until you're dead.
>>
No. 450348 ID: 733ae0

>>450293
>disasters create order
Cool theory, you should go preach it down in New Orleans, I'm sure they'll get a kick out of it.
>>
No. 450376 ID: f09b71
File 134652554039.png - (93.98KB , 900x400 , 3-54.png )
450376

"So you think that the lich's scroll was still casted on all three?"
>"Yes, I'm certain of it!"

Well, she says she's certain now, and that is good enough for me!

"It may just work out in favor that Tom apparently is a fan of slapstick! Alright, put ointment on the wheels, we're going to ski out of here!"

>Seeker HAS had enough of being the flirty lizard girl and getting all this attention from the males right?
A memorable experience that I do not regret living, and wish to never have happen again!

>"YOU TWOOOO!"

Uh oh it's the guard coming right at us!
>>
No. 450377 ID: c6ec33

>>450376
Just dodge perpendicular to his forward direction. The odds of him being able to re-adjust course are low. Briefly consider surfing on his back as he glides by.
>>
No. 450382 ID: 886a4d

Just move to the side. He'll slide right on by.

Lets put the blame to where it belongs... I'm sure Tom will get a hoot.

The God of Chaos sends his regards. Smile!
>>
No. 450384 ID: 6e44d2

>>450377
Surfing sounds awesome, but you'd slip right off his back. Wouldn't work.
>>
No. 450390 ID: 6dfcb9

Just hop into the wagon. When he slams into it, it'll transfer the momentum over, you'll go flying, and he'll bounce off, unable to do you any harm.
>>
No. 450408 ID: 214bf9

>>450384
It might work if the God of Chaos finds it amusing. Riiiiiiiiiiigghht?
>>
No. 450481 ID: 2cc3ac

>>450390
Do this! Keep your tail out of the way of his sword tho!
>>
No. 450621 ID: 1e7d43

>>450376
I laughed. *Love* that pic.

But yeah, just step aside.
>>
No. 450692 ID: 7459d5

... how is he holding onto the sword if he's covered in that zero-friction stuff? A light grip wouldn't keep itin his hand while moving, and tigther grips would just make the thing slip comedically out of his hand like a greased banana
>>
No. 450714 ID: 997ce7

>>450692
Crossguard and pommel, I suppose. Zero friction doesn't mean they're elastic enough to squeeze through a clenched fist.
>>
No. 450782 ID: f09b71
File 134661413129.png - (80.03KB , 700x700 , 3-55.png )
450782

>How is he holding his sword?
That is a fine question, and I am now impressed by this guard! I hop on the cart.

"Muo! Are the wheels ointed?!"
>"Yes! Also, your illusion."
"Oh."

>"YOUUUU!" the guard yells.
>>
No. 450783 ID: f09b71
File 134661415690.png - (118.02KB , 700x700 , 3-56.png )
450783

He slams into the cart, transferring all of his momentum for our own! I almost expect him to try and chase us, but he is paralyzed at the realization of the truth of what transpired between us!
>>
No. 450785 ID: a5478c

Now do this >>450382
>>
No. 450786 ID: 886a4d

I don't think you are going to be able to enter the lizard village with your own face... ever. Anyway congrats! Mission accomplished.
>>
No. 450788 ID: 6d7b20

>>450786
not that he would have tried to in the past before Zirkala or would like to in the future anyway...
A more important note however would be that the villagers may search for him especially... luckily just around town...
>>
No. 450798 ID: d6c330

Wait, that was an illusion? I thought she polymorphed you.

Yeah, you are officially a persona non grata in this town from now on. Time go go.
>>
No. 450800 ID: 6dfcb9

Ducking out of sight of everyone else might help, but yeah. Seems you're in the clear. Well earned-reward, most of which I seem to recall needs to be returned to the drake.
>>
No. 450801 ID: 886a4d

We already gave the Drake the 1000 gold we owed her.
>>
No. 450802 ID: 0c2247

>>450798
Yea, and polymorph doesn't have a time limit. Tom is to blame.
>>
No. 450805 ID: 6e44d2

loooool!

Good one, Tom.
>>
No. 450865 ID: 56994b

Well this is a fine mess. I don't think much of it was actually our fault though. At least we didn't violate the no sexings clause. Because Tom didn't know there was one. Eesh.

Let us make haste and head back to our sometimes sexy Lich to see what we can't salvage out of this mess.
>>
No. 450981 ID: f2c20c

>>450783
Grin viciously and wave as you go.

Let's get to the Lich and acquire our next mission!
>>
No. 451110 ID: fee010

>>450785
I second this notion.
>>
No. 451397 ID: 42c1c6

Ask the lich if we can borrow one of her carpentry ghouls to build us some nicer digs back at the tribe.
>>
No. 451458 ID: 085efe

>>451397

Wouldn't that require them to start acting unusual, ruining the point of them?

SS has money, he could just pay someone to do it if needed.
>>
No. 451677 ID: f09b71
File 134678673725.png - (124.22KB , 700x700 , 3-57.png )
451677

>Illusion/polymorph
Technically a polymorph, but with the level of magic I have been subjected to, it is almost a matter of semantics by this point!

>Send regards
I would find it easier if he had left my polymorph on for just another minute or two! It would be weird to thank him after that!

I try to keep my head low, but I am just one part of the mess as I hear the commotion as who knows how many people are slipping around. Mission accomplished, nevertheless!
>>
No. 451679 ID: f09b71
File 134678682745.png - (70.41KB , 700x700 , 3-58.png )
451679

One trip to the lich later...

"Hello, Lady Zirkala!"
>"Congratulations. You've gotten yourself another.. what did I decide on.... 1,000 gold. You are now the third richest kobold I've seen, granted I've partially made you that way. Just what do you plan on spending all of this money on?"
>>
No. 451681 ID: 4a328b

>>451679
A NEW CAR

Uh, well. We didn't actually think this far ahead!
>>
No. 451682 ID: d6c330

>We didn't actually think this far ahead!

Although, the way things have been going, I'm sure I'll encounter some situation where I can make use of it.
>>
No. 451684 ID: 886a4d

An instrument. A bard without one is no bard at all. Also travelling expenses. Maybe we'll accompany Muo partway. I'm sure she'll provide lots of stories both of the trip and her previous journies.
>>
No. 451685 ID: c31f72

A magic instrument, something that can teleport back to us in case we need to leave town really fast.
>>
No. 451694 ID: 3bad4c

A cloak of magically enhanced charisma?
>>
No. 451696 ID: 6c61ee

Weren't we giving some to Miss Drake for her hoard?
>>
No. 451697 ID: 3eba16

"Oh, nothing. It just felt odd to not try and earn gold while I went off on my crazy adventures.

I supposed I could always give it to Miss Drake though."
>>
No. 451699 ID: 733ae0

Whores.
trollface.jpg
>>
No. 451713 ID: f2c20c

>>451679
I think we might need to skip town, considering we just pissed off that guard for a second time. Besides, all this gold seems to be just begging to be spent on proper adventuring gear and travel expenses, so we can go out into the world at large and get some stories that don't include drakes and liches.

Maybe we can bring Clunker too, if the Drake doesn't want to keep him for food disposal.

On the other hand, we paid for a week of Muo's services. Surely there's more shenanigans to be had with her here?
>>
No. 451737 ID: 42c1c6

hmm, how to spend our considerable wealth.

Firstly, give a bit to your favourite kobolds. Bring a little back to the community right? Kobolds don't get a lot of cash and a few thousand could do wonders (or be a total disaster) for you tribe.

Build some nicer digs. You aren't an average kobold anymore, going home to a cave seems inappropriate.

Some nicer (non-servant) clothes, a musical instrument and someone to teach you to use it. Travelling gear, since going further abroad in search of more tales will be necessary. A small tribute for the drake (you might not wanna tell her that though).
>>
No. 451741 ID: 522afb

Taking girls with pretty skullfaces out on dates, obviously.
>>
No. 451744 ID: 6dfcb9

"Given how that last caper left me with a village full of lizardfolk calling for my head, I think I might take a vacation!"

Specifically, there might be something to be said for going somewhere really exotic. Might need another disguise for it, but what about taking a trip to the nearest human city? Pick up some stories from people who consider everyone you know to be a big scary monster. That could be an interesting way to let the heat die down.
>>
No. 451745 ID: 0315bb

Well it's not like we need anything. Better to hold onto it for now, or invest it profitably if we see an opportunity.
>>
No. 451755 ID: a91a24

>>451679
Something to show the bolds back at home just how great you really are!

Really though, since kobolds with money seem to have bulls-eyes on them in the eyes of the cavern dwellers, perhaps we should think on a small scale for now. A little money here and there to re-enforce your status as Kind of a Big Deal back at home.

To start: Make your home more of a home! Nicer bedding.. maybe walls and a door?
>>
No. 451819 ID: b33427

First, you're going to get a real sturdy strongbox to keep it in. Then you're going to put it under an illusion so nobody tries to get it. You just happen to know of a real good dragon illusion that you're sure the owner of wouldn't mind sharing, for a bit of coin. You also were going to help her think up something to do all day, as well.

After that, you'll get some good quality sturdy clothes, and some stylin' bardic ones. Maybe look into getting a musical instrument and lessons in playing it.

Ah, there's also the small matter of a village full of lizard-folk that are out for your blood. You'd best be on your way back to the kobold village to warn them, 'cause the first place the lizards are going to head looking for you is there. Even though your village doesn't like you much, they don't deserve to get run over by lizards on the warpath. You also need to pick up your stuff, including the coin you hid, before you lay low or head out on adventure.
>>
No. 451863 ID: 42c1c6

Maybe what we need is a few trustworthy guards? They know you are a kobold so they might come looking (or at least the one who's manhood you stole). You've got a gnoll already, maybe we should hire him and one of those goblins to protect the village.

Don't take this as an indication we shouldn't still build a better place to live, buy regular and nice clothes, and a musical instrument. As well, now that I think about it, a stout bow, REAL arrows (not those twigs with rocks on the end most kobolds use), a steel blade appropriate to your size, and a real spear (again, not a stick with a sharp rock on it. A steel bladed one with a reinforced haft).
>>
No. 451865 ID: 1e7d43

>>451679
Condoms.
Just, like, a truckload of 'em.

Make that two truckloads. We want 'em to last the weekend.
>>
No. 451895 ID: 5e6f6f

"Buy you some cloths that don't make you look fat."
>>
No. 451901 ID: f2c20c

>>451895
She's said she doesn't care about appearances when in lich form. Her lizardwoman form is PLENTY nicely dressed.
>>
No. 451943 ID: 6cc859

>>451713
Yeah, funding some proper adventuring sounds perfect.
>>
No. 453102 ID: f09b71
File 134724041973.png - (87.07KB , 700x700 , 3-59.png )
453102

As much as I may like bolstering Lady Drake's hoard, it would be nice to look out for myself as well!

"Perhaps, a vacation! Especially since I may be hunted by those lizards after all of that. I do wish to visit some exotic location, so perhaps some travelling gear possibly to join Muo back to her home for some distance. Also, an instrument! I may also wish to upgrade my house. Not too much! Just enough to earn a title of, say, 'Kind Of A Big Deal'! Oh, perhaps I should get a good strongbox to hold this in, and a couple of guards for myself."
>"There is no need. I will act as your bank."
"Ah, thank you, Lady Zirkala! Then, perhaps some additional clothes, although I am set for armor. Ah, a bow and arrow!"
>"Do you even know how to use a bow?"
"I do not! But, I can learn!"
>"Yes, as usual, you may help yourself to any long rooms around here if you wish to use it as an archery range. You do not know how to use any melee weapons adequately either, do you?"
"Ah.. I can hold one without chopping off my own foot!"
>"That is about on par for your kind, but perhaps before and inbetween travels and tasks, you should practice your martial skills. If you are interested and are willing to pay gold back to me, I can have you trained well. I would recommend it, but given your life expectancy, I would not find it unreasonable if you are in too much of a hurry to run into lands where everyone wants to rob and kill you. And while I am asking, what sort of instrument do you want? I expect you do not know how to play any, as usual."
>>
No. 453106 ID: e3f578

>>453102
Well a lute is generally the standard for a bard but I dunno, I've always wanted to sock a bard in the face for his singing along with his acoustic tune which sounds much better than his own voice. A flute could be handy, a very beautiful instrument that substitutes annoying singing.

Ask her if anyone's ever tried to enchant a piece of wearable equipment with quickened learning?
>>
No. 453112 ID: 42e984

I dunno man, whats popular with the kids of civilized-ish races these days? As long as we are needing to learn to play we might as well pick something with broad appeal. The Lich pays enough attention to mortals to perhaps have a clue, and Muo is certainly well traveled already so ask them both.
>>
No. 453117 ID: 0c2247

>>453102
Ask her to teach you Create Instrument. It's a cantrip that lets you pull an instrument of your choosing out of thin air and have it vanish when you're done with it.
Great for style, and even better for not worrying about breaking or losing an instrument.
>>
No. 453119 ID: b7169d

Maybe more akin to a woodwind instrument, you know, a flute, reed, ocarina type.
>>
No. 453122 ID: b7169d

Maybe more akin to a woodwind instrument, you know, a flute, reed, ocarina type.
>>
No. 453168 ID: ecfcdc

Best to stay for training. A moutharp or harmonica is a real portable instrument.

A hurdy gurdy might be a fun choice too.
>>
No. 453172 ID: f2c20c

Definitely take her up on the martial training. You want to survive, don't you? You really really need to learn how to use that bow and more effectively dodge attacks and strike back in kind.

Even basic combat training raises your survivability by a significant amount.
>>
No. 453229 ID: 42c1c6

This isn't the normal choice for bards, because they aren't common, but I think a good violin would be a good choice.

We are a classier kind of bard, after all.
>>
No. 453231 ID: 105a2e

>>453229

I absolutely adore violins and agree with the sentiment.

We shall be the classiest Kobold to ever Ko the Bold.
>>
No. 453232 ID: c31f72

Another vote for Violin.
>>
No. 453234 ID: d6c330

>>453229
Yes, the Story Teller should get a violin as his weapon form, and we'll buy him the music skill as soon as we find a Shopkeep.
>>
No. 453247 ID: 085efe

fiddles are the best instrument. Become a fiddlerbold.
>>
No. 453254 ID: 54c7e5

>>453229
Violin, and bow? Sounds like a plan.
>>
No. 453265 ID: 4affc7

What about a pan flute?
>>
No. 453270 ID: 364fd8

Definitely take her up on the martial training, and violins are pretty neat.

Also, on the vacation angle, are there any halfling settlements around? Or gnomes? Odds are you'd have to be disguised, and the similar size would be helpful.
>>
No. 453351 ID: f2c20c

I'd like to note that our man here will be learning to play from beginner level. Violins sound AWFUL at beginner level. I strongly suggest that we get something easier to play, like a stringed or flute-like instrument.
>>
No. 453358 ID: f09b71
File 134731330136.png - (74.15KB , 700x700 , 3-60.png )
453358

"I don't suppose there are any cantrips for summoning instruments I could learn?"
>"No. Like I said, teaching you magic would take years."
"Then... a violin!"
>"... interesting choice. You may be able to find one sometime in your off hours. For now, study with Muo. I will go summon your teacher. Oh, and when you get a violin, please do not play it around me until you are remotely competent."
"Perhaps I will get another instrument as well, easier for beginners! Also, a summon?"
>"Yes. He used to be an old nemesis of mine, but now I call on him when I need more manpower. I was going to use him for my upcoming stunt, but I will call on him early. He could use the social practice anyhow, and you... well, I will be around to heal you."
"Thhhhhhank you!"
>>
No. 453360 ID: f09b71
File 134731331568.png - (111.44KB , 700x700 , 3-61.png )
453360

And so I go off with Muo into one of our studies, where she teaches me manners that are hopefully not made up!

>"Soooo, you don't know any magic?" She asks out of the blue.
"Nope. That isn't unusual though, right?"
>"I guess not! I guess I can only cast stuff through Tom. You know, he might actually be wi... oh, no, he's giving me the cut it out order. I think he prefers keeping a small number of followers to keep his magic from spreading then, which is why chaos followers are pretty strong, at least when he lets us be. Oh, he's telling me I'm talking too much again. I didn't think he would mind, he's got a soft spot for kobolds. Oh, he's threatening me. But you know, not every place in the world hates kobolds. I think if you really did want to learn magic, you could, even if it wasn't with Zirkala. It would take years, but you could be really powerful. I think after you finally manage to cast your first spell on your own, the rest of the magic becomes a lot easier, so it's just getting past that first hump. Zirkala seems so helpful to you, I'm surprised she didn't offer to teach you."
>>
No. 453361 ID: bf54a8

tell tom to relax, he's a cool guy but you aren't going to have a religious epiphany or anything.
>>
No. 453363 ID: f2c20c

She probably thinks you're going to die before she finishes teaching you. Or she just doesn't want to dedicate that much time on you for some other reason. Or she doesn't want any magical competition around.
>>
No. 453368 ID: 364fd8

Years of intensive magic study really don't seem like they'd suit you. It would be really great if you could pick up a couple tricks here and there. Either from a crash course, or maybe if you ask real nicely Tom can help you out? Not with any sort of full-on priest of chaos sort of deal. Just maybe hook you up some kinda charm? Work out some kind of favor-exchange system where you scratch his back, he polymorphs yours when the situation warrants it?
>>
No. 453370 ID: 1987d1

Well, magic is interesting and all, which is why I keep asking about it. But really, I'm out to be a story teller! I'm not sure I can settle down for years of study when there's so much out there to learn right now!

Thank you for the encouragement, though! Maybe it is something I'll try my hand at one day.
>>
No. 453387 ID: e3f578

>>453360
S'cool
Now how come no one's invented something to help people learn magic efficiently, like a necklaced of quick learning or raise IQ?
I mean hell, the world's invented so much great stuff with the magic, soul jars, fire swords, probably boats that can travel without wind, how come no practical everyday stuff? Make bank!
>>
No. 453388 ID: 42e984

"She would probably be willing, if I had the time and dedication for such study. But us kobolds only get so many years to do things, and there is much more I want to do. What magic I will have at my disposal must be gifts of item and ally. Maaaybe a god could grant some as a boon, but I don't think it's really my style. No offense to any gods who may or may not be listening in."

>>453368
As long as we have Muo as an ally we'll be under his good graces, for good and ill. He'll do things for us, and those things will be subverted as to amuse him.
>>
No. 453667 ID: f09b71
File 134740542629.png - (75.74KB , 700x700 , 3-62.png )
453667

"I don't believe that years of study would suit me well! And, no offense to any present company, I would have to decline any placing myself under deities for the same reasons. Perhaps a charm?"
>"I'm sorry, Tom is more of an all or nothing sort of fellow."
"Well then! I must ask, aren't there things like necklaces or charms of increasing intelligence to help with spell magic?"
>"Oh, uh... I don't know! I mean, there are those things, yes. But I haven't heard of them being used for... oh, Tom is telling me that that is a good idea, you should try that."
"Then I may keep it in mind! But that would still be in a far off future, and for now, any magic I use will be through items, scrolls, allies and so on!"

Muo teaches me some more, before I hear some metal scraping down the hallway. We listen as it just gets closer, but we don't speak before a voice comes booming through the door to us.

>"I hear there's some runt that needs to learn how to fight better! Get outta that tiny room, let me see what I'm workin' with!"

Ah, that must be my teacher!
>>
No. 453668 ID: f09b71
File 134740544740.png - (133.08KB , 700x700 , 3-63.png )
453668

>".... now Zirkala's just fuckin' with me. Thought I mighta had a a chance for a decent sparrin' partner."
>>
No. 453670 ID: 4a328b

Stab him in the abs
>>
No. 453671 ID: f2c20c

>>453668
Yeah, I'm afraid we won't be able to give him a challenge at all. Say you're sorry to disappoint him.

Also ask what he is exactly, aside from very large- a werewolf perhaps?
>>
No. 453673 ID: 364fd8

Well, let's not pre-judge on appearances here! Obviously someone of your size is going to want to stick with a dancier fencing style, maybe he's just here to show you how to dodge attacks from someone 10 times your size! Or hey, maybe he's surprisingly nimble. You never know.
>>
No. 453675 ID: 06ee8f

sup Huge McLargeguts
>>
No. 453681 ID: f09b71
File 134740855483.png - (99.02KB , 700x700 , 3-64.png )
453681

Unfortunately for the undoubtedly great idea of stabbing him in the abs, I am not armed at the moment!

"I am sorry to disappoint, since I don't believe I would be much of a challenge with all honesty! May I ask what, exactly, you are? A werewolf?"
>"Werewolf gnoll fire elemental. Don't touch me unless you wanna catch fire. Gonna assume you're not as fancy with your footwork as you are with your words. What are ya, some kind of bard?"
"Yes! At least, I aspire to be! My name is Story Seeker! And I do expect that I would be more of a fencer, making use of learned footwork!"
>"Fucking shitting me. Hate bards. Not like I'd go easy on you anyway. Looks like dodgin's gonna be your only chance. A shield'll just get yourself knocked on your ass, and ya may as well try to parry a hammer with a toothpick. The name's Ralex. Use to be known as the Fire Plague in more than a couple kingdoms, but not any more. Zirkala beat me fair an' square, so if she wants you to be able to defend yourself, then you're gonna be the best goddamn runt swordsman around by the time I'm through with you. Or dainty fencer if that's your tea and biscuits. Any questions?"
>>
No. 453683 ID: f2c20c

>>453681
When will the lessons start, what will they consist of, and how long will they last?
>>
No. 453688 ID: 4a328b

>>453681
Do we need to provide our own equipment? If so, uh, what do we need?
>>
No. 453692 ID: e3f578

"Does the pope shit in the woods?"
>>
No. 453697 ID: f09b71
File 134741087678.png - (143.60KB , 700x700 , 3-65.png )
453697

>>453692
I do not know what a pope is, nor do I know why I would ever ask such a thing!

"When will the lessons start?"
>"When you're not eatin', sleeping, frolicking with that naked girl in there or playin' some bardy instrument, you're gonna be with me. I ain't your mother, so I'm not gonna look over your shoulder bein' your personal agenda."
"Annnd, what will they consist of?"
>"You tryin' to live. And maybe someday you can manage to get a decent attack in."
"And how long will they last?"
>"Till we run outta healing magic, till we run outta stamina rejuvination potions, or till I say so!"
"And, do I provide my own equipment?"
>"Hell if I know, ask Zirkala. I'm sure not gonna get your what ya need, so get and bring what you want. On second thought though, ya may want a shield after all. And for fuck's sake you better not show up in that dress."

Which leads to a good question! I will certainly bring a lightweight sword, a shield and my magic armor, but I must think of what else I may wish for!
>>
No. 453698 ID: 0c2247

>>453697
What? No. You bring your sword and nothing else. Fighting naked will give you a damn good reason not to slack off on your defense.
>>
No. 453700 ID: f2c20c

...are you actually wearing a dress?

I'd suggest headgear of some sort but it would be good if you got a horn broken, so headgear would be counterproductive for advancing your manliness. I fully expect that you WILL get a horn broken during this training, but don't mention it to him; that complicates the issue.

You could try bringing a fake instrument, just so you have practice maneuvering in combat with it. The extra weight could throw you off otherwise once you start carrying it around, and you need to learn how to maneuver without breaking it. The fake instrument should be as inexpensive as possible, since it'll probably get broken.

Come to think of it maybe you shouldn't carry around a violin, since those are so easy to break. A flute can be made out of metal, so that's much more sturdy. Or maybe you could carry around the violin in a reinforced case? That would solve that issue.
>>
No. 453701 ID: e3f578

It's just a saying no one understands that means yes. Yes, you have questions.
I believe pope is another word for bear.
Might want a crossbow, a club, brass knuckles and a bad attitude!
>>
No. 453703 ID: ecfcdc

Training in normal gear is fine, but if we could get heavier armor, or perhaps just some chains, to weigh us down while fighting, that might help us build muscle faster.

On the other hand, let's not start out that way since I reckon we don't need a handicap against this guy.
>>
No. 453704 ID: f2c20c

Oh right, we were also going to train with the bow. I imagine he might have input there. Ask him about archery.
>>
No. 453707 ID: 1987d1

> I must think of what else I may wish for!
Wish for?

Magic accessories. Boots or speed or running. Rings of nimbleness, dodging, dexterity, etc. Anything to increase your speed and odds of dodging attacks.

Although, since this training is all about building up your natural abilities, trying to get through it with gear kind of defeats the purpose.
>>
No. 453718 ID: 364fd8

Yeah, train with the stuff you have for now, you can add or remove a few things later if you're really getting beaten to a pulp or start doing well and need more of a challenge.

I would, however, suggest getting something to protect your feet. Don't want to suddenly stomp on a rock while dodging all over. May also want to look into strapping something spiky to your tail, either to improvise lashing around or just to discourage him from grabbing it.
>>
No. 453796 ID: 18c625

For some strange reason I am compelled to go against learning how to fence properly and just go for being skilled with a longsword (long for us that is)

Something about fencing doesn't mix well with violins for me.
>>
No. 453800 ID: 1987d1

>Something about fencing doesn't mix well with violins for me.

Obviously we just want to weaponize the violin itself. Forget sword-staffs, we'll get a blade-bow.

http://tinyurl.com/bplo6p9
>>
No. 453809 ID: 42c1c6

As cool as all that is, we are a classier kind of bard so using your bow to hack things up is kinda bad. Certainly don't bring the violin we don't yet own to combat training, that's just asking to get it broken.

Bring water. Bring lots and lots of water. Touching this guy is gonna singe and we are gonna end up touching him.
>>
No. 453819 ID: 6c7463

>I must think of what else I may wish for!
I want to say a magically protective cloak. What kind of protection should include making us harder to hit and harder hurt, and maybe some resistance to the elements and magic. Or at least some resistance to fire. Or whatever she can do for us, as long as it isn't so heavy as to slow us down it'll be a bonus.

>>453800
As neat and fancy as that sounds, if we come at him with that he'll smash us to a pulp just on principle. I won't blame him for it, either. Let's keep our weapons serious and our instruments out of melee.
>>
No. 453828 ID: f09b71
File 134743302608.png - (83.77KB , 700x700 , 3-66.png )
453828

>Are you actually wearing a dress?
Certainly not! I am thinking that Ralex may think that anything that isn't armor is a dress.

"Oh, I was also planning on bringing a bow! Could you teach me how to use that?"
>"Yeah. A real weak guy's tool, but even I can't deny they're damn good. Specially for little guys like you."
"Alright, but for now I was in the middle of a lesson with Muo, so I wish you goodbye until I locate you for training!"
>"Yeah."

>Fight naked
I think I will side with my other thought that I do not need any negative handicaps against this monster! But also with no positive bonuses, so I will pass any magical aids other than the mentioned healing, although I may keep an eye out regardless in any magic shops!

Although I must buy this, I will be sure to go shopping for many things to see what costs what! For now, it is food lessons with Muo. I do wish more valuable lessons in life were learned through doing effectively nothing but eating and drinking!
>>
No. 453829 ID: f09b71
File 134743320315.png - (141.08KB , 700x700 , 3-67.png )
453829

After learning more arbitrary manners Muo keeps insisting are important in some upper societies, I set out for the commons after getting my gold! I give a greeting to the Drake along the way, and retrieve Clunker for some protection in the commons.

>"Alrighty kid, let's spend some'a that gold ya got. How're ya doin' anyway?"
"I am faring well, and how have you been, under the drake?"
>"Best lovable job I ever had. Goblins brought a whole feast! Gonna get fat if I don't watch myself."

We search for a couple of hours, leading to the discovery of prices for many things. Although I have been told things like armor and weapons are dependent on how well raids and banditry jobs have gone, and since those vary so much, prices may flip drastically from day to day.

After I paid the drake back, and after those earlier expenses in the commons and expenses for a week of training, I now have 3900 gold. Zirkala technically exchanges it to give me 30 pieces of platinum and 900 gold, but I will refer to most things as all gp as a token of my appreciation to all things simple! The training was expensive! I believe that Zirkala is charging me for the extra cost for summoning Ralex so early. Perhaps it costs a steady stream of valuables? Either way, I expect it to be worth it!

However, I remind myself that I am putting 2,000 aside for Muo. Although then again, I do plan on getting the extra 1,000 for the week long disease, and so may only need to set aside 1,000 for now, minus anything I plan on donating to the drake!

Current GP: 3900
Iron Longsword (Long for a kobold) - 120 gp
Rapier - 600 GP
Small Shield (Wooden) - 20 gp
Small Shield (Copper) - 200 gp
Silver Flute - 100 gp
Violin - 200 gp
Tiny Crossbow - 200 gp
Bolts - 2 gp per
Training Bolt - 1 gp per

Magic Ring of Moderate Stamina - 900g
Cloak of Fire Protection - 1600 gp

Custom Orders:
Spiked Tail Bands - 200 GP
Kobold Copper Helm - 150 gp
Kobold Copper Greaves - 150 gp
Plain Kobold Sized Shoes - 50 gp


For being the third richest kobold Zirkala has ever seen, it seems that only a few magic items plus perhaps a full set of armor would clean me out!
>>
No. 453831 ID: ab701f

You should get an actual nice frilly dress to show Ralex that you're not afraid of him and show him that a real man can fight in a dress.
>>
No. 453834 ID: 886a4d

Must have
--
Muo - 1900 (do this in case of shenannigans that cause you to lose the bet, if need be you can resell something though you will lose money)
Cloak of Fire Protection - 1600 (If you want to survive training)

Total 3500

For training
--
Iron Longsword - 160
Tiny Crossbow - 200
Small Shield - 20
20 x Training Bolts - 20 (try to reuse these if possible)

Total 400 gold
--

After the week is done and you've won that bet you should buy:

Spiked Tail Bands - 200
Copper Shield - 200
40 x Crossbow Bolts - 80
Muo - 100

Total: 580
---

Which leaves 420 for travelling expenses... not great but I'm sure you'll be able to make this trip profitable as long as you survive.
>>
No. 453838 ID: 6c7463

>>453829
Things to get:

>Violin - 200 gp
First things first. Make sure its nice and sturdy.

>Rapier - 600 GP
Let's go with the rapier, it's a better fit for your abilities. It rewards speed over strength compared to the longsword, and has the benefit of style. (800 gp total)

>Tiny Crossbow - 200 gp
>Bolts - 2 gp per
>Training Bolt - 1 gp per
Ranged weapons are good, but even buying training ammo can get expensive. To mollify that let's do target practice against big stacks of hay that we can recover ammo from. Get 50 of each kind. (350 gp, 1150 gp total)

>Small Shield (Copper) - 200 gp
>Spiked Tail Bands - 200 GP
>Kobold Copper Helm - 150 gp
>Kobold Copper Greaves - 150 gp
>Plain Kobold Sized Shoes - 50 gp
A full set of armor is a good idea. Maybe we can have them fancied up a bit? Not sure how effective those tail spikes are, but we should press every advantage! (750 gp, 1900 gp total)

That leaves an even 2000 gp, in case unforeseen sexual shenanigans somehow occur. If they do not we can spend the extra grand, but we don't need to yet so why risk it?

Thoughts on other items:

>Silver Flute - 100 gp
I know we choose the violin, but do those kobold lips even allow for wind instruments?

>Magic Ring of Moderate Stamina - 900g
What does this do, exactly? Make it so you can take harder hits? Probably not worth it just yet but if we get the extra 1000 we could come back for it.

>Cloak of Fire Protection - 1600 gp
Eesh... I can't justify that expense yet. We're not supposed to be getting hit anyway, so we'll just have to live with a few burns.
>>
No. 453839 ID: 6cc859

>>453834
He can do without the cloak, since fire should only be a problem on flesh-to-flesh contact anyway.
>>
No. 453840 ID: 364fd8

>>453835

I agree with nearly every word of this, but the ring might be worth snatching up immediately, depending what it does. The week's almost up, and I don't forsee a sudden loss of willpower at this point.
>>
No. 453842 ID: f2c20c

>>453829
>drake
DUDE NO. Please tell me Clunker knew already.

Shopping:
120g Longsword
200g Crossbow
40g Boltsx20
20g T.Boltsx20 (we can reuse these, so 20 is plenty)
200g Copper shield
100g flute (seriously, don't try for a violin right off the bat, it will be horrible and everyone will hate you)
150g greaves (will train your leg muscles!)
50g shoes

total: 880g

Are those tail bands actually worth having? They sound more ornamental than functional, being spiked bands.

Don't get the fire cloak- suffering burns during training will toughen you up, and it doesn't seem like it would be useful that often in general adventuring. Same with the stamina ring, although THAT might be useful after training is over.

Do they have any strength-boosting magical items here? That would also be useful for when we leave. Also after training is over and you've broken one or more horns, buy a helmet.
>>
No. 453845 ID: 6cc859

>>453842
Rapier, not longsword. And you do get a violin right off the bat because that's the only way to learn to play a violin.

Why is everyone recommending we buy armor when we already have magic armor?
>>
No. 453846 ID: f2c20c

Oh, and let me explain why I chose the longsword over the rapier-
Rapiers weren't used in the military. It was an artful, but weak weapon used by civilians for dueling mainly, but also self defense. Against any foe that we seek to kill rather than just fend off, the longsword would be much better. As a side bonus, it's also much cheaper!
>>
No. 453853 ID: ecfcdc

Get the fiddle and the blade, they're the two most important things. A rapier is a duelist's weapon, you may well encounter real combat against people in armor, so go for the longsword. The fact that it's cheaper is only gravy.

As for the rest, get fully outfitted in armor. We'll want to train with full armor so we're used to it, though you should also do some naked training too just in case you need to do naked fighting in the future. You are a bard, after all.
Pick up the crossbow and a full quiver each of training and fighting bolts. We only need one quiver of each because you'll easily be able to retrieve all your training bolts, and with luck you'll be able to retrieve most of your fighting bolts each time too.
You ought to set aside the 2000 to pay Muo, because even though you expect to get that extra 1000, it's not guaranteed until you've got it. That leaves enough for the ring of stamina if we want it, which could be okay but it's not really mandatory. It does have a substantial benefit that we'd be able to train for longer, but on the other hand we want to raise our stamina too, and artificially boosting that is likely to reduce the rate at which we can improve.
The cloak is beyond out budget, but it's a bad idea anyway because if we use magic as a crutch like that we're never going to develop natural fire resistance.

>>453845
We have armor, but it's only partial. Our extremities are yet unarmored.
>>
No. 453855 ID: 6c7463

>>453853
>A rapier is a duelist's weapon, you may well encounter real combat against people in armor, so go for the longsword.
A far point, but both have their advantages in different situations. How about we get both? We can pass on the tail spikes so we'll still have 2080 remaining.
>>
No. 453866 ID: 5506a3

>>453829
Thing to consider: Lady Drake's worshippers have seen Clunker guarding the cave entrance. Some may see you with him now.

For the longsword/rapier issue.. get the longsword for now. You may very well end up learning how to deal with a broken weapon with your current trainer. Who's to say he won't cost you a fortune in repairs and replacements? It's doubtful he'd care about such a thing.
>>
No. 453873 ID: 886a4d

Errr we don't need armor, we already have a set. The only thing we don't have is shoes and armor for our tail.
>>
No. 453934 ID: 42c1c6

We shouldn't get more armor because we are a fast moving dodger. More armor will just weigh us down. Plus it's copper. Screw copper.

Definitely get the violin. Hard or no, we aren't going to magically be skilled in music, ever. Also, a flue is untenable. We need to be able to speak as we play, we are story seeker after all, not music player.

I'd say get the rapier. Not just cause it matches us better, but because it's stylish. I'd prefer a small steel wakizashi to either (short blades are best for the little guys), but we work with what we've got.

Get the ring. I know it's expensive but more stamina will help us when we are in trouble and when we are in bed.
>>
No. 454046 ID: f09b71
File 134750142657.png - (75.49KB , 700x700 , 3-68.png )
454046

I will purchase a copper shield, but forego any other armor for now! I have gone shoeless for so long, I do not think I am in any danger of stubbing my toes so carelessly anyways. I will purchase more extremities when I feel like I can afford to be slowed down for training sakes!

Both a violin and flute are purchased as well, along with cases for both.

I get one crossbow, 20 bolts and 20 training bolts which should be able to be reused. And I will pass on a rapier for the moment, in favor of the tried and true longsword.

With that, I have... 3,020 remaining.... I think I will get armor after all! Shoes and greaves and a helm, leaving me with 2,670, enough to leave with Muo and have some traveling expenses myself, especially if I can pull off the extra 1,000 gp! I will see if the ring is still around after the 1,000 bonus.

>You mentioned drake!
Uhhhhhhhh ohhhhhh. Well, uh, he doesn't appear to have noticed anything when I did say it! Perhaps he did know already? On the other hand, he may have just assumed I said dragon, so I can't simply ask him!
>>
No. 454049 ID: 4a328b

Just watch yourself in the future! A bard may learn many secrets, but it's moot if he just goes around spilling them willy-nilly!
>>
No. 454055 ID: f2c20c

>>454044
We've seen him to be rather observant before. He probably noticed. Whether he thought anything of it, on the other hand... Actually, considering how observant he is, he may have figured out that the drake's a drake. I mean, he has to have realized by now that he's eating most of the dragon's food, so it wouldn't make sense for a dragon to survive on the amount she eats.

We could be subtle and ask how the dragon is doing. We asked how he was doing, but not her.
>>
No. 454061 ID: e3f578

>>454046
Maybe he doesn't know the difference between a dragon and a drake. He isn't educated, at least I don't think he would have read a bestiary or a dictionary. They sound pretty similar, a drake may be slang for dragon for all he knows.
>>
No. 454065 ID: b54048

Go around the issue, ask him what he thinks of his employer on a personal level. Or at least, beyond the eating part. He isn't one to at least not drop a hint as to the truth. Or we can just ask her ourselves if she let him know.

Anyway if that's all then we should be off. How much of this week long prohibition is left, anyway?
>>
No. 454079 ID: b33427

How about suggesting to Clunker that he hire his own assistants in exchange for food, to avoid getting fat. With the amount of grub that's coming in, he could probably get an entire band of scruffy goons in to do the dragon's errands, while he manages them.
>>
No. 454105 ID: 1987d1

>>454055
I'm more than willing to bet Clunker's figured it out on his own. (At the very least he's smart enough to have noticed the drakon doesn't eat as much as she should).

He's also plenty clever enough not to go messing up his meal ticket.

...so what ever happened to pranking all the other indigenous cave races? We not messing with the slimes, golbins, 'bolds, ect. after all? Was the lizard mission enough?
>>
No. 454121 ID: 42c1c6

Good on the gear, but I should point out that a bow is about 5 times deadlier than a crossbow, and we should look into getting a decent one. Crossbows have that one shot and you are done problem.

As for the deception, don't even bother. The only way it can go bad is if he starts blabbing to everyone that it's only a drake, and I don't see that happening.
>>
No. 454144 ID: 67e689

>>454121
Well, considering that our bard here is not the strongest in the world, while he could use a bow, he probably wouldn't be doing much damage with it. However, anyone can use a crossbow, of any size, so despite the fact that they take a bit to reload, he would be able to use it and still have an effective ranged weapon.
>>
No. 454145 ID: f09b71
File 134753144023.png - (64.29KB , 700x700 , 3-69.png )
454145

>Look into getting a bow
Perhaps eventually when my agenda is not so filled! While there are certainly advantages to a bow, it requires far more training than the simplicity of a crossbow.

>What happened to pranking all the other cave races
Hm... I may need to ask Zirkala about that, I had forgotten entirely!

"So, Clunker! Tell me, what do you think of Lady Dragon?"
>"Oh, ya know. Gives me food, an' that's what it comes down to. Real mean words, but a darling otherwise. Acts all large, but deep down, she got the personality of somethin' tiny."
"You don't say."
>"Yeh. Real protective of her hoard. Never even let me so much as look too hard at it. Preeetty weird considerin' she's always all giddy when other people compliment her on her hoard. Kinda funny. She don't eat much either. Tells me she's not some dragon that needs much food at all, but that ain't like any dragon I've ever known 'bout. Get what I'm sayin'?"
>>
No. 454146 ID: f2c20c

Clunker's a smart fellow indeed. Tell him to keep it quiet, for the sake of his cushy job, if not his life.
>>
No. 454149 ID: 4a328b

>>454145
Clunker's p. smart.
>>
No. 454164 ID: f09b71
File 134753346036.png - (110.71KB , 700x700 , 3-70.png )
454164

"Yes, I do believe I get what you are saying, Clunker! Perhaps we should change our conversational venue?"
>"S'cool, sure."

He keeps on guarding my body as we return to the vicinity of the lich's territory, where he turns to head back to the Drake.

>"Welp, I got me some important duties I've gotsta munch on, if ya catch my drift. Have fun with whatever yer doin' with all that armor."
"Goodbye, Clunker! Oh, and you may want to hire your own assistants if there is too much food!"
>"Neh. Ain't gonna share, an' the dragon never did sound too keen on havin' too much friendly company at one time. Ya should come by sometime yerself, though."
"Certainly!"
>>
No. 454165 ID: 364fd8

"Maybe she just doesn't want to outgrow her cave too soon."

Anyway yeah, looking into further pranking plans isn't a bad idea. Nice to have excuses ready for when training gets too tough, and hey, maybe you can multitask.
>>
No. 454166 ID: f09b71
File 134753346843.png - (116.14KB , 700x700 , 3-71.png )
454166

And with that, I run to greet the lich, asking of her about the other errands!

>How long as passed on the week long trial?
This is the second day, and it is getting quite late in the day!

"Hello again, Zirkala! I am wondering, were there not more tasks that needed to be done with the other races of these caverns?"
>"Ah, you remembered. Yes, I was content to do the rest of them myself, but if you insist, you may perform tasks. The lizards were the most dangerous, so the others will not be as valuable, aside from your own kind. Nevertheless, I will pay 1,000 if you choose to find the ghouls in the kobold village, due to the chance that you may be ostrocized even further. Slimes are 500 gold, and goblins will be 800 gold. Remember that you did the lizard errand in exceptional time, and any of the others could be far more involved, so don't assume that these tasks will just take a few hours out of your day.
>>
No. 454167 ID: 364fd8

Finding tattoos on slimes seems like it'd be the easiest thing in the world to do, and you're taking Muo back that way anyway aren't you?
>>
No. 454168 ID: 4a328b

We should probably get some lessons in before we go off on more adventures, since he's already summoned and everything.
>>
No. 454170 ID: 8042f4

>>454166
The images have the prices for kobold and goblin mixed up.

Slimes sound like the easy choice here. (I think we should never do the kobold one, for some reason I just don't like it)
>>
No. 454181 ID: f09b71
File 134753536215.png - (124.79KB , 700x700 , 3-72.png )
454181

>Price mixup
I have rearranged my mental image accordingly!

"It sounds as though finding a tattoo on a slime would be very easy, am I correct? I may go bring Muo there anyways!"
>"You are correct, but a slime would absorb any ink over time, and so they are marked differently. The slimes, therefore, were handled quite differently. All three of them are the exact same mass as each other. Some slimes are set sizes, some are not, so the ghoul's inability to change sizes is not enough. You must find three slimes that are both all the same size as each other and cannot change their mass, even if they appear to ingest water. This method is flawed at its core, but I did not plan on losing my connection with the ghouls. Do you understand, and still wish to take this errand?"
>>
No. 454204 ID: e3f578

You're friends wouldn't be ghouls right? Please don't tell me they are consistent with any of the ghoul descriptives?
You haven't even been horrifically dominated by Sili or had a threesome/play wingman with Reed yet! Hell, if Reed is a ghoul, your abstract decision complex's first meeting with him will not be on pleasant terms and he looks like a cool bro.
Life is so short and you have wonderful things to do with people!
>>
No. 454242 ID: b54048

>>454181
Hmm I dunno, would Muo have an easier time identifying them? I don't much see a way to test for it ourselves unless we flood the place and see who bloats.

The kobolds have the problem of being too close to home, and the goblins have the problem of being honry bastards that would cure that disease too early.

I say we stay here and train, unless Muo is very confident that she can sniff out the ghouls. Maybe she can have a different kind of job for us later.
>>
No. 454246 ID: 1987d1

You know, I'm not sure we can really afford to be associated with trouble in our own village, or the mysterious death of 3 'bolds. Besides, with our luck, the ghouls will all end up being people we know.
>>
No. 454261 ID: f09b71
File 134755659408.png - (178.24KB , 700x700 , 3-73.png )
454261

"I think, Zirkala, that I will stick around and train!"
>"So be it. Ralex is in the barracks down the hall. Have fun."
"Thank you."

And so is it! I suit up for fighting, and show up to training.

"Hello, Calex! Are you around? I am ready --"
>>
No. 454262 ID: f09b71
File 134755663874.png - (99.37KB , 700x700 , 3-74.png )
454262

BAMF

>"Doesn't look like it."
>>
No. 454263 ID: 4a328b

Fair point! Equipped but not prepared, shall we say.
>>
No. 454265 ID: 1987d1

...perhaps not.

Lesson 1: Your opponent isn't always going to give you a warning.
Lesson 2: Doors and corners are dangerous. You can be jumped when you go through or around one.
>>
No. 454267 ID: 0f92d5

lesson 3: a person who is going to attack without warning, is not going to wait until you recover. Do not reflect long, get ready.
>>
No. 454270 ID: b54048

"Will there be actual lessons, or will you simply be beating me up? Because getting knocked out for the day doesn't sound like a very long lesson!"

Quip as you pull your sword and try to be some kind of a threat.
>>
No. 454273 ID: 085efe

>>454265
I think SS should learn to adventure and train like he's in dark souls.

When you approach any corner or doorway, be careful, and on the lookout for threats

When you enter a new area like a room, the outside, or anywhere else you couldn't see before, immediately assess the area for threats, potential ambush points and defensive points that you can both use, and that be used against you.

Never let down your guard until you KNOW there are no threats around. Always be ready to either block or dodge, and always have a safe direction you can dodge firmly in mind. Do not wait until trouble has already come up to decide how you would handle it. That's the path towards jumping of a cliff to avoid an attack.

When you first encounter an opponent, stay defensive until you learn how they fight well enough to safely attack
>>
No. 454338 ID: f09b71
File 134757804940.png - (166.92KB , 700x700 , 3-75.png )
454338

"Uh, are there going to be actual lessons, or will you simply be beating me up?!"
>"The beating is the warmup, kobold! I don't care how much gold you gave Zirkala, you have to fight me to earn your lessons!"
>>
No. 454339 ID: f09b71
File 134757806746.png - (111.78KB , 700x700 , 3-76.png )
454339

8 hours later, back at the study...
Well that sure was a long time.

>"Uhh, are you sure you don't want me to heal you?" Muo asks.
"Nahhh, he said something about training? Building character or something, so he wouldn't heal me after the last fight. He said he'd give me lessons, but he mostly just beat me up while telling me what to do! I got pretty good at dodging at least, and he did offer some good pointers!"
>"Aren't you in pain?"
"Excruciatingly so!"
>"Did you get a single hit on him?"
"Not once!"
>>
No. 454341 ID: f2c20c

You're never gonna break a horn if you keep wearing that helmet during training.

Now would be a good time to practice learning your instrument.
>>
No. 454342 ID: 61d996

Wow, harsh. I suppose it has some merit in a limited time frame though. I would hope that we at least get patched up enough to be fighting fit for the next lesson. As for attacking, it may be a good idea to attack his hands and arms directly instead of trying to get past them. It's a valid technique against the pugilist sort.

...How dd you get a black eye through the helmet? Did he punch it off of you?
>>
No. 454343 ID: ecfcdc

Excellent, your training is going well for the first session. Next you need to work on avoiding some of those blows.
>>
No. 454351 ID: 4a328b

Haha, don't expect to land any hits any time soon unless you get better at dodging.
>>
No. 454352 ID: bf54a8

>>454342
probably agrees that healing before a fight is okay, but you gotta take your licks not just heal them as soon as you get them.

this is actually a lesson as well, being able to deal with and ignore pain will let you fight longer then the other guy.
>>
No. 454353 ID: 364fd8

Yeah... cycling your lessons is probably better for your health. Try some etiquette, some playing, some fighting... when it gets to be too much, road trip time.

Also, you should pick Muo's brain some on the whole slime ghoul bit.
>>
No. 454358 ID: 1987d1

The real thing to wonder here is if there's any kind of training that doesn't involve getting hit in the face repeatedly. So far etiquette and dodging seem to consist of trying to avoid the same thing!
>>
No. 454360 ID: f09b71
File 134758192543.png - (86.42KB , 700x700 , 3-77.png )
454360

>You'll never lose your horns if you keep wearing that helmet!
I rather like my horns!

>How did you get a black eye through the helmet
I... don't remember! After an hour or so, everything started becoming a daze. Perhaps I should sleep on it, he kept my long into the night. Wait, I think I remember something about that....

SOK!

Right, he did punch it off of me! The sound is still fresh in my mind, actually. Really smarted, too. That hit is probably why I can't remember it too well!
>>
No. 454361 ID: f09b71
File 134758196235.png - (120.11KB , 700x700 , 3-78.png )
454361

Then he, uh, ate it? Am I remembering that right?
>>
No. 454363 ID: f09b71
File 134758213628.png - (136.06KB , 700x700 , 3-79.png )
454363

Yes, followed by chewing it up and spitting molten copper at me! That took a couple healing scrolls, there. It was all less than graceful, to make an understatement!

>You're going to lose your horns!
Uh oh.

Regardless! I think I will cycle through training. Manners, music, and fighting. However, there may be something I'm forgetting to do during the week! I will pry Muo's knowledge of the slimes should I change my mind and head there.
>>
No. 454365 ID: e3f578

>>454363
Well, at least Sili will like your soon-to-be-broken horns then. Maybe this training is the type of safe danger she's into, because I don't think your teacher will purposefully kill you at least. You might want some pointers from her too. She has to know some things.
>>
No. 454366 ID: f2c20c

>>454363
You might want to check your friends for tattoos, just so you know if they're gonna die or not.
>>
No. 454416 ID: 61d996

>>454362
Oy, destruction of items wasn't part of the deal. I wonder if we can get compensation... well just as long as he doesn't eat the rest of our stuff we should be ok on that end. The helm probably makes dodging harder anyway.

If you're going to be traveling with Muo, perhaps some lessons on etiquette can be delayed until later? It isn't like you'll have this fire gnoll hanging around with you to train with.

>>454366
Why? Isn't like we're going to save them or anything.
>>
No. 454443 ID: 5506a3

>>454363
That thing isn't a teacher. It's a barely restrained psychopath. It doesn't matter how good a teacher he could be, if he rings your bell so hard you can't remember half of it.

You might as well tell the Lich that bringing him in was a mistake. You need someone more.. natural, to learn the BASICS from first.
>>
No. 454461 ID: f2c20c

>>454416
>won't be saving our friends
It will soften the blow. Plus, we can maybe say goodbye.
>>
No. 454598 ID: f09b71
File 134766015990.png - (76.50KB , 700x700 , 3-80.png )
454598

That helm did cost me, actually! I take a visit to Zirkala.

"Hello, Lady Zirkala! I have lost my helm, that Ralex person chewed it up and spit it back out at me!"
>"Yes, he does enjoy throwing some flare in a fight. No pun intended."
"Well, you see..."
>"Yes, fine, you may have your helm, but I will not replace it twice. Take a chance with it, or leave it behind for when you hopefully aren't fighting fire elementals."
"Thank you! Also, it is my concern that this person is, ah... well, I don't want to be crass by saying that he is a barely restrained psychopath, but..."
>"What? Crass? Those are the nicest words I've ever heard about him. He won't kill you, but he's a ravenous monster. I didn't defeat him because I've got a heart of gold, but I certainly did the world a big favor. Nonetheless, if you can even almost defend yourself against him, I think you'll be able to handle a bandit or two on the overroads."
"True as that may be, I am concerned that he expects me to know the basics of combat, when in fact I feel there are fundamentals I should be knowing."
>"Hm... that is a fair point. I suggest you still train with Ralex, as I have firsthand experience knowing that however questionable his methods are, the people who training under him were exceptional. Nonetheless, perhaps they did have formal studies beforehand? Well, you have time. I can teach you for a more modest sum, as those skeletal guardsman you've been passing on your way in could teach you. That, or you can find someone else or practice on your own. Another concern of mine is that a week is not long at all. If you insist on travelling with Muo, I may ask if she would stick around for a few weeks longer until I get some task for you to do on your way to Muo's home. I will handle that, though, for now, you concentrate on your studies."

Sili may actually be willing to teach me the basics in this regard. On the other hand, she is a trapper, and, well, us kobolds aren't known to be the highest prowess of fighting, so I do wonder if that is the best choice. Although I am tempted to see who are the ghouls, as while I may not like knowing it, I would like to say a proper goodbye!
>>
No. 454601 ID: 4a328b

Sili might get you losing your 1000 gold disease, too, if you go for lessons this week. Still, I think she'd be a good person to learn from, if for learning a variety of fighting methods, if nothing else.
>>
No. 454634 ID: f2c20c

>>454598
I think we should take the offer of basic training from the lich, and talk to Muo about her itinerary. If she doesn't mind staying an extra week, then let's do so.
>>
No. 454639 ID: 1987d1

>Sili might get you losing your 1000 gold disease
I don't think there's any immediate risk of that! SS would have to work pretty hard to bed Sili at this point. Well, unless people beaten up by fire elementals are her secret fetish.

I'd say we should accept the skeleton basic training, and talk to Muo. She's only bound here a week, but might be willing to hang out longer. That course will probably necessitate planing some additional shenanigans though- Tom's not gonna want to sit around doing sensible training and preparations for the journey. We'll need to get some "Chaos for the Chaos God!" going on.
>>
No. 454641 ID: 364fd8

A trapper is going to know a lot more than a skeleton about how to come out of a fight in one piece. I say go for it.
>>
No. 454643 ID: f2c20c

Oh also leave the helmet off when training, obviously.
>>
No. 454653 ID: 61d996

>>454598
We shouldn't pass up on any training from Ralex, anything else we can learn from anyone simply does not compare. However, you'd get a lot more for your time and suffering if you were not so clueless going in! Especially since you can't practice attacking if all you can do is barely defend.

How about a bit of the best of everything: Have the lich oversee and advise you in weapon practice against her skeletons. Afterwords, wield those lessons as best you can against Ralex, with only weapons and the magic armor equipped.

Training with Muo can be put off almost entirely for now, replaced by lich/skeleton lessons. Talk with her about waiting for you bit longer in exchange for you entirely funding her trip. She and Tom should agree to that. You can study the finer things with her later.
>>
No. 454777 ID: 42c1c6

Oh c'mon, she's sweet on you, and this'll assuage her previous fear you are gonna get yourself killed. Just because you are a big shot doesn't mean you shouldn't still be involved with your tribe.

Train with Sili.
>>
No. 454814 ID: 38e832

+1 for sidled training. Just seems more practice. Do hang out with the trapper chick though and let her know what you're doing. She'll have to respect you now.
>>
No. 454827 ID: f09b71
File 134769564805.png - (66.91KB , 700x700 , 3-81.png )
454827

"Well, I will not skimp on my training with Ralex, but perhaps you would be willing to oversee me, and give me pointers?"
>"No. Let me tell you something. I do not like magic. But you saw my mortal form, and I should hope you do not think that I beat him in hand to hand combat like that. In short, I am a mage, not a fighter. Yes, I have basic knowledge, but it has been ages since I have done anything of that sort, and have forgotten any conscious awareness of techniques needed to teach. In any case, I am busy."
"Very well! I think I will get some help from Sili, but I may take on the offer of skeletal training if it does not pan out! Perhaps I will go soon, despite my wounds."
>"I am impressed. I was under the impression mortals needed sleep. It is the middle of the night, after all. And after so long training, even with stamina potions, are you not tired?"
>>
No. 454828 ID: f09b71
File 134769566347.png - (81.56KB , 700x700 , 3-82.png )
454828

fump
The next thing I know I am in bed, and I am asleep!
>>
No. 454829 ID: f09b71
File 134769569998.png - (106.81KB , 700x700 , 3-83.png )
454829

As I had a quesetion for Muo, it is almost convenient that she finds her way to me while sleepwalking. I am not surprised. I am probably the warmest thing around here! Er, wait...

"Muo, are you okay?"
>"Mm? Oh, yeah. Uh, I sleptwalk right into that fire elemental. He laughed pretty hard, saying I was welcome to stay in his bed! But he was practically on fire, so I left. Sorry!"
"Quite alright! Would you be willing to spend an extra week or so here?"
>"Hmm. Sure? I'll not be around as much, I might have to go visit the slimes and spike their ponds or something more imaginative, but I'm not in that much of a hurry."
"Excellent, thank you!"
>>
No. 454830 ID: f09b71
File 134769571291.png - (161.16KB , 700x700 , 3-84.png )
454830

I head off to Sili after getting a healing scroll for Muo, careful about any lizardmen. I do not see any, so I sneak in and hop into Sili's house.
>"Yapper, what are you doing?!" "Greeting! Lizardmen look for me?" >"Yes, fool! What you do? No, no want know. You steal armor?" "I tell you later! Armor got fair and square. But first, need train!" >"What?" "I need train. For fight." >"You are hurt." "Yes, and hope to to avoid that in future!" >"I will train Yapper." "Thank you! Say, that was easy. Afraid you disagree!" >"Idiot Yapper. Been waiting years for Yapper to stop being dumb and ask to learn fight."
>>
No. 454832 ID: 886a4d

Gotta ask the lady why.
>>
No. 454834 ID: 1987d1

>I do not like magic
>I am a mage
D:

The sads!

>learn how to fight
Training not just getting smacked in face a lot, I hope?
>>
No. 454841 ID: 4a328b

Thanks Sili!

Don't get caught staring trying to see if she has tattoos, kid.
>>
No. 454844 ID: bf54a8

show her your moves
THEN
show her your moves~~~~
>>
No. 454849 ID: 61d996

>>454830
Tell her you're just as dumb as ever, but now you need to learn to use this sword and crossbow so it can't be helped.

>>454844
Those would be overly expensive moves, I fear. At the very least it can wait a few days, I'm sure.
>>
No. 454863 ID: 42c1c6

So get to it! Train train train. Of course, this is a different kind of training. You have to not hurt her, so you need to do a more normal training routine.

Be sure to flirt lots.
>>
No. 454956 ID: fc5d95

Oh man! She wants to beat you to a jelly. Be ready for even more bruises! Maybe some of the (minimal) dodging you picked up from Angry McElemental will work?
>>
No. 455015 ID: da9583

>>454827
That may explains why she likes peaceful solutions... has forgotten to fight and does not like magic...

>>454829
fireproof beds!
(stone-blankets)
>>
No. 455903 ID: 42c1c6

It's made no sense to me why she's so nice, being a lich and all. Maybe if she doesn't like magic this was something that was done to her and she's just making the best of it.

But training! Leave the scabbard on your sword and get to it.
>>
No. 456119 ID: f09b71
File 134808334229.png - (136.37KB , 700x700 , 3-85.png )
456119

"Good! Hope by not smacking face all time?"
>"Not all time. Only some."

She does help significantly, helping me with things like basic postures and balance and that sort of stuff. With this, I will learn moves, but of course in the interest in finance, will spare from showing her my moves. And although she insists that I learn how to move with my body first before armor by taking it off. While that makes me nervous, she does not appear to have any indication that she would want bedside training sessions! Or at least enough that I can postpone any such investigations until this week is up.

And someday I may ask Zirkala about her odd dislike of magic. But for now, she, and I, have a busy week and can't worry about asking or explaining such things!
>>
No. 456120 ID: 6a1ec2

>>455903

The formula for becoming a lich doesn't even require human sacrifice or excessive cruelty, just being in a large but unprepared adventuring party. Enough corpses accumulate fighting the right monsters, and you're golden.
[Return] [Entire Thread] [Last 50 posts] [Last 100 posts]

Delete post []
Password