Valley of Love: Season 2 Reavz 2010/09/10(Fri)11:14 No. 277691 ID: 950529
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An Elder sign.
...Those motherfuckers.

gimme that garth butt

So now what? I see no bitches to be had, I'm at a loss. Where the fuck are you?

>>325
we still need to fuck a cat. I forget the names of them but I like the boob cat

Reavz 2010/09/10(Fri)12:18 No. 277695 ID: 950529
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..Huh? Oh. I didn't expect to still be hearing you after all this time. Then again, shifting in and out of insanity isn't a good way to judge how much time has passed.

I'm in no position to be "banging bitches". I'm in limbo.
Long story short, the things I'm leeching off are pussies and scared of their creators. They see one little sign and they curl into a ball and cry.
Luckily, the grip isn't as strong on a human, being adaptable and all.

The problem now is getting out and getting back on track somehow.
And how I'll achieve that, I have no clue.

>>327
by fuckin bitches, duh

so are we dead?

>>327
Well there has to be something here, go knock shit around until something breaks. How about that stupid image, is that something you can fuck with? Maybe it can work like a key or a door, or something. Is there anything else here that isn't nothing?

Wait... say something outloud, like, "Bring me a pie" and see if a pie magically appears.

yeah, experiment like hell.

So.... are you prepared to answer our questions now? What 'are' you? Because I am fairly sure elder signs don't harm humans.

>>327
So. Did the dude shoot you in the head or what?

Reavz 2010/09/13(Mon)11:30 No. 277703 ID: 950529
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I don't believe this is a physical realm. Pulling, pushing, grabbing, sweating and humping won't do anything. And though I can go for pie right now, I wouldn't be able to eat it.

If I got shot in the head, thus meaning I'm dead, then I am completely at a loss. My calculations always came up null regarding an afterlife, but perhaps this is the hallucination that occurs just before death. If that is the case then I hope it's over soon.

What am I? I am a human. Inventive, adaptable, flexible, persevering and short-lived: the perfect parasite. We feed on ancient sources until they are dried up, then move on.
Now see the elder sign as a lake: A human will float, but a human in a shell of ancient iron ore, powered by the liquified remains of beings millions of years dead, will naturally sink to its doom.
Does that make the human inside a car as well? No, just an idiot who was unable to adapt and is thus eliminated from the race of life.

Naturally, I won't share that fate.

>>335
Naturally, in this metaphor, the obvious solution is to leave the car and get a new one.

Of course, how you're going to do that is beyond me.

If you're human then what's with the horns?

>>335
Okay, so you're human. What are WE?

Also if the elder sign is fucking shit up, then FUCK ITS SHIT UP. Punch it!

>>335
Well, Shubb Nigurath isn't working why not try out Cthugga instead? like the gentleman above said. Switch cars... you know about Cthugga right?

Switch out some sex powah for some solar power?

I'm stupid, what's the elder sign? I know it's that leaf lookin thing, but what's it do/mean?

Reavz 2010/09/13(Mon)15:33 No. 277709 ID: 950529
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Hm! Very good. Switching cars would be the most obvious solutions.
However, though ditching my current "car" would allow me to swim the surface, there's the matter of the entire chemical refining process having been for nothing.
I could easily leech from Shubb Nigurath again right after ditching it, but I'd have to have sex with the entire world again before I get back to where I am now.
...Which isn't as pleasant as it sounds.
The other entities' refining processes are foreign and not as accessible.

The horns are the first sign that I'm making some process, but also a sign that this leeching is affecting my DNA. Which wouldn't have been a problem if I could have just finished the refinement process!

I won't tell you what you are because it might adversely affect your performance.
I can't punch things in a nonphysical realm, as stated before.

As an organic being I can't quite match my DNA with the god damn sun

The Elder sign refers to the Elder 'Gods', as they are affectionately called by mad cultists, who live in another starsystem. It is also where the entity I'm leeching off found its start, so it's easily scared by it.
Compared to humans Shubb Nigurath may be considered a "god", but it still has to worship the Elders.
Personally, I'm not a spiritual man. They're all aliens to me.

Well, then, is it time for me to leave this "car" and start from scratch?
There might be some shortcuts I could take, now that I've learned more.

>>341
Unless you've got a better idea, go for it. As long as you go bang those bitches we've got your back.

Yeah. Anything's better than being dead as a doornail. Let's switch.

Is it just me or were you somewhat erh 'limiting' your exposure

Sure sex is a big part of her portfolio, but so if family and especially parenthood, unless of course you were intentionally limiting your atunement to prevent the erh... bleed-over effects (like those horns of yours.) I mean it's just weird to see an acolyte of hers without any brethren or even a spawn or two?

Well technically Cthugga isn't 'the Sun' it's a high energy stellar entity which may inhabit or may 'be' the star Fomalhaut. If you wanted to join up you would probably want to talk to a Fire Vampire (vaugely humanoid red lighting/fire thing.) But yeah it's a little risky but if you succeed most other Elder Beings won't fuck with you for shit.

Then there's always Nodens Elder God of the Brocean, if you like doing manly things, the sea, and kicking Old One ass he and his crew of Nightgaunts always love another hand for the hunt.

Or there's Bast if you have a thing for cats... she does some motherhood aspects too, as well as dreamland travel and safety.

Reavz 2010/09/13(Mon)17:53 No. 277715 ID: 950529
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As I said, I am not a spiritual man.
I am no acolyte, and I follow no ridiculious rituals. All I follow is the truth: Science.
Now, as I also said, the chemical refinement process that lets me tap into Shubbywhatever's essence completely was the most accessible. Simply get the most varied DNA signatures, until there was bound to be a pattern in it that matched the Mothers.
Now I'll be dropping all of that when I like go of the chemical compound currently holding my bloodcells together. That means I have to start over, or find a different way to get the correct combination.

Now we have three options, or two for you, atleast.
One is simply using my newfound freedom to deal with those god damn PIs and their cultist ways.
Two is heading back to my laboratory in Greenland to research again, and hopefully do something with the signatures I picked up in all these years since I've been home.
Three is the wild card: I connect you with another compound so you can access someone elses mind. I know someone whose DNA signatures exceeded mine before I began my quest. Though I probably surpassed him now, it would save me years of work.
At the time I was unable to convince him to let me access his databank. He is aggressive and very convinced of his ideals.
But perhaps you can trick him.
It's highrisk.

Which pulls your fancies more, voices?

Option 1. Those bastards shot at you.

>>347
Option 1.

Payback's a bitch, and it's time you taught them that the Garth way.

Should have just built your car with emergency flotation bags, man.

Like a James Bond car.

Or just built it as one of those aquatic vehicles in the first place. They're goofy looking on land(usually, though I've seen one sweet looking one that TRANSFORMS), slow as hell at sea, but they don't sink.

No way to temporarily give yourself more.. 'buoyancy'? Making heavy objects buoyant is just a matter of making sure there is a ton of empty space in it.. so that it displaces more water than it weighs. Thus how battleships and the like float despite being so huge.

Though perhaps I'm taking the metaphor too far.

Might as well name up if I'm going to be around for a while..

>>350
More, probably inappropriate, extensions of the metaphor.

You could get someone to drag your ass out with tow cables tied to your car. Though that involves someone with 'equipment' strong enough to do that.. which would probably mean someone stronger than you yes?

The cheap bitch option is just pumping pingpong balls down into the wreck with a funnel system. The pingpong balls displace the water.. and are filled with air themselves. After enough go in the wreck rises up. Don't need anything powerful or sophisticated. Just keep pumping in balls and hope the vessel doesn't burst from the pressure of the balls.

But don't listen to me. I don't know how this shit works.

I say forget the PI's. Let us met this other fellow. I am interested to hear these 'ideals' of his, and the purpose you both have in collecting all these signatures.

>>347
4. you come to my house.
no, actually I pick 1 so we can get revenge!

>>352

You realize, of course, that doing so would likely sever all our ties with our current friend here permanently?

I would prefer it if we didn't lose so much research. That towing analogy sounds nice... getting some outside assistance would be good. Like, if you can send us to your associate, perhaps you can send us to someone else nearer that's more likely to be able to get you out of this predicament?

Wait, is there anything you can call upon that could dispel the Elder Sign? Like, one of the other 'elder gods'?

>>355
What would you rather? Work hard to recover lost ground or work hard to pay off the debt to someone we might not know is best to get involved with? We have to probably find someone with enough UMPF to do it. Even if we can get them to help, they'd probably want something.

Damned if you do...

Reavz 2010/09/13(Mon)18:49 No. 277725 ID: 950529
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Interesting!
I didn't expect nearly as much innovation from you, to be honest.
How does this sound:
1. I assign you to my friend's compound. You can convince or trick him to help me.
2. You take him to my lab so he can be assigned a more permanent position or you take him directly here to kick some detective ass and find my body, and only THEN go to my lab.
3. You use my research to undo the limbo.
I will be freed with all my progress intact, AND I'll have his entire databank at my fingertips.
All of Shubb Nigurath's power will be mine, and I'll have negated mankind's only weakness.

All in favor say 'fuck yes'.

>>357
Fuck yes, captain.

Fuck yes~

>>357
Fuck yes. Let's do this thing.

Wait... which weakness do you speak of?

>>357
The nature of those with power is to cling to it~

Nothing we could say at this point will change your mind now that you see a way to have your cake and eat it too. You wouldn't be here in the first place if you were a weenie.

Reavz 2010/09/14(Tue)14:17 No. 277731 ID: 950529
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Alright then.
I will assign you to his chemical compound, and you will be able to communicate with him as you had communicated with me.
But, he will not understand you or your origin. He is stubborn, simpleminded and strong in his convictions.
Negotiating with him may very well be impossible, so you will probably have to resort to trickery.

As I said, it is highrisk. Screw up and we are both doomed.

Transferring you in three.. two.. one..


Ah'm a poor alonesum cahboy~
Ah'm a long long way frem 'ome~
'n as ah ride down this prairy~
Ah got a long long way ta go~

Doo doodoo doo doo

Alonesome cahboy~
Pada padam~
Alonesome cahboooyy~

Somethin' somethin'~
Da da da~
Pum pa pum pum pum~

>>363
gettin' bitches all up in this shit. hell yeah.

I think he might have heard that.

Lonesome cowboy, lonesome cowboy, you're a long long way from home
Lonesome cowboy, lonesome cowboy, you've a long long way to roam

Who is this badass pimping man with a great taste in haberdashery?

Reavz 2010/09/14(Tue)16:24 No. 277737 ID: 950529
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Who is this badass pimping man with a great taste in haberdashery?
It's Rev Jackson!

And what does he do?
Make thar world a better place!

And how does he do it?
By what'ver means nec'sarry!


"Hmmnn.. Oh.. Are you leaving already?"
"Stay a while longer~"
"Ah stayed longer than ah should, dollies. Now's the time far me to move on ta an'ther place tha needs me."
"Oh, reverend~"

Ah give em my holy smile.
An'ther day starts wit thar bright sun 'n the lord smilin' dawn on me.
Time ta let these vixens face a brighter t'morrow.

>>369
You are one hell of a man, Reverend. One hell of a man. So where you headed now?

>>369
Waaaawaa...

I mean..

Buh.

..Take me now, handsome.

Reavz 2010/09/14(Tue)17:42 No. 277740 ID: 950529
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You are one hell of a man, Reverend. One hell of a man.
Ah know. Ah know.

So where you headed now?
Wher'ver tha Lord wills it! Ah heard thar cath'lics 'n Boston're 'aving some undead risin', 'n ah got two six-shooters 'n a whole load o' silver ballets.

"Y'all take good care of yarself, garls."
"You too, reverend!"
"Thank you for everything you've done!"
"We'll never forget you!"
"Hay hay- Ah'll always be with yar two in spirit, y'hear?"
"And us with you."
"That's mar like it. So long!"

So... you aren't concerned about suddenly hearing voices in your head? That's refreshing.

>>372
What's it like to screw Naga?

>>373
he probably thinks we're god.

REVEREND, WE ARE GOD. TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES.

>>375
Or maybe he's Coo Coo For Coco puffs, and he's used to hearing voices.

>>372
You know that guy who kept trying to get into your databanks? Why not head over to his lab since he's not there anymore?

Reavz 2010/09/15(Wed)12:13 No. 277746 ID: 950529
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Har 's a man who lirves a lafe of danger~
To av'ry one he mats, he starys a stranger~

When uv'ry move he markes, unother chance he tarkes-
Adds are he warnn't lave to seer tamurrow~

Na na na-

Sacred agent man~
Thay've girven you a namber, 'n taken 'way yar name~

>>378
so where are we going? can we go to taco bell?are we there yet? are we there yet? dad. dad. are we there yet? dad are we there yet?

>>377
Do this~

He didnt really noticed us yet, he must be bonkers like that damn K girl.

Should we be noticed?

I think I know how to get through to him...

There is a place that you are needed
Ladies unloved, hearts unheeded
Things just sparked soon they'll fade
A place unwhole, their friend unmade
And where messed up things things are going down...
Get your ass to Funkytown!

>>382
oh and they also need their faith restored *wink wink*

>>378
Well this guy's much more amusing that that oily scientist fellow. Lets go shoot up some zombies.

>>378

Gotta make a move to a
Town that's right for me
Town to keep me movin'
Keep me groovin' with some energy

Well, I talk about it
Talk about it
Talk about it
Talk about it
Talk about, Talk about
Talk about movin

Gotta move on
Gotta move on
Gotta move on

Won't you take me to
Funkytown

Reavz 2010/09/22(Wed)17:37 No. 277755 ID: 950529
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I just have to step in here to.. recieve my blessings.

Who is she?

>>388
A misty memory

>>387
Interesting girl there. Care to share more about her?

Reavz 2010/09/23(Thu)12:56 No. 277759 ID: 950529
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"Hello, Lillian!"
"I'm sorry, please make an appoint-- Oh! Reverend!"
"Hey thar, honey. Ah could use a bitta help fightin' the devil t'day."
"Right! I'll get your prescription right away."

So, just how does a giant talking insectoid-person get an interview and a job as a receptionist, anyways? I mean, I think she might get a few odd looks wandering around town looking for applications.

Or perhaps things are a bit different there?

Reverend, what medications are you on? S:3c

>>392
shhhh you're going to make her feel bad

>>393
I'm sorry! Um, we can make small talk about how she got the job? I'm sure she wouldn't mind chatting a bit.

>>391
wait wait! before you take those med's hear us out we were sent by another disciple who was tricked and strayed from the path! he is stuck in limbo! only by your divine powers can you set him free please! we beg you!

>>395
AARNO SHH

Reavz 2010/09/23(Thu)13:40 No. 277765 ID: 950529
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"Thanks, haney."
"Here's a glass of water too. How long has the devil been back?"
"Jus' an hour. Ah came streght to ya."
"I'm glad you did, reverend. I'll prepare you a bottle for when it comes back."
"The lord's provided me a powerfal ally in ya, Lillian."
"I'm just happy I can help."

>>397
DON'T TAKE IT, SHE'S THE REAL DEVIL. LOOK AT HER. SERIOUSLY.

YOU CAN'T END IT LIKE THAT D:< I FORBID IT. BRING IT BACK

OR BRING GARTH BACK :DDDDD

>This stuff tastes weird..
>Maybe it's the wrong kind.
>I should spit it out.