does this end in fish transformation

Then onward to adventure!
You might want to bring some fish though.

A good story needs a person to sympathize with or revile. A good start is a name... whats yours?

I think it is important to decide what type of story to do the research for. A lone adventurer pursuing some grand treasure? A small band of heroes opposing a terrifying evil? A steamy romance? The story of a storyteller seeking real experiences with which to craft better stories? Something else?

Do we really have to make our own story? Can't we just become a bard or a skald, and record other peoples adventures and accomplishments?

Suggestion 2012/06/18(Mon)06:44 No. 423783 ID: c811c4
File 134002706093.png - (110.58KB , 700x700 , 2.png )

>Fish transformation
An intriguing story right off the bat, but I lack the wizard powers or wizard companions to make it so! And either of those would also make for an interesting tale, come to think.

>Bring some fish
Working on it!

>Become a bard
>What's your name?
Allow me to address both! I am known around here as The Bard.
Or so is my wish. Yet at present, the other kobolds just call me Yapper, a name I am not exactly pleased about. Anyway, I need not make my own story, but I will if I must!

>Lone adventure pursuing treasure
>Small band of heroes opposing a terrifying evil
As luck would have it, this area is prime for all of the above! Granted I have holed myself up for years researching proper language and etiquitte and boring study. Nevertheless, I reside in an ancient mountain range ripe with all sorts of treasure and evils that lone and partied adventurers wish to test their mettle against. It's a shame the mere sight of me fills them with an unnatural desire to turn into murder machines. In other words, the only ones in these mountains who care to have their tales woven are also the ones who wish to kill me! A conundrum.

>Steamy romance
Always a classic. While adventurers may not come down with canoodling in mind, there are creatures of a female variant that reside down here! So many options, but perhaps I should pursue one for now. Right now, my book of tales is a book of blank pages!

Ah, a fish has bit.

Your a kobold scholar? How very rare... any interesting bits of forbidden lore or murky prophecies you come across?

Oh food would be good to so reel that fish in.

>>423783
You look a bit big and spiky for a 'bold. Are you half-dragon or something?

Also, yes, catch some fish and lure a pretty 'bold over for a romantic dinner.

Any noteworthy kobolds that you know of? A great soldier or builder, someone whos actions are epic enough to be immortalized for the ages?
Or do you have any friends or family who could help you on our adventure.

>>423783
Pursue one?
A real Bard would pursue them all!
Teach a young lass a tune in the night, flee her window in the morning from her angry father to avoid a bow wedding. Or fireblast wedding, it depends on the father.

Maybe even Flintlock wedding if you guys have invented pistols yet.
Never discriminate, imagine yourself with a very attractive noble human. Despite your animalistic appearance, you have wooed her with your charms. Then move on to a brutal female gnoll chieftain, warming her heart and loins on a single night! Next, a wonderful kobold waifu. Maybe even the occasional dude that looks like a lady, you don't discriminate! That's what being a Bard is about. And hell, get in a threesome. Doesn't matter which kind!

You should go to a Bard's college though as well. The three major skills of a Bard is his Speech, his Music, and his bed manner. All three very much a part of the cliche college experience.

1/2 Suggestion 2012/06/18(Mon)08:55 No. 423800 ID: c811c4
File 134003493532.png - (116.49KB , 700x700 , 3.png )

>Reel in the fish
How I wish for a fishing pole of such advanced mechanations. In actuality, I would be happy for any fishing pole that proved more useful than my foot.

>Forbidden lore and murky prophecies
I, as a kobold, am somewhat at the bottom of the food chain. Well, aside from this fish. What I am getting at, is that forbidden lore would not be so forbidden if I were so easily to come across it, and murky prophecies are hardly worth recounting.

>Kobold scholar
>Big and spiky for a kobold
I flatter myself to no end. I have spent much of my studies learning proper language, but I regret to say that as a result, that exhausts the lists of things I am well versed in. As for my size, I am strong for a kobold and of a good shoulder above most others, but standing next to an orc is, to say the least, humbling. And to say the most? Rather terrifying. To put a long story short, I am all kobold, and rather proud of my spikes. Unlike many others, all of my horns are in one piece!

2/2 Suggestion 2012/06/18(Mon)08:56 No. 423801 ID: c811c4
File 134003497730.png - (97.98KB , 700x700 , 4.png )

>Lure a pretty 'bold for a romantic dinner
Tempting, but this would turn finding a story dangerously close to a flimsy excuse for fooling around! The act may yield nothing more than an anecdote as well. Ah, but if I were to lure a pretty lady that was not a kobold, that could make for a fine story worth sharing, depending on how magnificent, or catastrophic, it would turn out.

>A human noble, also gnolls
Even I can only exaggerate so far! And even if I were to pursue such a thing, I would need tales and experience first! And I imagine I could hardly handle myself in a gnoll's bedskin! Even the gentle looking lizardfolk girls around here turn bedroom frolicking into a battle of skill and strength.

>Bard's College
I never could remember what that word 'college' ever meant.

>Noteworthy kobolds
Not a one. Oh sure, we have a few stronger-than-usual fighters, perhaps a few that have proven adept at making traps that actually spring when they are supposed to. Yet, some of the Powers That Be in this cavern don't have much of an appreciation for a kobold that attempts to stand out from the crowd.

As for my friends or family, well, my dear mother does not care for my interest in life outside kobold heirarchy and dank caves. And my friends, eh... well, there's Sili the hunteress and Reed the trapper. Both have shared words with me that I have understood to be, well, civil.

Would the two of them be amenable to an adventure? A quest? A journey? If so you might have your first adventuring party and the start of a story.

But in order to get them to come along you need a destination. Any legends of powerful artifacts around? Even a small treasure horde will make do.

>>423801
Is Sili one of those girls that make bed frolicking a battle of skills and strength? Or do you only know about the quiet girls I assume you go after because apparently you've either heard things about them or experienced the mousey girls' ferocity in person to get over that quiet meek girl stereotype.

That or your entire clan is hardcore and quiet and mousey here ain't that quiet and mousey.

But yeah, lets hit up on an adventuring party. Get your lute though, or go buy one or make one, if you gonna be a bard you got channel some magic music. And if we're going to conquer non-kobold women (that aren't gnolls or nobles) to make interesting tales, you definitely need one for them to get over the fact that you're a kobold.
You may also desire to pick up some good shoes and clothes, akin to tale of DURK NUUK'ERM. No bard walks in bad fashion. Durk's legendary attire matching his inner natural badassiness is what attracted all those ladies. You just got to find the right clothes that show off your best features.

So what monster girls reside nearby?

1/2 Suggestion 2012/06/18(Mon)15:29 No. 423883 ID: c811c4
File 134005859503.png - (204.14KB , 700x700 , 5.png )

Sili is one of those girls that requires more than a night of sweet talking to even let a raging campfire warm her. And I would be surprised if either of them wished to sacrifice their professions to give time to dangerous adventure. Does it hurt to ask? No.

>Where is the treasure and where are the monster girls?
We've got goblins with gold, our local dragon overseer with wealth you could swim in, a lich that must have all sorts of valuable knick knacks and shinies, dead adventurers to scavenge and live adventurers to make dead to scavenge! I'm sure the lizardfolk, naga, slimes, goblins, hobgoblins, surface level gnolls and all have valuables and girls!

Let's see if Sili is home.

2/2 Suggestion 2012/06/18(Mon)15:31 No. 423884 ID: c811c4
File 134005868020.png - (112.46KB , 700x700 , 6.png )

>"Yapper. Why you come?"

Draconic. I have come to think to myself in Common, but I am an anamoly. Draconic has become somewhat... painful to speak in.

>"Sili! I wish talk. I come in?"
>"You come in. What talk about?"

>>423884
Tell her of your plans for adventure. Even the parts where you might be bed-wrestling with some exotic creatures. As you mentioned, she may not be interested in such things, but lying a member of your village, even by omission, would be unforgivable. Especially if you want her to come along.

If she isn't willing, at least ask her about any safe trails you could follow. Safe for you and the village, in case you guys try to stay hidden..

Want to go out experience world,
Learn more.
You go?
You think Reed may want to go?
Anyone else that might be interested?
Help you get good looking clothes? Need a lady's opinion.

>>423883
Wait, you have a lich and a dragon? That seems like a bloody power struggle waiting to happen.

Also, from the sounds of it, you could basically walk in a random direction and eventually you'd find adventure. Or it would find you.

Tell Sili that you've decided to leave the village and see the world; To have a real adventure worthy of being retold by storytellers and bards. You don't expect she'd want to come along, but you'd like some of her knowledge on traversing the caverns; If not safely, then less dangerously. You're also wondering if she's heard of anybody else in the village expressing even passing interest in leaving.

>>423884
...That's the language of dragons? ...It's rather blunt, isn't it? Well, unless some nuance was lost in translation to Common, in which case I withdraw my comment.

Have there been other kobolds that have left the village? If not for adventure, like you, how about ones who left because they got fed up with this village, or were exiled for what you'd consider stupid reasons? Maybe you could look for one of them.

Want make poem in Draconic.
But my rhymes are too sick.

1/2 Suggestion 2012/06/18(Mon)18:05 No. 423923 ID: c811c4
File 134006790894.png - (103.62KB , 700x700 , 7.png )

>Good clothes
Of course, I've been in the pursuit of such things for ages! Unfortunately for the name of good fashion, our tailors and clothiers are of the mindset that if it covers, it clothes.

>A Lich and Dragon is a power struggle just waiting to happen
If it is, it has been a long wait! The dragon is largely passive so long as she's left alone, and the Lich, well, sure, immortal embodiment of evil, but he's got manners. He would be a fine neighbor to have if one could ignore the bloody house decorations and occasional maniacal laughter.

>Draconic is rather blunt
It's what we call Draconic to ourself, but our dragon says that it's a mangled aberration of communication, and is highly offended we would call it Draconic. So we never say it's draconic around her. Now, she won't teach us proper draconic out of dragon's pride or something, so it's quite hypocritical. And that is never said aloud whether or not she is around.

"Adventure!"
>"What."
"Adventure! Uh... how say..."
Kobold Draconic is lacking words of 'romance' or 'love' or some sort. Oh, well, a bard must make do.
"Adventure and fucking. Want go?"
>"No. Is stupid with you. Suicide. Too soft. Not even have broken horn, and scales like baby."
I do wish we had a word for 'thank you.'
"Good! Okay. I go alone. Where good and least dangerous?"
>"Home."
"Beside home."
>"Ask dragon. Dragon have easy or suicide task depending on mood."

Well, there's that.

2/2 Suggestion 2012/06/18(Mon)18:06 No. 423925 ID: c811c4
File 134006796138.png - (88.24KB , 700x700 , 8.png )

>Make poem in draconic
Draconic not language of romance or love.

>Would Reed want to go?
You know, he might not make any weapons with any talent, but he's also our only blacksmith that's managed to hang in that nice little spot between being completely useless, and being useful enough to end up getting snatched up by some gobbos. In short, the village needs him more than I!

>Have their been other kobolds that leave the village?
Willingly? Rarely. Exile is rare and serious, never unjustified, but sometimes the other races comes and takes one of us if they have use for a kobold, such as previous blacksmiths that were able to hammer metal into something that looked more like a blade than what they began with.

>You could probably find adventure or have it find you just by going in a random direction
Yes! I have custom dice, passed on to me by a dearly departed adventurer I know not the name of, for some random chance.

Letting dice decide my fate, or ask the dragon! Either one will cure me of my crippling indecision.

Let's go have a chat with the dragon. I'm sick of these philistines.

Go see if the dragon has any work you could do, though try and find someone who has recently visited and ask what her mood is. Perhaps she might be a little less displeased if you speak in Common, and not the "mangled aberration" she's used to kobolds using. ...Unless she takes speaking anything other than draconic, even mangled kobold draconic, to her as an insult.

>>423925
"...but sometimes the other races comes and takes one of us if they have use for a kobold, such as previous blacksmiths that were able to hammer metal into something that looked more like a blade than what they began with."

Why? Are they suffering such a shortage of metalworkers that they have to enslave less-than-mediocre kobold blacksmiths? Or is it something else, like keeping kobolds from having any decent smiths?

If the dragon is Leimahtaa this is going to be so much win.

Suggestion 2012/06/18(Mon)22:16 No. 424003 ID: c811c4
File 134008297121.png - (111.25KB , 700x700 , 9.png )

>Why are they taking blacksmiths?
Blacksmiths was but an example and their lack of skill exaggerated, we'll be up for grabs if we show much competence in just about any profession, fighting and craft alike. Not too bad, though. I believe enslaved kobolds are still treated decently all things considered, and it's better than all of us getting driven out.

Now, gathering my things and my lute, I head down to the dragon's lair! Kind of a thin little path. Just a little farth--

"What fish-smelling kobold enroaches onto my lair without invitation?!"

Actual draconic. To be truthful with myself, all I caught was "What fish smell kobold enroach on lair", but I filled in the blanks. Anywho, I do imagine that if she wanted to kill me, she'd wait for my timely arrival in her kill zone!

speak in whatever language she hates less, "one of your humble kobold servants. i wish to ask a question."

One of your humble servents, I seek glory in your name and wish a task to do so.

Speak in Common. Why not? She dislikes your half-draconic language and would be offended if you tried to speak actual Draconic.

>>424003
Bard-Without-Stories comes. Wishes to know if you may scratch itches or small tasks.

Suggestion 2012/06/18(Mon)22:47 No. 424023 ID: c811c4
File 134008485132.png - (138.29KB , 700x700 , 10.png )

She hates Common quite passionately! Therefore, of the two languages, I will speak Common.

"One of your humble kobold servants."

>"Your attempts at Common amuse me. Come into my lair, and make it good, kobold."

She's bigger than I remember.

"I am called Bard-Without-Stories, and wish to change it! I wish for a task to perform! If I may boast, I am an adept itch-scratcher and have been known to complete small tasks successfully in the past."
>"And you think you can accomplish that which I cannot?"
"Not in the slighest, Dragon with what I am pretty sure is sitting on top of the world's supply of gold! Merely the tasks which you would like to see completed, yet not sully your claws with."
>"You know how to speak, I will give you that, fish kobold. Even if it is in the language of peasants. Perhaps you are not dumb as clay, either? I trust that you would not come to me without some kind of gift?"

I cannot say that I trust that, myself. I would have thought offering myself for a task was a gift!

>>424023
Present the fish. "A poor gift from a poor presenter. This fish is my past. Surviving only for the sake of eating and breeding, then one day killed by a force beyond my command. With your direct, next time I meet with you I will bring spoils far greater."

or perhaps your pole, say "that which is my lively hood in the village, with giving this to you i have nothing to turn back to if i fail, thus driving me harder to succeed."

1/2 Suggestion 2012/06/18(Mon)23:54 No. 424034 ID: c811c4
File 134008884438.png - (78.80KB , 700x521 , 11.png )

"This fish... is my past! Surviving only for the sake of eating and breeding, only to one day be -"
>"Ah, yes, you must be the one they called Yapper. I figured that you were not actually Bard-Without-Stories. You're a kobold. Not a bard. I will accept your fish. Toss it in."

I'll need a better fishing pole. Right now she will probably see it as two sticks tied together with a string. Mostly because it is two sticks tied together with a string.

2/2 Suggestion 2012/06/18(Mon)23:55 No. 424036 ID: c811c4
File 134008891588.png - (98.30KB , 700x700 , 12.png )

>"As a matter of fact, I do owe our Lich neighbor a favor. To my left left, there is a purple potion I have had prepared, and it has waited much time to be used. It is for the Lich."
"A present?"
>"You can think of it like that, yes. I wish for you to find the Lich. Then take the bottle, and throw it at him. Don't worry, you need not aim well. Just so long as you hit his general vicinity, your mission will be accomplished."

>>424034
That fish looks so happy.

bow and take the potion. be careful not to rustle any coins. then leave after saying the standard parting phrase or whatever. this is obviously a suicide mission and we will need a way to come out of this alive.

>>424037
the snack that smiles back, goldfish

>>423771
But can the dragon see why kids love cinnamon toast crunch?

Suggestion 2012/06/19(Tue)01:23 No. 424051 ID: c811c4
File 134009418869.png - (96.67KB , 700x700 , 13.png )

>That fish looks happy
An expression everyone should strive for on death.

"It shall be done!"
>"Good."

Or so I would like to say, but it would appear I am in considerable peril. What to do, then... try and locate an alchemist to attempt an identification of this magic, or head straight to the mission and hope that this is a Potion of Instant Lich Incinerator. I think we may have a kobold alchemist of questionable talent, and I am certain there is a goblin alchemist of questionable ethics out there.

>>424051
>What to do, then...
Let's put it this way: would you rather annoy a dragon by not performing a task you had agreed to do and, indeed, had actually requested, or annoy a Lich by being a pawn in a dragon's prank?

very good chance they have been doing this shit to each other for a while. anyway, yell "preasent from the dragon" when you throw it.

She never said you couldn't analyze it. Anyway, whether you analyze it by testing it on yourself, or throw it in the lich's face, it's sure to make a good story.

1/2 Suggestion 2012/06/19(Tue)02:59 No. 424063 ID: c811c4
File 134009995483.png - (82.49KB , 700x700 , 14.png )

To the lich, then! It will be a story of brash action.

But first, an unavoidable trek through the commons that lie between my village and the Lich, where numerous races trade as best as their aggressive minds can handle. An easy place for a kobold to get bullied! But I am heading to the lich where few tread, near the back of the commons at that, so dodging trouble is trivial.

2/2 Suggestion 2012/06/19(Tue)03:01 No. 424064 ID: c811c4
File 134010009941.png - (181.85KB , 700x700 , 15.png )

Unsurprinsingly the hall leading to the lich is abandoned and lifeless, until the partially collapsed gate to the catacombs are in view! As with a couple of skeletons.

>"'ey 'bold. Yer far from home. Best scurry off, you and yer stomach will be better off far far away from here." the closer one says.
>"Kobolds don't know normal language, ya know." the one in the back responds.
>"You serious?"

Before I can intervene with the obvious fact, the closer one that spoke to me begins waving his hands and going 'shoo', the silliness of the act only partially mitigated by the fact that it is a moving skeleton with a sword that is performing this.

"i have been sent to give a gift to your master from the dragon"

>>424064
Ask them what being a skeleton is like. No offence, but uh, everyone back home assumed you couldn't talk or anything.

Oh, also you'd like to talk to the lich. The dragon gave you this potion to throw at him which you assume will do Bad Shit. This is clearly a suicide mission AND she insulted you, so you feel like switching sides.

I tought this was going to be a story of BRASH ACTION! So if you think you are fast enough you should dash past the skeleton guards onward into the catacombs!
But if you are not confident in your speed maybe we could distract the guards somehow? Like pretending we can't talk or undestand common and just start exitedly speaking nonsense in draconic and start waving your hands and making cross or other holy symbols with your hands and pointing behind you.

You have a very nice Skull, sir. Do you polish it? And where do you buy your clothes!? I must know! The kobold selection here is terrible!

Explain, in your flowery bard-like prose, that you have a delivery to make to the Lich. When asked why you should be allowed past, remind them that A) You're a harmless kobold, especially in comparison to the mighty Lich, B) the living generally intend to keep on living, so you do not plan to do anything stupid to upset the Lich, and C) If the Lich is disappointed with the delivery, would it not be easier to relay that to the messenger rather than one of the skeletons? You take pride in your work, and would like to see it through carefully.

Suggestion 2012/06/19(Tue)13:44 No. 424113 ID: c811c4
File 134013868368.png - (88.75KB , 700x700 , 16.png )

"I have brought a delivery for your lich! Note the harmlessness of this kobold, especially in comparison to the mighty lich! Also, where do you get those fine clothes?!"
>"Well color me surprised. Kid, I'm dead. I don't know where I got these clothes from. A delivery ... oh, a purple potion. One of the things that the Lich explicitly said not to allow inside. Yeah, sorry, no. Turn around kid, or things are going to get ugly. Hell, we're supposed to kill you for carrying that, but I feel a little bad."

"well i'm dead ether way then. seriously, i can't go back to the dragon and say i failed. how about i leave it out here with you guys?"

Ask why it's forbidden; you weren't told what it does.

Apparently, things like dye and colored glass are too obvious for whatever game of wits the dragon and the lich are playing.

Either that, or she's trying to get you killed.

Anyway, ask if the lich could come outside instead. Then you could complete your assignment without getting the skeletons to break any rules.

>>424113
"Oh, so the Dragon doesn't like me and wants me dead.
Figures.
Man, I give her a fish and talk decently to her and she sends me on a suicide mission to further her political agenda without even telling me? All I just wanted to find a reason to leave this place and become a bard. Now she gets to tell the tale of how she sent a foolish naive kobold to his death. Dammit. Well unless i return, but then it turns to a tale of how she burnt me to a crisp or stomped me. Got any ideas, politically I mean, on how to solve this? I do not think I can return home anymore."

>>424113
"So wait, it's NOT a special skin cream?"

> This is clearly a suicide mission AND she insulted you, so you feel like switching sides.

I told you so

flick a little bit onto them, they are products of the lich.

>>424217
This.

...Great, so the dragon sent you on a hopeless mission, and you should have died right here. She almost certainly didn't even give you a potion that does anything; It's probably diluted purple dye, or something.

Thank the skeleton guard for not killing you, then go find that ethically-challenged goblin alchemist to confirm whether the potion does jack or not.

>>424224
No, don't do that. He actually decided not to kill you for having that when he has orders to do so, and that's reason enough to not sprinkle mystery potion on him.

Drink the delicious grape ape!

Suggestion 2012/06/20(Wed)02:04 No. 424323 ID: c811c4
File 134018305676.png - (101.74KB , 700x700 , 17.png )

"Wait, it's not a special skin cream?"
>".... heh. No."

>Flick it on them
For the briefest of moments I would, but magic potions do not work like this! An entire dose (that's one entire bottle unless otherwise stated) must be used to have any significant effect! Otherwise it will simply taste of magic. And drinking it will be crossing a line from brash to ridiculous!

Despite my earlier decision that this will be a story of BRASHness, I suppose it is not too late to make it a story of CAUTION and head to a goblin alchemist after all. It is a crossroads, to do combat with the element of surprise, or head to the goblin halls and hope it doesn't backfire horribly! Regardless, a bard knows when the time for words has passed, and I will not speak to these skeletons! Although their gesture of not slaying me where I stand will not pass unappreciated, they have shown no reason nor intent to help me in an active fashion.

>>424323
Can you even fight? Well, if you've got any confidence at all let's make with the combat.

He doesn`t even have a weapon and they have swords. Even if he had the money to buy one everyone is always taking away the decent kobold smiths!

I recommend not actually fighting them... do you think you can sneak around them?

If not then ya time to head to goblin lands... if the alchemist can't tell you anything at the very least you can buy / steal a sword.

Ask them if they have any leftover equipment from ill-fated adventurers they're willing to part with.

They probably ARE the ill-fated adventurers... I don't think the lich gets many other human guests.

It is rather hard to be BRASH when you're head height with the bottom of your opponent's ribcage. For now take a detour on the path of CAUTION and seek out the goblin alchemist.

Before you do, though, get a small container and pour a sample of the potion into it for the alchemist to test, then hide the remainder. This is so, in the very far outside chance it actually is valuable, the goblin alchemist doesn't just take it from you.

1/2 Suggestion 2012/06/20(Wed)14:22 No. 424437 ID: c811c4
File 134022734848.png - (132.21KB , 700x700 , 18.png )

"Say, do any of you fine bones have any leftover equipment from ill-fated adventurers?"
>"Yes."
"Ah, because I am in ne-"
>"Kid, that was a 'yes' we have some, not a 'yes and you may help yourself.'
"Ah, I see, well that is--"

>Are you confident about fighting?
Although strong for a kobold, I can't tell how strong these boney folk are!

>Sneak past
This, however...

>"Hey. HEY. Damnit."
Strong for a kobold, but exceptionally fast for anyone!

2/2 Suggestion 2012/06/20(Wed)14:23 No. 424438 ID: c811c4
File 134022739518.png - (169.00KB , 700x700 , 19.png )

Wow, it stinks in here. These halls are all twisty and ill-planned. No other undead to be seeeeEEN.

>"Hey there, little buddy. Heard you got past my guards. What's up? Did you come to try and find your lost sense of self-preservation?"

Now would be a good time to think up a witty one liner.

Left it behind when I asked a dragon for a task to earn a story. Here... catch.

>>424439

Pretty much.

>>424438

You know, the dragon obviously planned on getting us killed. Why not make a story where we... DEFEAT the dragon?

I'm sure the lich would be happy to have someone on the inside and to top it off? Who would suspect a kobold in a camp of kobolds?

You should definitely say "Don't kill the messenger" at some point. Probably while running away.

1/2 Suggestion 2012/06/20(Wed)15:35 No. 424458 ID: c811c4
File 134023170972.png - (129.66KB , 700x700 , 20.png )

"I left that behind when I asked a dragon for a story! Catch, and remember, don't kill the messenger!"

>"Caught. What's this? A potion of sprouting flowers? Oh. Heh. That's kind of funny. That drrr... agon bet me I was actually full of flowers, and she claimed that she could prove it. And here she wanted to take the literal route. I admit that is clever, but the execution... not so much."

>Make a story of defeating the dragon
This is sounding very appealing right now.

"Er.. yes! But you see, dearest Lich, I've actually come to join your side against the dragon that clearly sent me on a suicide mission!"

2/2 Suggestion 2012/06/20(Wed)15:35 No. 424459 ID: c811c4
File 134023173059.png - (111.48KB , 700x700 , 21.png )

PSHEWW
The lich's scepter thing just sparked?

>"Please excuse my staff. It does that whenever someone blatantly lies. Do go on."

>>424439
"And that's all she wrote"
but don't say that part it's a quote from real life...

Jab the potion bottle with your fishing pole then skedaddle.

I came because a dragon would probably eat me unless I did what she asked, which is to throw that at you. She didn't say you couldn't catch it. Now I'm going to go do sane things like hunting or knitting, if you please.

...s'not blatant. It's becoming more and more true with each passing moment.

>>424459
"Oh, good! That means it wasn't a suicide mission!
Alright, nice meeting you, then!"
Then leave.

>>424470
That's true. She just said throw it at him. And it hit his general vicinity. She didn't say it would have to break. So we've completed the task as it was ordered.

Now we should just maybe try getting him to not kill us.

>>424459
"Well, actually, I have no real idea what I want. So that's probably why it went off. Dragons are just as scary as you. I just want my skin on tight and to give birth to a legend, really. I am fast and I think fast too, and I'm useful. Could I take on that dragon? No, not yet. But I would like an investment of sorts to that end. I'm not partial to any side, and I'm a wild card. An important pawn to whatever game you guys are playing. Don't you get bored with how things are with the dragon currently? You have eternal life, entertainment is really one of the only thing left a lich can value, right? I can spice things up! Look, I just spiced things up getting in here!"

Do you really want to go near a dragon whos task you just failed in spirit if not in letter? Try to at least knock it out of his hands.

If you fail it might be wise to leave the mountains altogether.

>>424459

"So if I told you my dick's actually as long as my arm...?"

I could have so much fun with this...

How can we know if he's not lying?

>>424505
Oh, yes! Close your eyes, look at the floor, and tell him the most blatant whopper of a lie you can think of. That staff will go off like flash-powder in his face. Keep spouting as many massive lies as you can think of while running in an evasive pattern out of here.

1/3 Suggestion 2012/06/20(Wed)17:47 No. 424514 ID: c811c4
File 134023962737.png - (98.44KB , 700x700 , 22.png )

>Close eyes and tell lies to set the staff off in his face
"So if I told you my dick was as long as my arm?"

Perhaps that is not a strong enough lie to -

FOOSH
>"Haha, it's never went off that strongly before."

....

2/3 Suggestion 2012/06/20(Wed)17:48 No. 424517 ID: c811c4
File 134023971042.png - (72.24KB , 700x700 , 23.png )

>Use the sticks fishing pole to break the potion!
Now's the chance!
It.. it's disintegrating as soon as it gets close.

>"I meant go on with words. Is that fear? Don't bother running, my 'face melts off at a temperature higher than you can count to' spell has a formidable range!"

I'm like an open book to him.

3/3 Suggestion 2012/06/20(Wed)17:48 No. 424518 ID: c811c4
File 134023972218.png - (178.59KB , 700x700 , 24.png )

"Okay, seriously! My wanting to switch sides was not a blatant lie, it's becoming truer with each moment! That dragon would probably eat me if I didn't do as she asked, and she only said to throw it at you! She didn't say you couldn't catch. My mission here is done! So, I hope that I, uh, entertained you during my visit! I do spice things up, right? But now I should be off to do more sane things like hunting or knitting! It was nice meeting you."
>"Oh, I'd say the same, but I think it's still nice meeting you, not was. I think you can do something for me, if you like spicing things up. A little payback for a dragon that got way in over her tiny little head. But first, it has been so long since I've had a living visitor, and I do get lonely. Won't you stay? I have some lovely alcohol that's been aged to perfection. Maybe in a cozier atmosphere I'd be more willing to listen to whatever ramblings you may have."

I never thought about rotten ice before, but that is how he smells.

>>424518
"Are you like a lady lich or something? Not that I suppose it makes much difference since once you go lich, you never go back. And mortal terms hardly mean anything more. Wait, can you go back to being mortal if you wish, or set up some kind of time share in a mortal's body to experience their experiences and feelings just to get some nostalgia or something? Nostalgia's gotta be, like, on the prime market for immortals."

>>424518
Soooo, what exactly did you have in mind? Can't so much as breath without that bitch's say-so, so count me in.

Ask about what he wants you to do make sure you are not being sent on another suicide mission.

"sure"

>>424518
Accept, because well... if you don't... you'll be dead.

Have an absolutely perfect response pop into your head, ready to be said. Now if only you weren't overcome with a tidal wave of nausea from the lich's breath, you could actually say it. Instead blanch, squeak out "sure," and turn away to vomit into a conveniently reachable urn you just happened to grab in the nick of time.

Accept the invitation and turn on all your bardly charm. Remember, steamy romance with a lich would make a good story!

Suggestion 2012/06/20(Wed)20:15 No. 424549 ID: c811c4
File 134024854170.png - (163.16KB , 700x700 , 25.png )

"...sure."
>"Good choice."

I end up in a surprisingly cozy room after all. It is old and smells of mildew, but given the inhabitants, I couldn't complain.

And I don't know what this drink it but it is delicious. But I really am going to hurl if she doesn't take a few steps back.

"Soooo what did you have in mind for payback?"
>"I believe you're familiar with this one. I want you to take a potion I will give you. Then go to the dragon. But this time, instead of throwing it at the dragon, you're to drink the potion yourself."
"This drink is excellent. So.. are you a lady lich or something? I suppose it doesn't make much difference, since unless I am sorely mistaken, once you go lich you never go back! Unless you can go back to mortal, perhaps temporarily? Take over a body, say, experience their experiences, feel some nostalgia?"
>"... are you hitting on me?"
"... would you melt my face off if I said yes?"
>"Perhaps."
"And if I said no?"
>"Perhaps."

>>424549
Well, we'd like to have our face unmelted so just say it'll have to remain a mystery.

>>424549
"Well, I'm just curious how Lich's deal with their eternal life. Eternal life is long, yo! And sure, you sacrifice your flesh and soul and put it in a little phylactery in exchange for power and eternity, but what do you really DO with eternal power? Taking over the world is a burden thanks to the crazy amount of required management. You can torture souls and play devil for a bit but that'll get old after fifty years or two. You can get all the cash you want with your power, but collecting material possessions also gets kinda old. Maybe take on a god, see how it goes, etc. But then you have to step it up! Where do you go from there?"

>>424549
"Have you ever heard of Schrodinger's cat? It's relevant here, I feel. The answer is whatever you want it to be, O Lady. I am your servant in this and all things until I'm out of your face-melting spell's range, which will be quite some time. And even then, given that you could follow me if need be, I will still probably be loyal to you out of sheer terror for quite some time afterward."

Then our answer is perhaps.

Say yes. You want to be a bard, correct? You want a story, yes?

Then say yes.

>>424561
This seems absurdly appropriate.

>>424560

"Say, middle age alternate reality lich, have you ever heard of 20th century physicist Erwin Schrödinger?"

>>424576
Yep. If she doesn't, then it'll be a hell of a story to tell.

The lich's scepter goes off when you tell blatant lies, so there is no way getting around telling the lich that you want to jump its bones. Admit you're hitting on the lich.

indefinite answers always that is the way around the scepter

1/2 Suggestion 2012/06/20(Wed)21:27 No. 424591 ID: c811c4
File 134025283641.png - (83.83KB , 700x700 , 26.png )

"Per..."

>You want to be a bard, right? Have a story?
>Turn bardly charm on to max
"Yes. Yes I am."

She's.. laughing. She? I think a she. I hope? I think her laughing is a good thing. I hope. Why didn't the staff go off?

>"Then maybe you should impress me and get to your job, yes? Remember, back to the dragon, drink the potion!"
"O-okay, then I'll be off."
>"Oh, and one last question, little guy, since you're so nice and honest."
"Yes?"

2/2 Suggestion 2012/06/20(Wed)21:27 No. 424592 ID: c811c4
File 134025285201.png - (64.82KB , 700x700 , 27.png )

>"Do my robes make me look fat?"

"no you look very skinny, skeletal even."

>>424595
Crack a really stupid smile while saying this.

OH GOD, THAT QUESTION.

>>424595
Aaaaand a perfect answer. Except I wouldn't begin with no, just go "I'd say you look" etc etc

"How could I answer such a question before seeing you without your robes?"

>>424600
Yes.

Just flatter her by contrasting her with someone even gnarlier.

"Not as fat as your mom. Damn she was one ugly bitch, and loose as shit."

>>424601
Hell yes

"Not when you're standing and it can hang freely but they do puff out and give that impression now that you're sitting."

>>424601
This for maximum hilarity.

No, but it does make you look very poofy and fluffy.

"Yes, they do make your extremely svelte form look fat; You should remove them." Then immediately think "where the fuck did that come from?!" Chug down the rest of your drink, grab the potion, and skedaddle before the lich can take your advice.

...Can you even tell what species the lich is, or was? Looks lizard-y, maybe dragon-y.

>>424592

Now that's a trap if I've ever heard one!

>>424601

... Yeah, this guy knows what he's doing. That's a +20 competence bonus to Dodge answer, right there.

>>424601
This.

you fool you will destroy us all!

1/2 Suggestion 2012/06/20(Wed)22:11 No. 424623 ID: c811c4
File 134025548626.png - (93.11KB , 700x700 , 28.png )

>Can you tell what species the lich is.
I have NO idea.

>How could I answer such a question before seeing you without your robes?
It is... a tale of BRASHNESS.

"Well, how can I ever answer that, when I when I have never seen you without your robes?"
>"Because I was asking if these robes make me look fat, bonebrain, not what lies underneath. Clever try, but you're still dodging the question.."

She didn't miss a beat before answering. Falling back to plan B!

"Then you look very skinny, why, even skeletal!"

....

2/2 Suggestion 2012/06/20(Wed)22:11 No. 424624 ID: c811c4
File 134025549522.png - (103.21KB , 700x700 , 29.png )

FOOSH

"okay fine, the robes are poofy as hell"

>>424624
What? But that's technically true!

But okay the robes are really bulky.

"you must have a lot of extra room in those robes"

Don't give me that look, "does this make me look fat" questions have no real right answer, and you know it!

Waaait a minute. She can activate the staff on purpose, can't she.

>>424630
This is what I am thinking.

Say "The staff will flash." Hopefully it will explode trying to figure that one out.

>>424633
haha good one. if it flashes, it's the truth,if it doesn't then it's a lie

You may as well just admit it now.
Shrug and admit "I do find those robes make you you fat. Why, are you considering sending me to find you nicer ones after the dragon?"

>>424633
Why would he ruin her staff, not to mention it seems to detect if the person is lying not if the statement is true or not. If it could the staff would let you know anything and she would probably be a lot more powerful than she is now.

Suggestion 2012/06/20(Wed)22:51 No. 424636 ID: c811c4
File 134025789704.png - (71.01KB , 700x700 , 30.png )

"Okay, okay, the robes around your form do lend you to be a smidgen on the pudgy side!"
.... my bardic charms can only work so many miracles! I need something else!

"The staff will flash!"

...

>"Ah, but you didn't say when. It is in your best interests to calmly stay here for awhile."

FOOSH

But the classic "This statement is false" should still work. She'll probably kill us for doing it though.

Run away!

Calmly run away. Like you were jogging, and don't forget to say your farewells!

"I'll be gone then" and leave, no need to panic.

>>424636
Isn't the FOOSH the flash?
"It is a good robe, looks very comfy and poofy, all royal-like where do you buy your clothes?"

>>424642
Yes that was the flash as in it's NOT a good idea to "calmly stay here for awhile".

Suggestion 2012/06/20(Wed)23:35 No. 424651 ID: c811c4
File 134026050995.png - (100.44KB , 700x700 , 31.png )

It is time to not push my luck, as the Bard knows when to take a hint!
And it is time to calmly jog away! After getting the potion in question and all of that.

Now, flinging a mystery potion at a lich is one thing, but now it has been swapped for another mystery fluid that I'm supposed to just outright drink! And again, I can't game the potion with sips! If it has any effect, I must drink the whole thing. I can continue the BRASH tale and head straight to the dragon, or, in future retellings, the lich encounter shall be the lesson in favor of CAUTION, and the kobold shall attempt to appraise this!

I say this, yet simply appraising it is a danger in itself once again. Perhaps the goblins should be less of a danger in retellings, should the CAUTION theme not be undermined.

>>424651
Don't drink unidentified potions, dude. Get that shit appraised. Though honestly you just need to make sure it won't kill you or otherwise do anything permanent, right?

Maybe the shitty kobold alchemist would be good enough for that.

Go with Brashness.

If the potion for the lich was a flower bomb this is probably either a love potion or a super charisma potion... seems instead of a deadly duel of wits your in the middle of a prank war.

>>424651
Double down on the danger and dash to the dragon. The lich clearly has a thing for you, and wouldn't send you on a mission you wouldn't come back from.

Coming on to the lich didn't get you rejected, so go back to the dragon and hit on her too. Whoever is most interested in you is the side you're on.

appraise the potion first it could be bad if you don't

Obviously you must go with brashness. Don't get the thing appraised, Just Go For It.

(And by "don't get the thing appraised" I mean totally get the thing appraised. Brash != dumb)

This is secretly Rynh's father isn't it.

brash all the way baby.

Suggestion 2012/06/21(Thu)02:18 No. 424684 ID: c811c4
File 134027030614.png - (96.47KB , 700x700 , 32.png )

To the dragon it is, then!

An easy enough trip, the skeletons left me alone this time, told me to be careful for a change of pace.

>"I can smell you, fish kobold! You had better have an incredibly compelling reason as to why you are back."

"I have finished your task"

1/3 Suggestion 2012/06/21(Thu)03:32 No. 424690 ID: c811c4
File 134027477649.png - (159.77KB , 1000x700 , 33.png )

"I've completed your task!"
>"...I find this hard to believe. Come closer."

That is some awkward silence. She doesn't believe me at all! That really was a suicide mission, in case there was any doubt!

2/3 Suggestion 2012/06/21(Thu)03:33 No. 424691 ID: c811c4
File 134027478949.png - (73.90KB , 700x700 , 34.png )

Well, bottom's up.
>"What are yo --"

3/3 Suggestion 2012/06/21(Thu)03:33 No. 424692 ID: c811c4
File 134027479880.png - (102.25KB , 1000x700 , 35.png )

Potion of Remove Illusions Identified!

>-- u doing? That was not the same potion that I have handed you. Did you really go to the lich?

"OH MY GOD. YOU'RE ADORABLE"

>>424692
Start walking over to her
"Yes I did. I must say, you're a lot cuter now that's you're more my size~"

Attempt seduction! Any story that has a kobold marrying a dragon is an amazing story.

>>424695
>attempt seduction
>baby dragon

Why don't you take a seat. Take a seat. Right over there.

Shes a hatchling! Pretty cute too.

Walk over to her. Muse outloud to the effect of I suppose the Lich intends me to shout your real nature out to the entire caverns in order to embarass you. The flower bomb makes sense now. You two aren't fueding... this really is a prank war.... between a Lich and a Dragon.

That would make a very interesting story methinks.

Continue with I'm sorry to say the Lich caught the potion so it didn't break... do you have anything else planned?

>>424696
Assuming it IS a hatchling, it's still probably several times older than The Bard.
I doubt it's a hatchling though; it's living on its own.

Suggestion 2012/06/21(Thu)04:24 No. 424701 ID: c811c4
File 134027787934.png - (89.18KB , 700x700 , 36.png )

"Ah? Suddenly you are far more adorable!"
>"That damn lich gave you a potion!"
"Of seeing illusions, yes. It seems like the lich might intend for me to shout your real nature out to the entire caverns? A prank war!"
>"Yeah? And who would believe you? The lich is the only one strong enough to make that potion, so as far as anyone else is concerned, its your word vs some ridiculously huge dragon! Did you even do what I told you?!"
"Yeah, and he caught the potion when I threw it at him. So did you have anything else planned, hatchling?"
>"A hatch- I'm not a hatchling! I'm a full grown drake! And stay back, I'm still a dragon at heart, and this is my hoard!"

>>424701
"That's fantastic~
Relax; I wouldn't share your secret anyway, and the only interest I have in your horde is the beautiful creature on top of it~
You know, the best way to get back at the lich is to have his prank backfire, and you can't get much further from embarrassment..."
Slowly approach her. Look her in the eye; don't even glance at the horde.
"...than romance~"
Kiss her!

Do a gallant bow if you can. My apoligies milady the size of your illusion compared to your actual form was that of a parent to a child. Now that I am closer I cannot see how I was mistaken. For you are lovely indeed, no lass of tender years. As for your horde it truly is befit a dragon, however one such as I cannot even deign to a single gold coin. But perhaps you would do me the pleasure of your company instead?

>>424701
Even a little dragon like that can probably still totally kick your ass, or at least give you severe, painful burns so, just be advised ya know. You're still a kobold.

Suggestion 2012/06/21(Thu)06:28 No. 424708 ID: c811c4
File 134028531557.png - (90.13KB , 700x700 , 37.png )

>She can still kick your ass
A fact I am well aware of!

"My apologies, milady! I do not know how I was mistaken over such a thing, now that I am closer. Relax, I have no interest in sharing your secret, nor interest in taking from your fine hoard, but rather what I am interested in is the one on top of the hoard!"

I believe I just crossed her perceived personal space bubble, as she is getting antsier.

>"Wh-what. You think I'd ever acknowledge the advances of a kobold?! And you're aware that I'm going to kill you, right?! I can't trust you to keep this a secret. No one would believe you, but you're aspiring to be a bard, so you may as well be aspiring to be able to get other to people believe this!"

Hit on it. You're a bard after all. Try to wrangle some proper Draconic lessons while you're at it. Said dragon is obviously nervious and afraid, even if a dragon. Its threatening you. Dragons don't threaten, they DO, if they actually think they can do it. So, you have the slim possibility of getting something out of this, instead of just exiled/dead/etc.

>>424709
Well crap, late. Also, said hitting on is having obvious effect of confusion. Play up the charm, again, if was going to kill you for sure would have already killed you.

Ah but there are other things a bard is famous for! Give a wink. Back off slightly and sit down. Make yourself lower then her.

However I was not lying when I said I was a Bard-Without-Stories and while the drake pretending to be a dragon in an interesting one, the one where the cavern she rules over finds out and dethrones her is played out over and over again in all species tales. The false duke, the ursurper, the cruel adviser and I have no wish to cast you as a villian, as lovely as you are.

A pranking war between two fearsome creatures such as a dragon and a lich on the otherhand is something I personally have not heard of... have you?

>>424711
An excellent suggestion, a jovial tale between two cliche antagonists? It will certainly be one of the most unique of tales that one could have in their repertoire. Also, if adventurers start to annoy either of them, just spread that you're the one mentioned in it, by throwing a fit about your dignity of course, and you'll be much less of a target, after all, who'd want it spread that they went to war against someone famous for mostly harmless pranks? Its win win.

Suggestion 2012/06/21(Thu)07:59 No. 424714 ID: c811c4
File 134029074416.png - (149.62KB , 700x700 , 38.png )

>Dragon
A drake, but I admit that I am fuzzy on the differences other than that drakes are much smaller; and especially fuzzy on a drake that wishes it were a dragon. Or perhaps that is all drakes? I do not know.

"If you were to kill me, I believe you already would have so, am I correct?"
>"No, I figure that if you got this far, it wouldn't be honorable of me to not give you a chance to live!"
"But you already claimed that you would kill me."
>"K..."
"But! There are other things bards are famous for, anyway."

A wink is given, as I sit down at a respectable distance. That carries her confusion on for more distance, and so I take the opening.

"I was not lying when I said I was a bard without stories. And while a Drake acting as a Dragon is interesting, the story in which she is dethroned is cliche, even to someone who does not know any stories, plus, I have no intention of casting you as the villain. Now, a prank war between a dragon and a lich? That is a story worth discovering."
>"... I don't have anything more."
"Pardon?"
>"I said I don't have any more pranks. I'm out of ideas."

Then maybe I should be your adviser? Or scout out one for you?

Maybe having someone to bounce ideas off of would be helpful? Creative processes often benefit from outside input. It is the basis of your entire quest for stories!

It would help to know what else the dragon is capable of doing. How can we help her with future pranks when we don't know what other abilities she has?

>>424714
Ask for the back-story of WHY they're pranking each other.

Also, while you're at it, ask whether or not she actually wants to be a dragon, or if the illusion is just to get other people to leave her alone. Make sure to complement the illusion as being very impressive...

>>424708
"A tale must be worth telling; do you know what roles makes a deception worth telling?
The villain, the charlatan, the betrayer, and the hero.
You have done no worse than grant a fool what he asked, so a villain you are not.
You have skillfully performed your duties, so a charlatan you are not.
You have lived by your word, so a betrayer you are not.
That leaves the hero, and one who tells a hero's secrets would be a villain and a betrayer; if that would be the role I cast for myself I would have it go untold.

If you wish my life, I would have it as your herald, companion, confidant, and, perhaps, consort?"

>>424714
"Well, then we can start by turning its last prank against it. It wished for awkwardness and embarrassment, so what humiliation it would suffer if you found companionship and romance?

Have you considered putting a pond at the entrance to its lair, such that it can't enter or exit without getting wet?

You do not yet have enough CHARM points built up to convert them to FLIRT points. Words like Consort and Romance have no business in your dialog yet.

Ask about origin of conflict, offer services as adviser, though not pawn, in further action.

The lich is potentially looking for new clothes, you could use this to your advantage by planning a prank involving a new outfit with an unexpected side effect. Depending on what the drake is capable of, you could do something like bring the lich an outfit that will disappear after being worn for a certain amount of time, or that sprouts flowers.

Also, the drake may feel more comfortable with you knowing one of her secrets if you told her an embarrassing secret of your own that you wouldn't want getting out. That way you will have a strong incentive to not let her secret out.

She's an illusionist, she should have plenty of contacts to consort with on this manner, even hire a freelance goblin professional pranker if she must.

I also suggest her opening a business of sorts, to help her horde grow so that she may part with some without much grievance for when it's practical. Spend some to make more!

Ask if the lich is female; you got that impression somehow.

Suggestion 2012/06/21(Thu)13:42 No. 424740 ID: c811c4
File 134031132983.png - (79.18KB , 700x700 , 39.png )

"Is it your wish to be a dragon?"
>"What? Isn't that obvious?"
"Then I will call you dragon. The illusion was excellent, by the way."
>"But it's still fake."
"Not to almost everyone! And I still hold you in high esteem."
>"You'd better!"
"Now, how did this prank war begin?"
>"I.. it was a long time ago. I set up my hoard here, and then the lich came by and teased me! I thought I'd have to move, but he didn't share the secret. I still wanted to get back at him, though! So I got a few kobolds to slip by and plant a few wards of Confuse Undead around. I don't know how he found out it was me, but things just started going back and forth."

>Share your own secret to make the drake feel more comfortable
I would love to, but alas, I live in a fishbowl. It is terribly difficult to keep a secret! I do not have any conspiracy that could compare.

>Romance/offer to be consort
The drake requires more warming up before such a move would be wise!

"Perhaps I can be your advisor to new pranks?"
>"Would you? What do you have in mind?"
"I must ask what other magic you would know. Also, I have come under the impression that the lich is in the market for new clothes! Perhaps clothes that disappear after a duration in which they are worn? And say, do you know if the lich is female? I did get that impression."
>"... are you serious? It's a lich! You are just some kind of pervert! No, I don't think I can make clothes do that without him noticing. I've usually tried indirect stuff. All I can do are illusions and general purpose earth and fire magic."

>>424740
She mentioned a ward of Confuse Undead.

What, exactly, did that do? Maybe if we could manipulate her minions more finely...

Aha! She's good at illusions, right? So maybe you could take the look of one of her boys, and then start hitting on her. Or something? An illusion that makes all her undead look alive?

Act hurt at her accusations of you being a pervert and say you were just brainstorming.
Ask her if she would be able to use her earth and fire magic to construct an outfit that will turn into dough full of yeast that rapidly expands.

Ask if she has any ideas how to make a staff of lie detection explode.

>>424752
That might be going beyond the boundaries of "prank," if the staff does more than detect lies. Still ask about it, though.

There is something you should check right now. Look around at the tunnels out of this chamber, and judge if any of them are big enough for the dragon in the drake's illusion to pass though. If none are, you may want to tactfully point that out to her, just so she can make a cover story for how she got in here.

Suggestion 2012/06/21(Thu)14:53 No. 424760 ID: c811c4
File 134031561571.png - (82.48KB , 700x700 , 40.png )

"Hey, I was just brainstorming! Also, something I was wondering.. it doesn't seem that there are any passages that your illusion dragon could pass through! Do you have a cover story?"
>"Yes. The fake dragon character can shapeshift into a small drake."
"Oh! Then moving back to business, what did confuse undead do?"
>"Like intoxication and hallucinations."
"Maybe make me look like one of the undead!"
>"Again, the lich would see right through it."
"Perhaps use your earth and fire magic to construct an outfit that will turn into dough full of yeast that rapidly expands."
>"Wh...at..."
"Do you know how to make a staff of lie detection explode?"
>"What? I've never heard of such a thing. All I see the lich carry around is a staff of light. Ahhhh, I give up. The lich can win the prank war! It's lost if I need the help of a kobold to come up with ideas."

Kneel, and get down to her level so you are eye-to-eye. That'll focus her attention on you, and cause her to be more receptive to your ideas now that you're not towering over her.

Propose that you paint all passageways into the Lich's domain with flowers and cute animals, all in bright and cheery colors.

>>424760
"A bard, m'lady.
How about having the entrance to his lair be a drop-off into a pond?"

I think using earth magic to mess with the lich's lair is the most doable idea we've had yet.

Well if she can do illusions then maybe she can make illusion textiles that don't exist, but still look like clothes, then after a while, the illusion wears off, making the clothes disappear.

>>424760

What sorts of obscenely rare and super expensive materials are there that could NATURALLY have a magical aura? We carefully weave an illusion with a touch of earth magic to create a "garment" that's nothing more than dust.

Then, after a time or when the Lich comes to realize something isn't quite right, the illusion and earth magic breaks, leaving them high, dry, and VERY naked.

Failing that, we also have the option of toying with things. Perhaps we make it appear as if the tunnels aren't as they seem -- just imagine a bunch of empty-headed (HAH!) undead stumbling about in an imaginary labyrinth!

Truly, mixing magics may just give us enough of an edge to start making things "feel" a bit more real than they are.

...

Hey, wait a second. I just remembered: the lich and its cronies knew exactly what we were bringing. Is it scrying us?

What about just throwing fireworks into his graveyard

>>424760
What if you were to go back to the lich and inform him that you drank the potion and identified it as a potion of Remove Illusions but that the dragon's mighty visage did not change at all, and you were forced to retreat.
Or you could tell the drake that the lich let slip how clever and cute he thought the drake was and how lonely he gets.

>>424774
The lich can see through illusions, that's how they found out that the dragon was a drake.

>>424776
See above.

>>424780
But he already knows she's a drake!

>>424773
Addendum to this:
I think we should reassure her by saying that she shouldn't just give up. Ask her to recount what previous pranks there were. Maybe there's an idea in there?

>>424782
The lich may be tricked into thinking that the drake managed to make an illusion stronger than his ability to remove them. The lich might try going to the drake in person to confirm, and a prepared traditional trap like a disguised mud pit might be an effective prank.

Suggestion 2012/06/21(Thu)17:03 No. 424788 ID: c811c4
File 134032343791.png - (108.55KB , 700x700 , 41.png )

>Tell the Lich that the potion didn't work to trick him into thinking the illusion was stronger than the potion
This is worth trying! Perhaps it can work in conjunction with another prank. A double prank.

"How about making a pond outside of his lair? I know my way around making traps as well, I may be able to make it hard to avoid! Or you can just use earth magic to rotate his halls around to different rooms?"
>"Ah.. well! I can make a pit, but how would I get water in there? It would take a lot of work! I don't know if the goblins or any other tribes or clans around here have any magic spells to fill pits with water."
"Perhaps I will tell the Lich that the potion did not work?"
>"You would do that? Even if the Lich was cordial at your visit, if you outright lie like that, the Lich may take an eye, or just kill you!"
"Oh? Are you suddenly concerned for my life?"
>"Wha.. nevermind, go ahead and tell the Lich that! And find a way to get lots of water or something like that, and I'll mess around with his lair!"

I like the bright vibrant painting idea better though...

Okay, this sounds like a job for the goblins.

Where is the nearest body of water? What is even better than having a pond there is opening up a whole river to lead to it. And hey if it floods a bit too much, all the better.

sounds like you need to find a way to build some irrigation to redirect some water

>>424788

Hmm... would the staff go off if we really believed that the "drake" was totally BS? We could even have her "breath" some fire at us to make it seem legit.

Picture the fire breathing thing looking super scary and it may just work?

Suggestion 2012/06/21(Thu)19:26 No. 424813 ID: c811c4
File 134033199038.png - (49.08KB , 700x700 , 42.png )

>Vibrant painting
As alluring as the idea is, there is not nearly enough paint for such an endeavor!

>Body of water
That would be the reservoir, but I don't have any normal means of moving it. I'd need to find out if the normal denizens of the pits, either the naga or slimes, would be willing to part with it. For a prank.

>A job for the goblins
They must have some sort of source for water, very possibly of a magic scroll type! However, they are somewhat domineering, for lack of a better word towards kobolds. Even if I manage to find what I need for sale, it would be sold for exorbitant fees!

>>424813
Become a thief.

Try the nagas

>>424813
What are the slimes like? If they are fond enough of pranks, well... just imagine a pond that is entirely full of slimes. You barely need a plan to have fun with that situation.

As for the goblins ask that drake if she can apply illusions to others. I'm sure they'd give a fairer deal to a fellow goblin. Or perhaps some other race that they find intimidating but aren't violent towards that they'd trade cheaply for.

we could always offer to do something for the goblins in exchange for the item

Wait wait guys. What if the pit wasn't full of water, but full of SLIMES.

>>424819
>>424835
Yes, suggest the idea... wait what would slimes want in return?

1/2 Suggestion 2012/06/21(Thu)23:37 No. 424912 ID: c811c4
File 134034704463.png - (59.24KB , 700x700 , 43.png )

>Become a thief
We have enough thieves in the village, and I don't wish to oversaturate that market!

>What are slimes like?
A question I can't say I'm the most apt to explain!

"Miss Dragon, do you know anything about slimes?"
>"They're gooey and useless."
"And how about the naga?"
>"Not worth my business."
"And, do you believe it possible to cast an illusion on me to make me appear as a goblin?"
>"Of course, it's trivial considering you're about the size of one. Still, a good one, without my constant channeling it, will only last for 2 hours."

2/2 Suggestion 2012/06/21(Thu)23:38 No. 424914 ID: c811c4
File 134034710186.png - (100.84KB , 700x700 , 44.png )

And to elaborate on the slimes, they start as little more than nebulous, if sentient blobs with just enough magic to differentiate themselves from their surroundings such as water or other slimes. From what I hear, they often try and show their sentience by taking on the forms of sentient creatures they see, or things they think are sentient. They have little imagination, and for reasons beyond me, don't mimic other slimes. You can tell which ones have gotten around by the ones that have more exotic forms and races they've mimicked. They can change form, although ones that they hold for long periods of time stick more. Much like a mother telling their child that if they hold a funny face for too long, it'll stay like that forever!

They do little more than gloop around all day, if what I hear has any accuracy! That's why they're usually left alone, since not even the goblins feel there is much reward for taking advantage of a rather naive outlook. And that's all I know without going down that route, including any knowledge about what they would want in return! However, as long as I don't dawdle, a goblin illusion will make a trek there yield fruit far easier.

Oh, and I know dreadfully little about the naga.

What on earth is the slime on the top mimicking?

Yeah, let's do the goblin illusion.

>>424914
If the skellies are of any quality, they will still have highly nutritious bone marrow. All you have to do is tell the slimes to pool together into that large puddle, illusion it into water, and bam, instant sustenance. For them. Horrible acidic death for the skeletons.

>>424916
Killing the Lich's undead servants may be stepping slightly past the prank limit.

Off with you then, to the goblins.

Suggestion 2012/06/22(Fri)11:37 No. 425013 ID: c811c4
File 134039023545.png - (110.47KB , 700x700 , 45.png )

>Head to the goblins

"Alright, miss Dragon, please make me appear to be a goblin!"
>"Done."

"Uh, pardon, miss Dragon, but I don't appear any different."
>"You can't see your own illusion. Just trust me."

Trust her implicitly and go off to the goblins without any worries at all.

Perfect. Nothing could possibly go wrong with this plan. Go and execute like a boss.

We've got two hours. Ask her if there's any way to tell when it's worn off.

Then rush off, we're on a time limit.

As you walk to the goblins see how people react when they see you... a strange goblin will get a different reaction then Yapper the Kobold.

Well that's all fine and dandy, but how will we know when it isn't there? Not that we plan to be that long, but it might matter!

1/2 Suggestion 2012/06/22(Fri)14:40 No. 425051 ID: c811c4
File 134040123889.png - (77.39KB , 700x700 , 46.png )

"How do I tell when the illusion is gone?"
>"When two hours have passed. Use your judgement."

I will unconditionally trust the dragon and head to the goblins. It's not a short walk, so I make it a jog of around 20 minutes. I know that I begin treading in goblin territory when the walls become smoother! They didn't smooth it themselves, they just claimed the smoother territory as their own.

2/2 Suggestion 2012/06/22(Fri)14:41 No. 425052 ID: c811c4
File 134040126992.png - (123.76KB , 700x700 , 47.png )

As expected, it doesn't take long for one of their patrols to stop me. The lady is the one to speak first.

>"Hey, you! We haven't seen... you around, before. Snrk... forget something?"

Did you forget to wear pants today?

>>425052
...Welp I think I know what just happened.

You're a goblin alright, a naked goblin.

"Nah, I'm just more comfortable this way."

Put your hands on your hips and puff your chest out as you say this.

They obviously must be referring to your lack of a bow or other weapon!
Tell them you come unarmed for your mission is peaceful. Tell them you are in need of a way to easily fill a pit with water for irrigation, and ask if they could direct you to someone that could help you, perhaps a merchant of magic scrolls.

>>425052
"I just woke up from a nap.
Did somebody screw with my face or something?
Can somebody hand me a mirror?"

you are on a mission of diplomacy to the slimes, need to show them you aren't a threat. unarmed and all that.

>>425052
Oh, hey, 'swamp elves'!
"No, I'm always prepared~"

>>425054
this sounds interesting, man, it would be better if he were a girl, or if the female goblin were naked.

Well, if Yapper has enough confident points, he should say "Like what you see? I don't do this often, or on purpose. I blame sleepwalking."

Suggestion 2012/06/22(Fri)15:39 No. 425072 ID: c811c4
File 134040477457.png - (117.57KB , 700x700 , 48.png )

I most certainly remembered to put on pants! Well, my toga. Technically they are not pants, but the point is is that the parts that need to be covered, are covered! As for being a naked goblin? I think I will show a bit more faith in my Dragon friend than to immediately think that I am naked as soon as something goes wrong! I have left my backpack with all my obviously kobold goods back with said Dragon, so I am unarmed. That must be what she is talking about!

"I have come unarmed, as my mission is peaceful! I am in need of a way to fill a pit with water for irrigation, and wonder if you could direct me to someone to help, perhaps a merchant of magic scrolls?"

>"Wow, uh you must be from the outside. You guys are weird, and apparently speak really formally. Do you even know the native goblin language? Anyways, we do have some magic, but where are you from, and what's your name?"

Let's see, goblin names, uh.. that's weird, I've heard so much about goblins, but I've never caught a single name. I don't know what's normal at all. Or where other goblins might come from.

Urist McStabguts from the Scorched Daggers!

>>425073
Sounds good.
"I'm a diplomat. I'm not allowed to learn goblin because my master is a huge-" Then flinch like you were hit "-SORRY! SORRY!"
Settle yourself, then continue "Err... Moving on, would you be willing to guide me?"

>>425073
Urist is a dwarf name. Stozo is a male goblin name, we could use that.

Megegs Teroll

>>425072
Rok Müturbüut.

>>425074
I second this.

1/2 Suggestion 2012/06/22(Fri)17:34 No. 425088 ID: c811c4
File 134041166033.png - (189.18KB , 700x700 , 49.png )

>Diplomacy
The farther away I stay away from what the goblins consider diplomacy, the better! I will, however ask for a guide.

Yet, then again, they do seem suddenly nice and polite now that I apparently look like a goblin. Perhaps my image of them is my image as a kobold, as I will expect should I spend too long.

"I am Stozo McStabGuts, from the Scorched Daggers! I am hoping you would be willing to guide me to these merchants?"
>"Now there's a generic male name. I've heard of Scorched Daggers. Sure, we'll do business. More goblins out there to distract, less trouble we get in these caves. Follow me, I'll show you to our very own magic shop."

I do as she asks, and it's only a few moments before I'm in the heart of the goblin area. I see a few kobolds scurrying about, along with a couple lizardmen, though sometimes the difference between us can be hard to spot. Goblins are well into the majority, however! I get a few looks, and maybe I should have asked about a mirror after all. Or at least a pond with a reflective surface!

Oh, hey, there's Diam, our previous blacksmith. He's looking well.

2/2 Suggestion 2012/06/22(Fri)17:35 No. 425090 ID: c811c4
File 134041171205.png - (117.43KB , 700x700 , 50.png )

Then a goblin comes sauntering right up into my peripherals, followed my personal space, and closer still!

>"Hey, babe. You and me got fitting parts. Wanna mix and match?"

am I getting romanced

OHHHH you a naked FEMALE goblin.

>>425090
Tell him maybe later, you're here on business. Say a couple hours?

"wow uh, maybe later I'm a bit busy at the moment"

>>425090
Surely getting romanced is nothing new for a bard! Tell him you're busy running an important errand but if he gives you his name you'll get back to him.

Oh yeah. You definitely appear to everyone to be a female goblin. Possibly rather hot, and maybe not dressed too modestly.

Think back to the cleverest rejection line you ever got and hit this guy with a variation thereof.

Or don't! Mistaken sexual identity shenanigans do tend to make for pretty good stories!

Elbow him in the face, spin around, and grab his ear. Yank him to the side, then kick his legs out from underneath him.

"Sorry, baby. You couldn't handle what I got."

>>425097
Don't. Sodomize him for an epic story.

>>425096
Seconding this.

>>425090
"Oh, my! It's so rare to find a man who likes girls with an Adventurous Spirit. At least, one so open about it~
I'm in a rush right now, but give me your name and I'll find you when I'm done~"

>>425107
To avoid confusion, Adventurous Spirit is short for "huge dick". This is a reference to Gobbo Quest, and has shown up in basically every quest to have DF-style goblins since then.

>>425108
Heh. She never did become a hermaphrodite.

>>425090

Explain that you were cursed to become a woman, and you're hoping it wears off soon... and that no, you're REALLY not in the mood for another come-on.

The creature who did this to you was VERY insistent about borrowing your tent... which you let them keep.

I am curious as to why a male is coming onto a male...Hmmm did that dragon make you look like a female goblin?

1/3 Suggestion 2012/06/22(Fri)19:12 No. 425115 ID: c811c4
File 134041756585.png - (62.80KB , 700x700 , 51.png )

>Getting romanced is nothing new for a bard!

Yet, I am used to a more feminine approach! And more... subtle pickup lines.

>Mistaken sexual shenanigans make for a good story
Yes they do, and I will be on the lookout for others who have fallen prey to this!

>Think of the most clever rejection line you've ever got
Ah, but my library of rejections is far too paltry, and possibly violent.

>Roll with it and say maybe later
As much as I would like to make a rejection, for all I know, a refusal of any kind to these sorts of advances are a capital crime! Especially of a violent crime, as much as I believe the action he deserves is a swift elbow to the face.

"It's rare to see a man into girls with an adventurous spirit! How about you give me your name, and maybe we'll do something later after I finish my business?"
>"The name is Gotz Wrenchthruster! Just meet me back at this alley, and I'll show you my own adventurous spirit~"

I... pulled that off far too smoothly than I am comfortable with.

2/3 Suggestion 2012/06/22(Fri)19:14 No. 425116 ID: c811c4
File 134041765716.png - (95.61KB , 700x700 , 52.png )

>"Wow. A looker like you gets bagged with 'matching parts, want to mix and match'?"
"... I was caught off guard!"
>"Haha, you're going to sleep with every one of us if you're that easy! Anyway, here we are, at the magic shop."

3/3 Suggestion 2012/06/22(Fri)19:14 No. 425117 ID: c811c4
File 134041769382.png - (129.65KB , 700x700 , 53.png )

For being only a step above kobolds in terms of ability and reputation, the magic shop here is exceptionally well stocked.

>"Hello hello, fine lady! You look new around here. What can the finest magic shop this side of the earth do for you?"
"Yes, I am in the market for summoning water! Would you have anything of that sort?"
>"Certainly! I have just what you need. A scroll of Create Water II and III! All depending on if you want a pond or a lake."
"Just a pond will do!"
>"Of course, of course. Normally I sell these at a value of 1000 gold coins, but you must have come from a long way. For the lady, it will be a mere 750 gold!"

Oh.

Right.

These things cost money. I don't have any.

offer to do something in exchange for it

seduce! and when she is unconscious from how much 'adventure' you had, run off with it.

Ask if there's any sort of alternate payment plan. Point out that you're a budding adventurer, and have a good track record of coming through on quest-based barter trades!

>>425118
I second this, but this was kind of your fault for not asking the dragon for it...

This also looks like a really smart goblin, so I'm not so sure subduction would work.

Look distressed!

>>425117
"Put it on the dragon's tab, she sent me for these scrolls. Got into her debt a while ago, so I have to venture here and do a favor for her every once in a while now. It's one of her business expenses, so it's got some weird as hell tax benefits in it, well I think she's part of the government here. All I just know that she sent me for these."

THIS WAS NOT PLANNED WELL! Anyway, look confused, say "You guys use gold? Okay, I'll be back."

>>425126
This.

>>425126
I second this, that's the best thing suggested so far.

wait wait

put it on the LICH's tab

>>425130
that seems like a good idea, but they might freak out at that, lets just stick with dragon.

>>425126
OHHHHH snap, yes

Suggestion 2012/06/22(Fri)20:29 No. 425142 ID: c811c4
File 134042214943.png - (69.07KB , 700x700 , 54.png )

"Put it on the dragon's tab!"
>"Ex..cuse me?"
"The dragon around here. I've been tasked by the dragon to get this, and he didn't want to entrust his precious gold with me."
>"... that sounds somewhat implausible."
"It'll sound nasty if the dragon doesn't get what he wants. I know I haven't been around for long, but dragons get uppity about that sort of thing!"
>"That's true... damnit, okay. It's on a tab. And if you're lying about this, you'll have pissed off both the dragon and the entire goblin civilization down here! I won't hold it against you if you back out of it now."
"It's the truth."
>"So be it! Here is your scroll."

Well, that.. went well. I hope.

>"Is there anything else you require from the shop?"

Not a good idea to push your luck when spending someone else's money. If you can catch your reflection in her glasses though, that should help you play to your disguise better from here out.

If you can't, browse around a bit. Magic shops usually have an abundance of shiny surfaces, just play it off like you were tempted, but don't want to run up too high a tab.

>>425142
Ask what they've got but don't buy anything. Their inventory could be useful for future pranks.

>>425142
"Nope. Have a nice day!"

1/2 Suggestion 2012/06/22(Fri)21:34 No. 425163 ID: c811c4
File 134042605895.png - (88.14KB , 700x700 , 55.png )

A mirror is easy enough to find. I still appear to be a kobold, and I move away from it in the off chance that others see a kobold in the mirror as well.

No other potions or magic seems to be in the way of pranks on a quick look. All boring stuff like potions and healing and things that would escalate a prank war to a war.

"No thank you, that will be all."
>"By the way, miss, the dragon is a she."
"... oh. Okay, have a nice day!"
>"Do come back sometime."

2/2 Suggestion 2012/06/22(Fri)21:34 No. 425164 ID: c811c4
File 134042609528.png - (83.50KB , 700x700 , 56.png )

My generous guide is waiting outside.

"Thank you very much for your help! I should be off, now, I can't keep people waiting for my return!."
>"Oh? Won't you stick around for a little bit? A lot of us would like to hear what it's like up above from someone who's actually from the outside! I won't keep you long."

>>425164
Do so. Oh, and on your way back, seduce her and let her find out you're actually a male. Let her wonder as to what this implies while you run like hell. Maybe even let them see you're a 'bold.

That'll get your story spread pretty quick.

>>425164
We don't actually know anything about the outside that would be useful in talking about it in relation to goblins, do we?

Well I guess if there's any chance at all of you managing to keep up the act under pressure we could stay and chat, but uh, how long has it been so far? If it's been an hour, we should go.