say hello to the lights, they look friendly

>>1702
Push green buttan, gently and politely.

touch the white lights to your left.

Shout for attention in a manly fashion.

Say "Hi, Desu!" to Suiseiseki.

Become momentarily overcome by deja vu.

Shake the feeling off. Push both lights simultaneously.

Clarify the pronunciation of your name.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)16:55 No. 1713 ID: fb5d8e
File 124640615737.png - (34.67KB , 800x600 , 2.png )

>>1704
The lights flicker on. Mudy is in a box!

>>1705
Ouch!

>>1711
Mudy thinks that his name is pronounced mew-dee or something.

>>1713

Push the white button.

That is a button, right?

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)17:01 No. 1716 ID: fb5d8e
File 124640647774.png - (36.70KB , 800x600 , 3.png )

>>1715
A synthesizerkeyboard pops out the wall! It is followed by a female robotic voice,
>"Select destination."

Play Moonlight Sonata.

Realize you're a kobold. Despair.

Push the red button and then the white circle which is not your eye.

>>1716

Florida!

Press random keyboard buttons until something happens.

>>1716
Where the party is at.

play Through the Fire and Flames.

>>1716
Oh, so that's how it is?

Type in "ARMORY."

>>1716

Play "Heart and Soul." One of the simplest songs there is.

>>1716
Press the demo.

>>1716
Mash the keyboard repeatedly and randomly, making a while cacophony of notes!

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)17:11 No. 1729 ID: fb5d8e
File 124640711815.png - (37.87KB , 800x600 , 4.png )

>>1718
Mudy plays this wonderfully with little effort - He is a bard after all!

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)17:12 No. 1730 ID: fb5d8e
File 124640716038.gif - (209.98KB , 780x580 , 5.gif )

The robotic voice says,
>"Destination accepted."

Suddenly - everything begins to rumble!

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)17:13 No. 1731 ID: fb5d8e
File 12464071873.png - (58.10KB , 800x600 , 6.png )

*PLOP*

Mudy finds himself on the balcony of a fucking tall tower.
Inside he hears a female voice singing.

Investigate female voice.

Sing along with her song, then suavely reveal yourself.

>>1731
OH SHIT HEIGHTS! YOUR ONLY WEAKNESS!

>>1733
this, sing along and reveal yourself like a smooth mother-noserubber.

>>1733

This

>>1733
>>1732

In that order.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)17:26 No. 1739 ID: fb5d8e
File 124640796530.png - (107.09KB , 800x600 , 7.png )

>Locked up here
>For a thousand years
>But a prince will come one day
>And when he sees me he will say

Not wasting any time, Mudy immediatly calls upon his bardic skill to join in on the (somewhat terrible) song.

>Our love will set you free
>So, will you marry mmeeeeeeee

The bathing elf falls silent.

Apologize and avert eyes.

Hand her a towel. Introduce yourself.

What does this have to do with Moonlight Sonata?

>>1739
Attempt to seduce! Waggle those eyebrows or equivalent!

>>1744
We can worry about details later!

Right now we have a situation in need of immediate attention!

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)17:36 No. 1747 ID: fb5d8e
File 124640856840.gif - (132.38KB , 800x600 , 9.gif )

Mudy hands her a towel from her bed, which she uses to cover herself with, and he introduces himself in the most suave way possible.

The elf is silent for a moment, her eyes fixated on the little creature before her.
Then she speaks,
"Are you my prince?"

>>1747
Baby I'm whatever you want me to be. Nice nose. Ever... rub it?

>>1747
"I'm anything you want, baby."

>>1747

"Looks like it, my dear."

"Royalty, I am not. But if it is love and freedom you desire, I have those in abundance."

Don't directly answer the question.

Say "I'm Mudy."

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)17:46 No. 1754 ID: fb5d8e
File 124640921322.png - (110.93KB , 800x600 , 10.png )

>"I am anything you want me to be, my dear."
Mudy says in the most seductive tone he can manage.
The elf leans over, inspecting Mudy up close.
>"But majesty, thou art dressed in rags and scented of vermin! And a witchess hath tranformed thee into a horrible monster."

Use bard skills to convince her that you are an incredibly handsome and manly prince.

>>1754
Tell her your curse can only be lifted by a beautiful virgin princess.
She must [physical act here] you.

Personally I recommend "rub noses with".

>>1754
>scented of vermin!
"About that. Could I use your bathtub after you're done with it?"

>>1754
Open mouth, show off the multiple rows of pointed teeth.

Does this look monstery to you?

>>1758
.... Yes?

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)17:58 No. 1760 ID: fb5d8e
File 124640992170.png - (106.66KB , 800x600 , 11.png )

Mudy tells her the dreadful story of his curse, and how it can only be lifted by a beautiful virgin princess. He adds in a part about true love and destiny.
The princess is devouring his story, her expression growing more delighted by the second.
Just as Mudy works up the courage for the risque part about noserubbing, she interrupts him,
>"Then we must be married at once! Oh, dear prince Mudy, I feel as if I had loved thee for all mine life. Thou must be introduced to mine father, the king, and present all of your land, underlings and riches so he may give us his approval!"

>>1760
>marriage

RUN AWAY, MUDY. RUN AWAY AND TAKE HER +Kobold bone mirror+ WITH YOU!

>>1760

Well...shit.

Tell her your realm has been usurped by your most trusted advisor, and you no longer have possession of said riches and underlings and what-not. Maybe she'll buy it.

>>1760
Tell her you have no underlings or belongings of any kind. Your worldly possessions were destroyed by the witchess, obviously. All you have is your song of love and the passion burning in your heart.

Her father, though a proud and noble man as he must be, cannot shackle their love, which must soar free and pure like a beautiful dove.

And if that's not enough for her, she's welcome to tell him to kiss off and stay where she is in this tower for the next few hundred years.

Tell her to go fetch her father while you wait in her room. When she leaves, loot crown and other valuables, then flee.

>>1764
Seconding this.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)18:07 No. 1767 ID: fb5d8e
File 124641045679.png - (107.50KB , 800x600 , 12.png )

>>1763
Mudy laments about how his once great kingdom has been usurped by most trusted advisor after the curse fell upon him. He tells her about once glorious streets are now filled with tears and feces.
The princess reaches out to comfort Mudy, obviously distressed by the story. Mudy's heart beats a little faster.
>"Oh dearest prince, what horrors have fallen upon thou. The king will not approve of prince without a land.. But, I shall, most beloved fiancee. I have faith in thee, and I know that thou will succeed in thine journey to regain control of your country. I just know thy will."

>>1767
Hey STUPID. Your towel is getting all wet when you keep going down into the water again.

>>1767
Excellent. Put on a brave face, tell her that her love is the only sustenance you need, the only drive which is required to propel you forward into this noble duty.
Tell her that her kind words are the balm which soothes your pained soul, and with her love buffeting you like the strength of a million men, your victory is certain.

Then go out and get yourself a fucking KINGDOM.

Quest Objective Received: Acquire a Principality.

Don't ask her to come with us. If she'd agree we'd be trying to protect her and she might realize we have no clue where we are or what's going on.

Sigh, look sad, but offer her a charming smile and ask if we can at least borrow her bathtub and maybe a very small set of better clothes.

Hold on to your asses, because SHIT JUST GOT EPIC

A thief has stolen a *Dwarven Kingdom of Toilgears*!

>>1767

Kiss the princess.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)18:34 No. 1777 ID: fb5d8e
File 124641207273.gif - (302.79KB , 800x600 , 13.gif )

>>1769
Mudy informs the princess that her that her love is the only sustenance he need, the only drive which is required to propel him forward into this noble duty.
He tells her that her kind words are the balm which soothes his pained soul, and with her love buffeting him like the strength of a million men, his victory is certain.

The princess, a red glow on her face, leans over,
>"It's dangerous to go alone. Take this."

Oh, but before you leave, ask her one last thing:

If, when this quest is completed -- if, when you fight nobly in her name, wrest your country back under your control, vanquish the evil forces, amass a treasure simply for her glory, and shower her in the actions of your true and undying love -- if after all these love-borne toils have been completed, your curse is not lifted, and your noble soul remains trapped in this form... what then?

Would she, at day's end, still turn away from you and shun your visage, forsaking you forever despite your noblest intentions, proving love shallow, as that of a cold and wintry pond?
Or would she love you still? Does your love instead run deep and wild as the greatest of rivers, a torrent of passion and undying devotion that does not heed boundaries and obstacles, but instead roars and roils across them, pouring over the blockades of fate which seek to dam your progress and emerge victorious at last at the sea of love?

This, you must know, before even step one can be taken.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)18:35 No. 1779 ID: fb5d8e
File 124641212383.png - (106.89KB , 800x600 , 14.png )

Stumbling away, Mudy stutters a mangled farewell to the princess and exits the way he entered.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)18:36 No. 1780 ID: fb5d8e
File 124641218031.png - (57.63KB , 800x600 , 15.png )

END OF PROLOGUE

MAIN QUEST ADDED:
>GAIN KINGDOM

MUDY HAS SUCCUMBED TO ILLNESS:
>LOVE

>>1778
Oh, aw, sorry, I missed that one.

This is adorable and the noserubbing was just perfect. Excellent show, Reaver old bean.

Goddamn!

Suggestion 2009/06/30(Tue)20:58 No. 1787 ID: fb5d8e
File 124642069327.png - (42.56KB , 800x600 , 16.png )

>BEGIN CHAPTER 1
>"THE TOWER"

Suggestion 2009/06/30(Tue)20:58 No. 1788 ID: fb5d8e
File 124642072487.png - (55.47KB , 800x600 , 17.png )

Mudy is stuck on the balcony!

>>1788
Jump, catch yourself with the ground!

Can we climb or slide down? Examine surroundings for a good way down.

This will be hugely inappropriate if we have to go back inside. If we do, don't forget to ask >>1778 however.

>>1788
Use curtain as parachute.

Suggestion 2009/06/30(Tue)21:08 No. 1792 ID: fb5d8e
File 124642133611.gif - (398.24KB , 740x600 , 18.gif )

>>1790

>>1792
...Use curtain as parachute.

>>1792
PICK A FLOWER AND GIVE IT TO THE PRINCESS
GIVE HER A LITTLE PRICK WITH IT AND TELL HER SHE BETTER GET USED TO IT

>>1792
Just climb down the stalk of flowers, talking to the girl again would totally be awkward.

>>1792

Climb down that sucker.

We still don't know her name and we still don't know if she'll love us if we don't turn human.

... but that's not a good enough reason to fuck up our exit!!!

Climb down vines. If possible, leave a flower on the balcony.

Suggestion 2009/06/30(Tue)21:30 No. 1799 ID: fb5d8e
File 124642264250.gif - (251.54KB , 800x600 , 19.gif )

Ooooh, he just can't go back inside! After that noserub.. He can just feel his heart in his throat thinking about!
No matter what the height, he's going to climb down this wobbly spikey stalk! ..But he's gonna keep his eyes closed.

Suddenly he hears a voice below him.

Suggestion 2009/06/30(Tue)21:32 No. 1800 ID: fb5d8e
File 124642274644.png - (29.25KB , 800x600 , 20.png )

>"What?! What vile monster is this? What art thou doing here, vermin? If thou has done anything to mine future bride princess Silvermoone, by Silvanus' longbow, I shalt..!"

>>1800
Kill it dead!

"Hail and well met, fellow humble suitor! I am Mudy. I've not harmed your princess, and I'm not looking for trouble. If you could show me the simplest way off of the palace premises, I'll just be on my way for now."

>>1800

I have a bad feeling about this...

Recount your tale to him. If we're lucky, he'll be just as big of a sucker as the princess was.

Seduce him. He's seen up your skirt, it should be easy.

>>1804
>Recount your tale to him.

No! He'll confront the princess about it and try to talk her out of buying it.

No, he should only get fragmented tales, not our whole masterpiece.

Suggestion 2009/06/30(Tue)21:45 No. 1809 ID: fb5d8e
File 124642350940.png - (29.28KB , 800x600 , 21.png )

>>1803
>>1804
>"Hail and well met, fellow humble suitor!"
, Mudy begins,
>"I am Mudy. I've not harmed your princess, and I'm not looking for trouble. If you could show me the simplest way off of the palace premises, I'll just be on my way for now."

>"Fellow suitor?!"
, the elf responds,
>"What mockery is this?"

Mudy repeats the story of how he lost his kingdom and was placed under a curse, this time placing more emphasis on heroic battles and self-sacrifice.
The elf grinds his teeth.
>"By the oaktrees of Goldleaf forest, I just spend the entire afternoon climbing up this stalk, but my code of chivalry prevents me from denying a man in need! The golden hair of Elonis, someone please kill me!
>Very well then. Hop on my back and I'll take you down to the gate."

Ask him if he might direct you to the nearest armory so you might 'acquire' weaponry and accoutrement.

Hot damn, I was wrong. It worked!

"If you'll hold still, I could climb past you. I could use some directions, though."

>>1809
Suggest that your nose is bigger and thus more well suited to the vigorous rubbing that such a princess requires.

Compliment his kindness and valor.

>>1812
There'll be time for insults later. Like, after we have some money. And not to someone we need help from.

>>1813

This. And also thank him for understanding.

Suggestion 2009/06/30(Tue)22:06 No. 1817 ID: fb5d8e
File 12464247687.png - (54.00KB , 800x600 , 22.png )

Mudy compliments the elf on his kindness and valor. His eyes twinkle for a moment, but he quickly falls back into his grump at the request of a blacksmith.
>"FINE!"

He grabs Mudy and pulls him down the stalks, through the courtyard, out the gate and down busy streets and markets. Mudy is shaken and stirred, bumping his head more than once.

At the end of the ride they have arrived in a silent dark alley, where the elf tosses Mudy on the ground in front of a small stand.
>"There! Thine blacksmith! All the way on the other part of town! YES there are others, but looking at thou, thou wouldnt be able to afford anything, so taking thou there would be against mine code of chivalry. So HAVE A GOOD DAY, SIRE!"
, and he stomps off.


When Mudy recovers, he sees the dwarf sitting by the stand. The dwarf is gazing into the distance with an absent mind.
Next to it are several items on display, with a chest underneath.

>>1817
He's got that creepy thousand yard beard. :(

Let's dust our self off and... uh... see if we have any money at all.

Take dagger, see if he notices. If he does, ask how much it costs. If he does not, run.

Check for any form of money.
Try talking to the Dorf.
Bring up how nice the elephants are this time of year.

Check inventory.

Say "Hi. How goes it?"

>>1817
Do we have any gold?

If not, it's time to earn these items with some kobold cunning, Native-American-Mythology style.
Challenge the proud Dwarf to a beard-growing competition, bragging you can grow a beard to dwarf his any day. Then, while he is distracted by his preening, tie his ankles together with his beard or something then run off with the goods you need.

Suggestion 2009/06/30(Tue)22:20 No. 1826 ID: fb5d8e
File 124642562075.png - (40.94KB , 800x600 , 23.png )

Mudy dusts himself off, quickly checking his pockets doing so-- No pockets? He check his pouch-- No pouch? NO INVENTORY?!

He takes the dagger from the stand, to see if it attracts the dorf's attention. It doesn't.

>"Hi, how goes it?"
, Mudy says.
The dorf sighs.
>"Nay good, me lad. Tis 'ard times. Me brethren been outsellin' me fer weeks, while me stock got stolen left 'n right. Now ah've been pushed back ta this alleyway where ah'll ne'er sell me stuff. Aye, lad. Tis 'ard times."

>>1826
Offer to use your NATURAL CUTEBOLD THIEVERY to help steal a bunch of stuff from his competitors.

"If you don't mind asking, what's so different about your equipment that you can't sell it? Perhaps I can help."

Are you any good with that dagger? Anything else looking particularly appealing? Or even like it would fit?

>>1826

Tell him you can use your bard skills to attract customers.

In exchange for a small cut of the profits.

Also: We may need to whip up a short version of our story. Maybe give ourselves a title.

I was thinking we could also whip up a song about this blacksmith, to increase sales and win his thanks.

>>1826
Play with the dagger while you inquire as to why his brothers are selling better than him. Also ask if he knows anything about the thieves who have been stealing from him.

Suggestion 2009/06/30(Tue)22:29 No. 1834 ID: fb5d8e
File 124642614282.png - (41.60KB , 800x600 , 24.png )

"Ah, lad. It all ain't be as simple ta explain 'n a sentence."
The dorf sighs again, looking up.
"But ah appreciate yer offer ta he-- WHAT?! A 'BOLD? GIT 'WAY FROM ME STUFF, VARMINT!"
The dorf bellows with rage as it struggles to get its hefty frame off the ground.

>>1834

Return the daggar to the stand, and explain that you aren't here to steal from him, and that you can help him with his business problem.

>>1834
You are a lone kobold. He is a raging dorf.

RUN THE FUCK AWAY.

Cross your arms and stand your ground, but don't threaten him with the dagger. If we're going to be a prince, we'd better start acting like it.

"A curse made me like this. I've got nothing but rags, courage, and my skill to win back a kingdom. I would like to help you with your business in exchange for equipment and perhaps pocket money to begin my quest."

>>1834
do
>>1835
While insisting that you want to help her. If she won't back down, then running may be a good idea.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)22:39 No. 1840 ID: fb5d8e
File 124642678661.png - (42.74KB , 800x600 , 25.png )

Mudy returns the dagger to the stand, then crosses his arms for a manly face-off!
>"A curse made me like this. I've got nothing but rags, courage, and my skill to win back a kingdom. I would like to help you with your business in exchange for equipment and perhaps pocket money to begin my quest."

But the dorf sounds a rumbling laugh in response.
>"Who would believe sucha story? Ha! Ye'd 'ave ta be the dumbest, daftest, stupidest, black lotus-stricken pansy lame-bred ever!"

Say "Fine. You don't have to believe me. So what's so wrong with your wares that no one wants them, anyway?"

>>1840
"True story or not, you still look like you could use some help, and I'm here to offer my assistance."

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)22:56 No. 1845 ID: fb5d8e
File 124642777279.png - (41.28KB , 800x600 , 26.png )

Mudy insists,
>"True story or not, you still look like you could use some help, and I'm here to offer my assistance. What's so wrong with your wares that no one wants them, anyway?"

The dorf is slightly taken aback by this dedication.
>"Hurmph? Bah, ah bet ye just want part o' me profits! ... Ah, what's ta use. Ah'm not a blacksmith, lad, ah'm a fighter. An adventurer. Ah can't sit in ah forge fer hours. Ah can make a few good items ta be used, but ah can't make stock upon stock ta sale. Bah, take ta damn knife. Ah'm leavin' ta city."

Invite her to join you on your quest. If she's leaving the city anyway, what has she got to lose? She'll get to fight, you'll get weaponry and whatnot, and.. and... well, that's it.

"So what's your name, anyway? And where are you headed? We could travel together. A dwarf and a kobold in a party would certainly confuse potential baddies."

>>1846

This.

Also, what would it take to get a very small suit of armor made? At least a breastplate or boiled leather chest covering.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)23:09 No. 1851 ID: fb5d8e
File 124642856151.png - (41.97KB , 800x600 , 27.png )

>"So what's your name, anyway? And where are you headed? We could travel together. A dwarf and a kobold in a party would certainly confuse potential baddies."
, Mudy begins. He goes on to say that she has nothing to lose, and even suggests for her to join his noble quest!
This time, the dorf doesn't seem so amused by the lie.
She strokes her beard in thought.
>"Nothing left ta lose, eh.."
, she mumbles for a moment.
>"Ta name's Axebeard Goldwomb, 'n ah dun have a destination right now.. Yer quest sounds intarestin'.... but how do ah know ye won't stab me in ta back at ye first sign 'o trouble? Yer still a boldling afta all."

Point out that, as she's just noted, you are, at the moment, just a kobold, and quite likely unable to harm such a hardy dorf, even if you were so inclined. Also point out that stabbing fellow party members tends to be non-conducive to questing, especially when said party member is useful.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)23:19 No. 1853 ID: fb5d8e
File 124642915672.png - (41.81KB , 800x600 , 28.png )

Mudy uses his amazing logical insight to convince the dorf that not only he is too small and insignificant to hurt the hardy dorf, but it would also be non-conducive to questing, especially when said party member is useful.

The dorf is struck silent.
>"I.. hm.. Ye make a good point, lad."
She remains completely silent, unmovable like a rock for minutes.

>"Very well,"
she finally states,
>"Ah'll join ye. Pick what ye need from me wares for ah'll be dumpin' it anyway. Ah've had enough o' this bargainin' and city streets. Tis' time fer ye open roads and swingin' me good ol' axe!"

>>1853
That armor up there on the left, without the shoulders looks like it might fit.

That dagger could be good too.

Don't forget to ask what's in the chest.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)23:36 No. 1857 ID: fb5d8e
File 124643018721.png - (34.78KB , 800x600 , 29.png )

>AXEBEARD GOLDWOMB HAS JOINED THE PARTY

>GAINED 1 THIEVES' DAGGER

>GAINED 1 HALFLING LEATHER CHESTPLATE

>>1857

POSE AS A TEAM, CUZ SHIT JUST GOT REAL.

Ask what's in the chest. If its nothing we need, out of town we shall go.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/06/30(Tue)23:58 No. 1860 ID: fb5d8e
File 124643150054.png - (35.55KB , 800x600 , 30.png )

>END OF CHAPTER 1

>>1859
There was nothing important in it.

>>1860

Reaver, you are awesome. <3

Just stopped by to see whats go- holy shit who dropped all this awesome on the board.

Really awesome so far Reaver.
Stupid timezones and need to sleep.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/01(Wed)10:50 No. 1868 ID: fb5d8e
File 124647060823.png - (29.20KB , 800x600 , 31.png )

>BEGIN CHAPTER TWO
>"THE FOOL"

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/01(Wed)10:50 No. 1869 ID: fb5d8e
File 124647065229.png - (28.13KB , 800x600 , 32.png )

>"So.. Mudy, was it? Where be yer kingdom anyway?"

>>1869
Forest of Dread, of course.

Mt. Death of course!

>>1869
The Forest of Bad Things.
Alternately, the Horrible Dungeon of Misfortune.
This is, of course, assuming we're just now leaving Pleasantown.

Or am I thinking of something else

I say Fort Fear. You make it into your castle!

gotta start with the forest, the other things sound too high-level for you...

>>1872
R.I.P RQ

"Well, I can hardly just march straight into it and expect to take it back by force of noodly arms, can I? The forest sounds like a good place to start. I bet lots of witches live there."

>>1873

This.

>>1878
In b4 the dwarf is turned into a kobold and the two of you elope, entirely forgetting about the princess.

>>1869

Mt.Death sounds like a natural enviroment for our Dwarven friend.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/01(Wed)12:18 No. 1891 ID: fb5d8e
File 124647592081.png - (46.84KB , 800x600 , 33.png )

"This way!"
, Mudy exclaims, and sets off towards the FOREST OF DREAD.
They soon enter the shadow of the canopy, surrounded by delightful forest tunes. But then, they are confronted with a terrible scene!
Two men, cloaked in black with frightening masks, armed with fully loaded repeating crossbows, stand over the corpse of an innocent peasant, his wagon of apples still behind him.
>"Zis apple is very gud! Vhat a shame zat ze peasants can have zem."
, one of the men says.
>"Don't worry, bruder. Soon zis land vhil be ours as vhell. Noone has yet noticed ze building of our massive army. Vhe shall swarm ze land uninterrupted and claims zese apples ours!"
>"Wonderful, bruder! For ze Skullking!"

>>1891
Mudy, use your thief skills to flank them, and create some kind of distraction.
Goldwomb, bullrush them when they are distracted.

>>1891
Oh god, crossbow wielding Nazis.
Feast on delicious apples while they are talking among themselves.

The Skullking! Of course! Grr!

Whisper to Axebeard to throw you at one of the nazis and then axe the other. Knife the one you're thrown at.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/01(Wed)13:29 No. 1908 ID: fb5d8e
File 12464801463.png - (47.05KB , 800x600 , 34.png )

Mudy carefully sneaks towards the wagon while the skullmen are occupied with themselves.

>GAINED 1 APPLE

The skullmen continue their meaningless conversation, untill suddenly one falls silent.
>"Vhat? Vhy so silent, bruder?"
>"I am recieving a message on ze magical earring, bruder. Vhe are to return to ze fortress immediatly."
>"Already? Vhat a disappointment. I enjoy zese woods so much more, bruder."
>"Ja, me too, bruder, but ze Skullking wishes it."
>"For ze Skullking!"
"For ze Skullking."

>>1908
We should follow them in a secure distance and find the secret headquarter of the Skullking™.
Actually Mudy should follow them, I doubt Axbeard is the sneaky type.

use KOBOLD DANGER SENSE to see if we think Mudy and Axebeard can take them. If so, then STRIKE WITH THE WRATH OF THE RIGHTEOUS!

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/01(Wed)13:49 No. 1917 ID: fb5d8e
File 124648135891.png - (42.13KB , 800x600 , 35.png )

The nimble and petite bard explains a set of sneaky plans to follow the men back to their base to the dorf, who agrees that she would not be very succesful at sneaking. However, she asks Mudy what she's supposed to do in the mean time - assuming he doesn't want her to abandon him.

The skullmen take their leave.
Mudy breathes a little easier for now. Those repeating heavy crossbows looked mighty dangerous.

Of course we don't want her to abandon him.
She can follow us in a even securer distance.

>>1918
This, we can mark trees with our dagger to make sure Axebeard can follow our trail from out of sight.

>>1917
Remove arrows from dead guy. Can never have enough pointy things, you know.

>>1919
Good idea.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/01(Wed)14:24 No. 1927 ID: fb5d8e
File 124648346753.png - (31.68KB , 800x600 , 36.png )

Mudy tells Axebeard to follow a long distance behind by looking for marked trees.
As he follows the skullmen he makes neat little crosses in several trees with his dagger.
The men don't notice him at all.

This evil place might be as good a kingdom as any.

Don't call it yet. Maybe they'll be threatening some other kingdom that can be ours.

>>1927
Nice definition of secure you've got there, but keep going. They are probably almost blind and deaf in their stupid skull helmets.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/01(Wed)15:48 No. 1946 ID: fb5d8e
File 124648849724.png - (30.90KB , 800x600 , 37.png )

After walking for atleast an hour the men and Mudy finally reach the edge of the forest going down a rocky slope. Behind it lure the Endless Wastes... with a stronghold in it!
The menacing spikey and skull-domed building looms over the horizon, dwarfing the Mountains of Terror. Its courtyard is teeming with blackcloaked men, most of them practicing their martial abilities.

We may be brave, but this is too dangerous a threat to confront directly. We are but a simple kobold.

Wait for Axebeard to catch up and sit with her to devise a scheme. See if she has any suggestions. If not, propose an infiltration: these men do not seem particularly bright, their weapons are powerful, easily-wielded, and require little strength to operate, and finally their costumes are fully-concealing. They're perfect for the aspiring saboteur or minimal stature.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/01(Wed)16:29 No. 1957 ID: fb5d8e
File 124649096228.png - (31.76KB , 800x600 , 38.png )

Axebeard joins Mudy shortly. After viewing the situation she says that she could take down one or two in the right situation, but a straight forward charge won't do much good - sadly, this is her strength, so it will be tricky.
Mudy suggests that if they can somehow get their hands on such a costume, they could infiltrate the outpost to get to the bottom of the threat. Axebeard reluctantly agrees, if Mudy promises to take on all of the social interaction.
Now there's just the trouble of how to get those costumes.

>>1957
Wait for another patrol to leave, then shank them both and steal their shit.

>>1957
This is going to involve standing on her shoulders, isn't it...

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/01(Wed)16:42 No. 1962 ID: fb5d8e
File 124649177544.png - (36.36KB , 800x600 , 39.png )

Axebeard and Mudy get into ambush positions. They can easily jump out and strike at any moment.
Mudy clears his throat. This is making him quite nervous!

Two new skullmen walk up the hill, like predicted. They chatter loudly about how much they enjoy the woods.

Axebeard suddenly throws a whisper to Mudy,
>"Me lad, d'ye 'ave any good ideas on 'ow we're gonne take 'em down?"

>>1962
Uhh... tickle them into submission and stuff their mouths with rocks?

Exploit our short stature, tackle their legs as they pass. Stab/Bludgeon them when they're down.

>>1962
Gank them when they pass by. Don't let them use their ranged weapons to their advantage. They should go down before they have a chance to draw their melee weapons.

>>1962
Wait till they're between you two, then have Mudy slice open the Achilles's tendons of one of them, promptly dropping him to the ground and crippling him in a move that requires minimal physical strength.
The second his companion turns around to see what happened, Axebeard should jump out and bury the axe in his skull. She should be able to handle that easily.
Then you can dispatch the man on the ground while he's fumbling for his weapon / reeling from the impossible pain of having his leg muscles snap up to the back of his knee like a cartoon blind.

Yeah. Just as they pass, go for the tendons.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/01(Wed)18:12 No. 1975 ID: fb5d8e
File 124649713986.png - (41.21KB , 800x600 , 40.png )

Mudy and Axebeard use their shortness to their advantage and tackle the skullmen!.. Though it's more like Axebeard plows right into one, and Mudy clings on to the leg of the other, only just taking him offbalance. But it's enough for them to go down!
>"Hey..! WOoah woaah woaaahh--!"
*THONK*

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/01(Wed)18:12 No. 1976 ID: fb5d8e
File 124649715369.png - (28.13KB , 800x600 , 41.png )

..This is not working out very well.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/01(Wed)18:13 No. 1977 ID: fb5d8e
File 124649719180.png - (28.14KB , 800x600 , 42.png )

Magnificent! With their powers combined, Mudy and Axebeard have perfected their disguise, making them practically invisible.
They're ready to infiltrate!

Go inside and give it a shot. Let's try to talk to the commander so we can kill him.

Don't forget the accent.

Don't forget to take a crossbow

>>1979
Yes, Mudy should have the crossbow, Axebeard should hold onto her axe. For emergencies.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/01(Wed)18:57 No. 1986 ID: fb5d8e
File 124649987745.png - (21.05KB , 800x600 , 43.png )

Mudy carries the hefty crossbow with him to complete the disguise. It is quite too large and heavy for him to fire properly, so it's an accesory at best.
Underneath him Axebeard carries her beloved axe with her, just in case.

They head down the slope and through the gates without a hitch. They are now within the walls of the camp. Around them the skullman are hard at work.

Now the question is, how will they find the commander?

Look for the biggest office with the best decorations, the most guards, and the highest concentration of skull emblems.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/01(Wed)19:59 No. 1989 ID: fb5d8e
File 124650354722.png - (53.19KB , 800x600 , 44.png )

Mudy and Axebeard wander around the campsite and the large building for quite a while, untill finding themselves in an area that is strangely quiet.
A large door, decorated with a million skulls explains why.
Mudy and Axebeard go through, and there he is; A totally creepy dude.

>"Hmm? Ja, what? What can zis field marshal do for you, my little pumpkins?"
, it hisses with a hollow voice.

Tell him that we've found vitally important information, that we must tell him in private. No one but him can be trusted with it.

When he sends the guards away, lean close and stab him in the throat.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/01(Wed)20:30 No. 1994 ID: fb5d8e
File 124650543224.gif - (11.28KB , 800x600 , 45.gif )

>"My precious little pumpkin...sssss..."

>END OF CHAPTER 2

>>1994

Aww, shit. He's a real skeleton, isn't he? Probably a Lich.

If that's the case, we're screwed.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/02(Thu)13:19 No. 2011 ID: fb5d8e
File 124656596370.png - (32.85KB , 800x600 , 46.png )

>BEGIN CHAPTER 3
>"THE MAGICIAN"

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/02(Thu)13:26 No. 2013 ID: fb5d8e
File 124656637843.png - (74.82KB , 800x600 , 47.png )

The marshal leans back in his chair.
>"I can not believe zose dumbkopfs could not see through zis disguise. Does ze Skullking really expect me to be able to do my work like zis?"
He sounds a hollow sigh, like someone blowing air through a tube.
>"Oh well.. Why don't you tell me somezing interesting before I destroy you?"

>>2013
...uh
uh
uh
uh
YOUR FLY'S OPEN

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/02(Thu)13:48 No. 2015 ID: fb5d8e
File 124656772972.png - (75.29KB , 800x600 , 48.png )

>"Really? You come face to face with ze greatest lich alive and zat is all you have?"
The marshal is obviously not impressed.
>"You must have somezing to amuse me with before you die."

>>2013
Tell him your princely tale. It's worked so far..

Rub your nose to where his used to be.

>>2015
Propose to play his rib cage like a xylophone, pretend all the other skeletons loved it.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/02(Thu)14:02 No. 2019 ID: fb5d8e
File 124656854039.png - (72.49KB , 800x600 , 49.png )

Mudy repeats his tragic tragic story to the lich, lamenting the loss of an empire and the betrayel of a friend. The lich listens intently.
He nods once Mudy finishes.
>"Ah, I see, I see. Well, don't worry, zat probably wasn't your real advisor. The skullking enjoys putting shapeshifters in ze place of important figures and weaken a country from within. Must be a load of ze mind, ja?
>Well, if zat was all..."

>>2019

AXEBEARD: Bust out of that disguise and cut that fucker's head off!

>>2020
Yeah this. Surprise whirlwind attack, he'll never see it coming.

>>2021
What about the guys right there with the crossbows?

>>2022
Dwarves are sturdy fuckers. She'll live.

>>2022
I said WHIRLWIND attack, and they probably barely see with their masks on.

We're not playing D&D 3.5, guys.

And there's still the problem of the desk in the way.

>>2025
I was actually thinking about Diablo 2, just make sure to click behind him.

A caster of some sort, and two repeatan-crossbow guards.
I believe it is time to utilise the first skill successful bards learn: That of the ancient art of DISTRACTION AND GTFO.

Quickly explain to the totally creepy dude that the agony and humiliation of your loss has driven you to seek revenge and destruction against a world that betrayed you. You wish to join the Skullking, and enlisted the help of this murderous dwarf to gain an audience in order to serve the Skullking.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/02(Thu)15:25 No. 2031 ID: fb5d8e
File 124657350485.gif - (267.05KB , 800x600 , 50.gif )

Axebeard bellows,
>"Ah will ne'er submit to ye, ye slimey eel!"
She tosses away the cape, and jumps over the desk with a great swing!

>animooted

>>2031
SHITFUCKSHITFUCK
Throw the cape in the air to block line of sight and RUN LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/02(Thu)15:31 No. 2033 ID: fb5d8e
File 124657389052.png - (48.51KB , 800x600 , 51.png )

A rain of blood fades away into nothingness before it hits the ground, leaving no trace of the once mighty Axebeard.
Mudy is frozen in shock.

>"Oh, dwarves. Zey are so monotonous. What about you, boldling?"
, the lich groans,
>"Are you more interesting than that?"

>>2033

...Fuck. I'm out of ideas.

>>2034
Do some bard stuff to impress him.

>>2033
Dance naked. What are the chances he's seen a naked boldling dancing for a lich before?

>>2033
Spontaneously snap your own neck while screaming.

Sing a bardly song about mercy.

RUN FUCKING SHIT RUN

Sing a bardly song about death. Offer to become their war bard.

>>2044
Make it METAL. Sing a song of Dio. THat will confuse them for sure.

Shoot him in the eye, throw the cloak up to shield yourself, and flee at best speed.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/02(Thu)17:58 No. 2062 ID: fb5d8e
File 124658268430.gif - (486.04KB , 800x600 , 51-end.gif )

>"Oh, please don't do zat."

>animooted

Well, that was fast. Next quest!

>>2062
D:

>>2062

Meet up with the wpirit of axebeard for GHOST ADVENTURES

>>2062

RESTART FROM CHAPTER START

Instant-death all-or-nothing situation at the end of an otherwise-silly and lighthearted quest against a foe who is so powerful he can kill us with a thought, in the middle of a fortress of baddies otherwise portrayed as humorous and bumbling.

We didn't even get told what we did wrong.

I am disappoint.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/02(Thu)19:09 No. 2087 ID: fb5d8e
File 124658695849.png - (32.82KB , 800x600 , 53.png )

>LOADING AUTOSAVE.......

>BEGIN CHAPTER 3
>"THE MAGICIAN"

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/02(Thu)19:09 No. 2089 ID: fb5d8e
File 124658698245.png - (64.62KB , 800x600 , 54.png )

The marshal leans back in his chair.
>"I can not believe zose dumbkopfs could not see through zis disguise. Does ze Skullking really expect me to be able to do my work like zis?"
He sounds a hollow sigh, like someone blowing air through a tube.
>"Oh well.. Why don't you tell me somezing interesting before I destroy you?"

>>2089
Say, "something interesting", And then go into a standup routine.

"You seem intelligent. Or at least more intelligent than the others. How about a game of wits?"

All right so evidently this guy means business. With a knowing glance to Axebeard, tell him something like...

"All right. You want something interesting? Well it just so happens I am the most talented bard in the land, and my skills are many. But for this demonstration, I'm going to need a participant!
How about you, sir? Yes, you at the desk, with the skull! Don't be shy now, wouldn't you like to be a part of this amazing, never-before-seen feat?"

Suggestion 2009/07/02(Thu)19:19 No. 2097 ID: fb5d8e
File 124658757098.png - (53.23KB , 800x600 , 55.png )

>"You seem intelligent. Or at least more intelligent than the others. How about a game of wits?"
,Mudy offers slyly.
The lich claps his hands.
>"Oh my, a game of wits? Against.. me?"
, the Lich responds with excited and a hollow laugh,
>"If you have such confidence zen perhaps I underestimated you! ..Oh, how about a little wager, hmmm? If you win, zen I shall surrender the command over zis entire camp to you. But if I win.. I get your soul! <3"
He radiates with a morbid glee.

"Though I'm not sure what I will do with these incompetent dolts, the game itself sounds fun. We accept."

ACCEPTED.

Offer to play THE OLDEST GAME with him.

>>2097

Save in slot 2

>>2097

Accept his challenge.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/02(Thu)19:36 No. 2107 ID: fb5d8e
File 124658856816.png - (60.92KB , 800x600 , 56.png )

Mudy boldly accepts!
He throws his disguise away, striding towards the desk, and challenges the marshall to 'THE OLDEST GAME'.
The lich gasps a hollow gasp.
>"Zat.. Zat sounds delightful! ..What is The Oldest Game?"

>>2107

Tiddlywinks

>>2108
Get out of here, Nev! The oldest game is naked dancing!

>>2107
uhh... hide and seek?

>>2107
The oldest game is simple, and it does not involve chance. It is all about wits! The cleverest man wins.
The rules are simple: each person simply states what they are, and the other person then has to 'become' something to counter that thing.
For example:
Person 1: "I am a bunny. Grass-eating, multiplying."
Person 2: "I am a wolf. Grass-prowling, bunny-devouring."
Person 1: "I am a hunter. Horse-mounted, wolf-stabbing."

You play until one cannot think up a counter. As a gesture of goodwill, you will even let him go first.

There are many ways to lose the oldest game. Failure of nerve, hesitation. (Lack of imagination.)

>>2112

I like where this is going.

>>2115

As do I

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/02(Thu)19:52 No. 2118 ID: fb5d8e
File 124658954798.png - (60.72KB , 800x600 , 57.png )

>>2112
Mudy quickly explains the rules while the Lich listens intently. As a further display of confidence, Mudy tells the marshal he can go first.
>"Hmm.. Zis will be interesting! But it should be no trouble for zis incredible intellect of mine."
He rubs his chin for a moment, contemplating.
>"Okay. I am a lich. Fortress-dwelling, undead-creating."

>>2118
"I am a priest. Light-bringing, darkness-vanquishing."

>>2118
"I am a pope, divinity-wreathed and undead-shattering."

>>2118

I am a Paladin. Light-Serving, Undead-Smiting

"I am a seven ton rolling boulder. Camp destroying and phylactery crushing."

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/02(Thu)20:04 No. 2123 ID: fb5d8e
File 12465902694.png - (61.35KB , 800x600 , 58.png )

>"I am a priest. Light-bringing, darkness-vanquishing."
The lich hisses.
>"Argh! Zose damn priests and zer goody-two shoes armies! Hsss. I am a doppelganger, doubt-creating, faith-destroying!"

>>2123
"I am a Seer, deception-unveiling, trickery-defeating."

>>2123
I am a hermit, simple-minded, faith-eschewing.

>>2123

"I am a psychic. Mind-reading, Faith-un-needing"

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/02(Thu)20:14 No. 2134 ID: fb5d8e
File 124659089681.png - (59.24KB , 800x600 , 59.png )

>"I am a Seer, deception-unveiling, trickery-defeating."

>"Hsss. Hsss."
The lich is obviously getting agitated.
>"I am the mortal mind, biased, forgetful!"

>>2134
I am the scholar, peaceful, mind-widening.
I travel the wilderness from town to town, and I spread good word and knowledge.

>>2134

"I am a book. Preserver of memories."

>>2134
"I am the educated mind. Rational, long-lasting."

>>2134
I am Library, keeper of tales and secrets, continuing through the ages.

>>2134

"I am the mind of an child. Simple, blameless."

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/02(Thu)20:22 No. 2140 ID: fb5d8e
File 124659133697.png - (59.22KB , 800x600 , 60.png )

>"I am a book. Keeper of tales and secrets, preserver of memories."

>"Hsss. I am a TYRANT! Book burning! Idea suppressing!"

>>2140
I am a NAKED DANCER. NAKED AND DANCING

>>2140
I am Bard, Tale-spinning, Hopes-raising, Joy-bringing!

>>2140
"I am the Hero, slayer of tyrants and bringer of hope."

>>2140

"I am a revolutionary! Bane of tyrants, hero of The People!"

>>2140
(I think I understand how the lich plays this game. I think it is time to abandon the offensive. Time to move laterally.)

"I am cattle. Grass-eating, simple-pleasured.
I walk the world in great number, and my life is simple. I have no need for books, nor fear of tyrants."

>>2140

"I am hope. Freedom everlasting"

>>2140
I am the hope of freedom that lies in every person's heart! Despair-quelling, revolution-bringing!

I am Axe, steel-bladed, king-beheading!

As you say this, have Axebeard go at him by surprise before he can beam you to death.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/02(Thu)20:31 No. 2149 ID: fb5d8e
File 124659187171.png - (63.45KB , 800x600 , 61.png )

>"I am cattle. Grass-eating, simple-pleasured."

The lich falls silent.
>"I am a peasant, cattle-herding, milk-drinking..?"

>>2148

Isn't Axebeard an indirect character?

>>2149

"Drinking milk does nothing to the cow."

>>2149
He was unsure of his answer, that means we win.

>>2149
I am a flea, blood-drinking and unseen.

>>2149
"I am a world. Star-circling, life-nurturing.
And as I feed from the bosom of the sun, I alone make the peasant's life possible. He is only a tiny piece of me, a greater whole."

>>2149
I am a pestilence, starvation-causing, peasant killing.

>>2149

"I am a lord. Peasant-ruling, capitilizer of the sweat of the lower class."

>>2150
Axebeard is an indirect player-character.

>Axebeard kiss Mudy
"Axebeard kiss Mudy."
MUDY QUEST THE END
LOADING FROM LAST SAVE

>>2160
We restarted from a save point. Axebeard is alive and well.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/02(Thu)20:44 No. 2162 ID: fb5d8e
File 12465926419.png - (58.46KB , 800x600 , 62.png )

>"Drinking milk does nothing to the cow."

>"What- But- It- No! NO! NNOOOOOOOOO---"

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/02(Thu)20:44 No. 2163 ID: fb5d8e
File 124659265828.png - (57.39KB , 800x600 , 63.png )

>"--OOOOOooooo--"

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/07/02(Thu)20:44 No. 2164 ID: fb5d8e
File 124659267718.png - (57.37KB , 800x600 , 64.png )

>"--ooo-"
*FWOOP*

Suggestion 2009/07/02(Thu)20:45 No. 2165 ID: c01408
File 124659271056.png - (46.60KB , 800x600 , mudy.png )

"I win."

Well. Looks like we have ourselves a fortress and an army. Sounds like a kingdom to me. Let's go make it with that elf woman.

>>2164
To the two guards, "Well, looks like I'm the new boss around here, doesn't it?"

>>2167

We still need the riches. I think we have quite a bit of adventuring ahead of us.

Looks like you are a new Lord. And that makes Axebeard probably your Champion or something to that effect.

Kingdom enough for me.

Return to town. Tell tale. Become heros. Receive princess.

>>2165
Fuck yes you are the best cutebold ever.

Make sure you take his phylactery for safe keeping.

>>2171
>axebeard your champion
>champion
>wife
>Delicious dwarven women

I AGREE SIR

First order of business:
Have the men craft the most ornate skull-hat they can.

>>2174

But... the princess!

>>2178
>>2179
Both of you similarly worded folks prefer elves over dwarves? EH? DO YOU?

>>2180

I do.

>>2181
Ah, well, OK then.

>>2164

Sit upon the Lich's throne.

"This army is now under new management."

>>2184

This is obviously the best plan.