What if the river is made of salt? After some testing, perhaps a lick?

Throw a rock onto the river to see if it is truley frozen in time. Throw a big enough rock and you'll even be sure it will hold your own weight!

Prancing Cervid Studio 2024/09/22(Sun)20:02 No. 1097680 ID: b9c2b6
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>Perhaps you could throw a pebble on to the petrified river to see if it reacts in any way.
>Throw a rock onto the river to see if it is truley frozen in time. Throw a big enough rock and you'll even be sure it will hold your own weight!
An ingenious idear! I grab the nearest pebble and toss it in the river; it rebounds without a ripple! I find an even larger stone and toss that as well! The rock shatters without making a dent! How queer!

I stand by its edge with intent to dip one single clove to see if there are any long-term effects on the living. My bastard sword is at the ready to chop my leg off before it spreads because it’s good to think ahead. As if expecting a chilly dip I gradually lower my hoof and tap the surface of the water. It... it doesn’t affect me! I give it a dainty stamp and still no trap has sprung. I trot a few hooves into the river; it isn’t even cold!

>Perhaps a lick?
Yuck. If only it were salt.

The other side doesn’t seem far to reach. I could simply gallop across. From there, the salt lick would be within my grasp.

Prancing Cervid Studio 2024/09/22(Sun)20:02 No. 1097681 ID: b9c2b6
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During my powerwalk, I hear another set of hooves by the time I step on the river’s midpoint. I scan my immediate vicinity to find no one following, not even the hag; although her cackling would precede her presence. It seems the hooves echo louder and louder. They must be downstream!

>Beware of sudden onrushing lights. If you see even the merest pair of them coming immediately move at full speed towards whichever bank is closest
Ah yes. I’ve heard of dancing wisps that come out at night. I’m sure it’s only midafternoon, yet the fog dampens daylight enough to fool even the most crepuscular critters.

And suddenly two beams of moonlight shine through the mist like the arrival of holy angels! The galloping hooves grow heavier and louder. So why... WHY haven’t I leapt aside to huddle behind a bush?

The aura emitting from those wispy lights has me stunned! I... I couldn’t move even if I wanted to! Thankfully I don’t feel my body turning to stone. What magic is this? Oh wait… it’s like what I did to that sentry guarding the forest perimeter. Nevermind. Curse you, instinct! It blinds me, for I cannot identify the creature charging! Mayhaps I can jump at the last moment, cause the fiend to run past, and I may sprint out of this river with a head start!

But neigh. I wasn’t fast enough. A Norwegian fjord bronco surrounded by such ghastly wisps picks me up and plants me on its back. I hold on to dear life! I demand the stallion: Where does he take me?! But with a sinister nicker he responds:

“Thou shalt goeth to Cabelas!”

NOOOO!

>This psychopomp expects to drag me to the dark pits of the underworld! I must get off this wild ride!

>>1097681
Mayhaps due to this beast's ancestral blood, a simple utterance of "oh I cannot wait to go to Sweden's best resting place"
And while the quadruped is hit by this calculated mistake, your antlers shall do the trick of the physical malady.

Did he mistake you for a damsel? He might be hunting for female sex slaves.
Ask what a Cabella's is.

Use your grace to prance upon his back. When the time is right leap away.

Use bastard sword on horse. Send him to the glue factory!!!

>>1097681
Horses are accursed beings, neither deer nor beast but some godforsaken horror that lurks somewhere between.
Gird thy loins and show no quarter.
But beforebvanquishing, take a moment to lick the vile mockery of cervidkind.
Should it be sweating their is a small chance of salt within its devilish excretions.
And it might distract it from its nefarious intent.

Not Cabela’s! Something must be done! How to bring this horse to a halt safely though… perhaps you could bargain with it? Any carrot/apple based rations on your person?

Prancing Cervid Studio 2024/09/28(Sat)22:31 No. 1097986 ID: f0d12a
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Horses sure are accursed beings; a pox on them all! I shall treat the bastards with my own. I unsheathe my sword! And make a swift cut against its nape!

Nay, I say! Thou shalt goeth to the glue factory!

“Neigh?--GAAHGLGhhLBGLghh!”

Like cutting a knife with hot butter! His head rolls aside and tumbles onto the stone river beneath his clog-clopping hooves. But the impossible happens before mine eyes. He does not drop! His burgling bloody stump gurgles a wicked... churtle. This headless horse still animates!

While it’s in a dazed state after divorcing its head from thine shoulders, I taketh the opportunity to prance off its back to the other side of the bank! Hiding in a herd of bushes, I wait for that abomination to disappear further down the stream. Whinnying a chilling laugh.

Prancing Cervid Studio 2024/09/28(Sat)22:31 No. 1097987 ID: f0d12a
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My journey continues in the forest. I could not help but notice the salty fragrance of a salt block in the air. I follow my snout and hone in on the wonderful scent. At last there is hope at the end of my quest, for I have reached the eye of this hazy storm. And wouldn’t you know--the last remaining saltblock upon a mossy pedestal. God rays shine down on its magnificence. It glitters white gold.

But what’s this? A cry for help? I see a damsel stuck within an alcove. A row of salty bars imprison her. Our gazes lock, and she has the most beautiful doe eyes I have ever seen. Most fairer than the maiden before~ She begs:

“You sir! Here ye, you knav—kn-nn—uhm-knight! Oh please be not an illusion! I am in need of a rescuing, for I was foolish to pursue the last lick of salt rumored to be in this very forest! I have lacked the proficiency to reach my target.

“Oh handsome traveler. Could you assist in licking these salty bars to help me free? Here! Lick this one I’ve been working on! We can file it thinner with our tongues and hot, huffy breaths and meet in the middle!”

>Take the saltblock for thineself
>Free the damsel and work together out of this forest

"Thou be'est not a witch, forsooth? Thou must so say if thou art!"

Punch a salt bar off with your bare hooves and shove it up this spy.

Test for witches with a sly pratfall, the cackling will give her away.

>>1097987
A maiden!
Salt!
Agh!
Chivalry or salty goodness, which to choose...

But, hold!
Are these bars made entirely of salt?
Pray tell, why is this so?
Are these bars a debive created to contain or repel? To keep out or keep in?

...but despite your trepidation, you are honourable and thus can only offer aid.
Should they be deceptive in their cries, then you shall seek redress later, with fury and righteous wrath.
But you shall not tarnish your honour as a cervid.

Give her the most smug look as you can muster while you lick the salt block and there's nothing she can do to stop you.

The salt cube is right there before us! We may not get a chance like this again! We should at least give the salt block ONE lick before we engage with this potential trap. We should definitely engage with the potential trap though. T’is only chivalrous.

>>1097988
Do say this tho. I like this

Put the tip of your sword through the bars and demand she touch it. Witches and the fae cannot touch iron for it burns them, everyone knows this. If she can stand to touch the cold steel she is to be trusted, if not its a trick.

Prancing Cervid Studio 2024/10/03(Thu)19:51 No. 1098206 ID: 435cbc
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Before I give in to temptation of licking the cube, I believe I am being tested by the salty hag. “Thou be’est not a witch forsooth? Thou must say if thou art!”

“Ugh, you’re one of those coxcombed deer, aren’t you? Of course I’m not some... fairy tale creature! Do I look like I carry warts?”

I unsheathe my sword and slowly poke through the salty bars that trap her so. “Then you would be unaffected when touching the very iron of this blade, now would you?”

She reels back. “Watch where you’re pointing that! One should never present their sword to a damsel unprotected! Cover your shame! You country deer have no chivalry! At least use it to break my bonds instead of chattering your teeth.”

My final test is a show of complete boobery. “Well I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to enjoy a single lick of salt before I make my decision whether to trust you.” I turn and slip on some dewy rocks, stumbling and staging my pratfall like a saddle goose.

"Ehh-heheyahyah-honhon"

The maiden cackles and ripsnorts followed by an immediate cover-up with blushed cheeks. “I’m sorry. I have the worst laugh out of my twelve fair sisters. I try to remain stoic so I may never be reminded of my greatest fault.”

>She’s a hag
>She’s not a hag

She's totally the hag. But which is the trap? Freeing her, or taking the salt lick?

>>1098206
>"Ehh-heheyahyah-honhon"
>honhon

At worst she is french. And I believe that thou may have a way to free both fair maiden and salt lick at the same time. Tie a rope around the bars of the maiden's prison, and the other around the salt lick.
Grab up the salt lick after it is snug and run, breaking both maiden and lick away from their bonds (gracefully).
With the salt lick's boost of vitality you shall be stronger than elk! So it should be a grand display, both ingenuity and strength.
...
If the rope doesn't break.
...
If you have a rope.

Hmm… If she is a hag, she is insanely clever. I am tempted to buy into this ruse. She did almost call us a knave before, so definitely remain wary. However, perhaps begin saving her, but frustratingly slowly. If she is truly a hag, she will surely loose her temper and reveal herself in her outrage.

>>1098206
Ask the names of her 12 sisters, mayhap you have heard of them.

Lick the salt while you listen and think.

Mayhap she is a hag, but what value in victory if it is not shared?
There is enough bounty for two in the treasured cube.

She seems like to be the hag, yet with such comely countenance is it of much import? Perhaps ye might pledge thou sword to her, and reap rewards both salty and sweet.

>>1098218
Seconding, ask for the names of all her sisters.

>>1098218
I like this too. “Truly? Thou doth haveth a full dozen of sisters? Wouldst thou giveth their names, and of course thine own?” (That last part is a reverse fey trick, in case she’s a hag. Names having power, etc etc.)

Spies gonna die

Licking all that salt must have her very parched. Perhaps you could offer her some WATER!!!

Prancing Cervid Studio 2024/10/09(Wed)18:54 No. 1098414 ID: bc5ac3
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This dame is sending mixed signals, but I find it chivalrous to help release her! As I try to break the salty irons with my sword, I chat her up and inquire the names of her dozen sisters.

“Karen. Sharon. Barron. Ro Laren. Erin. Aaron. Charon. Herron. Marron. Subsaharan. Derron. And Amandaron.”

By the time she finishes namedropping her sisters, I pry enough salty bars to free her.

And what of your name? Hmm?

“eeehehehehe I’m Alyre.”

Prancing Cervid Studio 2024/10/09(Wed)18:55 No. 1098415 ID: bc5ac3
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Suddenly the damsel shrivels like a prune, cured as if she bathed in salt. It was indeed the hag all along!! I raise my bastard sword. She cackles.

“The act was just a jolly ruse, foolish brethren! But thy have proven thyself to be worthy of the salt block. For every knave before you was of greed, surrendering to temptation and gluttony--just like the King who evicted me to mine the forests of its salt. If thou haveth licked the cursed block, thou wouldeth transmogrified into a pillar of salt thyself--

“It is a pity to unveil that there is no saltblock at the end. I had spread these rumors to attract stuck-up adventurers far and wide in search of one who can resist its temptation. For choosing me over the salt, I feel it’s time I can leave this forest and with it remove the mist that plagues it so.”

>”HEY! What about my prize? I won’t leave without a prize!!”
>”Oh. That’s cool. I guess. It’s the journey that… whatever.”
>[Lick the block] “I’m sorry you were saying something?”
>”Change back. Now.”
> Alt+F4

You Fool
STAB HER "FOR SALT AND SANCTUARY!"
And mist adds biodiversity to the nature preserve so you should prevent her from removing it.

>>1098415
>”Change back. Now.”

So she can look pretty when she wants too, eh? If you seduce the hag you could get all the salt you can lick.

>>1098415
Change back!
A great wrong has been done unto her and a true knight of honour would crave not selfish reward but instead share the taste of JUSTICE'S salty leavings!

Would any knight truly worth their salt do anything other?
Nay!
That means in the vulgar, bestial tongue of the horse, no!

Asking her to change back assumes she would be interested in us romantically. Chances of this are low given our interactions of her. However! She needs to remove more than the mist!

>>1097329 >I realize this fair damsel has been petrified! As the fog clears in my vicinity I see more unlucky brethren frozen in time!

We need her to free our stone brethren! Plus imagine how grateful the real damsel will be to know you have saved her from eternal stasis!

> I’ll come back for you, my beloved. Just after the sweet licks of salt on my buds (>>1097420)

You would betray thine word and not return for the maiden???

>>1098560
...should probably ask the hag about the maiden.

lick it

Nuts to the block, theres perfectly good noncursed pillars of salt to lick.

Prancing Cervid Studio 2024/10/22(Tue)19:30 No. 1098891 ID: 92a30c
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I’m caught between two damsels, for I have given my oath to come back for the petrified lass from across the river. Despite the hag’s true and crude visage, if she could change her appearance on a whim to a more appealing presentation, then I could woo her and win all the salt I crave for. But first, I must ask of the petrified maiden over yonder.

“Oh that? That was merely a simulacrum. A fake. Another jest to scare away adventurers. I take pride in my life-like sculptures. She isn’t even made of salt.”

Then I have no other choice but to rescue you!

“Me? Lil’ old me? Why, I don’t know what to say about that. Why the sudden change in interest, deerest knave?”

A great wrong has been done unto you and a true knight of honour would crave not selfish reward but instead share the taste of JUSTICE'S salty leavings! Would any knight truly worth their salt do anything other?

“Why I’m so flattered, I never considered settling down with a young knave as you. If it’s your wish, then our beauty shall match together and we may share our lives with plentiful salts. I offer my hoof for yours to take. And let us leave this forest to find new beginnings in one much richer than here.”

Prancing Cervid Studio 2024/10/22(Tue)19:31 No. 1098892 ID: 92a30c
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Without hesitation I take thine hag’s hoof and there is a flash of dazzling light. The mist disappears and sunlight shines through. Birds chirp and the trees subtly shake in the breeze. It feels like many winters pass by as she devotes herself to me.

Next thing I know I’m in a cottage with my newest beloved, one with a small farm atop a hillock. I hear her knitting in the other room, and I’m in tattered civilian attire. Not quite peasantry but dignified enough. She hums a tune with a few cackles. I enter her room as she swivels in a rocking chair.

But she looks the same as she always has. What of her beauty matching mine? As I walk to the trough to wash my face, I see in the reflection a most haggled curmudgeon staring back at me!

Prancing Cervid Studio 2024/10/22(Tue)19:31 No. 1098893 ID: 92a30c
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No. NO! My beautiful face! I’m no longer lithe and lissome--my feminine qualities have vanished. No golden-haired maiden would want to couple with me now!

Damn that hag for twisting her words. I must find a way to--

Oh hey look. A fine assortment of salt bars.

Lick lick.

Prancing Cervid Studio 2024/10/22(Tue)19:32 No. 1098894 ID: 92a30c
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And thus concludes the tale of Briella Deerhart. THE END.

A tale written and illustrated by Buckwheaticus and Sir Copholla Kuda.

Ah, the At-Least-You-Have-Salt end. GG; thanks for the quest

Beauty fades, but salt lasts. A worthy end.

>>1098899
A most wondrous fable with an equally valuable moral. A heart-warming thank you to the scholar and knight responsible.

>>1098894
A beautifully told tale and a satisfying end.
Thankyou!

In the end it was revealed that the wrinkled old hag wasn't old at all, and just wrinkled up from licking too much salt.

>>1098893
Wife? Check
Salt? Check
Fission mailed boys!