Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/19(Thu)16:25 No. 773412 ID: a606da
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Choose your fighter!

Polatia, the Piercing Zephyr!

Fencing at lightning-speed, Polatia is known far and wide as the fastest person in the world! In addition, she is bound to the Wind Foil, an enchanted rapier housing arcane spirits! The Wind Foil never leaves her defenseless for long, as it will always return to her hand before a minute has passed! With such dexterity and a mystical blade on her side, can any mortal hope to best her? Watch her in the ring, and see for yourself!

Lorakal, the Mountain Breaker!

No one knows the true identity of this mysterious combatant, but they are without a doubt the strongest person in the world, despite their small stature and unimposing clothes! Able to obliterate entire mountain ranges with only their pickaxe and a few days, they are truly a force to be reckoned with! Are they even human?! Watch them in the ring, and then decide for yourself!

Elkettio, the Painomancer!

Originally in training to become a wizard, Elkettio decided he’d rather pummel people in open combat! Utilizing a number of cruel spells, horrible potions, and other dastardly tricks, Elkettio is infamously known as the most devious person in the world! With a plethora of nightmares up his sleeve, is he beyond being beaten by any non-magical competitors? Watch him in the ring, but don’t get too close - you might get cursed!

What about that guy in the corner, fighting an exact duplicate of himself?

>>773412
How the fuck can we not pick painomancer? Punch them, friend! Punch them so hard their souls disconnect from their dick and only their dick, leaving them impotent for the rest of their lives!
Punch them so violently their teeth explode out of their face!
Punch them in the gut, not even in a special way just do it!
PAIN WIZARD

PAIN WIZARD

Lorakal is the clear choice here, what opponent can threaten them when they can break the very earth they stand on. I bet they can even bench press boulders without breaking a sweat.

>>773413
Support, that guy sounds cool.

>>773412
Polatia

Painomancer is tricky but mountain breaker sounds more fun, more room for creativity.

pain wizard

Alright the duelist does seem busy, let's go with Lorakal.

Elkettio!
We will taste their suffering!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/19(Thu)18:30 No. 773450 ID: a606da
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“Alright, ladies, gentlemen, neuters and androgynes! The waiting is almost over! Within moments, the greatest match in history shall begin! Elkettio, Lorakal, and Polatia, the grand champions of numerous tournaments worldwide, shall now battle for the ultimate prize: a fight with the most dangerous combatant in the world, with both an enormous fortune and the title of Greatest Warrior of All Time riding on victory!”

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/19(Thu)18:31 No. 773451 ID: a606da
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“The stage is set! The fighters are ready! What are the rules, you may ask? Why, there are none! The winner is the last one standing in the arena! Nothing else matters! If anyone from the crowd wants to enter the fray, then you may do so! But take care, for it’s a full-force rumble, folks! Even I, your humble referee commentating with a magiphone, am not truly safe! Yes, it’s dangerous, it will probably be bloody, and it’s starting… now!”

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/19(Thu)18:32 No. 773452 ID: a606da
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Hmph. What fools. Do they really think they can challenge me? I’ve never lost a fight, and I never will!

I can already see that the foolish duelist and the ridiculous miner are eyeing me. Yes, they must know that I am their greatest enemy! Ha ha! I have a few moments to go over my prepared weaponry, so I’ll do an inventory check.

1. Four throwing daggers coated in the inebriating venom of the Jorish Barfly.
2. Three throwable potions of baleful transformation.
3. My fists, wrapped in the Armbands of Woeful Immobilization. Whatever my punches touch will be temporarily paralyzed.
4. My spells, each with two uses: Arrow of Nausea, Cone of Extreme Pain, and Corricot’s Smoke of Illusions.
5. A generous supply of caltrops.

Fantastic. Everything’s right where it’s supposed to be.

Well, then! I’m not going to sit around and wait for them to figure out their strategies. I’m going to make the first move! So, what should that first move be?

Well, unless you have a really good throwing arm, you probably want to get closer to your target before you chuck whatever. Is there going to be another round? If not, might be worth trying that potion of baleful transformation.

Lorakal is probably a bigger threat to you, he can mess with the terrain in a way Polatia can't. So try and target him first.

how good is your aim? cause I feel that if you can dagger shorty first thing he'll be less of a problem for you during the fight. Biggest pain is going to be the dualist since she's fast. Going need a way to slow her down so you can land some of your poisons on her and slow her down even more.

>>773452
whip out your enchanted dick of hurting and whirl it about to create a dick-scented whirlwhind to blow the competetition
...away.

Caltrop the ref so he can't call you on fouls! He's got his own quarter, so he's got to be a secret contender!

(You guys took one look at the title and thought *this* was the kind of guy who did honorable conflict. Ugh.)

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/19(Thu)19:10 No. 773463 ID: a606da
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>Caltrop the ref so he can't call you on fouls!

Bah, you fool! There are no fouls in this match!

>Lorakal is probably a bigger threat to you, he can mess with the terrain in a way Polatia can't. So try and target him first.

Hmm. True.

>dagger shorty first thing he'll be less of a problem for you during the fight

Done!

>how good is your aim?

Impeccable.

“Oh, that’s a direct hit!” Yells the referee. “Lorakal’s wobbling around! Why, that must be the inebriating venom of the Jorish Barfly! Lorakal’s going to be having one heck of a hangover tomorrow, folks, I'll tell you what! Say, what’s the miner doing now?!”

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/19(Thu)19:11 No. 773465 ID: a606da
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“Holy hangnails, that’s a hit! Lorakal’s gone and cleaved a solid quarter of the arena into a massive chasm, bleachers and all! It seems as though Elkettio’s plan has backfired - Lorakal’s gone and lost control of their strength! Well, there goes a chunk of the crowd, but you know how it is - these things happen! So, what could possibly be next?! Stay with us, folks! This is getting good!”

...Well, dang.

Now what?

Well it looks like swordslady's distracted. Quick, hit her with a potion.

Scatter some catrops between you and the fencer while they are still distracted.

>>773465
That ‼Legendary Miner‼ skill. Guess that's what we should have expected for inebriating the dorf.

Fire arrow of nausea at Polatia

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/19(Thu)19:50 No. 773477 ID: a606da
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>Scatter some catrops between you and the fencer while they are still distracted.

As I let the caltrops fall from my hand, I see the fencer in question racing towards me! She dances between the caltrops so deftly that I can’t make heads or tails out of her movements. She’s ridiculously fast!

>Quick, hit her with a potion.

Still shocked at her quickness, I lob a potion at her. She immediately grabs it out of the air and throws it far behind her, letting it fall uselessly to the floor. Showoff.

>Fire arrow of nausea at Polatia

I let loose with a long-distance projectile of vomit-inducing magic, but she slides away from it, dodging it completely. This is getting infuriating!

"Enough! I’ve heard the rumors about you, but I never thought they’d be so true!” She hisses. “You absolute cretin! You dishonor our entire profession with these childish tricks and manipulations! Normally, I don’t like to let personal feelings into a duel, but for you, I’ll make an exception!”

“Woo! Yeah!” Her rapier cheers in a cacophony of scratchy voices. “Get ‘im, Polatia! Get ‘im!”

Argh! This battle isn't going at all the way I planned it!

How do I get myself out of this one?

Let's see her dodge a CONE of extreme pain

>>773477
"That's kind of a curious concept, where did the idea of 'honor' in life or death situations even come up? Kinda stupid when you think about it for more than a minute really unless it was as a handicap for people who were just worse at fighting than us."

>>773477
You need an attack she can't dodge. An area of effect spell.

Illusion smoke, unidirectional. Enough to get her off your back, and buy a surprise attack. Maybe you can bait the dorf into attacking her.

>>773477
With her speed, I think you may have to tank a hit to get a guaranteed hit in. A cone might work if she's close enough, but then again she could just get closer and move slightly to the left. If you want to be REALLY sure to hit her, let her stab you somewhere nonvital and punch her with your paralysis bandages. It's the only time you can be really sure which way she'll move.

Cast Smoke of Illusions - Project multiple illusory copies, but hide your true self! Clothesline her as she runs the shadow clones through.

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/19(Thu)20:56 No. 773502 ID: a606da
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"That's kind of a curious concept, where did the idea of 'honor' in life or death situations even come up?” I chuckle. “Kind of stupid when you think about it for more than a minute, really, unless it was as a handicap for people who were just worse at fighting than us."

“You insult even the concept of honor?! How dare you!” She dashes at me, rapier in hand. “En garde, you lout!”

I jump aside at the last second. She grazes my shoulder, but it only hurts a little, and it's all part of the plan. I laugh as she goes sailing past me. “Gotcha!”

“What?!”

>Cast Smoke of Illusions
>Illusion smoke, unidirectional. Enough to get her off your back

I cast Corricot’s Smoke of Illusions. She doesn’t have the time to escape it. Perfect!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/19(Thu)20:57 No. 773503 ID: a606da
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“What the - hey! Get back here!” She flails wildly, utterly lost inside the small cloud of smoke. “Where’d you go, you cur?! For that matter, where am I?”

>A cone might work if she's close enough
>Let's see her dodge a CONE of extreme pain

“Right where I want you!” I sneer, casting Cone of Extreme Pain towards the smoke of illusions. “Hey, little miss speed demon! Try dodging this!”

“Ow! Aaargh! You - you rat! You’re a - ow!” She stumbles out of the fog, gasping and wincing. “Fight fair, you - ack, ergh…”

“That’s what fighting fair will get you!” I grin madly. “How’s honor feel, chump?”

“I’ll get you for this, you weasel!” She screams. “Ow! Argh!”

Ha ha! Now I’ve got her! Time to finish her off, and -

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/19(Thu)20:58 No. 773504 ID: a606da
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oh no

OH NO

Okay, okay, I dodged it. Barely. Whew.

“Hehehheh.” Lorakal hiccups. “Whoops.”

“Would you look at that, folks?!” The referee roars. “They’re all in it, now! We’ve got a real fight going, here! Who will be the winner? Who will take home the prize? Feast your eyes on the action! Don’t let a single moment pass you by!”

One hit from Lorakal, and I’ll be down for the count, and probably a lot longer besides!

I need to get this idiot out of my way. But how?

>>773504
Drop a potion in his face. If he turns into some horrible creature he can't hold his pick!

>>773507
Yup. Even if they turn into something with natural weapons, they still won't be nearly as skilled with them as with a pick (especially since bring drunk would make it harder to figure out a new body).

People were wondering if he was human, let's throw a baleful potion to remove the that thought once and for all

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/19(Thu)21:36 No. 773516 ID: a606da
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>Drop a potion in his face. If he turns into some horrible creature he can't hold his pick!
>Even if they turn into something with natural weapons, they still won't be nearly as skilled with them as with a pick (especially since bring drunk would make it harder to figure out a new body)
>People were wondering if he was human, let's throw a baleful potion to remove the that thought once and for all

Aha! Yes, of course! I reach into my robes and pull out a potion, ready to throw it, but…

“Hey, wuzzat?” Lorakal swipes with their pickaxe, hitting the potion. “Oopsh. Shorry.”

“No!” I howl as the potion splashes over both of us. “You fool! What have you done?!”

“Hey, I shaid I was sh-shorry.”

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/19(Thu)21:41 No. 773519 ID: a606da
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After the dizziness settles, I gasp in dismay when I discover that I’ve been dramatically reduced in stature! I must have been turned into some sort of forest brownie, or something of that ilk. How am I supposed to fight like this?!

I turn to look up at Lorakal. They appear a little lankier, and somewhat more uncertain about their movements, but I can’t even tell for sure if they’ve changed! I can only hope that whatever they are now is a little weaker than what they were before.

“Sanctified songbirds, what’s happened?!” The referee continues speaking rapidly, hardly stopping to pause. “There’s been a change! A proper mystical transformation! Magic, folks, that’s magic! It’s all gone wild now, wild! This is anyone’s game, folks!”

What a mess. At least I’ve still got arms, and I think I’ve got legs, so it could be worse. I’ve got all my weaponry and spells, too. And... claws? Huh.

I can't afford to let this transformation distract me! I need to figure out my next step before it’s too late!

I would suggest punching, but I am not sure if they are incapacitated enough seeing as how they still have hands. Nausea arrow.

Perfect, you're just tall enough to go for his knees with your paralyzing armwraps. Make him lose balance/control and fall over!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/19(Thu)22:33 No. 773523 ID: a606da
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>Nausea arrow.

Done. It’s a direct hit!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/19(Thu)22:34 No. 773524 ID: a606da
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“BLLEAaraRGarghhh!” Lorakal falls to their knees and vomits uncontrollably all over the arena floor. “UuuUUurrghghhhh…”

“Ooof, that’s a nasty bit of business!” The referee gags. “Gore is one thing, but you can turn away if you want to, folks! Or not! We cater to all types! No judgments here, just raucous fights and down-and-out brawls!”

>Perfect, you're just tall enough to go for his knees with your paralyzing armwraps.

Yes! Now’s my chance!

I start to run towards Lorakal - only to trip over my oversized robes and fall. Blast it! My own clothes are turning against me!

I hear Polatia screaming nearby. That reminds me: I haven’t been keeping track of my spells, so I’m not exactly sure how much longer their effects will last. If my enchantments on Lorakal and Polatia wear off too soon, I could have a serious problem on my hands!

I need to press my advantage while I still have it. But how?

Alright, so you can barely move in this form and need to take advantage of the resources you've used so you don't end up in a deficit.

Your form could be worse but you aren't going to win anytime soon from this position. Throw down the last potion to splash on all three of you!

Throw a dagger at polatia she might not be in condition to dodge this time.

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/19(Thu)23:32 No. 773529 ID: a606da
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>Your form could be worse but you aren’t going to win anytime soon from this position. Throw down the last potion to splash on all three of you!

Sure, why not? Here goes nothing!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/19(Thu)23:32 No. 773530 ID: a606da
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As soon as I come to my senses, I immediately stand up and inspect myself.

Huh. Looks like I’m some dryad cousin - maybe a root nymph?

Well, plant girl or no, this is better than whatever I was before. I can work with this!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/19(Thu)23:34 No. 773531 ID: a606da
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>Throw a dagger at polatia she might not be in condition to dodge this time.

Can do!

I hurl the dagger at Polatia. It catches her in one of her legs. She stumbles, but, amazingly, manages to stay upright.

She’s a spider, eh? Heh. “That’s a good look for you, speedy! Very cute!”

She hisses and clicks angrily. She scuttles over to her rapier and picks it up in her mandibles, desperately trying to keep her balance while being both drunk and transformed.

Somehow, she manages it. She rounds on me, wobbling slightly, but with her weapon steady. Can she actually still fight with all the stuff I’ve done to her? Whoa. I’m impressed, although I’m not about to go saying it out loud.

That said, I’ve got the humanoid advantage. How should I take her down?

We have the humanoid advantage and the sooner we act the stronger that will be; we should give her no time to get used to her new invertebrate body form.

Run at her, weaving enough to throw her off of any drunken swings she tries to take, and stab the top of her body with one of your daggers. Aim for the middle to puncture straight into her heart.

If you have any more caltrops I say use those now to slow her down even more. Also check on shorty to make sure he didn't turn into a dragon or something seeing as the guy is right next to you.

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/20(Fri)01:24 No. 773543 ID: a606da
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>If you have any more caltrops I say use those now to slow her down even more.

I toss them down in front of me and wait.

She waits, too. Argh, it looks like she’s not going to attack first! She’s playing smart, taking the time to adapt to her new body.

> we should give her no time to get used to her new invertebrate body form. Run at her, weaving enough to throw her off of any drunken swings she tries to take, and stab the top of her body with one of your daggers. Aim for the middle to puncture straight into her heart.

Alright, then! I close the distance quickly, lunging forward with my penultimate dagger, but she parries with one of her forelegs, pushing my arm aside. She slowly raises her rapier, giving me four pairs of dirty looks as she does so.

This isn’t going very well. She’s getting more dextrous by the minute!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/20(Fri)01:25 No. 773544 ID: a606da
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>Also check on shorty to make sure he didn't turn into a dragon or something seeing as the guy is right next to you.

Eesh, I don’t even know what’s going on with Lorakal. Spaghetti limbs all over, with what looks like a jelly skeleton.

I should probably focus on my fight with the fencing spider, though. I have a feeling this could end with me impaled and/or eaten, depending on how well Polatia takes to her new form.

I need to figure out a way to get the upper hand, and quickly, too!

Just punch the bitch, if that fails hit her with an arrow or the cone of pain to slow her down again then punch her. Cause once she's paralyzed you've got this.

smoke and then punch

If I had been here before she was a spider I would have recommended batting the rapier to the side, then grabbing her arm or the hilt. Rapiers are awesome at their range, but get inside their guard and they lose to a close blade. Your best bet might be to move in, bat(up or down, you can circle the momentum around the sides easily if you can see it coming or have good reflexes) or grab/control the blade loosely. Rapiers are made to stab, not to cut; even padding is enough to not really get cut. Move in, then smack to the eyes/face. One she's stunned, give her blade back to her.(through the chest)

kick her inna spider clit

(Also as a clarification, when I say cut I mean constant pressure by the blade against a surface; not a chop or a slash. Rapiers can do those, but not as well as most normal swords. If you wanted thin mobile slashing blade, go for a sabre)

>>773586
Yeah, get inside her guard, it shouldn't be too hard given that mandibles are pretty poor at holding on to things and leverage is on your side.

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/20(Fri)13:03 No. 773598 ID: a606da
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>smoke

Right!

I cast Corricot’s Smoke of Illusions. I giggle at the slightly obscured sight of a confused spider stumbling over her own legs.

>bat or grab/control the blade loosely.

I reach out to push her rapier aside, but I yank my hand away when my fingers start to shrivel. Ugh, I hate enchanted weapons!

>get inside her guard
>and then punch
>Just punch

Works for me.

I circle around Polatia and quickly hit every part of her I can see through the smoke. She falls to the floor, straining - and failing - to stand.

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/20(Fri)13:04 No. 773599 ID: a606da
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With a laugh, I grip my dagger, raising it to deliver the killing strike.

Then, out of nowhere, a whip cracks, and my wrist is wrenched aside!

Ow! What the…?

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/20(Fri)13:05 No. 773600 ID: a606da
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“What’s this, folks? Do we have a new challenger? No, here we have the prize! Elkettio is the only one still able to stand, so they are the only competitor still in the running - meaning that they now have a chance at true glory! But can they beat the decade-running champion of the ring? Where is this champion? Heh heh… Closer than you might think!”

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/20(Fri)13:07 No. 773601 ID: a606da
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“That’s right! Your humble referee is none other than the Official Greatest Warrior of All Time, Fouler von Blaghard! Ha ha! So, can Elkettio’s cheesy gimmicks match up to the creator and utilizer of every dirty trick in the book?! Yes, that’s right, folks, now the real match begins! Who will win? Me, of course, but don’t take my word for it! Watch and see!”

…Crap.

I’m almost out of weapons, and he’s just getting started! What do I do?

>Caltrop the ref so he can't call you on fouls! He's got his own quarter, so he's got to be a secret contender!

Yes, yes, fine! You were right all along.

I toss a fine spread of caltrops over the arena floor between me and Fouler. That might buy me a little time, but it won’t bring me to victory.

What’s my next move?

First, insult his facial hair!

Second, Floran isss as Floran doesss! Floran SSSTAB!

Well, he wants to pull you closer and you're a "root nymph". Put down roots to prevent him from doing that.

Stay out of reach of his whip. Once he advances towards you, cast Cone of Pain quickly followed by Arrow of Nausea, preferably while he's over the caltrops, then close in and fist him. Alternatively, if putting down roots is something you can do, then do it and pull him by his whip onto the caltrops and then blast and fist him.

>Well, he wants to pull you closer and you're a "root nymph". Put down roots to prevent him from doing that.
That's a great idea, actually. Then you can yank on the whip, and you won't go anywhere, but he'll be yanked forward onto the caltrops.

well alright, we still have one dagger, one use of cone of pain and nausea arrow, and we still have our paralyzing punches. Well unless that one potion you throw at the beginning is still intact I'd suggest trying to make it seem like you're trying to stay away from him to bring him in closer and then when he's closer hit him with a cone of pain when he's least likely to dodge it. If the potion still is intact then use your caltrops to slow him down as you go for it as that might be able to put this fight back into your favor.

>>773601
okay you know how long you're transformed like this, so you know how long the other are too!
let him/ get him to grandstand while you back up and run down the time, then fling the miner just before you all switch back.

Lorakal's squidlimb flailing should become deadly when back in his regular body, so it'll either score a wound or prove to be a great distraction.

So he fights with that whip, eh? Two can play this game.

1, 2 and... Poof! ELKETTIO forgot SMOKE OF ILLUSIONS and... ELKETTIO learned VINE WHIP!

>>773601
"You realize whips are like, the worst weapon right? it'll sting and cut if you're lucky but then it'll wrap around something and you'll just be disarmed."
wait a beat
"Also, I laced it with spiders before the match."

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/20(Fri)17:47 No. 773683 ID: a606da
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>okay you know how long you're transformed like this, so you know how long the other are too!

What kind of hedge wizard do you take me for? My potions are permanent. After all, what good is temporary humiliation when I can make it last forever?! Ha ha ha!

Sure, getting myself transformed wasn’t something I’d planned on, but I can fix that later. The enormous fortune I’ll get upon my victory will be more than enough to pay for a cure!

>First, insult his facial hair!

“Hey, Fouler, did you get that name for your beard? It’s like a torn-up rug with a thick layer of dusty rot!”

“Ooh, Elkettio’s bringing the heat today, folks! But is our hero perturbed? Hardly!”

>Well, he wants to pull you closer and you're a "root nymph". Put down roots to prevent him from doing that.

Aha! Perhaps this body can be put to good use. Let’s see, what muscles do the root thing? Is it gradual, or…? Oh, oh, there we go! Oog, this sensation is… odd, but my roots seem to be nice and snugly burrowed into the ground, now. I can even feel the dirt’s nutrients flowing into me! Weird.

>pull him by his whip
>yank on the whip

“You realize whips are, like, the worst weapons, right? They’ll sting and cut if you're lucky, but then they’ll wrap around something and you'll just be disarmed.” I yank on the whip, pulling it out of his hands. “Like so! What now, Fouler?”

“Well, folks, it looks like Elkettio’s one step ahead of me!” Fouler sighs. “But wait! What’s that?”

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/20(Fri)17:48 No. 773684 ID: a606da
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…Uh oh.

“Why, it looks like Elkettio’s made a grave miscalculation! Can they possibly find a way out of this explosive situation?! Watch for yourselves, folks, and let’s find out!”

>>773684
literally just punch it back at him
punching solves everything

Wow, that's a long fuse for something you throw. Just snuff it out. Punching it away probably detonates it or something.

Um, hello. Knife. Cut fuse. Throw bomb down hole.

>Sure, getting myself transformed wasn’t something I’d planned on, but I can fix that later. The enormous fortune I’ll get upon my victory will be more than enough to pay for a cure!
Does it matter? I mean you're still humanoid enough to wear your clothes and wield your tools and equipment. Plus now you can photosynthesize!

>>773684
There's still like, inches of fuse left. Just grab it and put it out. Your bracers of immobilization should smother and/or freeze the flame in motion.

Free bomb!

Play hot potato - except bombs.

Agreeing with the others to put out the bomb.

Make sure you keep his microphone, though. It's going to be very useful soon.

Wait, that bomb is strapped to the microphone is connected to the speaker system that has been booming over your ears

Defuse the bomb, bury the bomb AND the microphone using the ground that Lorakal sundered, re-light the bomb, and COVER YOUR EARS!

it's still attached to the whip right? just spin the wipe around so the bomb is away from you and try to wipe the ref and get the bomb tied around him.

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/20(Fri)19:52 No. 773715 ID: a606da
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>Just snuff it out.
>Just grab it and put it out.

I try to snuff it out with my twiglike fingers, but then they start to crackle and burn! Oh, damn, I forgot: I’m a plant now! I hastily bat the flame off my fingers.

Luckily, my hand hadn’t fully caught fire yet, so I manage to avoid any serious damage. Whew! That was a close call.

>Um, hello. Knife. Cut fuse.

Right! I grip the bomb and get to work on cutting its fuse.

Careful... careful...

There, got it! Just in the nick of time, too.

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/20(Fri)19:53 No. 773717 ID: a606da
File 148497081312.png - (38.28KB , 800x800 , hco28.png )

“Well, well! It looks like Elkettio’s quick on the uptake! Say, folks, what do you say we see exactly how quick this little Painomancer is?” Fouler pauses, grinning smugly. The audience roars with applause. “Aaaaaaand the crowd goes wild.”

With that, Fouler lights three bombs with one smooth motion of his magiphone. Wait, where’d he get another magiphone…? Oh, never mind, that’s not important right now! If Fouler throws too many bombs at once, then there’s no way I’ll be able to defuse them all in time, and I can’t dodge while I’m rooted to the ground!

Crap, it looks as though he’s just about to start tossing them, too! What do I do?!

cone of pain or nausea arrow. Whatever one is more likely to make him freeze up and drop all the bombs at his feet.

Reignite significantly shorter fuse and throw it back.

Cone of Pain in conjunction with Arrow of Nausea. Hopefully he blows himself up.

You still have one of his magiphones. This is perfect.

Quick, turn to face him directly and cast CONE OF EXTREME PAIN amplified through the magiphone!

>>773717
Explosive fratricide.

Relight your bomb with your stolen magiphone, and throw it back. It will go off mid-flight, and blow up the other bombs before they reach you. Hopefully when they're still close to the other guy, so he gets multibombed.

>>773717
Dig down?

Wait, how are you burning that easily? You should still be like 70% water, it's not like you're made entirely of dry deadwood. ...right? Be sure to check yourself for termites soon.

Show this douchebag how you're supposed to use a whip! Send out various vine whips to bind him to the bombs, then detach. The extra plant matter will burn him.

Then throw the extra bomb for good measure, and start attacking the audience to drain energy from them.

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/25(Wed)12:00 No. 774649 ID: a606da
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>Reignite significantly shorter fuse and throw it back.
>Relight your bomb with your stolen magiphone, and throw it back.

I light the bomb and throw it.

Fouler grabs it out of the air and snuffs out the fuse, just in time! Rrrgh. His reflexes are irritatingly flawless.

>Arrow of Nausea

I try to cast Arrow of Nausea, but I’ve already used up both of my prepared castings for that spell. Curses!

“Ha ha, what’s this, folks?! Maybe Elkettio should have spent less time in the ring, and more time studying magic! They can’t spellcast their way out of a paper bag! And without magic… how can they possibly handle this?” Fouler tosses the bombs!

>VINE WHIP!
>Send out various vine whips

It’s worth a shot. I reach out with my arms, focusing on growing. At first, nothing seems to happen, but then my fingertips explode outwards into long thorny vines!

Struggling to adapt to my new appendages, I nonetheless am able to catch all of the bombs, if only just barely.

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/25(Wed)12:01 No. 774650 ID: a606da
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I wait until the fuses get low, and then I toss the explosives right back at Fouler! Ha ha, yes! Not even he can deal with this in time!

The bombs explode with a BOOM, leaving only a cloud of dust. Have I got him? Yes… Yes! A direct hit!

No, wait, what’s that? There’s something still moving in the blast crater!

“A-ahem, folks…” Fouler clears his throat, walking out of the dust cloud practically unscathed. “Elkettio’s made a rookie mistake. They’ve managed to annoy the great and powerful Fouler von Blaghard, whose sportsmanship is now expended.” He raises his magiphone, and a nasty-looking blade extends from it! “No more playing around. This ends here!”

No, no, no! Those bombs hardly even slowed him down. He’s not just fast, he’s borderline indestructible. This is unbelievable!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/25(Wed)12:02 No. 774651 ID: a606da
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>You still have one of his magiphones. This is perfect. Quick, turn to face him directly and cast CONE OF EXTREME PAIN amplified through the magiphone!

What? That’s ridiculous! As if I could simply… wait. Wait, maybe if I…?

Yes, yes, it might just work! Still, I’m only going to get one shot at this; The spell will almost certainly short out the magiphone.

I haven’t got any other options. This is my last chance!

I cast Cone of Extreme Pain into the magiphone, trying to keep it as far away from me as I can. If this goes bad, it goes bad.

Casting… casting… casted!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/25(Wed)12:04 No. 774652 ID: a606da
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Instantly, the entire arena explodes with screams.

At first I’m confused, but then I understand: The magiphone expanded my spell’s range to include every single other person in the room! Audience members, Polatia, Lorakal… They’re all writhing and howling with pain!

I smirk as I stroll over to Fouler. He fights to stand, fails, and falls to the ground. He tries to crawl away from me, but I’m faster. I step on his back, shoving him down.

“Hah. Look at me, all of you! Ha ha ha!” I burst into a fit of glorious laughter, unrestrained glee seeping into my every word. “Look at ‘this little Painomancer’ and try to deny the awe which I have earned! Suffer, you fools, and feel the pain which only Elkettio can produce! Let this agony tear you to pieces, and know that it bears my name! HA HA HA! I AM ELKETTIO! RECOIL, MORTALS, AND SHOWER ME WITH THE RESPECT I AM DUE! I AM TORTURE, I AM TORMENT, AND I AM VICTORIOUS!”

The only response is more screaming. Ahhhh, it’s sweet music to my ears.

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/25(Wed)12:05 No. 774653 ID: a606da
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“W-wait!” Fouler coughs, barely able to lift his magiphone. “The - ow, oof! - the battle’s not over yet! A new challenger has - ouch! - entered the arena, just in time to dodge Elkettio’s blast of cruel magickry!”

I spin around, looking for my new opponent. I finally spot a tall girl in overalls, standing awkwardly near one of the arena doors.

“Ah… heh, um…” The girl blushes, embarrassed. “Sorry, I’m not sure what’s going on here. I thought this was the bathroom. Hold on, this isn’t the ladies room, right? I mean, it might be? No, no, that’s silly…”

“It’s too late, now!” Fouler announces. “Once you - argh! - stand in the grand arena, you take on the mantle of the gladiator! So, folks, who will take home the ultimate prize? The monstrous Elkettio, or this mysterious challenger?! Watch, and - rrgh - find out!”

Hmph. Even with as little weaponry as I now have, I can obviously defeat this girl. She’s clearly nothing more than a moronic rube. It’s just her bad luck that she’s happened to become the last obstacle standing between me and my fortune.

Heh. So, how should I take her down?

>>774653
ooooh no, do not try to fight her. just tell her where the bathroom is. she is clearly a 'hero' and heroes only work properly when fighting evil. if you attack first that makes you evil and she will become super powerful.

That hard hat's gonna make a nice bowl for her brains!

Wrap your vines around her temples and grow the thorns inward.

well punch the crap out of fouler to paralyze him so he's out once and for all. Then grab his sword walk towards the girl then grab her with vine whip to tie her up and finish her off with a punch.

Oh and since you still have caltrops probably throw those around her feet to keep her from running away.

Oh crap, this is Fouler's big trump card! He put his bumbling daughter in the ring, and she's even better than him (mostly from all the expensive training and gene mods Fouler pumped into her with his extensive fortune) and will kick your ass!

Construct a giant toilet for her to fall into. Then begin the lesbian sex. Because when it comes to Idiom's quests lesbian sex is effectively the punchline.

>>774653
kill that arrogance right now, remember a farmer has mad bonuses against plants also that her innocence might be a trick but mostly that she's currently the scissors to your paper

start shamelessly swiping Fouler's gear and using it on her, hell, use those vines to introduce her to everything you just used and or bested, put on a show!

>>774653
Just kill Fouler so he stops using ref powers to try and force you into doing things.

Then just wait until her bladder forces your challenger to flee the area and forfeit.

...or you know, instead of any of that, just sweep her off her feet with a kiss and paralyzing pollen. Plant girls get that, right?

Don't fight her, you're too clever to fall for this. Fouler clearly wants you to, so it's likely she's not as she seems. Maybe he had someone cast some type of magic on her or something. You have no reason to fight her, just tell her where the bathroom is, or if you don't know, just tell her that she needs to leave or else she'll mess up the tournament.

Punch the ref and kindly tell the girl to just sit on the ground for a second so you can be declared the victor of this fight and she won't need to get hurt and then she will be able to go to the bathroom afterwards. no need to fight if what she says is true.

Strangle.... No.... Get all Japanese With the ref and your vines.

Idiot peasant or not, Fowler just wants you to take your attention off him. Immediately make sure to grab his head with your paralyzing armbands and keep hold of it.

>The winner is the last one standing in the arena!
If she is no longer in the arena, she is no longer competition. (Even if he tries to claim the whole building as the arena despite his statement of her just entering the arena, when the finds the bathroom she is going to sit down there.) The option to just tell her where the bathroom is means you can be rid of her without having to let Fowler get a chance to recover. (If you don't know where the bathroom is, you can just make something up. Evil!)

Kill Fouler already and tell her you'll show her the bathroom if she sits down until you're done taking care of business. Voila, last one standing.

>>774701
well actually we don't even need to kill fouler to win, he's already on the ground we just need to keep him paralyzed and convince her to sit down possibly by directing her to the toilets.

>>774653
Oh shit it's the Chosen one! Quick, throw Blaghard at her! He's going to cheat like a bitch and try to kill you even if she's harmless, though, so maybe just cast Arrow of Nausea at her.

>>774704
Wait yeah, actually, just tell her to sit down and you'll tell her where the toilets are.

Finish off Fouler, calmly retrieve your knives from other defeated combatants, give the newcomer a paralytic nose-boop.

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/29(Sun)16:39 No. 775539 ID: a606da
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>Don't fight her, you're too clever to fall for this. Fouler clearly wants you to, so it's likely she's not as she seems.
>Fowler just wants you to take your attention off him.
>Strangle.... No.... Get all Japanese with the ref and your vines.

“Alright, Fouler.” I lean down, strangling Fouler’s throat with several of my thorny vines while directing the others… downwards. “I know this is another one of your tricks, and I’m not falling for it. What’s this girl’s deal? Tell me her weaknesses, abilities, everything you know, now!”

“Gkkkkhhh!!” He gurgles and chokes, face turning red. “Ffhholksh, I… I don’t knuhoww anythingg about our muh-mysterious new challenger! I swuh-swear on all my years in the arena, I don’t know herrrh!”

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/29(Sun)16:40 No. 775541 ID: a606da
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>Just kill Fouler
>Kill Fouler already

“Then you’re useless to me.” I pull the vines even more tightly around his neck, slowly crushing his windpipe. “Your show’s over, Fouler! Ha ha ha!”

Just as it looks like he’s about to succumb, he suddenly falls to the ground, panting but alive.

What?! My vines… they’ve been cut! But.. how? When? I didn’t even see anything touch them!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/29(Sun)16:42 No. 775544 ID: a606da
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“Sorry, miss plant lady.” Now much closer, the peasant girl sheepishly bows her head in apology. “I didn’t want to cut your li'l vines, but I think they were weeds. I mean, they were hurting that poor man!”

“I wanted to hurt that ‘poor man’.” I scowl. “Next time, don’t get in the way.”

“Gosh! For a flower girl, you sure are mean.”

“Aren’t I just?”

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/29(Sun)16:43 No. 775545 ID: a606da
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“Why would a root nymph be so grumpy?” The peasant furrows her brow, thinking. Then she gasps in realization! “Oh, duh! I should have noticed sooner!”

Immediately, she swivels around, grips her hoe with both hands, takes a deep breath, and starts flailing madly.

Poison and pox, but she’s fast! Her arms and tool are practically an imperceptible blur! I have absolutely no idea what she’s doing, but it can’t possibly be good.

>just tell her where the bathroom is
>just tell her to sit down and you'll tell her where the toilets are.

I don’t actually know where the bathrooms are in this place. Still, I only need to get her out of the ring, so a lie is just as good as the truth.

“Listen…” I somehow make my voice even more smooth and charming. “If you’re looking for the bathroom - “

“Shhh!” She spits. “Working!”

“But if you’d only listen - !”

“I can’t get sidetracked!”

“Argh, would you please just stop and - ?!”

“Nuh-uh! I’m busy! Busy busy!”

Ugh. This is going nowhere.

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/29(Sun)16:44 No. 775546 ID: a606da
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>give the newcomer a paralytic nose-boop
>sweep her off her feet with a kiss and paralyzing pollen.
>use those vines to introduce her to everything you just used and or bested, put on a show!

Yes, of course! Why am I bothering with this nonsense? I’ll paralyze her, quick and easy, and then I’ll put on a show for my victim arena!

Oooh, just wait until my already agonizing audience gets a load of what I have in store. They think they know pain now? Ha ha! Nobody will leave this arena without a few new traumas to keep them up at night! Not if I have any say, at least, and I do!

But first, I need to take care of this last little problem. Luckily, she’s distracted. I have all the time in the world.

I sneak up behind her. Then, when I’m close enough to reach out and touch her, I lunge forward!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/29(Sun)16:45 No. 775547 ID: a606da
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“All done!” She announces brightly, inadvertently dodging me as she steps off to the side. “Oh, good, you’re one step ahead of me. You don’t waste time, huh?”

I try to catch myself, but it’s too late. I fall forward into a large, grave-like hole in the ground. I scramble to my feet, but before I can even begin to climb out of the hole, that impossibly frustrating peasant has started filling the dirt back in!

I grab at the sides, but my bottom half is already buried solidly. To move that much dirt, that fast… what is she?! There’s no way she’s human!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/29(Sun)16:46 No. 775549 ID: a606da
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By the time I think to speak, my mouth has been filled with earth.

I’ve been buried alive!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/29(Sun)16:46 No. 775550 ID: a606da
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“There you go!” The monstrous farmer sits down next to me, smiling insufferably. “I don’t know who pulled you up out of the ground like that, but I’m glad I was at least able to put you back in your natural habitat!”

“Mmmph!”

“Oh, no need to thank me.” She laughs in an infuriatingly bubbly way. “I’m just glad I was able to help. You don’t have to apologize for acting all grumpy, either. I bet you were feeling pretty awful, being forced to stumble around on your roots and act all human like that. Don’t worry, now that you’re down in the dirt like all the other root nymphs, you’ll be pollinated in no time at all!”

“MMMMPH?!”

“That’s right, soon you’ll be a mom!” She nods excitedly. “Gosh, I’m so happy for you!”

This is torture!

I need to get out of this hole, fast!

...for fuck sakes!

(sigh) take a deep breath and... I don't know... grow or something? I mean you're part plant now I guess, maybe you can grow bigger and get back into this fight? What do you know about root nymphs anyways? Might help us adapt our fighting style to better suit your new biology.

>>775550
oh great she's a lucky ditz on top of being farmer.
okay this might be to your advantage if you're fast, try to see if you can move through the earth with your roots (may have to give up being in a humanoid shape briefly) to get away, if she loses sight of you the girl will probably lose interest anyway.

Can... can you just ask her to lie down and cede the battle? Her entering the ring is pretty much the only thing keeping the fight going at this point. Once it's over you could care less about hurting (most of) these people.

I mean, if she's dumb enough to do it...

Look, you're a plant, she's a farmer. Obviously you have an elemental disadvantage here. Just be nice to her so she stops trying to do things to you and you'll be fine.

Use plant powers to grow back out of the hole, appologize, thank her, and then offer to shake her hand, no hard feelings.

Then she'll be paralyzed by your Armbands of Woeful Immobilization. (And you can apologize again and say that was by accident so she doesn't curbstop you again).

...but really, even if you're not grumpy anymore, you're not ready to be a Mom, okay?

Drain every last bit of nutriment from the soil around you. Outgrow your dirt prison!

Once you're out, don't play around. Give her a straight, no-nonsense talking to about assuming she knows what's best for a dryad. Her assistance is uninvited and unwelcome! Coming into this bathroom and starting to lecture someone else on personal hygeine, it's just unbelievable! And burying a dryad somewhere you believe to be a bathroom - DO I have to spell out to you how ludicrously obscene that is? I have a right to choose where my fertilizer comes from, thank you, and I must say I am appalled by your taste! I'm reporting you to the farmers' guild missy, you're never gonna harvest in this town again. Not after you reap what you've sowed today, ohh no!

By the time your rant is finished, you'll have blocked off all exits with a thorny briar patch and taken her tool of vegetoid oppression (the scythe) away from her. She won't notice, though, because you stuck your trusty knife in her back.

Ah, so that's her deal, extreme luck is a power we have no interest in fucking with. Pull your head back to give your mouth room to speak. Explain that there's been a horrible mistake, you are not really a plant girl, you were just turned into one and you were planning on getting yourself turned back. If she'd help you out of this dirt you'd greatly appreciate it. Stop trying to harm her, it won't work, it might be shameful, but you did say that you'd do anything necessary to win didn't you?

If it comes up; tell her that Fouler is a horrible man and he was trying to kill you.

Just wiggle out enough so you are able to talk, then ask her to sit down and have a chat with you, remember to be nice. I honestly don't want to hurt her she seems so sweet and innocent, the perfect contrast to your insane sadism, you two are perfect for each other.

>>775557
Yeah this.

spit dirt out of mouth. claim you are too young to be a mom yet. if she tries to ask "well then why do you have a flower?" counter with "well when was your first period?". just because you CAN doesn't mean it's a good idea.

Having been buried alive, you're obviously no longer able to stand, and have thus lost the contest. Settle down and raise a family.

>>775633
Yeah, this. Plus she's cute, we can take a break from painomancy to indulge in a cute person

Oh damn, she really is the chosen one. We cant hurt her. Only loony-tunes esc things will happen if we try.

Just calmly lift out of the soil using our roots as anchors and explain that an arena meant for violent combat is not an optimal place to be planted. Also note that you were participating in said combat, and have now been inturrupted, though you thank her for her concern.

No use struggling. Wait for someone to arrive for pollination.