TLE 2009/08/06(Thu)21:23 No. 23921 ID: 728150
File 124961902264.png - (61.66KB , 928x900 , 2.png )

JACK HAMMER stands atop a tower, surveying the city before him. The city does not know him by that name, however. It knows him only as DONG MAN, MOLESTER OF EVIL.

JACK is standing sentry, waiting for evil to expose itself so that he may ravish it.

Oh hell-to-the yes.

>>23922
Double agreed. Time to go ravish some evil! Jack find evil, ravish said evil.

>>23921
Find short wall.
Assume captain morgan pose, shade eyes with one hand.
I've heard that helps.

TLE 2009/08/06(Thu)21:51 No. 23930 ID: 728150
File 124962065831.png - (27.34KB , 570x575 , 3.png )

>>23925
> Put a little Captain in you
JACK decides he'll get a better vantage point if he lets himself hang free.

It does not appear to be working.

TLE 2009/08/06(Thu)21:53 No. 23931 ID: 728150
File 124962078778.gif - (28.22KB , 611x444 , 4.gif )

>>23924
> find evil
JACK has been waiting for a while, now, and relying on looking alone doesn't seem to be getting the job done. He decides it's time to lose focus a little and let his divining rod take over.

Not long after his SCROTE-SENSE detects the presence of TERRIBLE EVIL. It is such a strong reading, JACK is not certain he is prepared for it.

THERE'S NO TIME FOR UNCERTAINTY.

YOU MUST BE HARD AS A ROCK IN THE FACE OF DANGER

>>23931
That is... rather disturbing.

Still, who else will handle this, if not you?

>>23931
Oh god what the fuck

...

Man up and go after it.
Or do you know anyone that you can call on for assistance that would trust your... extra senses?

>>23931
what is this i don't even

TLE 2009/08/06(Thu)22:18 No. 23941 ID: 728150
File 124962230978.png - (81.38KB , 769x607 , 5.png )

JACK decides he'd better take whatever evil awaits him to task. He could call for help, but he's not sure where anyone is. It's been weeks since he's seen TROJAN MAN, which is too bad since a little protection might come in handy soon.

He is on the scene in minutes and discovers a MONEY STORE has been penetrated forcibly. Glass is sprayed all over the ground. There's some other clear substance coating it and the broken pieces remaining in the dark, used up opening of the store.

He can hear soft movement inside. Something about the scene unnerves him - his senses are telling him danger is close, and he clenches in response.

>>23941
Leap into action, hips first.

>>23941
Carefully walk up and look inside from the edge of the window.

>>23942
>Hips first
Yeah right.

TLE 2009/08/06(Thu)22:54 No. 23950 ID: 728150
File 124962443860.png - (42.44KB , 630x555 , 6.png )

>>23942
>>23943
JACK begins moving toward the store, still debating with himself as to how he should approach the situation. Unfortunately, as he passes through the spray of glass, he discovers the substance accompanying it. With a loud, meaty "thwack" he slams into the storefront, missing its gaping portal just slightly.

As he pulls himself up, he catches a glimpse of what's inside. A woman wearing a nurse's uniform is expertly handling two sacks as though she'd done so all her life. The MEDICAL JELLY trap she laid seems to have worked, and she is aware of your presence.

The clerk appears to have been incapacitated.

>>23950
HELLO, NURSE!
UNHAND THOSE BAGS!

>>23952
Change that to 'Sacks' actually.

>>23950
Her sack handling skills are unrivaled! Quick we must stop this villain! Face hump attack!

TLE 2009/08/06(Thu)23:33 No. 23964 ID: 728150
File 12496267849.png - (76.34KB , 1351x672 , 7.png )

>>23952
JACK tries the diplomatic approach.

She seems unwilling to part with her goods, but is eager to share them with him.

>>23964
Quick! Do ... something!

TLE 2009/08/07(Fri)04:19 No. 23968 ID: 728150
File 124964399179.png - (54.02KB , 913x688 , 8.png )

JACK watches the woman slip out the backdoor and considers trying for the backdoor himself. A subtle mechanical whir drones periodically in the direction that she went.

>>23968
Now she's done it. Cockslap her.

>>23968

Run after that ass before it gets away in dildomobile.

TLE 2009/08/07(Fri)19:59 No. 24460 ID: 728150
File 124970036821.png - (33.00KB , 717x494 , 9.png )

>>23969
> Pursue and JUSTICE

JACK sets off after the assailant, passing the broken shop window as he goes. Something in the distance catches his eye.

TLE 2009/08/07(Fri)20:02 No. 24463 ID: 728150
File 124970051894.png - (48.42KB , 1002x472 , 10.png )

>>24056
What...?

Oh no! ASS MAN has commandeered the CROTCH ROCKET! JACK is torn between his deep love for his motorized plaything and his burning desire to fill that thief with his RIGHTEOUSNESS.

As JACK hesitates, the whirring outside gets closer.

>>24463

Bah the thief can wait. Our CROTCH ROCKET is our pride and joy! Get out there and kick some ASS! Watch out for potential ambushes!

He jacked your crotch rocket? what an ass.

TLE 2009/08/07(Fri)20:41 No. 24480 ID: 728150
File 124970291682.png - (26.86KB , 727x467 , 11.png )

>>24469

Yes! Women come and go, but SWEET RIDES are forever! JACK hurls himself high into the air in order to catch up with the ASS. As he crests his jump, he finds he has time to consider his plan of attack.

Use gravity to pound that ass!

>>24480
Grab that ass!
Stop car with foot, then throw him into a building or the roadway to deal some damage.
After that, pursue nurse.

TLE 2009/08/07(Fri)21:56 No. 24497 ID: 728150
File 124970740687.png - (88.60KB , 1013x1149 , 12.png )

>>24481
>>24483

JACK uses the full force of gravity, aided by the weight of his MIGHTY MAN-MASS, to block the car dead in its tracks. He then whips THAT ASS and tosses it aside when he's satisfied.

TLE 2009/08/07(Fri)21:57 No. 24499 ID: 728150
File 124970746074.png - (34.99KB , 906x445 , 13.png )

JACK sometimes excites too easily.

>>24497
Use Crotch Rocket to pursue Sack-Handling Nurse.
Make a mental note to announce that as her official name on the press release as revenge for the humiliation.

SZ 2009/08/08(Sat)07:05 No. 24540 ID: 4b96a7
File 124974035328.jpg - (12.58KB , 299x299 , datass.jpg )

>>24497

Get that Hot Rod outta the water and try to track the Nurse using your awesome SCROTE-SENSE!

TLE 2009/08/08(Sat)16:06 No. 24916 ID: 728150
File 124977276325.png - (69.93KB , 636x683 , 14.png )

>>24540
>>24501
> Find Nurse

The CROTCH ROCKET is in need of repair after JACK's assault. He doesn't think he has time to repair it before the thief gets away.

He uses his SCROTE-SEEK to hone in on the nurse's assets and rockets across the landscape at full thrust.

TLE 2009/08/08(Sat)16:08 No. 24918 ID: 728150
File 12497729017.png - (27.24KB , 477x278 , 15.png )

JACK's divinations have led him here, a few hundred yards away from the now-destroyed MONEY STORE. The thief lies on the ground, helpless. Her hat is missing, as well as the money.

Fresh FOOTPRINTS can be seen beside her.

>>24918
GASP!

A villain seems to have been subdued, but by someone other than you, Jack! We shall not let this injustice stand!

FOLLOW THOSE FOOTPRINTS.

>>24918
Take her with us.

>>24918
it is not right to steal, even if it is from a criminal! find a way to quickly restrain her and pursue the culprit!

TLE 2009/08/08(Sat)16:26 No. 24935 ID: 728150
File 124977398711.png - (20.80KB , 244x342 , 16.png )

JACK uses the only thing at hand he can find and ties the thief's hands with her dress. He also makes certain to blindfold her so she won't know which direction to run away.

As he's propping her upright, she begins to come to. She groans a little and seems generally disoriented.

>>24935
Sling her over a shoulder and follow the tracks.
Drop her off if you come by a police station or something.

>>24944
Give her a good spanking while you do this.

TLE 2009/08/08(Sat)17:04 No. 24984 ID: 728150
File 124977624961.png - (56.32KB , 868x529 , 17.png )

>>24970
JACK gives her rear a tentative slap. She's still too dazed to realize what's happening - punishment would be pointless right now.

>>24944
Thief in tow, JACK follows the FOOTPRINTS to a ravine. As he crests the lip he sees a giant airship. It's the SPECULOTRON! There's a figure carrying something approaching it.

>>24984
Right, drop whatsherface and yell your usual battlecry as you jump towards the figure.
Establishing dominance by showing no fear is essential.
Or jump on the Speculotron and hitch a ride.

TLE 2009/08/08(Sat)17:17 No. 25003 ID: 728150
File 124977705430.png - (12.40KB , 257x239 , 18.png )

>>24997
Right! JACK sets down his captive and braces himself for a leap. As he inhales, he realizes that he doesn't have a battle cry.

Maybe he should think of one?

>>25003
"You are so FUCKED."

>>25003
LOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL DOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSS
But seriously, how did you get this far without a battlecry?
Also, can we get an origin story after this adventure?

>>25003
DONG HOOOOOO!

>>25004
THIS.

>>25003
Evildoer! Prepare yourself for the milky white wrath of DONG MAN!

TLE 2009/08/08(Sat)17:46 No. 25072 ID: 728150
File 124977877859.png - (72.47KB , 1194x792 , 19.png )

>>25004
>>25014
JACK decides to try a few out at once. With a great heave, he thrusts himself into the air.

>>25072
Oh god, his ABS look like teeth ...

TLE 2009/08/08(Sat)18:23 No. 25131 ID: 728150
File 124978100776.png - (51.51KB , 846x922 , 20.png )

Gads! It's THE PROCTOLOGIST, one of JACK's most feared foes! The dastardly villain turns to meet our hero's gaze. A chill runs down JACK's spine, their last encounter left him with a lasting ache.

The thief must have been one of his many minions. The cur clearly abandoned her and took the loot in a bid to escape before JACK returned.

>>25131
GET YOUR UN-HOLE-SOME HANDS OFF THAT FILTHY LUCRE, YOU ASS-THIEVING TURDBURGLAR!

>>25131
"Looks like you're overdue for a checkup, PROCTOLOGIST!"

Beat the shit out of him while sound effects fly on screen. Wham! Biff! Zot! Kapow!

TLE 2009/08/08(Sat)22:13 No. 25369 ID: 728150
File 124979480864.png - (44.97KB , 1059x562 , 21.png )

>>25159
JACK shouts a challenge and punches at full force. THE PROCTOLOGIST ducks only a bit too late, losing a chunk of his prized mane to the penetrating strike.

TLE 2009/08/08(Sat)22:16 No. 25372 ID: 728150
File 12497949824.png - (99.47KB , 677x722 , 22.png )

>"Perhaps, Dongman! But first, allow me to give you yours!

THE PROCTOLOGIST uses his downward momentum and JACK's recovery time to his advantage, gripping the hero's strongest muscle in his icy cold clutches. He reaches around and probes his foe, searching for his deepest weakness.

JACK is frozen stiff, waves of pain and other sensations washing through him.

FIGHT BACK WITH YOUR PROSTATE!

>>25372
Bring legs together, fall backwards and toss him with those immensly powerful legs into the nearest wall behind you.

Clamp them buttocks together and throw him with the power of your mighty ass.

TLE 2009/08/08(Sat)22:41 No. 25396 ID: 728150
File 124979650725.png - (34.53KB , 409x391 , 23.png )

JACK's strength is slipping away from him with every surging wriggle of THE PROCTOLOGIST's violating fingers. He manages to throw himself off balance and fall backwards, but his foe remains steadfast in his grip and flips around to avoid being crushed.

JACK's vision is starting to blur.

then it is time to use your trump card..THE INAPPROPRIATE ERECTION!

A TERROR THAT PLAGUES MEN AT EVERY DOCTORS VISIT!

Suggestion 2009/08/08(Sat)22:53 No. 25401 ID: 7dcac7
File 124979718668.jpg - (52.11KB , 512x384 , scr12.jpg )

CLENCH LIKE A FUCKING BEARTRAP

TLE 2009/08/08(Sat)23:14 No. 25411 ID: 728150
File 124979849463.png - (43.17KB , 640x339 , 24.png )

JACK's power is draining by the second. He tries to produce a BENEVOLENT BONER, but only manages a quarter roll of Mentos.

He sort of wishes he hadn't tried, now. THE PROCTOLOGIST's advances seem encouraged by his efforts.

>>25411
Summon MEMORY OF CAN OF BEANS
Gain TEMPORARY GASTROINTESTINAL DISTRESS
Break wind.

>>25411
Roll over, crush him into the earth.

TLE 2009/08/08(Sat)23:32 No. 25420 ID: 728150
File 124979956373.png - (47.86KB , 626x474 , 25.png )

>>25415
This slows THE PROCTOLOGIST's progress. The temporary relief allows JACK to access a portion of his power. He can release a single devastating SEMINAL SHOT, but would likely destroy everything around him in the process. He does not have acuity of mind for anything less destructive - he's barely conscious as it is.

JACK can barely make out footsteps crunching in the gorge floor.

>>25420
FIRE!

>>25420
WAIT, DON'T FIRE! THE NURSE IS UP

The NURSE is tougher than she looks! Fire away!

>>25434
The Nurse is probably used to random discharges. After all, she plays with sacks all the time, from what we've seen.

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)02:05 No. 25523 ID: 728150
File 124980874665.png - (158.85KB , 694x1228 , 26.png )

JACK's only at partial strength, and his SEMINAL SHOT is merely a shadow of what it usually is. He lets his RIGHTEOUSNESS flood out upon the evil besieging him. The ground beneath him quakes and the sky goes dark, the sun blotted out.

JACK loses consciousness and falls into a deep, recuperative state.

>>25523
Jaysus chroist!

>>25523

Oh dear. That's a lot of semen.

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)02:23 No. 25532 ID: 728150
File 124980983736.png - (42.67KB , 614x435 , 27.png )

The world slides back into JACK's perception gently. He can hear water running, and the air is comfortably warm. He looks up and sees steam wafting against the unfamiliar ceiling.

A mirror... no, a blank TV sits before him. A REMOTE is resting on the nightstand beside him.

>>25532

This REMOTE. He must use it.

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)02:37 No. 25535 ID: 728150
File 124981063526.png - (47.52KB , 622x428 , 28.png )

>>25533

JACK uses the REMOTE on the TV. It turns on to PNN. One of the talking heads is talking about some unexpected eclipse that occurred yesterday. He doesn't seem to have anything useful to add to the topic. JACK finds it hard to pay him much attention.

>>25535

Eclipsed by the DONG maybe! JACK must find out where he is!

>>25535
Well lets investigate that FIRE.

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)03:11 No. 25541 ID: 728150
File 124981267956.png - (82.07KB , 992x1130 , 29.png )

>>25539

JACK turns off the TV.

He slips out of the bed and goes into the next room. It's very steamy in here, and there seems to be someone showering. GARMENTS litter the floor.

>>25541
HELLOOOOO NURSE

An intruder! Throw aside the curtain and reveal this nefarious individual!

But wait! There's a THING behind him!

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)04:34 No. 25551 ID: 728150
File 124981764617.png - (62.32KB , 492x645 , 30.png )

>>25543

JACK peels back the curtain and finds the thief! She appears to be at a disadvantage.

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)04:35 No. 25552 ID: 728150
File 124981771375.png - (79.94KB , 1133x712 , 31.png )

Perhaps not as much of a disadvantage as JACK thought.

The Japanese have a saying. If you soak a woman in semen and she doesn't run away screaming, she's yours forever. I have seen many videos of this peculiar romantic practice.

TAKE YOUR PRIZE, JACK!

>>25552
Say hi.

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)05:08 No. 25560 ID: 728150
File 12498197246.png - (37.31KB , 479x357 , 32.png )

>>25554

JACK cleverly diffuses the situation.
> "Hi."

The thief glares at him and says in a slow, calm tone.
> "Please leave."

>>25560
"NO U"

>>25560
"Sure, but do you mind telling me where I am and how I got here first?"

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)05:38 No. 25571 ID: 728150
File 124982149592.png - (24.62KB , 171x456 , 33.png )

>>25566

>"Oh sure. You're in MY FUCKING SHOWER. I brought you here after you saved me because I thought it would be kind to repay the favor. You're making me regret that choice. Now leave, dick."

The thief appears to be growing angrier.

>>25571
Satisfy her request and focus on catching the real culprit, The Proctologist. Discharge one last question to her as you walk out, if she knows how to contact the fiend.

>>25575
Satisfy her and Discharge

>>25575

> "Try John Edwards. That load you blew left him a smoking pair of knock-kneed legs."

( Going to bed, feel free to post suggestions. I'll update this evening, Central Standard Time.)

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)06:12 No. 25579 ID: 728150
File 124982355797.png - (58.91KB , 673x569 , 34.png )

(Forgot the image)

Maybe you can convince her to stop being evil and instead use her nurse powers for good as your sidekick. Even the mightiest dong needs somebody to take care of it.

>>25578
Return home, celebrate victory over PROCTOLOGIST.

>>25582
Before you're fully out of the bathroom, call back over your shoulder something along the lines of "You're quite capable and attractive, with a mean left hook, to boot. It's a shame you're involved in a life of crime, but you can still join the side of justice."

Perhaps find some way to work in an offer of joining forces, and/or an apology for any mess or discomfort the SEMINAL SHOT may have caused.

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)14:58 No. 25900 ID: 728150
File 124985511184.png - (39.43KB , 1059x435 , 35.png )

>>25582
>>25594
> Ask thief to join your party

She doesn't seem to be in the mood to talk.

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)14:59 No. 25902 ID: 728150
File 124985518427.png - (233.99KB , 1268x684 , 36.png )

JACK is getting tired of getting hit with things like fists and rags. He elects to wait in the other room until the thief is ready to talk.

>>25902
Lay on the bed, seductively displaying your powerful dong.

>>25902
See what else is on TV.

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)15:17 No. 25934 ID: 728150
File 124985623679.png - (248.80KB , 1057x683 , 37.png )

>>25904

JACK strikes a pose. His CONFIDENCE has risen.

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)15:25 No. 25948 ID: 728150
File 124985672557.png - (100.43KB , 591x580 , 38.png )

>>25909
JACK turns the TV back on. Besides the news, it's mostly just entertainment stuff. A movie catches JACK's eye, but it looks like it's ending.

>>25948

Looks like it was a documentary anyway.

>>25948
Well, lets wait for Hello Nurse to finish being wet and naked in the shower, then.

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)16:50 No. 25989 ID: 728150
File 12498618122.png - (32.57KB , 814x327 , 39.png )

>>25975

The thief takes her time, but JACK can wait - he's held this pose for weeks before. This is nothing to him.

She finally enters the room, fully clothed, and catches a glance of him. With a soft laugh, she sighs and speaks.

> "Are you for real? ... anyway, You were asking about the good doctor, weren't you? Didn't you mean to kill him? I never took you for one of THOSE kind of capes, but I never expected you to be sprawled out in my bed either."

>>25989
Reply that conversion is always a better option to death, but you had few options and had to resort to your last.

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)17:12 No. 26001 ID: 728150
File 124986311918.png - (12.04KB , 157x176 , 40.png )

>>25992

>"Conversion? That asshole was pure evil. You know that stupid little paper hat I was wearing? Anyone who wore one of those things had to do whatever that jerk told them. Anything."

She pauses a second.

> "Fucker got what was coming to him. It's weird, though. He was just some freak with an ass-obsession - in my whole time on the ship I never saw any evidence that he had the means to create those hats."

>>26001
"Perhaps he was working under a stronger villain."

>>26001
>You know that stupid little paper hat I was wearing? Anyone who wore one of those things had to do whatever that jerk told them. Anything.
Eeeeeeeeeugggh

>>26009
God the guy had to use hats to do that?
Why use a hat when you can strike a pose like this.

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)17:30 No. 26015 ID: 728150
File 124986424984.png - (11.25KB , 138x177 , 41.png )

>>26005

>"That's possible. We got shipments from all over the place every day. I didn't work in that section of the... *sigh* 'Speculotron', but there were always a lot of shipping boxes in receiving."

>>26015
-Get up from bed in manliest way possible.-
"WELL THEN MY SASSY SIDE KICK WE MUST GO CRIME IS A FOOT."

>>26015
What other things did he have his fingers in?
...
I mean crimewise.

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)18:58 No. 26110 ID: 728150
File 124986948561.png - (287.87KB , 1450x516 , 42.png )

>>26017
JACK Supermans into a side flip off of the bed, looking very determined while he does so.

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)19:01 No. 26118 ID: 728150
File 124986966636.png - (65.46KB , 514x555 , 43.png )

>>26017

The thief looks displeased.

> "You don't even know my name. Besides, I'm done with all this super crap. I just brought you here to sleep off your little episode - maybe get some coffee with the first non-mind controlled human being I've spoken with in the last two years."

>>26118
coffee is fine too.

>>26118
Yeah, bro, coffee is cool.

>>26118
Okay coffee's fine...ummm Lady?

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)19:46 No. 26222 ID: 728150
File 124987241143.png - (16.54KB , 380x249 , 44.png )

> "Ahhhh... no. You're kind of weirder than I expected. You're clearly spry enough to uh... get out of bed, so you're okay to leave."

She motions to the door.

>"I still feel partially responsible for all the awful things the doctor did. If you need any information from me, this is my number. Don't get the wrong idea. I repaid the favor I owed you."

She starts to push JACK toward the door, slipping a scrap of paper in his hand as she goes.

>>26222
give sad face before she closes the door.
NO ONE CAN RESIST SAD FACE

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)20:12 No. 26268 ID: 728150
File 124987394094.png - (45.52KB , 1354x529 , 46.png )

>>26233

>>26268
Curses.
Do we have something like a DONGCAVE?
Recover CROTCH ROCKET and return to it.
Plot to track down the wreckage of the Speculator and find out who was funding the...
Is Ass Man still alive?

Do you have a sidekick? Balls Boy?

>>26291
If not you really should. Or two sidekicks. Dongman and his Ball Boys sounds pretty neat.

>>26373
Both of them weild TESTICULAR MACES.

>>26396
Then we need an allied team. Cuntwoman and her two Ovarygirls.

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)21:36 No. 26425 ID: 728150
File 12498789747.png - (41.31KB , 539x342 , 47.png )

>>26275
> Secret hideout?
JACK bases his superheroing out of his FORTRESS OF SOLIDTUDE.
> Wreckage of the SPECULOTRON
It's probably still at the gorge. What's left of it, anyway.
> Is Ass Man still alive?
JACK isn't certain. He can pump the town for information if he needs to find out.
>>26291
> Sidekick?
JACK always felt kind of weird double-teaming evil with another man. He'd be okay with a female sidekick... or maybe a really pretty male one. Maybe. He could try to recruit one if he really needs backup.

JACK has a lot of ideas swimming around his head. Should he retrieve the CROTCH ROCKET, probe the wreckage of the SPECULOTRON for evidence of THE PROCOLOGIST's supplier, grope around town for ASS MAN, or find a nubile sidekick to spice up his encounters?

The NURSE will come around eventually. Search the wreckage for evidence!

>>26425
Meet official contact, see what the governmental response is.
You do have an official contact, right?

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)22:47 No. 26471 ID: 728150
File 124988324749.png - (22.52KB , 343x352 , 48.png )

>>26440

The government doesn't get involved in this kind of business as long as it stays under the radar. JACK hasn't had positive experiences with them in the few times his encounters have made global news.

>>26471
You don't know a police officer, or at least a reporter?
Oh well.

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)22:58 No. 26483 ID: 728150
File 124988390425.png - (21.31KB , 282x332 , 49.png )

>>26478

JACK tries to keep his exploits as quiet as possible. He can work on making some contacts if that would help, though. Some heroes have had positive experiences with officials. Not many, but some.

>>26483
Well, the usual deal is exclusive scoops in exchange for media protection, but whatever.
Would any of the amenities in the Fortress help with the objectives above?

Well lets first find the crotch rocket. It'll make the other options easier.

TLE 2009/08/09(Sun)23:42 No. 26523 ID: 728150
File 124988654937.png - (160.24KB , 938x659 , 50.png )

>>26486
JACK hikes back to the disabled CROTCH ROCKET and drags it to the nearest mechanic. A few hours later, it's ready to go.

>>26485
> Media protection in exchange for exclusives
JACK never really looked at it from that angle before. He's still a little hesitant, but can see the benefit in a setup like that.

>Items in the fortress that could help
JACK's best assets are on his person at all times. He has some items to service the CROTCH ROCKET, but the FORTRESS OF SOLIDTUDE is just too far away to drag a disabled vehicle. Other than that he has basic living amenities - bed, toothbrush, condoms, and so on.

>>26426
JACK rides the reinvigorated CROTCH ROCKET to the site of his battle with THE PROCTOLOGIST. There's a huge smoking crater, but all of the tell-tale residue usually left behind after one of his SEMINAL SHOTS is missing. Near the center of the crater JACK can make out several figures mulling about and a large truck parked near them.

He can only see a chunk of the SPECULOTRON's wreckage. Whether the rest was blown out of range or they were simply removed after the fact, he can't tell from here.

(Woo! 50th image! Have some shading to celebrate.)

Question the men!

>>26523
Who unloaded the area?
Hopefully they won't do a DNA check...

Unrelatedly, the other benefit to having contacts is the information flow.
And getting your take on the papers first.

>>26534
I'm more worried about someone attempting to clone him. That would be problematic.

TLE 2009/08/10(Mon)00:39 No. 26574 ID: 728150
File 124988995029.png - (31.14KB , 474x552 , 51.png )

>>26529

JACK heads to speak to the figures below, leaping off the lip of the crater and sliding down its steep wall.

TLE 2009/08/10(Mon)00:41 No. 26578 ID: 728150
File 124989006999.png - (31.80KB , 761x466 , 52.png )

On his way down, shots begin to whiz by JACK's head! The figures below have spotted him and are firing. Rock flies up in great clumps around him, pebbles spattering against his face.

Take evasive action and retaliate!

>>26578
smash the ground to create a crater suitable enough to take cover in and at the same time knocking the men with guns off there feet.

TLE 2009/08/10(Mon)01:52 No. 26653 ID: 728150
File 124989430514.png - (163.35KB , 995x729 , 53.png )

>>26614
JACK rips the ground a new crater, sending shudders throughout the region. Huge chunks of earth spring up, spurned by JACK's forceful caress, and catch some of the spray meant for our hero.

TLE 2009/08/10(Mon)01:54 No. 26656 ID: 728150
File 124989446188.png - (80.45KB , 849x697 , 54.png )

JACK takes refuge in this new, unfamiliar hole. He couldn't see if any of the gunmen were thrown off-balance, but it definitely sounds like there are fewer shots being fired.

>>26656
Pick up wall of cover and run at them.

TLE 2009/08/10(Mon)19:30 No. 27234 ID: 84ae51
File 124995781457.png - (128.50KB , 398x579 , 55.png )

>>26659

JACK gets under one of the massive sheets of rock sundered from the cliff-side and uses it as mobile cover. He continues to make untoward advances on his excitable assailants.

TLE 2009/08/10(Mon)19:33 No. 27241 ID: 84ae51
File 124995802728.png - (139.96KB , 591x571 , 56.png )

JACK manages to close the distance between him and the figures below. The rock he used for cover has been thoroughly chewed up by the incoming fire and is about the size of a manhole cover now.

The figures look like they're wearing something shiny and smooth - leather or latex, JACK's not sure.

Let me guess... they're the minions of the evil Mad Mistress.

>>27241
Firsbee it at the nearest one, pick up disoriented fool, use him as a weapon.

TLE 2009/08/10(Mon)19:48 No. 27270 ID: 84ae51
File 124995892137.png - (64.45KB , 467x363 , 57.png )

>>27247

JACK's never heard of a villain by that name. He hasn't seen these guys before, either. That isn't to say they aren't, he just doesn't know.

( Sorry, is this getting too trite? )

>>27270
Right, this has gone on long enough.
We can ask their beaten forms when they are weaponless, unmasked, and had the shit beaten out of them.

>>27270
No, no, just guessing.

Leap forward into the first one, hammering his face into the mud. Twist to the left and hurl the second bad guy far away, then spring rightward and pummel the last ne'erdowell.

TLE 2009/08/10(Mon)20:37 No. 27308 ID: 84ae51
File 124996186510.png - (269.24KB , 1098x1048 , 58.png )

>>27254
>>27275
> Beat ass. Possibly take names.

JACK discovers these individuals are only dangerous at range. They can't take a boulder to the face worth a damn.

Seeing the others dispatched so easily, the third figure goes weak in the knees and begins trembling, its carried weapon clattering impotently to the ground.

>>27308
Turn to the soldier who just pissed himself.
"There are two out comes surrender and tell me everything you know or feel the HARD DONG of justice."

TLE 2009/08/10(Mon)20:53 No. 27329 ID: 84ae51
File 124996283730.png - (23.30KB , 423x319 , 59.png )

>>27315

The figure falls to its knees and weakly nods, muttering something that's incomprehnsibly muffled through its mask.

>>27329
Tell him to repeat himself Yank the mask off if you have too.

>>27329
Stand uncomfortably close to his face.

TLE 2009/08/10(Mon)22:27 No. 27394 ID: 728150
File 124996844578.png - (46.28KB , 655x355 , 60.png )

>>27339

JACK is sufficiently uncomfortable.

TLE 2009/08/10(Mon)22:31 No. 27396 ID: 728150
File 124996869962.png - (128.23KB , 872x606 , 61.png )

>>27333

The figure mumbles something again. JACK has had enough and rips the mask off. It takes much more effort than he expected. When he finally frees the mask, a distended, blubberous... creature is exposed. It appears as though the head is comically squeezed into a tube it shouldn't physically be able to - the rest of its body doesn't match its face in expected dimensions.

The whale is emitting every liquid a face possibly could save for vomit, and JACK isn't ruling that possibility out in the near future judging from the thing's expression.

It lisps through layers of blubber, "Pleath dohnt khill me..."

now aks him who he is working for.

"Tell me everything and I'll CONSIDER it!"

TLE 2009/08/10(Mon)22:56 No. 27404 ID: 728150
File 124997019814.png - (150.96KB , 573x698 , 62.png )

>>27397
>>27399

He trembles and the contents of his ill-fitting suit shifts. After a few moments of thick sniffles and gasping wheezes, he looks up with a sliver of resolve in his eye.

> "Dhee ihs fhor dhypurhs... d-d-dhee ihs... ihs fhor dheeveeahns... b-b-bhut m... mhost uhv ahll..."

He hesitates. It sounds like he's reciting this pledge as though a soldier would repeat his name, rank, and serial number.

Let him finish, but don't forget your surroundings!

>>27404
Let him finish then tell him to see a doctor about that skin condition.

Suggestion 2009/08/10(Mon)23:17 No. 27418 ID: 9a71e2
File 124997142569.jpg - (48.17KB , 640x480 , 1239146129595.jpg )

>>27404
>D is for diapers, d is for divans, but most of all...

TLE 2009/08/10(Mon)23:21 No. 27421 ID: 728150
File 124997167675.png - (25.33KB , 899x329 , 63.png )

>>27405

JACK looks up from the tumor masquerading as a face and spots another figure in the distance.

> "... bhut mohst ahv ahll, Dhee ihs fhor..."

TLE 2009/08/10(Mon)23:23 No. 27424 ID: 728150
File 124997181821.png - (54.68KB , 429x504 , 64.png )

> "Dhee ihs fhoor dih -- GACK"

JACK only gets a second to look before a fine grey mist floods the air ahead of him. With a deafening "spurt!" and a disgusting crunch like an overripe melon being crushed, he watches his captive wilt from the impact.

>>27424
"YOU WEREN'T FINISHED TALKING"
and throw his corpse at the figure in the distance.

Damn! Chase the shooter down!

>>27418
>divans
Pretty sure that was deviance.

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)00:48 No. 27492 ID: 728150
File 124997687875.png - (151.11KB , 1146x830 , 65.png )

>>27426

JACK grabs the corpse and tosses it at the aggressor.

A beam rips through the air - a much broader version of what ended the hambeast - and vaporizes JACK's hurled projectile.

A loud "SPLAT" can be heard and some thick substance collides with the opposite crater wall.

Holy crap! Find cover!

>>27492
Clap your hands letting out a force of noise so powerful it kicks up a cloud of dust persue figure under cover of the cloud.

OH GOD THEY HAVE AN EQUIVALENT TO OUR SEMINAL SHOT!

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)01:48 No. 27513 ID: 728150
File 124998048828.png - (20.69KB , 374x182 , 66.png )

>>27497

JACK retreats to the safety of the original gorge in the center of the crater - the one where he originally fought with THE PROCTOLOGIST.

While in the safety of his cover, JACK takes a moment to cleanse himself of the STRANGE RESIDUE he was splattered with when his captive was killed.

Sneak away to gain vantage on the threat!

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)03:11 No. 27532 ID: 728150
File 124998548934.png - (14.05KB , 451x164 , 68.png )

>>27530

JACK pops up, preparing to slip out of the hole unnoticed. He sneaks a peak toward the origin of the blast. No one is there.

JACK realizes he's alone.

Take a SUBSTANCE SAMPLE to the SEMENOLOGIST for examination!

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)03:38 No. 27538 ID: 728150
File 124998707975.png - (126.57KB , 820x547 , 69.png )

>>27534
JACK arrives at the office of DOCTOR VAS DEFERENS, armed with a sample of the substance he retrieved from the crater.

> "Good afternoon, sir! Will you be making a deposit or withdrawal today?"

DOCTOR DEFERENS chuckles politely at his attempts at humor.

DONG MAN! This must be another mind controlled nurse! Grab the poor girl's hat!

Wait...what happened to the first hat, anyway? It's a vital clue and a potential danger to whomever has it. If DONG MAN can retrieve it, he can pay a PROSTITUTE to wear it and then follow her to see if she leads him to some answers!

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)03:54 No. 27544 ID: 728150
File 124998809672.png - (139.87KB , 823x558 , 70.png )

>>27540

JACK reaches in to the office and grabs the NURSE HAT. DOCTOR DEFERENS does not appear amused. The nurse seems confused and a little frightened.

> "H-hey! Sir, you can't - sir!"

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)04:23 No. 27547 ID: 728150
File 124998977677.png - (126.28KB , 829x556 , 71.png )

DOCTOR DEFERENS is not amused.

> "Listen, if you don't have any further business here, please leave. You've clearly upset my assistant."

If he know DEFERENS well enough, he can explain. If not, JACK can ask for the sample to be analyzed, but now I'm worried about the original NURSE. These baddies seem serious and she sounds like a major loose end. JACK should check on her. She gave him her number.

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)04:44 No. 27553 ID: 728150
File 124999106485.png - (132.64KB , 828x553 , 72.png )

>>27551

JACK doesn't know this man at all. He looked up SEMONOLOGY in the Yellow Pages and picked the biggest ad.

JACK asks DOCTOR DEFERENS to analyze the STRANGE RESIDUE he brought along with him. DOCTOR DEFERENS heads to the back to get to work, a little wary of leaving his assistant alone with this large, strange man.

A few minutes later he comes back, looking even more annoyed.

> "I don't know how you did this, but it's obviously a prank. This semen is composed of female DNA. That's not possible. This is a prank and I'm tired of wasting my time. Leave my practice before I call the police, sir."

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)04:46 No. 27554 ID: 728150
File 124999117696.png - (54.95KB , 713x551 , 45.png )

While he was waiting on the results of the analysis, JACK produced the scrap of paper the thief handed him, trying to assuage some of his concern for her well being.

Check up on Chloe!

Do we have a feminine counterpart? This seems to be the case.

How did we get our powers?

>>27554
Hey! That phone number starts with 555, and has only x's for the rest of it.

It's fake!

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)12:51 No. 27774 ID: 728150
File 125002028629.png - (42.49KB , 542x391 , 73.png )

>>27555

JACK calls up the thief.

> "Uh... hello? You're the cape, right? Nobody else knows this number. What did you find out?"

>>27774
Tell her there where some dudes who attacked you when you went back to the site captured one of them, but a bad guy shut him up and that this is big. (and incert sexual puns where ever possible)

Point out the sniper death girljizz. Ask if she knows anything that might be useful.

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)17:05 No. 27938 ID: 84ae51
File 125003551148.png - (77.82KB , 477x468 , 74.png )

>>27787

JACK confides that he was attacked by three mean in tight latex bondage gear. He exhausted two of them and managed to disrobe a third. He says that as soon as he got the subdued man's mouth open, a thick white goo splattered all over him. He says this is a big deal.

> "Uh... okay. That's a little disturbing, but I think I (sadly) know who you're talking about. Those are Kinks. I heard they're really just fetishists in special suits. They'd escort the daily shipments in and out of the ship, but they weren't part of the doctor's crew."

>>27856

> "I can't say I've ever heard of a... uh... "jizz" sniper, much less a female one. That's kind of fucked up."

The other end of the line goes quiet for a moment.

> "Oh! I did remember something that might help you, though! There was a logo stamped on every shipping crate we got from the Kinks. It was the symbols slash-dee-slash. Hope that helps. Hey, what am I supposed to call you, anyway? You never told me your name."

YOU MAY CALL ME DONG MAN, I STROKE OFF IN THE FACE OF EVIL TO PAVE THE WAY FOR A BETTER TOMMOROW...whats your name?

>There was a logo stamped on every shipping crate we got from the Kinks. It was the symbols slash-dee-slash.
>/d/

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

>>27938
Tell her your name is JACK. Whenever you press the superhero shit on her, she backs off.

>>27954
Jack is to generic go with Richard

>>27956
But it happens to be true.

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)18:36 No. 27997 ID: 84ae51
File 125004098356.png - (70.62KB , 524x417 , 75.png )

>>27954
>>27956
(Two agree on introducing JACK as himself)

JACK tells her his name and asks the thief for her own.

> "Obviously you can read, you got my number from that note. Did you just think the name above it was for decoration? ... It's Chloe. My name is Chloe. So, is that everything?"

>>27997
Thank Chloe and tell her you will let her know if anything comes up.

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)20:02 No. 28070 ID: 728150
File 125004613749.png - (62.77KB , 586x476 , 76.png )

>>28003

> "Ok. Good luck, try not to blow anything important up." *Click*

JACK hangs up the phone.

Looks like we need to find us some more kinks to wallop. Do we know where they might hang out?

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)20:10 No. 28083 ID: 728150
File 125004664495.png - (14.15KB , 410x154 , 77.png )

>>28076

JACK's only met them that one time. He's not really the "research and ravish" type, rather he's more the "perceive and plow" type. Other heroes usually flush out the baddies first. He's always willing to try anything once, though. Should he investigate? If so, how?

If not, what SHOULD he do?

>>28083
She said shipping crates so they must be coming in from some where head to the shipping docks.

What other heroes do you know? How do you usually keep tabs on them, for show-up-to-save-them purposes?

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)20:52 No. 28125 ID: 728150
File 125004917327.png - (8.07KB , 213x151 , 78.png )

>>28110

JACK's worked with TROJAN MAN before. Usually TROJAN MAN shows up on his own, but JACK figures he could probably spot him going on patrol tonight - he knows his usual haunts.

>>28096

There's a dock east of town that might be the staging ground for these shipments. JACK could go there and scope it out.

Better let Trojan Man do his own thing, until we know that he needs help or we need help. The docks seem like a solid lead. Even if there's no plot-important stuff happening there, that's a typical location for goons-smuggling-stuff scenes.

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)21:17 No. 28144 ID: 728150
File 125005064587.png - (118.21KB , 1058x594 , 79.png )

>>28127

JACK takes the CROTCH ROCKET down to the DOCKS to look for a good time. It's well past business hours, and most of the seamen have washed away for the night. JACK looks around for a while and finally finds a pier that's crawling with activity.

On the horizon JACK can see something massive floating offshore. It looks as though it's poised to receive whatever's being loaded here.

>>28144
Wait till something interesting happens.

>>28144
Casually walk in to the docks they won't suspect a thing.

We have no stealth, so lets push right into the wet, messy situation.

TLE 2009/08/12(Wed)04:35 No. 28425 ID: 728150
File 125007692614.png - (209.60KB , 1193x675 , 80.png )

>>28168

JACK walks straight up to the docks. THE KINKS take note of him, but continue working. They're loading a bunch of crates onto a small boat moored to the pier.

JACK notices one chatting to himself, probably over an earpiece radio or something.

>>28425
Try and take a peak at what is in the crates.

Walk past them while whistling as though nothing is wrong.

Look for someone not wearing a mooksuit. They'll be the leader.

TLE 2009/08/12(Wed)04:50 No. 28428 ID: 728150
File 12500778211.png - (54.49KB , 721x432 , 81.png )

>>28426

JACK waits until no one is looking and pops open one of the containers. It's full of the same kind of hat Chloe was wearing. Pasted on the side of the box is a shipping label addressed to THE SPECULOTRON, with a large red "Cancelled" stamp over top it. A more recent label placed beneath it reads "Return to Sender".

( Okay, last update for the time being. Hitting the hay. )

Stuff our masculine frame into the tight, soft box. We'll get to the bottom of this.

>>28428
Find the adress's of the reciever and the sender.

TLE 2009/08/13(Thu)16:29 No. 29198 ID: 84ae51
File 125020616372.png - (97.50KB , 534x509 , 82.png )

>>28430

JACK manages to squeeze himself into the box, but it's a tight fit. He pulls the lid back overtop him and waits.

This can't possibly go wrong!

>>28573
The shipment was addressed to a 1418 Hershey Highway, but there's a "Return to Sender" stamped on the label. The sender is marked only as DMITRY'S DEN, the same sender as the other crate JACK checked.

After a while of waiting, JACK feels the box begin to move and figures it's probably being loaded onto the boat he saw earlier.

He has enough strength and self control to pull out of the box any time he wants - either prematurely or after all the movement's stopped.

>>29198
Wait until all movement has stopped.

D is for diapers, D is for deviance, but most of all...

D IS FOR DICKGIRLS

THE JIZZ SNIPER IS A DICKGIRL WITH A LARGE BORE RIFLE. A POTENTIAL RIVAL TO OUR OWN MEAT!

You saw the accuracy of their seminal shot.

Suggestion 2009/08/14(Fri)09:32 No. 29436 ID: 4e0411
File 125026753710.jpg - (47.72KB , 640x480 , 8DMajorasMask.jpg )

>>29198
>DMITRY
>/d/
I see wut u did thr

TLE 2009/08/14(Fri)13:38 No. 29480 ID: 84ae51
File 125028233512.png - (81.88KB , 463x617 , 83.png )

>>29199

JACK rides until the box stops moving. He stays inside for a few more minutes, just to make sure everything's settled down. With a great push he floods the box with his manliness, pushing at the walls until it can take no more. Shards of wood fly in every direction and JACK is free.

In an instant he finds himself being bound by an incredibly resilient cable.

TLE 2009/08/14(Fri)13:42 No. 29482 ID: 84ae51
File 125028255114.png - (99.32KB , 750x630 , 84.png )

> "I think I'm starting a meathead zoo. You idiots just keep showing up, practically begging to be captured."

A lithe woman with a suspect bulge in her crotch stares down JACK, apparently berating him.

> "Honestly, did you really think you were going to sneak in to a highly guarded /d/eviant freighter in a shipping crate you climbed into in plain daylight, boy? Although, I suppose I should be thanking you. Now that you and your idiot friend are both here, there's no one left to disrupt our business in the city."

JACK steals a glance around. He's in a large metal chamber full of crates, probably the hold of the ship he saw on the horizon earlier. There are rafters running along the ceiling. From one of them hangs a tied and bound TROJAN MAN, who looks extremely upset.

How well do you think you can aim your crotch laser..might be able to cut trojan man down...

>>29482
Strain against the bonds and ask for her name.

TLE 2009/08/14(Fri)14:41 No. 29494 ID: 84ae51
File 125028607779.png - (37.03KB , 176x418 , 85.png )

>>29485

JACK is known for quantity, not accuracy. A SEMINAL SHOT would utterly destroy the ship, and probably TROJAN MAN along with it.

>>29486

JACK strains against his bindings. He can feel the wires wrapping about his MIGHTY DONG give under its tremendous tensile strength.

> "They call me Dick Girl, but you can call me 'Mistress', boy. You'll make a good table, I think, or a foot stool. I'm not sure, yet."

>>29494
Your a girl with a dick named Dick Girl who original.
If we flex our dong can we break the wires.

Challenge her to some sort of...dick...contest.

a dick off.

>>29500
...A cockfight?

>>29501
Definitely a cockfight.

COCKFIGHT!!!

Aren't their apes that practise penis fencing? Let's do that.

>>29496
He's a man with a dong called dong man.

>>29598
Glad to see someone understands sarcasm :P.

TLE 2009/08/14(Fri)20:14 No. 29652 ID: 728150
File 125030604737.png - (103.43KB , 660x641 , 86.png )

>>29576

JACK doesn't have an ape handy at the moment. Maybe later.

>>29496

JACK bulges out of the cord. Tatters of it snap and fly in every direction.

DICK GIRL blanches.
> "W-what? That's cuntanium alloy!"

TLE 2009/08/14(Fri)20:16 No. 29653 ID: 728150
File 125030618240.png - (98.85KB , 1500x768 , 87.png )

>>29500
>>29501
>>29511
>>29573

> CRA... er... COCK BATTLE!

JACK flexes his assets in challenge. DICK GIRL takes a step back.

> "You're more trouble than I expected. I guess I'm going to have to go all out on you."

TLE 2009/08/14(Fri)20:19 No. 29656 ID: 728150
File 125030639031.gif - (611.31KB , 550x400 , 88.gif )

DICK GIRL unsheathes her weapon. JACK sees an opening.

(Animooted. Sorry for horrible quality/glitching. /quest/ suddenly decided SWF wasn't okay to upload after all.)

>>29656
Cockslap her, quickly!

>>29656
Take advantage of the opening! Give a mighty forward thrust!

Deflect her dong and thrust through her thighs with your own mighty meat missile.

Maybe headbutt her at the same time.

Catch her attack with your teeth. Its the only way.

>>29656
Be careful, Dong Man. Remember what happened to that Kink. Her forte seems to be precision Seminal Shots (the complete opposite of yourself), so it might be a good idea to find cover.

>>29687
Hmm...if her forte truly is precision SEMINAL SHOTS...perhaps we could goad her into releasing a few loads, dodging towards TROJAN MAN until she is tricked into shooting through his rope. Then, protective compatriot in hand, we double team her into submission.

At the very least, her load-lobbing abilities are more versatile than our own, as she's used them both to snipe through a kink's skull and then vaporize it's body in midair. While less powerful than our own epic effusions, they are still nothing to take lightly.

We need protection. We should try to get Trojan between her sticky mess and ourselves as quick as possible.

>>29653
Stay on the ground, jumping makes for an easy target. Manuever until you won't hit TROJAN MAN and then launch a SEMINAL SHOT. Take a life-raft and escape.

TLE 2009/08/15(Sat)02:49 No. 29740 ID: 728150
File 125032978923.png - (516.13KB , 1931x2443 , 89.png )

>>29657

JACK moves in to strike with a powerful swing of his man-pole, but DICK GIRL is faster than he expected! She parries him and counters with a quick FEMINAL SHOT.

JACK rolls out of the way and dashes to find cover.

>>29695
>>29700

He continues to draw her fire until he feints and leaps forward, bringing TROJAN MAN's bindings between himself and the incoming projectile.

DICK GIRL realizes what's happening a second too late and, though she clutches her weapon hoping to stem its release, a small blast still spurts forth. TROJAN MAN lands on the ground, cat-like and angry.

>>29740
Attack, trust TROJAN MAN to protect you.
He's got your back, I'm sure.

Draw her fire while Trojan Man moves in!

TLE 2009/08/15(Sat)03:13 No. 29743 ID: 728150
File 125033120148.png - (141.32KB , 880x686 , 90.png )

>>29741
>>29742

JACK suggests double-teaming DICK GIRL with TROJAN MAN.

TROJAN MAN expresses a keen interest in doing so, but lacks the necessary equipment at the moment. He explains that they took his spear and shield and stowed it away in storage somewhere on the ship. He says that he'll be useless in a fight against a woman of this endowment without his pole and protection and suggests he go search for them.

Distract her while TROJAN MAN searches for his equipment!

>>29743
He can handle the Kinks, though?
Distract her while he grabs his spear and shield.
And by 'distract', I mean mean 'cockslap into a coma'

TLE 2009/08/15(Sat)03:41 No. 29746 ID: 728150
File 125033291574.png - (28.37KB , 214x427 , 91.png )

>>29744

JACK gives DICK GIRL a show while TROJAN MAN slips himself through the backdoor.

TLE 2009/08/15(Sat)03:44 No. 29747 ID: 728150
File 12503330685.png - (71.01KB , 346x748 , 92.png )

DICK GIRL is not amused.

> "That idiocy might have defeated a bunch of perverted forum-going fat boys in suits, but I think you'll find I'm a whole different breed of opponent!"

JACK felt that last one. Providing a distraction is more painful than he expected.

>>29747
Try landing as close as you can to her.

After you land, continue dodging to the best of your ability. She can't keep firing forever! ...can she?

Her specialty seems range. Lets engorge further and go for a cockslap!

You do realise a distraction can also be a proper fight, right?

TLE 2009/08/19(Wed)20:59 No. 31725 ID: 728150
File 125074076866.png - (74.68KB , 635x574 , 93.png )

>>29748
>>29783

JACK tries to get inside of his opponent's guard, aiming his soaring mass toward her. DICK GIRL takes the opportunity to unload all over JACK's hand. It burns.

JACK lands gracelessly, arm singed and numb. He is, however, in DICK GIRL's personal space.

>>31725
Cockslap to the face.

Pound that dick girl!

TLE 2009/08/19(Wed)21:17 No. 31738 ID: 728150
File 125074183044.png - (55.47KB , 471x612 , 94.png )

>>31726

JACK brings his bulk to bear, swinging his package with all his might. DICK GIRL takes it in the face, opening her mouth. Unfortunately for JACK, she uses her teeth.

The two are now locked in a mouth-to-crotch grapple!

OH GOD

>>31738
GRAB HER BY THE HAIR AND BUNCH HER IN THE FACE.

TLE 2009/08/19(Wed)21:44 No. 31759 ID: 728150
File 125074349018.png - (44.33KB , 585x353 , 95.png )

>>31740

JACK decides punching her would be a better idea. He grabs DICK GIRL by the ponytail, pulls it tight, and punches her as hard as he can in the back of the head.

TLE 2009/08/19(Wed)21:46 No. 31763 ID: 728150
File 125074358544.png - (61.02KB , 489x364 , 96.png )

DICK GIRL spins and sails through the air, momentarily limp. She crashes through a nearby crate and finally skids to a halt on the cold metal floor.

>>31763
Make sure she's down if not finish her with a hard thrust of your mighty dong. Then tie her up and question her.

>>31763
Well, lets hope she's having trouble getting it back up.
I mean... getting back up. Lets hope she's having trouble getting back up. She seems pretty spent is what I'm saying.

TLE 2009/08/19(Wed)22:15 No. 31789 ID: 728150
File 125074531329.png - (76.99KB , 680x497 , 97.png )

>>31777

JACK approaches his downed opponent. As gets closer, he spots DICK GIRL furiously adjusting her weapon back to fighting form. It glows vibrantly - it's clear a FEMINAL SHOT is welling up.

JACK isn't sure, but bets he could probably get there before she gets it off.

GET UP CLOSE AND PUNCH THE SHIT OUT IF HER AGAIN. NO MORE FUCKING AROUND.

>>31789
Run in, grab it, and squeeze. You may be able to prevent her from getting the shot out, and without that capability, she does not appear nearly as formidable compared to your own MANLY PHYSIQUE.