MIDNASTER 2024/09/01(Sun)02:11 No. 1096750 ID: 4591f8
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How fun! You've heard so many good things from being in a quest! How lucky you are that you are real and in this story!

Because if you're not in a story, you don't exist. And that would be terrible...

You don't know what NSFW stands for (you've never had work) but you're sure it's exciting!*

You know what every quest needs? An objective.

* NOT SAFE FROM WOLVES

MIDNASTER 2024/09/01(Sun)02:11 No. 1096751 ID: 4591f8
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Hmmm. Before you can start your quest, you should figure out how to escape this hawk's nest.

MIDNASTER 2024/09/01(Sun)02:16 No. 1096752 ID: 4591f8
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These eggs are... about to hatch. The impression is that the hawk left you as a little snack for the babies.

They might kill you.

And you can't do a quest if you're dead. Which is terrible.

>>1096751
Simply reset and reroll
Ask an ai for 200 random places, then roll 1D200 to find out where you start.

[1/5] MIDNASTER 2024/09/01(Sun)02:41 No. 1096754 ID: 4591f8
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> Reset and reroll
>>1096753

Of course! Just be somewhere else! It's been so obvious.

You wish REALLY hard that you were somewhere else.

You wish with all your heart that you are somewhere. Anywhere but here.

[2/5] MIDNASTER 2024/09/01(Sun)02:41 No. 1096755 ID: 4591f8
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You imagine yourself in...

An active volcano???

[3/4] MIDNASTER 2024/09/01(Sun)02:41 No. 1096756 ID: 4591f8
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*FOOOOOOM*

[4/5] MIDNASTER 2024/09/01(Sun)02:43 No. 1096757 ID: 4591f8
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Thank goodness that was naught but an anxious thought.

On the upside, you do appreciate being in a hawk's nest with carnivorous babies, as opposed to being on the precipice of an erupting volcano.

Your... eyes were leaking during this experience. Something that is expressly a defense mechanism and NOT a show of vulnerability and/or stress.

[5/5] MIDNASTER 2024/09/01(Sun)02:43 No. 1096758 ID: 4591f8
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That does bring to attention that you have been cry-- leaking... no... activating? um... you've been leaving a trail while the hawk carried you.

This serves as a convenient line of breadcrumbs home.

Then, once you get there, you might finally be able to start your quest.

Activating? Have you remembered to activate your almonds?

Follow the blue railroad to arrive at the next update!

check for leaks

climbing down would probably be your first step

Did the hawk line its nest with any feathers? Quickly fashion yourself a hang glider or Icarus Cape or some such, steal the bird's flight and fly to freedom!

Roll the babies out of the nest so you have room to stretch your legs.

Do you have any noteworthy skills?

Are there any branches you can reach to climb down?

You just need to show the hawks that you would make a better nest mate than a meal. Clean up and get rid of bugs. Try to lure in a snake you can then protect the eggs from.

Just grab the trunk of the tree and slide down, easy-peasy.

[1/5] MIDNASTER 2024/09/01(Sun)19:24 No. 1096801 ID: 4591f8
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> Roll the babies out of the nest
>>1096764

The eggs are too heavy to push around. Try as you might, these babies simply aren't moving.

[2/5] MIDNASTER 2024/09/01(Sun)19:24 No. 1096802 ID: 4591f8
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> Show the hawks that you would make a better nest mate than a meal.
>>1096780

Well, plan B is to keep things nice and tidy so that the hawk may spare your life and raise you, kind of like a common cuckoo.

You pick up a feather and dust off some of the eggs, planting a delicate apologetic smooch on the egg you tried to push to doom.

> Do you have any noteworthy skills?
>>1096771

Um... Not... really...

That's sort of the reason why you want to start a quest. What a better way to see what you are made of than puzzling a perplexing prison? Or escaping a haunted hotel? Or hunting ghosts? Or traveling through space? The list goes on!...

...

[3/5] MIDNASTER 2024/09/01(Sun)19:25 No. 1096803 ID: 4591f8
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...But you can't do any of that until you get down from this nest.

> Follow the blue railroad to arrive at the next update!
>>1096759
> climbing down would probably be your first step
>>1096759
> Are there any branches you can reach to climb down?
>>1096776
> Just grab the trunk of the tree and slide down, easy-peasy.
>>1096783

Woof... It did not cross your mind until now how high up you are. It's a good thing you didn't just hop off the nest willy-nilly and plunge to misfortune.

The first thing that comes to your mind is flapping these feathers like wings, but then you had the idea of climbing down carefully, which does sound like a much safer idea. After all, you never learned to fly.

[5/5] MIDNASTER 2024/09/01(Sun)19:26 No. 1096806 ID: 4591f8
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You begin meticulously grabbing the nest's straw to climb down to a branch. Sticks thwack your face as you clumsily descend.

You hear something moving on the nest.

>>1096806
GO FASTER

Don't birds imprint on the first thing they see? This could be an opportunity to get your first quest companion.

>You hear something moving on the nest.

it sounds like creaking... OH CRAP THE TREE IS BREAKING, HURRY CLIMB DOWN BEFORE THE WHOLE TREE FALLS OVER.

Let's not bet on friendly chicks. If mama left us here as a snack, let's trust mama, and get out before we get et. Once you're clear of the nest, you shouldn't have to worry about newborns; keep your head and keep climbing down.

>>1096811
Like the egg idea. As for the protagonist's well-being, take the straw from the nest and create armor from it. If worse comes to worst and you do fall out of the tree at least you will be able to tank some of the fall damage.

Even if we befriended a baby eagle we couldn't leave with it. Baby chicks can't fly.

Hide under the nest.

Do we have anything in our INVENTORY that can help?

[1/6] MIDNASTER 2024/09/03(Tue)03:10 No. 1096861 ID: 4591f8
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> GO FASTER
>>1096808

YOU ARE FUCKING BOOKING IT. YOU ARE DESCENDING AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

The bark of the tree is too smooth to get a quick grip. You can't go any faster without slipping immediately.

Hasty steps approach your end of the nest.

[2/6] MIDNASTER 2024/09/03(Tue)03:11 No. 1096862 ID: 4591f8
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An eggshell impacts your face.

You slip immediately.

[3/6] MIDNASTER 2024/09/03(Tue)03:11 No. 1096863 ID: 4591f8
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> Do we have anything in our INVENTORY that can help?
>>1096840

[Inventory:]
[1 x Nothing]
[2 x Jack squat]

Other than that, you're still clasping onto the sticks that failed to hold you.

> Take the straw from the nest and create armor from it.
>>1096817

You're no scientist but you feel the time it takes to make armor is a lot longer than the time it takes to hit the ground.

[4/6] MIDNASTER 2024/09/03(Tue)03:11 No. 1096864 ID: 4591f8
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Thud.

[5/6] MIDNASTER 2024/09/03(Tue)03:11 No. 1096865 ID: 4591f8
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You wake up, groggily, to the smell of hot soup and a warm bed.

Had it all been a dream? Have you awoken to a new dawn, at home? Ready to begin a quest? That can't be. At home, you don't have a bed... OR hot soup...

[6/6] MIDNASTER 2024/09/03(Tue)03:11 No. 1096866 ID: 4591f8
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???: "You and your steed took quite the fall."

...Steed?

>>1096811
>Don't birds imprint on the first thing they see? This could be an opportunity to get your first quest companion.

Your downy bed appears to be a hatchling bird. You still can't say for sure whether it's friendly. You're not in its belly, which is good news.

???: "Clearly, a god saw that I made too much soup, and graced me with company."

Yum, soup. What kind of soup?

Congratulations, you're now a mother.

Also I guess you should thank the stranger for the help and ask who they are as well as introduce yourself.

Look at this little adorable guy who is cooking. Ask if he needs any help.

Pet bird! as in, pet it, not it's your pet (yet).

Thank pointy hat for helping out. Hopefully there is enough soup to satisfy a hatchling, or you'll have to do some hunting to avoid getting nibbled.

Bird: Eat gnome.

what kind of soup? and where are we!?

Not enough soup? That sounds like a quest! A quest for soup!

[1/2] MIDNASTER 2024/09/06(Fri)00:54 No. 1097026 ID: 4591f8
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You're still kind of disoriented but the kindness is appreciated.

Your host seems to be a bird? Maybe? His head is narrow, as if he was flattened by the sides. The hat gives off gnome vibes. His house seems to be carved out of a tree stump.

>>1096867
>Yum, soup. What kind of soup?
>>1096928
>what kind of soup? and where are we!?
>>1096948
>Not enough soup? That sounds like a quest! A quest for soup!
>>1096870
>Look at this little adorable guy who is cooking. Ask if he needs any help.

"Soup?" you ask.

???: "A mulligan, I think. I forgot what I put in it. Sometimes if something tastes nice, but you don't want to eat the whole thing, it's good to keep it around, and throw it in a pot later.
"Kind of like stories."

You can smell the meaty stew from upon your beddage, and you must admit it does not smell half bad. You also ask if you can help with the soup.

???: "I want some nice spices, but you would be eaten by a bug or stepped on by a hoofed animal probably."

You try to argue, but as you explain, it does come to your mind that you found yourself in this predicament by being carried into a hawk's nest.

???: "I didn't know that; I just thought you looked small."

Well that's just plain rude.

[2/2] MIDNASTER 2024/09/06(Fri)00:54 No. 1097027 ID: 4591f8
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???: "I want to try the soup as it is.
"If you don't trust me then I will drink it first.
"And if I die you can keep my corpse if you want"

Kill him. Free corpse!

Not sure why we wouldn’t trust his soup. I mean if he wanted to do something he has plenty of time to do between now and when you found you knocked out. Also wonder if the bird will like the soup since they’re probably hungry as well… or will be once they wake up.

Take his hat, we need to establish your dominance!

At least share introductions before you gamble with your life on the unknown soup. There could be wild mushrooms in there!

Flip a coin to decide who drinks first.

Drink the soup, there's no way we die four updates into a quest! We have plot armour

Both drink at the same time. It's a soup adventure!

rolled 3 = 3

---

soup roll

[1/2] MIDNASTER 2024/09/06(Fri)20:04 No. 1097081 ID: 4591f8
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> Not sure why we wouldn’t trust his soup.
>>1097029
> Drink the soup, there's no way we die four updates into a quest! We have plot armour
>>1097038
> Both drink at the same time. It's a soup adventure!
>>1097044

You offer to both drink the soup at the same time.

???: "It's too hot right now. You have to blow on it first."

> At least share introductions before you gamble with your life on the unknown soup. There could be wild mushrooms in there!
>>1097033

You ask your host who they are.

???: "I think I am a stock broker. Or maybe that was in another story? Am I a lawyer? I'm something. Or maybe I'm not."

You ask him, "Are you not sure?"

???: "No, I'm one-hundred percent certain that i might be a stock broker or a lawyer. Maybe."

What's up with the hat? Is he a gnome? You inquire.

???: "This hat keeps me tethered to this plane.
"I exist in every story--just past the margins. Even when I can't exist, I'm there. Beyond the margin of possibility.
"Surely you can only see me because you are not in a story. Your story hasn't begun yet."

That much is obvious. You haven't been able to start a quest since you got dropped into a hawk's nest. That being said, you would like to return home soon so that you can begin your quest...
After you finish your soup. The soup smells pretty good.
You ask what happens when he takes off the hat.

???: "Spacetime will tear, creating an implosion with the force of ten gigatons of trinitrotoluene."

You gasp. Really?

???: "I don't know. I haven't taken it off in recent memory."

He takes a sip first.

He seems to be taking it just fine, so you pull yourself by the bootstraps and brace.

[SOUP ROLL: 1d6 -> 3]

It's just okay.

[2/2] MIDNASTER 2024/09/06(Fri)20:04 No. 1097082 ID: 4591f8
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> Take his hat, we need to establish your dominance!
>>1097030

Brace for the repercussions of your actions.

MIDNASTER 2024/09/06(Fri)20:40 No. 1097098 ID: 4591f8
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???: "Can I please have my hat back?"

You give him his hat back.

...

You ask your host for his name.

???: "My name is Treachery. What's yours?"

ENTER NAME:

Spite.

Bowling Ball Head

Feather
...
maybe the hawk thing was some kind of devine irony. Oh and speaking of hawks, your child is awake it seems. Make sure they get some soup as well.

>>1097098
"Mom My but i have been called Little My as a nickname"
Moomin troll's for the win

Pigeon, Pidge for short
Since our adventure started in a hawk's nest, and we're built like a prey animal.

Pidgin

name is MIDNASTER

rolled 1 = 1

---

1. Spite
>>1097100
2. Feather
>>1097108
3,4. Pidgin/Pidge
>>1097131
>>1097132

MIDNASTER 2024/09/08(Sun)01:35 No. 1097157 ID: 4591f8
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Truth be told, you had been saving up your name slot for when you start a quest, but if you are going to interact with Treachery, not having a name is going to be increasingly problematic.

So, you introduce yourself.

Spite (You): "My name is Spite."

Treachery: "Oh, of course. You're Spite. I'd recognize that name anywhere."

Spite (You): "I... uh... came up with it just now. Do you know someone else named spite?"

Treachery: "No."

Then-
CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP
The baby hawk is hungry. Maybe we could give it a name sometime.

bird wants soup

Give bird soup first, and a name later.

>>1097157
its tradition to not name children before they are a year old in most cultures as its uncertain they will make it so SOUP FIRST even if you need to pour bowls into there mouth or spit it into there mouth like a mommy bird

Can you feed her some worms?

Pour soup in birb

Feed the bird before it eats us all!!

>>1097166
same person again i realized Spite is just Spit with a E? do we spit soup in mouth as birb cant sip

[1/5] MIDNASTER 2024/09/14(Sat)01:10 No. 1097379 ID: 4591f8
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> bird wants soup
>>1097163
> Give bird soup first, and a name later.
>>1097165
> SOUP FIRST even if you need to pour bowls into there mouth or spit it into there mouth like a mommy bird
>>1097166
> Pour soup in birb
>>1097171
> Feed the bird before it eats us all!!
>>1097180

The soup is technically immediately available but Treachery seems to be troubled by the notion of drinking it straight from the pot right now.

Treachery is helplessly attempting to explain to the newborn bird that the potted soup is too hot to drink, as the chick remains shaking the house with its bustling chirps.

The chick is just going to have to wait for it to cool down like everyone else, though. When that time comes a ladder may need to be involved.

Trophallaxis, i.e. mouth-to-mouth feeding, comes to mind with such a young bird, but your mouth is ambiguously small for that.

Amongst the noise, you remember that you still have a dream to chase.

[2/5] MIDNASTER 2024/09/14(Sat)01:10 No. 1097380 ID: 4591f8
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While that is happening, you take a peek outside.

[3/5] MIDNASTER 2024/09/14(Sat)01:10 No. 1097381 ID: 4591f8
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Oh. There's the spot where you and the egg landed. And your tears. -You mean your 'special activated ability.' It's just past the door.

Beyond your crater, you can see your trail, though a few sparkles may have faintly faded. You might want to get going if you want any sense of where your home is.

[4/5] MIDNASTER 2024/09/14(Sat)01:10 No. 1097382 ID: 4591f8
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Also, if all that stuff is all there, then that must mean...

[5/5] MIDNASTER 2024/09/14(Sat)01:10 No. 1097383 ID: 4591f8
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...You're just down here.

Maybe if you hug the bird for a bit it'll be quieter.

oh neat, it looks like the hawk is back.

that baby needs to be fed or it's going to give away your position.
Do you want to follow the trial? If your house doesn't even have a bed it doesn't sound like you have much to go back to. Why not start a quest of parenting this chick?

MIDNASTER 2024/09/19(Thu)21:49 No. 1097575 ID: 4591f8
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Hawk: "TSEE-EEEEEEEEE-ARRRR"

The call of the bird shakes you to your core. She was bound to be back at some point.

You really, really want to get back home and start a quest. However, as much as it wrings your heart, there is a real possibility of a vengeful hawk reclaiming her chick and tearing you to shreds.

It is likely a safe bet to stay put for the night.

> that baby needs to be fed or it's going to give away your position.
> Do you want to follow the trial? If your house doesn't even have a bed it doesn't sound like you have much to go back to. Why not start a quest of parenting this chick?
>>1097398

It also appears that the feeding situation has been graciously handled by Treachery (ladder, soup bowl).

Just the past few minutes have been twisting your stomach about your lackluster home life, insofar that just a blanket and ladder have shown Treachery to be wealthier than you.

Maybe your quest can wait, and you can rear this chick in this safe little shelter.

Spite (You): "Um, Treachery?"

Treachery: "Hello."

Spite (You): "Is it alright if I stay here?"

Treachery: "Well, you are standing where you are. 'here,' perhaps. You tell me if that's alright."

Spite (You): "This is your house... right?"

Treachery: "Ownership is a social sense, like money, beauty, justice, trust, and gender."

Um. Alright.

You might want to help feed the bird so it imprints on you and not treachery

Well if he doesn't own anything take his hat and don't return it.

Well if this is everyone's house then he won't mind if you start decorating.

[1/3] MIDNASTER 2024/10/01(Tue)02:22 No. 1098078 ID: 4591f8
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Night falls on the garden. You're going to have to wait until morning to decide to follow your trail.

[2/3] MIDNASTER 2024/10/01(Tue)02:22 No. 1098079 ID: 4591f8
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You take Treachery's ambiguity as an invitation to make this house your own.

You notice a stockpile of boxes towards one end of the room. You make your way over and Treachery does not stop you.

The day's labor weighs heavy on you. This is going to be the last thing you do before you take a nice (non-concussive) snooze.

[3/3] MIDNASTER 2024/10/01(Tue)02:22 No. 1098080 ID: 4591f8
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Trudging through your host's belongings, you exhume a few things of note:

x510 Clubs
Treachery: "Those are Clubs. I figured out how to use these. You hand them to a person, then they decide it belongs to them. After that, they may treat you with a good or a service."
It's currency; you're familiar.
You've never had any but you reckon this is enough to buy, like, one good hat.

x1 Saw
Treachery: "I think that's a remnant from the construction of this fine abode."
And the stain on it?
Treachery: "I cook with what I have on hand."

x1 Orange
Treachery: "A little snack. I picked it yesterday and it looks fine so you may take it if you like. Here's a secret: I've heard good things about orangesauce. It's like applesauce but with oranges."

x1 Skin cream!
Treachery: "You can take that, I guess. I don't have skin. I'm made of pumice and something else."

x11 Birth Certificate
Treachery: "Oh, that's my collection. Sometimes I find them well-hidden, which probably means they're valuable."

An orange to share and birth certificates to snoop through for funny names? Well that's just a fun evening in. Imagine where these people are now.

As for the skin cream, how is your skin? Any rough patches after falling out of a tree? Should check baby hawk too.

[1/3] MIDNASTER 2024/10/18(Fri)03:43 No. 1098724 ID: 4591f8
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> An orange to share and birth certificates to snoop through for funny names? Well that's just a fun evening in. Imagine where these people are now.
> As for the skin cream, how is your skin? Any rough patches after falling out of a tree? Should check baby hawk too.
>>1098096

You apply the refreshing skin cream, for health.

[SKIN HEALTH UP]

You share a half of the orange with Treachery.

Treachery: "Tasty."

You hunker down, reading the birth certificates like a nightly story. You imagine fake scenarios each person might have been in.

There are some interesting characters here--

Guffaw McMallard. Olaf Pleather.
Them, they survived some awful weather.
Zeeby Zoob. Zooby Zeeb.
One's a newb, one's a dweeb.
Valery Smirnov. Jedgar Mantissa.

As you read the names you nod off to sleep.

[2/3] MIDNASTER 2024/10/18(Fri)03:43 No. 1098725 ID: 4591f8
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You dream...

You dream of escaping a prison with meticulously crafted puzzles and riddles; of cleverly cobbling tools and trinkets to open contrived and absurd doors and rooms; of making your way out of the darkness and into the light.

You dream of lending a helping hand in the end times; of being a vagabond of the apocalypse; of being an angel--a beacon of hope for those in need.

You dream of being a swashbuckling pirate, plundering treasure with a peg-legged stride; of facing the rolling seas and giant monsters; of discovering legends of lands far beyond Carcosa; of becoming a legend yourself.

You dream of felling an evil overlord; of sharpened blades and epic clashes; of magic and power; of winning the good fight; of becoming the strongest there ever was.

[3/3] MIDNASTER 2024/10/18(Fri)03:43 No. 1098726 ID: 4591f8
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You dream of the looming threat, The Hawk. That she took you so far from home. That every step outside could be your last before being torn to shreds.

You dream of your kind host, Treachery. That he keeps you here forever. That he's luring you away from your fulfilment. That you remain a maiden to the unnamed bird for the rest of time.

Oh god... Apron-clad and living in the service of this thing that was going to EAT you. ONE MILLION BEES APPEAR. BZZZZ!!! "Hmmm, yes i do think ogo bo gogo," says baby bird. BZZZZZ!!! "Buy my metronome!" says Zeeby Zoob. BZZZ BZZZ!!! OH FUCK OH SHIT. THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. They're in your EYES. They're in your EARS. AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Through it all, a bee in your ear whispers a question that cuts through all the busy buzzing: "Who the shit is Spite?"

[YOU FEEL A STAR SHINING...]

DREAM OF NEXT:
A. THE FUTURE
B. THE PRESENT
C. THE PAST

Gotta dream of the future

Dream of the past for a brighter future

>>1098726
dream about the future and getting fat on pie

The distant future!

The Past!

[1/7] MIDNASTER 2024/11/10(Sun)01:08 No. 1099571 ID: 4591f8
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In a sudden bout of lucidity, you find yourself able to navigate through time.

...

You reach into the far future, but not much is certain. You see the sky shimmering with billions of stars; you've never seen them in the sky before. It's pretty.

All the stars you've seen walk among people. Maybe someday, they decide that they've done all they must on the island, and please to venture elsewhere, upwards. You've never talked to a star before, but your impressions of them have been ambivalent.

The patterns in the otherwise bleak sky calm your nerves, and you feel as though you are more comfortable coming to the present.

[2/7] MIDNASTER 2024/11/10(Sun)01:08 No. 1099572 ID: 4591f8
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You reach into the nearer, predictable future. You see a figure. A wanderer? Perhaps.

A feathered terror calls from above.

"SCRAW!!!"

[3/7] MIDNASTER 2024/11/10(Sun)01:08 No. 1099573 ID: 4591f8
File 173122972224.png - (14.40KB , 544x527 , 40.png )

(???): "T-t-t-the hawk!!!!"

The hawk descends on the figure. Their bag nearly blows away in the downwash. The hawk glares upon them, inches away from their face.

(Hawk): "SCRAW! Hello, Mr. McMallard. It's been a while since we've talked face-to-face."

(Mr. McMallard): "W-what are you going to do with m-m-me?"

(Hawk): "Allow me to tell you a story. I had left a delicious meal for my precious children, while I had some emergency tax business to attend to. I return to find one of my eggs GONE, and a curious crater at your doorstep. SCRAW! My eyes are much better than my nose, Mr. Mallard, and I could not find my child anywhere."

(Mr. McMallard): "W-with all due respect, ma'am. I'm p-presently returning for the summer! I haven't been home since last f-f-fall!!"

The hawk grabs Mr. McMallard and pins him to the ground.

[4/7] MIDNASTER 2024/11/10(Sun)01:08 No. 1099574 ID: 4591f8
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(Hawk): "Don't play coy with me. I can smell your cooking from the top of the tree, and my nose isn't quite as sensitive as my eyes. If it were not for the laws of the palace I would plunder you for every morsel. Trust me when I say this is the civil way I can do this. SCRAW!"

(Mr. McMallard): "S-someone's in MY house!? I swear I haven't been home for MONTHS!"

(Hawk): "Regardless of how--it is YOUR house. I would like my egg OUT of there or I will break your door such that I can do so myself. You have until noon. SCRAW."

[5/7] MIDNASTER 2024/11/10(Sun)01:08 No. 1099575 ID: 4591f8
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(Mr. McMallard): "Y-yes ma'am!!"

Mr. McMallard scrambles down the beaten path to his house.

His house.

Where you are sleeping.

[6/7] MIDNASTER 2024/11/10(Sun)01:08 No. 1099576 ID: 4591f8
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Your prophetic vison fades to a heavy blackness, littered with countless blue sparkles.

You hear a voice.

Treachery: "I made pancakes."

The sweet bready aroma of pancakes soothes you.

[7/7] MIDNASTER 2024/11/10(Sun)01:08 No. 1099577 ID: 4591f8
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Treachery: "Would you like some pancakes, miss Spite?"

(You are awake.)

Among many things, you wonder where the hawk is right now.

As well as why there is a tarp on your head.

MIDNASTER 2024/11/10(Sun)02:20 No. 1099580 ID: 4591f8
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Spite (You): "Um. I have a question..."

I think it might be time to say goodbye to the baby. But also maybe don't go outside until momma hawk picks up her chick.

Can my kid and I get those pancakes to go?