Hey, that 38 gold didn't show up in your gold meter that the top of the screen! And does that include the 10% bonus from your familiar? Whack the stuck gold meter until it updates correctly.

20% chance of failure? Well, with infinite lives, we'll make it through. But Ira has to play the odds strait. I bet he dies, or chickens out.

...wait! There's a skele in the door! Quick, teleport out!

Ah! behind you an undead plant!

Kaktus 2012/07/08(Sun)17:18 No. 430330 ID: b3ca75
File 134179310506.png - (18.13KB , 735x265 , 14.png )

>welp. turn it on.
You lack the skill and experience to operate the rune. You also still got a hangover from last night. Remember, don’t drink and teleport!
>Hey, that 38 gold didn't show up in your gold meter that the top of the screen!
Clearly, you got a bug in the system. You better update “Stens Heroic Interface Simulator tm” as soon as possible.
>does that include the 10% bonus from your familiar?
35 x 0,10 = 38 (rounded down)
> Ah! behind you an undead plant!
”What! Oh gods, kill it whit FIRE!

- Iracundus casts time stop-
-Skeletons took a time out-
-You got stopped in time, you cannot perform actions-

Kaktus 2012/07/08(Sun)17:18 No. 430331 ID: b3ca75
File 134179312924.png - (16.76KB , 735x265 , 15.png )

”…okay, dick move, but I have to admit it was quite clever. I have to say, you completed your test quite admirably, vessel, you are clearly ready for the outside. Nevertheless this is where we part way, my precious vessel, So I bid you farewell… and remember that daddy loves ya…

- Iracundus activates the portal rune-
-you are tele

Kaktus 2012/07/08(Sun)17:19 No. 430332 ID: b3ca75
File 134179314016.png - (11.27KB , 550x400 , 16.png )

POOF!
ported somewhere else-

…
Welp…
…

You have entered the town of “CITY”.

-You gain-
+2xp for completing the dungeon
+7xp for outwitting the skeleton guard
+0xp for cheeses found
-You are ready to level up!-
-Sleep to level up-

Sleep in that tree right there. No, not that one, the one to your left. Lizards sleep in trees, right?

>and remember that daddy loves ya…
Try, and fail, to resist being absolutely horrified at the shocking revelation that you're somehow the magically created child of a pervy human who's been staring at your ass.

When you're done being traumatized, pick a tree to sleep in. Take the one furthest away from the creepy clown in an attempt to keep it out of your dreams.

The only question you should have is a vessel for what exactly. My guess... your a lich's phylactery. That or hes planning on letting you get extremely powerful then kicking you out of your own body and taking it over.

Anyway, let that stew in your noggin while you sleep. Pleasant dreams!

Sleep 9998 times and Transmigrate as Genius. Repeat this until you're level 9999 with 186000 stored levels.

Fail to freak out at the gravity of the situation.

>>430332
Ask the guards where an inn is.

I just had a third thought, though it is a rather gruesome one, you could be the incubator for that Necromancer's child. Once its ready it'll burst out of your chest ala Alien.

Kaktus 2012/07/09(Mon)07:20 No. 430520 ID: b3ca75
File 134184364324.png - (10.89KB , 550x400 , 17.png )

>Try, and fail, to resist being absolutely horrified
>Fail to freak out at the gravity of the situation.
You fail failing at failing to fail “Fail to freak out” objective. You become traumatized.

-1 sanity

>creepy clown, keep it out of your dreams.
Your “AWESOME!” willpower is not powerful enough to keep the creepy clown out of your dreams. Next time you sleep he will come for you.
>Sleep in that tree right there.
You climb the tree in a vain attempt to find a sleeping spot.
>Lizards sleep in trees, right?
You sure hope so, otherwise this would look really silly.

“Guard 1: Excuse me, Ma’am, but climbing the trees in the plaza is forbidden.”
oh…

Kaktus 2012/07/09(Mon)07:20 No. 430521 ID: b3ca75
File 134184365433.png - (10.68KB , 550x400 , 18.png )

>Ask the guards where an inn is.
”Guard 1: As you seem new to our fine city, ma’am, we are authorized to administer this tourist guide to you. Welcome to the town called City (Don’t ask).”
“Guard 2: Welcome to Corneria!”
“Guard 1: Please ignore him, ma’am, he fallen down to many stairs.”

-You got a tourist guide to the City-
-You got a map of the City-

New Areas have been unlocked!
-Inn/Bar (closed for renovation) - Bed ‘n Booze-
-Mercenary’s guild – Should have beds if you are a member-
-Wizard Academy (Closed for outsiders) - Neat, they even got an elevator to the surface-
-Plaza (you are here)- Creepy Clowns Central-
-Ye old shoppe- Buy stuff-
-Blacksmith- Buy more stuff -
-Dairy Queen- Important!-

Elevator to the surface? Does that mean this isn't the surface?
And what is up with that clown, anyway?

>“Guard 2: Welcome to Corneria!”
I like swords!

Finding a place to sleep and level up should be our first priority. We can check out the shops and dairy queen after.

Will the wizards academy offer you a bed? You're a lizard wizard, but you might need to be actually enrolled or something.

To the mercenary's guild! I hope they don't make you do a job first before joining.

ask him why the town is called City. I wasn't gonna, but then he told me not to ask, so now I just have to.

Talk to The Misunderstood Clown.

>>430553
I second this. Also the wizards guild might be a good place to ask about daddy-Ira

Okay, after seeing the spoiler for our lvl 2 spells in questdis, we definitely want to sleep before shopping. There has to be a way we can abuse an illusion to get a better deal on stuff. Heck, even a simple CHA buff if we can't come up with anything better.

>>430553
You do realize we're going to fail our will save and be driven insane. Or we'll try to kill him to save ourselves and then the guard will come and murderize us for attempted murder.

Kaktus 2012/07/09(Mon)14:12 No. 430619 ID: b3ca75
File 134186835447.png - (10.93KB , 550x400 , 19.png )

> I like swords!
“Guard 2: Welcome to Corneria!”
> ask him why the town is called City.
“Guard 1: The founder had no imagination.”
>Elevator to the surface? Does that mean this isn't the surface?
Why yes, the surface is uninhabitable thanks to toxic fumes so all settlements has to be underground. Didn’t you guys watch the intro movie of the game? It explains everything, really.
>Talk to The Misunderstood Clown.
W-why, hello, mostero- Misunderstood clown, how’s it goi-
”Fool: I’m pretty inside. Are you pretty inside? I want to so your ins-“
Nicemeetingyoubye!

Kaktus 2012/07/09(Mon)14:12 No. 430620 ID: b3ca75
File 134186836770.png - (10.35KB , 550x400 , 20.png )

-Wizard academy: Outside-
>Will the wizards academy offer you a bed?
>Also the wizards guild might be a good place to ask about daddy-Ira
It seems that the wizard hold their no outsiders rule in pretty harsh consideration as the only way in seems to be a locked teleportation rune. According to the guide the only way in Is either enrolling in academy, which you have to do a year in advance, or be personally invited by a wizard.
There isn’t even a guard or any other way to contact them from the outside! Jerks!

Kaktus 2012/07/09(Mon)14:12 No. 430621 ID: b3ca75
File 134186837746.png - (5.17KB , 550x400 , 21.png )

-Mercenary’s guild: Greetings hall-
>To the mercenary's guild! I hope they don't make you do a job first before joining.
“Dwarf: Blessing be upon thee, lad, how can an old dwarf be of service this late of the night?
Thou have a contract to order, or do thou wish to join our fine organization?”

There's an intro movie?

Save, quit, reboot, watch the intro.

Compliment the dwarf on the decor of the guild. The, explain you're wondering if you could join the guild to earn a place to sleep, since the inn is closed for no good reason.

Don't correct him on saying lad, they might be misogynist... ask what the requirements are for joining.

Check your nether regions to confirm whether or not you are still female.

>>430620
Mushrooms. Take them all.

Kaktus 2012/07/09(Mon)16:08 No. 430644 ID: b3ca75
File 134187532263.png - (5.16KB , 550x400 , 22.png )

>Check your nether regions to confirm whether or not you are still female.
You do not find any unwanted equipment down under, thus you are still female.
>Mushrooms. Take them all.
They are as big as trees! Besides, you don’t believe the city guard would be very happy if you started to cut them down in the middle of the city.
> Save, quit, reboot, watch the intro.
Cucumber Error – unable to boot “Epicmovie.wav” – please reinstall the universe and reboot.
> Compliment the dwarf on the decor of the guild.
Wow, just look at this room! It’s magnificent! Just look how the red goes with the gray walls and how that lonely table is really cheering the place up! IT AMEZING!
“Dwarf: why, uh… thanks to thee, lad?
> ask about joining.
”Dwarf: well, lad, thee only have to sign our guild charter to gain access to thee bed. To become a full member and work with us, thee have to take a simple fighting test to prove that thee won’t get killed by a simple goblin. Let’s start whit thee name…”

Do you wish to join the mercenaries? Yes/no

“Dwarf: Lali ho”

As long as fighting prowress can include magic I should be fine.. so whats the test?

Ask if joining the guild comes with any responsibilities, or an expectation to follow other people's orders. Because you're a free spirit, and you're not so cool with that.

We have a new goal- as soon as we can find a way, we need to back up our save and destroy the universe. It's the only way you'll ever see the epic opening.

>“Dwarf: Lali ho”
Tali ho!

If ye dinnae say Lali-ho, then ye cannae enter!

Ask Dwarf the Dwarf if they're accepting applications for the next issue of Lustful Lali-Ho.

Kaktus 2012/07/09(Mon)18:09 No. 430689 ID: b3ca75
File 134188257992.png - (2.92KB , 550x400 , 23.png )

>As long as fighting prowess can include magic.
“Dwarf: Of course it includes magic. As long it is effective in getting the job done and isn’t illegal then we don’t give a rats ass about what thou do.
>so whats the test?
”Dwarf: That isn’t determine at the moment, the test depends on the contracts we got at the moment.”
>Responsibilities
”Dwarf: Obey the law, complete the contracts thou accepts, don’t be an ass. Thee have no time limit on accepting contracts, but thou only get gold on completed contracts.”
>applications for the next issue of Lustful Lali-Ho.
”Dwarf: Sorry, dorfs only. Thou should try whatever porn mag lizards got.”
>Tali ho!
WHAT DID YOU CALL MY MOTHER!?!

Ho as in greet, not Hoe as in whore. My apoligies for the unintended insult.

Any lets sign up so we can get a nights rest... we'll do the test in the morning if thats alright with the Dward.

A fine, respectable example of a woman! Sorry if the pronunciation was a bit off, dwarfish isn't really made for long lizard tongues.

(I almost said an "upstanding example", but then I realized a dorf might not appreciate comments about his mother's height.)

Sign up for the test, accept lizard porn mag.

> "Dwarf: Sorry, dorfs only. Thou should try whatever porn mag lizards got."
It was for an article about Pizza Elementals! An article! Who he thinks that Lizbeth is? His mother? Unforgivable! Let's knock him down!

>>430689
AAA I HAVE NO IDEA I'M SURE YOUR MOTHER IS A SAINT

sign up.

Kaktus 2012/07/10(Tue)06:20 No. 430905 ID: b3ca75
File 134192642511.png - (5.17KB , 550x400 , 24.png )

>AAA I HAVE NO IDEA I'M SURE YOUR MOTHER IS A SAINT
“Dwarf: If I ever hear thou speak ill of my mother again, I will hang thee by the Cali ho!“
>Sign up
“Dwarf: Thou are now an official member. Welcome to the guild.“
>Test
“Dwarf: Thou test will not be ready before the morn, thou better get a good night sleep before it“
>Night rest
“Dwarf: Thou shall fallow me and thou shall be given a bedding to slumber within“
>knock him down!
Error, you are in a non-combat zone. Combat is strictly prohibited!

Kaktus 2012/07/10(Tue)06:20 No. 430906 ID: b3ca75
File 134192643733.png - (4.24KB , 550x400 , 25.png )

“Dwarf: Well, blessing be upon th-“
>SLEEP
“Dwarf: uh… upon thee, la-“
>SLEEP
“Dwarf: Gosh darn it to heck, narrator, stop interu-“
>SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP!
“Dwarf: Tali ho, I’m leaving!“

Kaktus 2012/07/10(Tue)06:20 No. 430907 ID: b3ca75
File 134192645395.png - (4.15KB , 550x400 , 26.png )

>Sleep
Sleeping successful!


-World 1-1 Completed!-
Kills: 1/5
Gold: 48/45
Secrets: 0/0
Xp: 10/10
Cheeses: 0/9001
-LEVEL UP!-
-You gain-
+1 hp
+2 mp
+1 Magic
+2 Will
+1 Charm

New spells learned!
Blink (Cost: 1): Short range teleport
Illusion (cost: 1): create a simple illusion that cannot move. Cannot be bigger the yourself.
Haste (upkeep: 4): Increase run/battle/cast speed.

Kaktus 2012/07/10(Tue)06:21 No. 430908 ID: b3ca75
File 134192646524.png - (4.77KB , 550x400 , 27.png )

NEW LOCATION FOUND!
-Dreams-

uh…

Insert command_

ignore the horrorterror behind you and jump out of the window to see what happens.

Okay, in the waking world, you're a reality warper with awesome strength of will. In the dream world? That makes you a lucid dreaming reality warping goddess. You can literally do anything here. This world is putty in your hands, a plaything to your will.

So use your amazing dream mojo to destroy that the stupid clown juju impudent enough to intrude on your dream-space before it can fuck up your session.

Pay no mind to the shadowy figure. Who does he think he is, an emperor?

Kaktus 2012/07/10(Tue)09:01 No. 430928 ID: b3ca75
File 134193611223.png - (22.88KB , 550x400 , 28.png )

> jump out of the window
You are way too big to fit, time to lose some weight, chubby.
> ignore the horrorterror
You try in vain to ignore it, but it’s way too tacky to ignore. I mean, a red on black clown? Girlfriend, please.
> Who does he think he is, an emperor?
You think he thinks that you think that he thinks he’s an emperor. You think…
> That makes you a lucid dreaming reality warping goddess.
Yes. YES. YOU ARE A GOD HERE! With a mere thought you destroy the room you’re in and the rest of the dream universe soon fallows. You have become DEATH! DESTROYER OF DREAMS (and eater of donuts)! Too bad none of this seems to have any effect on the clown whatsoever.

Kaktus 2012/07/10(Tue)09:02 No. 430929 ID: b3ca75
File 134193612759.png - (3.52KB , 550x400 , 29.png )

They warned you that he would come, but did you listen?
now it’s to late! You are doomed! Doomed, I tell you!

no…

Nooooo!

Kaktus 2012/07/10(Tue)09:02 No. 430930 ID: b3ca75
File 134193613759.png - (2.88KB , 550x400 , 30.png )

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Kaktus 2012/07/10(Tue)09:03 No. 430933 ID: b3ca75
File 134193621288.png - (4.30KB , 550x400 , 31.png )

“Fool: I’m selling these fine leather jackets”
what the fu-

//Thread end

Dangit, I just realized we should have tried to seduce our dream-doppelganger in the bed there before blowing up the dream universe. :p

Ah well. There's always the next time we level up, I suppose.