Buckwheat 2023/04/01(Sat)04:13 No. 1060175 ID: 15a025
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Gardening in the first few weeks of spring never has been easy. Especially when the chilly winds still blow! Today's a special day though! Today's the day-

Buckwheat 2023/04/01(Sat)04:13 No. 1060176 ID: 15a025
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You're going to finally blast the damn varmint who's eating all your vegetables! It's 'bout an hour to sun rise yet. How should you set up the garden for defense?

Barbed wire forcing it into a chokepoint. Maybe some sticky stuff in the chokepoint to slow it down so you can blast it.

break out all the stops. I'm talking tank traps, caltrops, hedgehogs, mines, the whole nine yards

step one is digging a trench, and filling it with old rusty nails and sharp farm equipment!

Set up tripwires tied to things that jangle to alert you!

you'll need a fire!
fire fixes all your problems.
Get the gasoline

Dig some trenches. Set up overlapping fields of machine gun nests.

Delegate quest protagonism to your male neighbour. Let him take care of it.

Don't forget to set out some veggies for bait. Make it easy, but not too easy. If that varmint digs them up, half-bury them.

>>1060222
Nah it's personal. She grew all that stuff with sweat and effort. Gotta blow the fuckers head off herself. Assistance in setting things up sounds like it'd be quite helpful though. Got any neighbors to enlist in your quest for cathartic vengeance?

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/04/01(Sat)16:58 No. 1060276 ID: 15a025
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>Trip Wire alarms
A perfect start. That way I'll hear the filthy furball coming while I'm busy setting other things up. I get sum ol' tin cans and string. Tie'em to something's 'round the garden.

>Barbed Wire fences
YEAH! That'll stop those nasty critters from crawling between the fence!

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/04/01(Sat)16:58 No. 1060277 ID: 15a025
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>Caltrops
Well I ain't got nothing fancy like that, but I do have a bunch of rusty nails. I sprinkle them around the area by the garden. My tin can fails, the wails of pain from steppin on these outta alert me.

>Trenches
I ain't got no time to dig up my yard. This varmint's tore up my yard enough as it is.

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/04/01(Sat)16:58 No. 1060278 ID: 15a025
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With all that set up now, and sun rising. It's time to garden! What shall I ten to first?

>>1060278
First look after your to-be-leafy greens.

man the machine guns!

Tend to the turnips.
Also plant some landmines.

carrots!

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/04/03(Mon)15:33 No. 1060483 ID: 15a025
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>First look after your to-be-leafy greens.
>Tend to the turnips.

Oh yes! Your prized turnips. You head over to your little turnip plot and check on them first.
You sigh with relief to see they filthy pests haven't gotten to them. Feeling the soil, it seems like the water hasn't either.

You head to the shed and fill up your watering can-

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/04/03(Mon)15:33 No. 1060484 ID: 15a025
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Ugh! What happened?! The can's leaking water!

Uh oh! Time to check for sabotage and for evidence of sappers!!

get duck tape
duck tape fixes everything
go find a duck

There's a hole in the bucket? Plug it with a stick.

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/05/09(Tue)19:40 No. 1063242 ID: 15a025
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>get duck tape duck tape fixes everything go find a duck
>There's a hole in the bucket? Plug it with a stick.
I grab a nearby duck and some sticks, and use them to plug up the hole in your watering can. I fill 'er up, and then water my prized turnips. With how the Stalk Market has been, I certainly cannot afford to lose these crops. No sir-ee.

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/05/09(Tue)19:41 No. 1063243 ID: 15a025
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Suddenly my ears stick up! While I'm watering my turnips I hear them tin cans jingle.
A little rabbit's made it over to my carrot field

Deer: "Hey you rotten rabbit! Get back 'ere with my carrots!"

I grab my shot gun and give chase. I try to fire off a shot, but I'm too trigger happy an miss the litte bugger.

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/05/09(Tue)19:42 No. 1063244 ID: 15a025
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"Ow! What in the-"
Another one! It's biting in my leg?! These things got a taste for blood now too or something?

>>1063244
Smash it with the butt of your shotgun. THEN EAT IT ALIVE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ITS FRIENDS

>>1063244
Its a two barrelled shotgun! Use the other barrel! Smoke HIM!

Is... is that duck okay?

>These things got a taste for blood now too or something?
Desperation move at seeing their friend shot at, maybe. Might too have a powerful grudge against deerkind - and a hunger to them. Didn't their own crops get chowed down on by that princess bunnylope? Wasn't your fault or problem then, but this is clearly your problem now.

Grab 'em by the scruff of their neck and ask what the hooey the small woodland folk think they're doing. They really gotten so short on perishables they gotta nab from the neighbor's afore her crops're even full grown?

Why risk it? You ain't no-one to mess with, so this is all but guaranteed to continue escalating if it goes on.

Buckwheat 2023/05/23(Tue)18:36 No. 1064440 ID: 15a025
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>Is... is that duck okay?
Yeah, probably.

>Desperation move at seeing their friend shot at, maybe. Might too have a powerful grudge against deerkind - and a hunger to them. Didn't their own crops get chowed down on by that princess bunnylope? Wasn't your fault or problem then, but this is clearly your problem now.
Princess who? You don't know about no bunnies yourself.

>Smash it with the butt of your shotgun.
>Its a two barrelled shotgun! Use the other barrel! Smoke HIM!
You bash the bun with gun butt, and shake the bugger off your leg.
Then you blast it, but you miss again! Stupid gun. It manages to scurry off.

Buckwheat 2023/05/23(Tue)18:36 No. 1064441 ID: 15a025
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Suddenly a gunshot blasts back at you!

Hit the deck!

Hit the deck, yeah - but can you tell where it's coming from?

>>1064441
Get behind cover, yell at the offending shooter.

Tell them deer season ended months ago!!!

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/07/16(Sun)18:33 No. 1068006 ID: 15a025
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>Hit the deck!
>Hit the deck, yeah - but can you tell where it's coming from?
>Get behind cover, yell at the offending shooter.
>Tell them deer season ended months ago!!!

You panic! You’ve never been ‘da one ‘ta to get shot at. You holler “Deer season ended months ago!” as ya rush behind some’n for cover.

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/07/16(Sun)18:33 No. 1068007 ID: 15a025
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Ya take a small peek. A strange lookin critter with a rifle surveys the area.

“This is Grande Marshall Bunelope! Surrender now and hand over your crops! The Buh-nunny-lope army demands your contribution to help us survive the war!”

War? What war is this basket case talkin about?! We ain’t at no war!

Demand to know what in the sam-hell he's talking about.

is Grande Marshall Bunelope just standing out in the open? seems like they are new to this, lets keep it that way and see if you can take the shot

"Well shoot, I didn't know you were with the Bun-nunny-lopes! Down with those anti buns!"

Tell her if there really was a war, she would have asked you for food politely instead of tresspassin' and stealing. how can you trust her after that?

Oh no he's a rabbit, and also a deer! Does that make him a varmint or not?! You're so confused!

1/4 Buckwheat 2023/07/18(Tue)17:38 No. 1068152 ID: 15a025
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>Oh no she's a rabbit, and also a deer! Does that make her a varmint or not?! You're so confused!
Any filthy varmint trying to steal your food and crops is a filthy varmint!

>is Grande Marshall Bunelope just standing out in the open? seems like they are new to this, lets keep it that way and see if you can take the shot
You return fire and blast big ol hole through ‘er!

2/4 Buckwheat 2023/07/18(Tue)17:38 No. 1068153 ID: 15a025
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Wait a second, that’s too flat to be a dead body!

3/4 Buckwheat 2023/07/18(Tue)17:39 No. 1068154 ID: 15a025
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Another shot grazes past you

Grande Marshall Bunelope: “Haha! You’ve fallen for my decoy! ‘Twas just a cutout.”

If only the world wasn’t monochrome, otherwise you wouldn’t have fallen for such an obvious trick.

>Tell her if there really was a war, she would have asked you for food politely instead of tresspassin' and stealing. How can you trust her after that?
>Demand to know what in the sam-hell he's talking about.
“You rotten crook, what in the sam-hell are you going on about? There ain’t no war!”

Grande Marshall Bunelope: "Oh to be a blissful peasant farmer. Better your crops go to us than be ransacked by-"
>Tell her if there really was a war, she would have asked you for food politely instead of tresspassin' and stealing. how can you trust her after that?

“If y’all needed food for the war, y’all would have ask for it first instead of sneakin and stealin!”

Grande Marshall Bunelope: “You dare insult our cause and my honor! I challenge you to a duel!”

"You can’t just challenge anyone! You gotta hit them with a gl-"

That's a rabbit lucky foot!
Cannibal! Team up with the rabbits to defeat this dark chimera of doom and gloom!

… a duel it is, then.

As the challenged you declare the weapons of the duel to be one’s horns.

You will lower your gun, as will they, and the both of you will step out, line up, count down from three, then charge at one another to clash and lock horns in the ancient rite of domination. First to be thrown to the ground shall cede, with the Victor being given the rights of matrimony.

… you think that’s how it goes? And you sure ain’t sharing your crops outside of family anyway, so that makes sense too. Gorndarn, didn’t expect to be proposed by a duel of all things today. Gonna have to dust off your spare set of horns and all.

>>1068197

No you fool, female deer don't have antlers!

>>1068197
Doe have no antlers, unless she's got a pair she can tie to her head for just such an occasion. Even so, bunelope would still have the advantage. But surely she's got some obscure weapon she's some talent with?

She's the one challenging you, so demand to stablish favorable conditions, you could even demand it to be a battle of skills
What's your best skill?

>>1068578
Yeah, this. Set the terms to your favor. Doesn't have to be a duel to the death or anything.

"you don't start a duel that way, idiot, you gotta walk up to the person a slap them with a removed glove, not throw it at them. Try again!"

1/4 Buckwheat 2023/07/25(Tue)19:04 No. 1068930 ID: 15a025
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>As the challenged you declare the weapons of the duel to be one’s horns.
You’re not going to give her the advantage in this! You don’t even have horns. Let alone a pair of antlers.

>She's the one challenging you, so demand to establish favorable conditions; you could even demand it to be a battle of skills. What's your best skill?
>Yeah, this. Set the terms to your favor. Doesn't have to be a duel to the death or anything.
“Very well, you want a duel. You’ve got one! Our weapon of choice will be a knife. A knife with a blade of no longer than three inches.”

The rabbits around gasp, and then start chanting:
”Knife fight! Knife fight! Knife fight!”

Grande Marshall Bunelope: “Well it seems my troops agree! “

2/4 Buckwheat 2023/07/25(Tue)19:05 No. 1068931 ID: 15a025
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I gather a knife and we meet up in the middle of the field. The duel starts on the count of ten, echoed by a gun shot.

4/4 Buckwheat 2023/07/25(Tue)19:05 No. 1068933 ID: 15a025
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“How close of a shave you want?”

You didn't declare the conditions of victory though. Is it to the death? First blood? Well regardless, let Bunelope surrender so they stop going after your farm. Then you can decide whether or not to help with the war effort.

"Listen up, vermin! You pay for the vegetables, xor you're fertilizer! It's that simple!"

Spank the bun bun in the bum bum until she learns not to rob you anymore.

>>1068936
this. set the boundaries

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/07/27(Thu)16:39 No. 1069094 ID: 15a025
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>You didn't declare the conditions of victory though. Is it to the death? First blood?
…Shoot. Gotta keep my guard up.

>let Bunelope surrender so they stop going after your farm. Then you can decide whether or not to help with the war effort.
>"Listen up, vermin! You pay for the vegetables, xor you're fertilizer! It's that simple!"
I press my knife up closer to her neck
“Listen up ya crooked varmint. Surrender now, or I’ll use ya fer fertilizer.”

Grande Marshall Bunelope: “I SURRENDER! PLEASE! MY TROOPS NEED ME!”

I see her knife on the ground and kick it to the side.

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/07/27(Thu)16:40 No. 1069095 ID: 15a025
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I release her from my hold and start setting some demands.

“Your early little harvest on my dang crops is gonna really set me back now. You pests have been pick’n away at my fields for at least three days now. I want the truth, and I want restitution!”

Grande Marshall Bunelope: “Well, I do need food for my troops. We’re not out fighting a war, just starvation and the elements at this point.”

“So then go back home or to your base, or whatever!”

Grande Marshall Bunelope: “We can’t! We have no food or resources!”

“No nothing huh? Well, how are you going to pay for actions, Grande Marshall?”

Grande Marshall Bunelope: “We’ll.. we’ll… We could set up camp here for a few days and work for you?”

Honestly I could use the lil varmints help protecting my garden. More than just pesky rabbits here that’d eat up my veggies. Ugh, but then I got like five mouths to fill while they’re here. Are they going to want food for the road too?

Set ‘em to digging trenches! You can give ‘em the old stuff that’s about to go bad.

With them working for you, the garden can be more productive; and you won't have to worry about varmints, they know starvation; and due the war maybe they will be able to ration the resources you give them

>>1069095
Well first off they get to fix up your garden, help you restore it to prime condition. Second, they can do some chores for the house. Third they can forage for food. You know what's good around here, right? Teach them to gather stuff that's worth gathering.

Is there a town nearby that could use some temporary labor?

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/07/30(Sun)18:27 No. 1069402 ID: 15a025
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>Is there a town nearby that could use some temporary labor?
Well, nearby is subjective. I don’t like dealing with all the loud townfolks and critters. Plus, too many thieves around. There is one about half a day’s trek on foot you can get to though.

>With them working for you, the garden can be more productive; and you won't have to worry about varmints, they know starvation; and due the war maybe they will be able to ration the resources you give them
>Set ‘em to digging trenches! You can give ‘em the old stuff that’s about to go bad.
“Alright, I’ll let you varmints stay for two days. Then you’re packing it up and heading off to town to go bother someone else. You’re going to be working your fluffy lil rear ends off to fix my farm and crops though!”

The small army of rabbits cheer with excitement.

“Now start fortifying the fields, dig me some trenches. Survey the area and find any easy entry-“

Grande Marshall Bunelope: “Hold it! I’m the Grande Marshall here. I’ll be the one to order my troops, thank you very much. Now! Start digging trenches, those pesky squirrels won’t even see what shot’em!”

Hm, I don’t remember there being any squirrels around these parts?

The troops whip out and unfold their shovels and start digging me some trenches. I head the other way, and water my crops.

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/07/30(Sun)18:27 No. 1069403 ID: 15a025
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Before we know it, nightfall hits us.
Everyone is uneasy though. Echoes of strange high pitched barks fill the fields… worry is clearly amongst the troops.

Things NOT to do:

-Sing Campfire songs
-Bark back
-Get drunk

So naturally, the troops are doing all three at once.

"ugh, FIIIIINE, I suppose you guys can sleep in the barn tonight."

>>1069403
Ask them about the squirrels.

"I'm sorry, are you soldiers or are you actors? Get into formation and get those melee defenses up! You don't get to run until someone on the other side pulls out a gun!"

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/08/01(Tue)18:18 No. 1069562 ID: 15a025
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>Things NOT to do: Sing Campfire songs. Bark back. Get drunk. So naturally, the troops are doing all three at once.
Well, they were doing two of those things until recently…

>Ask them about the squirrels.
“That wouldn’t be those ‘squirrels’ you mentioned earlier?”

Trooper 1: “GIANT SQUIRRELS. TOOTHY TOOTHY SQUIRRELS!”

Grande Marshall Bunelope: “Quiet! they’ll hear you, stupid.”

>"I'm sorry, are you soldiers or are you actors? Get into formation and get those melee defenses up! You don't get to run until someone on the other side pulls out a gun!"
“So, go and be the soldiers you say you are! Or are you lousy lot just a group of actors?”

Trooper 2: “Uh, actually I was drafted right out of acting school… I thought it was for a role in a war movie! Not actually going to the war…”

Grande Marshall Bunelope: “Quiet you. Pick up your arms and prepare to fire!”

The troops frantically grab their guns and take positions throughout the garden.

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/08/01(Tue)18:22 No. 1069563 ID: 15a025
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BANG!

Grande Marshall Bunelope: “Hold your fire! We can’t even see them yet!”

Trooper: “Wasn’t us!”

Trooper 2: “It’s the enemy!”

BANG!

Trooper 3: “FOURS DOWN!”

Trooper 4: “Ow, my helmet.”

Trooper 3: “NEVERMIND!”

Trooper 4: ”But I’m bleeding…

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/08/01(Tue)18:22 No. 1069564 ID: 15a025
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I’m starting to see why this lot got into the situation they’re in. Ugh, what am I bringing out to support these jokers with?

TANKS

>>1069564
Night vision goggles. Grenade launcher. Pesticide.

Mustard Gas illegal pesticides, hairspray, and one of Bunnelope's grenades.
Have your best grenadier toss this duct-taped combo.

Riding lawnmower, or a TANK

Bring a doll/helmet/carrot on a stick; you can stick it out from the trenches to check if it's safe to stick your head up
Maybe bring acorns to throw and distract the squirrels?

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/08/06(Sun)19:04 No. 1069870 ID: 15a025
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>TANKS
>a TANK
What in the world is a tank?

>Riding lawnmower
Do I look like a rich farmer to you? Actually, don’t answer that. Cause look at what I worked my rear end off for! Not exactly fast enough to charge into gun fire with though.

>Bring a doll/helmet/carrot on a stick; you can stick it out from the trenches to check if it's safe to stick your head up
There’s an idea. Sure would suck to get shot poking out of a trench. Happens to be an old bunny doll in here. I can probably get a helmet from the marshal.

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/08/06(Sun)19:10 No. 1069871 ID: 15a025
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>Grenade launcher
“Hey Grande Marshall! You got one of them launchers that fires a grenade?”

Grande Marshall Bunelope: “Are you crazy! I’ve only got one, and you’ll probably just blow us up!”

"Take a look out there! You got a rag tag team on their last legs with almost no ammo left! Either get out there and fire it yourself or I'm taking it and defending my property!"

She begrudgingly forks ‘er over. Heavier than I thought it’d be too. I grab a spare helmet for the bunny doll as well.

Alrighty. I’ve got one shot with this thing, as well as my little decoy buddy. Question now is, do I charge in through the cover of my trenches to get closer or am I just blasting this thing blindly into the woods? What’s the plan here?

do a grenade jump, like a rocket jump, and tackle the enemy

alternatively, just charge in through the cover of my trenches

>>1069874
Aerial assault is the only way to go!

If you can't see them, how do they see you to shoot you? They're squirrels, squirrels can't see in the dark.

Did you leave the lights on or something?

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/08/08(Tue)17:59 No. 1069979 ID: 15a025
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>do a grenade jump, like a rocket jump, and tackle the enemy
>Aerial assault is the only way to go!

I think I know how to do this. Let’s see here…

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/08/08(Tue)17:59 No. 1069980 ID: 15a025
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/08/08(Tue)17:59 No. 1069981 ID: 15a025
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AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ouf! Ow… It’s a good thing I landed on this big ol critter. Otherwise I could have don gone broke my legs!

I get up and ready the launcher, only to quickly realize I just used up my only grenade to get over here.

Take critter hostage.

>>1069981
Take critter's weapon.

Loot the body, time-honored tradition.

Take their weapon. All part of the plan.

>>1069981
Also the enemy does not necessarily realize you’re outta ammo. Demand a surrender while you have them flanked.

Or a duel.

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/08/20(Sun)18:37 No. 1070472 ID: 15a025
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>Take critter's weapon.
>Loot the body, time-honored tradition.
>Take their weapon. All part of the plan.
Finders Keepers as they say! I toss the empty gun aside and pick up the enemies rifle instead. Scope and all!

>Also the enemy does not necessarily realize you’re outta ammo. Demand a surrender while you have them flanked. Or a duel.
Unfortunately, I don’t have a glove to issue a duel with. I check to make sure this rifle has ammo in it. Looks like I’ve got six shots here.

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/08/20(Sun)18:38 No. 1070473 ID: 15a025
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I march forward to flank the enemy. Up ahead I spy two gunners fira’n away at the rabbits. Something odd lookin about these squirrels though, I don’t member seeing any big and tall like this? Both seem to be taking cover behind a bush to stay hidden.

Can’t say for sure how far away they are, but I can only really see’em with the scope. How am I picking these two off? Or should I avoid confrontation?

Inventory check:
Rifle with scope (six bullets)
Plush bunny with helmet
Lucky Earring.

Just blastem. What are you waiting for?

Those ears, that snouty silhouette... are those wolves out there?! What's their darn cauliflower in all this?

And who confuses wolves for squirrels?!

Bah, give them some shot in the rear - by which I mean ass. Send them howling!

>>1070473
One of them is looking at front i'd say you're safe from that one
The other one looks like they're looking at you; but their rifle is still pointing forwards; i'd say first take that one
I think it'd alert your presence so take cover right after, trenches are trenchy for a reason

Don't be a jingoist. Hold them up, but confirm they're with the enemy before you open fire. They might be neutral in all this!

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/08/23(Wed)16:09 No. 1070629 ID: 15a025
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>Don't be a jingoist. Hold them up, but confirm they're with the enemy before you open fire. They might be neutral in all this!
I don’t exactly take too kindly to strangers firing their guns at my farmland. They might be neutral in whatever this conflict is, but they’re certainly being a hostile to my land.

Hm… though, they don’t know who’s side I’m on.

>One of them is looking at front i'd say you're safe from that one
The other one looks like they're looking at you; but their rifle is still pointing forwards; i'd say first take that one I think it'd alert your presence so take cover right after, trenches are trenchy for a reason
>Bah, give them some shot in the rear - by which I mean ass. Send them howling!
I fire a shot at the one to my right, with the goal of shooting to disarm. I drop back behind cover before the other can turn and spot me. I can hear one of them yip and yowl in pain.
“Drop your weapons and put your paws up now!”

Soldier?: “What the hell, an ambush!?”

“I said drop your weapons now!”

I hear a loud clunk, followed by a gun shot, and then followed by more yowling.

Soldier?: “Ah shit.”

Wounded Soldier: ”Augh you screw up!”

Is everyone around here incompetent with firearms or something?

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/08/23(Wed)16:11 No. 1070631 ID: 15a025
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I emerge from the bush, gun pointed at the one on the left.
Soldier: “Wait, you’re not a rabbit?”

“No, and you don’t exactly look like squirrels to me. I’m the owner of the farm you’re blasting to bits! What in the blazes do you think you’re doing?”

Soldier: “Don’t be getting hoofy with us ma’am. Look, you got a problem, take it up with the captain.”

I raise the rifle and start to aim at him.

Soldier: “H-hey! That’s one of our rifles! Who’s side are you even on here?!”

Your side, if you'll stop blasting my farm. Where's your captain?

-"That’s one of our rifles!"
You picked up that rifle from an enemy... that can't be good
but they're still not squirrels clearly; so they could be mercs. either way they seem to not know on what side are you, try to convince them you are on their side

>>1070631
Tell him to take you to the captain.

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/08/27(Sun)12:01 No. 1071006 ID: 15a025
File 169316289594.png - (7.33KB , 800x800 , 39.png )

>Your side, if you'll stop blasting my farm. Where's your captain?
>You picked up that rifle from an enemy... that can't be good but they're still not squirrels clearly; so they could be mercs. either way they seem to not know on what side are you, try to convince them you are on their side
“You can count me on your side if it’ll get you to stop blasting my farm! How am I supposed to get any gardening done with you lot shooting holes in everything!”

Soldier: "I-"

“I don’t care what your directives are, or whatever. Just take me to whoever your captain is.”
Soldier: “We- we can’t just abandon our post! We’ll get charged with desertion!”
Wounded Soldier: “Augh! Take me to sick bay so I can get my leg bandaged and just bring her with.”

Soldier: “I guess that could work.”

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/08/27(Sun)12:02 No. 1071007 ID: 15a025
File 169316292588.png - (8.78KB , 800x800 , 40.png )

They wrap some cloth over the wounded guys leg and I help him limp back to their little camp.
From there, I’m taken over to quite the intimidating looking fox. She’s quite the toothy smirk.

Fox Captain?: “Private! What are you doing leaving your post and bringing civilians into my tent!”

Soldier: “Captain! This is no ordinary civilian! This deer snuck behind our lines with a rifle!”

Fox Captain: "Ah! So the rabbits have hired mercenaries of their own-"

“Look, I don’t know or care about whatever in blazes is going on here. I want you and your troops off my farm and to quit blasting my crops to bits!”

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/08/27(Sun)12:02 No. 1071008 ID: 15a025
File 169316294084.png - (8.24KB , 800x800 , 41.png )

Fox Captain: “And what are you going to do about it deery? The squirrels have paid us greatly to wipe out the rest of those gluttonous rabbits. What could you possibly offer to get us to pack up and leave?”

>And what are you going to do about it deery?

I have two options that I'll need some others to back either up for me.

1. [Join the Fox Captain] give away the positions of their enemies. You helped strategize their defenses so why not?

2. [Fight for the Bunelope!] borrow a glove from one of the soldiers. Then slap her with it for a duel. You win? She leaves.

It occurs to me that we have little reason to be loyal to the rabbits.

Re-examine your motivations here. Who do you like least in this conflict? Maybe you should ask these mercs how the war started. Why are the squirrels and rabbits fighting?

>>1071128
This. Why are they even fighting.

So they are mercs!, soldiers of fortune, the authority they serve is whoever pays the most
I think it'd be almost impossible to simply convince them to change sides unless you pay them off.
Explain how you where dragged into this conflict unwillingly
And i agree it's a good time to ask questions about this war

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/08/30(Wed)17:00 No. 1071319 ID: 15a025
File 169344001613.png - (7.99KB , 800x800 , 42.png )

>Explain how you where dragged into this conflict unwillingly
“Listen here, first those filthy varmints were stealing my crops and I had to defend my own land against them. Then they worked out a deal with me to fix up the damages they caused! Now it’s moonlight and I’m back to getting shot at over some war I ain’t even involved in! I’m just about at my wits end here!”

>Re-examine your motivations here. Who do you like least in this conflict? Maybe you should ask these mercs how the war started. Why are the squirrels and rabbits fighting?
>This. Why are they even fighting.
>i agree it's a good time to ask questions about this war
“So if I’m getting dragged into this, I want to know what in the world this is all about!”

Fox Captain: “Well aren’t you the feisty little farmer. Normally I’d have pests like you blasted by now, but you seem surprisingly capable for a nonmilitant. I suppose I can spare a moment to fill you in, deery.”

She clears her throat.

Fox Captain: “Approximately three weeks ago, the gluttonous rabbits launched an invasion on the squirrel’s territory for land. The rabbits thought they could get away with chopping down trees to expand their farmlands, but the squirrels weren’t having it! Alas, their little territory dispute was too evenly matched. Thus where we come into play. We’re paid very generously for any platoon or squad of rabbits we can wipe out. For such example, the pests on your property.”

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/08/30(Wed)17:01 No. 1071320 ID: 15a025
File 169344009480.png - (8.19KB , 800x800 , 43.png )

She grins at you.
Fox Captain: “Why, you should be thanking us for the pest control, deery. What’s a few bullet holes in some dilapidated shed or a few damaged crops to you anyway? Better than feeding and harboring a band of enemies to a mercenary group of carnivores, isn’t it?”

Well, I guess I've got two options here at least,

>>1071122
> 1. [Join the Fox Captain] give away the positions of their enemies. You helped strategize their defenses so why not?
>2. [Fight for the Bunelope!] borrow a glove from one of the soldiers. Then slap her with it for a duel. You win? She leaves.

What's it going to be?

It's TIME to D-D-D-D-D-EER

2

>>1071320
1. Time for the rabbits to buy the farm.

Can we just be on neither side and just fight to get all these assholes off our property?

You'll give them... one... turnip if they work for you, instead of the squirrels.

>>1071393
>>1071326
Ooh, got an idea on how to reconcile these.

Let's challenge the fox captain for ruleship of the company, then we will lead the army to drive the varmints off our property OUR way!

Offer to buy their services to drive both parties off your land and into ceasefire terms.

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/09/26(Tue)18:03 No. 1073328 ID: 15a025
File 169577662106.png - (7.78KB , 800x800 , 44.png )

>You'll give them... one... turnip if they work for you, instead of the squirrels.
“I’ll pay you one turnip to join my side.”

Fox Captain: “One turnip? Look I know they’re expensive but one ain’t even close to enough.”

>challenge the fox captain for ruleship of the company, then we will lead the army to drive the varmints off our property OUR way!
“Any of you got a glove?”

One of the foxes gives me a glove, then I slap the fox captain and issue a duel.

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/09/26(Tue)18:04 No. 1073329 ID: 15a025
File 169577664497.png - (7.42KB , 800x800 , 45.png )

Fox Captain: “Haha! Are you serious farmer? You’re going to duel me?”

Fox Captain: “Alright, a duel it is. Here’s my terrrrrrr Hmm…

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/09/26(Tue)18:04 No. 1073330 ID: 15a025
File 169577667269.png - (7.18KB , 800x800 , 46.png )

Fox Captain: ”Can’t kill her, the farm would be a good food source…

Fox Captain: “Alright! A simple game if you will. Capture the flag!”

Soldier: “Captain, don’t you have better-“

Fox Captain: “And if I win, I get your farm!”

“What!”

Fox Captain: “I don’t care what you want if you win, because it’ll never happen anyway. Sound good?”

Tell her nice try but no dice! I think She's trying to waste your time with a diversion.

Bet the farm? The thing your very own deer self has toiled and moaned and spent years and years keeping tip top and running and productive against all kindsa varmints and invadements?! The sunk costs alone could sink her army!

Sure, why not.

You can always sign up as a soldier if you're so bested. Seeing as you seem to have some kinda weird talent in that direction and you hear successful soldiers tend to be awarded with a piece of land.

What are the rules? When do we start?

1/3 Buckwheat 2023/09/30(Sat)22:13 No. 1073689 ID: 15a025
File 169613718198.png - (7.75KB , 800x800 , 47.png )

>What are the rules? When do we start?
Fox Captain: “I suppose I should have clarified it better. Seeing as you’re some lone farmer with no team to help protect your flag…”

Fox Captain: “You just simply have to take it from me.”

“That almost sounds too simple? If I just have to take the flag from you, what’s the condition of my defeat?”

Fox Captain: “Oh I don’t plan on going down without a fight. If you’re unable to get back up or lose consciousness, I win.”

2/3 Buckwheat 2023/09/30(Sat)22:13 No. 1073690 ID: 15a025
File 169613719524.png - (8.07KB , 800x800 , 48.png )

Fox Captain: “Also, surrenders will be ignored.”

3/3 Buckwheat 2023/09/30(Sat)22:13 No. 1073691 ID: 15a025
File 169613721861.png - (9.34KB , 800x800 , 49.png )

She proceeds to place a small flag on a stick in her mouth.

Fox Captain: “Think you can take it deery?”

She proceeds to bite down on it and takes a stance.

Do you accept the terms of the duel?

Accept... and then striptease.

Sure.

Then shoot her in the leg.

"Alright."
Sock her in the snout.
Then do it again.

1/2 Buckwheat 2023/10/01(Sun)17:59 No. 1073777 ID: 15a025
File 169620839287.png - (7.67KB , 800x800 , 50.png )

>Sure. Then shoot her in the leg.
Well, she didn’t say I couldn’t use my gun.

So I blast her in the leg!

Fox Captain: “Augh! You-you rotten farmer! What’d you do that for!”

2/2 Buckwheat 2023/10/01(Sun)18:00 No. 1073778 ID: 15a025
File 169620840583.png - (8.16KB , 800x800 , 51.png )

I pick up the flag and declare my victory. Now comes the question of do I want them to scram or do I take over as their new captain, and use them to drive off those other pests?

We’ve solved on problem. Let’s use it to solve another.

Look at me. I’m the captain now.

>>1073778
Well, I still think we should get rid of the rabbits, but now that we're in charge we can do it in a way that doesn't add more bullet holes to the farm.

You can come back pretending to be victorious with whatever evidence would be most convincing, and thus lure the rabbits into a false sense of security. Eventually you can signal the soldiers to sneak in and take them out quiet-like. Or lure the rabbits away from your farm somehow but I'm not sure how.

Convert the defeated captain Shadow of Mordor style so she and her troops obey you unconditionally.
Just press Y on your gamepad.

1/6 Buckwheat 2023/10/08(Sun)16:14 No. 1074335 ID: 15a025
File 169680684714.png - (9.02KB , 800x800 , 52.png )

>We’ve solved on problem. Let’s use it to solve another.
>Look at me. I’m the captain now.
>Convert the defeated captain Shadow of Mordor style so she and her troops obey you unconditionally.
“One problem down, one to go. As winner of this duel I declare myself the new captain.”

Ex-fox Captain: “What!”

“You heard me. I’m taking over this mission. We’re doing it my way now, and my way involves my farm not getting blasted to bits. All troops! Gather around!”

>You can come back pretending to be victorious with whatever evidence would be most convincing, and thus lure the rabbits into a false sense of security. Eventually you can signal the soldiers to sneak in and take them out quiet-like.

I explain the plan to my new army of mercenaries. I get many nods of agreement.

2/6 Buckwheat 2023/10/08(Sun)16:14 No. 1074336 ID: 15a025
File 169680687333.png - (7.48KB , 800x800 , 53.png )

I arrive back at the farm and declare my victory to Grande Marshall Bunelope.

Grande Marshall Bunelope: “We’re sure lucky to have you on our side, farmer. We’re entirely out of ammo and resources at this point. We couldn’t have done it without you!”

3/6 Buckwheat 2023/10/08(Sun)16:14 No. 1074337 ID: 15a025
File 169680688944.png - (9.21KB , 800x800 , 54.png )

I look around at the bullet holes and damaged buildings. Crops either half eaten or squashed. Anger and bottomless despair fills my thoughts with this sight for sore eyes.

4/6 Buckwheat 2023/10/08(Sun)16:15 No. 1074338 ID: 15a025
File 169680691168.png - (7.67KB , 800x800 , 55.png )

Grande Marshall Bunelope: “W-what’s with that look?”

5/6 Buckwheat 2023/10/08(Sun)16:15 No. 1074339 ID: 15a025
File 169680693249.png - (6.56KB , 800x800 , 56.png )

“Find your salvation elsewhere, Grande Marshall. We are done here.”

I give the signal and the mercenaries open fire on the rabbits.

6/6 Buckwheat 2023/10/08(Sun)16:16 No. 1074340 ID: 15a025
File 169680696387.png - (8.17KB , 800x800 , 57.png )

Gardening in the first few weeks of spring never has been easy…

THE END!

Brutal!