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Shining Bee
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>>1104791
> About the fear of loss
(un)Funnily, I had the (dis)pleasure of losing three people in my family, including my father, in rapid succession in less than a year (It was last year in fact).
But to anyone's surprise, me included since I never actually lost anyone I cared about before that, and I had no idea how I'd react if actually happened, I ended up being the least affected person by that.
Maybe it's just a dam that's threatening to break down on the first occasion or maybe I'm just that resilient to emotional damage, but I just tell myself that if I was in their place, and I was the one to lose my life, I wouldn't want any of them to be unhappy, and I wouldn't want them to stop living the way they do or be affected by my loss, so I tell myself, maybe, just maybe, my family wouldn't want me to suffer either, so I just keep on going as I always did, forward, not only for myself but also so I can support the other members of my family who may be inclined to have a more emotional responses to it happening (it they did, my mother especially needed me to take care of a lot of things that she basically wasn't prepared for and should never be pushed on someone who mourns that fast, but it is what it is), all of this because I realized that while I am still alive, and they're still alive, it is probably more important that I am there for them because there's still actual people around me who do need my support and getting stuck in my thoughts won't do them any good.
Also, my relationship with life and death has been something I've been internalizing for so long that I've come to embrace it as death being just another part of life, and while people will come and go, their memories I cherish and the moment I spent with them are now engraved for all eternity in the fabric of time, and myself, until I pass, and the other people around me will also do the same.
All in all, I think what is important the moment we pass, and we can have with people, and that's why I focus so much more in the happiness I can get rather than the sadness I could feel.
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